Edward had been gone seven months when Jacob and I kissed for the first time. We were in his garage sitting on the floor in front of his car sharing a soda. I kept thinking about what Charlie had said about learning to love what's good for me. Jacob kept catching me staring at him. Finally, he learned towards me and softly pressed his lips to mine. When I started to kiss him back Jacob put his all into it. When I felt the tip of his tongue touch mine my body started to tingle and I moved to sit on his lap. His arms wrapped around me holding me close to him as my hands played with his dark hair.
It was different from how Edward and I had kissed. Different but still wonderful, passionate and it woke a small undamaged part of my heart that still beat inside my chest. Even though I was starting to see Jacob in a new light, I still worried that I couldn't love him enough. I gently pulled my lips from his.
"Jake, can we talk for a minute?"
He looked down at me and something in my expression made him frown. I moved off his lap and sat down facing him.
"Sure Bells"
"You know you have been such a great friend to me. I know I am not always easy to be around. Especially when I first started coming to La Push. I… My heart isn't ever going to heal completely. There will always be that part of me that I cannot let anyone into, not even you."
"Bella, coming here has made you feel better though, right?"
"It has. If it weren't for you and the time I spend out here I am not exactly sure what kind of shape I would be in. You have been the most wonderful friend to me and I want to be fair to you."
"Bella you know I care about you."
"Yes, I know you do, but I worry that I am not being fair to you. I am worried that I can't be all that you deserve. When Ed… When he…. When they left, my heart ripped open and there is a hole that still physically aches. Not as bad as it used to but it is still there. I am not sure if that part of me will ever fully heal." I stared down at my hands.
Jacob gently placed his hands on either side of my face and tilted it up until I was forced to look him in the eyes. "Bella, you are enough for me. What you give me now is enough and will always be enough. I know what you went through and I know what he meant to you. I will never do that to you."
I felt the tears stinging my eyes. I smiled shyly at him. "Jake you deserve someone who can give you her whole heart. Someone who doesn't flinch when she hears another man's name. You deserve better than what I can offer. You are good for me, but I don't think I am good for you."
"Bella, you do love me. You haven't said it out loud but I can see it in your eyes when we are together. You love me more than you have even admitted to yourself. With time your heart will heal even more and I plan to be the reason for that. Now stop feeling guilty. I am not some dumb clueless kid. I love you just the way you are Isabella Marie Swan."
He reached up and gently pushed a lock of my hair behind my ear. "I have a question for you."
I swallowed nervously. "Okay, what is it?"
"Does this mean we are officially girlfriend and boyfriend?" All my nervousness faded away as I watched his face light up in the cocky grin I loved so much.
I laughed as I nodded. "Yeah, I would like that."
He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into his side. I lifted my face up to his and he leaned down softly placing his lips on mine. This started an hour long make out session which frustratingly came to an abrupt end when Embry and Quil showed up.
I had to go home and start Charlie's dinner any ways. So I reluctantly said goodbye to Jacob. He walked me to my truck and kissed me so passionately I had to hold on to my truck until I could catch my breathe.
When I got home my lips were still tingling and I couldn't stop thinking about the kiss for the rest of the night. I fell asleep smiling that night, maybe I really could move on with Jacob.