By the time my high school graduation arrived my relationship with Jacob had moved from the beginning stages to something deeper. He came with me to group outings with my friends from school and I was a permanent fixture in his garage on the weekends. I even let him take me to my last prom. Neither one of us were good with dancing so we spent most of our time watching all the other couples and laughing at some of the crazier dance moves. Jacob seemed to take pleasure from Mike Newton's jealousy and any time Mike returned to our group table Jacob became extremely affectionate with me.

After a couple of these moments Mike turned towards Jacob and I with an unfriendly grin. "So Bella, have you heard anything from the Cullens recently? I know you used to be extremely close with Edward. We all thought you two would end up married with a dozen kids with the way you two were so consumed with each other."

I felt Jacob tense beside me as I fought against the throbbing of my heart and the beginning signs of a panic attack started.

"Hey, they are playing our song Bella. Dance with me?" Jacob stood without waiting for an answer and led me to the far corner of the dance floor. His arm circled my waist and he held my hand to his chest just over his heart. "I'm here Bella. It's okay. Concentrate on the beating of my heart."

I kept my eyes on his as I felt his heartbeat against the palm of my hand. I matched my breathing to the gentle rhythm. The panic attack faded and I laid my head against his chest as we swayed to the music. "I'm sorry Jake."

"You shouldn't be the one to apologize Bella. That Newton guy needs to be taught a lesson."

"Would you be mad if I said I was ready to leave?"

"No, I'm ready if you are."

I smiled at him. "Let's go. I need some alone time with my boyfriend."

I waved at Angela as Jacob and I headed towards the exit. We drove to a secluded part of the woods just outside of La Push. He parked the car and pulled a blanket out of the backseat. I helped him spread it on the ground beside the car. I kicked off my shoes and sat down on the blanket. Jacob removed his jacket and tie before joining me. He laid down and pulled me down with him. His lips trailed kisses down my neck as his hands wandered over my body. His lips finally crashed into mine and I eagerly opened my mouth as his tongue sought mine. Jacob moved so his body was on top of mine. I felt his hands pushing my dress up over my hips. His fingers slid under my lace panties. He moaned against my mouth when he felt the slickness of my arousal.

His mouth moved down my jaw and neck. He used his free hand to undo the top of my dress and move my bra. I gasped with his mouth closed over my hardened nipple. "Jake.." I started to protest but he slide two of his fingers into my wet depths and his name came out as a moan. His tongue flicked my nipple as his fingers moved inside me. His thumb started running circles over my overly sensitive nub. My hips bucked underneath him and my hands fisted his hair. I whimpered when he inserted a third finger.

"Bella" Jacob looked down at me. I saw the question mixed with a burning desire in his eyes.

"I don't have any protection Jake."

He nodded. I knew he was disappointed but I wasn't ready to give myself to him so completely. I was grateful that he had come unprepared. I don't know what I would have done if he had been. I was running out of excuses that wouldn't cause him pain. He let me up so I could adjust my dress and then he drove me home in silence.

I managed to avoid being totally alone with Jacob in the weeks leading up to my graduation. I wanted to avoid any opportunity he may have used to pick up where we stopped the night of prom.

As I walked the stage, in the school's gym, to collect my diploma I watched as my dad and Jacob stood clapping and whistling loudly. I felt my cheeks burn and knew my face was probably bright red from embarrassment.

Just as I reached the end of the stage I saw something out of the corner of my eye that chilled me immediately. I could have sworn I had seen Edward standing by the back door of the gym. I turned my head to look directly in the direction of the door but by the time I did all I saw was the gym door as it closed. I looked around to see if anyone else had seen him but nobody seemed to have spotted him.

I tried to keep my composure but my knees were shaking and I felt the hole in my heart throbbing painfully. It took all my willpower to keep from wrapping my arms around my chest and collapsing into a heap on the gym floor. I wondered if I was starting to lose my mind. Why would Edward have been there watching me graduate?

My heart raced just from the possibility that he may have been that close to me again, so close I could have touched him. I forced myself to pay attention to the rest of the ceremony as I tried to calm myself. I needed to get control before I had to face Charlie and Jacob.

I managed to keep myself together and was semi back to normal, normal for me that is, by the end of my graduation. There was no time for me to think after the principal congratulated us and closed the ceremony because it was time for all the graduates to find their families for pictures and congratulatory hugs. I didn't notice Jacob beside me until I felt his familiar warm arms wrap around me and lift me off the ground. I couldn't help but laugh at his exuberance. Charlie cleared his throat and pretended to be annoyed but I could see the twinkle in his eye at the obvious affection between Jacob and I. He set me down and Charlie gave me an awkward hug.

Charlie took me out to eat and then we went home so that I could change clothes.

That night Jessica hosted a graduation party at her parent's house. Thankfully her parents decided to spend the weekend in Seattle. They left just after the graduation ceremony with a promise from Jessica that she wouldn't let the party get too out of hand. I still felt like I was being watched and it was putting me on edge. As soon as Jacob and I arrived Jessica thrust a red solo cup filled with some sort of punch in to my hand. I smiled at her gratefully and drank deeply. It tasted like it was more alcohol than actual punch.

"Wow! Umm what is this?"

"Too strong? I wasn't sure what the best alcohol to punch ratio to use."

"It's very strong. Maybe not so much alcohol next time." When I saw her look disappointed I quickly added. "It tastes great though. I am not a big drinker so I maybe this is exactly right" Jessica laughed and seemed satisfied with my answer.

I was already feeling less jittery. I quickly finished the rest of the punch and refilled my cup. Jacob was on his third by the time I got back with my second. I finished my drink while Jacob talked with one of my classmates. I still had the feeling I was being watched but it was muted. My body felt warm and relaxed. Jacob dragged me onto the make shift dance floor and wrapped his arms around me and holding me against his chest as we swayed to the slow song playing on the sound system. When the song ended Jacob pulled away slightly and I looked up at him and smiled lazily. I was completely under the influence of Jessica's potent punch. He brought his lips to mine and I wrapped my arms around his neck. I nibbled his lower lip, I felt his chest rumble against mine.

He grabbed my hand and led me up the stairs. He pulled me into one of the spare bedrooms and closed the door behind him. Then his lips were on mine again and his hands were buried in my hair. Something in my brain was warning me to stop before this went too far but I was feeling too happy from the punch and my inner voice was easy to ignore. My body wanted this even though my brain was trying to warn me. Then Jacob's teeth nibbled at my neck and his hands were under my shirt. I let my body take over as I lost myself in desire. Our clothes quickly fell in a pile on the floor and Jacob easily lifted me onto the bed.

"You are so beautiful Bella." I felt Jacob's need for me pressing at my entrance and I involuntarily tensed. I was still a virgin and even drunk I knew this would be painful. Through his drunken haze Jacob seemed to realize my fear and slowly slid into me giving me time to adjust and for the initial pain to fade. Jacob felt my body relax and took that as his sign to continue. He wrapped one of my legs around his waist as he pushed himself in deeper. I cried out as I felt myself stretch to accommodate him. He moved slowly at first and as I started to respond more his pace quickened.

Thankfully, the music downstairs was loud and drowned out the sounds we were making.

It didn't take long for Jacob reach his climax. I felt his impossibly hard staff start to throb against my walls and then I felt a warmth fill me as he emptied his seed in my depths. He thrust one final time with a loud grunt and collapsed on top of me.

My body felt like jello and I laid on the bed staring at the ceiling fighting the tears I felt threatening to slide down my cheeks as my mind began to acknowledge what I had just done. Jacob rolled off of me and immediately started snoring.

I felt my senses coming back to me and I knew I needed to get out of there before I had a complete melt down. I quietly slipped out of the bed and got dressed. I snuck downstairs and found Angela. I asked her to take me home. I used the excuse that Charlie had given me a midnight curfew and that was only 10 minutes away. She asked about Jacob and I told her he was too drunk to drive and I had been drinking so I couldn't drive myself.

She laughed and borrowed her boyfriend Ben's car keys. Charlie's cruiser wasn't in the driveway when Angela dropped me off at home. I assumed he had been called into work or maybe he had left on one of his weekend long fishing trips already. I let myself into the house, waved at Angela as she pulled out of the driveway before locking the door behind me. There was a note on the table. Charlie had left for a fishing trip and wouldn't be back until Sunday afternoon.

I crawled upstairs and took a shower before climbing into my bed. I pulled my journal out of it's hiding place and started writing. The therapist Charlie had forced me to go to during my bad period had suggested I start a journal. At the time I didn't think it would really do any good but I found it did help some.

I managed to write a couple of paragraphs before all the emotions I had been trying to hold at bay came crashing down on me. I hugged my journal to my chest as I laid in my bed sobbing until I fell asleep.