A/N Hey y'all, here's a new update for my most popular fanfic, Take A Hint! Guess what-guess what-this is the first fanfic I've written that exceeds three chapters!

Now that I say that, it sounds kinda pathetic...:(

And this is a bit late, but I was kinda running out of inspiration...help out your poor author and give her some awesome ideas, yeah? ;)

Extended Summary: Modern AU. Should she choose the sweet next-door neighbor, the childhood friend who's always "friend zoned," the player who turns into a puddle of mush around her, the nerd with an IQ of over 200, the popular heartthrob who just so happens to have his sights set on her, the goth boy who hangs out in the corners of the room and always speaks in riddle, the delinquent who somehow makes beating people into pulp seem romantic, etc. The possibilities are endless! Oh, boy, Lucy Heartfilia's life is just so hard! Crack.

Warnings: ABSOLUTE CRACK, Lucy's reverse harem, mentions of yaoi and yuri, swearing, perverts, shameless flirting, face-palm situations, characters who you just want to bitch slap, modern AU, shameless use of teen fiction clichés, heavy sarcasm, dark themes (that I use in order to create a satire-the way I portray them IS NOT what I think of in real life, I swear, fanfiction has just turned me into a horrible, horrible person), OOCness from practically everyone (mainly Lucy, though), extreme bipolarness and randomness from practically everyone (especially Lucy), absolute chaos and stupidity

I DO NOT MEAN TO OFFEND ANYONE IN ANY WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM WITH THIS PORTRAYAL OF STEREOTYPES THAT I PERSONALLY DO NOT AGREE WITH. I DO NOT MEAN TO INSINUATE IN ANY WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM THAT ANYTHING IN THIS STORY IS ACCEPTABLE OR EXPECTED, BECAUSE A LOT OF THEMES IN THIS ARE NOT. This was all written for comedy's purpose, I swear, though I bet it was a failed attempt at humor.

Disclaimer: I have never owned Fairy Tail, am not, and never will. Unfortunately.

Take Four

Lucy calmly runs the most expensive, luxurious, and, wait for it, strawberry/vanilla-scented shampoo and conditioner and body wash through her hair and over her body, ignoring the enormous banging that threatens to tear her bathroom door off its hinges. She even hums a little bit, just to seem a little bit more innocent and child-like-well, more than she is already.

"LUCY! OPEN THIS DOOR RIGHT NOW!" says her father while he repeatedly slams his fists against the door in an attempt to knock it down. His black eyes are narrowed in absolute fury, pupils dilated with liquidated anger, balled fists trembling with the fiery need to scream at his daughter-you get the point.

"Not right now, I'm making myself look hot!" Lucy sings back, even as she continues to lather a ridiculously large amount of bubbles and soap across her skin.

"LUCY! I'M GOING TO RIP THIS DOOR OF THE HINGES RIGHT NOW!"

And, surprise, surprise, he does.

Lucy screams as her father barges into the room, wild with explosive emotions, and she begins to shriek at the top of her lungs, "PEDOPHILE! RAPIST! INCESTUOUS! LECHEROUS! HORMONAL SPAWN OF THE DEVIL! BLOODY TAMPONS! HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLP!"

"NO ONE EVEN LIKES YOU!" A girl with short, white hair pops out from behind Lucy's father, and Lucy's lip immediately curls in disgust.

"Lisanna," she hisses, glaring at the girl who everyone seems to think belongs with Natsu. For some unknown reason, the idea doesn't settle well with Lucy. Anyone with that hair color and-especially-being a part of the cheerleading team is worse than hell's kitchen.

A bright, angelic smile pulls at Lisanna's lips, and she waves genially at Lucy, complete sincerity shining in her eyes. "Hello! How's your new husband?"

Lucy hisses and bursts into tears, sliding further down into the soapy water. Why does she hate me so much?

"HOW DARE YOU NOT MARRY LYON?" Lucy's father, having been forgotten up until that moment, jumps into the lull of conversation (due to plot convenience) with a furious question. "NOW HE WON'T GIVE ME ANY MONEY! HE'S RUNNING OFF WITH FUCKING ELVIS! ELVIS, I TELL YOU, ELVIS! YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY WORTHLESS!"

And with that being said, Jude Heartfilia pulls a bottle of sake and a stack of papers out of thin air (okay, some sort of conspiracy is going on, one that I am not aware of) and, downing the sake like it's soy sauce, throws the paper into the bathtub before running off on a rainbow-farting unicorn.

Lucy stares down at the sheets of paper floating in the water, and upon seeing that they're divorce papers, already signed and marked with hearts over the "y" by Lyon Vastia. Another sob breaks out before her sadness turns into fiery rage and she picks all the pages up and, despite them being utterly sodden, rips them apart and balls them into tiny, dense spitballs.

"HOW DARE HE DIVORCE ME? WE WEREN'T EVEN MARRIED!" Lucy screams, red tainting her vision.

She then goes on a rampage in her ex-room, forgetting all about Lisanna, who sits on a magically levitating tea table while drinking posh tea, watching it all go down.

Meanwhile, all the way across the world in Gray's sitting room...

"GRAY-SAMAAAAA~~~~!"

Gray is trying not to drown in Juvia's overwhelming love for him. "Get away from me! My mate is Lucy!"

Juvia immediately freezes in place, the most heartbroken expression on her face, before her eyes morph into glinting stars that shoot lasers that head directly towards Lucy Heartfilia...

"LOVE RIVAL!"

Erza and Natsu sit in the corner of the room, the former holding a plate of strawberry cheesecake in her hand as she professes her undying love for Heart Kreuz jackets while the latter practically strangles his biological miracle of a blue cat with permanent white rogue marks on its cheeks and argues with his therapist over the phone ("I swear that Happy can talk! He can also hold me in his tail and fly me all over Fiore!").

The door slowly inches forward, and a pair of dull, brownish-gray eyes slowly rises to peek over the little wall that separate the foyer from the sitting room. That pair is quickly followed by another pair of matching brown eyes, except this time, they are utterly contemptuous and full of disdain.

"Carla..." The first pair of eyes glances down towards her companion, who stares back at its master. "Demo..."

After having a silent debate with her cat, Wendy Marvell slowly retreats, closing the door behind her.

Let's pretend we didn't see anything, Wendy.

In the shadows of the night, under the dancing rays of the moonlight, a motorcycle speeds through the streets, cutting corners and riding straight over curbs, and-

OH MY SWEET BABIES SPAWNED BY MIRAJANE'S TERRIFYING IMAGINATION, he's going over the speed limit by 1 mile per hour.

#whatarebel

Pulling to a stop in front of some random dead end, the motorcyclist takes off the sweet helmet, revealing a head of blonde, almost white, hair and a handsome face sporting a sardonic smirk that sends girls to their graves.

"I didn't choose the thug life. The thug life chose me," he boasts to the nonexistent crowd of screaming fans.

Cue dramatic thunder and epic music.

I'm crying...what am I even writing? XD

Seriously though, I'm starting to run out of ideas...so if any of you want to add anything to this random-ass story, just comment it or message me, and I will find some way to incorporate it into this story (with proper credit, of course).

I think I'll be putting up the poll in a few chapters, the one for the final pairing with Lucy, but I don't know. I'm not sure how long I want this story to last, but eventually, it's going to have to end, right?

By the way, sorry for how short the updates have been lately, and for how long the A/N's are. Another piece of evidence as to how little inspiration I have right now...

Yeah. Peace, see ya next time, hope you liked it!

Never (LivingDaLife)