Author's Note:
Sorry for my absence folks, been busy with moving at the end of this month plus a lot of new trainees at work means less time for personal projects. But I'm hoping things will get more normal after this week is all said and done.
Although something about Castiel's demeanour was heavier than it had ever been, Dean still had a small bit of hope that everything would be okay. He could see Cas understood more just by the look on his boyfriend's face, but the way Cas had said 'Dee' was his handle to hang onto.
"So," he heard himself saying and questioned what the hell he'd lead with. Castiel looked at him, curious eyes as always, Dean had Cas' full attention. A few seconds passed and his mouth was open a little bit but he couldn't think of anything to say.
Cas' eyes widened a little and he covered his mouth, "Oh shit, you probably shouldn't talk, right?"
Dean laughed a little and Cas reached to cover his mouth, except instead Cas just placed his hand gently over the respirator mask.
"Shhh, don't say anything, Dee." Cas instructed, Jet was laughing too.
"He was talking plenty before you woke up, don't worry about it." Jet explained but Cas didn't seem all that convinced about it.
"He got poisoned and his lungs stopped working, I think he shouldn't talk at all." Cas insisted and before Dean could protest another shushing noise met his ears. "You can talk later, when the doctor says it's okay,"
Dean didn't want to argue, he would have loved to talk about what Cas was going through but until that moment he'd just settle for listening to Castiel's voice. Even the tone had shifted, just slightly but Dean still noticed the change. It was less confused, less unsure. Cas knew what he was, more or less, or maybe he was just good at faking it now. Regardless, Dean knew it was something he'd have to get used to.
And it dawned on him again that Cas had known it would happen. Not allowing Dean to say 'I love you' was part of it, Cas was aware of the fact that he wouldn't be the same. There were going to be small things that'd be altered forever, Cas would be the same person in essence but his mannerisms would change. Dean was already aware of a few small details he'd have to get used to, and Cas had only just woken up moments ago.
"I think he's allowed to talk," Desirae said as she climbed onto Cas' shoulders.
"Rae, he just got up." Jet addressed it immediately, "Don't start climbing on him."
"It's okay," Cas assured them and smiled up at his fellow experimental human, "I don't mind, you can stay."
"Thank you," she made a point of saying it slowly, as if it was proof that Jet was wrong or something. Dean knew that she'd be on Jet's shoulders if she could be, but it was really nice to see that Cas was awake so her attention could be aimed that way instead.
Cas adjusted his shoulders to make sure she was comfortable and looked at Dean again, his brow creased just enough to show he was concerned, "Does it hurt?" He asked and worry was far more evident in the little crack in his voice than his expression let on.
Dean nodded with a shrug, "Not as bad as it sounds," he said with a smile, watching as Cas returned it with a saddened version of his own.
"It sounds pretty bad," Cas laughed anxiously as he spoke, his fingers curling around his sheets. "I'm sorry I couldn't keep you safe."
"It's not your job to keep me safe," he cringed a bit at the raspy tone, it wasn't as painful as it was the first time he'd woken up but it wasn't terribly fun either.
"Maybe not, but when we went downstairs that's what I said I would do." Cas sighed and pressed some buttons on his bedside remote, elevating the back so he could lean against it. His wings wriggled and he sat forward again almost right away, "Forgot I had those," he laughed and tried to move them so they'd be out of his way.
Dean felt the brush of feathers as Cas had to find the part of his brain that compartmentalized wing movement. There were some curtains that got knocked around but otherwise it was a fairly successful action. Cas folded his extra appendages appropriately and laid back again, "There," he said as he settled in, "no problem."
"Never doubted you for a second," Jet quipped, trying not to laugh at Desirae who had to hop off anyway. She sat on the side of Cas' bed instead and swung her legs off the edge.
The door opened and Charlie walked in, a book in one hand and a coffee in the other. Her eyes scanned the room, Jet was the first she saw and waved at but she didn't get as far as seeing Dean.
"Charlie," Cas sat upright again, his eyes were starting to water in seconds and a soft glow emitted from them.
Charlie was frozen by the door, her eyes wide and hands shaking. She slowly placed her items down on the closest table but she didn't take her gaze away from Castiel. "Cas," she said in a near whisper, "You're looking at me differently…" she didn't dare ask if Cas remembered her but Dean could practically hear the question anyway.
Cas climbed out of the bed and crossed the room to her side, his mouth was pulled in a tight smile as he tried not to cry. Instead of speaking he just dropped his arms over her shoulders, tears streaming from his eyes and onto her. "Charlie," he said again, choked up and barely even able to say that much.
She hugged him back as fast as she could get control over herself, she swallowed in a way that looked painful and dropped her head against Cas'. Neither of them cared that it hurt a little, they just hung onto one another. "You remember," her voice was strained but stronger than Castiel's. "You remember me,"
"I do," he managed to say but it had taken him a few moments to do it.
Dean looked at them with a weight in his chest, it didn't hurt but it was still intense. He felt his throat ache and a pressure behind his eyes. It was amazing to see the two reunite properly, to see Charlie get what she needed after four years of waiting.
Jet didn't say anything either, Desirae rejoined him and he kept her quiet too. They didn't want to interrupt the heartfelt moment right in front of them. It was a little intimate but after what they'd gone through Dean understood why it was.
As they tired of hugging and Cas' hysteria calmed down, he finally stepped back, keeping Charlie at arm's length. "I'm so sorry," he said with what could've been a sob or a laugh, Dean had no idea which.
"Me too," Charlie was smiling as she wiped the tears away, "We're even so shut up, okay?"
Cas snorted out a laugh and rubbed his eyes too, "Alright, deal."
Charlie pulled him into another hug and squeezed tightly, "I really missed you, Cas."
"It's been a while," he agreed and squeezed back, "I can't begin to tell you how happy I am to see you."
"Tell me about it," Charlie was still pretty hesitant to let go, like Cas might just disappear or forget as soon as she wasn't in contact with him in some way. She was so happy to see him, but there was something in her expression that looked worried. "So uh… do you remember the stuff with MacLeod too?"
Dean watched Cas' body language as he tensed, his face tightened and the glow in his eyes brightened.
"So you do," Charlie blinked a few times to get used to the sudden light in her face.
"Sorry," Cas squinted a little, "Not sure how to turn that off just yet. But I do remember that too, yeah." He glanced over at Dean, maybe it was an instinctual thing but Dean still smiled reassuringly at him. Cas' smile was small but Dean was pretty sure it meant Cas felt a little better; or at least he hoped it did. He couldn't be quite sure he knew anything about Cas just yet.
"Looks like it's pretty heavy," Jet stated, finally stepping into the conversation. Dean wasn't sure where Jet found the nerve to do it, but he wasn't complaining.
"Life likes to weigh on me," Cas chuckled as if it were an inside joke, he looked at Charlie who seemed to flounder to remember what he was talking about. "Don't worry about it," he told her after a moment or two of waiting. "It's been over four years, you can't remember every conversation we've ever had."
"I was pretty sure I'd memorized them all by now," she grinned and draped her arm playfully over his shoulders. "Wasn't this one something about you not wanting to make a choice between future careers?"
"Yeah!" Cas chimed and brightened up, his wings fluttering with excitement. "We were walking home from school, Garth said some cheesy stuff-"
"-About it not being so hard to handle life's weight with help!" Charlie beamed and the two started laughing. Dean didn't get it but he was ecstatic to see Castiel sharing an inside joke from a past previously forgotten. It almost made him cry, but he managed to keep it together.
Dean looked over at Jet, enthusiastic about the little exchange he'd just seen. However Jet was staring at the two like they made no sense with narrowed eyes.
"I still can't believe it," Charlie sounded immensely happier as the shock had either passed or had become so ridiculous it didn't even register anymore. She made a small squealing sound and jumped on Cas for a second, her energy rising and affecting Cas just as much. The two cheered together and hopped up and down, Cas had once again forgotten his wings. They flapped just as excitedly as he jumped and blew a few light things around the room.
"Okay, okay!" Jet shielded himself with his arm and waved at them, "Chill a little, some of us might blow away over here."
"You're not light enough," Charlie remarked before thinking, Dean saw the moment she regretted it all over her face. "I mean, you know 'cuz you're tall and… uh…"
Jet raised an eyebrow at her, instead of cutting her off and letting her know it was okay he just let her flounder for a bit. Dean would've called him mean for it but he wasn't even sure he could say that. What the hell was the protocol with sensitive shit around Jet? Normally it was 'don't bring it up and all is well.' But Jet rarely had things happen to him like losing a limb or being traumatized, all that was past. Dean didn't know what to do with fresh wounds but he was willing to wing it.
Charlie finally had to stop and hung her head, "Sorry,"
"You know you're making more of a deal out of it than I am," Jet commented casually, Dean didn't trust the level calmness in his friend over all. He always knew Jet to overreact to things, especially stuff to make him angry. Calm meant a lot of things and Dean was willing to bet that the main thing going on in Jet's head was denial or avoidance.
Charlie didn't seem to have a good response but Cas was looking at Jet with empathy, "You know, I can understand what you're going through, Jet."
"Yeah, yeah, you had it way worse. I know I'm lucky in comparison, don't waste your breath." Jet was getting irritated, trying to dismiss the conversation altogether.
"That's not what I mean," Cas walked over to Jet's bedside and sat on the edge, "Unwanted, severe body modification isn't easy and I wanted you to know that you can talk to me about it."
Jet's nose crinkled and he exhaled heavily before turning away, "I'm fine, don't worry about it."
Desirae moved up the bed and onto Jet, she didn't say anything and just hugged him. He placed his hand on her back and lowered his head.
Cas looked to Dean again, the two shared a sympathetic expression and neither knew what to say. Charlie went to Jet's bed too and put her hand on his right shoulder, giving it a reassuring squeeze in the room's silence.
"We're all here for you, man." Dean said since he couldn't get up and do the same as the others.
"It's okay, dad." Desirae nuzzled his cheek once, Dean saw the little way Jet's hand held a little tighter to her.
"Thanks guys," Jet sighed, conceding in his own way that he wasn't perfectly fine. He glanced up at Cas, "Do you remember getting used to the weight difference?"
"Unfortunately my additional weight came in a symmetrical fashion, but it wasn't comfortable." Cas lifted his wings a little to make his point, "I didn't know how to move them at first so they were just deadweight. I was really awkward and stumbled a lot. You're going to fall down," Cas looked suddenly serious and Jet kinda laughed at him.
"Dude-"
"I'm not kidding," Cas stressed, "You're going to fall down at some point, and I'm telling you ahead of time because it's totally okay and part of the learning process."
Jet looked like he was going to laugh about it again but thought better of it. Instead his expression became a little more humble and he nodded. "Okay…" he trailed off and appeared a bit distant. He took a steady breath and nodded a second time, "Yeah, alright. Anything else?"
"Be patient with yourself, that's really important." Cas smiled, it wasn't as pure a smile as Dean remembered seeing but he supposed that came with tortured memories. Either that or he was reading into Cas' sympathetic looks in the wrong way. "And the part of your body that was altered is going to be really sore for a while, be nice to it."
"Sounds like a lot of 'don't hurt yourself' talk." Jet remarked and chuckled, it was mostly light-hearted but Dean could hear the little tinge of bitterness in it.
"If you can't be nice to yourself then ask someone for help." Desirae added seriously, the Cas clone in her shining through a little bit.
Jet smirked and ruffled Desirae's hair, "So if I got this right, I'm supposed to be nice to myself and take it easy."
"More or less," Cas laughed and scratched the back of his head, "It's easier said than done, though."
Dean adored listening to Cas give advice, he could hear how far Castiel had come from the first time they'd met and it just made him smile.