Author's Note:
Eyyyyyy what up? I know I've been gone for a week! I've moved into my new place, there should be internet tomorrow (should be, don't be an asshole Shaw) and I'm almost done unpacking my shit. Stuff should go back to normal soon enough, so I hope you enjoy the chapters I'm able to produce :D
Out of the hospitalized trio, Castiel was the first one who was able to be up and out of bed. Jet's blood loss was monitored but he was close to being let go. Dean on the other hand was still stuck in bed, going in and out of tests to see how he was doing.
It was driving Cas a little crazy, but then again so were many other things. He'd heard that Michael had gone out of the hospital for a little while to grab some clean clothes, so he hadn't seen his big brother yet and the longer it took the more nervous he was. Cas couldn't really explain why he was nervous about seeing Michael again, maybe it was because he'd vanished without a trace and put his brother through hell. Or maybe it was because he had no idea what to say, or what Michael would say, or anything of the sort.
He'd been unprepared for Charlie's appearance and that made it so much easier. She just popped up and they had their reunion. 'We're even, so shut up, okay?' It was as simple as that. They'd both messed up, they'd both witnessed shit they wished they could forget, and they both got their best friend back. Cas appreciated how simple it was to connect with Charlie again, it wasn't the same as it had been in the past but it was stronger than ever.
Cas had already come to terms with the fact that nothing would be the same; he did have some practice with that sort of feeling, after all. When Michael plucked him out of their parents' house everything in his world flipped around. Life changed and it wasn't going back, at that time it was frightening. He had been so lost and grasping at strands of hope each time he saw them.
Looking back after what he'd been through and what he'd become, separating his life from his parents' wasn't nearly as bad as he'd originally thought. Perspective and time were strong advocators of "It's okay."
Cas spent his time in Dean's room, waiting while Dean was out with the doctors and chatting with Charlie, Jet and Desirae. It had been a while and he hadn't seen the others at all since he'd woken up. It wasn't so bad at first; he could sit and think things over, like what to do with himself and how to approach different situations. He head was swarming with far too many thoughts for him to get them all in a straight line.
He tried to focus on not thinking but thoughts kept coming back around to him. Where were the others? Was Dean going to be okay? Was Michael going to be mad? What would happen with the fact that people saw him clearly with usable wings? How bad were the nightmares going to be? Would he stop remembering everything so lucidly? Would he be able to control his wings properly again soon?
Everything needed sorting in his mind, it was a mess and he was trudging through it all just to function.
"Cas?" Charlie snapped him out of it and he just blinked up at her for a few seconds to try and get a handle on what was going on. "You okay?" She looked worried and he didn't really blame her.
"I'm well enough," he wished he could reassure her more but he didn't want to lie to her after everything that had happened. "Don't worry about it."
She scoffed lightly, "You can't ask me not to worry about you, Cas."
"I guess not," he smirked and leaned back against his chair. He was glad it had a lower backrest; his wings could drape over it comfortable as long as he didn't moving the chair around and run himself over. "I'm not dying, while I have been better I've also been much worse so I'm alright."
"Dude, Dean and I could say the same thing but we're not gonna." Jet remarked with a raised eyebrow. "Point is, Dean's got fucked up lungs and I'm fuckin' disabled, we're not alright. You just remembered you got traumatized beyond belief, 'well enough' doesn't begin to cover it."
"I'm dealing," Cas reiterated, he could feel his own temper starting to flare and tried to lessen it.
"You're in denial," Jet's aggressiveness was probably aimed at himself but Cas was starting to feel it on a more personal level. Of course Jet would lash out at conversations like that, Cas kind of expected it but he had much less patience than he thought he'd have at that time.
"So what if I am?" his tone was stern but he kept it as calm as he could, he didn't want to be angry. He didn't want to get pissed off and yell at anyone, he just wanted to lie down and sort his head out. "I'll deal with my shit as best as I can, there's a lot I need to figure out."
Jet held Cas' gaze for a moment or two before looking away and nodding, "Alright, sorry."
"It's okay," Cas still felt a ridiculous attachment to that tiny phrase, and he wasn't so sure he wanted to let that fade. He turned to Charlie who seemed a bit uncomfortable with the small clash that had just happened. "So… where are the others?"
"I'm not really sure," she furrowed her brow and looked toward the door, "I know Michael went to get clothes but he should've been back by now. Sam, Bobby and Garth should've been over here by now too."
"Maybe we should go see," Desirae chimed and moved to jump out of Jet's bed. He caught her tail and she wound up hanging off the side of the shitty mattress, flailing uncomfortably until he pulled her back up.
"You're staying right here, kiddo."
"Aww c'mon, dad! I wanna go check it out, I'm wearing the hoodie-"
"Well I want you to stay here," he insisted and she pouted, arms crossed over her chest she sat where she was told. Cas just laughed at them.
"I'll go look," he pulled himself up from the chair he'd practically glued himself to, "I need to take a walk anyway, Dean's doctor said he wouldn't be back for a while."
"I'll come with," Charlie offered and followed him out, "See you in a bit, Jet!"
"Sure," Cas heard Jet's voice as if he were close but knew that it had to be more distant than that. Getting used to new sensory strengths was more difficult than he would've thought, but Cas was getting better at managing that sort of thing.
"I have a feeling I know why they haven't come back," Charlie said as the pair headed down the hall together, Cas wasn't sure he liked the sound of it but he gave her his attention anyway. It didn't matter if he wanted to hear it or not, really. "Well... people were recording you before, do you remember that?"
He nodded, it was before he got his memories back, he was talking to Martha. "Do you think that maybe there are people looking for me?"
"I doubt it's as sinister as you just made it sound, more like a fascination sort of 'looking for you.'"
"I don't think I get it."
"Just come on," she led the way, past the sitting areas where the others had been previously and all the way to the hospital's entrance. Cas could hear commotion long before they reached it, he could hear people talking and the stammering of their friends. The front doors opened and the two could see just out of the way of the hospital's entrance a crowd had gathered. Sam was facing them with some difficulty, even Michael was there, apparently unable to get back inside. Garth appeared to be pulled aside by Bobby, presumably to shut him up. Cas knew Garth could be a blabbermouth, it was no surprise he was separated from the action.
"There he is!" Someone called excitedly and soon all those gazed were aimed his way. Cas couldn't even find the muscle memory to smile at them and just stood there like a deer in headlights.
He could see his friends' faces as the crowd maneuvered past them; it was a sort of defeated expression they all shared. Cas put two and two together pretty fast; they were keeping the crowd away from their winged anomaly, Cas hadn't done them any favours by appearing.
At first he thought it was a news crew but quickly realized that there were regular people all around, their cells in hand and undoubtedly filming the scene. His ears were bombarded with questions and he stared dumbfoundedly at the crowd. He could see a flicker of light reflect in some of their items and did his best to keep himself in check, He was stressed out and that anxiety was rising, he didn't want to do anything stupid or weird. All he could do for the moment was watch the mouths move and hope he could find something to say.
"You can't block the hospital entrance," Bobby took some charge and started to break up the crowd as best he could. Sam joined him, probably an attempt to control the situation but Cas couldn't really see how they could do anything at that point.
He felt a tug at the end of his wing and instinctively retracted the extra limb, his gaze snapping to see the young girl with a feather or two in her hand.
"Whoa!" There was a resounding sound of 'it's real' and any version of 'holy shit' that did and didn't make sense all at once. He stepped back, hesitant to do anything at all. He didn't know what to do or say, just stood there until a firm grasp on his upper arm started dragging him back inside. Cas looked up at Michael who had had enough of all the chattering people and was done exposing his little brother to them altogether.
"Why'd you go outside?" he was frustrated, Cas could feel it in how tightly Michael held his arm before Michael even spoke. "You know people are going to be all over you." There was a sudden tonal shift, as if Michael remembered he couldn't get that pissed off with a Castiel that didn't remember. Cas couldn't really believe that there was that much of a difference, but it was right in front of him plain as day.
"Sorry Mike," he muttered rather dejectedly and then suddenly walked into his brother who had stopped completely.
Michael didn't say anything he just spun around and pulled Cas into the tightest hug of his life. It hurt but Cas didn't complain, he just reciprocated and dropped his head against Michael's shoulder.
"You remember," Michael said with so much certainty Cas had to wonder about his own mannerisms. "You haven't called me Mike once since you disappeared, you're back."
"I remember," Cas admitted in agreement and pressed his face down harder, "I'm sorry, Mike."
"Guys, you should move further in," Garth hurried up to them, there were other footsteps along with his but Cas wasn't paying attention to who it might be, or how many there were.
Michael took a shaky breath and nodded, regaining his hold on Cas but this time taking him by the wrist. They hurried Cas back into the hospital toward Dean and Jet's room, unwanted guests weren't allowed and that was their only saving grace for the time being. They were in the hallway outside the room and Michael had to stop and look at Castiel again.
"Your eyes…" Michael muttered, tears in his, "you really do recognize me now."
Cas laughed through a simultaneous sob and nodded, "I do," he nodded a little faster as he wiped his eyes. "I know you saved me from mom and dad, I know you worked your ass off to keep us fed with a roof over our heads. I know your favourite colour is blue, you prefer breakfast over other meals, and you always slept with your bedroom door open. I know you, Mike." He couldn't stop the tears and he could see that his brother couldn't either. They just smiled in disbelief at one another for a second or two, neither knew what to say next. All Cas could really think of was that he'd been an idiot, how could he ever imagine Michael would be mad at him?
Michael placed a firm hand on Cas' shoulder, "Don't apologize anymore, alright? You didn't do anything that needs you to say that, it's okay now."
Cas sighed in relief and lowered his head, giving a very shallow nod as he tried to keep it together. He missed his big brother. He remembered when it all started, screaming at MacLeod that his brother would find him and kick MacLeod's ass for what was happening. He remembered when he was put under the knife the first time, his mind active and crying out for Michael, hoping he'd show up just in time like it happened in comics.
"I don't blame you either," Cas added and lifted his gaze again, he knew Michael and he knew Michael would blame himself over and over for what happened. His brother's face was tense at the mention of the word 'blame,' "I don't blame anyone for what MacLeod and his people did to me, or to Desirae or any other victim."
"MacLeod's dead," Michael said in a hushed way, "hating him doesn't do you any good."
"And hating you does?" Cas hugged his brother again, "You're an idiot, Mike."
Michael laughed softly and relented, "Alright, you win this one."
"What one?" Dean was being wheeled back around ahead of schedule, he looked a bit drugged up and Cas tried not to laugh at his dazed expression.
"Nothing, baby." Cas smiled and followed the nurse pushing Dean's wheelchair into the room again. Michael followed suit, the others had all gone into the room ahead of them while Cas wasn't paying attention.
Sam was sitting at Jet's bedside hearing all about how mean Jet was from Desirae. Bobby was looking out the window at the people circling around, and Garth and Charlie were excitedly talking about Castiel remembering them again.
"Full house," Dean muttered in a slurred way, Sam glanced up and shook his head.
"How's he doing?" Sam was looking at the nurse who let Cas help Dean into the bed instead.
"He's doing alright, actually. I think we're looking at one of the best case scenarios for him." He lit up a little as he spoke, Cas saw no reason not to trust his word.
"That's great," Jet joined in the good news, "So what're the possible outcomes on this one?"
"Well, if he keeps going at his current rate of recovery we're thinking he'll be out of here in a few days."
Cas' wings drooped, "A few days? Really?"
"Well recovery takes time," the nurse reiterated but still upbeat. "Dean was in pretty bad shape."
"It's good news," Charlie agreed and pat Cas on the shoulder, "Don't sweat it, okay?"
"I know…" Cas sighed and dropped down beside Dean's bed, "I just want him to be better, it sucks seeing him hurt."
"I know how you feel," Sam sounded like he was in good spirits too, despite the news. Maybe it was a little over dramatic but Cas still wanted to mope about Dean being stuck in the hospital for a few days. He didn't want to mention it though, if Sam could be happy with his brother and boyfriend being unwell then Cas had nothing to complain about.
But he still wanted to complain, at least a little bit.
"Dee…." He droned and dropped his head on the mattress next to Dean's arm. He felt a hand in his hair, rubbing lazily.
"It's okay, Cas." Dean mumbled with what sounded like a smile on his face. "It's all okay."