Author's Note:

Sorry again for my absence _ I hope everyone's doing well!

I've been reading all your reviews and I gotta say that I'm so happy to have all of you here. Thanks so much for reading guys, I know some of you are sad about it ending and I know that it's never easy when a story ends. I wanted to say that it'll take several more chapters to actually end this thing so hang in there. I've been so happy writing for you guys and I hope you're still enjoying the rest of the ride :)

It was late and the hospitalized boys were asleep. Cas sat quietly at Dean's bedside with his wings tucked in as close as he could get them, eyes barely focusing on his boyfriend. He'd wanted to have a real conversation with Dean but Dean kept getting taken away for checkups and tests, and then of course there were the drugs to keep him sedated.

The room was so quiet, Dean's breathing was the only noise Cas could really hear and it hurt to listen to. There was something stressing about hearing another person unable to breathe smoothly as they slept. Cas wished he could fix it with the snap of his fingers or a magic spell, but despite his other abilities that one was the impossible one.

Cas sighed and leaned back in his chair, this time actually messing up his feathers. He adjusted with a soft grunt about it and sighed again just for good measure.

"Sounds like you're bored," Michael whispered, he was sitting in the same room silently reading. Cas didn't mind, Michael wanted to be nearby and that was fine by him.

"Frustrated I guess," he muttered and motioned toward the door, Michael was quick to pick up on his cues and the two walked into the hall. Cas tried to be quiet, Sam was sleeping in the chair next to Jet's bed, and Desirae was snuggled up to her one-armed hero. They were all sleeping so soundly but Cas knew that any noise could wake Rae; none of them were as dosed as Dean was so he kept quiet.

Since their team had been in the hospital for a while it was time that some of them got a bed to sleep in. Bobby went to get a motel room for himself while Charlie was coaxed into going to Garth's place for a night. Cas was a key part in the coaxing, he didn't want her to spend the night in the hospital again for no reason. He wasn't a great conversation at that moment, and really he kind of wanted some time with Dean. Of course there was a sedating monkey-wrench in that plan, but he couldn't have foreseen that. So he wound up sitting silently at Dean's bedside, afraid to sleep and wishing he hadn't asked his friends to go home for a night.

"So what's up?" Michael leaned against the wall when Cas finally slowed to a stop.

"Everything and nothing," Cas pushed his hands through his hair, "I mean, I really want to talk to Dean. And I really want to talk to you, and Charlie, and Garth…"

"So you literally want to do everything at once,"

"And nothing."

"Right," Michael nodded knowingly though Cas doubted he really got it. "So then why did you tell Charlie to go with Garth?"

"Because she should sleep in a decent bed, I'll get to talk to her tomorrow." Cas came up with the best response he could on the fly, it seemed to do the trick because Michael just nodded again. Cas eyed his brother, "You were supposed to go sleep in a normal bed too…"

"Somehow I knew you'd have a weird, middle of the night Cas crisis."

Cas just smiled at that, he couldn't really deny it. "How do you know me so well after all that time?"

"I used to pay attention, believe it or not."

The two both chuckled quietly and sighed at the same time, Cas adored those dumb moments where it was undeniable they were related in some way. He missed them, he missed similar times with Charlie where they'd both make the same reference without discussing it first. He loved the old times, part of him wished that those were all he could remember and he'd never have to worry about nightmares. But that wasn't what he wanted, not really. It would involve forgetting Dean and Cas didn't think he could possibly handle that, either of them.

"So," Michael broke the silence that had fallen between them, it wasn't uncomfortable but Cas could tell Michael had something on his mind. "I know everything's been really weird for you for the last day or two, you remembered a bunch of shit and people you love almost died,"

As Michael paused Cas just thought about the 'people he loved' and couldn't get Dean's face out of his head. He knew Jet was hurt too but Dean was the one that came to mind every time he thought about it, it made him feel a tad guilty.

"I don't wanna push you," Mike continued and fidgeted with the hem of his shirt, "but I was wondering what you were going to do now?"

It was a question Cas had been avoiding, more or less. It crossed his mind a few times and he pushed it back down so he wouldn't have to see it anymore, at least not for a while anyway. He shrugged and leaned against the wall too, his wings fluttered as he slid down to sit on the floor. "I want to be with Dean, that's as far as I've decided."

Michael hummed softly and carefully sat next to Cas, making sure not to bother the wings. "Yeah, I kinda figured that. So I guess you won't be coming back home with me, huh?"

"You should come with us," Cas said without hesitation, "I don't want to go back to that mansion, but I think it'd be great if we all lived together in a big place."

"Wouldn't that be weird? I mean, you'll be there with your boyfriend…"

"And Sam, Jet, Desirae, Charlie, maybe Bobby too." Cas was quick to say, he knew it was mostly just a hopeful thought. There was no guarantee that they'd all agree, but he could sit and hope all the same.

"I don't know if-"

"Shut up, it'll happen." Cas cut him off with a laugh, "Don't shoot holes in my dreams."

Michael smirked and reached over to ruffle Cas' hair, "That's not such a big dream, what about singing? Gonna do something with that now?"

"Don't wanna push me but the second I'm back you gotta jump on the old problem, huh?" he huffed, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. "I don't know if I'll jump into a career or college or something, I feel like being a burden on society for a while first."

"Fair enough, you've earned it."

"Maybe," Cas wasn't convinced he had, it wasn't society's fault he got mixed up in what happened. He'd more be a burden on Jet's inheritance. "Hey, did Jet ever explain to you why he got MacLeod's money?"

"Not really, I haven't talked to him much." Michael looked a little uncomfortable with just the thought. "But Bobby had told me that it was because Jet worked for MacLeod too, he guesses it was because Jet was a favourite."

"I was a favourite," Cas hoped it didn't sound jealous, he really didn't want to be MacLeod's favourite anything.

"Yeah, but he liked Jet in a… different way. Apparently the dress code involved being shirtless majority of the time-"

"Stop! Stop right now!" Cas waved his arms in front of him, trying to shake the idea and keep it away. "Eugh, I remember they talked about it but I don't want it to be fresh in my memory, thanks."

"Sorry," Michael was trying not to laugh, they both attempted to keep it at just above whispering levels and no higher. "But we're pretty sure that was it, none of us got a chance to talk to him about it and I get the feeling we don't really want to."

"I don't, that's for sure."

Another silence fell between them and they both took the time to think. Cas could recall his time in MacLeod's lab, he could recall forgetting and remembering everything that had happened to him in that time. But that didn't give him any answers as to what the others were doing, or what had happened in their lives.

"You… ever talk to mom and dad?" He caught himself asking, knowing full well that Michael was going to drop in mood. Except that didn't happen, Michael just shrugged it off.

"Nah," it was simple, no rage or malice or anything mixed in.

"Okay," Cas looked at his brother more adamantly, "you always used to get mad whenever we talked about them, what happened to change that?"

Michael shook his head, "I don't know, really. I guess I realized I had bigger things to worry about, I didn't have any energy to waste on hating them."

"Was I the thing stealing all your energy?"

"Yeah, but that's alright."

Cas could feel how content Michael was and it made him smile, he didn't doubt for a second that it was okay. Michael was just happy to have Castiel back, to be remembered at all. Maybe it'd be okay to have a more serious conversation…

"So what did you do after I disappeared?"

Michael pursed his lips for a second and exhaled heavier than he had previously. "Well… after the police stopped actively looking I joined Charlie for a bit. She had stayed in town for a long time, I did what I could…"

"It started to look hopeless, huh?" Cas inched a bit closer and put his hand on Michael's shoulder as his brother nodded.

"Yeah, it did." Michael took a long, deep breath and closed his eyes for a few seconds. "It was really hard. I used to think that you needed me, that you wouldn't make it without me. But I learned in the time you were gone that it was me; that I needed you and not the other way around."

"I need you, Mike." Cas corrected him softly in the small pause given. "I always do, you're my brother."

A sharp scoff escaped Michael as he tried to force down sadder emotions, a smile added for better effect. "A lot of good I did you."

"I thought we said we were past this," Cas shuffled his wing behind Michael and curved it around him, "We're even, remember?"

"I know, I know… it's just hard to shake something you've held onto for so long already."

Cas nodded, he wasn't sure what to say to that. Hell, he didn't know what to say half the time and just said the first bit of wisdom that came to mind. The result was a mixed bag of good, bad, and neutral situations. He leaned against Michael's side and stared at the wall across the hallway. "So… I take it you just worked?"

"Yep, every day they'd let me."

"Girlfriend?"

"Nope."

"Boyfriend?"

"Nope."

"Wow," Cas tried not to laugh, "you just wasted away then?"

"Yeah," Michael was dead serious and it made Cas feel bad for trying to make it into a joke. "Sad, right?" Michael was smiling again though, Cas wasn't sure what to make of it.

"Yeah…" he trailed off and looked back at the wall, unsure of what to say all over again so he just decided to talk and see what would come out. "Are you sad now?"

"Not at all," Michael put his arm around Cas' shoulders and gave him a squeeze. "I don't think I've been happier in my whole life."

"Somehow… that makes me feel better."

"It's still kinda sad though."

"Yeah, kinda."

Michael grinned, "Guess I'll have to expand the way I live from now on… maybe it'd be better in a house full of people."

Cas lit up, his wings fluttered immediately with his sudden joy. "You serious!? You'll come stay with me?"

"For a while," Michael barely managed to say before getting a rib-crushing hug. His breathing became more of a wheeze as he sputtered, "just to… make sure you're okay."

"That's so great! Thank you!"

"Shhh," a nurse hushed them in passing and Cas smiled sheepishly.

"Sorry," he whispered and waved.

"C'mon," Michael stood up and helped Cas do the same, "Let's get some sleep."

"What, on those chairs?"

"Unless you've got a better place?"

"Nope, chairs it is."

Sleep hadn't come easy and Cas found himself fighting it every step of the way. Michael was out pretty fast; Dean, Jet and Desirae were in a deep sleep. Sam had gotten up every once in a while to walk around and sit down again, Cas just watched and said nothing. He tried several different positions and found nothing that worked.

Not that he couldn't be comfortable, he was close to sleeping a few times but his heartrate stuttered and jumped each time. He drifted in and out, like tiny naps that did almost nothing to make him feel better.

Dean's breathing was ragged and the machines seemed suddenly so loud. Michael snored and that sounded exceedingly noisy too, but it was a better noise. If it weren't for noises like that Cas was sure he'd lose it.

Sleep crept in and he tried to fall into it. He heard the rhythmic beeping of Dean's machines and his stomach twisted up. He could almost hear the distant saw buzzing. Beep.

'Keep your eyes closed,' he told himself.

Beep. He could've sworn he felt a needle prick his neck.

'It's just the hospital equipment,'

Beep. Were there hands on him? Was that saw getting closer?

'It's nothing to worry about. That's a good sound.'

Beep. Castiel opened his eyes and listened to the room again. Nothing out of the ordinary, no one had moved.

He took another few minutes to calm down and tried to rest his head on the bed. He sighed as softly as he could and closed his eyes again.

His body felt uneasy, he knew he was in a medical place, somewhere they did surgeries and tests on bodies. He knew that the place he was in was friendly but that didn't curb his worries. His breathing rate increased and he tried to calm it down.

Quieting his mind wasn't working, he could hear every sound in the room and then some, his imagination adding little familiar noises that brought him too far back. He could feel a dirt floor under him at the same time as a hard, flat surface. His wings curled and ached at the base, his back shuddered and he grit his teeth.

"I just wanna sleep," he growled tiredly, tears filled his eyes as he tried to keep quiet. Sleeping never used to be so hard, not even when he had just been freed from the basement. Cas realized that he really had disconnected himself from it that whole time, he wasn't used to dealing with it at all.

Another hour went by and he had changed positions more times than there were new positions to switch to. Cas wished he could crawl into Dean's bed and cuddle up, he wished he could just snuggle close and all his nightmares would disappear. But Dean was hurt and he wouldn't dare make it worse.

Cas shuffled close to Dean's bed and laid on it with as much of himself on the bed as he could, it wasn't a lot but it was closer to Dean. Just that bit of intimacy was calming, Cas reached over and took Dean's hand, he tried to sleep again. Darkness swept in and he lost the sound of the heart monitor and ventilator.

"Castiel, it's been a long time."

His chest tightened and he suddenly felt like he was falling, bolting upright again and staring at the still hospital room.

"Cas?" Dean was drowsy and barely awake, but he was more conscious than he'd been most of the evening. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Cas didn't want to worry him, "Go back to sleep, Dee."

Dean frowned and held Cas' hand as tightly as he could muster, "Don't lie to me, Cas. What happened?"

Cas felt a small whine in his throat and tried to swallow it, an old communication habit he didn't want to come back. "Sorry," he whispered and moved closer, lying down so his head was close to Dean's. "I'm having trouble sleeping."

Dean made a tired grunting sound as if he understood and pulled on Cas' arm, "C'mere."

"I can't, you'll fall out-"

"I won't, now get up here."

Cas didn't argue further, he carefully crawled in and Dean used him as a pillow.

"See? No pressure on my chest, we're all good." Dean muttered and snuggled down, falling asleep almost instantly.

Cas watched Dean doze off, felt his weight and strong sense of calm. Sleep came to him, and though it wasn't nightmare-free, it was still timid enough to get him through the rest of the night.