The party is over. John and Dean have a bonding moment. Ianto can't sleep, and he is a little careless with his phone. Gwen picks up the car in the morning and gets some exciting news. John wakes up with regrets and anxiety, and refuses to go downstairs. Dean is hungover, and Sam is annoying him. Back in school a few days later, there are a few awkward moments, but Mr Evans is taking their mind off things. They have to form new duos, which leaved Dean in a little bit of a pickle. Garth and Charlie steps up and sing a familiar song. Castiel is missing.

Songs in this chapter

Bed's too big without you - The Police - M/L: Sting

Same Love (She keeps me warm) - Macklemore & Ryan Lewis, Mary Lambert - M/L: Ben Haggerty, Ryan Lewis, Mary Lambert

A recipe for hangovers and regrets

"Great party." Dean's voice was a little slurred and he had a hard time focusing on John. "Did everybody leave, or…" He took another drag from the joint before he handed to his friend. "Sam is, er, he's still here, right?" John nodded. "Yup. And Jo, and Jack."

They were sitting on the couch in the loft, and Dean couldn't quite remember how they managed to get away from the others. "Why are they not here with us? I would share." He nudged John and reached for the beer on the table. "Oh, no. They were not supposed to know, right?"

He recalled a picture of his brother curled up in one of the loveseats with Jo. They had both fallen asleep shortly after midnight, and nobody seemed to care. It didn't take much longer after that before the party started to dissolve. Gwen and Ianto were too drunk to drive, but Jane offered to take them home. She had promised to bring Unique and Kevin home anyway, and hadn't had much alcohol except for the champagne, so she was technically sober. Charlie left when her mother came to pick her up a half hour ago.

"Cas. Is Castiel still here?" Dean knew that he was supposed to go with Ianto and Gwen home, but Dean hadn't seen him since they left the rooftop to go downstairs again.

John sighed. "He's still here. I don't know what happened, but he just collapsed and I had to get him to bed. I guess he's not used to drinking so much." Dean nodded. "Good. Good. You're a good guy, John Hart." He took another hit when John handed him the joint back.

"You like him don't you?" John leaned back on the couch and rested his head against the wall. "Cas I mean. You like him a lot." Dean drew his breath heavily before he turned to look at John. "I do, but it's a secret. I don't like, er, I, he's so nice and sweet and…" He knew he'd said too much, but he also knew that John was aware of this already. "Don't tell anybody, I'm scared. I don't want to like him like that."

John wrapped his arm around his shoulders. "It's nothing to be scared of. I think he likes you too. Did you kiss him on the roof?" He nodded towards the open door to the rooftop. Dean shook his head. "No I didn't. Should I have? I wanted to, but I was afraid I would…" He had to stop. John was getting too much information, and the guy was a notorious teaser. "You kissed him, didn't you?"

John chuckled silently. "I did. Castiel's first kiss ever. Are you jealous?" Dean stared at John. "First kiss ever, you're joking?" For a moment he felt sober, but it didn't last long. "You didn't know? That's what we talked about at Gwen's party. That's why I kissed him on the cheek. If you hadn't attacked me I would probably have tried to make out with him just as a curtesy. I'm glad I didn't though. You would probably have killed me."

Dean knew that John was exaggerating, but he understood. The rage he felt when he thought John was hitting on Castiel came out of nowhere, but he kind of knew that it had nothing to do with the actual kiss. He got jealous, and it had scared the crap out of him. Anger was the only outlet he could think of, but he never really planned to attack John. The little peck on the cheek was just the little drop that was needed to set him off.

"I like girls you know." He tried to focus on John, but his vision was a little blurry. "I also like girls. One doesn't rule out the other." John patted him on the back. "I have never been picky, and I hate labels. If you are in love with the choirboy, you should just embrace it. Love is love."

"I'm not in love with him." Dean scoffed. "It's not like that. I just, I, er, hm…" He couldn't be in love with a guy. That was just too ridiculous. John's rationalisations didn't apply to him. "I don't want to talk about it anymore. Can I just sleep here? Those stairs are pretty steep." He lied down and tried to kick John off the couch.

"Sure. I should get back down anyway. Jack probably thinks that we are 'doin it'." He walked over to the door and closed it. "Sleep tight. And just so you know, I can keep secrets."

-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Ianto had a hard time falling asleep. He was picturing John and Jack together, and it bothered more than he wanted to admit to himself. John's house was big enough for everybody to stay overnight, but Ianto got a clear impression that John wanted them out. It wasn't anything he said, and he seemed somewhat sad when they left, but there was something undefined in the air.

Jack was obviously going to spend the night, and that made Ianto extremely jealous. He had noticed the clandestined glanced the two of them had shared, and one didn't have to be a genius to understand what that meant.

He tried to push it away. It was just silly to think of because there was nothing he could do about it regardless.

Gwen and Ianto had agreed that he was going to go pick up the car in the morning, but now he regretted that. He could of course just get the car without John's knowledge, but it would be very impolite. Going inside to get his worst thoughts confirmed didn't seem like a good option either. If he could convince Gwen to go anyway, it would probably be for the best.

There was still that urge to know though. If John and Jack became an item, it would be sort of devastating. Not only did he feel that he would lose his best friend, but in his drunken state in the middle of the night, he had to admit that he was falling head over heels for Jack.

It was a serious pickle he'd gotten himself into. He didn't know if it would have made a difference, but he was beating himself up for being so scared and bothered by his own feelings. If he'd just dared to step up, he could possibly have prevented this.

Or maybe not. John and Jack could of course be in love, and that would be a different story, but for some reason Ianto didn't believe that. He was pretty sure that if the two of them hooked up, it was purely for sex. And if they hooked up once, nothing would prevent them from doing it again and again.

Getting between them would be very difficult if that happened, and Ianto knew it in his heart that he wasn't man enough to even try.

That was that then. The ship was sailing while he lied there and felt sorry for himself. He reached for his phone and found John's number. After several tries to write a text that could explain his concerns without revealing too much he gave up. There was really nothing to say. He looked at his phone again and scrolled to Jack's name and opened messages. He wrote 'I love you' before he erased it again.

He tried again. 'Wish you were here'. He started to hum the Pink Floyd song as he erased that one too. 'So, so you think you can tell…' Ianto looked at the text and wondered if Jack would understand the implied meaning. He didn't know if Jack was that into Pink Floyd to know the lyrics. He held his finger over the 'send' button before he changed his mind. There wasn't any point in it anyway. He was about to remove the message when the phone almost slipped out of his hand, and before he knew it the text was sent on it's way.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

There was something familiar with the words in that weird text message Jack got just before he fell asleep, but at that point he couldn't for his life remember why. It could have been just a half a message that Ianto failed to finish, but the ellipses at the end told him otherwise. A bit drunk and a lot tired, he decided to check it out in the morning, but when he woke up he'd totally forgotten about it.

When John refused to get out of bed, Jack went downstairs to see if he could find food and coffee. Dean came down shortly after, and after a quick greeting he went to find his brother. They opted to get home, and didn't stay for breakfast. Jo practically crawled in there and begged for mercy.

Ianto had said that he was going to come as soon as possible to get the car, so when Dean offered to take her home, she declined. "I have to get to Gwen's, so I can just as well wait."

Cas came down a little while ago and he was not feeling very good either, but after a cup of Jack's industrial strength coffee, he started to look better.

All three of them were still at John's house when Gwen came to pick up the car. They had expected Ianto, but Jack was relieved when the girl came instead. He knew there shouldn't be any reason for it, but he didn't feel that he could have looked Ianto in the eyes at this very moment.

Gwen got clearly surprised when he opened the door, and she stared at him a little suspiciously. "Oh, you're still here. Anyone else?" She entered, but stopped just inside. Jack smiled at her and nodded. "Cas and Jo are here. Jo got a call from her mom asking if she wanted to be picked up, but she had to decline. Aparently she's at your place." He gestured for her to follow him.

"Yeah, that's what she told her parents, I guess I have to take her home then. What about Cas? How is he getting home?" She kicked off her shoes and walked behind Jack through the dining room and towards the kitchen.

Jo and Castiel was sitting at the counter, Cas waved when she approached. "My dad is furious. He called this morning and I told him that we stayed up all night in the lobby of the nursing home, but I don't think he believed me. I'm gonna be grounded for life." He didn't seem too concerned though as he grabbed a couple of finger sandwiches left after the party.

"Where's John?" She reached out and took a sandwich herself. "I should thank him for a great party." Jack pointed up. "He's upstairs. He hasn't been down here at all. We had to find food ourselves."

Gwen scoffed. "Hung over? I'm not too peachy myself today, but I got up at a reasonable hour." She slumped down on a stool. "You have any coffee?" Jack went over to the cupboard and found a cup for her. "I don't think he's hung over, no." He wasn't sure why John didn't come downstairs, but he knew that it wasn't because of a hangover. He poured some coffee in it before he handed it to Gwen.

"So you have talked with him?" Gwen looked at him before she took a sip. "Yuck, what is this? Tar? You have any milk?" She put the cup down. "So you have talked with him? What's the matter then?"

Jack had no idea if there was any milk, but he went into the walk-in cooler to check. "Nope. No milk. Yeah, he was kinda chipper when we woke up, and he said he was feeling alright." He poured himself some more coffee. "I think the coffee is fine, you're just complaining for no reason."

Gwen looked down at her cup before she jerked her head up and stared at him. "When we woke up?" Instantly, Jack knew he'd said too much. The little slip was inexcusable, but Gwen was complaining about the coffee, and he kind of forgot that it was supposed to be a secret. "Well, I slept in his room, but…" He knew he had to lie, and tried to come up with something that would sound plausible. "We were sitting in his room talking after you all had left, and then we just passed out."

Jack was satisfied with what he came up with on such short notice, and it looked like Gwen was buying it. "That's not even close to the truth." Jo rolled her eyes. "I saw you!" She'd barely said a word since the Winchester brothers left about an hour ago. After their departure, she had dragged herself into the kitchen and practically crawled up on one of the stools begging for silence, and Jack wished that she would have honored it herself. "You guys were practically doing it in front of me."

Castiel hadn't said much either since he came downstairs after sleeping it off in one of the guestrooms. "Really? What did I miss?"

Jo was about to reply, but Jack intervened. "Okay, we made out, but it was not, er, it was not… We..., it was nothing." He looked at Gwen. "Really. It was nothing. We just… it was New year's eve, and John wanted to make out with everybody." He tried hard to remember if they did or said anything that would contradict him.

"He made out with you on the roof, so why did he have to do it again. He didn't make out with me at all." Jo threw her hands out. "I'm just saying." She drew her breath. "I was, er, still are I think, drunk, but I had one clear moment and that was when the two of you almost started to undress each other in the living room. Made out, pfft. That was foreplay if you know what I mean."

Gwen shook her head. "I'm not even going to try to get to the bottom of this. If you and John hooked up, it's okay. Nobody will hold it against you. It's kind of cute." She pushed the coffeecup away and stood up. "I can't drink this, but we really have to go anyway. Get ready guys."

Both Jo and Cas looked a little disappointed, but they complied. Jo went into the living room to get her purse, and Castiel ran upstairs to find his jacket and his tie.

"Nothing happened really, but could you not say anything about this to Ianto?" Jack looked at Gwen. "And can you please tell those two to keep their mouths shut also?" The look on Gwen's face told him that he again had been a little careless.

"What the hell does Ianto have to do with this?" Gwen looked a little puzzled, but then she just shrugged. "I'm sure he'll be happy for you." She started to walk away just as Jo returned, and shortly after that Castiel came down and joined them. "Okay. I have to meet my fate. If you don't see me again, come save me." Cas giggled a little and grabbed Gwen's arm. "Let's spend my last few minutes of freedom together."

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

"That's enough." Dean shook his head. "So you slept on the same couch. No kissing, no fondling, no nothing. She was drunk and passed out next to you. That doesn't mean shit." He was sick and tired of Sam's ranting about Jo. There wasn't much to rant about, but his brother was unable to let it go.

"Did you even kiss her on the rooftop? No you didn't. There's nothing to be so excited about. She's not 'your girl'." He was tired and grumpy, and didn't need his lovestruck brother to keep him from getting a couple of more hours of sleep.

Sam had practically been hyper since they left John's house, and he couldn't stop trying to analyze everything that Jo had done after they went up to the roof. Dean had to admit that she behaved rather strange, but he just thought that she was afraid of fireworks.

She had been clinging to his brother the whole time they were up there, and according to Sam, she hadn't even tried to greet anybody else. She was still holding on to him when they went downstairs again, and Sam had manouvered them onto the couch where she passed out pretty quickly.

"Drunk girl. She didn't know what she was doing. Let it go." He walked over to the alcove. "If you don't need more sleep, it's fine, but I'm going to go to bed now."

He remembered vaguely that he and John had spent a few minutes together in the loft before he fell asleep, but it didn't take long before he woke up again. It was very cold, and he tried to find something to cover himself with. When he didn't succeed, he decided to find better accommodations.

One floor down, he entered a room to find Castiel sleeping soundly in a big king size bed. He wanted to crawl in there, but even if he was both stoned and drunk, he didn't dare, so he just slumped down on the floor next to the bed. It was at least a bit warmer in there.

He did sleep a little, but it was choppy and when he eventually decided to get out of there, he was also a bit sore from sitting in the same position for the longest time.

Bottom line was that he needed to go to bed. He had this day off before he had to be at work, and he knew that if he heard Jo's name mentioned one more time, he would punch his brother.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

"Bed's too big without you

Cold with blows right thru' my open door

I can't sleep with your memory

Dreaming dreams of what used to be."

John loved his bed, and he'd never ever thought that it was too big for one person, but after Jack left the room he felt lonely between the sheets.

"...No regrets, no love, no tears

Living on my own was the least of my fears."

Sting's words hit him hard. He'd just turned on some music to try to forget about his own feelings, but this song made it even worse. The only thing he could hope for was that Jack didn't go around and tell everybody what happened during the night. It wasn't like he didn't enjoy it, but 'no regrets' didn't really apply.

"Every day, just the same

Old rules for the same old game

All I gained was heartache

All I made was one mistake."

He knew he should have got up and taken care of the guys that had spent the night, but facing them right now wasn't something he looked forward to. He also expected Ianto to come pick up the car, and he definitely didn't want to look the guy in the eyes at the moment.

John strongly felt that he'd been cheating. He wanted Ianto, and now he'd gone ahead and really screwed that up. Not that he would have had a chance with him anyway. Ianto didn't seem very interested, and it was quite possible that he was completely straight.

When he came downstairs after the little intermezzo with Dean, Jack had tidied up all the glasses and the empty bottles around the living room. He had also managed to find a blanket for Sam and Jo who were cuddled up on the couch.

John found it a little awkward to approach, but Jack solved that just fine. He had poured whiskey into two tumblers and waved John over to the loveseat. "A nightcap?" He lifted his glass and patted the white leather next to him.

They never drank it. As soon as John was seated they kind of fell into each others arms and picked up where they'd left it about twelve hours ago.

That they weren't alone in the room was soon forgotten, so when Jo emitted a soft grunt they both got a little startled. The girl looked like she was still sleeping, but they realized that it would be better to take it upstairs.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Missing

A few days later school was back, and after fourth period, they all met up in the choir room. The two Sams entered a little after, and the young Winchester got introduced as Mr Evans assistant. Everybody knew about it at this time, so it didn't come as a surprise, but they all cheered and whooped welcoming their newest member.

"Where's Cas?" Sam Evans panned the crowd. They hadn't had time to miss him yet, and they all looked around as if the guy was hiding somewhere in the room. "Did anyone see him today? Has he been to school?" Gwen got up and started pacing. "This is my fault, I…" She stopped when several of the students spoke simultaneously. "Yes", "I did," "He was in Spanish", "I met him in the hall this morning", "We left English together, but then he vanished", "He was on the bleachers around lunchtime", "I think his brother came. Maybe he took him home."

The last remark made Gwen flip her head around and look at Kevin. "What did you say?" She sounded angry and Kevin seemed to get a little startled. "Well, uh, I just saw them in the parking lot. I think it was his brother. I remember him from a picture on Cas' facebook."

Mr Evans walked over to Gwen and forced her down on a seat. "What's going on? Why would it be your fault if he doesn't show?" Gwen looked down for a second, and it could seem like she was struggling to compose herself. "Well, it's kind of not, but I lied for him and now he's grounded for life."

With all the commotion around Castiel's whereabouts, nobody but one student noticed the under other circumstances quite obvious tension between three of the other members. John and Jack were sitting as far apart as possible, while Ianto was seated in the middle of the crowd. The latter kept throwing glances at the two others, and it could look like he was in pain.

Jack and John seemed to do their best to ignore each other, as they both kept a keen eye on Ianto. Jo was interested to know what had happened with Cas, but she couldn't rip her eyes away from the three of them. She knew that John and Jack hooked up after the party, and a few month ago she would have found it a little repulsing. Now she thought it was quite cute, but it didn't seem like the two boys agreed with her.

What Ianto had to do with anything, she definitely didn't grasp. She had a theory that John and Ianto could have had a thing, but she'd spent a lot of time with the two of them over the last semester, and there were no indication that they were more than friends.

The weird tension could of course be due to something totally different, but she couldn't for her life think of anything.

She got a little thrown off task when she noticed Dean sitting in the back nervously biting his nails. That was so out of character for him that she for a moment forgot about the three others. Dean was staring at Gwen and Mr Evans as they discussed what could have happened to Cas, and if Ianto looked like he was in pain, Dean seemed like a guy who'd just received a death sentence.

"Okay. We don't know what's going on, but I will find out. In the meantime, we have to do what we came here to do." Mr Evans stood up in front of the class. "Let's not assume the worst." He walked over to the whiteboard and grabbed a marker. "I want duets. I want new pairs. Pick someone you haven't sung with before and give me something good." He turned to them. "We have only weeks to go before regionals, so make this count."

In the corner of her eye, Jo noticed that John and Jack finally looked at each other. The rest of the students tried to find someone to sing with and they were pretty loud. A couple of them approached Jack, but he shook his head and kept staring at John.

She was so focused on them, that when Kevin came up to her and ask if they could do a duet together, she just nodded in agreement. She didn't care.

After a few minutes of chatter, Dean was the only one without a companion. He hadn't said a word as far as Jo knew, but now he sighed as he got up from his chair. "I guess it'll be me and Cas then." He sighed heavily again. "I'll try to get a hold of him before tomorrow."

Garth had moved over to the band and was talking with Brad. Charlie was practically tap-dancing behind him, and she looked a little nervous.

The two of them had obviously already rehearsed a song, and when Brad started playing, Jo recognized the melody, but she couldn't quite remember what it was.

"When I was in the third grade

I thought I was gay…"

Garth didn't quite match Macklemore, but he did good. Everybody quieted down and stopped what they were doing. Jo had heard the song many times before, but she hadn't really listened to the lyrics before.

"America the brave still fears what we don't know

And "God loves all his children" is somehow forgotten

But we paraphrase a book written thirty-five-hundred years ago

I don't know."

Charlie closed her eyes before she took a step forward and started singing the chorus. For the first time since this song was released, Jo really got what this song was all about and she felt embarrassed.

"And I can't change

even if I tried

even if I wanted to

And I can't change…"

Charlie was clearly nervous as she sang the lines, but although a little shaky, her voice was clear and pure. There were rumors about Charlie's sexuality. She had never confirmed or denied, but nobody in Glee-club had really cared,

"She keeps me warm

She keeps me warm

She keeps me warm…"

That she sang this song didn't really confirm anything, but it didn't matter. Jo had for the longest time felt that homosexuals just wanted attention. Maybe some of them did, but listening to the lyrics of the song, she realized that it had nothing to do with that.

"Gay is synonymous with the lesser

It's the same hate that's caused wars from religion

Gender to skin color, the complexion of your pigment

The same fight that led people to walk outs and sit ins

It's human rights for everybody, there is no difference!"

Tears started to run down her cheeks. She'd thought that she'd accepted gays. She really liked John and Jack hooking up, but this wasn't about two guys getting together. This had to do with a whole mindframe that she had never thought of before.

"No law is gonna change us

We have to change us

Whatever God you believe in

We come from the same one

Strip away the fear

Underneath it's all the same love.."

Jo was sobbing as Charlie stepped forward to do the chorus again. She tried to hide it as best as she could and since everybody was looking at Garth and Charlie it kind of worked. She felt a hand on her shoulder, but didn't look up. From looking at the shoes of the person standing next to her she knew it was Unique, and the embarrassment grew. Jo had been so mean to her when they first met, and now she came over to comfort her.

"Love is patient

Love is kind

Love is patient

Love is kind…"