Mantyke

Ysavvryl: Hmm, another toughie. The obvious match is Remoraid, which was already covered. Let's see…

In the cold waters of Sinnoh, a little Mantyke soared underneath the waves. His wing fins helped him to glide along the currents at high speeds. But he wanted to go even faster. Feeling the conditions of the water with his antennae, he shifted down and to the right, catching a faster current. After taking this ride for several minutes, he sharply turned upward and broke out of the ocean's surface. He caught a breeze and glided through the air now, squealing in delight. Several nearby swimmers saw him and laughed with joy at the little Pokemon's antics.

Inner Critic: HOLD IT!
Ysavvryl: What? I'm just getting started.
Critic: It's dumb already.
Ysavvryl: It's only one paragraph in. I'm just playing with the Pokedex entries.
Critic: It's just some little Pokemon playing around. It's going nowhere. Get into gear.
Ysavvryl: But he's so cute!
Mantyke: Yay!
Ysavvryl: And see, he's having such fun. Just roll with it and we'll see where it goes.
Critic: I don't like it.
Ysavvryl: I can stick you in your little mental prison again…
Critic: Okay fine. Grumble grumble.

Mantyke crashed back into the water gleefully, then swam back the way he'd come. It was slower, as he was going against the current. When he got into a good position, he caught the fast current again, then leapt out of the water to glide closer to the swimmers. However, they had started a Pokemon battle between a Seaking and a Pelliper. Mantyke wasn't interested in fighting. He got hurt during fights more often than he got hurt while playing. When he landed back in the water, he caught the fast current and headed south.

After a while of gliding in and out of the water, Mantyke started to get bored. Playing by himself was okay, but now he wanted to play with somebody else. He looked around, eventually finding a Tentacruel. Smiling, he swam up to the jellyfish Pokemon and called out cheerfully, "Hey, hey, come play with me."

Critic: This is still dumb.
Ysavvryl: What's your problem now?
Critic: It's starting to sound like some little kid's storybook.
Ysavvryl: And the problem with that is…?
Critic: Most of your readers are old enough to not be interested in preschool stories!
Mantyke: I like those stories.
Ysavvryl: He's a baby Pokemon, for crying out loud. A storybook format fits him. But then I might want to really simplify the language later on.
Critic: Grumble grumble.

Tentacruel snorted. "Play? That's for kids and babies, like you. I'm not interested in playing." He then floated off into the dark depths.

Ysavvryl: Gotcha.
Critic: Grumble grumble.
Mantyke: *laughs*

Mantyke pouted. "Aw…" But then he reminded himself to not give up. There were lots of Pokemon in the ocean. Surely one of them would want to play. He swam on.

Next, he encountered an Octillery. The red octopus Pokemon was swimming along in search of something. "Pardon me," she said.

He grinned. "Hey, hey, come play with me!"

But she shook her head. "Not right now, sorry. Go find some of my unevolved kin; they usually play with the likes of you." She then continued her search, jetting through the blue waters.

Disappointed but not deterred, Mantyke swam on. Eventually, he spotted a different tint of blue in the ocean. He swam closer and realized that it was a Pokemon. And not just any Pokemon, but the biggest and largest Pokemon ever, a Wailord.

Critic: Hold on a moment. Are there even Wailords in that area? Where are you setting this anyhow?
Ysavvryl: The water passage to the Elite Four. I'm pretty sure that's where you find Mantykes.
Critic: But what about Wailords?
Ysavvryl: I dunno. But I'm not changing it! It's funny.
Critic: No it's not.
Ysavvryl: You don't find anything funny.
Critic: And why are you still on this flimsy plot of finding a playmate?
Ysavvryl: It's the rule of three. He has to run into three Pokemon to ask. And since it's a rule, you can't argue against it.
Critic: Fine, but get onto something more relevant after.

Now delighted, Mantyke called out as loudly as he could, "Mr. Wailord! Hey, hey, come play with me!"

"HMMMM?" the giant Pokemon said, shifting his head left to right. "WHO'S SPEAKING TO ME?"

"It's me, Mantyke!" he yelled. "I want someone to play with!"

"I DON'T SEE YOU," Wailord replied. "I'M SORRY. I WOULDN'T MIND PLAYING WITH YOU BUT IF I CAN'T SEE YOU, I MIGHT HURT YOU BY ACCIDENT. NOT TODAY."

"Ooooh. Well, have a nice day anyhow."

"YOU TOO, LITTLE ONE." Wailord then swam on, creating a wake so powerful that it threw off Mantyke's directions for a second.

Saddened, Mantyke sighed. He wasn't having much luck finding someone to play with, and now it didn't seem as fun to play on his own. He wondered where his kin were. Sooner or later, he had to run into another Mantyke. So he swam on.

Then, after he passed through the shadow of a boat, he got hit on the head with a beer bottle.

Critic: Stop right there! I've got you now.
Ysavvryl: Huh? I was getting into a good trance there…
Critic: If you're going to have a storybook feel, you can't just throw in a beer bottle.
Ysavvryl: Nobody's gonna drink out of it! It's empty, I swear.
Critic: You still can't have it in there. It implies that somebody was drinking, probably whoever's in the boat.
Ysavvryl: I know some guys who drink while fishing. I don't do that, but…
Critic: Can't have it.
Ysavvryl: Okay, fine.

Then, after he passed through the shadow of a boat, he got hit on the head with a glass bottle.

Ysavvryl: Well?
Critic: It could still be a beer bottle.

Then, after he passed through the shadow of a boat, he got hit on the head with a glass soda bottle.

Ysavvryl: Happy now?
Critic: No.
Mantyke: Are you ever happy, Mr. Critic?
Ysavvryl: No, critics are never happy. But at least I can move on with the story.

Then, after he passed through the shadow of a boat, he got hit on the head with a glass soda bottle. "Owie," he said, wishing his fins could bend around so he could rub his head. Since he couldn't do that, he grabbed the bottle and swam up to the surface. There was a single fisherman in the small boat, so Mantyke threw the bottle back at him. "Hey, don't go dropping your trash on us!"

"Ow!" the man said, after the bottle hit him on the elbow. He turned to the Mantyke and glowered. "That was uncalled for."

"No it wasn't. You hit me with that bottle."

"I didn't see you under there," the fisherman said.

Critic: Why are the human and Pokemon speaking to each other normally? They shouldn't be able to!
Ysavvryl: This is one of those exceptions. Plenty of kid storybooks have humans and animals talking, so it's not like it's new.
Critic: And what's with the sudden anti-littering message?
Ysavvryl: You wanted a more relevant plot.
Critic: But you haven't shown any indication of an environmentalist theme in this story yet! Not even a mention of 'pristine waters' or 'trash troubles'. It just came up out of nowhere. This story is utterly weak and stupid. You should trash it and write something entirely different. It is in no way entertaining and…
Ysavvryl: Hey Mantyke.
Mantyke: Yeah, what?
Ysavvryl: I'm going to ask something a bit unusual of you. Here's what you're gonna do next.

"I didn't see you under there," the fisherman said.

Mantyke frowned at him. "You is bad man. You no can has cookie. The sign sayz no litterin'! And the Walrein sayz to return his bukkit."

Critic: What the fudge was that? !
Ysavvryl: LOLcat.
Mantyke: That was funny!
Critic: That wasn't proper English, or even a proper half-language! It was… was….
Ysavvryl: Okay, let's finish the story while the critic is stumped.
Mantyke: Yeah!
Ysavvryl: But we have to redo that line.
Mantyke: Awwww.

"I didn't see you under there," the fisherman said.

Mantyke frowned at him. "There's lots of Pokemon in the ocean, so you could have hit anybody! You could have hit the Wailord."

"There's Wailords around here?" He looked around the waters, searching for surface signs.

"You're gonna pay for messing up the water." He then dove back under the surface.

But what could he do? He was just a little Pokemon, not big enough to capsize the boat like the Wailord could have. He wasn't too good with attacks, so he couldn't hit the fisherman like the Octillery could have. And he wasn't intimidating or sly, so he couldn't scare him off like the Tentacruel could have. What could he do?

Watching the boat, Mantyke saw the fisherman's line drop back into the water. A Magikarp came up, investigating the tasty-smelling bait. Then he knew what to do. Mantyke swam up to the Magikarp. "Don't take it!" he cried out.

"But it leads to a Trainer," Magikarp pointed out. "Trainers make you strong."

"Yes, but he doesn't respect the water," Mantyke argued. "He dumped his old glass onto my head."

"Did he? That's not right."

"Help me tell everybody around not to come to this guy, all right?"

With the Magikarp's agreement, Mantyke swam around and informed other sea Pokemon of the troublesome human. No ocean Pokemon would go with a Trainer who willfully disrespected the water. And thus, the fisherman didn't catch anything that day.

Mantyke: And good wins out over the polluters!
Ysavvryl: That's right. Thanks for working with me, Mantyke.
Mantyke: It was fun, so I'll say thanks too. Thank you!
Ysavvryl: You're welcome.
Mantyke: But what about your inner critic?
Ysavvryl: It'll be back in true form shortly. It always recovers. But I have other ways of making it shut up.

...

Mantyke Diamond entry: A friendly Pokemon that captures the subtle flows of seawater using its two antennae.

Instructions for using prescription-strength LOLcats: Use sparingly with humorous intent.

So yeah. Forgive me of metafiction craziness.