Gwen managed to restrain her curiosity. It's not easy because she is starting to see a surprising pattern in Ianto's behavior that makes it really hard to keep quiet. Ianto feels the need to confide in somebody, but is not sure that Gwen is the one. Jack and John talk about what actually happened between them on New Year's eve. There is a little confusion about the terms. Castiel receives a call from a drunk and cold Dean, and decides to go and help him. After taking him home, Cas surprises both himself and Dean.
-o-o-o-o-o-
Songs in this chapter
Dazed and Confused - Led Zeppelin's version - M/L: Jimmy Page (inspired by Jake Holmes)
Apologise - OneRepublic - M/L: Ryan Tedder
-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-
It's too late
Gwen was quite puzzled by her cousin's behavior. She knew him very well. The two of them had practically grown up together as siblings when they were kids, and even if Ianto and his family moved to the US a few years back. they had stayed in constant contact with each other over the years.
He was never really moody, and he was the kind of guy who'd find solutions to any problem you could throw at him. If he didn't know the answer, he'd research until he could come up with something. That he seemed totally uninterested in most things at the moment was so out of character for him.
Gwen knew that he was kind of nerdy, and that he liked spending time alone, but now he was more reclusive than ever. She did suspect that it had something to do with Jack and John's hook-up, but she couldn't for her life understand why.
Normally he would confide in her, but he hadn't done that either. She could of course press the issue, and maybe she'd get an answer out of him, but he acted so strange that she wanted to wait for him to come to her.
A thought was tickling her 'gaydar', but she had never known Ianto to be interested in boys before, so she put that notion on the backburner for the time being. It would make sense though. If Ianto had a crush on John, he would definitely feel a little abandoned.
Knowing perfectly well that the two boys had shared a bed on multiple occasions, that thought didn't really sit well with her. As far as she knew there had never been any fooling around in that room. Gwen was pretty sure she would have noticed if there had been more than friendship between the two.
That John hadn't been to the house since the New Years party was suspicious though.
Maybe it was the other way around? Maybe John liked Ianto a little more than her cousin was ready for? If that was the case, then Ianto could have been the one who pushed the guy into Jack's arms. Maybe he was just worried that he'd lost John as a friend?
She knew she had to find out before it drove her crazy. Curiosity was her thing. It was a two edged sword, but it hadn't killed her yet.
She decided to give it another few days. They had no plans for the weekend, and if Ianto shut himself into his room as he'd done last weekend, she'd definitely take matters into her own hands. That kind of behavior wasn't healthy for anybody.
-o-o-o-o-o-o-
Castiel was busy trying to find a song that would please Mr Evans. He had no expectations about doing the lead at the competition, but at least he was going to try to come up with something that could work.
The fact that he was even considered for the part was quite amazing in itself, although he knew that he shouldn't take it personally. Their director obviously just wanted a different view, and since a few of them had had more than their share of solos, he needed to get some new input.
He had never really yearned for the spotlight, but with this assignment, Cas got somewhat excited about it.
His father was doing okay, but the man had a hard time being reconvalescent. Michael had to practically force him to relax and trust that his son could perform the duties that was required of a pastor. Castiel knew that his brother wasn't as confident about it as he tried to relay to their dad, but their dad had complied and had gone to bed early. Michael had gone to their church to prepare for the sermon on Sunday, and would probably not be back any time soon.
If their father had to be off of work for an extended period of time, a substitute would be provided for him, but for the time being the leader of the congregation was was satisfied with the arrangement.
Gabriel was back at uni, and wouldn't come home this weekend. Rachel was at work. Since she had asked for time off to care for their dad, they had asked her to work Friday and Saturday night instead. She was fine with that. Castiel's sister liked to work nights, although she wasn't crazy about ruining the whole weekend.
For Castiel, it meant that he pretty much had the house to himself. Mr Novak's room was at the far end upstairs, so if he closed the door, Cas could sit in the living room playing music for as long as he wanted without disturbing anybody.
He got very surprised when his phone rang a little after midnight. His surprise didn't get any less when he discovered that it was Dean. He picked it up and answered quickly. "Hey. What's up?" He tried to sound casual about even if he trembled a little.
"Sorry. Sorry. I…" There was a long pause before Dean continued. "Help me please. I'm kind of stuck in the middle of nowhere."
Dean sounded quite drunk. Castiel held the phone to his ear and wondered what to say. It felt like his brain was kind of a jumbled mess at the moment, and he wasn't sure if he could form a coherent sentence. "Er… okay? What's going on?"
"You hurt and abuse tellin' all of your lies.
Run around sweet baby, Lord how you hypnotize…"
He could hear music in the background, so he knew he was still connected, but it took a long while before Dean finally said something. "I was, kind of, I was angry with my dad and left the house. Now I'm too drunk to drive."
It wasn't easy to hear him over Robert Plant's vocals, and then a drum solo from the speakers in the car almost drowned the end of the sentence. Castel still got the gist of it.
"Every day I work so hard, bringin' home my hard earned pay
Try to love you baby, but you push me away…"
Castiel knew that Mr Winchester was back, and he also knew that both Dean and Sam weren't as happy about it as they probably should have been. "So what do you want me to do about it? Where are you?" He knew he'd go and pick up Dean in a heartbeat if that was what he wanted, but he needed to know where.
The music became a little more subtle and it was easier to hear Dean when he spoke next.
"I don't know. I just took off and found a nice place to park." He sounded a bit confused so Cas decided to man up and help out. "Can you use your GPS? I mean, just go online and open maps. It will tell you where your at."
He heard a sniffle before Dean replied. "I don't have that kind of phone. I never thought I needed it. Shit! I'm gonna have to stay here till I'm sober." It could sound as if he was about to cry.
The cymbals and the drumbeat picked up again and luckily Dean was alert enough to turn down the volume somewhat.
"Hang in there. Do you remember how you got there? Do you see anything that could make it possible to find you?" Castiel had already made the decision. He knew he had to go out and help Dean.
After giving a description of the area he was in, Dean tried to explain how he got there. It was a complicated tale, but Castiel thought it would be possible to find him. Just as he was about to hang up and sneak out, he could hear Robert Plant's voice again.
"Been dazed and confused for so long, it's not true…"
-o-o-o-o-o-o-
Ianto was twisting and turning in his bed. He never really had a problem with being alone, but at the moment he really needed a friend. He knew that Gwen would be there for him, but he was reluctant to talk to her about what was going on in his mind.
If he decided to confide in her, it would all be real, and he couldn't hide in the closet anymore. Knowing Gwen, Ianto knew that she would be very supportive and excited about it, but he didn't feel the need for that excitement right now.
He had crushed on guys before, but movie stars and famous musicians didn't really count. This time it was real. For the first time in his life he had a real crush on a real guy. The fact that this guy had flirted vigorously with him should have been good, but it was all contaminated after the happenings at John's party.
Ianto didn't want Gwen's pity either. He knew her well enough. She would be so understanding that it would be close to sickening, and that would not help at all.
He could have joined the rest of his family downstairs. They were watching a British comedy show, and seemed to have a good time. He could hear their laughter though the door when there was a pause in the music he was listening to.
"I'm holdin' on your rope,
Got me ten feet off the ground.
And I'm hearin' what you say,
But I just can't make a sound."
The fact that Mr Evans wanted him to come up with a solo as soon as possible just added to the stress. The only songs he could think off at the moment wouldn't fit in at all.
"...That it's too late to apologize.
It's too late.
I said it's too late to apologize.
It's too late.
Too late…"
As he lied there feeling sorry for himself he even contemplated on leaving Glee-club. He would still see Jack and John in the halls, but he wouldn't have to hang out with them hours on end watching them and actually feel the tension between them.
"I need you like a heart needs a beat,
But it's nothin' new, yeah!
I loved you with a fire red,
Now it's turnin' blue."
There was definitely something weird about the way those two behaved towards one another. It could seem like they tried to avoid contact, but at the same time, they had both kept a keen eye on the other.
That they seemed to have resolved their problems and actually had left together after rehearsal today, was also a problem for Ianto. If he had to live through the nightmare of seeing them hang out and maybe hook up again, he would surely walk away from the choir.
He knew perfectly well that his thoughts about all this didn't make sense. If John and Jack wanted to be together, it was none of his business. Especially since he wasn't interested in pursuing any of them. Ianto just wished he could have turned back time. If he'd known what would happen he would have acted differently towards them both.
After that infamous kiss John gave him on the neck a long time ago, Ianto pushed him away somewhat because he was afraid. Not only because it could ruin their friendship, but he also got scared about how his own body reacted to it. That he knew beforehand that he liked boys as well didn't make it easier, and given the chance, he'd chickened out. By being evasive and technically do nothing to clear up things, he'd ruined more than their friendship.
With Jack it was different. The guy was flirting with everybody, so Ianto never took it seriously, but maybe he should have. Maybe he should have dared to be a little more forthcoming and at least showed that he liked him.
It was futile to think about it now, and he couldn't really come up with any solution at the moment.
"It's too late to apologize.
It's too late.
I said it's too late to apologize.
It's too late.
I said it's too late to apologize, yeah!
I said it's too late to apologize, yeah!
I'm holdin' on your rope,
Got me ten feet off the ground."
-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-
Surprising conversations and revelations
"We didn't have sex, did we?" John was blushing a little as he threw a quick peek at Jack. It wasn't that he didn't remember that night, but he didn't really know what to call what happened in his bed. "Noooo, No we didn't." Jack stared at him wide-eyed as he shook his head. "We, er, it was technically just some elaborate cuddling."
John sighed. "It's just… I don't really regret it, but it was kinda silly. I like you and I could… oh fuck." He wanted to tell Jack how he felt about Ianto, but it wasn't easy.
When he asked if Jack wanted to come over, he was afraid that the guy would get the wrong idea, but he felt that they needed to talk. The tension between them had been quite bothersome during the first two weeks of school. He knew it was his fault, but he had sensed that Jack had his own issues regarding this, so it was about time that they got it out in the open.
"I didn't want anyone to know, and I'm a little pissed that you told…" Jack cut him off. "I didn't. I did my best to tone it down, but Jo wasn't totally out, so she saw us in the living room." He threw his hands out. " Gwen is a bit nosy, so… I couldn't avoid it. Anyway, I don't regret anything either, oh well, maybe a little bit, but it was nice. I like you too, and we… It was mutual. We knew what we were doing but maybe we should have considered the consequences."
John smiled a little shyly. "It was nice, but, oh I, can I tell you a secret?" He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment before he looked up again. Jack cocked his head and smiled humorlessly. "You sure it is a secret?" He sighed heavily before he continued. "I think I know."
They stared at each other for a few very long seconds. "It's about, huh, Ianto." Again John could feel that he was blushing, and it bothered him. "I kinda like him, like like him you know." He tried to meet Jack's eyes but had to look away. "I don't care if everybody on the planet knew what happened between us, but I didn't want him to know."
Jack was silent for a long time, and it became quite bothersome, but then he finally spoke. "I know. I knew that. You haven't been that subtle about it, but there is only one problem. Oh shit this is rough. I was thinking the same. I didn't want Ianto to know because I think I, okay, I like him too. He's… Fuck we're in a pickle."
That was kind of a new revelation. It wasn't that John hadn't had his suspicions, but Jack was the kind of guy who could get anybody. Why would he go for plain, boring Ianto. It was probably not nice to think about him that way, but the guy didn't stand out. It was only because John had learned to know him on a deeper level that he realized that Ianto was a catch.
"But he might not even be into guys." John slumped his head down while his brain was trying to come up with something more sensible to say. The barking sound of a loud scoff from Jack made him look up abruptly. The scoff turned into laughter as Jack got up from the couch and took a few steps out on the floor. "That, baby, is just a load of crap. He may like girls also, but I have a good gaydar. He is ripe for the pickin'. It's just a matter of who gets the first pick."
That sounded a little cynical, and John didn't like the way this conversation was going. "Fuck you. That's not... oh, you're making this sound so filthy." He tried to sound disgusted, but he secretly liked what Jack was saying. If it was true, if Ianto really was into guys he could have a chance.
As if Jack had read his thoughts, he looked straight at him. "Mind you. We probably blew that one. Literally. He knows about us, and I don't think he is the kind of guy who'd settle for leftovers."
Ianto's behavior towards the two of them lately, didn't really give much hope. "I know. So we're just two guys with the same agenda, and we screwed up majorly."
They looked at each other, and Jack let his hand run over his crotch. "Maybe we should just call it off and have some fun instead." He winked at John as he moved over to that couch again. John lifted his hand and showed Jack his palms. "Are you fucking kidding me? It's on. I don't care. If everything turns to shit, we can comfort each other, but I challenge you, Jack Harkness. I know Ianto better than you, and I'm prepared to play dirty."
Jack shook his head and smiled. "Okay." He slumped down on the couch again and reached his hand out. "It's on, but…" He cocked his head. "I know a song. We can do it together. It could possibly make it into regionals if we do it right."
-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-
It was really cold. Dean was shivering as he did his best to stay awake. Not that it would be easy to fall asleep completely with the chill embedded in his spine, but he had had a little too much booze to be completely in control of his body. It had been okay sitting there by himself waiting for Castiel to find him until the battery died. Playing loud music during the wait was not a good idea.
What if he was stuck there till morning? What if he had to sit there and wait until he was sober and the sun crawled over the horizon? He couldn't quite remember what he'd told Cas, and he didn't know if the instructions were accurate enough.
He should have called Sam instead. He knew he should have, but the urge to hear Castiel's voice had won over sensibility.
Sam would have found him. His brother was very smart and could have managed to find this place faster than anyone else. Dean picked up his phone and contemplated on giving Sam a ring, but his father would possibly get involved, and that was the last thing Dean wanted.
He never wanted to fight with his dad, but he couldn't handle the fact that the man was rude towards Castiel. Unique was a fruitcake. Although Dean accepted her for what she was, he kind of agreed with John Winchester on that. He wouldn't have a problem saying it to her face, but he didn't like to hear those derogatory remarks from someone who didn't know her, even if it was his own father.
Cas was different. Dean didn't really know if he even was gay, but along with most of the members of the choir he suspected that. Nobody had ever said it out loud, but a few comments had been made in secret. Regardless, Cas was not very effeminate, so his dad's stupid comment didn't fit.
A knock on the window startled him somewhat. Frozen to the bone, it was almost painful to turn his head, but the sight in front of him almost thawed him out in an instant. Castiel stared at him through the glass, and gestured for him to unlock the door.
"Are you alright?" Castiel asked as soon as Dean managed to get his fingers to obey him enough to open the door. "I'm fine. A little cold, but perfectly, almost, huh, shit." As he tried to get out of the car he stumbled in his own feet and had to grab the door, but it didn't prevent him from buckling under his own weight and sink to his knees.
Castiel grabbed him and helped him to his feet again. "I see. You're perfectly fine. I guess I'll just get you a blanket so you can sleep it off." The guy chuckled a little as he manouvered Dean over to lean on the hood of the car. "Seriously! What were you thinking?" The humor had suddenly vanished from Castiel's voice. "Do you know how cold it is? You could have frozen to death."
It wasn't that bad. Dean was confident that he would have survived a night out in this temperature. "Pfft. I've had worse experiences in my life. This is like a walk on the beach."
Cas took a step back as he shook his head. "So what am I doing here?" He rubbed his forehead. "I thought you needed help, but obviously you're fine." He started to walk towards his car. "I can take you home if you like, but I'm not playing games."
He sounded so serious that Dean got a little taken aback. "No, no, no I don't want to go home." He didn't really know what he wanted, but he definitely didn't want Cas to take him home and leave. "I'm sorry. I am cold, and I don't want to be here. Pease help me."
Castiel stopped and look at him. "I will help you. I'll take you home, and that's the end of it. I don't know what more you want from me." He came over again and grabbed Dean's arm. "Come on. I have to get back before they discover that I left."
Dean wrapped his arm over Castiel's shoulder and walked with him towards the car. "I want… I want…" He stopped abruptly and turned to face Cas. "I just needed a friend. You are my friend, right?"
Cas cocked his head to the side and stared at him for the longest time. Dean didn't move or say anything. He was afraid that a wrong comment would result in him spending the night in the cold Impala. That would not be very pleasant even if Castiel provided him with a blanket.
He did not expect what happened next. Castiel grabbed him and pulled him into an embrace. "You are so fucking stupid that you'd deserve to spend the night in your car." Cas whispered as his hand ran up and down Dean's back. For a split second Dean felt completely sober. That the guy cursed was quite unexpected as well, and in any other setting Dean would have commented on it. For the time being he was so totally content with the situation that he almost held his breath in hopes that it wouldn't end.
"Why did you get so drunk? What happened that made you take off like this and drown yourself in alcohol?" Castiel was still whispering. His hand had come to rest at the small of Dean's back. Dean drew his breath heavily and was about to reply when his phone rang. He nodded towards Castiel's shoulder. "Five I think." Cas pulled back a little to look at him. "What?"
The phone kept ringing, and Dean didn't do anything about it. "Are you not going to answer that?" The sound was quite annoying, but Dean shook his head. "Nope. It's the fifth time he's calling, and I know what he's going to say."
Castiel shook his head and nodded towards the sound of the phone. "Nothing good will come of this. You should answer. He might be worried. I'll take you home, Dean. Come on."
Dean didn't think that his dad worried so much. The guy was probably just angry and disappointed. What Castiel said still made sense. What else was there to do? The phone had stopped ringing, and Dean picked it up to look at it. "Yes. Five missed calls. I was correct."
Cas didn't look impressed with his counting skills, but he did smile a little. "Come on." He repeated as he pulled on Dean's sleeve. "I have to get back home as well."
They drove in silence. Castiel turned the heat on in the car but it didn't help much. The drive was too short to thaw Dean out completely. "Er, will you, er, can you walk me to the door?" Cas parked close to the building, and it was only a couple of feet to walk to the stairs leading to the front door. "Sure." Cas cut the engine and got out before he rounded the car to help Dean.
He could have made that walk all by himself even if he was quite drunk, but he pretended to be a little more unsteady than he really was and leaned heavily on Castiel's shoulder. When they seconds later stood on the stoop, Dean wrapped his arms around Cas and gave him a hug. "Thank you. You are a good friend."
It was supposed to be a quick embrace but Cas held on for a little while before he pulled his head back. "Yeah. A good friend. That's me." He cocked his head and squeezed his eyes shut for a second. Then he leaned back in and gave Dean a kiss on the cheek before he let go. After that he ran down the stairs and jumped into the car. Dean put his hand on the spot where he'd been kissed, and didn't manage to compose himself before the red taillights of Castiel's car was just two small dots in the distance.