Victreebel and Linoone

In the dark deadly depths of the darkest dark jungle of deepest part of the deadly Amazon jungle, there lived a fearsomely dangerous Pokemon that devoured the dimwitted denizens. It hid amongst the lush undergrowth, deviously looking innocent and harmless. It wafted a deceptive but delicious smell of most delectable honey. Drawn in by the drifting fragrance, the dumb victims would come right up to the dark maw of the devious beast, only to be snatched up by darting vines and downed whole to meet their deadly end, where they would melt away like delicate morsels of delightful delicacies. This dramatic deadly Amazon Pokemon was called Victreebel.

But not all Victreebels lived such daring and dashing lives. This one lived a drab and dreary life. In the dowdy suburbs where dozens of houses were directly copied of one another, he lived at a dusk orange house at the end of the drive. Because his Trainer had small children, he was disallowed to eat anything other than premade food packs that looked like dehydrated insects partly digested by a Ditto. This disenchanted Victreebel was called Carl.

Carl's days were invariably exactly the same, save for details. He would get up right before dawn to pester his Trainer into waking up. Once Mr. Grumpy got himself some coffee and got rid of the drowsy bleariness of morning, he opened the door so Carl could go outside. The Victreebell would then drag himself by his vines down the lawn, then over the white picket fence so he could hang near the sidewalk. An hour later, two of the kids would come out all dressed for school to wait for the bus. They would attempt to tease him with prodding and dancing, but he would stoically ignore them. Once they were gone, he had some time to himself.

Not for long, unfortunately. Other Pokemon of the neighborhood would come out to enjoy the day, singing, playing, chatting, dancing. Carl, who was even grumpier than his Trainer, would grumble to himself and daydream about devouring the more annoying ones, savoring the definite meatiness of them. He couldn't actually do that, but it didn't deter him from daydreaming.

And then, about noon, the most annoying and hated member of the suburban neighborhood would come out to destroy everyone's day. Everything would seem all peaceful and hunky-dory, but then he came out of his home. After a decent stretch and a moment of adoration for the sun, he strutted onto the sidewalk and…

ZOOOOOOM!

A white and gray blur would barrel down the sidewalk, heedless of any drifters or pedestrians. Pokemon fell over themselves to get out of the way; unlucky ones were scattered like bowling pins, or trampled underfoot. If it was trash day, empty cans were thrown into the deserted streets with metallic or plastic clamor. If boxes or any debris were on the sidewalk, they too would be scattered to the winds. No one and nothing on the sidewalk was safe.

Carl would hear the chaos first. When the little devil would rush right by his hanging spot, the Victreebel would shout curses and demand respect. However, the runner would keep going past the last house, then make a direct ninety-degree turn to catch the next street. Minutes later, he'd go dashing by again in an endless loop. The other neighbors would have hidden in their garages or lawns by then, but Carl would not be deterred from his sunning spot.

Not even by Goonie the Linoone, menace to a dopey society.

Day after day, the routine continued. Carl cursed and demanded while Goonie dashed on in diligent ignorance. Despite the routine, the Linoone wasn't always like clockwork. He always ran by Carl's house first at the start of his daily run, but then it was unpredictable when Goonie would show up next. Sometimes his route was simply a short loop, while other times his route dared (thankfully) around other suburban streets.

Carl tried to do something about it. He tried to spread poison spikes on the sidewalk. When Goonie dashed by, he somehow missed all of them and blew them away. Carl's Trainer was not happy when he stepped on the spikes in the yard that evening. Another day, he spit acid at the pest. Goonie ignored the damage, what little managed to hit. Carl's Trainer was not happy about the dissolved section of sidewalk.

And then one day, Goonie did not appear.

Carl waited until two, growing dreadfully paranoid of getting rushed. But then it was apparent that the dummy wasn't going to run today. Delighted, Carl dozed off in the sunlight, drooling little drops of honey-scented acid. While his Trainer yelled at him for ruining the paint job on the fence, the Victreebel didn't care. It had been a great day.

And so was the next day, and the day after that. Goonie did not show up to be a running disaster area. It was such a great change that Carl wasn't even disturbed by the neighborhood kids playing Dodgeball and such things on Saturday. If Goonie had died, that was fine. It was more likely that he had moved to Denver, or some such far away place. So long as he was far from Carl, it was perfect.

On Sunday, Carl was dawdling on his fence as usual when a number of little girls came walking down the sidewalk. They were singing some dazzling some about the days of the week while dragging along. He pretended to doze off, so that they didn't bug him. But then he opened his eyes enough to see what they had in their daisy-decorated red wagon: Goonie the Linoone, with his front legs all bandaged up. Someone, probably these girls, had doodled get-well wishes on the casts.

Carl made his top flap ripple, then looked to the girls. "What are you doing with him?"

"We're taking him on his daily route," one of the girls said. "He got in an accident the other day and got double hurt in breaking both legs. Since we didn't see Goonie yesterday, we went to see his Trainer this morning and offered to take him out."

"Oh? What kind of accident did you get into?" It wasn't a deadly one, to Carl's dismay.

Looking glum, Goonie's ears were drooped. "It was that Park Drive that got me," he said in a depressed manner. "All the other roads around here are direct and straight, but not Park. It has a doozy of a double-S curve and it can't be run straight. I kept telling myself, someday, I'll conquer that drifting Park Drive. I thought if I made small zig-zags going down that road, I could make it. On Wednesday, I was ready and raring to give it my best. But, it defeated me and I ran into a parked delivery truck."

"So that's how it is. And here I thought you had moved."

The girls all smiled. "But aren't you glad to see that he's still here?" one asked. "As they say, you never know what you're missing until…"

"No, I am not glad!" Carl declared. "Was that why you decided to drag his sorry hide in front of my home? To teach me some dazzle-eyed heart-shaped goody-two-shoes moral? Well no thank you. I am a displaced old Pokmeon who should be in the deepest darkest parts of the dense Amazon jungle drawing in dimwitted dummies like him for my prey. Bah, Goonie wouldn't even last among the dramatic trees and dim undergrowth of the Amazon. He'd ram his skull being unable to dodge all the trees, and he'd do it so many times that he'd get permanent brain damage. Can't you even think to slow down to take that drunkenly designed road?"

"I don't ever slow down," Goonie grumbled densely. "It would be dishonorable to my ancestors and descendants."

"Bah, I don't care. I don't have to. So scram! Stop desecrating my part of the sidewalk."

The girls started at him for a bit, puzzled. "Wow, such a demanding old dodder," one said, making the others laugh.

"Come on, let's keep going," another said. "We can get chocolate donuts for dessert."

After giving a cheer, the girls moved on, taking Goonie in their wagon with them. Carl grumbled and daydreamed of dissolving that dumb Linoone to an itty bitty dot. "Guess I'll have to appreciate these drowsy days while I've got them," he muttered to himself.

And as soon as Goonie recovered, he went right back to dashing dangerously right by Carl's dozing spot.

...

Victreebel Soul Silver entry: This horrifying plant Pokemon attracts prey with aromatic honey, then melts them in its mouth.

Ruby entry: Linoone always runs at full speed and only in straight lines. If facing an obstacle, it makes a right-angle turn to evade it. This Pokemon is very challenged by gently curving roads.

This entry was brought to you by the letter 'D'.