CHAPTER 57
I do not own Doctor Who and I am making no profit off of this story.
Thank you for all of your reviews, favorites, follows, and story alerts.
I returned to 1890 in order to decide once and for all what to do about my life as Diana Ceres. I hadn't been teaching much at all there lately because I knew that Holly loved it so much. She had always wanted to become a teacher, and this had finally given her that chance. The only problem was that she had to pose as my alter ego in order to do it. She really deserved to become a teacher in her own right.
Holly had just finished teaching for the day and came into our old quarters together to find me sitting there waiting for her. She turned off the perception filter that made her look like my previous self and ran forward to greet me with a hug.
"I haven't seen you in a while. I missed you, Lily. Have you finally decided to come back on a regular basis?" Holly asked.
"That depends," I said.
"On what?" Holly asked innocently.
"On you. Don't you want to become a real teacher, Holly? You deserve to become a real one and not just teach classes using one of my names. You're a good teacher, and you really care about the students, Holly. You've really helped to improve their lives. You deserve to be getting the credit for all of that. Not me," I said.
"I would never be given the chance to become a teacher here, Lily. I don't have the credentials or the references. Also, I'm not one of the upper class. I love it here, and this is what I want to do. I don't see any problem with it," Holly said.
"Then this is what you want to do for the rest of your life?" I asked.
"Are you not coming back?" Holly asked with fear in her eyes.
I smiled at her as I said, "You're not getting rid of me, Holly. Don't worry about that. I just wondered if you wanted to become Diana. I'm willing to give you my identity and this job if you want them. You would have to give up being Holly for good though or at least while you're working here. I'm not sure what you'd say about where Holly went though. That's up to you," I said.
"Why do I have to give up my own identity? I can do both. I've been doing it so far," Holly said.
"What have you been telling people about where Holly went? Aren't they getting suspicious?" I asked.
"Yes, a little I suppose. I've told them that I was tending to a sick relative and that I would be gone indefinitely. I said as Diana that I was okay with it, but the higher ups at the school are putting pressure on me to fire myself. That sounds kind of weird to say, doesn't it?" Holly asked with a small grin.
"You see? You can't keep doing this much longer. Either you have to become Holly and my assistant again, or you have to stay as Diana as long as you want to work here as a teacher. What do you want to do, Holly?" I asked.
"You would really give up your life here to me? I thought you loved it here," Holly asked.
"I do but I care about you more than a job or a fake name. I just want you to be happy. I can always assume a new identity and come back here from time to time to visit. Don't worry about that. Besides that I have a new teaching assignment back in my own time. I'm teaching the kids of time travelers now that can't otherwise go to a regular school. So I can still be a teacher that way. So what's your answer?" I asked.
"I don't know. Can you give me a day to think about it?" Holly asked.
"Yeah, of course. Take your time," I said.
"It seems that I'm having a lot of things change in my life lately," Holly said.
"What do you mean?" I asked curiously.
"Skaren wants to go home. He's threatening to leave because he says that he no longer wants to live a lie. He doesn't just want me as a friend anymore. He wants me to answer one question for him in order to get him to stay, Lily. It's a question that I can't answer. One that I must never answer," Holly said.
"Whether or not you love him or not?" I asked.
She looked at me in shock as I laughed at her.
"It's been obvious to me for some time that you're in love with him. Only for some reason you won't admit it," I said.
"I do love him. I can never tell him that though," she admitted.
"Why? Is it because he's an alien? I thought you were higher minded than that," I said.
"It is for that reason but not the way you think. We could never have children, Lily. Not ones that would be mine anyway," Holly admitted.
"He told you about how Zygons reproduce, didn't he?" I asked.
For those of you at home who don't know I'll let you in on a major fact about Zygon biology. Zygons reproduce asexually. Their offspring are basically just copies of themselves. They can't have children with other races.
"Yes. It bothers me, Lily. It bothers me a lot. I want my own children. I do love him but I want children that will be a part of both of us. I just don't know if I can have a relationship like that or not. It's best just to never start one in the first place, isn't it? I know I'm going to have to give him an answer soon too, and I don't know what it is. If I stay with him though, I'll never have children of my own. I don't know what to do. Maybe it would be best to lie to him and to tell him that I don't love him. Then he could go on and live his life without me. Maybe he could find someone else to make him happy," Holly admitted.
"Don't you understand how rare it is for a Zygon to love someone outside their own race, Holly? He must really care about you to stay this long. Couldn't you just adopt?" I asked.
"I don't know. I suppose but I wanted children that would be mine. Am I being selfish? I just don't know if our relationship would work that way," Holly said sadly.
"I don't think it's selfish. It is an important question. It's going to be up to you to answer it. You're the one who'll have to live with it for the rest of your life," I said.
"It's all coming at me at once lately, Lily. I just don't know what to do. My life is coming to a major crossroads, and I don't know what to do about it. Give me a day, and I'll make up my mind on both questions," Holly said.
"Alright. No pressure, Holly. Take as much time as you need," I said.
"Thank you. Do you think that I could travel with you somewhere? I really need a distraction from all of this for a while," Holly asked.
"I thought that you didn't want to meet aliens and have dangerous adventures," I said.
"I don't. I'd just like to go to your time and spend an ordinary danger free day with you in order to relax for a while," Holly said.
"I'm not sure that an ordinary day for me can ever be described as danger free, but sure you can come. Let's go," I agreed.
I took her back to the present day where my family and friends were waiting for me back at my house on Gallifrey. Once we were there, Holly herself explained her problem to everyone. That's when I knew that she hadn't just come here to relax. She wanted to ask for some advice from people that she knew and trusted.
I was surprised at the advice that was finally given to her and at which of my family gave it. Not just surprised. I was completely shocked really.
After Holly told everyone her problem and asked what to do about it, it was Isabella who spoke up first. She shocked everyone by speaking at all since she was usually so quiet and reserved.
You may have noticed this yourself that throughout my adventures Isabella is the one member of my crew who almost never speaks and doesn't have much of a role in them. Don't get me wrong. I love Isabella like a daughter, and I'm not trying to down her at all by saying this. I'm just stating a simple fact.
She's extremely shy and almost never talks or involves herself in social activities. So much so in fact that at that point we knew almost nothing about her life or what it was like before we met her. That was all about to change.
"Holly, can I tell you a story about my life that might help you to make a decision?" Isabella asked.
Holly was shocked to hear her say anything, but she still managed to say, "Go ahead."
"I once had a similar situation with someone that I loved. It happened two years before all of you found me. He wanted to marry me, but I refused to. The reason was because he wanted me to have a lot of children. I had just watched my sister recently die a horrible death while in childbirth, and I was still haunted by it. It traumatized me, and it made me afraid that would happen to me too so I didn't want to risk it. He didn't want a marriage without children so we called the whole relationship off. He was very upset and became severely depressed. I tried to console him the best that I could, but it didn't help. He was heartbroken so he joined the king's army in an attempt to forget me I think. I tried to convince him not to, but he was just as stubborn as I was. He was killed in a massive battle the next day," Isabella said as she struggled to hold back tears.
I could see that what she just said had affected Holly deeply. I could see her struggling to maintain her composure, and I put my arm around her to comfort her. She tried to smile at me to reassure me that she was alright, but I knew that she wasn't.
"You never told me that," Ron said while the rest of us all looked at her in shock.
"I didn't want to give you the wrong idea. I thought that you might think that I regretted not marrying him and would rather be with him instead of you. Nothing could be further from the truth. I know that I was meant to be with you. I do regret that he died because of me though. I will always blame myself for that," Isabella said in an extremely sad voice.
"That wasn't your fault. He did that of his own free will, Izzy," Ron said.
As Isabella briefly smiled at him, I knew that it was because she liked it when he called her that. I had noticed him calling her that a lot in the last few weeks, and she always smiled whenever he did it.
I was finally starting to realize just why she was so reluctant to talk now. Her life seemed about as tragic as mine.
I was soon about to find out that I didn't know the half of it yet.
"You never talk about your past even with me, Izzy. I think we'd all like to hear about it," Ron encouraged her.
She took a deep breath as she said, "I was born to a poor family of farmers. We were all very close, and I enjoyed having a huge family around me for the first half of my life that showed me a lot of love and affection. They all treated me very well, and I wanted for nothing. It was an idyllic childhood. Then it all got taken away. It started when my father died. He was the rock that held our family together I think. It seemed to be that way anyway because once he was gone everything started to go wrong. We started to suffer a drought, and most of our crops died. None of us were able to keep the farm going as well as we were all sure that he would have if he were still alive, and we started to suffer because of it. The family fell on hard times, and we began to drift apart as several of us went elsewhere to look for work and money. Slowly bit by bit my family disintegrated, and I never saw the members of it who left again. In just a few years, I was left with just my sister and my mother in a small house. I already told you what happened to my sister. After what happened to her and to my boyfriend, I became severely depressed myself and didn't leave the house for two years. My mother finally became so worried about me that she went to a local apothecary to try to ask him if there was anything that he could give to me to help me. She was there when the Monk sent his machine to attack my village. I found her in the ruins."
Ron put his arms around her as he said, "I'm so sorry, Izzy. I'm so sorry!"
"It was my fault!" Isabella said in tears.
Now I knew why she never spoke. The poor girl was so full of pain that it was a wonder that she was still able to function. I decided to make sure that I gave her more attention in the future. She certainly deserved it.
"It certainly was not! I'm so glad that we found you when we did. You needed to get away from that horrible place. Now you've got a new family that loves you, sweetie, and we're all going to stick around this time. I assure you of that," I said.
"Thank you, Lily," Isabella said.
Holly became very emotional, and she started to cry. Isabella's life story had severely affected her. It had made her see just how lucky that she really was I think.
"I didn't mean to make you upset," Isabella said to Holly.
"You didn't. Not really. I'm just thinking about what I almost threw away," Holly said.
"What does that mean, Holly? What decision did you just make?" I asked even as I thought that I knew the answer.
"Lily, I want to travel with you now if that's okay," Holly said.
I was a little surprised by that as I said, "Of course you can. The door was always open for you. All you had to do was ask."
"Is it okay if Skaren comes along too?" Holly asked.
"Yes, of course. I like Skaren. So does that mean that you're going to tell him how you feel?" I asked.
"Yes, I am. I just decided that I need to be with my family. All of them," Holly said with a warm smile.
"What about children?" I asked.
"Like you said, we can adopt," Holly said.
"That's all good for you, but what am I going to do for a teaching assistant? Did you ever think of me?" I said with a grin.
"Sorry. I'm going to teach at that new school that you told me about if they'll have me," Holly said.
"I guarantee you that they will. I know the boss very, very well. Since the day she was born as a matter of fact," I said with a mad grin.
"You can't ask for better than that, can you?" Holly said.
"No, you can't. That still leaves me without a teaching assistant though. Who on Earth am I going to find?" I wondered.
That was going to be an adventure in itself. It didn't matter at the moment though. I finally had Holly as my companion at last, and her first adventure with me was going to be incredible.
Incredibly dangerous that is!
Next: Holly finally tells Skaren how she feels. Lily searches for a new teaching assistant with hilarious results as she winds up with someone very familiar to fans of a certain Victorian trio working for her. Plus Holly and Skaren's first adventure in the TARDIS as Lily goes up against the evil Sil. What could Sil possibly want from Lily? Find out next time.