CHAPTER 58
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HOLLY, HOW YOU'VE CHANGED! OR THE TEACHING ASSISTANT FROM THE STARS
I waited patiently outside of my office at Oxford in 1890 as Holly finally decided to answer Skaren's question. She was so nervous about it that I knew that it would probably take her a while to tell him. I wondered briefly if I'd be here all night. It didn't matter. I had time.
I have all of the time in the universe as a matter of fact. That's one of the perks of being a Time Lord. Even if you wait for a thousand years to do something, you're still never late for an appointment. Unless you're the Doctor of course!
You knew it was coming. It's practically a prerequisite of any conversation with me. I have to slam the Doctor at least once an hour. It's in my contract.
I stood there watching as Holly met Skaren outside of the office when he finally showed up for work wearing a perception filter to appear human. He had been helping her while she posed as Diana Ceres.
I briefly wondered how she was going to tell him. I know if it were me I'd prefer the direct approach.
I watched with a combination of amusement, approval, and shock as Holly quickly wrapped her arms around a completely surprised Skaren and gave him a huge kiss! That's my girl! I taught her well.
The two of them kissed for a long time, and then Holly finally pulled away as she waited for him to speak. Skaren stood there in silence with one of the happiest looks I've ever seen in my life on his face. Luckily no one else saw that or we'd have had a lot of eyebrows raised at such a public display of affection. This was the Victorian Era after all.
"Does that answer your question?" Holly asked with a loving smile.
"Are you sure? I know that you've waited a long time to even admit that you have any feelings for me. This isn't just because you're afraid of losing me, is it?" Skaren finally asked when he recovered his power of speech.
"I'm completely sure. You're not trying to back out, are you?" Holly asked.
"No. I just know that you looked so upset when I pretty much told you that we could never have our own children," Skaren said.
"We can always adopt, can't we?" Holly said.
"Yes, we can. I'll adopt as many children as you want. How many do you think we should have? A hundred?" Skaren asked with all seriousness.
"What?" Holly asked in astonishment.
"When they reproduce, they do so by the hundreds in order to perpetuate their race as quickly and as efficiently as they can. Sorry. I didn't mean to eavesdrop," I chimed in.
"I don't mind you listening, Lily. You're practically my second mum," Holly said.
I smiled at that. I've felt like Holly was family for a long time now, and I was so glad that she was acknowledging that.
"I don't want a hundred. Just one or two maybe. Possibly three," Holly said.
"I can handle that. I'm not sure why you want such a small family though," Skaren said.
A strange voice suddenly said, "That is most inefficient. Once you commence reproducing, you must do so in large numbers in a short amount of time in order to completely and efficiently outnumber and destroy the enemy."
I turned to see a Sontaran of all people standing there dressed in a suit and said, "Hello. I don't believe we've met."
He looked at me for a brief moment and then kneeled before me as if he were worshipping me as he said, "It is you! I am sorry for not recognizing you sooner, oh mighty Sekhmet."
"He knows you?" Holly asked.
"I guess so. Who are you?" I asked.
"My apologies. I was so overwhelmed in your presence that I forgot to introduce myself. I am Strax, oh Honored One," the Sontaran said.
"Why are you here, Strax? Is it just to tell me how great I am? I mean I'm not against that kind of thing. Don't get me wrong. I love to hear how great I am as much as the next narcissist. I'm sure that's not the reason that you came here though," I said.
"Mighty Sekhmet, I have come in answer to your ad in the local newspaper. I am here for the Teaching Assistant position. If I have to, I will slay all of the other applicants in either armed or unarmed combat in order to win this assignment with you," Strax said.
"That won't be necessary, Strax. Don't I know you? Your name sounds familiar," I said.
"We have a mutual acquaintance in the Doctor. I believe that he is your son-in-law so he may have mentioned me to you. He is not worthy of being a member of your illustrious family though if you ask me, oh Venerated One," Strax said.
"You're hired!" I said automatically.
"Just like that? You're not even going to ask him his qualifications?" Holly asked.
"He thinks I'm great and that the Doctor isn't good enough for Rose. That's qualifications enough for me," I said with a mad grin on my face.
"What's happening? Are you quitting your job?" Skaren asked Holly.
"I've just been handed a new job as the head teacher at a new school for the children of time travelers. I like that one better. I'm also planning on traveling with Lily. You're invited if you want," Holly said.
"I thought you'd never ask," Skaren said.
Holly kissed him again as Strax observed them with a curious look on his face. I briefly wondered if Sontarans were prudes.
"I am not familiar with this custom. What is it?" Strax asked finally.
"Kissing? It's what many people throughout the universe do when they love one another. Or sometimes even when they don't," I explained with an evil grin.
"Sontarans do not kiss," Strax said.
"Yes, I guess it wouldn't be practiced among you lot since you're all clones. I imagine kissing for you would be really weird," I said.
"Zygons do not kiss either for similar reasons, but I'm beginning to like it. Apparently, I've been missing out on something all of these years," Skaren said.
"That was your first kiss?" Holly asked.
"Yes. I'm glad that it was with you," Skaren said.
"Let me give you a refresher on it," Holly said as she kissed him again.
"Are they going to be doing this a lot? Shouldn't they be preparing for war or doing something else more useful with their time like studying the weaknesses of their enemy?" Strax asked.
"Who knows? So when can you start?" I asked him as I hoped to get his mind off of the display before him.
"I have duties for Madame Vastra, my other employer, for tonight. I can start immediately tomorrow morning however," Strax said.
"That sounds good enough for me. So you'll be working for me in the daytime and for her in the evening, is that it?" I asked.
"Yes, that sounds reasonable," Strax said.
"When do you sleep?" Holly asked.
"Sleep? I am unfamiliar with this custom," Strax said.
"Humans have to sleep about eight hours every day in order to replenish their strength," I said.
"Ah, I see. It is a most inefficient practice. You should change it. All hours should be spent in preparing to destroy the enemy," Strax said.
"I'm afraid that I must be going now so I can't stay to chat, but I'll be back by tomorrow morning. You'll be here bright and early, won't you?" I asked.
"Of course. Who do you wish me to crush in combat in order to inspire loyalty in the rest of the troops?" Strax asked.
"No one at the moment, Strax. There will be no attacking people unless I tell you to," I said firmly.
Strax looked disappointed as he said, "As you wish, Mighty One. I shall leave now then. It is a pleasure to work for the Greatest Warrior in Galactic History. I am sure that we will soon be crushing the enemy together in glorious combat across the stars before the week is through."
"Strax, I'm not sure that you understand what it is that you'll be doing here. We're going to be teaching young women. I'm pretty sure that we won't be having any classes in combat," I tried to explain to him.
"Then I shall create a combat course for them. It is most fortunate that you have hired me. I will teach them how to slay the enemy in one hundred different ways in no time," Strax said.
"You still don't get it, do you? Never mind. I'll explain it to you tomorrow. Don't kill or attack anyone until I get here, okay?" I said.
"Yes, Mighty One. I will do as you say. It is an honor to work for you. I will see you in the early hours of the morning then. Do you wish me to bring many weapons?" Strax asked.
"No. No weapons," I said.
"I'll just come prepared for unarmed combat then. It's best to start them that way I think. Then we gradually move towards other forms of fighting. I will come tomorrow then, Sekhmet. It will be glorious!" Strax said as he left.
"What did you just do?" Holly asked as she stood there with her mouth hanging open.
"I'll fix it tomorrow. Don't worry about it," I said shrugging my shoulders.
"So we're off to travel in your TARDIS right now then?" Skaren asked.
"That's right. So where do you want to go for your first trip? Anywhere in particular?" I asked.
"Not really. I haven't really been to that many places yet. Where do you suggest?" Holly asked me.
"Oh, I definitely think that we should go to Barcelona first. Do you know what's on that planet?" I asked.
"That's the shopping planet right?" Holly asked as her eyes lit up.
"That's right. I'm going to give you a shopping spree. The best part is that it's going to be all on the Doctor. We'll bill his tab for it. Rose goes there so much he'll never know the difference anyway so go nuts and buy whatever you want. I don't ever want it to be said that I never give my companions anything," I said.
"Thank you, Lily. I love it. It's a great first trip," Holly said as she hugged me.
"Think of it as an early wedding present," I said with a mischievous grin.
"Wedding?" Skaren asked with a panicked look on his face.
"She's just being silly," Holly reassured him.
"I am not. I'm being a matchmaker. There's a difference," I said as I continued to smile at them.
"Oh, good! I do want to be with you, Holly, but that's moving a little too quickly," Skaren said.
"You once asked me to marry you when you barely knew me," Holly pointed out.
"That was because I was so smitten by you. I was completely overwhelmed by your beauty. I still wish to marry you, but I don't want to do it too quickly. I'm afraid that I'll ruin things by going too quickly," Skaren said.
"You think I'm beautiful? I'm flattered but I wouldn't think that you would be attracted to me since I look nothing like a Zygon," Holly said.
"I'm talking about how beautiful that you are on the inside, Holly. I'm learning to appreciate your outer beauty as well though," Skaren admitted.
"That's so romantic. I think," I quipped.
"I know what he means, Lily. I feel the same way about him. I love the person he is on the inside too," Holly said.
"Good. Well, are you ready? It's time for Barcelona," I said happily as I led them to my TARDIS.
Everyone was happy to welcome them aboard as our newest family members. Things were going great until I happened to mention where we were going after I set the coordinates for it.
"We're going where?" Robin said in a full-out panic.
"She said Barcelona!" Ron said in terror.
"Why are they so upset?" Skaren asked.
"Did she tell you this before you got on board?" Ron asked.
"Yes," Skaren said still confused.
"Why didn't you run when you still had the chance?" Ron asked in horror.
"I don't understand," Skaren said.
"Oh, they're just being babies. They think that just because the Doctor invented a bunch of ridiculous stories about having to carry a lot of bags for Rose when he went there with her that ONE time that we're going to do that to them too. It's just simply not true, Skaren. It'll just be four or five bags tops I'm sure," I said.
"When we get there and I say run, run!" Robin told Ron and Skaren.
"Stop it!" I said shaking my head at him.
"You'll never take me alive!" Ron shouted.
"Babies!" I muttered under my breath.
"Is this humor?" Skaren asked Holly.
"Yes, it's just grown men acting childish," Holly said.
"They certainly are. Oh, good. We're here," I said as the TARDIS finally stopped.
Robin began muttering something under his breath and I said, "What are you doing?"
"Praying," Robin said.
"Stop it!" I said with a sigh.
When I opened the doors of the TARDIS though, I found out that maybe we needed a little prayer after all. We were suddenly faced with an army of mercenaries with huge guns standing in the doorway.
"Pardon me. Did we come to the wrong planet? I was headed for Barcelona," I said.
"This is Barcelona, my dear. I was expecting you however," a voice that sounded very, very creepy said from somewhere behind the mercenaries.
"Really? I don't see how since I only just decided to come," I said.
"Oh, I have my ways. I have access to many history records, and I have been keeping careful track of where you are most likely to appear. I knew that you would come here sooner or later since this is a much frequented spot by your daughter," the creepy voice said.
"Why don't you come out and show yourself. We're all friends here, aren't we? At least I hope we are with all of those guns being pointed at me. Who are you anyway? Are you another fan who thinks I'm incredible and amazing? I've already met one of those today, and I must tell you that I never tire of hearing it," I said with a mad grin on my face.
"I'm sorry to disappoint you, Sekhmet, but I am not a fan. I am here for a secret that you've been keeping for a long time now. I only recently found out that you're in possession of this information, and I must have it," the voice said as a group of bearers brought the owner of the voice forward on a stretcher.
I finally got a good look at who it was as I saw that it was a slug like alien who repelled me at first sight. I'm not talking about his appearance either but his personality. He really was a slug inside and out.
"I am Sil and I want your secret," Sil said.
"You'll have to be more specific. I know a lot of secrets. Which one are we talking about? How to get a great bargain on clothes? I'll be glad to tell you all about that. How to get under the Doctor's skin? I'll tell you that too. In fact, you can buy my book. It's called How to Bug the Doctor in Five Easy Steps by Lily Wright. It's available in a bookstore near you and on the internet. I'm hoping to make killer sales on it by Christmas. Even if only the Doctor's enemies buy it, I'll still make millions," I joked.
"Enough prattle! I wish to know the secret location of the Lost Treasure of Hathor Demeter. I've recently found out that you are Hathor Demeter so you know where it is. You will tell me, or I'll kill everyone on this ship," Sil threatened.
"Let me guess. You're one of the Doctor's enemies, aren't you? You know how I can tell? You have no style, and all you want to do is shoot people," I said.
"I am very serious, Sekhmet. Tell me where the hidden treasure is or I will stop being so nice," Sil said.
"When were you ever nice? I must have missed that part," I said.
"This is your final warning. Tell me where it is," Sil said.
"Alright, I will. Cool your jets. I'll take you there. I guarantee that you're not going to like what you find there though," I warned him.
"Oh, you're very wrong. I always like more credits in my pockets," Sil said with a greedy glint in his eyes.
I started to say 'What pockets?' but I figured that it was probably best not to push it. I really didn't want this to be Holly and Skaren's first trip, but it seemed that destiny (and Time Lord Prime) had other ideas.
Really, Prime! Is it too much to write a chapter for me where I just have fun for once?
Next: Despite her protests, I send Lily to the hidden location of the Treasure of Hathor Demeter. Exactly where is it? More importantly, what is it?