Author's Note: I love this chapter so much, but I think my writing for it was a bit 'eh.' Anywho, something very important happens in this chapter, and something MAJORLY important will be happening in the next one. I'm taking myself off of my schedule, since I need to focus on my college classes and such. Check my profile for any bulletins that I'll be posting about that. So yeah, enjoy the chapter. I know the writings a bit 'blah,' but the overall story progression of the chapter I like since it's Kurama's turn to be the negative, self concious one. Hope you like. RnR!
After the first round of the contest, Botan was more than happy to rush back to the dressing room to put on some proper clothing. Using the umbrella as a shield from her reflection, Botan maneuvered passed the long row of vanities and made her way to her assigned dressing room where Shizuru left her dress for the night. That night, like all other nights following, there was going to be a ball and formal dinner. Botan had a sinking suspicion that it was all part of the contest, but she didn't really mind. It just gave her more time to look around for whoever had Yusuke's and Kuwabara's soul fragments.
Botan found Shizuru stepping out of her dressing room, fishing through her pockets in search of a piece of gum. Botan knew it was because Shizuru wouldn't dare risk lighting a cigarette around so many flammable chemicals. However, Shizuru really wanted that smoke. Botan could only hope that Shizuru's temper remained in check; the annoying catty prattle of some of the contestants was really getting on Shizuru's nerves.
"I've already got you're dress inside, so just give me you're bathing suit when you're dressed," Shizuru explained once Botan came into view. She pulled a silver strip from one of her back pockets with a look of gratification before unwrapping the red piece of gum and cramming it into her mouth. The twitch in her eye subsided as she began to grind her teeth against it, occasionally chewing the gum and rolling it around in her mouth to distribute the spicy flavor. She really wanted to smoke.
"Thank you," Botan smiled, handing Shizuru the parasol and slipping into the little square niche that had been given her. She pulled the curtain shut and removed the bathing suit from her frame almost happily. Though she liked it, a lot, Botan felt the need to be in something more covering. Turning around, Botan found a black dress bag hanging from a hook. I hope it looks good on me Botan thought before she located her undergarments and started to dress. She gave the black lace garter belt a questioning glance, but didn't question Shizuru's choice as she slipped it on over her matching panties. A collection of voices, both familiar and not, met Botan's ears, stilling her actions of pulling on her thigh highs. Maya…?
"Who is that harlot anyway?" an unfamiliar voice asked, giving rise to Botan's curiosity.
"Which one," Maya replied from the stall next to Botan's. The sound of cloth hitting the ground alerted Botan to the fact that Maya was also changing into her formal gown.
"The blue haired one? Did you see the way the judges were looking at her, especially Koudo-sama.*" the same unfamiliar voice clarified angrily.
Maya groaned in response to the other contestant's words, her disdain made plain for all those who cared to notice. "That's Botan," she answered in a snide tone. "That tramp seems to get everyone's attention."
Harlot? Tramp? I'm a virgin, so where would they get such a thing? Botan could feel her body heat up as her heartbeat began to escalate. Botan couldn't remember the last time someone had referred to her in such a way. She'd never really given anyone a reason to say such things. She'd always behaved in a friendly manner unless pushed, and Maya had yet to push her. Why were such things being said about her?
"I heard she was made a contestant right on the spot during her interview," Another unknown, formerly unheard voice added.
"Well you heard right," Maya spat viciously. "She probably got in so quickly because she blew the judges."
"Whore," the first voice hissed.
"Don't say that," a fourth voice barked indignantly. "She's really pretty, and nice. The judges probably just knew without a doubt that she deserved to be here."
"Oh shut it Penelo*," the third voice barked. "What fantasy world do you live in, hm?"
"The twelfth," she huffed. There was a rustle of fabric as one of the girls left in a hurry, most likely Penelo herself.
"I can't believe how stupid she is," the first voice said with some venom. "So, Maya was it? What do you know about that little ho anyway?"
"Take it from someone who's had to live with her, Mayura*, Botan is a selfish and greedy tramp that always manages to get her way. You know remember Minamino Shuichii, right?"
"The babe? Of course I remember him. If it weren't for him I would have failed my math class and never would have graduated. He's a senior now, right?" The voice, Mayura, answered happily. Her words were met with a series of snorts and snickers, none of which were entirely kind.
"We all know you sabotaged your own grade for a chance at him," the remaining unknown voice cackled. "And what happened?"
"He claimed to be seeing someone else. That was around the time he was missing a lot of school too, so I wasn't able to win him over." Mayura countered bitterly. "Besides, I fail to remember you getting anywhere with him either."
"Well. He's living with us too," Maya interrupted before the conversation could become too far sidetracked. Her words were met with silence before an explosion of sound assaulted all who heard.
"You're living with him?" was the loudest of the question, one which Maya was more than happy to respond to in the affirmative.
"Yeah, and I thought we had something going, but then Botan swooped in and ruined everything. Shuichii doesn't even look at me anymore," there were tears in Maya's voice; tears that fought desperately to be shed.
"What do you mean?" Mayura questioned.
"It's like every time the two of them are left alone, she does something and the two are all over each other. In fact, a few days ago I came home to find them making out on the couch. Her skirt was hiked all the way up and she was rubbing up against him like a cat in heat. It was disgusting. He even gave her a present!" Maya recounted viciously, her voice wavering with her jealousy.
"What did he get her?" the remaining unknown's voice pressed, uncaring for Maya's obvious pain to the subject.
"That hairclip she was wearing, he gave it to her." Maya growled. The sound of a zipper being yanked violently met Botan's ears and she prayed it belonged to the dress bag when she heard the distinct sound of cloth ripping.
"What? That thing's gorgeous," The unknown voice gasped incredulously.
"Expensive too," Mayura finished. "I saw a simpler version of that clip at some fancy high end boutique, even that's way beyond my budget."
"Tell me about it." Maya groaned.
"Don't you girls have better things to do than spread malicious rumors and complain," Shizuru's voice barked, the hard clacking of her heels growing louder with each step she took in their direction. "And you, Maya, are supposed to be in my chair. See that you're butt gets there."
"Sorry Kuwabara-san*," Maya stammered before she scuttled away. Two more sets of heeled footsteps followed Maya's example, going in different directions at a hurried pace.
"You alright in there?" Shizuru asked once the coast was clear.
"I…I don't know," Botan admitted honestly. "Why would they say such things about me? Did I do something wrong?"
"Don't worry hon, you could never do anything wrong. They're all just jealous and looking for things to say to make themselves feel better." Shizuru sighed. "Hurry up and get dressed while I make Maya pretty."
"Okay," Botan agreed. She turned to the dress bag and clasped the tab of the zipper between her fingers. She paused for a moment in uncertainty, not entirely sure if she wanted to go back out into the company of the other contestants, most of which didn't like her. But then, if she didn't come out, then it would be like she was turning her back on her mission and her friends. It would be like she was turning her back on herself. Taking a deep breath, Botan freed the dress from its confines and pulled it on.
It was a beautiful black number, one that gave Botan the allure of mystery. The black dress hugged Botan like a sheath before falling from low on her hips. As it fell, the dress began to fade until the short train was a sheer white. It was like a white mist engulfed her legs with the occasional spike of white flames that traced over the contours of Botan's body. The straps that held the dress up, even though they were unneeded due to the tightness, were such a translucent white that they were hardly noticeable against her skin. The white accented the upper hem of the dress, curving around Botan's bust and torso. When struck by the light, glitter would shine against the black of the dress like starlight. The dress exaggerated Botan's curves, while flattering them simultaneously.*
Botan checked her reflection in the mirror, pulling her hair over her shoulder nervously. She liked how she looked in the dress, she really did, but the words of her fellow contestants plagued her mind. The words truly hurt her and she didn't really know why. She didn't know any of them, save for Maya. What did she ever do to them to warrant such insults? Botan hadn't even spoken to any of them. Botan took another breath to calm her nerves and slow her heart into a normal pace. She needed to get out. She needed fresh air. Checking the stall to see if she was forgetting anything, Botan gathered her belongings into a pile. She then pulled on her shoulder length handless gloves and slipped on her high heeled strappy sandals. Botan then picked up her things and left the dressing room with the hopes that once her make up was fixed up she could walk around, away from critical eyes and snide remarks.
Shizuru watched Botan slip from her stall through the mirror, seeing the fear and nervousness that hovered around Botan like a cloud and caused her confidence to waver. She did look beautiful though. Shizuru just hoped that her confidence lasted till the end of the contest. This is such a strange pageant, Shizuru thought. I've never seen one run this way. Granted, it makes things easier for Botan and Kurama to find the last piece of my brother's soul. It just feels…off. I want to think this is a trap, but at the same time…
"Kuwabara-san, is something the matter?" Maya inquired, seeing the far off look in Shizuru's eyes.
"What? Oh! No, hon, nothing's wrong," Shizuru assured her, securing the last rhinestone into her hair and giving it a quick spray. Checking her over, Shizuru was happy with the overall result. She may not like Maya all that much, but Shizuru was a professional and wasn't going to let her cattiness get in the way of that. Besides, she was going to make Botan so much prettier. Not like it'll take much though. Speaking of, "You're up Botan."
Kurama shifted about in his room, alternating between checking his watch and adjusting his and little Shuichii's appearance. At the end of each night of the pageant was going to be a ball for the contestants to mingle with others under the watchful eye of the judges. It was a way for the young women to showcase their class and regal bearings while everyone else had an excuse to where their best finery. Kurama used to love going to balls, the prospect of easy pickings serving as too much temptation for his kleptomania. But now, even with his inner thief yipping in delight, Kurama wasn't as keen to the idea.
Though Kurama's vanity didn't always rear its ugly head, Kurama knew that he was going to be one of, if not the most attractive male there. As such, he knew he was going to be dodging women, and some men, all night. To top it all off, both he and Botan had work to do. Not only would they have to keep up appearances, they were going to have to look for Kuwabara's and Yusuke's soul fragments. How to do it without instigating a fight, both dangerous and not so dangerous, was currently beyond Kurama's scope of thought. All he really wanted was to be alone with Botan, and that want was blinding him to almost all other things.
"Shu-er, Kurama," little Shuichii called, his finger caught in what looked like a black noose around his neck. "Can you give me a hand?"
Instantly, Kurama began to clap his hands as a broad grin spread across his face. Kurama even went the extra mile and threw in some hoots and hollers. It distracted him for a bit, the brief downgrade from seriousness into comedy, but not for all that long.
"Ha ha, very funny," Shuichii scowled even as a smile tugged at the corner of his lips. He walked in front of the mirror and waited patiently for Kurama to help him out of the death trap around his neck that most would call a tie. Whoever made such a thing and deemed it a formal must in men's wear deserved a long and painful death as far as the teen was concerned. Shuichii hated ties. He didn't much care for suits either. But he was going to a formal occasion, so he had to look the part…even if Shuichii didn't like the idea at all. None of the girls were even his age.
Kurama turned Shuichii slightly to face him and worked the tie into its intended position. All the while, Kurama was miles away. Botan looked so beautiful today. There was such a fire in her eyes that I…I want to see it again. But how? What was it that she was thinking of? Was it me? Was it something else? The thought of Botan thinking of something else, and having that something awaken that passion within her eyes hurt him. It hurt him deeply. Kurama couldn't help that. He was greedy by nature, and the thought of someone else laying claim to his Botan, in anyway angered him.
She was his. He cared for her. He lusted for her. He wanted to claim her as his mate. He wanted to make her a home and a life where she could live happily and without pain. He wanted…so much. He could still taste her sweetness on his tongue and he wanted, no, needed more. Her sweetness, her smile, her light, he needed it all. Kurama could feel his heart beat against his chest, echoing his longing and reminding Kurama of how… powerfully he felt for her. Kurama felt more for Botan than he had ever felt for anyone else, and he couldn't figure out why. He didn't even want to figure out why, fearing what the answer may be. He already had his suspicions, and even though a lot of him was at peace with the fact, he couldn't bring himself to consciously say it. He could not say that four letter word that would make everything so real to him. He knew that, if Kurama admitted it out loud, he would be lost.
I need to relax, Kurama told himself, righting himself and checking the time again. Soon this will all be over and I'll be able to focus on hunting down Yuri. Botan and I will be mated, and maybe then this madness will end….Would Botan even want me? I know she lusts for me, but is that enough? Is that enough for me? Kurama bit his lip and ran his fingers through his hair as his thoughts ran full circle. He was so in lust with Botan that it was driving him crazy. Kurama really hoped that it was because of his mating time, because if it wasn't Kurama didn't know what he was going to do or how he was going to handle it.
"Botan-chan was really pretty today," Shuichii said suddenly while adjusting his hair. Shuichii wouldn't dare say much else about her, even though he had many more words to share on the topic of the blue haired beauty. Truth be told, Shuichii was envious of his older brother. Not only was Kurama sought after by everyone it seemed, he had someone as perfect as Botan as a girlfriend. It wasn't fair because Kurama didn't do anything to gain the attention of his admirers, they just flocked to him. Though Shuichii didn't blame his brother for anything, he really wished that some of the attention was sent his way. He wished that someone like Botan would find him attractive and care for him with that same intensity.
"Yes, she really was," Kurama agreed absent mindedly. She really was…Kurama checked his watch again before deciding that then was the best time to leave. Triple checking to see if his room key was in his pocket, Kurama shrugged on the jacket of his black tuxedo and turned off all the lights before he ushered Shuichii out of their shared room. Unlike Shuichii, Kurama chose to forgo the tie and left some of the buttons undone to expose his neck. Botan liked his neck, and he liked it when she would stare at it hungrily. Damn, I really have it bad…
The two continued down the hall in a comfortable silence, both lost in thought as they made their way to their mother's room a few doors down. The door was opened before they could even get there by Atsuko, who was laughing away at something that neither of the young men knew about. She turned to face them and gave them both a once over before she exited the room altogether and started to ruffle Shuichii's hair.
Atsuko, as well as all the others, had decided to say 'to hell with the risks' and came to the hotel to show their support for Botan. At first, Kurama wasn't to keen on the idea, but now that they were all there it really wasn't so bad. At least his mother wasn't rooming alone. It was strange, to tell the truth. Atsuko and Shiori, though not best friends, have become remarkably close in such a short time that it was almost scary. Where Shiori was gentle, kind and polite, Atsuko was rough, crude, and had the manners of a drunken sailor most days. However, every time they were together they were always laughing at one thing or another. For that, Atsuko would forever be endeared into Kurama's heart.*
"There, now you don't look like a square," Atsuko announced once she finished tousling Shuichii's hair and giving him a more roguish appearance. Her expression melted for a moment as she remembered her own son. She remembered playing around with his hair all the time when he was little, before she became a degenerate drunk. My boy…Yusuke… Atsuko's eyes glassed over for a moment before her mask resettled onto her face. She needed to be strong. Her baby was going to be back soon, and she didn't want him to see her so weak. But if I find the man that hurt my baby… Dark thoughts of revenge spiraled within Atsuko's eyes even as a jovial smile stretched across her face.
"Thank you Urameshi-san," Shuichii chuckled while scratching the back of his head. "You look really pretty today."
"Ah, you're such a dream. And so well trained too," Atsuko cooed merrily. She gave her hair a flip and pulled her strapless red gown up comically. "Well, we ain't getting any younger and you're mom is helping make Genkai look less like a hag, so they may take a while."
"I heard that!" Genkai's voice hollered from beyond the door.
"At least something's working ya' old shrew!" Atsuko shouted back even as her grin glowed with a radiance that seemed alien to her face. The look was alien, but beautiful. The loneliness that followed Atsuko like a shroud seemed to shrink and diminish, giving rise to the young woman she once was before she allowed her misery to fester within her heart.
"Get in here and say that to my face ya' tramp!" Genkai screeched, throwing something unseen at the door which resulted in a frightful thump.
"Gladly!" Kurama and Shuichii just watched as Atsuko barreled into the room and slammed the door shut behind her. There was a loud ruckus coming from within, but neither saw fit to investigate the scene; one out of fear, and the other out of respect.
"It would be best to leave the dragons to bond, we should go ahead," Kurama explained while placing a guiding hand on his younger brother's shoulder. Truth was, Kurama didn't really have the patience to wait around. So long as his mother was safe, Kurama saw no reason to stay.
"What about 'kaa-san?" Shuichii wasn't all that sure about Kurama's reasoning since things sounded pretty violent. He trusted Kurama with his life, but at he still worried.
"She's having fun," Kurama answered, his acute hearing picking up the melodious sound of their mother's laughter. They ran into Mukuro next, leaning against the wall next to Yukina's and Keiko's room. She wore a flattering pant suit that distracted from her imperfections and flattered the body she usually kept hidden from view. Most of her hair was swept to the side to hide her ravaged eye. It was still noticeable, but her wounds were no longer so discernable that they distracted from the beauty Mukuro once held.
"Kurama," Mukuro bowed in greeting with a question in her eyes.
"Mukuro," Kurama replied in a simpler fashion. "Is something the matter?" Kurama was still angry with Mukuro for her actions a few weeks ago, but so long as she behaved Kurama would maintain his civilities. Mukuro was Hiei's intended, and since Hiei was Kurama's best friend Kurama would spare Mukuro's life.
"I can't seem to find Hiei; do you know where he is?*" Mukuro's voice was laced with suspicion, and her brow arched as she waited for Kurama's reply. She knew Kurama did something to Hiei, but what she wasn't too sure about since she hadn't heard from him since that morning. She had no proof at all that Kurama was responsible for her love's disappearance if she wanted to be completely honest with herself, but her she believed her gut.
"Haven't the slightest," Kurama lied smoothly. Truth was Hiei was probably still hanging in the bathhouse by his ankles. The numbing agent in the plants Kurama used must still have an affect on Hiei since he was so small. Oh well, serves him right. "Try the bathhouse, I last saw him hanging around there."
Though she was distrustful of the Yoko, Mukuro pushed off from the wall and left in the opposite direction Kurama and Shuichii were traveling. She knew Kurama was lying. Kurama knew she knew he was lying. Neither really cared though since Hiei hadn't sent out any distress signals or anything, so all was good. Mukuro figured that it was just bonding between demonic brothers. She rolled her eyes at the thought before turning the corner.
"You have weird friends, onii-san," Shuichii blurted suddenly.
"That I do," Kurama agreed before knocking on the door Mukuro was guarding. It was opened several moments later by Yukina who stepped aside to let the two males in without a second thought. They found Keiko sitting on the bed farthest from the door with a morose expression on her face. She was dressed in a comely white sleeveless cupcake dress that was accented with lace and ribbons. Small white ribbons were tied into bows at either side of her head, the ends twisting into her hair and trailing over her shoulders. She was a vision of purity, if only the weariness would leave her.
Behind her lay the comatose body of Yusuke, whose hand was secured in Keiko's with an iron tight grip. On the nightstand next to them lay Yusuke's soul fragments, each pulsing and radiating a soothing light that wrapped around Keiko's body in an attempt to comfort her. She looked lost in thought, occasionally tilting her head as if to hear something that no one else could.
"Keiko," Kurama called gently, bringing the young woman back to reality. "Are you alright?"
"I'm fine," she nodded forlornly. "I just wish this would all be over."
"It will be," Kurama assured her. "We're closing in on another of Yusuke's soul fragments and the last of Kuwabara's, just have a little faith."
"I do," Keiko smiled sadly before she rose from the bed. She turned to Yusuke and leaned over to place a chaste kiss over his lips. She looked down on him with hope and sorrow clashing within her honeyed hazel eyes, wishing that he would wake up. When everything began, Yusuke would visit her in her dreams. He would hold her and comfort her as if he were really there. They would talk about everything and nothing at the same time. They would fool around. They would laugh. They would be together. Were it not for those nights, Keiko would have shattered long ago, but now all she heard was silence. Now it was like Yusuke was gone, truly gone; as if someone had taken him away and left nothing behind. On occasion she could hear his voice whisper across the wind, but when she searched for the sound she was left barren and alone. She could not hear him anymore.
"Is there any way we can help?" Yukina inquired. On her bed lay Kuwabara, but his soul fragment could not be found. Kurama searched the room for it with his mind, but he could not see where it was hidden.
"Just be careful. The enemy is here, I just don't know where yet." Kurama looked to Yukina suspiciously, curious to know what she had done with Kuwabara's soul fragment, but knowing that it would be for the best if he did not know. Kuwabara's soul was at a far greater risk than Yusuke's could ever be even without their current circumstances. A soul like Kuwabara's was one in a thousand and as such should be protected with utmost care.
Yukina rubbed her stomach nervously before she adjusted the feathers in her hair. She was also listening for the echoes of Kuwabara's voice, but like Keiko, she could hear nothing. "Where was it that Botan said she heard them?" She kept her eyes downcast, adjusting her kimono so it wouldn't fit so snugly against her stomach.
"In one of the smaller ballrooms, but I've already checked. There was nothing there. No box. No voices. Nothing," Kurama sighed. "Once I'm able to steal her away, I'm going to have Botan go through everything since she's the most sensitive to souls." Kurama lifted his arm to check his watch again, hoping to see that he hadn't wasted any time. Though he felt obligated to check on everyone, he felt hurried and rushed. He needed to get going and his obligations were slowing him down.
"What if they were moved?" Shuichii offered nervously.
"Botan would still be able to find traces of them if that were the case," Kurama answered without any doubt in his mind. Botan was good at her job, and this fell into her realm of expertise. Kurama had seen her records on one of his many trips to Reikai while under Koenma's employ. Her overall success rate was a near perfect 99.8%. "We should get going; I don't like the thought of Botan being on her own for too long."
"What are you hiding," Yukina said suddenly, as if struck by some epiphany. "You never used to be this protective of Botan. Is something wrong with her?"
Kurama was at a loss for what to say. Yukina was right. There was no question about it, but the interactions both he and Botan had with Yukina simultaneously weren't all that frequent. How would Yukina notice? Was it that obvious? "What do you mean?" Kurama needed to know more. Maybe Yukina was referring to something he didn't know about.
"Botan, you were always close with her, but never to this extent. Just now when conversation traveled to her you were suddenly on edge, as if concerned about something. Is something going on that we don't know about? Is it because she's falling?" Never before had Yukina ever been so bold, but now, with the lives of her loved ones on the line she couldn't afford to be meek. She had to know what was going on and if whatever it was, was going to prove a danger to any of them. Yukina absolutely refused to lose anyone else because of untold secrets.
"Why is she afraid of mirrors," Keiko added, her voice emotionless and flat whereas Yukina's strained to maintain her usual tone. Silence met her question as all eyes turned to Kurama in hopes of an answer.
"I wish I could tell you," Kurama began after taking some time to think. "But it is not my place. I can tell you this though; there is someone, a woman by the name of Yuri that has hurt Botan more than I can possibly say. Botan has suffered a lot in her past, and it's coming back to haunt her." Though he did worry that he said too much without Botan's consent, Kurama feared that Yuri, or any of the other Fallen, would target her. It had been a worry of his for a while. Botan was the only thing standing in the way of the Fallen's complete victory.
"Is this Yuri the person responsible for what's going on?" Yukina asked darkly, her anger and hatred spilling from her lips.
"One of," Kurama nodded. "The longer I leave her alone, the greater the chance is that Yuri will find her again."
"Then go," Keiko said simply. "We've already lost enough; we can't let Botan be added to the list. We'll meet you at the ball."
"Thank you. Shuichii, you stay with them," Kurama ordered before he left the room in search of his intended's scent. If Yukina was able to pick up his increasing closeness to Botan, who else has? Kurama found himself running down the halls in hopes of reaching Botan in time to find her, the feeling of dread closing in on him as another fear presented itself: What if the Fallen knew? Like Yusuke told Botan, they had forgotten about Maya. What if it was because they found out that Botan had become his reason to live?
Kurama stumbled to a stop when he realized the direction his thoughts were going. Is Botan the reason I live? Does she have that much power over me? Kurama didn't know what to think. She was his partner and his intended. That much was certain, but did he care for her that much? …Yes. Kurama broke into another run until he turned the last corner into the hall that the contestants stayed in. He found Botan's door a few moments later and knocked. While he waited, Kurama fixed his hair and schooled his breathing. Even with the heavy perfumes that wafted from the doors, Botan's scent was strong and clear to him. She was fine. The young woman that opened the door was not Botan however; it was someone else that Kurama vaguely recognized.
"Minamino-kun, what a pleasant surprise," the blonde greeted happily.
"So it seems, is Botan here?" Kurama inquired hesitantly. He could smell her, and he could hear another person rummaging through several cloth items in the background.
"Oh, you're here for her. Of course," She turned as she said this and opened the door wider for Kurama to enter. He saw Botan moments later, at the other side of the room with her butt in the air as she attempted in vain to close her luggage.
Kurama couldn't help but chuckle at the sight before him, walking over to Botan. He stood behind her as he waited for her to notice him, mischievous thoughts circling his head and prompting him to step forward and fill the gap between them. Botan snapped up at the waist, colliding with his chest with a decidedly adorable sound escaping her lips. Her hand reached back until it found Kurama's thigh and started to trail upwards until she found his face.
"Kurama," Botan smiled, turning to face him and pull him into a tight hug.
"You're upset about something," Kurama realized when Botan's arms pulled him closer. She took a shaky breath, nodding against his chest before nuzzling his neck. "What is it?"
Botan chose to remain silent in that instant, peeking around Kurama to catch Mayura glaring at them. She didn't mean to let Kurama know that she was upset. It was kind of embarrassing to tell the truth. What would Kurama think of her if she let a little name calling affect her so much? It's not like they said anything to her face yet. Botan sighed before she pulled away from Kurama's embrace. "It's nothing to worry about," Botan assured him with one of her bright smiles.
"If you say so," Kurama acquiesced. He would hear it from her later, when she was ready. "You look beautiful tonight," Kurama complimented once he finally allowed himself to look at Botan completely. The way the dress hugged her, and how her hair spilled over her shoulders, Botan was truly breath taking.
"Thank you," Botan blushed sweetly. "Did you need me for something?"
"Not really, I was just worried about you," Kurama admitted, claiming a seat on Botan's bed and pulling her down onto his lap.
"You worry too much," Botan pouted. Lifting one of her hands, Botan allowed herself to twist her fingers into one of Kurama's forelocks. She loved the way the red parted and twisted around her fingers. It was so soft and smooth, even with the split ends. He could really use a trim though, Botan thought with a sweet smile.
"And you don't worry enough," Kurama countered with a smirk. "What were you doing anyway? I thought I would find you at the ball."
"I was looking for a few of my-uh…accessories that I left in my room," Botan explained, hinting at some of the detective items she was wearing. The concentration ring shone brightly on her finger, distracting from the overly plain watch she wore. Around the same wrist was a charm bracelet with a series of curious items dangling from it, the most recognizable being the eyeglass. She also wore her tracker earring; the match to the one Kurama had never taken off. It looked strange for her to only have one earring, but with her hair spilling around it the odd fashion statement went mostly unnoticed.
Kurama canted his head in understanding while pulling Botan closer to his form, happy to have her near him. It was strange how clingy he was becoming, but Kurama just chalked it up to the situation they were in and the fact that he had named Botan as his intended. He didn't want anything bad to happen to her, especially now that his feelings for her had grown. If he lost her, Kurama didn't know what he would do. He didn't know how he'd handle it or how he'd even survive such a blow. He needed Botan to be okay. He needed her to be safe. I can't let anything happen to her. Kurama thought. As soon as this is all over, I'm taking Botan away from all of this. But could he? Would Botan let him? Looking down at the beauty in his arms, Kurama feared that he would somehow lose her.
"So I take it you two are close friends?" Mayura's voice derailed Kurama's train of thought, reminding him of her presence and alerting him to the thick miasma of darkness that seeped from her heart.
"In a matter of speaking," Kurama answered vaguely, unsure of Mayura's intentions. He remembered her enough to know that she had been one of his pushier admirers, and had an edge of maliciousness that led to interesting attempts at sabotages against her competition. Though it hadn't been proven, one of Mayura's plots against another of Kurama's admirers resulted in broken ankle and a scarred lip. Mayura is a dangerous competitor and Kurama cursed his laps in judgment; by showing Botan his affection so blatantly, he had inadvertently made Botan a target of the young woman's hate. Thinking fast, Kurama allowed the darkness of his own heart to seep through in silent warning. "Do you think you can keep an eye on her? I would hate for anything unfortunate to befall her."
The threat struck home and Mayura's expression struggled to hide her disdain. "I'll see to it that nothing happens to her" Mayura offered with feigned friendliness. She hadn't done anything, nor had she planned too yet, but if something did happen Mayura knew that the blame would fall on her. That was something she could not afford, especially now that she had Shuichii back in her life. Sure, she had a boyfriend now, but Kyo wasn't Shuichii and now that she had another chance to pursue him, Mayura wasn't going to mess it up. She gave her shoulder length hair a quick fluff and adjusted the strapless gown she wore in an attempt to draw attention to her bust. "We should probably be going now, the ball and all."
"We should," Kurama agreed, releasing his hold on Botan so she could stand on her own two feet. She pulled her hair over her shoulder and adjusted the clip Kurama had given her, exposing her neck to his hungry eyes. Fortunately she was oblivious to the affect such a simple gesture had on him, but her obliviousness was going to be the end of him. Kurama stood and offered Botan his arm, pleased to see her face flush with flattery.
"Thank you," Botan breathed nervously.
"Anytime." Kurama took the lead and exited the room with Mayura hot on his heels. He could hear the rustling of the fabric of her floor length black gown as she hurried to his side. Her plan was most likely to distract Kurama from Botan, but he knew it would be one of many failed attempts. He couldn't help it. Botan was the perfect distraction for him. Even now he could hear Mayura talking to him about college life and how she'd missed him and some such nonsense, but he really couldn't bring himself to care about her words.
When they arrived at the hotel's main ballroom, the music was already in full swing and couples were already dancing to the steady and upbeat music played by the small orchestra closer to the back of the ballroom. Hugging the walls were groups of little tables for people to dine and converse at while allowing ample room for the dancers to waltz and dance to their hearts content. From the ceiling hung three grand chandeliers with crystal tears drops that caught the light and reflected it in a prism of colors.
At the base of every marble column along the wall was a young man or woman, dressed in the hotel's uniform with a tray of champagne or finger foods balanced on their palms. Walking around were a handful more of the hotel's staff, each taking the dinner orders of those seated at the tables. One of which was laughing at one thing or another said by Shizuru, who was dressed in a simple, but elegant deep navy gown. Next to her sat Shiori, Atsuko and Genkai, all of which were enjoying glasses of red wine.
Kurama and Botan broke away from Mayura with smiles on their faces as they made their way to their friends and family. "Where are Keiko and Yukina?" Botan inquired once she was close enough to be heard without yelling. As she did this, Kurama pulled a chair out for Botan to sit down before claiming one of his own next to her.
"Yukina is dancing with Hiei and Keiko went with Mukuro to the bathroom," Shizuru replied, pointing to the twins a few feet away. Both were conversing with each other with pleasant smiles on their faces as they managed a simple waltz around the room, both turning in time to see Kurama and Botan face them.
"Aren't they adorable," Shiori cooed matronly in an off the shoulder, long sleeved white gown.
"Very," Kurama nodded. He and Hiei locked eyes from across the room, conversing through expression alone with a series of scowls, grins and smirks. Hiei made no move to approach the table though, so Kurama made no move to instigate a conversation with the smaller demon. Kurama was still a bit perturbed by the fact that Hiei took the role of his cock block, but he had already exacted his revenge a while back. It was not like he really could do much else since Hiei was one of his closest friends.
"So, how's work going?" Genkai inquired once Kurama's attention returned to the table. She had been curious about the workings of the mission since the results were slow coming. She knew the blame did not fall with Kurama or Botan, but it was frustrating to know that the enemy was amongst them, somewhere, but there was nothing that could be done. Their enemy was smart, which was something that the Tantei was not used to. Even from afar Genkai could tell that their enemy, even with their loss of Hiei, was still on the winning side of the power struggle.
"Frustrating," Botan huffed. "I thought I'd be able to hear Yusuke and Kuwabara again, but I haven't had any luck."
"Did you check where you heard them last?" Genkai offered.
"I did, and there was nothing there. No box, no scent, not even an inkling of another's presence," Kurama responded. "What's worse is that there are so many distractions. There are so many corrupted and poisoned spirits around that discerning one from the other is a challenge for me."
"That's to be expected. Souls are not you're expertise," Genkai soothed. She could see the irritation in Kurama's gaze, but for some reason she could tell that their situation was only part of the reason.
"They're mine," Botan finished. "Even so, there's so much…hate. It's all around us and it's blinding me to everything else. If only I could leave this body things would be so much easier…" Botan groaned in frustration.
"But you can't." Kurama placed a comforting hand on Botan's back and began to rub soothing circles. It wouldn't do to have Botan start depreciating herself, especially now that she's acquired a level of confidence in herself. "We'll continue our investigation once more people arrive. That way we won't be noticed."
"You're right." Botan still wasn't so sure it would be that easy. Closing her eyes, Botan extended her senses in hopes that this time she would find traces of her friends. All there was was black and the hate. It was all around her, choking her and filling her with its bitterness. They were not there. She couldn't even feel the life forces of those immediately around her. Her sixth sense was blind to everything around her, as if veiled by a thick blindfold. "I just wish things would be a little clearer," Botan whispered as she allowed herself to drift back to reality.
"Don't force it," Kurama insisted soothingly.
"I can't help it," Botan murmured, turning away from the table to watch the contestants dance with their boyfriends or converse in small clusters. She allowed her eyes to rove over their doll like faces, each made up to look serene and angelic, but she knew better. Botan always knew better. She could see the loathing. Most of the contestants hated each other, some even hated themselves. The thought of being the winner, of being the best, is all they thought about. Botan could even see the specters and shadows of the lesser demons, whispering in their ears and coaxing their hate to grow. They were so many of them, ranging from simple Makai insects to imps. They were everywhere.
Suddenly they scattered, as if chased away by some unknown force. Botan watched curiously, unsure what to think since the only ones present amongst them that could scatter them and send them away were amongst her team. What was chasing them? Who was chasing them? With their absence came clarity and Botan needed more of it. She searched through the faces, eager to find the energy that flirted with the edge of her sixth sense's range. It was there, somewhere, and Botan was going to find it.
Gold filled her vision as the source of the unknown's power entered her line of sight. Deep sapphire eyes found hers and instantly everything was clear. She could feel everything, the people, the souls, the demons. She could feel them all. Koudo, what are you? Botan thought to herself, unnerved by the intensity he looked at her with. Under Botan's deep scrutiny, Koudo continued to dance with one of the contestants. One would think that he was enjoying himself and was happily lost in conversation, but Botan knew better. She could feel him watching her, the force of his gaze heating her blood with uncertainty. Soon it became too much. Botan had to look away.
"Is something wrong?" Kurama questioned when he felt the heat radiating from Botan's body. He watched her down a glass of water instead of answer his questions, her cheeks painted red. Warning bells sounded within his mind and Kurama discretely looked around for the source of Botan's discomfort. Emerald and sapphire met then clashed. The familiar scent of spring filled his lungs, but Kurama could derive no pleasure from it. Kurama moved closer to Botan, wrapping his arm low around his waist when he saw the man approach them. The man's steps were even and sure, undeterred by Kurama's vicious and possessive glare.
"Good evening, Meibo-san," Koudo smiled, his deep baritone sending chills down her spine and making her toes curl from pleasure.
"G-good evening, Koudo-san," Botan stammered nervously, casting her eyes downward so she wouldn't have to meet his powerful gaze.
"Are you enjoying the pageant so far? I hope you haven't had any trouble with the other contestants." It took Botan a moment to realize that there was a question in his statement, too distracted was she by the way Kurama held her. That combined with Koudo's sultry voice left Botan warm and hungry. She could already feel a slight pulsing soreness develop in her gums, it wasn't so much to instigate worry, but it was enough to alert Botan to a new need.
"There's no trouble. I'm actually having fun," Botan found herself saying, unable to process the fact that the tightness around her waist was dropping lower as Kurama edged closer. All around her voices sounded even as she tried to ground herself and focus on Kurama's touch. She could hear them. She could hear Yusuke and Kuwabara. She could feel their spirits and hear their voices amongst the unheard din of the ballroom. They were there, somewhere, but where?
"That's good. Would you honor me with a dance then?" Koudo inquired pleasantly, bowing at the waist and extending his arm out for Botan to take.
Botan could feel Kurama's arm tighten around her waist and his breath deepen. Heat radiated from his body in waves as his aura spiked, shooting youki from his form and filling the room with his presence. Looking over her shoulder, Botan could see Kurama's eyes flash gold as his incisors elongated a small fraction. Kurama's fist was clenched and the faint scent of blood struck her nose, inspiring worry within Botan's heart. Kurama was upset, angered by the man's actions.
Placing a soothing hand over the hand dangerously low on her stomach, Botan gently pried Kurama's hold off of her. She knew he didn't like the idea of her dancing with the enemy, but if she was going to find Yusuke and Kuwabara, then Kurama was going to have to let her go. She trailed her fingers up Kurama's arm as she stood until her hand found his neck and shoulders. She caressed Kurama's cheek with the back of her hand, metaphorically smoothing his hackles. He turned his head slightly in response, pressing his lips to her knuckle before she could pull away completely. He looked at her with such longing in his eyes. He didn't want her to go, but he couldn't tell her to stay. He had no control over her and he knew that.
"Fear not, I will return her to you as I received her," Koudo promised almost teasingly when Botan's hand entered his. He then pulled Botan away in a flourish of movement before guiding her onto the dance floor.
Botan couldn't help but giggle at Koudo's behavior, not entirely used to such grand gestures. Only Kurama had ever done such things for her, and it was such a wonderful feeling to have someone treat her like a lady. It was something that she had envied of many human women for as long as she could remember. Ever since she became part of the tantei, she had always been one of the guys, so it was nice to have more than one person realize that she was a girl.
"I hope I didn't upset your boyfriend too much," Koudo said suddenly as he guided Botan through the basic steps of an upbeat waltz. "He looks about ready to slit my throat."
"We're not dating," Botan sighed sadly, casting her eyes downward. She would love to be Kurama's girlfriend, but she didn't know how that would work out in the long run. She may have told herself that she would do for herself for once, but she had forgotten about Kurama when she made that decision. What if he didn't want her? He had made it obvious that he lusted for her, just as she had made it obvious to him. But nothing would become of it for as long as her sister's mark disfigured her. Botan didn't think she would be able to handle the pain such intimacies would bring, so it would be best that they remained apart even if she wished for the opposite.
"What's stopping you?" Koudo asked, curious to know why two people that obviously wanted one another would deny themselves.
"It's complicated." Botan couldn't bring herself to say much more on the subject. Instead, she chose to distance herself from it. Moving on autopilot, Botan retreated within herself so that she could expand her senses again in hopes of locating Yusuke's and Kuwabara's soul fragments. She could feel them, but she could not pinpoint their location. On occasion she could almost hear a smart assed remark from Yusuke or Kuwabara, or at least what sounded like one, but beyond that, she got nothing. It was as if they were constantly on the move, flitting from one spot to the next like a humming bird zipping from flower to flower.
"You know, relationships don't always start out perfectly." Koudo offered suddenly after a long period of silence. "They don't always even have to work out in the beginning. But, if you truly care for one another, that won't matter."
"What do you mean?" Botan stared at Koudo incredulously, unsure how to take his words. How could he possibly know what she was going through when she hadn't spoken to anyone about it? How could he possibly know what ailed her? Was she that obvious? Was he a mind reader? What was he? How could he know?
"What's stopping you two is something small, something that shouldn't even be worried about until farther down the line. Why torture yourselves with wanting when you don't have to? You care for him, right?" Koudo could see the questions dancing in Botan's eyes, as well as the fear and the pain. She was so obviously in love, and yet she was oblivious to how strong and how deep her love was. Did she not know? Koudo could tell that such an emotion was alien to her, even without his talents, but surely Botan must realize the extent of her feelings.
"Of course I do." Botan cared for Kurama more and more with each passing day. She would do anything for him, even die.
"Then be with him. It's as simple as that." Koudo concluded simply, because it really was that simple.
"But, what if it's not enough?" Botan wanted to believe Koudo, she truly did. But even she knew life wasn't that easy.
"But what if it is? Stop torturing yourself with 'what ifs' and a future you can't predict. He cares for you, more than either of you realize. You're doing more harm then good by pushing each other away." Koudo pressed, turning Botan enough to see Kurama. He wanted her to see the jealousy and the worry in Kurama's eyes. Koudo wanted Botan to see that it Kurama did want Botan to be a part of his life and wanted her enough to be jealous. Demons don't become possessive of people unless there was an emotional attachment.
"I want to so badly, but I'm deformed. The one thing he'll eventually want I can't give." Botan admitted without any conscious thought to her words. She hated it, the fact that the only thing standing in her way was her deformity.
"Has he told you that? Or are you making assumptions? There's a long road of pain and trials ahead of you, but that's not one of them." Koudo predicted, wrapping his arms around Botan in a soothing hug. If only he could make her see, but his words were just that; words. She needed to find out for herself, but so long as Botan saw herself as deformed, she forever will be. It wasn't Yuri that was keeping Botan from happiness; it was Botan. Yuri's mark only had power because Botan believed it did. In believing, Yuri's brand feeds and festers on Botan's psyche, filling her with doubts about her own worth like many of the lesser demons that hid in the shadows around them at that very moment.
"What do you mean?" Botan didn't understand why Koudo was saying such things. She didn't know if he was lying or telling the truth. All Botan knew was that she was hanging from his every word, desperate to hear something, anything that would give her hope. Maybe her chances with Kurama weren't so slim. Maybe they weren't so doomed after all. Botan knew such naivety was going to hurt her in the end, but she wanted to believe Koudo. She needed to believe him.
"Stop chasing after the future. It's coming to you, so don't worry about it and enjoy the present that is right now. After your moment with me, you and your fox of a boyfriend are going to become closer than you ever though possible." Koudo offered instead. Koudo glanced over Botan's head of blue in time to see Kurama rise from his chair and storm off onto the balcony. A dark grin tugged at his lips when he realized just how jealous Kurama truly was. Were he a lesser being, Koudo would genuinely be afraid. But he wasn't, so fear was the farthest thing from his mind. With that being said, Koudo decided that sleeping during the week was going to be a very bad idea.
"I…I hope you're right." Botan relented, hoping beyond all hope that he was right.
"I know everything, of course I'm right," Koudo boasted in a faux snooty accent. Botan laughed at his mimicry of the snobby people in attendance of the ball. Eager to hear more of it, Koudo placed both his hands on Botan's hips and lifted her up of the ground and gave her a twirl. The laughter that peeled from her lips was infectious, and Koudo wished with all his heart that he would be able to bask in her light for a moment longer. Botan truly is something… Koudo smiled. I just hope that everything turns out alright in the end, even if only just for her.*
Mine. Mine. MINE! She's mine. Who is he? Why is he…? She's mine. She's my intended. She's mine.
Kurama struggled for breath: Struggled for control. Kurama clenched the marble banister of the balcony, the force of his grip giving birth to fissures in the stone. He could still feel the erratic rhythm of his pulse, pumping his heated blood and adrenaline through his system. He could feel the soreness of his gums as his canines lengthened completely, biting into this lip as Kurama fought to calm himself. It wasn't enough; the pain, the fresh air, nothing was enough. Nothing could calm him. Kurama glared up at the moon in search of something, anything that would sooth his ire. Nothing came. Who is he? What right does he have to try and take her from me?The echo of Botan's laughter taunted him. The brightness of her eyes burned him. The serenity of her expression broke him. Who was this 'Koudo' individual? How dare he step in and take Botan away from him. Kurama didn't care if it was only for one dance. The fact of the matter remained that he had taken her, and Botan allowed it. No amount of soothing gestures was going to change that. Botan had left him for that...creature, for he surely was no demon. No demon would dare try and take from him.
But then, Botan left him. Whatever her reasons before, they weren't what governed her now. He could see it in her eyes; her inner fire igniting within her deep gemlike gaze. Until then, he had been the only one privy to such a look, but now she was looking at someone else. Kurama knew that Botan lusted for him, but now it seemed she lusted for Koudo as well and why shouldn't she? The man was gorgeous. Even he would normally have been swayed.* It's not like Botan was obligated to be with just him. Though he knew it, and though he had declared it to others, Botan did not know of his wishes to mate with her. Even if she did, what did he have to offer her? What did he have that would ensure that she would want to be with him and only him?
Botan was falling. She had no family. She had no home. She had no education, save for what she'd experienced. She had nothing outside of Reikai save for the friendships she held dear. She was also cursed in that she truly couldn't be his mate. She was free game for any demon that showed an interest, and not all demons would care about her scar and the pain it would cause. They'd take her anyway. They'd take her and then leave her to rot once they'd been sated. Then there were others, others like Yusuke, who were Kurama's betters in many ways that could care for her as much as he did. Kurama didn't know which he feared more.
What do I have to offer her? Am I no different than those other demons? I can provide her with a home. I can protect her from harm. I can provide for her every physical need without any difficulty. ..But so can others. It's true that I lust for her, and I care for her a great deal, but how long will that last? How long before her innocence loses its charm and I grow bored with her? How long before she becomes bored with me and the need for more takes her away? With Yuri still alive, my claim on Botan is a moot point….But I want her. I want her so much. Kurama peered over his shoulder and felt his heart break when he saw Botan laughing in the arms of that other man. Have I ever made her laugh? Have I ever made her feel anything beyond lust? In the past that used to be enough for him and his relationships; the lust. Now Kurama wasn't so sure. Could he keep Botan with just lust alone?
Kurama turned away from the sight of Botan's happiness. He wanted her to be happy. Kurama would do anything to ensure its survival. But Kurama wanted Botan to be happy with him more. How would he be able to do that? How would he be able to make Botan love him, and not just lust for him? Kurama's eyes widened with realization. Do I want her love? Kurama's heart swelled at the prospect. To have Botan love him…Kurama would be beside himself. I want her to love me. I would give just about anything to have her love me. But do I deserve it? She's light personified, while my hands are forever stained with my sins. I don't deserve her, but I want her. I…I need her.
Why do I feel this way? Kurama barked a fowl expletive, knowing why but refusing to believe it. He knew why he was behaving the way he was. He knew why his heart was beating a mile a minute. He knew why he felt the strong desire to butcher Koudo, and yet did nothing. Kurama knew why he was doing nothing to put an end to Botan's moment of fun and happiness. Kurama knew why he needed and wanted Botan so much, with every fiber of his being. Kurama knew why, but he was too terrified to say it. Kurama was terrified to even think it. Kurama was just plain terrified. He could feel the emotion, but he refused to name it.
Giving his emotions its true name would mean that he had lost all control. Control was the only thing keeping them all afloat right now. Kurama needed to be in control. If he wasn't, they'd all be lost. But was it so bad? The others could experience it, even Hiei. They were even stronger for it. Everything he believed about the word had been proven false by his friends, so why did he still fear it? Would it be so wrong to admit, even if only to himself, that he was in love with Botan?
"Kurama."
*1 – Koudo is not a lord or anything like that, he is just referred to as such because of his god-like appearance by his many admirers.
*2 – I practically gave that to you. Where is this character from?
*3 – Wow, two cameo's in a row. This one's a bit harder though, so feel free to ask for hints.
*4 – Kuwabara is hers and Kazuma's last name. Maya isn't familiar with Shizuru, so she refers to her respectfully by her last name, whereas Shizuru uses Maya's first name, but whether or not it's done out of spite or familiarity is up to interpretation.
*5 – I tried to delay the dresses for as long as possible so people could have the chance to send any last minute entrees, but oh well. This is the Hiei inspired dress, drawn by DeidaraLover196. Congratulations babe! You're commission is coming along, just a bit slowly. Sorry.
*6 – Kurama does like Atsuko, because she reminds him of some of some of his fellow bandits, but that liking increased with the blooming relationship between her and his human mother.
*7 – I'm surprised no one asked me what happened to him. Kurama taught Hiei a lesson and Hiei had yet to return, so he wasn't there for the first night of the contest. He watched with his Jagan eye, so he knows what happened, but he's still sorta hanging around.
8* - For those who hadn't caught on yet, Kurama's bisexual. He swings both ways but prefers women. There is no such thing as a completely straight or completely gay demon over the age of one hundred in my world, simply because doing the same thing gets boring.
9* - I love Koudo, and you will too…I think. Keep his character in mind, I wrote him that way for a reason.
*FYI (since I didn't state this in the last chapter) - Just so you know, regular mating usually lasts until the offspring can fend for themselves. When the "kids are grow" the mated pair no longer have a reason to stay together and part ways…unless the really like each other. If that's the case then they'll mate again…and again…and again, or to make it easier on everyone they mate for life.
Author's Notes: Alrighty, now we're getting somewhere! Now for an overview since something really important happened in this chapter that I'm not all that sure I got across well enough:
Kurama. I love that man! As you probably have noticed, he's an increasingly horny fuck. He's been wooing Botan for quite a while and he intends to take her as his mate. He's been suspecting the reason why he feels the need to, but now it's really starting to hit home for him. Even though he's terrified of the word, so much so that Kurama would never consciously say it, Kurama is falling in love with Botan. Up until now, Kurama has insisted to himself that his emotions are born entirely from lust and friendship. He knows he cares for her a lot. A lot, a lot. Kurama is scared shitless of love and what the word entails. It's actually the reason he kind of goes back and forth with his development in his relationship with Botan. Every time his mind travels to 'love' Kurama panics and insists to himself that he just wants to mate with her and be there for her. She's slowly becoming his best friend and he would do anything for her, but his own fears are getting in the way.
It's not just Botan with insecurities. Kurama has them as well, and his run a little deeper than just his fear of love. More on that as you read. ;-p