New York, March 2016

"I'm so glad of the progress you've made. I understand this is a hard process. It's team work. It's exhausting. There are a lot of wounds that are going to be pried open with a crowbar but that's what honest communication is about. Discomfort, in the beginning, is worth it in the end when you've avoided misunderstandings. And it's all a step to healing."

Rhonda nodded, just wanting the session to be over with. She didn't mind Dr. Finklestein. In fact, she even admired the woman. So enthusiastic to help couples who were going through rough patches. She had come highly recommended. Even though she can't save her marriage, Rhonda thought, at least she was slowing down the rate that it was falling apart.

Beside her, Edward listened to the good doctor with rapt focus. As if he was taking notes with his brain. His hand gripped hers. His dedication touched her but it was too late. There was too much that had gone on. Rhonda didn't want to deal with it anymore. He had been true to his word though. Eddy was always by her side and had stayed home for a month.

He spoke to her in a sweet tone and sometimes held her tightly when they were left alone.

His last minute affection and sincere apology made her sick. What's worse was that she let him make love to her one night. There was nothing wrong with it but she felt as if she was betraying someone. Dr. Finklestein had suggested that the sooner their sex life was in order, the faster their reconciliation would go.

After that night, she told Eddy she wasn't ready and he understood. He respected her decision and didn't ask her to be intimate with him again. "I understand. These things take time," he said. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have rushed you into it."

But it wasn't that.

It was the fact that she wasn't thinking of her husband in the middle of the act. It was the fact that she smelled citrusy scents whenever he touched her. Or saw black hair instead of blonde. She could puke. She wanted to puke. Wait a second…

"Do you have a trashcan, Dr. Finkelstein?"

"Yes, here."

Edward watched her. "What's going on?"

No time to explain, Rhonda grabbed the grey receptacle and emptied her lunch.

…

"So, when is the last time you had your period?" her doctor asked her as she glanced down at her chart. Dr. Roberts was a man in his early sixties but was still very handsome. Rhonda stared at him and was reminded of Sean Connery. They sat in a clinical room with big health posters, a blue examination bed, and Dr. Roberts desk which had photos of his family and his golden retriever.

"Uh, I don't know. I hardly keep track. I have an irregular one. What's my period got to do with anything? It's a simple stomach bug."

Dr. Roberts shook his head and gave her a sorry smile. "According to my chart, you might be nine weeks pregnant. That's when usual symptoms like nausea and vomiting…"

She tuned him out. The world blurred around and there was a sharp ringing in her ears. Her breaths turned shallow and her hands clammy, gripping her skirt. All she could think about was how fortunate that Eddy was outside receiving a call.

Pregnant. Pregnant. Pregnant.

The one word reverberated in her brain.

"Rhonda?" Dr. Roberts pulled her back into the world.

She pasted what must have seemed like an insane smile. "Hmm?"

"We need to run a couple of more tests, just to be sure but I'm quite positive that you're going to be a new mother. Congratulations."

She didn't feel congratulated. She felt burdened and sick. No, no. This wasn't supposed to happen. At that moment was when Eddy decided to burst into the room again.

"Hey, what's up?"

Rhonda put her signature Lloyd brave face on. Dr. Roberts started scribbling something down on his prescription pad.

"Hey, guess what?"

…

Somehow, news that she was knocked up spread like wildfire. Eddy had been too excited and called her parents immediately after they've reached home. She received congratulatory phone calls from friends within days. They had dinner with her parents and they were over the moon. And then baby shopping came along. Edward attacked it with such ferocity that left her feeling a little bit scared.

"What do you think of this one?" he asked as he held up a tiny red rattler. He gave it a little shake and poked her cheek with it.

"Stop it."

He poked again and laughed. "Come on, mommy. Which one?"

"I want a divorce," she said.

The rattler dropped to the floor. There was a sound of maracas and a thud. Her answer stole his breath away. "What?"

"I said I want a–"

He held up a hand and shook his head. "No, no. I heard you." He whispered, "You're doing this here? In the middle of Buy Buy Baby?"

His look of dismay broke her heart but she couldn't continue living a lie.

"Is it me? Is it Dr. Finkelstein? Because we can change therapists if that's what you want."

She shook her head.

"Then what is it, Rhonda?" his voice was louder now and a few moms-to-be had turned their heads.

"It's not that. You've been great. I–" How could she explain herself? How could she tell him the truth? "I'm different. I've changed. I don't want to be here anymore. And you shouldn't be with someone who is not trying just as hard to revive this marriage. It's not right."

For the first time in their marriage, he looked like he was about to cry. "I know I cheated on you multiple times."

She waited for him to make a point.

"And I know it takes a long time to forgive something like that but we can work it out. I wasn't ready when we first got married but I'm ready now."

"I'm tired, Eddy. And I don't think we can work it out," she said softly.

"Why?" he pleaded. "Tell me why?"

She gulped. She had to tell him the truth. "Because I cheated on you too. And I think it's time we end this farce so we can both be happy."

His expression of extreme shock and horror was what she'd been expecting.

"I wanted to get even when I found out about your affairs. It doesn't excuse my behaviour. I– I'm sorry. I'm sorry about it."

He sniffed.

"I should have expected it," he said slowly.

She wanted to give him a hug. But she knew he wouldn't be welcome to her touch. "I think you'll make a great husband. Some day. But not for me and not for some time. You love women far too much. But this month you proved that you can commit."

He snorted and crossed his arms. Now that he's had time to process it, he was taking the news quite well. "So what now? What happens?" he sneered.

"We get a divorce and I move out of the house. Don't worry, I won't try to take your money in the settlement. We leave the marriage with what we had going in."

That seemed to comfort him and he relaxed. A peaceful air surrounded him as he stared down at her with his sapphire eyes. She was glad she was finally owning up to her mistakes and facing the consequences. The time for running from her responsibilities was over. Rhonda needed to get real.

There would be a backlash. From her parents, her friends, her relatives. But she didn't care. It wasn't fair to her and Eddy to continue putting up a show. Somehow, she believed Eddy knew this as well. She could tell from the way he seemed relieved. He was still angry, yes, but it was like he didn't have to pretend anymore.

"You don't have to move out right away. I'll make the arrangements for you."

"Thanks for the offer. But I think I'd like to do this on my own."

He nodded. He wasn't going to be her husband anymore. In the future, she had to deal with most things herself.

"What about the baby? Do I get custody? That's my child."