A/N Heeey guys, sorry I didn't update last weekend, but I was away. Like not just out of town away, like out of this world away. I went on a retreat with my church, which means no technology. It was actually quite fun, I met new people (gasp), was one with nature, had some good old fashioned girl talks, etc. Anyway I finally have the next chapter, and like I mentioned before, there are two POVs this time, I didn't label them A) for a teensy bit of suspense and B) they're quite obvious. So the page break is where it changes. Please continue and I hope you enjoy.

Chapter 18

Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. The fast patter of the rain against my balcony echoed in my mind. I had gone to bed hours ago, yet here I lay awake. On the outside I suppose I looked asleep, with my eyes closed and my face expressionless. Yet on the inside, I was a mess— part of me screamed and shouted in pain. There was a part of me that had been crying in the corner nonstop. Part of me told me I should call out that demon and rip her to shreds. The other part told me to move on, to not let this consume my life and continue.

Of course that was the logical thing to do, but how was I supposed to live without air? My lungs inhaled and exhaled, yet I still felt as if a vacuum was in front of me, absorbing my air. My heart pulsed, but it had no beat. My throat felt ready to explode from the lump that had permanently formed there. I usually let the tears out, they didn't bother me anymore, every now and again I'd pretend I was okay; but I wasn't.

I let out a long sigh, losing more air. I bit my lip, unwanted memories flooding me. Green. Every memory was filled with green... and bronze. The lump in my throat grew bigger, "You're my priority." The wind whispered. No! I shouted inwardly. I couldn't listen to my imagination. I'd end up losing my mind... if I hadn't already.

What hurt the most wasn't even his absence. Although that was excruciatingly painful, it was the fact that I was so close. Close to what? Him. Us. It was the never knowing what could have been and what never will be. What hurt the most was being so close and never getting the chance.

It was hard to know that you finally found the one to give your heart to, and he can't give it back. Who knows if he would have? I don't even get the chance to know. All I am certain of is he that can't now.

If I could just go back, pin him to the ground, knock him unconscious—anything to not have him be at that warehouse. Maybe things wouldn't be the way they are. But they are...and it hurt. I opened my eyes, looking up at my blue ceiling, wishing I could slip into its serenity. I slowly turn my head to look at my clock, 2:23AM; I sighed and kicked off my blanket. There was no use in fooling myself. I might as well head to HQ if I wasn't going to sleep. Today I would finally return to the life I had paused.

I could already feel the stares and sympathetic looks, just thinking about it made me want to pull my covers over my head. I shook my head, hoping to shake off more than one thing in there and climbed out of bed. I walked into my closet, sat on the floor, and stared at my options. Nothing seemed appealing; nothing seemed right. What is a ghost supposed to wear? A blanket? That seemed like a nice idea, but then Alice would probably give me a big lecture followed by a makeover, and I had had enough of those for a life time.

I sighed, got up, and pushed aside my hoodies. I grabbed some black leggings and searched through my untouched wardrobe. After flipping past dozens of low cut dresses, I finally found the one I wanted...or well, one I would tolerate. It was blue, with thin straps, the material felt like silk, and probably was, when I put it in it flowed over me and stopped about 4 inches above me knee. The waist had one big sapphire in the center, it was simple but beautiful, something I would probably never wear in 36° weather, hence the leggings. I grabbed a black button up cardigan and blue toms. Satisfied, I headed to the bathroom to clean up my puffy face.

I stared in the mirror, my eyes were no longer blood red, but a trace still lingered. They were puffy, and my nose resembled Rudolph's. I turned on the tap, waited for the water to become warm, and washed my face. After drying it, I lightly applied concealer—to hide my redness, and blue eyeliner on my bottom lid, hoping it would dominate the pink/red in them.

I bit my peach covered lips, staring at the curler. If I tried, I would probably burn myself. After a minute of considering how I could possibly kill myself with this thing, I grabbed it and slowly, very slowly, curled ringlets into the bottom of my hair. Once that was done, I brushed them out a little and headed out the door with my keys in hand. It had been a while since I had driven, it had always been...I was always riding passenger.

I gripped the steering wheel tightly, breathing in and out heavily. After regaining my composure, I sped out of the garage and to HQ. After I parked and stepped out of the car, the cold wind nipped at my face, I hugged myself before hurrying into the elevator.

Once inside, the ride up to the last floor seemed to take forever, unfortunately that wasn't long enough. Stepping out, I paused at the door, ID card in hand. I considered turning around. I took a deep breath and slid the card against the scanner. The door lock clicked, and I pulled open the door. The inside was just like it was before we left, crowded and a mess, for some reason we had just decided to cram all of us into our tiny room instead of using one of the bigger rooms in the building. Papers covered the tables, floors, desks, and chairs. People covered the floors, corners, tables, desks, and chairs.

As soon as I entered everyone turned to look at me, just like I had anticipated. I wanted to turn back and run, instead I hardened my gaze, daring them to say something.

"Bella." Alice whispered wide eyed. If you could ever shock Alice leaving her speechless, you have achieved the impossible. I sent her a look, then faced the crowd.

"I want an update. What do we have?" I ordered stepping further into the room. People seemed to be confused, as if not understanding me. I knew I had to step up, I was the only field agent on my team...and its only leader. "Do I need to repeat myself?" I asked in a stern voice. Immediately the room sprang into action. A line of people stood in front of me ready to deliver.

"It appears that the Donovan Clan is rooted in Washington. Their leaders are former agent and thought to be deceased Renee Dwyer, along with this man-" Kate began informing me while she pointed at the screen where pictures showed up, one of my moth- of her, and the other of a middle aged man. He was pale, seemed in his late 20's, and had hair pale as the moonlight. Something about him unnerved me, as if I'd met him before. "His identity is unknown. He does not appear in any of our data bases, but as we speak, Ben is running it through the international data bases hoping to find a match."

I nodded and studied the picture, something seemed incredibly familiar. It frustrated me not being able to pin it down.

Zafrina stepped forward, "There are no signs of further infiltrations, yet we have doubled the security. Every opening is now guarded. If anyone tries to come near here, they'll be apprehended immediately." She said standing tall. I nodded, knitting my brows.

"And Leah Clearwater?" I asked, concerned.

"She has been released from the infirmary, she is currently with Agent Clearwater." Garrett answered from where he was leaning back in his chair. I bit my lip, wondering if I should go see them. I decided against it. I didn't want to interrupt.

"Special Agents Black and Denali?" I asked, for I hadn't seen them in the room.

"Tanya hasn't reported in yet, and Jacob said he'd be in the gym." Rosalie answered without looking up from her tablet. My hands twitched, unsure of how to proceed. I wasn't used to instructing everything. I always just added on.

"Proceed in your search, if anything comes up, you know how to reach me." I commanded. Everybody straightened, saluted, and proceeded to do their jobs. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Alice approaching me. I wasn't ready for that yet. I quickly turned and frantically pressed the elevator button. As soon as it opened, I slipped in, pressed the close doors button, and made my way down.

I let out a big sigh, pressing myself against the wall, trying to blend in. All too soon the doors opened, revealing an empty hallway. I hesitated to get out, but the ding of the doors closing made me jump out at the last minute. I, then, stood in the empty corridor. I realized where I was, and all I wanted to do was call the elevator back down. Instead my legs moved forward, while my mind shouted go back! How did that even work? Isn't the mind the one that controls the body?

I suddenly turned right, and I wanted to start running the other way. Before I knew it, I pushed open a door that lead to the hall of fame. I stood frozen at the door, it was dark with spotlights lighting the glass cases commemorating past agents. Commemorating him. I sucked in a deep breath, my heart slowed, and the air thinned. I slowly stepped forward, looking at the history of the agency. Before I realized it, I was at the end of the line, his picture snuck up on me. I wasn't ready for it, and I gasped for air. Tears brimmed the edges of my eyes, I refused to let them flow. It was a picture of him that I took not too long ago. We had just come back from a successful mission and were headed out to celebrate. In the spur of the moment, I asked him to pose, he leaned his right shoulder against the wall, resting his elbow on the wall as well with his hand behind his head. It was the model look, his flex made his muscles more defined, his black shirt contrasting them perfectly. I even had him drape his leather jacket across his right shoulder with his right hand. He looked at me and then I made a face at him, and he broke into laughter. The picture captured that moment, his head about to be thrown back, his smile genuine and perfect, he was perfect. And he took that with him.

Grief hit me square in the abdomen. "I am so sorry." I gasped clutching my stomach. "It's all my fault." I cried sinking to the floor, crouching, my head resting in between my knees.

"Yes it is." Answered a voice behind me. It scared the crap out of me. I fell to the floor and whipped around. In the corner, where the spotlights couldn't reach him, sat Jake with his head leaning back against the wall. His eyes were bloodshot red. "It was all your fault, you made him do what he did." He answered in hoarse sarcastic voice, I could just hear the eye roll.

I wiped a tear that rolled along the edge of my nose, "How-how long have you been there? I didn't hear you come in." I cleared my throat.

He closed his eyes, "I've been here since we got back, never moved since." He shook his head slowly. I thought back trying to think if I had seen him on my way in, honestly I was too shaken to really have noticed much else.

I turned back to look at his picture, "If I—if I had done at least one thing differently, h-h-he...Edward" I closed my eyes in pain at his name, "would still be alive." I whispered.

"If that was the case then I suppose it's my fault too. Had I talked to him, he wouldn't have gone back. If that's the case, it's everybody's fault." Jacob shrugged opening his eyes, releasing more tears.

"But I knew Renee," I spat her name like curdled milk, "…was targeting him. I should have never have left his side." I pounded my fist on the floor. My body shook with pent up tears, "It's all my fault." I cried.

I looked over at Jacob and gasped through tears, "Why did he go back?"

Jake shook his head, "I don't know. I saw him talk to somebody. My best guess, it wasn't his idea to go back." Jake answered angrily, "Had I just stopped him!" Jake let out a huge cry, penetrating my core. And then something clicked, as if his cry had carried something into me.

I looked at him, through blurry eyes, I cocked my head sideways, "You loved him didn't you?" I asked bluntly.

He closed his eyes, "Til' death." He whispered heaving more sobs.

3 months later….

I was in a sea of chocolate. They were so deep, so warm, and seemed so far away. They went beautifully with the white milk next to them, so smooth. Pink petals adorned her cheeks, they reddened as I stared. She smiled, and my heart warmed. Her lips moved, and her eyes stared at me. She had asked me a question.

"I'm sorry, what'd you say love?" I asked, smiling stupidly as she blushed like she always did when I called her love. She shook with silent laughter. Then she repeated what she had said, only I still didn't hear her. I knew this time I had been paying attention, why couldn't I hear her? I needed to hear her voice. Before I could say anything, her eyes widened, and she seemed to be speaking to me urgently. Her lips moved but nothing came out. She seemed scared, and soon, she seemed in pain. I wanted to help, to make it go away; but I had no idea what she was saying, then my head started to feel heavy, I couldn't move.

She was crying. Shouting something at me, I shook my head that I couldn't understand. She pointed at my chest. I looked down, and I saw that I was engulfed in flames. I stood up alarmed. I tried to put the flames out, but they only spread and grew.

I looked around me. The flames spread. I shouted at her to run, but she stayed sitting. She seemed unaffected, while I was consumed. Slowly, she got up and walked away, "Wait! Help me!" I shouted, but she ignored me. An indescribable pain shot through me.

I sat up in my bed, covered in cold sweat, my heart pounding. I sighed and rubbed my sticky face. Kicking off my sheets, I grabbed my stuff and headed into the shower.

I stopped to look in the mirror, my bizarre hair stuck to my forehead and was matted down. My eyes burned green, but they were empty. They searched for something that wasn't on this earth. I touched the multiple scars running along my body, none were very big or gruesome, but there was more than there should be. Every time I touched one, I wondered about the story behind it. No matter how much I tried, nothing came to mind. My memory was a blank sheet of paper.

And then there was her, every night, she appeared in my dreams, I didn't remember all of them, but I knew she was in them, because she was all the dream was about.

I had no idea if she existed, or if my mind just longed for her to exist. There was something missing. I couldn't place her. She was beautiful, an angel, which made me believe she was nothing but a desire.

I sighed and stepped into the shower, letting the warm water wash away the pain of the nonexistent fire. Every time I thought about her, my brain seemed to lurch. Sending some kind of shock through me, as if I should remember something important. In truth, I should remember everything, but with her it was something in particular.

After drying off, I changed into workout cloths and headed to the gym. The one place I felt like I belonged. The rest of the building felt hostile. It felt wrong. I turned down a corridor and passed guards on their way to their shifts. I nodded at them, and they nodded at me. I walked into the gym and headed to the sand bag.

I popped my neck and arms, then started off with a few light hits, just to warm up. Then my mind began to wander, and my body pushed out every frustration. The girl. BAM. I punched the bag. My past life. BAM. The Volturi saying I was one of their best. BAM. My obsession with heat and phoenixes. BAM. Her brown eyes. BAM. My scars. BAM. My history. BAM. BAM. My 24/7 uneasiness. BAM.

Soon I was covered in sweat, droplets dripping from my chin. "Mason!" Cooed a familiar voice. I internally groaned. Her. BAM. I lightly punched the bag as I rested my head on it. I unwrapped my hands and went to go sit down on a bench.

"What are doing up so early darling?" She asked walking over to me, she put her hand in my hair. I immediately stood and walked to the opposite side of the room. I couldn't stand it when she touched my hair. Actually I couldn't stand it when she touched me period. But with my hair it was different, I felt violated. I knew if I had told anyone that they would have laughed in my face. The truth was, whenever she touched my hair, I felt dirty, and as if I were betraying someone.

I couldn't explain the feeling, but I trusted it. My gut was the only thing I could trust. I may not know a lot, but I didn't need to. I knew I could trust my instincts. Although, lately they've been going haywire, saying everything is wrong. But how could it be wrong to be with my family?

They weren't really my family, I was an orphan, but the Volturi took me in as a kid and raised me. I was a highly trained assassin, lately I had merely been sent out on sabotage missions. They didn't know if I was at full capability and didn't want to risk me in the middle of a mission.

I personally didn't complain, I didn't figure myself for a lazy person. But I felt that I hadn't had my off time in a while, so I took it now. I didn't mind. I felt lost out there, not sure where to go.

"So Mason, after you're done here and before you head to breakfast, Caius would like to see you." She called from the bench. I tightened my jaw, restraining me from saying something I shouldn't. Caius. Something about that guy put my nerves on edge, my blood boiled in his presence.

"What does he want?" I asked turning to look at her. I leaned back against the table, and tried not glare at her. She smiled, to anybody else she would have been considered beautiful. Her strawberry blonde hair flowed down the side of her long neck. Her pale skin shinned smoothly, like polished marble, her eyes a bright honey color. Unfortunately like her skin, they seemed to be cold hard gems, she smiled, but they remained cold. Everything about her was cold, although she did act warm and kind with me, I could see straight through it.

She was hiding something, I didn't know what, but she was trying too hard to conceal it. She may have been a good person, but she had a hidden motive; and I didn't like it. Her beauty was nothing to me. I felt no attraction, for I trusted my gut in this as well, and maybe I had had a person of interest and that is why I can't feel anything for any of the women here. Maybe I didn't, and I was just immune to her beauty. Who knows, all I knew was I had to keep my distance.

"Who knows, maybe he has another mission, or he wishes to know how you are recuperating." She suggested crossing her long legs.

I smirked, "Him? Worried about my health? Pfft." I laughed heading to the pull up bar.

With a small jump, I grabbed onto the bar, and began pulling myself up, then down, and up. "Come on Mas, you know everybody here cares. We were absolutely worried sick when you were unconscious all those days." She walked in front of me and smiled.

I pulled myself up and stayed there, looking down at her, "About that, what happened? Why was I hospitalized? Nobody answers me." I questioned studying her reaction carefully.

She hesitated but then tried to play it off. "That's because nobody knows, you disappeared on your own. After a while we started looking for you and found you hurt. We have no idea where you went or what you were doing." She answered.

I nodded, not believing a word. I went back down and the up again. After lowering myself I let go and grabbed my water bottle, then I headed to the door. "Might as well go see what he wants." I answered grimly.

I heard her footsteps echo behind me as she followed. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. "So Mason, I was wondering if you weren't busy later maybe we could do something together. We haven't done anything since you've woken up." She purred next to me. How on earth could I have ever asked her to be my girlfriend? And the worst part was I couldn't break up with her, because for all I knew up until the accident. I could have declared her the love of my life.

"I don't know, you know how I feel about going out." I shook my head, hoping she drop the topic.

"But Honey, it's been hard on me already, and you rejecting me isn't making it any easier." She pouted.

Hard on her? She didn't lose her identity! She knew exactly who she was! While I was stuck in the darkness of the empty abyss. Unsure of where to go and what to do. "I'm not rejecting you, I just need time." Well at least it wasn't a complete lie, I did need the time.

"It's been three months." She whined.

"Drop it Tanya!" I snapped irritated. I sped up and left her in the empty hallway.

After a few more minutes of walking, I came up on Caius' office. I knocked and waited to be let in.

"Enter." Answered a bored voice. I pushed aside the door and stepped inside. Marcus nodded at me with a lazy expression. The same one he always had. I nodded in return. Then I looked at Caius as he sat up in his chair.

"How are you feeling, my boy?" He asked with a slight sneer.

"Fine. Thank you." I answered through gritted teeth, anger already coursing through me.

"That's great. Glad to see you're coming along so well. I have a job for you." He said getting right to the point. I waited for him to give further instructions.

"Our enemies are closing in on us, we need to create a little mayhem in order to get them off track." He proceeded.

I nodded, "What do you need me to do?"

A female voice behind me startled me, but I didn't turn to look. "There's a building in the middle of Seattle," Slowly a petite woman walked around me to stand next to Caius. Something inside my stomach burned. It was as if I'd swallowed lava. My insides seemed to be melting, and I had trouble hanging on to my self-control. The woman in front of me sent my instincts through the roof. Everything told me to attack. "It contains our worst enemies. Before we can eliminate them, we have to blind them." She smiled, and I resisted the urge to growl. Instead, I willed all expressions to abandon my face.

"Ma'am." I nodded.

"Mason Anthony, meet Renee Dwyer, our second in command. You remember Mason, don't you Renee?" Caius asked eyeing me warily. He was being cautious—about me, and I had no clue as to why.

"Of course, I'm terribly sorry to hear about your condition." She frowned sympathetically, making me want to strangle her.

"Thank you ma'am. I assure you, I'm fine." I answered calmly, if there was one thing, I had kept from what I assumed my older self, it was to keep my emotions inside.

She smiled, "Good."

Caius returned the attention to me, "Now here's what you have to do." He continued. I listened carefully, then set off to do as told. Something about that woman, Renee, did not sit well with me, I trusted no one here, but her. Her I knew I hated, I just had to remember why.

A/N Aaaaaaaaaaaaaand? What you think? I hope it was obvious who we're dealing with here, and maybe surprised you just a teensy bit at some point in here. So I'll work on the next chapter and it should have the same structure as this one. Let me know what you think, and if you have any suggestions, I'll be at the other end of my PM/ section. Thanks, see y'all soon.