All right, so I was watching What About Bob, Analyze That,Bridesmaids, and reading Who Put That Hair in my Toothbrush and playingDonkey Kong and somehow, I came up with this. Also looked up "Hilarious Car Chase" on Youtube and found a few that worked SO well as an example for this part of the story (Yes there is a third part I am working on).
Still no lemons, but some innuendos and a little bit of mentioned sex/sexual tension as you already read in the first part. STILL not a comedian—you're welcome cause I still SUCK at straight-up jokes.
ANYWAYS! Hope this is just as funny as the first but if it's not, again, I'm so NOT a comedian.
Note: I don't know of any phone company that actually does what Yugi's does but I liked the idea so it ended up popping in here.
Disclaimer: I so don't own anything Yu-Gi-Oh related.
The First Date
"Stop it," Yugi hissed softly, batting his fingers away.
For a brief second the warm tips of his slender appendages did not stroke at his elbow again but the next moment they were back and his lips pulled up into an involuntary grin at the tickling sensation, reaching over and swatting at his hand.
"Yami, knock it off."
The taller teen huffed and red eyes flickered towards the ceiling for a moment before drifting back; as soon as Yugi had started writing Yami's fingertips reached out and stroked, causing a small yelp of laughter to bubble up through his mouth as he jumped and dropped his pencil.
The entire class stopped short and, if not for the massive blush on Yugi's face, he would not have been implemented at all since the teacher hadn't been paying attention. But the red stain gave him away and the smaller teen found himself staring at his sheet awkwardly as the teacher snapped, "Mr. Motou, do you have a problem?"
He shook his head while others snickered and Yami lazily raised his hand, loudly announcing, "There's a cockroach in the corner over there—on the ceiling. I think you should really do something about that. Very unsanitary."
She whipped around and the class burst out laughing when she turned back with a furious glare, green eyes blazing in anger. "Mr. Sennen—"
"I thought you two were already on a first name basis, Mrs. Chono. I mean, you did try to date his dad and he did throw you down flat," someone else called out and Yugi's face turned bright red when he realized that Bakura had just inserted himself into the conversation; the other teen was playing with his pencil in visible boredom, an index on both ends, tilting it up and down and watching it without so much as a glance upwards. "Shit, I thought you were going to make a move on his mom when he ignored you the first two times."
Yugi found himself choking on his own saliva, startled by the comment and swallowing hard at the suddenness, at the implications, blushing more furiously and hoping that he didn't end up blurting things out as his natural reaction to nervousness bid he do so.
When he had first met the silver-haired teen, what had come out of his mouth was a simple, "Son of a bitch, there are more of you?" directed in a sharp tone towards his cousin who had his face in his palm as he shook his head.
And Malik's response had been crazier by far; when he'd spotted them Yugi had been hit in the forehead with a paper hornet that'd made him cry out in pain while Yami had awkwardly struggled not to laugh while trying to make sure he was okay. Yugi had assured him he was fine but had ended up laughing his ass off when Yami got hit in the face with one, straight between his eyes, with a small piece of plastic at the end coated with black permanent ink that soaked his skin and left him furious. It had taken twelve different tries to get it off and at one point Yami had tried to coax Yugi into taking his pants off—once with the statement "I heard that pee is highly acidic—it might be able to get it off" and another with "Maybe blowjobs will do it" and ended with "Son of a—Yugi, drop your fucking pants!"—while the smaller boy had cracked up and fought him off at every turn, the two of them ending up sprawled on the floor of the boys' bathroom, laughing with Yami trying to get his pants off and Yugi constantly moving his hands away.
It hadn't been too surprising considering that Yami had insinuated multiple times in front of everyone that they were dating and that they had participated in "hot wild monkey make up sex" in a fountain.
Yami had to be the most hormonal but sweet and annoyingly beautiful as well as pathetically frustrating teen Yugi had ever met. When Yami got nervous or lost his train of thought, somehow it always ended up becoming sexual, though he never really made moves to do much more than tease and poke him, prod until Yugi wanted to scream at him but could only laugh due to the heavy tension that would seep into the air between them.
"Mr.—"
"Oh please," the silver-haired teen snapped, rolling his eyes. "Don't even bother with the punishment act. I could not give less of a fucking shit. So how about you stop while you're still ahead and leave me alone?"
"What's wrong with him?" someone muttered softly and Yugi didn't realize it was him until dark coffee-brown eyes narrowed and flickered towards him in annoyance, blazing slightly before settling again.
"He and Malik are having a fight again," Yami explained quietly, reaching up and scratching at his chin. "But I have no idea about what."
"Oh…"
"Last time I checked, it was over something about Bakura hating checkers and Malik sucking at Uno. I don't know, but I honestly don't care. They get into it every other week," he murmured, waving his hand dismissively with a single lazy flick of his wrist.
The silver-haired teen smirked in amusement; so Yami actually didn't know. Good. He might actually win this bet then.
"Okay then," Yugi commented, trying to make his voice light as if he didn't care but knowing that intense feeling of curiosity that tore at his insides like razor blades. "Um…we're still…?"
It took him a moment to understand the question he had left unfinished but eventually his mind supplied him with it and a small but impossibly beautiful, bright smile crossed his face and claimed his lips.
"Yeah. We're still going out later."
He wasn't sure why he needed the confirmation. They had been planning it for a whole week now, but it definitely helped to dispel some of his disbelief that he was dating the other teen to hear it from his mouth for the perhaps twentieth time already.
But it never failed to amaze him and that flutter in his stomach never faded with the thought.
The two of them had met on accident in a mall in California. Yami had gone with his cousins and little sister on a business trip and Yugi had gone with his grandpa to see a family friend. Yami had chosen Yugi to be part of the distraction he was putting on to get his little sister Mana the purse she wanted that a woman was apparently "body-guarding with her life" as the blonde would say every time the story came up amongst the group.
The attraction had been rather instantaneous and far from deniable the moment they met, and that sexual tension between them remained no matter how hard they tried not to draw attention to it. When Yami kissed him, there were sparks on his tongue and his entire body felt overwhelmed with the pleasure of it all.
Even after a week, it was still just as intense as it was the first time.
And the entire week Yugi thought his face would be stained red forever because the teen had no filter and his thoughts were everywhere and when he got the words out of his mouth, half the time they were sexual and left him blushing so furiously he couldn't even think straight.
The first time he blushed after their little chance meeting in which Yugi had spent a month waiting for him to come back from the states, he had just met the family as a group aside from his parents who were out on a business trip. Instead it had been Yami taking him to his house to see Mana, Malik and Bakura while Seto and Mokuba came by later.
The first thing out of Seto's mouth after he and Mana had told the story about how they met had been, "Damn it, Yami, I thought we already explained this to you—you can't just go around fucking molesting people all the goddamned time!" to which Yami had snapped, "Hey, he was totally into it! I didn't do anything to him that he didn't want!"
The second had come a moment later when the argument of "Just because he kissed back doesn't mean he wants you to try to bed him" had broken out and the entire family had spent twenty minutes debating this in which Yugi had turned so red that he was pretty sure he was like a zit in outer space. He figured they could probably power up an entire city with the heat his face dealt with.
Then it was "At least I didn't try to kidnap him!" from Yami to Malik who sputtered, "Son of a bitch! I thought we weren't going to talk about that ever again!" while Bakura howled, "You better watch your little boy toy over there. I think Malik might get a few ideas!" and Seto snapped, "How the fuck am I related to you idiots?" then Mokuba asked, "Ideas? What kind of ideas? Seto, what does he mean by that?" which caused Yugi to blurt out, "I don't want to be kidnapped!" which had effectively halted all conversation and thrown them each into laughter while he groaned and covered his face, shaking his head at his own outburst.
Yugi didn't think he could even recount the times that he had blushed, there were so many. In just one day he must have been so red they could call Crayola and market the shade as a new color altogether. In two days he wondered if maybe he was going to burn his skin off. In three he fiddled with the idea that his skin would flake like a sunburn. In four he wondered the odds of dying of heat stroke induced by blushing. In five he contemplated the possibility of there being a cure for blushing online and then felt silly because blushing was hardly a disease and besides that, Yami seemed to love making him do so. In six he wanted to wring the red-eyed teen's neck because his face felt too hot and red for him to even function. In seven he seriously debated piling on tons of makeup to make sure his blush wasn't visible and thus making it impossible to give Yami reason to try to make him do it again.
He was just happy Yami was sweet about it. He at least didn't try to do it to drive him crazy but rather because it made him happy and because he knew that the teasing didn't bother him. He wasn't cruel about it but Yugi had to admit that blushing so constantly drove him insane half of the time and he knew that Yami knew that but still neither of them cared enough to fight over it.
He loved it when Yami smiled and Yami got the widest smile ever, like a million-watt bulb, whenever Yugi blushed. So, honestly, he couldn't complain but he commonly wondered at the possibility of having his blood pool under his cheeks and stay there forever if he wasn't careful and Yami didn't let up some.
But gods if that teen didn't make him so happy the blushing was actually worth it.
"Okay."
Yami raised an eyebrow but let it go nonetheless, instead smirking slightly before leaning forward and whispering, "And you know, I think I could get used to you being with me in public. Maybe to the point that you won't even care when I touch you all over…"
"Eep!" he squeaked, jumping a mile when he felt Yami's digits running along his side teasingly, his noise making everyone in class look over while Yami cracked up and the teacher stared blankly, Bakura pausing mid-snatch of his detention form to watch them.
"I really hope that isn't a sex noise," Yami teased softly, eyes sparkling like twin rubies and making his heart pound a little faster even as all of his blood shot to his cheeks in a wild red blush. "Because as much as I love it, I don't think 'eep' is the word I want you saying."
"Yami!" he groaned, covering his face with his hands and shaking his head, his palms burning with the rush of blood.
"That's it!" he laughed. "That's the word! There you go, Yugi!"
He couldn't stop himself from laughing slightly before reaching over and swatting his arm, making the other teen snicker; anyone else and he would have taken this entire encounter as some kind of show of possession, of Yugi being Yami's, but the teen didn't act that way and so he had no reason to pretend that he was.
"Okay, okay, I'll stop…" He snickered and caught Yugi's wrist in his hand, tracing at his pulse with his thumb and smirking widely.
"You better," he snapped, but his voice came out with an undertone of a whine that was curiously amusing to the other teen who grinned widely.
"I can't help how cute you are!" he objected. "Blame it on your parents. They're the ones who—"
He covered his mouth with his hand, knowing exactly where Yami was going with it, the statement of "I'm not the one who told them to fuck and make such a beautiful boy" was his most common excuse for touching him all over and making him squeal and laugh until he couldn't breathe anymore, nearly sobbing with his happiness and pleasure.
"Ssh, not in public," he muttered, blushing furiously when he was shot a few curious looks.
"But…oh fine," Yami mumbled around his fingers and Yugi recoiled when he pulled his hand away and stared at the line of saliva in his palm. "But only if you lick it off."
"Oh, what?" he squeaked, head snapping around as his face turned that much brighter.
Yami shook his head, laughing. "Just kidding. That's not what I want you to lick anyways."
Yugi groaned and threw his forehead into the desk, letting out a pitiful whining noise as Yami's name rolled off his tongue once more.
"You keep setting yourself up for this," he snickered, though his tone was gentle and far from even slightly malicious.
"Jerk."
"Me off. Yes, please."
"Yami!" he squeaked again, folding his arms and burying his face in them. "Stop it!"
"Okay, okay!" he laughed, sitting back in his seat and smirking as his cousin finally snatched the paper from her and wandered off, their teacher still too stunned by their little display to even really know that he had moved in the first place.
Nobody moved or spoke again until the bell rang and they started shuffling off for their next class; the odd thing was that, despite having six classes together, not once had Yami and Yugi interacted before.
It kind of made both of them wonder how they could have possibly missed each other the entire time.
Yugi was just lucky that most of the time none of his classes had seating arrangements unless the teacher moved them for being disruptive. Or for tests or something or other, so most of the time Yami could actually sit next to him and the two of them could hold hands under the desks if they were careful enough.
"Yami, hey, I—"
"Vivian, could you please go hump someone else's leg?" Yami drawled in annoyance while Yugi stopped short, opening his mouth once before clamping his hands over his lips to make sure he didn't blurt anything out again. "You're like a fucking hyena. Bitches always got to bring drama."
"Well that escalated quickly."
Yami and Vivian both looked at him with raised eyebrows, obviously surprised by his statement and Yugi smacked his forehead with the heel of his palm; dear gods, he hadn't meant to speak out loud again.
"I believe you already know why I don't like Vivian, Yugi," he muttered, nudging him with a small tap of his elbow to his arm that made Yugi snort in discomfort; those beady brown eyes were still staring him—he could feel them. He wondered if this was what it felt like for a wheel of cheese to be stared down by a hungry rat.
And then he remembered that cheese couldn't feel anything.
So then he felt stupid.
Which was why he folded his arms and threw his head into them, grabbing at his bang with his right index finger and pulling with a frustrated feeling.
"Sick?"
Yugi wished. "No. I'm okay. Please continue talking—"
"He doesn't need permission to talk to me," Vivian snapped at him coldly before her eyes settled on Yami again.
"Who the fuck are you to talk to him like that?" Yami spat, glaring. "Fuck off, Vivian."
"Yami, this is ridiculous. We used to be—"
"What? Friends?" he growled. "We were never friends, Vivian. You were in my class. I spoke to you twice—and one of them was just for an opinion on your favorite class for a survey, you dumb bitch. So no, let's think about this for a second—"
"You kissed me behind the bleachers—"
"I thought she kissed you," Yugi muttered in confusion, surprising himself once more with his own comment.
"Stay out of this," Vivian snapped. "You're not even involved in this conversation."
"That's my boyfriend you're talking to."
"Oh please, let's be serious, Yami, there's no way that you're gay."
Blue-violet eyes shot back and forth between them, chewing his cheek harshly so that blood soaked his tongue.
"Are you fucking daft?" Yami spat, rolling his eyes and reaching over to ruffle Yugi's hair in reassurance at the startled look he was giving him. "I like dick."
He choked on his own tongue and blushed furiously, reaching up to cover his mouth which was half-open in true shock.
"As in flesh that hangs between your legs and—"
The low screechy noise that shot through the air left him stunned and confused as to what the source was until both of them continued staring at him with dumbfounded expressions before Yami burst out laughing and Vivian curled her lip back in distaste.
"I highly doubt he has anything for you to blow on," she snapped.
Yami's laughter stopped abruptly and Yugi found himself really wishing he could fall through the floor as he made yet another choking sound before hitting his own chest several times with his fist.
"Right, but you probably do," the red-eyed teen drawled, propping his left elbow on the desk and putting his chin in his hand.
Her cheeks turned red with embarrassment and frustration and Yami waved a hand dismissively as his eyes flickered towards Yugi who tried not to choke on his tongue again.
"Yami, you're so full of shit—"
"I'm full of shit?" he snapped, getting up and glaring at her furiously. "You ambushed me behind the fucking bleachers! And then I told you off and you put on crocodile tears and made everyone think that I had hit you!"
"Oh my gods…he's abusive now."
Yugi covered his mouth but was gawking behind his hands, staring at Yami with wide eyes only to find that he was cracking up and did not look even slightly put off by the comment.
"Oh my Ra."
"Seriously? He's got like…fucking Turrets or something and you're over here pretending that he's perfectly okay?"
"That's not Turrets," Yami muttered, laughing harder before pausing and looking at Yugi with his lips pulled back in a grin like the Cheshire cat. "Hey, aibou, want to play a game?"
"Um…sure…?"
"Okay, so we're going to pretend to have Turrets."
"What? Why would we do that?"
"Because it's fun and this bitch just claimed that you have it. And if you can fake it then it proves that you don't have it."
"…Um…I'm not really sure that's how it works…"
Yami ignored this, instead screeching, "Snot-rocket!"
"Uh…stinky…cheese-dick?" he muttered, blushing because he couldn't think of how to progress with this game.
"You know, normally I think we're supposed to start out with the non-suggestive ones first, but I like how you roll," Yami teased, winking at him until his face turned fire-truck red and he couldn't tear his eyes away from his. "Dingle-berry face!"
"Ass-wipe!"
"Douche!"
"Slut bucket!"
"Shit face!"
"Whore face!"
"How can you have a face like a whore?" Yami commented quietly, furrowing his brows before looking at Vivian and snapping his fingers. "Good job, Yugi."
"Oh, oh—!" He covered his face with his hands, blushing furiously and Vivian glared at him angrily. "I didn't—"
"Sure you did," Yami drawled before he could get the words out and Yugi had the impulse to both laugh and swat him a couple of times but settled for blushing harder and shaking his head in denial. "Your turn aibou."
"I don't want to play this game anymore."
"Just one more, okay?"
If Yugi didn't care so much about him he would have snapped at him that he didn't want to anymore but instead he sucked in a deep breath and said, "Cunt!" in as loud a voice as he would allow himself to.
Yami recoiled like he had struck him and Yugi backtracked violently for a moment before blinking when the taller teen cried, "Ra, Yugi, how fucked up is that? I mean, why the hell would you just fucking call me by Vivian's middle name?!" in a horribly distressed voice.
Vivian gawked as did Yugi who blushed several shades of red both because of the insult and because his body was threatening to let loose his laughter and he really didn't want that to happen yet. Not with her right there. Plus it was so rude and he was raised to always be polite and, oh, this was horrible but he couldn't stop the impulse to laugh his ass off at the girl.
"Yami—"
"Vivian Cunt Wong. It sounds just so right, don't you think, Yugi?"
He didn't answer, instead clamping his teeth into his cheeks and staring at the desk in front of him pointedly; he would not open his mouth again. He refused to open his mouth again because he had no doubt that he would never make it out of this situation with his entire body still working and intact.
"So help me, Yami—"
"So help you, what, Vivian?" he snapped. "I'm not a hyena and I won't bow to your little whims you stupid bitch. I already told you the day you practically attacked me behind the bleachers that I didn't like you—at all—and you still didn't listen. So make a point to do it now. I am gay. And Yugi right here is my boyfriend. And if you don't back the fuck off, I swear I'll ruin you. Do we understand each other?"
Yugi wished he could melt into a puddle and disappear now as his skin crawled beneath the glare that Vivian shot him before she went back to her seat with a dark look at Yami as well, ignoring them both pointedly as she took a seat again.
He didn't encounter Vivian again until he was getting his things from his locker; Joey, Tristan and Tea were coming down the hall from their own lockers when she approached and threw him into the locker with a shove of her shoulder into his.
"Yami is still mine," she snapped at him as she passed, Yugi quiet and staring as he watched her go.
"What happened with her?" Joey demanded, rushing to his side.
"I, uh…nothing. She, uh…she's confused. Don't worry about it."
"Are you okay?" Tea asked softly.
"I'm fine," he said with a small smile. "She's just confused."
Did it count as confusion if she was delusional about someone else's sexuality?
He kind of had to wonder about that much.
"So, Yugi, what kind of movies do you like?" Yami announced as he slipped over to his side after the group had separated for Joey and Tristan to move along with Tea down the street while Yami's cousins and sister wandered off.
They had always been interrupted when the conversation came up before, mostly because Yugi's own friends had leaped at the chance to get to know Yami seeing as they were now dating. But sometimes it was because Yami's cousins decided to be somewhat annoying in their questions and would mess around with things they shouldn't have in the first place.
He blushed now, because they had decided to pick a movie when they got to the theater and would possibly catch dinner before or after that happened depending on the showing of the movie they chose.
"Um, I've kind of been told that I'm a pain in the ass with movies—I pick them apart a lot. But I like a lot of different genres…I guess I watch comedy more than anything though…"
Yami nodded once. "Well then, we're right up each other's alleys aibou," he chuckled. "Bakura and Malik refuse to go to movies with me anymore because of that now."
"Yami!"
He frowned at the tone to her voice. "Mana, what the hell are you shouting for?"
"Because it's about fucking time that you answered the phone!"
"Why are you even calling me? Bakura was supposed to pick you up from your dance lessons, not me."
"Bakura isn't here yet!"
"So maybe he's running a little late—aw fucking hell…"
"What? What happened?"
"Nothing. He's just…right here. In front of me—instead of picking you up from your dance lessons!" he commented loudly, making the silver-haired teen look up in surprise before realization dawned in his eyes and he ended up making a chortling laughing noise before rushing off for his car.
"All right, he'll be there in a few minutes. Don't—"
"Okay, thanks, bye now!"
Yami stared at his phone for a long minute and then shook his head in annoyance, rolling his eyes before crossing his arms and dropping his phone into his pocket. Well there went his ride to the movies. But that was okay. He could make it walking if nothing else happened.
But first he needed to get something to eat really fast and then he could get ready and meet up with Yugi for their date.
His insides tingled.
He was going on his first ever date. And with Yugi Motou of all people, his boyfriend.
The cutest little teen in all of Japan—and possibly the world—was his boyfriend.
Now he just had to figure out how to keep from doing something stupid—and he was known for being drawn into these stupid situations—and he was golden.
He let out a breath when he spotted Mana's hamster on the chest of drawers, because why the fuck was General Fluffy out of his cage? His eyes flickered around quickly, wondering where in the world Milky Way was and why General Fluffy was still alive at this point.
His eyes fell on the sleek black-and-silver-furred she-cat sitting a few feet away on her scratching post with perfect balance even as she licked up the entirety of her slender right foreleg.
Red eyes flickered towards white and ginger fur and his mind raced with possibilities because how the fuck did he get out of his cage again?
Okay, so if he moved slowly enough maybe he could get to General Fluffy without alerting Milky Way to the fact that he was right there; then again, if he went over to her and pet her some, she would melt like putty under his hand and purr and he could carry her downstairs and put her in the kitchen with some cat food and keep her busy.
But if he did that, he might miss it when General Fluffy started to move again.
Yami narrowed his eyes, looking between the two pets and then realized slowly that he could cover the stupid rat thing with the bug catcher he had and keep him there before taking his beautiful kitty downstairs and feed her, play a little with her and then get him back in his stupid cage.
The bug catcher, thankfully, was only a few inches away from the fuzz-ball in the first place; it only took one quick movement to get over there and slam the plastic container over the hamster who squeaked slightly while his cat froze and looked over with bright intelligent eyes that accompanied the sharp tilt of her dark black head. Her ears flicked, the predatory nature of the cat kicking in as she narrowed her eyes into slits and stared; Yami glanced at the hamster, at the random spots of bright ginger and white, frowning slightly before smirking when it ran straight into the plastic and then repeated on all four sides before just standing still in the middle of the little container.
Now Yami knew for a fact that if his weight hadn't been distributed to keep the cage down, the stupid thing would have gotten knocked over but he still turned his attention to Milky Way instead because if he stayed where he was she would be the one to attack that plastic a second later. The teen was careful to pull his weight away, making sure that it was not noticeable to the hamster before going over to the she-cat who acknowledged his approach with a stare before standing and arching her back, purring and stretching her left paw out.
Yami chuckled in amusement and reached out to pet her, feeling her fur shift beneath his fingers like silk as a purr rumbled through the small feline and he could tell she was hungry regardless; it was strange, but she had this weird habit of telling him when she was hungry at the exact same time every day, by stretching her paw out when he approached and melting into his embrace purely because she knew it would get her food.
His mom often said she was the smartest one in the house because of this, and half the time Yami agreed because his and Mana's habits for getting into idiotic situations was amazing. The craziness that always followed them around was astounding.
He plucked her off the carpet-covered cat-post and pulled her to him in order to hold her as if she were a baby, snickering when she continued purring and her tail flicked on his arm; he got her downstairs and placed her on the counter like he always did, watching her tail flick as he pulled out the can of cat food and undid the lid, grabbing the bowl from the cabinet and a fork to scoop it out.
She continued purring for a little while before rubbing against him and starting to eat; he dropped the fork into the sink and hurried upstairs, finding that General Fluffy had definitely knocked the bug catcher over and escaped. He had to admit that he had kind of wished the stupid hamster hadn't lived through it purely because then he wouldn't have to mess with finding it before Milky Way did.
Frustrated, the red-eyed teen crouched on the ground and peered under the dresser before his guts suddenly twisted and his stomach churned and his head turned towards the doorway slowly; oh gods, had that fucking rat scurried out of the room?
A groan passed through his lips as he sat up again and looked around; he couldn't have gotten very far, right? He was tiny. And he had zero sense of direction or survival or—oh Ra, he was going to be a pet murderer if he didn't get this little hairball back!
Now, how did one go about looking for a hamster?
He cursed under his breath; wasn't there something about flashlights or something or other he was supposed to do?
Yami huffed petulantly; why couldn't Mana have just gotten a fucking cat? At least that way he could just point a laser around the room and wait for it to come out and try to catch it…
A low whining sigh passed through him as he finally relented himself to finding the little creature, thinking for a long moment before peering under his bed and then glancing around curiously; if he was a hamster, where would he go…?
His eyes narrowed into slits. If he was a hamster…
Well, first of all, he'd look better than General Fluffy. Ginger and white was so ordinary it made his skin crawl. No, he'd want to look cool like Milky Way—black and silver, maybe with a little white on his little pink clawed paws. And of course he'd keep his eye color because there was no way he would swap red for beady brown.
Aside from that, he wouldn't have even gotten out in the first place because really, what was there to explore in this house? Mana practically took him all around there when she was home anyways. She liked to pretend he was as awesome as Milky Way was.
Yami snorted at the thought; as if that little fuzz-ball could ever compare to his magnificent kitten.
Red eyes scanned the room for a moment and impatience tapped at his senses. He didn't have all day for this; he had to meet up with Yugi for their date!
His stomach hummed with warmth but did nothing to help him out.
Hmm…okay, hadn't he seen a show where the guy had "become" the snake?
Oh yes, he knew he had.
Now what had he done?
Right, he'd "centered" himself, cleared his mind, focused on the snake, and then became the snake.
Yami could do that. He could definitely do that, because, why not? Why wouldn't he be able to?
He closed his eyes and pictured the hamster in his head. Ginger patches against white fur, beady brown eyes staring back at him, a large pinkish-tinted nose, clawed pinkish-tinted paws, little ears…
If he was General Fluffy, he would be…
In his cage, because that was where he fucking belonged and—no, no, no Yami, only General Fluffy.
For some reason that brought forth the idea of Mana dressing him up for Christmas, of the tiny little dark brown antlers she had put on his head and the red cape that had fallen across his back and Yami fell over laughing at the thought.
Fuck, the family photos with that little rat dressed up had been amazing.
He'd been in every one of them because his mom loved it, but that little thing had been weird in its little poses, occasionally pawing at his antlers or sometimes staring at the camera intently. But mostly it was hilarious because he had pooped in Mana's hand each time the camera went off.
Yami had laughed so hard he'd cried and rolled on the ground and Milky Way, who had been dressed in a simple bell around her sleek neck, had stared at him for a few minutes before jumping on his stomach and curling up while he was still surprised by her sudden appearance.
But Ra, if Mana hadn't gotten so whiny and mad about General Fluffy constantly pooping in her hands! When Bakura and Malik had come over only a few minutes later they had witnessed General Fluffy tinkling on Mana's arm when she went to move him into his cage; the two psychos had fallen over themselves in laughter and had practically guffawed when his mom clicked a picture and Mana screamed that he wouldn't stop pooping on her.
Oh shit, no, he would not ever want to be General Fluffy.
He let out a breath, still laughing, and listened hard; weren't those things known for squeaking?
Yami covered his face with his hand when he was hit with the sound of Yugi squeaking at the thought, trying hard not to snicker because this was far from a good time to think of him.
No, he needed to focus.
He needed to be the hamster.
A squeaking noise interrupted his thoughts and made him stare in confusion; what the fuck was that?
A groan slipped through his lips; of course he would forget that quickly, right?
He rolled his eyes in annoyance at his own thoughts and shook his head, peering under the bed and around again, listening and struggling not to just start throwing things out of his furniture and tossing said items around.
Because fuck him, he refused to have to clean that up.
And he was still confused about how exactly the fuzz-ball got into his room of all places. What kind of idiocy was this?
He narrowed his eyes slightly in annoyance before shaking his head.
Focus. He had to focus—the squeaking came again a little further away and this time he pinpointed it as out in the hallway, getting up and racing out there; it turned out to be a bad move to run so fast because the second he got out there he watched the tiny rodent go tumbling down the stairs with loud squeaks every impact.
His mouth fell open, begging to let loose his laughter, but fought off the impulse just long enough to go down after him; the second he got down there the little ball of fur tore off into the kitchen and all hell broke loose.
Milky Way shot forward and smacked the ball of fur straight across the room and leaped after him, springing on nimble paws while Yami tried to catch up with what was going on exactly.
Oh holy fuck—She wasn't even de-clawed!
But the hamster wasn't bleeding from what he could see…
Either way…
"Milky Way, no," he snapped at her; normally that tone of voice would make her look over at him and then step aside but now she instead busied herself with swatting General Fluffy away and leaping again. Both of them watched him sail under the gap beneath the fridge, Milky Way going over and reaching her paw under as he squeaked and Yami was pretty sure the little thing was probably relieving itself on the floor by this point.
He snickered at the thought but immediately groaned at the idea of it being hurt.
Mana would kill him…
He grabbed at the black and silver she-cat and she squirmed but didn't turn her claws on him; instead he managed to get her to the table and place her there before watching as she immediately leaped down and went back over.
A repeat of the action had her leaping again and the third time she gave him a look that clearly said, You know I'm going to go get that thing no matter how many times you put me up here, right?
Yami watched her as she clawed under the fridge again and his stomach twisted with the idea of what he planned to do, of the only thing he could think to do—he squeezed his eyes shut and forced himself not to look, grabbing the black device and pulling it until he couldn't anymore, pulling the trigger—
She let out a yowl like she'd been shot and he could hear her scrabbling, racing off, yowling again when he trailed it after her, still not looking; he only risked squinting through his right eye the second that he knew she was out of the room.
He dropped the sink hose back in place, muttering, "I'm sorry Milky Way, I didn't mean to" several times under his breath and almost wanting to cry at the idea of having sprayed his kitten with water before fighting it off and going over to the fridge.
Maybe if he sprayed under there…?
He winced.
The thing would probably drown if he did that.
The squeaking happened again a little away from him and he scrambled much like Milky Way had, struggling against the wet surface and falling on his stomach just as it disappeared under the sink.
Gods, he was going to kill Mana for picking this little thing as a pet.
"Here, General Fluffy. Come here, General Fluffy." He rolled his eyes; did hamsters even respond to their names? He didn't think so but with the way that Mana constantly talked to him, you would think he spoke back; he paused all movements, eyes widening. What a scary thought.
He shook it off and pulled the sink cabinet open all the way, peering into the darkness and frowning; what the fuck? When did they get so many things?
He looked at the detergents and snatched the Finish packs; so that was where they went! He had thought they were out. Oh good, because now he could pretend to wash the dishes on his chore nights and just drop them in the washer again.
Oh, life was beautiful!
He snatched the hamster suddenly, seeing his chance and seizing it as quickly as possible, but as he caught it and pulled it out, going to drop the metal case of soap back against the wood and close the door, he let out a yowl akin to his cat when the hamster bit him. An involuntary jerk of his hand sent the tiny animal catapulting through the air and into one of the open pantry's shelves.
"Oh shit!" he cried, hurrying over and peering into the pantry, searching but hearing nothing and nearly wailing in dismay when he could catch nothing of movement; had he killed it? Oh Ra, if he had killed it, Mana would never forgive him! And what if she told Yugi? If she told Yugi, he might just break up with him!
Yami wailed with the thought, a low keen noise that brought a squeak of alarm and a hiss that made his heart leap with joy. The little fucker was still alive!
He looked over towards the living room to find that Milky Way was actually sitting on top of the couch's backrest, watching him with narrowed eyes, tail lashing slightly; she didn't look as wet as he had thought, but she had probably gone to work with her tongue. He wouldn't be surprised; the only time he had ever given her a bath, she had licked herself dry in only five minutes, glaring at him petulantly for a couple of days with a lashing tail but overall okay.
His eyes turned back to his sister's rat's hiding place. He just had to figure out which shelf he was on and life would be grand. He could go on his date and be a happy little red-eyed Egyptian and just live life in bliss.
A small hum of approval escaped him as he leaned forward to start sorting through the spices; a spider in the back had him yelping and snatching his hand back, smacking straight into the upper shelf that came toppling down suddenly. The flour on the shelf exploded into the air just as Milky Way yowled almost as if in laughter and General Fluffy squeaked loudly and tore his way across the floor; Yami watched almost in slow motion as the black cat caught sight of him and leaped off the couch to the banister and onto the table, bunching her muscles as the flour-coated rodent started scurrying.
He grabbed the hose again, as quickly as possible, aiming, and then yelled in surprise when his cat yowled and tore out of the room and General Fluffy squeaked in one continuous cry and water slammed into his face in thick droplets. The fuck was going on?
He released but the suddenness of the movement shot water straight into his face in a massive stream and caused him to cry out, flailing his arms awkwardly as he jammed his hip into the counter and yelped in pain.
What the fuck?
The water turned off due to nothing holding the trigger and the red-eyed teen gawked at it in surprise before snatching it off the ground and realizing that in his haste he had jerked it too hard, dislocating the nozzle slightly.
But he didn't have time to fix it so he threw it back into its place and snatched General Fluffy off the ground, hurrying up the stairs before the stupid thing had time to gather its wits about having been half-drowned just moments before.
He dropped him into his cage easily and locked it, even putting several jewelry boxes in front of the door and growling out, "Don't you dare fucking move, you rodent! I swear I'll let Milky Way eat you!"
The stupid fuzz-ball turned and crawled onto the wheel and Yami nearly screamed in frustration at the audacity of the creature.
And, oh holy fuck, now he had to clean the kitchen and put the pantry back together and take a shower and…Life so sucked.
Yugi debated for a full twenty minutes whether to call him or not; his fingers constantly hovered over his contact, desperate to press, but he forced it off each time. No, he was being clingy and really desperate.
Yami would call him if anything came up.
Right?
Right.
…Right?
Yugi bit his lip and tossed the phone onto the bed next to him, putting his hands in his lap and struggling not to tremble with exhilaration before pulling his right forefinger to his teeth and tugging at his nail. Oh gods, he was going to cry if he didn't get his mind off of this soon!
Video games.
Yes, he'd use video games…
"Malik, I need help."
"Huh?"
"I said I need help. I need you…to drive me to the movie theater." He pinched the bridge of his nose, resisting the urge to curse under his breath. "I, um…overslept and needed to get ready and now I really need you to drive me."
He didn't like the purring. "Sure thing, cousin."
Yami looked at some flecks of flour caught under his nail and grimaced. The crap had set like cement and it was so hard to dig under there and get it all.
He wanted to cry half the time just looking at them; what was Yugi going to think if he saw this?!
He shook the thought off and dug through his backpack to pull his wallet out, checking twice and then a third time and a fourth before being completely satisfied with the idea of the amount of money in the little pouch of leather.
He spent ten minutes waiting and then lunged out the door with the speed of a bullet when he heard Bluebell in the driveway. Vaguely he wondered how Malik had gotten Bluebell but at the same time he was just so relieved that he couldn't care less.
"Drive," he snapped as soon as the belt was secured.
"What a greeting," the blond snorted, rolling his eyes but starting to back up the little blue Mazda regardless.
It was only five minutes into it that Yami felt his body tingling with awareness.
"What are you doing? Shit, Malik, the theater is—"
"Dude, calm down," he drawled, glancing at him sideways with a slightly put out but mostly amused look. "I know what I'm doing."
"But you turned the wrong way!"
"This is a shortcut."
Yami stared at him as if he had grown three extra heads and then narrowed his eyes into slits; a shortcut? Through the woods?
He was starting to feel almost like Red Riding Hood.
"Malik, I swear to Ra, if I am late—"
"Shortcut, not longcut," he interrupted, rolling his eyes with a smirk. "You need to pull that stick out of your ass. Live a little."
"I live plenty," he retorted, scowling. "But if I'm late for my first date, I will cut your balls off and string them on a necklace, get them bronzed and give them to your mother for a birthday present."
The blond made a sputtering noise. "You're fucking demented!"
"I'm related to you!"
Both of them were silent for a moment and then suddenly the car swerved; Yami's head snapped towards him, eyes wide in shock, crying out, "Malik, what the ever-loving fuck do you think you're doing?"
"Relax! I know how to drive!"
"Stop swerving like this!"
"The road curves randomly," he snickered.
"Are you shitting me?! The road is straight—"
"Not anymore!"
Yami let out a loud cry of shock as the car shot straight into the trees, moving across the grass and straw and making its blue body shake violently as it jumped every now and then with its movements.
"What the fuck are you—? Malik!" he seethed. "Why the hell would you—?"
"I told you it was a shortcut!"
"Yeah—on the road!"
"I never said that."
Yami's eye twitched to the point that it looked like he was trying to communicate with Morse code. "Y-you're fucking…You're—please—tell me—you're fucking shitting me right now!" he snarled.
"Pfft, calm down, Yami, we're almost to the other road—"
"Other road?"
"Well no shit, dingdong. Of course there's another road. I'm not that crazy!"
"Bullshit."
They hit the pavement too fast, swerving when Malik turned and the blond was laughing while Yami struggled to grip something, jerking violently in his seat.
There was a massive screeching noise and the car spun violently and Yami jerked forward with a sick snapping noise like the belt had broken but that made no sense because his lungs constricted with the impact of his chest against it…
It took fifteen minutes for him to regain consciousness; it took another five for him to realize that he could feel everything in his body. It took two more to figure out the noise, loud and irritating and making his ears ring, was the horn in which Malik was pressing his palm violently.
"Oh thank fuck," the blond commented, leaning over and grabbing his face, wincing but then smirking. "If that scars you'll be fucking Harry Potter."
Yami stared at him blankly. "What…what happened?"
Malik stared for a moment. "We were—"
Yami twisted away from him violently, struggling with the belt and door and stumbling out on weak legs that threatened to buckle as he vomited violently onto the grass, grabbing the door to keep himself steady.
"Aw fuck…"
The red-eyed teen managed to fight off a second bout in order to stumble a couple of steps back and then fall over on his ass in the grass, gawking; the entire back of Bluebell had been torn away—lying fifty feet away against a tree.
They'd crashed; okay, that much had been obvious, but when had he even gotten in the car in the first place?
Yami narrowed his eyes in confusion as his stomach twisted violently once more.
His fingers were trembling when he pulled the phone out of his jacket, dialing before his mind really connected with what he was doing. "…Help…?" he mumbled under his breath just as his name was spoken. "We crashed…"
"Take that fucking sea bitches!" Yugi crowed, jumping to his feet and laughing. "Nobody beats the swordfish, motherfuckers!"
His victory dance was cut short by the alarm on his phone going off.
Ooh, he had to go change and then he could meet Yami at the movies!
"All right, now turn."
The little dark green Toyota pulled up next to them and Yami tipped his head up from where he was leaning against a tree to keep from falling over or vomiting on the forest floor.
Mana was the first out of the car, hurrying over to his side and tilting his head up to look at confused red eyes before giggling when she spotted the torn skin on his forehead. "You know, if that scars, I'm going to call you Harry Potter."
"Mana!" another voice snapped.
"Seto?" Yami muttered, head spinning as he tried to get a grip on the situation, pain spiking with the sudden shift of reality for that split second before swallowing harshly and staring blankly as he stood on wobbly feet.
"Fuck no, moron," Bakura snapped, laughing until he almost couldn't stop due to the look of pure confusion that lined the red-eyed teen's face; he held up his phone and the older brunet missing from their circle of cousins appeared in front of him.
"Of course not, Yami," he scoffed, sitting back in his black leather lounge chair and folding his legs in front of him on the desk. "Who the fuck do you think I am? I don't have fucking time to run around looking for you guys because you got in a crash."
Yami blinked once, then twice, and then rubbed at the bump on his head, blinking again. "I'm so fucking confused right now," he muttered, shaking his head and staring, straining his neck to look at the phone and tilting his head curiously. "How are you here right now? Oh shit, was that Indian story true? Did someone capture your soul and trap you inside?"
Bakura covered his mouth, biting his knuckle to fight off his laughter, only partially concerned for his cousin because he knew that he had hit his head hard but he was pretty sure it wasn't as bad as he was trying to make it seem.
"Son of a bitch, Malik, did you drug him?" the brunet demanded.
"I should have!" the blond cried, throwing his hands up. "I can't believe I fucking forgot—"
"Can you feel this?" Yami asked, reaching out and tapping the glass where Seto was leaning forward, his finger touching the spot where he would have felt his forehead had it been them standing near each other.
"Okay, how hard did he hit his head?"
Mana stopped short and looked at her older brother curiously, frowning slightly as she moved to his side, startling him and making him stare in shock before pushing her away slightly. "Um…hmm…"
"I need a vacation," Seto grumbled under his breath.
Yami tilted his head and looked over at him again. "You know, I heard it's always nice weather in Hawaii…or um…was it Alaska? Which one is the warm one?"
"Well…at least he still knows the states."
"Yep," the red-eyed teen proclaimed proudly, smiling widely. "I do, I do! I've been to them too! It's where I met Yugi and we had hot monkey make up sex in a fountain at the m…Oh, fuck!"
Malik let out a protest of a shriek, crying out in pure pain as he started punching him violently in the shoulder, snarling in frustration even as Bakura howled with laughter and Mana giggled while their normally-impassive blue-eyed cousin smirked in vivid amusement.
"I'm going to be late! It's our first fucking date and I'm going to be late!" Yami cried angrily, slugging him again before his head started ringing too harshly for him to continue any longer. "If he breaks up with me over this, I'm buying black powder and your ass is going to be disintegrated when it explodes."
"…Isn't that shit illegal?"
"I have my connections."
All three of them shot looks at each other, contemplating the odds of it and snickering in unison when they realized that it was very possible that he did considering that he had said he actually knew how to grab hold of some mushrooms…
"I should have drugged him," Malik muttered, crossing his arms and shaking his head. "Things would be so much easier if I had just drugged him."
"Aw, is Malik afraid of a little ass kicking?" Bakura sneered.
"You fucking bitches," Yami spat, making them both stop short, "I'm going to lose my boyfriend and you two pieces of shit can't stop arguing for five seconds to help me out here?"
Both of them started to snap at him but then stopped when they saw the wild light that had entered his eyes; both of them nearly pissed themselves for a second. Fucking psychotic looking red-eyed demon.
"Oh my Ra!"
All three of them jerked towards the source of the noise, Yami moving first in a fast pace that made his head throb before he stopped in front of her; Mana was leaning against Bluebell's driver side window, tears in her eyes as she stroked at the smooth glass.
"My baby!"
Yami would have had something sharp and at the ready any other time but now instead stared blankly and then turned his attention towards Malik with a raised eyebrow.
"You destroyed my baby!"
"She acts like that shit is actually important," Seto muttered, rolling his eyes and making Yami turn his attention back towards him.
"I pissed myself! Do you see how angry I am? I pissed myself!" Mana cried loudly, angrily.
All of them had to stop and stare for a split second before cringing and turning away, shudders passing through each of their spines.
"Yami!" she cried, moving towards him.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, Mana, no," he snapped, holding his hands up. "Do not touch me. I don't need your excursions on me, Fluid Girl."
Bakura and Malik both started snickering, covering their mouths partly with no real movement but their hands beneath their noses in a motion almost as if they were rubbing them.
"Don't call me that! You always have bodily fluids on you in the middle of the night!"
Both of them were in stitches now, howling as they doubled over and nearly fell to the ground.
"That's different!" Yami protested hotly, feeling a small stream of heat hitting his cheeks at the topic of conversation. "Fucking wet dreams are normal! It's healthy! Peeing on yourself? Not so fucking much, Mana! I've never heard of someone pissing themselves because they're angry! Ra, Mana!"
"Yami—"
"No! Don't 'Yami' me! I'm a sexually repressed teenage boy! I am supposed to have erotic wet sex dreams!" he cried in annoyance. "It means everything is working properly, damn it!"
Malik and Bakura fell to the ground and Seto let out a noise of complete irritation at the phone being dropped and having to stare up at the sky.
"Someone pick up the fucking phone."
The two psychos continued rolling on the ground and Yami was still arguing with Mana, defending his habit of having wet dreams and both of them were starting to raise and lower their voices, but all of it ceased when he screamed, "Someone better pick up this fucking phone right now or I'm going to kill all four of you!"
Bakura and Malik scrambled but Yami got it before them, laughing when they ran into each other's shoulders in their effort to snatch it off the ground. "Serves you right, jackasses."
Both of them glared at him as they got up and dusted themselves off and when Yami glanced down he found Seto glaring as well but dismissed this as him being angry about being forgotten about when he could have been using his "valuable time" doing "more important things".
Ten minutes later they were moving down the highway—Yami was still unsure of why they had chosen to take this route when it would have been easier to just take the back one—when the police sirens went off and Yami couldn't understand what had happened until he saw the empty beer bottle Malik had at his mouth.
"Oh my fucking Ra!" he cried, throwing his hands up. "What the ever-lasting fuck is wrong with you?!"
"What? I'm just having a little fun!" the blond snickered, pretending to slow down on the side of the road; the police cruiser started to do the same when he sped up and ran the traffic light that the cars were waiting at.
The police officer shot forward but Malik seemed ready, twisting off the side and pulling over; the lights went off, but Yami could still hear the purr of the engine, gawking when he started to open the door and Malik gunned it.
"Are you shitting me right now?" Mana laughed, throwing her head back. "Dumbass! He should have known better!"
Bakura and Malik both cracked up at the statement, agreeing without words, and Yami peeked out of the back windshield, finding himself wanting to laugh but feeling incredibly horrible for the idea.
The second car came from the other direction and Yami was pretty sure they were going to crash but the car swerved and suddenly Malik pressed the brakes, making them jerk forward against the seatbelts as they spun somewhat before coming to a standstill. The original car came at them from the bumper, barely tapping it but making the car shift some with the suddenness of the action. The Toyota straightened to align correctly in the road while the cruiser in front of them stopped and backed up some. The second car gave them a love tap from the back as well and moved forward so that both cruisers were practically touching hoods.
Yami let out a sigh of annoyance, huffing and shaking his head, but ended up staring in shock when his blond cousin started the gas up again and slipped between the railing and the cruiser to spin some and give it a friendly tap to the front, spinning completely to face it with their wheels practically touching, twisting to touch the side of the car's body against the front of the cruiser.
They spun twice more, Yami surprised by the slow pace in which they moved and the fact that it took several seconds for the police officer they had been messing with to finally inch forward some; they moved forward just as the officer did, moving in opposite directions before twisting to body check the second car while the first nearly moved off into the railing.
They moved forward with the two cars, revving the engine noisily to the point that it grated on Yami's nerves, and then they tried to box them in again but Malik pressed backwards and turned the car to face the front, backing up and moving forward to press into the two cruisers' car doors. Finally the first car had to back away, giving them enough room to zoom forward and start racing down the road.
"Slow the fuck down!" Yami spat, clinging to the back of Bakura's seat with his nails and feeling his muscles lock slightly in preparation for another impact if he lost control of the car again.
"I got this," Malik laughed, pressing harder on the gas and speeding up some more, turning once in a small movement and then following it up with a longer, rounder turn before starting back towards the asphalt and feigning continuing into the grass on the other side before twisting around suddenly, going into the grass and then back onto the road and racing past the police officer.
Yami would have had his face in his palm if he hadn't been clinging for dear life to the silver-haired teen's chair when Malik leaned his chair all the way back until he couldn't see over the steering wheel.
"We're going to die tonight," Yami muttered under his breath, closing his eyes tightly and shaking his head against the leather.
"No we're not!" the blond scoffed, jerking his seat back up while Bakura burst out laughing; they sped down the street for several miles before he suddenly swung back around in a teardrop kind of turn and continued down the road again, passing the other three cars that had joined the first, weaving and ducking in the traffic for a moment before evening out and going in a straight line again. He shot for the next strip of road, passing over the grass and Yami felt his insides twist but considering his stomach was empty there was nothing left to throw up.
They started up the side and then turned in a complete circle, the blond maniac laughing from the front seat, to avoid the newest edition to the team of cops chasing them. Again the dark green car turned and twisted in a circle before speeding off down the strip of grass.
"I hate you. I hate you so much," Yami hissed under his breath, glowering and shaking his head. "Fucking asshole."
His words were drowned away under the sound of the engine as he revved it again and twisted around in a circle when they neared the railing, doing another circle to provoke another chase before speeding ahead again.
The cops were speeding towards him but Malik only snickered and pressed on the brakes, the two cop cars speeding past while he twisted the car to settle horizontal across the street to cut off the other two before speeding off again, weaving backward and racing past more of the cars.
The only good thing about this situation was that despite it all, somehow they were getting back towards Domino and Yami nearly cried with relief. Right before the police car shot into their bumper.
Malik burst out laughing, shouting, "You think that is going to stop me?!" out the window as his hand twisted the steering wheel so that the car spun but righted itself almost immediately.
"What the fuck?" Yami cried, gawking; he'd seen this kind of stuff in chase videos and that wasn't how it was supposed to go! For once in his life—okay, maybe it wasn't just this once because he was pretty sure there had to have been another point in his life—he was totally grateful for the blond idiot he was forced to call his cousin.
Another ram to the bumper sent them spinning but again somehow the blond managed to right them and race off again, twisting around in the grass and weaving through the cars, leading them several feet away and next to a garbage truck and into more congested traffic, shooting past them and making their way through the cars easily.
He wasn't sure if the police could do the same with the way that the cars were moving around them…
They got to the inside of Domino, towards the street near where he knew that it would lead to the Kame Game Shop, nearly jumping in his seat at the aspect; the theater wasn't too far away and if he could just—
"Why the fuck are you slowing down?" Yami screeched. But really that was a stupid question because obviously Malik was trying to avoid any actual casualties.
Aw fuck.
They came up out of nowhere; Yami was honestly stunned out of his mind when it happened, when the police cruiser that was sitting around on the corner suddenly started up with the sirens and chased them despite their slow speed.
"Pull over."
Yami flinched at the noise of it, annoyed, and threw his head back against the seat in frustration when Malik suddenly decided to listen; they were so close to the theater…
Well, at least they would be okay by the end of this. No one was hurt…
"Are you aware of why I pulled you over?"
"Because I pulled an OJ Simpson and made you all chase me across the freeway for the last three hours?" Malik snickered. "Or because I had a beer bottle and pretended I was drinking? Or because I lowered my seat all the way until I couldn't see anymore when I sped past one of you? Or maybe it was—"
"He totaled my car!" Mana wailed loudly.
Yami waited a second and then looked out of the windshield for a moment before his mouth fell open as he spotted Yugi standing in the front with his phone in his face, possibly calling him or maybe someone else; the red-eyed teen took off out the back door, crawling over Mana's lap to scramble out.
He was disoriented, yes, but not to the point that he couldn't take off running, screaming, "Yugi!" as loudly as he could; the police officer cried something along the lines of "Sir, what the hell are you doing? Get back in the car, sir."
Yami shot him a look and curled his lips slightly before turning back; Yugi was glancing around but due to the people who were now moving around, he couldn't see Yami at all, but it was obvious that he had heard him.
"Okay, you know what, if this is a bill collector, I honestly don't know why you keep calling here—I don't even have bills to pay!" Yugi cried in pure exasperation, throwing his free arm up. "So what the fuck do you have to collect in the first place?!"
Yami blinked a couple of times, surprised.
"Hello?"
"Uh…" Bakura nudged him hard in the ribs and he groaned out the breath he had been holding before clearing his throat awkwardly.
"Yami?" he muttered, stunned out of his mind for a split second. "What the hell are you…?"
"I—stop touching me!" he spat at the girl who had reached her leg through the bar and was rubbing it up and down his; both of his cousins doubled over laughing and Mana groaned in frustration, shaking her head. "Fucking—Yugi, little one, whatever you do, please don't hang up."
He was quiet for a second. "Yami, I'm not going to hang up," he assured him though the displeasure was clear in his tone. "As much as I would love to, first of all I deserve an explanation and I won't leave you alone without one, and second, I think I'm nearing two thousand points on my phone for using it so often. Two thousand and I get three free apps! So, yeah, keep talking."
Yami blinked and then let out a small breath both of belief and complete incredulousness.
"Wait a second, where are you calling from anyways? This obviously isn't your phone or it would have come up on my ID…"
"I'm, um…in…jail?"
Yugi stayed silent for a long moment. "Are you messing with me right now? Because if this was some kind of elaborate plan to stand me up and then bring me back in so you could make fun of me—"
"No, no, Yugi, I'm literally in jail!" Yami cut him off desperately, glaring at the girl and thinking of stomping on her foot but realizing that she could probably find a way to squeeze that gorilla body of hers out of that cage and maul him. And he would really love to keep his face intact. Most people thought it was rather beautiful… "Um…do you—fuck me, uh…No, no, Gorilla Face, stay back!"
Bakura and Malik fell over themselves laughing and Mana burst into giggles, covering her mouth with tears in her eyes while the woman behind the bars stared in shock and then kicked him roughly in the shin.
"Fucking—!"
"Yami!" Yugi cried, distressed by the awkwardness of it all. "What the hell is going on?"
"This woman keeps touching me! And she has so much fucking hair on her face and chest that she looks like a goddamned gorilla! Yeah, bitch, I said it! You look like a gorilla! King Kong has nothing on the fucking pelt you have going on over there!"
The small teen smacked his forehead with the heel of his palm, shaking his head. "Yami, don't antagonize the cellmates. For fuck's sake, that's how you get murdered in your sleep!" he whined. "And I look like you! What if she doesn't realize I'm not you and tries to kill me instead?"
Yami stopped short, blinking and then gawking. "Oh my Ra, Yugi!" he cried, annoyed and slightly despaired with the comment. "You're so conceited!"
"Really, Yami? You're calling me from a jail—which, by the way, you only get one call and I have to say I'm kind of touched that you chose to call me instead of Seto or your parents—and you're fucking calling me conceited? How exactly does that work?"
"Bakura, Malik and Mana are here. Bakura actually had Seto on video chat when we got arrested so he's already coming down here," he explained quietly, frowning. "I called you because I didn't want you to think that I was standing you up. Shit, I—Yugi, I swear on my life if this bitch does not stop touching me you're going to be completely boyfriend-less because I am about to murder her!"
He couldn't stop laughing, shaking his head and smiling widely. "Oh my gods, Yami," he giggled, biting his lip and looking down the street from the theater for a second. "Don't do that because how fucked up would that be? I can't date a prison inmate. You know how much my mom would hate you?"
For a moment he couldn't think of anything to say but the sensation of her foot rubbing his leg snapped him back into thought and he kicked out, struggling to get away only to end up with another leg stroking at him. "Oh kill me now! These fucking harlots are all over the place!"
Bakura and Malik dissolved into tears and Mana struggled to stay upright.
"Yami, you need to relax a lit—Oh my gods, I hit two thousand! Fuck yes! Three free apps, bitches!" he crowed loudly, startling several people who stopped short on their way inside the theater to stare at him before shaking their heads at him in complete annoyance at his behavior.
Because obviously he was such an inconvenience to their night. He rolled his eyes; half of them probably wished they had their phones out to record him. Because who didn't want the proof of a wild teenager shouting about free apps on their phone?
He shot them looks that sent them scurrying and prided himself on managing to make himself look completely scary instead of adorable like Yami always teased him. Because apparently he was too damn cute to be intimidating.
And now he could rub this in his face.
He trembled with excitement at the thought, just for a split second, and then remembered the whole reason they were talking, blushing as he blurted out, "Oh god, sorry, Yami" only to blush harder when he heard that his boyfriend was in stitches. "Um…I-I'll be there in a few—where exactly…?"
"Down the street from the theater, actually," he managed to bite out between his laughs, wheezing with the effort and letting out a massive breath. "It, uh…Malik got us pulled over a block away."
Yugi blinked wide eyes. So he hadn't been hearing things when he had thought he heard Yami's voice calling his name before. "Oh…um…well, uh…okay, I'll be there in a few minutes. Just—don't kill anyone in the meantime and just swap places with Malik or something."
"Oh my Ra, Yugi, you're a fucking genius!"
He opened his mouth to say something or other but ended up laughing when Malik's voice cried, "What the fuck are you doing? No, what—ew, don't fucking touch me!" right before the phone was hung up.
Ten minutes later he entered the station with Seto actually only two feet in front of him; oddly he had the impulse to reach out and touch him purely because he had never thought he would be up close to a celebrity like this but managed to fight it off at the last second, instead putting his hands in his pockets and watching him as he approached his cousins, shaking his head.
"Yugi!" Yami cried, ignoring the brunet and starting to get up before remembering the cuff around his wrist, pouting as he sat back again and watched his cousin glance over his shoulder at the smaller boy who blushed and ducked his head slightly, walking around him to approach him.
"The fuck?" Malik snapped, gawking.
"Told you, bitch!" Bakura crowed. "I fucking told you!"
"Told him what?" Yami demanded, furious. "You two fucking—tell me it's not what I think it is or I swear I'm going to tear you both new ones!"
"Whoa, whoa, I'm sure it's not what you're thinking!" Bakura barked, holding his hands up awkwardly when he felt the cuff restrain him. "Nothing bad."
"You set this up. To see if Yugi and I would stay together if I missed a date with him."
"Okay, maybe it's exactly what you're thinking," he chuckled with a slight clearing of his throat, twisting away from Yami who kicked at him violently, angrily, only to hit Malik across the back of his head with his free hand.
Yugi guessed this was probably why they were all separated like this in a square just barely within each other's reach, as if they knew that they might start fighting if they weren't held away effectively.
"You know, I still think we should have just locked him in the trunk for a few hours."
Yugi blinked once, long and slow, staring blankly before turning his head towards Yami who rubbed his temples and snapped, "Goddamn it, Malik, could you just—That's a joke!"
The smallest teen in their group thought for a long moment and then blurted out, "Dog versus guy, right? You lock them both in the trunk and then see if they're still happy to see you after you let them out, right?"
Yami was openly gawking at him while Bakura doubled over laughing and Malik stared before clapping a hand on his back, snickering as he announced, "I love this kid" and Mana giggled, covering her mouth and shaking her head.
It took twenty minutes for Seto to talk them out of the charges and it was pointed out that on several occasions Malik had been pulled over for wild stunts in which they had all grown used to this kind of thing. In all honesty, half of the police unit nodded and snorted, snickering as they went about whatever it was they were doing.
Yugi had to wait around for them to undo Yami's cuffs and he had laughed when Yami attacked Malik and then Bakura before getting restrained with the threat of being cuffed again if he couldn't behave. The scolding seemed like that of a three-year-old and Yugi had ended up guffawing at the idea.
But he had to admit, three-year-old Yami was super cute.
"I'm sorry, Yugi," he muttered, sighing and shaking his head as they finally moved towards the black Mercedes that Seto had parked off to the side, the blue-eyed teen listening to Malik and Bakura talk about their little high-then-low speed chase while Mana continued crying about her "precious Bluebell".
"It's not your fault," he laughed dismissively, smiling despite the fact that Yami wouldn't look at him and instead opted for a stare at the ground. "You didn't know what they were going to do."
"I should have though. They were arguing and neither of them pulled me into the middle of it like they always do. That should have been sign enough."
"No offense, Yami, but I think that even if you had made it and we got to see the movie, we would probably end up picking popcorn and half-eaten candy out of our hair," he giggled.
"But I ruined our first date!" he cried, reaching up and pulling at his hair; Yugi reached out to pull his hands away but even then Yami wouldn't look up at him, instead completely blank as he continued staring at the ground.
"This wasn't our first date," Yugi murmured, laughing at him as he went from staring at the ground with a frustrated glare to an awed wide-eyed look of shock. "Yami, you never asked me if I thought the meal at the mall was our first date."
He opened and closed his mouth once and then twice before gawking openly.
"Son of a bitch…"
"Although, if you stand me up—ever—and don't have a real reason, I swear I'm going to hurt you," he said sweetly, batting his eyes playfully while Yami blinked once and then smirked in amusement.
"Yeah, that won't be happening again."
"Oh, and uh, by the way…"
"Yeah?"
Yugi reached over and rubbed at the split skin on his forehead. "I don't like Harry Potter."
Yami blinked once and then grabbed at the skin on his forehead, willing it to heal quickly and without scars. "Oh gods…"
The smaller teen grinned at the small blush that was appearing under his skin. "But I'll make an exception."
His lips pulled up into a grin and he was purring when the other boy pressed a kiss to his cheek.
"But you might end up having to put makeup on that if it scars. I really don't like Harry Potter, Yami."
Yami couldn't help but burst out laughing.
So…? Thoughts? Just as funny and cute or not so much?