"I can explain."

"Save your breath."

"My breath's worth wasting this time."

It's like a different person has taken over me. The man I know doesn't confront. That man doesn't beg, nor does he fight back. But tonight, not sorting through what's happened would be so cruel I have no choice. She has to know that I didn't choose her as a second string -a backup.

My wife sits in the kitchen, her back turned. Arms crossed. Mouth drawn tight. The look in her eyes makes my children flee and myself head to the bakery for some sanity.

"You don't have to listen," I say tentatively. "But I'm going to say it anyway."

"Who are you kidding? You don't ever say anything."

"Well, now I am. Because… Because Peeta was wrong."

There's a long silence. I'm not sure she's still breathing.

"And you expect me to believe that and fling myself into your arms crying tears of joy?" my wife says dryly. "I guess you are a star-crossed lover yourself."

"Everyone's a star crossed lover," I tell her quietly. "That's what the Capitol doesn't understand. Any real love had to be fought for. Has to withstand the ups and downs of this world. It's not just those kids. It's all of us. Every single person living here in Panem."

She turns slightly, eyeing me out of the corner of her eye. Maybe she's checking to make sure I didn't write that down beforehand. "And you think that our relationship is real love?"

"It doesn't matter what I think," I sigh. "Because it takes two to make this work."

"See, you always avoid the question. You talk in circles! Do you love me?" Only now does to face me completely, holding my wavering gaze with her hawk-like eyes. Underneath the years of suffering, I see a tinge of the girl who defiantly ignored what the other kids whispered about her and her brother. Nobodies. Community home kids. Not really merchant but not Seam. Misfits.

My answer seems like it should be a lot more poetic. Maybe ending in a flourish of some sort. But my voice only sounds weary when I speak.

"I loved the woman you once were."

"Well, she's gone. And so you're telling me that Peeta just made up that story? Even he's not that good."

"No, he was spot on," I admit. "I did tell him that. But I was only reminiscing. I was drawn to that woman for a very long time, but it changed when I met you."

"See, that's the problem. If you truly loved her, you can't move on just like that. She was always the one the boys talked about. Everyone liked her. She always had plenty of friends."

"And you have spirit that I never will."

This takes her by surprise. My wife stops. "It's not spirit," she mutters. "It's temper."

"It was spirit at one point. And now it's anger. You've … You've done things I can't ever forgive. But I understand why you make those mistakes. You were never taught how to care for someone really. It's my fault for being too scared to confront you about it until now." I pause to gather myself. "You've hurt our children. And it's wrong. It's my job to defend them and from now on, I will. I can let you hurt them anymore."

"I," she pauses. I don't think we've had a conversation of like this for at least eighteen years. "You- I'm not going to change. You can't fix this. I'm not dough- you can't put me back together. If you can't learn to -"

"No, I can't fix this. But we can learn fill in the gaps that each other has. It's the only way this will work out. You've changed over the years and I know I have too. So we need to understand who we are now in order to rekindle what we had."

It's like I'm back in the Justice Building with Peeta right after he finished releasing his feelings about me. After calling me coward. I've essentially just told my wife that she's gotten abusive over the years and needs to look at how she's showing up. This time, it's me who's let go of the years of resentment and disappointment. And again, I don't know how she'll respond.

"I can't ever go back to who I was. And you can't change who I've become. But I'm willing to go into this as one knowing that I need to… go a little easier on people. But you have to help me instead of holing up inside the bakery."

I nod. Life is messy and it's damaging beyond belief. But I truly believe that's why people are here on this earth. To learn, to make mistakes, and most importantly, to help each other in any way that we can. As I embrace my wife for the first time in a long, long time, I remember why I used to look forward to her hugs. Heat can either burn or warm you. And tonight, it's warmer than the fire on a winter's night