"All the Dauntless leaders were arrested last night and sentenced to death for conspiring with Jeanine Matthews and other Erudite members to overthrow Abnegation." I slowly repeat the entire story my dad relayed to Tobias and me this morning for Christina. We sit in silence as she mulls over what I just told her.
"Overthrow Abnegation?" she says. "Why would they do that?"
"Maybe they want to be the faction that runs the government. Who knows what was going through Jeanine's mind. According to my dad, this was all her doing. I'm not sure we'll ever know why. I'm just glad it was stopped," I say. "There's something else I need to talk to you about. I need this to be just between you and me, okay?"
"This sounds serious, Tris. What is it?" she asks, nodding her head at me.
"I'd like your advice. Max recommended Four and me for leader positions, and we were offered the jobs this morning by the government council members," I say.
"That's great news," Christina says. I search her face for deception but there isn't any to be found.
"Christina, I know Four would make a great leader but what do I know about being a leader? I've only been in Dauntless for like five minutes. Technically, I'm still an initiate. Don't you think that makes me too young?" I ask with a sigh.
"You know I can't make this decision for you but I'll tell you what I think. Remember our first day when I commented on how young Eric was for being a Dauntless leader, and Four said age doesn't matter here? I was skeptical thinking someone so young could be an efficient leader, and he wasn't a good leader, not at all. But Eric isn't a bad leader because he's 18; he's a bad leader because he's a ruthless asshole who doesn't care about anything or anyone but himself. Leading doesn't have anything to do with a number, Tris. It has to do with what a person is made of," she says confidently. "You are totally different than you were when you jumped on the train that first day. You're strong. You're brave. You're not afraid to stand up for what you believe in. For me, that's the definition of a leader. Plus, it's a great opportunity to change things you don't like about Dauntless. Just think back to our initiation, not being able to concede during fights, so many made factionless for not living up to merciless standards, and what Eric did to me and to you." I relive Eric making Christina hang over the chasm for five minutes and Four throw knives at me, and a shudder moves through my body. A leader should never do something like that. That's bullying not leading. "You'll be a great leader, Tris, if that's what you decide to do."
"Thank you, Christina," I say. "You've given me a lot to think about. We better get going. I promised Four I would meet him for dinner at six."
We hurry to jump on the approaching train and head back to the compound. I think about the job offer and whether it's something I really want or not. When the train reaches our jumping off point, I notice Tobias pacing outside the compound.
I look at Christina and ask, "Are we late?"
"No, we're early, I think." We jump off the train and walk toward Tobias.
"See you two later," she says. "Remember what I said, Tris."
"Bye, thanks." I give her a quick hug then turn my full attention to Tobias. "I thought we were meeting in the cafeteria?" I notice his form fitting t-shirt is adhered to his body with sweat.
"We were but I just finished a run so I thought I'd meet you," he says. "Did you have a nice afternoon?"
"I did actually," I say, surprise coloring my voice. I guess I didn't think I'd have a good time. "I asked Christina her opinion about our ... proposition, and she gave me a lot to think about. We can talk more about it after supper."
"Why don't we get dinner, take it to my place, and talk?"
"That sounds like a great idea. I'm going to go to the dorm and pick up some clothes then I'll get us some food. You go and take a shower. I'll meet you in a little while."
"Planning on staying tonight?" he asks with a grin on his face. I hold my head up high even though butterflies are now swarming in my stomach.
"Yes, I am," I say before raising up on my tiptoes and placing a soft kiss on his lips, being extra careful not to touch his sweat-drenched skin. "I'll meet you at your apartment."
"Okay," he says.
I decide to put all my clothes and toiletries into the black and red Dauntless backpack I was given my first day. I only have a few outfits that still fit me. I hope he doesn't read anything into this. I just feel incomplete without my few belongings.
After I go to the cafeteria and get two plates of food, I feel excitement bubbling up inside. I didn't realize how much I missed Tobias this afternoon. I practically run to his apartment. I knock on his door, and he immediately opens it for me. When I walk into his apartment, I notice a welcome addition; a large dark gray microfiber couch is now where the desk sat. The desk has been moved into the corner by the kitchenette. I turn to look at Tobias.
"I can't believe you actually bought a couch!" I say, handing him his plate.
"I told you I want you to be comfortable when you're here. I meant it." He sits down on the couch and pats the seat next to him. I sit down, and we eat supper while I tell him about my afternoon with Christina. When we're finished, he throws our plates away and gets us each a water from the mini fridge then sets them down on the floor beside the couch.
"Can we talk about this morning?" I ask as he sits down beside me. "Are you okay? I was worried."
"I'm okay now. You helped me through," he says reaching out and taking my hands in his. "I couldn't believe my eyes when I walked into that room and Marcus was standing there. I never thought I'd see him again. At least that was my hope. Immediately I felt like that scared, abused kid again, and I just shut down. I'm not proud of my reaction. I was a coward."
"You were in shock, Tobias, not a coward." He gives me a grave look.
"I couldn't think. I could barely breathe." He shakes his head, covers his face with his hands, and takes a deep breath. I run my fingers through his hair until he looks at me.
"You chose to leave that life behind. A coward never would have done that. It was a very brave thing to do. I know, I made the same decision." I take his face in between my hands and look deeply into his dark blue eyes. "You're the bravest man I know. Don't let him make you think less of yourself." Suddenly his mouth is on mine, and he kisses me with such passion. I move my hands down to his neck then wrap my arms around him and tangle my fingers in his hair. I'm feeling brave so I move to straddle his lap just like I did on the train. He groans against my open mouth. He wraps his arms around me and holds me tight. I tilt my head back slightly to catch my breath, and he places light kisses along my jawline down to the sensitive spot just beneath my left ear. I shiver and pull myself nearer to him. We are so close we're almost sharing the same space. I pull his mouth back to mine and kiss him with a new hunger. He moves one hand up into my hair and slips the other just under the hem of my shirt and caresses the bare skin of my lower back. We get lost in each other. His hand moves higher up my back and fear starts to spread. I gently untangle my hands from his hair, lower them to his shoulders, and lean back slightly. We're both breathless. I slowly slide off his lap and move across the couch but leave my feet resting on his leg.
"May I ask you something?" I inquire after my breathing returns to normal.
"Of course," he says, gently rubbing my feet.
"When I woke up from my nap this morning you seemed more," what's the word I'm looking for, "relaxed. Why is that?"
"First, I decided I wasn't going to let fear of my father dictate what I do from now on. I've done that for far too long as it is," he says, resolve in his eyes. Then an affectionate look settles on his face and he says, "Second, you woke up and told me not to look sad, you would take care of me, and no one would ever hurt me again."
"Wow," I say with wide eyes. "I don't remember saying any of that, but it's true. I'll never let anyone hurt you." We sit in silence for a while just enjoying each other's company.
"What do you think of your dad's offer?" he asks after a while.
"I'm still having trouble equating myself with a Dauntless leader. I've been here for such a short amount of time, Tobias. What do I know about leading Dauntless members? I don't even know what being a Dauntless member means," I say with a sigh. "Christina gave me some things to think about. She thinks I can do it and help make Dauntless a better place."
"I've been here over two years now, Tris, and I don't know anything about leading. It's something we would learn together and, together, I believe we can do anything," he says with conviction in his voice. "I have something I need to tell you." He takes a drink of his water then looks directly into my eyes. "I had every intention of leaving Dauntless after initiation was over and become factionless." I gasp at his confession. "I believe Dauntless has lost its way, and I thought leaving was my only way out of a situation that just wasn't working for me anymore. Then I met you. Almost immediately I couldn't stand the thought of leaving you. Once I realized we felt the same way about each other I could see making a life here with you and just ignoring what it is I hate about this place." I can only stare at him while I listen to his confession. "Tris, meeting you gave me new hope, and this situation with the leaders has given me even more hope. I happen to agree with Christina. I believe Dauntless can be restored to what it once was. I want to be a part of that, and I want you to help me." Strong emotions I've never felt before swim through me. He wants to build a life with me. He wants to lead Dauntless with me by his side. Am I ready for all this? Is he ready for this?
"Do you really think that's a good idea?" I still have my doubts but they're becoming smaller by the minute.
"Absolutely. You have changed my life so profoundly. You make me want to be a better man, and you bring out the best in me. Like I said, together we will be unstoppable." I slide across the couch and hug him. I can't believe he has so much faith in me. I single tear escapes and slides down my face. I let go of him and wipe the moisture from my cheek, hoping he doesn't see.
"Thank you for believing in me," I say.
"You should believe in yourself more. You can do this. I have no doubt." I believe him. His faith in me seems unshakable.
"Okay, Tobias. I'm in." He springs up off the couch and grabs me up in his arms and spins me around. I've never seen him freer than I have in this moment.
When he sits me back on my feet he says, "I want to know what Abnegation expects of us before we say yes though. Are they going to give brand new leaders free reign, or are there going to be expectations they haven't shared with us yet. I refuse to be Marcus' Dauntless mouth piece."
"That's good thinking," I say. "Do you have any ideas for Dauntless?"
"Remember talking about teamwork when we were climbing the Ferris wheel?" he asks.
"Yes," I say, although I remember so much more about that night.
"Teamwork used to be a priority. Dauntless members used to work together not against each another. Now it seems like it's every man for himself."
"Every man?" I tease, raising an eyebrow.
"And woman! Teamwork needs to become priority one. We need to help each other. We also need to stop the recklessness. Sometimes I feel like I live with two-year-old adrenaline junkies instead of responsible adults. There's a difference between bravery and stupidity." He really has been thinking about this. "A few years before I arrived, Max and the other leaders changed the training to make it more lethal. Last year they took the option to concede away. Then this year they limited the number of initiates who become members. They also started asking people to leave Dauntless sooner than they used to."
"Asking people to leave?" I say, interrupting. Then I remember not seeing any elderly people around the Pit. "They kick people out of Dauntless because they get old? That's terrible. Can that be changed?"
"I don't know. I would like to. I don't relish the thought of making good Dauntless members factionless just because they're getting slower."
"You sound like you've been thinking about this for a while," I say.
"I didn't know I had been thinking about any of this at all until your dad's offer brought all these ideas into my head. I only thought I'd decided to leave." I can't help but smile at his excitement. It's infectious.
"How about we watch a movie and relax for the rest of the night?" I ask.
"That sounds like a great idea. I'll pick a movie and you get ready for bed. The things you wore last night are on the dresser," he says as he gets up. I have something of my own to wear but I feel closer to him in his clothes. It has been a long day so I take his shorts and t-shirt into the bathroom and take a quick shower, letting the water wash the stress down the drain. I quickly dress and meet him on the couch to watch the movie but immediately fall asleep the moment I snuggle up against his left side.