The Distraction

by YamiYugiPuzzleshipper

Yami would do anything for his little sister Mana so when she sees a purse she wants but can't have, he comes up with the perfect distraction involving the cutest boy he has ever seen.

6. New Year's Dilemma

And, this is our last update until Valentine's Day unless I find something else to throw in here in the meantime...

Warning! There is a small bit of jokes about religions and such but nothing too horrible, and it shouldn't offend anyone. I just wanted to play around a little and it definitely worked. So just remember that no offense was meant and have fun.

Disclaimer: I do NOT own Yu-Gi-Oh. At. ALL.

The Distraction New Year's Dilemma

"Why would you use weapons?" Yami spat as he backed up into the kitchen; Yugi sat up from his spot on the couch, eyes wide as Mana followed him, purse in hands, swinging it at him. Her older brother caught it in his hand and jerked her off balance, throwing it aside and glaring. "Goddamn it, Mana."

"I will slap—"

"'I will slap the hell out of you'," he mimicked cruelly, sneering. "Bullshit, Mana. Touch me and you'll remember why you gave up on arguments with me when we were younger."

Yugi's mouth fell open; was he actually threatening her? Oh gods, what if he started hitting her? Was that domestic abuse or something? Or was it nothing because they were family? Oh gods, what was he supposed to do?

Mana seethed and spat, "I smell stank!" as she stepped closer.

"Get out of my face, Mana."

"'Get out of my face'," she sneered back; Yami reached forward and Yugi thought for a second that he was going to shove her but instead he forced her backwards with an easy straightening of his arms. The blonde let out a loud screeching noise and grabbed at his arms, going to smack them away, but stopped short when Yami caught onto her shirt and jacket.

"Want me to tear your leather?" he snapped, narrowing his eyes which she could see were shining with pure laughter. "I swear I'll do it."

"You wouldn't—"

"I would. I definitely would. You have no idea how much I've been wanting to tear it up anyways—"

"Don't touch my clothes!"

"Don't stink up the bathroom!"

"I didn't stink up the bathroom! You did!"

"Me? Fuck that! It was all you!"

"You're the one with obnoxious gas!"

"So full of shit, aren't you?"

She stepped forward so that they were in each other's faces again, snapping, "I didn't stink up the bathroom! You stunk up the bathroom!"

Yami burst out laughing and pushed her away again. "Get out of my face, Mana."

"'Get out of my face'—"

"Keep pushing, Mana, I swear to Ra, I'm going to—"

"Newsflash, Yami, we're not—"

"You think I won't—"

"I know you—"

Yami grabbed her and pushed her hard enough that she stumbled and fell. The taller teen sprang immediately and she yelped loudly, more shocked than scared, and Yugi opened and closed his mouth in horror. What if they actually started fighting and drew blood or—?

His eyes nearly popped out of his head when Yami pinned her with her arms over her head with one hand, neatly seated on her back while she screamed loudly for their parents and her brother shouted for them not to come. Yugi opened and closed his mouth and fell off the couch cushions when here was a loud sound like gas being passed. Mana screamed louder and begged for him to get off but Yami didn't look even phased at her noise, instead shifting to pin her more effectively when she thrashed.

"Mom! Dad! He's doing it again!" she screamed angrily, trying to push him away again while Yami pressed his back against the wall and repeated his punishment.

"Help me!" she screeched so loudly that Yugi flinched and the entire room seemed to shake for a second; the smaller teen pressed his mouth into the back of his hand, biting into the skin to keep from simultaneously laughing and crying. How weird was this?!

And so early in the morning!

The ambassador and his wife came down the stairs after a long minute, obviously not having wanted to be called into the situation, and both siblings froze and looked at them for a second; Mana tried to push her brother off again but Yami merely pressed his weight into her once more and farted louder.

"Goddamn it," his father sighed.

His mother burst out laughing like she always had whenever she had witnessed Yami taking it upon himself to punish his little sister when they were younger. "And here I was thinking that you two had matured."

"Your mistake," Yami scoffed, glancing at his sister and smirking when she screamed again. "You would think I had explosive diarrhea or something with the way she's going like that. Fucking banshee."

"You must have had some if she was beating you up with a purse over it!" Yugi argued, still staring in shock and trying not laugh at the way that Mana and Yami both blinked at him.

"He stunk up the bathroom!"

"I didn't do jack shit!"

"You say that…after farting on your little sister…"

Yami narrowed his eyes at his boyfriend. "Hush you."

"Yami, get off!" Mana snarled, trying to push herself up some and yelping when her brother spun on her.

"Stop struggling or I swear I'll summon some explosive diarrhea and coat you with it!" the red-eyed teen snapped at his sister who froze and looked at him with wide eyes, horrified out of her mind while Yugi furrowed his brows, mumbling, "I don't think that's how that works."

"Stay over there with your common sense," Yami stated, pointing at him. "It has no power here!"

Yugi raised a brow but smiled and shook his head anyways; such a strange boyfriend, but at least he wasn't hurting her or anything. And aside from that, the threat of explosive diarrhea…that didn't seem as perfectly legitimate as Yami was trying to make it.

In fact, he was almost two hundred percent sure that wasn't how explosive diarrhea worked…

"Yami, please get off your sister…"

"You see what MTV did to them? I swear, they were normal before we let them start watching that kind of shit," Aknamkanon snorted, rolling his eyes and sighing.

"Oh come on, Aky, it isn't too horrible," she giggled, gesturing. "I mean, at least he's not beating her up or anything. So, obviously he was only mildly influenced by MTV."

"Please, at the pumpkin patch he went to that poor boy and told him that girls kept their lies in their vaginas."

Yami and Mana both snickered while Yugi bit his knuckle to keep from crying from laughing so hard; he remembered that poor boy's red face and the way that the ambassador had gone off about it all being MTV's fault.

"And he called his cat Satan—fucking Satan."

"…Just Satan."

Both of his parents looked at Yugi for a moment and the ambassador sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose and shaking his head while the small teen blushed and glanced at the siblings who smirked and snickered.

"This boy over here."

"Satan is very pretty!"

"Goddamn it."

"Yes, she is, isn't she?" his mom murmured with a small smile of reassurance that her husband wasn't at all unhappy with him. "Very beautiful cat."

"Damn straight," Yami agreed immediately.

"She's a stupid cat," Mana snapped, screaming when Yami farted out loud on her again. "Stop!"

"Don't diss on my cat. Never diss on my cat. You're just fucking jealous because your hamster is useless and stupid and ugly as all fuck and no one gives a shit about him and—"

"Language," his mother chided.

"I am using proper Japanese, mother," Yami said with a small sweet smile in her direction. "So, really, I am very mindful of my language."

"Such a smartass child. How did we raise him to be like this?"

"For once, I agree that it must have been MTV."

"About time that you admitted it!"

"I made a mistake allowing him to see those shows. I apologize."

"You're forgiven."

"Your parents are awesome."

"I know," Yami agreed, nodding before glancing at his sister with narrowed eyes. "You should stop moving so much. I mean, if you keep trying to drag yourself away, I swear I'm going to let it rip so badly that your leather will never be the same again."

The blonde froze and looked at her brother and all Yugi could think was that those farts had to be atomic; when all of them burst out laughing and glanced at him he realized immediately that he had spoken out loud.

"They are, little one. Very much so atomic," he murmured, waggling his ass over his sister's back, smirking widely. "This is why Mana never argues with me anymore but she seems to have forgotten that."

"We're not seven anymore!" the blonde cried, glaring at him angrily.

"You think because we're older that this has stopped?" he snorted, narrowing his eyes again. "No, my dear little sister, things don't happen like that."

"You would think they would," Yugi commented suddenly.

Both of them glanced at him and Mana snorted, "If that was true, he wouldn't be such a little pervert."

"God, Yami, when the fuck did you start molesting everyone?" Yugi cried without thinking.

His parents burst out laughing and Yami gawked at him while Mana wiped at her eyes, laughing and turning red in the face, glancing at her brother who still looked stunned by his outburst before hissing, "Gods, why are you all such fucking assholes like this? I wasn't doing this before!"

"I don't believe you at all!" Yugi said immediately. "You molested me in public! I wasn't your first victim!"

"Victim my ass! You were all for it and you know it!"

"I—I—Yeah, okay…" he admitted, nodding slightly; he had been pretty for it, unless he was remembering it incorrectly. "But you kept touching me and it—it gets confusing when someone is molesting you out of nowhere! I couldn't even consider thinking about protest!"

Yami's parents snickered and shook their heads, watching him as he blushed and bit his lip, Yami and Mana both smirking slightly; his boyfriend tilted his head and then commented, "You're easily distracted, aren't you?"

"Lonely hands wandering over my skin does that," he mumbled, flushing violently and then ducking his head.

"I better be the only one with lonely hands on your skin!" Yami said immediately, bristling and narrowing his eyes into slits. "I swear if Espa or Timaeus—"

"There was no Espa and Timaeus's hair was fucking glorious!"

"You take it back about his hair."

"Never."

Yami glared and tilted his head, hissing, "I should fart on you too."

"Abuse!" Yugi screeched, pointing at him and then sitting up straighter, eyes widening drastically. "Abuse! That's why you touch me so much and molest me so often!"

"Goddamn it, Yami," his father sighed, shaking his head. "Stop touching him like that if he doesn't want you to!"

"But I like it when he touches me," Yugi objected immediately, blinking and blushing when they all started snickering. "I just—so much and…It's so conflicting!"

Yami wiped at his eyes and the smaller boy ducked his head, trying to fold into the couch as Mana laughed, "You've molested him so much that he can't function properly anymore!"

"I know, it's a beauty, isn't it? The effect of touching and—"

"I need an adult!"

"My parents are adults," Mana offered.

"The other kind of adults."

Yami sputtered, cracking up as his sister wiggled her way out from under him only when he finally rolled his eyes and let her; the red-eyed teen took a seat immediately after and the blonde scrambled out of the room.

"I didn't know there was another kind of adult."

"The serious kind!"

Yami threw his head back, laughing until he was red-faced, and his sister came back down a few moments later with a completely new outfit on, glaring at the red-eyed teen for a second before turning back to her parents.

"I need the serious kind of adult."

"The need for an adult is starting to intensify," Yami chuckled.

"Such need," Yugi agreed, nodding vigorously, rocking slightly with wide eyes on him.

"On a scale of one to ten, how badly do you need a serious adult, Yugi?"

"Two million!"

All four of them burst out laughing and shook their heads at each other; Yami found himself focusing on his sister suddenly, asking, "Wait, why the fuck didn't you take a goddamned shower?"

"God, Yami, fuck off," she grumbled, huffing and then wandering into the kitchen to grab a bowl and some cereal; the red-eyed teen narrowed his gaze and snapped, "Did you not fucking learn from your previous punishment? I will summon some goddamned explosive diarrhea and shit on you, bitch."

"God fucking damn it," the ambassador sighed, shaking his head in annoyance and closing his eyes for a moment. "This is why we shouldn't have exposed them to the TV or internet at any point in their lives. Goddamn it."

"He started farting on his sister before MTV, honey."

"Gods, what the fuck did you teach these children?"

"Crazy things, apparently."

Yugi narrowed his eyes slightly; wasn't this the point where most mothers would have been offended? He thought that was what always happened when someone said something like that.

"I need nourishment," Yami announced, jumping to his feet as well and gesturing Yugi over, the smaller boy jumping up and biting his cheek hard to keep from saying he needed an adult again as soon as he stepped into the kitchen because Mana was eating her cereal and trying to keep Yami away from the box.

"Bitch, give me my food," he snarled, snatching it from her and whacking her upside the head with it a second later when she wasn't paying attention.

"Yami!" she snapped, about to ague with him when Yugi blurted out, "I say that all the time and he insists it's a sex noise!"

Yami choked and then scrunched his eyes shut for a moment before turning his head and whispering, "Ssh, little one, just…just relax and get ready for some breakfast, okay?"

Yugi opened and closed his mouth and turned his attention back to the bowl in front of him, taking the box from him and pouring some of the little puffs in and following it up with soymilk, staring at the carton for a moment.

"You all drink this?"

"Yes, why…?"

Yugi poked his finger into his shoulder. "I thought you were the only vegetarian and stuff. I mean, why would all of you drink soymilk if you're the only one who's a vegetarian?"

"Because, actually, soymilk…kind of tastes better," Mana admitted slowly, as if speaking to someone mental; when he looked at her for a second and then tilted his head in confusion, she found herself sighing loudly. "Wow, you really are slow when you wake up, huh?"

Yami glared at his sister for a second and then glanced at his boyfriend; that was true, however, because he had only been awake about thirty minutes and they had been sitting on the couch with him suggesting some plans for the day in which the smaller boy had been all mumbles of "Okay, we can do that" or "Ooh, ooh, that sounds fun" or "That…sounds like a really awkward sex position, honestly" when none of the mentioned statements were even slightly relevant to the conversation.

Beautiful little bastard was so cute and lost when he first woke up.

"Fuck off and go take a shower," Yami snorted, rolling his eyes and staring in confusion when he found that his bowl was filled with milk; he glanced at his boyfriend in surprise, the smaller boy smiling at him brightly before turning back to his bowl and taking a small spoonful of it.

"I'll take a shower in an hour, okay?" she snapped, rolling her eyes and going back to her cereal while her brother turned his head fully to stare at her, messing with his spoon idly as Yugi continued munching on his puffs of peanut butter and chocolate, grabbing the box and pouring some more immediately.

Both of them glanced at him in surprise for a split second before turning away again, the red-eyed teen turning away again and saying, "How about you take one…now?"

"An. Hour. Yami."

Yami stared at her for a long moment and then Yugi put his spoon down, eyes wide as he turned his head, that predominant little instinct inside of him saying that shit was about to go down just as his boyfriend grabbed Mana's bowl and dumped the cereal over her head, snarling, "Go take a fucking shower now!"

Mana leaped to her feet, gawking, and then huffed and threw a few pieces of her breakfast at his face while Yami jumped up and glared at her; both their parents sighed and shook their heads.

"I don't want to take a shower now because you stunk up the fucking bathroom! It'll take hours for that stench to go away!"

"Oh my fucking Ra, I took a piss earlier," Yami snarled. "I never stunk up the goddamned bathroom! Now go take a shower, damn it!"

"Fuck you, you stunk it up and now it's disgusting and it'll seep into my hair and my skin and I'll never get it the fuck out again!"

"Bullshit! Bleach if you have to, bitch! Just get the fuck out of here, please?"

"I don't want that stench seeping into me! Gods, it's worse than the fucking poison gas they use during wars!"

Yugi stared in confusion; Yami had been with him all day—well, the whole hour…if it had even been an hour; he was still too asleep to judge how long it had been—since they had woken up and the only time he had actually left him was to go pee first and then go upstairs for a second to check on Satan.

"Ra-damn it, you idiots! I did it! I stunk up the fucking bathroom," their dad snarled. "Accusing each other and then pinning his sister down and practically shitting on her back, this is all MTV's influence."

"The great mystery of the day has been solved," Yugi whispered next to Yami who blinked and looked over at him curiously. "So no more fighting."

"You so don't know siblings," he snickered, kissing his temple once and turning away again. "I am so sorry you're disillusioned into thinking this will be our only fight."

"But…but…you just farted on her back and dumped cereal over her head and you…how is this…? I don't understand!"

"Ssh, ssh, it's okay. Eat breakfast and then just let it absorb a little and you'll be perfectly good again," Yami soothed, reaching over and ruffling his hair with a small nod. "You just need a little brain-food just like you needed sleep at the airport and you'll be okay."

Yugi opened and closed his mouth, first to say that he was still tired and maybe he just needed some more sleep but then his stomach growled and he glanced at his bowl and went about grabbing a spoonful, and then thought maybe he should just give him a Snickers bar because it always worked in the commercials. After all, even Godzilla had been cranky and given a Snickers bar and then instantly cool again and riding that jet-ski all happily across the water.

He smacked his lips together around the peanut butter and chocolate puffs of cereal and smiled at his boyfriend when he snickered, but ended up mumbling, "I need a nap" anyways while Yami chuckled and nodded slightly.

"Oh, yeah, I can see that in your eyes," he snorted, smiling widely before turning back to his dad. "By the way, that shit is gross."

"It was a shit. It's supposed to be gross. And stink. The fuck do you expect is going to come out of your ass? It's a bunch of heated up cell waste and you expect it to smell good?" he scoffed, rolling his eyes in annoyance.

"I think that would be expecting too much," Yugi admitted around his cereal. "Far too much."

"We are so going back to sleep after this," Yami snorted, chuckling.

"Hold me," Yugi mumbled a few minutes later when they had settled back on the taller teen's bed, the red-eyed boy snuggled into his pillow next to him; Yami blinked his eyes open and looked at him for a moment.

"It's hot."

"What?" he asked, confused as he stared at him for a moment, eyes widening drastically as he whispered, "Oh no. Did I upset you earlier? I didn't mean to. I like it when you touch me…It's very nice. I didn't mean to offend you. I…Please snuggle with me?"

Yami chuckled, eyes shining with laughter, and shook his head before pressing a small kiss to his forehead. "Of course I'm not offended," he snorted, rolling his eyes. "I'm honestly just hot, so hold on for a moment, please?"

Yugi nodded slowly, licking his lips, and watched as the taller teen sat up and pulled his shirt off, pulling the tank top back down to cover his skin again even as Yugi's eyes grew insanely wide and he reached out to run his fingers over his skin after bunching up the hem of his shirt again.

"You have really smooth skin," he muttered quietly, blinking and then looking at his face again, eyes still insanely wide. "I like it."

Yami burst out laughing, shaking his head and moving to pull him straight into him, slipping his legs around his and hugging him tightly. "Better?"

"You aren't going to molest me in my sleep right?"

"Don't try to restrain my lonely hands."

Yugi blinked and then looked down at his arms around him for a split second before turning back. "Do it when I'm awake," he yawned, snuggling into him and burying his face into his neck. "It's more fun when I can enjoy it."

"Oh, so it hasn't magically seeped into your dreams when I molest you while you're asleep?"

Yugi pulled back, eyes wide and owlish again, whispering, "Does that happen?"

"Me molesting you or the dream thing?"

"The dreams, Yami! I already know about the molestation!"

Yami snickered and shook his head. "I don't know yet. We'll have to test it out some time."

"Oh, okay…but not today. I don't want to wake up from a dream about you molesting me again."

"Again?" the taller teen echoed, eyes widening.

"You do it a lot in my dreams too…"

Yami opened his mouth to laugh at him, but the smaller teen was fast asleep already, face in his neck and grip tight as he clung to his shirt and kept their legs intertwined, his breaths making his skin tingle and a shiver pass through him for a moment before he settled to sleep as well.

Ten minutes later Yugi woke up to Yami coming back from the bathroom, the smaller boy blinking a few times and then mumbling, "Boy nipples are weird" as soon as the other teen got to his side and went to get on the mattress, eyebrows shooting up.

Was he saying that he didn't want to play with his nipples?

Yugi smacked his lips. "Girl nipples are weird."

Yami stared at him blankly. How the fuck did he know what girl nipples looked like?

The smaller boy moved closer, sitting up and whispering in his ear, "The word nipples is weird."

So…was he for or against nipples?

Yugi's eyes widened drastically suddenly, blinking and reaching over to pull his shirt up, staring at his nipples while Yami gawked and felt his face burn to the point that he was kind of scared of scar tissue.

"Sensitive chest raisins," Yugi whispered softly.

Oh fucking hell…

Yami gently grabbed at his shoulders and pushed him back just enough that they were staring into each other's eyes. "Little one, no. Just…just no," he stated softly, shaking his head slowly. "We don't call them that."

Yugi blinked and then slowly glanced up at his face again before looking back. "Okay…" He paused and yawned again, reaching out to wrap his arms around him. "I'm still tired."

"No shit."

"Very shit."

Yami snickered and shook his head, pulling him back to the mattress and snuggling into him, rubbing at his back until he fell asleep again; his poor, sweet little aibou was just too cute sometimes.

---

"Ssh!" Yugi cried, trying to bat away his hands and listen more fully to his music, attempting to ignore him and continue with the songs that were playing; Yami pursed his lips and tickled him again, making him yelp and jump, trying to grab at his hands. "Yami, I'm trying to have an eargasm!"

Yami frozen next to him, staring until his eyes burned when he finally blinked, Yugi going completely still at his side and then slowly looking at him and swallowing hard, whispering, "Please tell me I didn't just…"

"Eargasm. Ear. Gasm."

"It's…an orgasm…for your ears…"

Yami narrowed his eyes. "Lies!"

"No! That's what it—"

"You're cheating on me with music."

"Yami, an eargasm isn't—"

"I'm the only one who should be giving you anything 'gasm' related," he huffed, crossing his arms and glaring at him unhappily while the blue-violet-eyed teen felt his cheeks heating in embarrassment; for a moment they both just stared at each other and then, finally, Yugi went about trying to at least say something.

"But…but I like eargasms! You can't take them away from me!"

…And that just had to be what he blurted out, didn't it?

Yami stared at him for a long moment and then leaned forward, narrowing his eyes and whispering, "I could give you eargasms like you've never imagined" as he pulled the earphone out and reached over to do the same with the other, taking them and the iPod and settling it on the other side of the couch.

Yugi furrowed his brows and gave him a confused look. "Eargasms, Yami."

The taller teen shifted closer and moved his mouth to his ear, dropping his voice into a sultry purr of "My eargasms will give you orgasms."

The smaller boy shivered, because yep, Yami was definitely starting to prove that statement right; he swallowed hard, blinking twice, and then swallowed hard around a whimper of, "Oh my gods."

Yami snickered and licked the shell of his ear, the smaller boy quivering and whining in the back of his throat as he pulled back, laughing in delight. "And I didn't even have to touch you the first time!"

This was so uncomfortable…

"Yami," he mumbled, blushing harder and swallowing as he glanced at him awkwardly.

"Mmhmm?" Yami chuckled smugly, grinning widely and watching him curiously.

"…Do you…do you have…some, um…n-new…?"

Oh gods, he couldn't ask it all the way.

"…New…?"

Yugi winced and scrunched his face up in pure embarrassment at the confusion that made up Yami's expression; he wondered if he could make himself smaller if he bunched up his limbs but that would have been so much more uncomfortable and he didn't want that to happen…

Because…oh, ew…

"Um…s-spare…?"

Oh, please, Yami had to know what that meant or else life was just too cruel; surely the red-eyed teen knew what that meant. He was extremely smart and observant and it shouldn't have been so hard for him to understand what he was asking.

Please understand what he was asking…

Yami took a single second, blinking. "Spare…? Oh! Oh!" A playful smirk crossed his face, eyebrows waggling in pure amusement as they looked at each other and Yugi wondered if his face would explode from the heat. "Ooh, so sensitive, little one."

"Yami!" he squeaked, pushing him away and awkwardly jumping to his feet; the taller teen did a good job of keeping his eyes on his face whereas someone else would have been staring at the telltale wet spot making up the crotch of his pants.

"Do you realize how much fun we're going to have when we finally have sex?" he snickered, purring and getting to his feet as well. "I can't wait."

Yugi wanted to bury his face in his shirt but he wanted to push him away at the same time, and found himself instead settling for chewing his lip and whining Yami's name again.

"Okay, okay," the other boy chuckled, smiling widely with a small laugh as he leaned forward to kiss his cheek. "Yeah, come on. We'll go get you some new boxers and…"

Yugi blinked when he trailed off, opening his mouth to ask what he meant only to see the excitement in those bright red eyes, question answered immediately as he blurted out, "Can I watch?"

His eyes nearly popped out of his head. "Yami!"

"Does my name count as yes or no?"

"It's sticky!" Yugi cried, shifting awkwardly and glaring at him with slightly watery eyes.

"Ra…" Yami groaned, the word curling upwards into a whine in the back of his throat.

The smaller boy whined in response, grabbing his arm and shaking it slightly to get his mind out of the gutter, the red-eyed teen staring at him with glazed over eyes for a split second. "I—it's uncomfortable, Yami."

Yami blinked once and licked his lips to keep from admitting to the fact that he had experienced the same problems a few times before when Yugi had sat in his lap. "Yeah, uh…"

Oh, but that image of Yugi in his underwear was driving him insane.

"Oh, right! Uh…go ahead and go upstairs. I'll, uh"—his voice cracked, growing high-pitched and squeaky but rough around the edges, startling both of them—"meet you up there."

Yugi couldn't bite back the loud squeak that came out of his mouth, shocked out of his mind as he turned and ran upstairs, blushing so harshly that he was pretty sure he could replace a stoplight.

Yami watched him go, groaning under his breath, and mumbled, "Fucking Ra…" before sighing and shaking his head, running after him.

This sucked.

Two days after Christmas and he was getting a little bit of his wish…

He stepped into his room just as Yugi vanished into the bathroom; the taller teen wondered what pants he had grabbed now that his own were somewhat…soiled. Vaguely he wondered if he should throw them into the washer with some of his other clothes and then give them to him when they went through the dryer, but at the same time he didn't think it was going to happen.

He felt like Yugi might be too embarrassed if that happened.

When the smaller boy came out, he found him in his favorite gray-black skinny jeans, the bottoms bunched up some at the beginning of his shoes but the rest sculpting his body rather well, and for a moment Yami wanted to moan, because now he was kind of too horny…

"We should stop pretending that pants are even necessary," he announced, turning to him with eager eyes that made him blush and duck his head. "It's time we progress past the rest of our society!"

"Yami…"

"Fine, fine…but, on the bright side…"

Yugi raised his head only enough to look at him through his long lashes.

"An orgasm a day keeps the stress away!"

He blinked once, blushed harder, and then pursed his lips and turned away, grumbling, "Pervert's guide to happiness."

"Yes!" he exclaimed immediately, pointing at him. "It is! It is my fucking guide!"

Yugi smiled and shook his head, tilting his head before grinning just a little wider and glancing at his boyfriend before both of them froze when they heard the door open loudly, the sound of footsteps far too noisy for either of them to focus on or even attempt a conversation anymore.

"Probably Bakura and Malik," Yami commented with a roll of his eyes, gesturing for him to follow and leading the way down the stairs; both of them could hear the two cousins bickering but the moment they stepped into the kitchen and they turned towards him, the look-alikes froze in place with wide eyes.

Both of them were covering their faces and some of their forehead was extremely red and irritated and looked almost as if it might blister at any point.

"What the fuck happened to you two?"

Bakura hissed and kept his hands over his face while Malik groaned out, "We were going through the stuff in the attic and we ran across some condoms and lubricant."

"I already don't like where this is going," Yami muttered, shuddering as Yugi elbowed him in the ribs.

"And this idiot convinced me it was a good idea to fill up the condoms with the lubricant and put them in the microwave," Bakura snarled, glaring at the blond, "so when it beeped, this dumb fuck over here decided to poke them with a pin. And the burning lubricant sprayed on us and it felt like Satan had just ejaculated on our faces."

Yami threw his head back, laughing, and Yugi gawked before covering his mouth as he started cracking up; both of the newcomers glared at each other and continued rubbing at their faces, frustrated beyond belief.

"It's not funny," Bakura snarled, rubbing harshly. "It's not fucking funny at all!"

"That's hilarious," Yugi argued, blushing and laughing harder. "'It felt like Satan ejaculated on our faces.'"

"Shit!" Yami choked out, doubling over.

"Oh my god, I don't think it gets better than that."

"Says you!" Malik snapped, groaning and rubbing his face again. "You're such fucking assholes."

"You should get some ice for those burns," Yami snorted, gesturing towards the fridge and nearly falling over himself when he burst out laughing again.

"Fuck me," Bakura spat, going over and grabbing a bag of frozen peas and pressing it into his face completely, moaning softly in pure pleasure at the feeling.

"Goddamn it, Bakura, you have to lower your genius level. You've just fucking hit quadruple digits. Never go quadruple digits," Yami said, shaking his head firmly. "This is the result when you allow Malik to make you hit quadruple digits."

"Never," he agreed, nodding rigorously. "I will not go quadruple digits with my genius level. Ever again."

"Wait, so no one gives a fuck about my genius level?" Malik snapped suddenly, eyes wide when they had remained silent for a long minute.

"No, why would we?" Yami scoffed, shaking his head. "You're not as…complex as Bakura when he does something stupid. All it takes to make you feel better is a pat on the head and something sympathetic like, 'Oh, it's okay' but with him, he gets all whiny and bitchy and you have to be quick about making him feel good again and destroying any urge he might have to continue his behavior. You…on the other hand…well…you just don't ever learn anyways."

"Exactly!" the silver-haired teen stated immediately. "Except the whiny and bitchy part."

"Oh no, you get whiny and bitchy," his red-eyed cousin stated.

"I do not get whiny and bitchy!"

"Yes, Bakura, you do."

"No, I fucking don't!"

"Bitch, please, you have got to be kidding me. You always have and you always will."

"I don't—"

"It…kind of sounds like whining and bitching to me," Yugi commented suddenly.

"And there you have it," Yami said, gesturing vaguely. "You are officially whining and bitching."

"Fucking assholes. Tell me you wouldn't be whining and bitching if you had Satan ejaculate on your face!"

"There's a such thing as pride," the red-eyed teen stated slowly, "you should learn to get some."

Yugi suddenly blinked and looked at them with wide eyes, staring first at Yami's hands and then his own before asking, "Hey, um…what do you even do with your hands during sex?"

His boyfriend opened his mouth to reply but stopped short and turned to his cousins, blinking wide, questioning eyes to which Bakura snorted a laugh and said, "Play Miss Mary Mack with an invisible person."

Yugi's eyes widened drastically, picturing it and narrowing his eyes; he couldn't do that with Yami. Knowing him he would probably be jealous of the invisible person and all hell would break out and…

Wow…why had he just taken that seriously?

"Braid each other's hair," Mana announced as she jumped down the last step and wandered around them to grab a soda from the fridge, winking at Yugi playfully.

"Eat a sandwich, usually," Bakura snorted, smirking and grabbing an apple from the fruit bowl.

"Put them in your pockets."

"Pockets?" Yami echoed, narrowing his eyes and staring at the blond before tipping his head to the side. "What the fuck? Why would you have pockets?"

"…I thought you had to be naked to have sex," Yugi commented, furrowing his brows and looking at Yami for confirmation.

"You do."

"Oh…" The smaller teen nodded once and then his mind gave him a disgusting picture that made him spin on the tanned male with horrified eyes, whispering, "Then what the fuck kind of sex have you been having?"

"The fun kind," Malik snapped, rolling his eyes.

"Fun my ass! That wouldn't be fun!" Yugi cried, throwing his arms up while Bakura, Yami and Mana stared at him in shock; what the fuck was going on in his little aibou's brain right now?

"Yugi, um…maybe you should go ahead and stop while you still—"

"Like, your clothes are going to be ruined and—buying new ones? Unless you're freaking Mana, that shit is not fun and—"

Yami clamped his hand over his mouth, really hoping that it wouldn't be too impossible for him to stay quiet; he was pretty sure he was about to prove him wrong, especially when Yugi started moving his lips against his palm.

"I have to—"

"We should go watch a movie. I think a movie would be nice."

"What's he got to say that you're so desperate to hide?" Bakura snickered.

"N-nothing," Yami stammered, blushing slightly and squeezing his eyes shut for a moment; what was the best way to get out of this?

"Aw, come on, Yami, let him talk," Mana snorted, "I, for one, want to hear what he has to say."

"You just want to embarrass me with whatever comes out of his mouth."

"Damn straight. You poured cereal over my head, you dumbass."

"You stunk."

"You stink!"

"You're stupid!"

"And you're an idiot!"

"That's the same insult!"

"No, stupid is an adjective and idiot is a noun! Get your shit straight!"

"It's a sad day when your little sister is smarter than you," Bakura commented, rolling his eyes.

"Bitch, please," Yami spat, "you're the one who let him talk you into letting Satan ejaculate on your face."

"Why do you keep using that word? It's so…correct," Malik hissed.

"Because that's how I phrased it, moron," Bakura snapped.

"Oh, well, my fucking bad, asshole."

"Whatever—wait one fucking second," the silver-haired teen cried, turning to his red-eyed cousin. "Did she just say that you fucking dumped cereal over her head?"

"She needed a bath."

"Goddamn."

"She stunk and she needed a fucking bath."

"And you couldn't have just told her that?"

"I did but she was being stupid and wouldn't take one."

"Dad stunk up the bathroom."

"There are like…six bathrooms in this fucking house, what the fuck is wrong with you that you couldn't just go into another one?"

"My special shampoo and conditioner and hair spray were in there!" Mana snarled. "I can't take a shower without them to do my hair! God, Bakura, fucking think for a moment, would you?!"

"This bitch," Bakura growled, "I'm going to end up clawing her fucking eyes out soon enough."

"You're all so abusive," Yugi mumbled, drawing Yami's attention and making him blink wide eyes; the smaller boy frowned and then bit his thumbnail. "I don't know what I should do with this information…"

"Embrace it."

Yugi blinked at him.

"Make love to it."

The smaller boy's eyes widened drastically, blushing.

"And remember it only applies to familial bullshit like this."

He opened and closed his mouth but after a moment or two he simply nodded because he couldn't really think of anything to say to that.

Yami stared at him for a long minute, surprised, and then shrugged as he turned away again just as Malik and Bakura started snarling at each other about how he was an idiot for poking the condoms with a pin.

He neglected to point out that he was the really stupid one for going along with it in the first place.

---

Yugi wasn't really sure how the three of them had managed to make Yami want to go to the gym with them, but either way he followed along and now he was definitely not regretting it.

Mana went flying backwards off the treadmill almost immediately which made her brother laugh so hard he fell off the cross-trainer which made Bakura laugh hard enough that he slipped off his and Malik ended up getting thrown off his treadmill when he couldn't keep up with running through his laughter.

So all four of them were on the floor crying from laughing so hard and in varying degrees of pain and Yugi was the only one completely safe from the ache, lying on the floor in stitches while they all blamed each other for getting thrown off.

"And that's all the exercise for me," Yami announced, getting up after a few minutes and dusting himself off, the other three scrambling to their feet and still laughing from it all. "I think I'm buffed up enough for the rest of the year."

"Damn straight," Malik snorted, wiping at his eyes.

Yugi couldn't make himself uncurl from the ball he was in, sobbing and red-faced, a whine coming out under his laughter and his sides hurting as they all watched him and snickered in amusement.

"This is why we don't do gym," Yami stated, nodding immediately at the others and fighting off a bunch of laughter again. "This is why we all just pretend that it doesn't exist and we don't have to worry about it and…We should all get fat one year and then have an actual reason to come here."

"So done with gym."

"Damn straight."

"Never again."

"Great. Now that we're all in agreement…"

"Um…so how the fuck do we get your boyfriend off the floor?"

"I don't know…"

"Should we just wait it out?"

"Shit…probably."

Yugi broke down harder at that, laughing until he couldn't breathe as Yami plopped down next to him and started messing with his shoelaces, the other three glancing around nervously.

"You know, I think the American guy over there really thinks that we just insulted his resolution," Bakura hissed.

Yami looked over and his eyes nearly bugged out of his head; holy shit, he thought those people were fucking myths!

"Fucking Ra…"

"Oh gods, you don't think he's—oh my fucking gods, he's coming over here!"

"Quick, run!" Yami shouted, grabbing Yugi's hand and trying to get him off the ground as they all scattered; the smaller teen took one look at the American flag on the guy's head, how it was wrapped up as a bandanna, grabbed Yami's hand as tight as he could, and bolted as if his ass was on fire.

Yami nearly face-planted into the equipment at least thirty times but somehow managed to keep his footing and his cousins and sister were left several feet behind them as they continued back towards the house.

"Well, we fucking know who would survive a goddamned zombie apocalypse," Bakura grunted, panting as he doubled over and leaned against the door as they all came in a few minutes after the two look-alikes. "Fucking hell."

"Damn, no wonder he didn't have to work out," Malik sputtered.

"Uh…now where the fuck are they?" Mana muttered, blinking wide eyes at her cousins who snorted and shrugged as if she had just asked them a question about the bible.

"How the fuck would I know?" Bakura scoffed.

"Gods, this is just going to kill me," the blonde huffed, rolling her eyes and looking around. "Guys? Where are you?"

"You think after he fled like that that he'll come out easily?" Malik scoffed. "He just acted like it was a goddamned foot race and you think he's going to just come out of hiding just like that?"

Yami was currently seated on Yugi's bed, staring around the room curiously as the smaller teen hummed something or other and plopped down next to him on the computer chair at the desk.

"So, um…what's…Wow, this is…" Yami shook his head slowly and then grinned at him. "They're going to freak out when they don't find me at the house."

Yugi poked his tongue out. "So? Not my fault that they won't come up with it first."

"You sure know how to run. I swear, I almost died twice trying to keep up."

"The good thing about bullies is that they give you a lot of stamina and speed," the smaller boy stated, nodding and glancing at him; Yami was still a little flushed from the run, cheeks reddened and eyes slightly wide, looking shocked out of his mind but mostly appreciative and more than a little amused.

"He wasn't going to do anything."

"You don't know that," he stated, huffing, "besides, that was Bandit Keith and he's not a nice little American, okay?"

"I never would have guessed with the way he advanced on us," Yami snorted, breathing out a low sigh and trying to gather himself a little; shit, he really was seriously winded, but in his defense, he had never really needed to run so fast for such a long time and now it was just so sudden that it left him completely breathless and confused. But he totally refused to look out of shape like that in front of Yugi. Nope, no way. Never.

But that little mischievous laughing gleam in the other's eyes said that he knew and Yami was dead set on pretending that he had no idea what his little one was insinuating with that look.

"So…how do you know him exactly?"

Yugi paused for a moment, hesitating before sighing. "He hangs around outside a gas station down the road from the school and always asks if anyone wants some weed."

Yami tilted his head in question and the smaller boy offered a small smile.

"That and…" His smile vanished, a small gleam of fear and a tiny bit of extreme disdain entering his eyes. "I found out that my mom and dad were overseas and my grandpa was having trouble with the bills and we wouldn't be able to get the check that they were sending in time to pay and I…took matters into my own hands…"

The taller teen stared for a long minute and then leaned forward to put his elbows on his knees, chin in hands, breathing a little harder now that he was a small bit sure Yugi wouldn't be able to see it with the baggy clothes.

"Meaning…?"

"That I used the casino down the street to gamble until I could get enough money to pay," he admitted, cringing slightly. "And I used to have to play people for money—any game, really, because I'm normally really good at winning them when I get the chance, but, uh…then Bandit Keith played me and um…"

"I swear to Ra, if he put his hands on you—"

"No, no, he, um…he actually let me off with a warning," Yugi muttered, clearing his throat awkwardly. "He said if he ever saw my face again and we were alone, he'd gut me like a fish."

"Oh fuck no—"

Yugi shook his head a little. "I swear, Yami, if you start trouble with him, I'm going to be the one who kicks your ass, understand?"

Yami blinked wide eyes. "But he—"

"He won't hurt me—at least as long as I don't play any games."

"So…that's why you wouldn't duel."

"Yeah, plus he was there. I saw him and he…got disqualified for cheating before he could duel you, but I saw him and I knew if I played…"

"Hmm…So you think he actually would have started something at the gym?"

"Well, considering you guys were all pretty much making fun of Americans with that little joke, I would say yes."

"But it wasn't even racist!"

"Yeah, well, most people overreact and Bandit Keith is definitely one of them so please, whatever you do, do not go to that fucking gym again. Ever. Because I know he's going to hold a grudge about this and he will fucking attack you if he sees you at any point."

Yami huffed softly. "Yeah, yeah, all right," he sighed, rolling his eyes. "I get it. I won't go near Bandit Keith or the gym."

"Seriously, Yami."

"Okay, okay, I promise I won't go near the gym or Bandit Keith." He paused and looked towards the ceiling. "You know, though…"

"Hmm?"

"If you were ever cast in the Hunger Games or something, I could see you surviving that shit."

Yugi blushed and rolled his eyes. "You really need to catch your breath. I can still hear how winded you sound."

Yami recoiled with shock in his eyes, hissing, "You can hear it?"

"Yes," the smaller teen laughed. "It's kind of ironically attractive but at the same time you sound kind of like what I imagine a completely stereotypical American to sound like after running only a few steps."

The taller teen gave him an extremely hurt look. "I don't…I normally don't run that fast or for that long and now that we're here, I just…I'm starting to feel so attacked right now."

He started laughing and moved over to the bed, plopping down next to him and reaching up to trace his fingers along his side. "Well, then, now we officially know how easily bruised your ego is."

Yami flushed. "You cannot be serious."

"I am though. I really am."

"Hush." He glanced around awkwardly, eyes half lidded and downcast as he chewed his bottom lip. "You're mean and I don't like you anymore. I think we need a divorce."

"Divorce? But we're not even married!" Yugi cried, eyes widening; shit, had Yami somehow pulled strings or something and gotten them married online or…? Wait, surely someone would have talked him out of that, right?

"I'm sorry, did our souls not do the deed before?" Yami hissed, glaring at him playfully. "If your souls do the deed even before you do, then fuck yes, I count that as marriage."

"Um…I don't think the rest of the world agrees to that."

"Shut up, I live in my own world!"

Yugi snickered and rolled his eyes. "I can't even argue with that one," he laughed. "Half the time I have to wonder. So…what's your world like?"

"Well, there's a very sexually deviant clone of you who likes to yell at me sometimes because I touch him too much," Yami said thoughtfully, Yugi laughing as he looked at him. "We're married, we own a pet Fichus, a velociraptor, two dogs, Milky Way is immortal, my cousins are actually sane, I don't get drawn into ridiculous situations because the gods like to mess with me so much, we have pizza every night, I can run and not be so winded that you point it out, and we freak out Espa Roba on a daily basis by pretending to chant in Latin while he flips out."

Yugi burst out laughing and squeezed his side, making him twitch and squirm for a moment, red eyes wide as he looked at him. "You really hate Espa, don't you?"

"Yes."

"Because of your little idea about me having liked him at one point or because you really chose dinosaurs over his god?"

Yami stayed quiet for a moment. "Both."

"Oh my gods."

"Tell me who the hell had a crush on you and I won't say that you liked him anymore, okay? Deal?"

Yugi groaned. "Fine, fine! But it…it wasn't a boy."

"Your grandpa beat the shit out of a girl with a broom?" Yami asked, gawking.

"No! He chased her around the game shop though, thinking that the conversation he had walked in on was her trying to pressure me into liking her and…Yeah, she never mentioned it again and it's…We just don't even talk about it anymore."

"Oh…okay then." Yami snorted and shook his head slowly, blinking a few times. "So then, who was it…?"

Yugi blushed furiously and hurried to sit up, watching his face before ducking his head. "Just…promise me you won't tell anyone. Not Mana, not Bakura, not Malik, not Duke. No one, okay?"

The taller teen blinked. "Very well. You have my word that I will not tell anyone or mention it out loud at any point after this…except immediately after this because with the way you're acting, I'm starting to think that this is going to stun me."

The smaller boy groaned and reached up to run his hands through his hair, sighing softly. "I…It was Tea."

"Tea?" Yami repeated, furrowing his brows. "Tea? Tea had a thing for you?"

Yugi raised his head slightly, looking at him, and mumbled, "She didn't realize that I was gay."

"Oh…So…" He tried to think of a nice way to put the question that was now dominating the rest of his thoughts; he didn't want to make Yugi feel bad or anything about it and gods knew, he felt cheated when Vivian had done it to him. "Did she uh…?"

"Did she what?"

"I don't know how to…Uh…"

"Just say it."

Oh great, now he was making Yugi anxious. He resisted the urge to press his face into his palm, instead grimacing and blinking a few times, sorting through his thoughts for a long minute before finally breathing out, "Okay, did she…? Was she your…? Who was your…?"

Yugi stared in confusion and that anxious look on his face was growing…

"Was she your first kiss?" he finally managed, feeling a sick twinge of jealousy and disgust in his system at the bitter taste in his mouth; wow, he really needed to figure out how to control this envy thing he had going on.

"My first…?" The smaller teen looked so relieved he almost apologized, but he was rolling his eyes and laughing and he felt a little sick again. "No, you were. In the mall…when you practically assaulted me with your mouth."

Yami blushed for a second and then mumbled, "Oh, okay…Ha."

"Would you really have been jealous of something like that?" Yugi asked skeptically, eyes wide as he looked at him, blinking in shock.

He winced slightly. "I…uh…"

"You get jealous too easily."

"Well, forgive me," he huffed, rolling his eyes and crossing his arms. "But weren't you trying to make me jealous at the tournament? Fucking petting Timaeus's hair. Like who the fuck does that? Gods, you just…Grr…"

"Hey, don't growl at me," Yugi stated, poking him in the shoulder and smiling a little. "Okay, so I attempted and succeeded at making you jealous. I'm sorry. But, damn, Yami, going after him like that?"

"I…Hush, you. I have jealousy issues."

"Well, I'm glad you know that."

Yami pursed his lips. "You know, watching you with Timaeus was horrible," he grumbled, rolling his eyes and refusing to look at him for a long minute, "because you're just over there all happy and touching his hair and leaving me alone. And I'm just stuck over there being really sad and annoyed and completely helpless to stop it and then I felt all pathetic for it when I ruined your fun but you left me out so it's your fault. All blame is on you now. I don't like sitting around being…quietly annoyed."

Yugi sighed and ran his fingers over his stomach, making him squirm. "You still didn't have to go that far."

"Yes I did. You were petting his fucking hair and complimenting it."

"So?"

"You never do that with my hair!" Yami whined loudly, huffing. "No love for my hair. I need a little bit of an ego boost sometimes too!"

Yugi blinked and then snickered. "Your ego is too big," he laughed, rolling his eyes. "Your ego is way too big."

"Don't be rude."

"It's bigger than Seto's."

"…I'm feeling so attacked right now."

"Good, maybe it'll make your ego manageable."

"You just don't love me."

"I do, I do, but…your ego is a little troublesome."

"Go away. I don't like you anymore."

Yugi moved to straddle him, wrapping his arms around his neck and pressing into him lightly. "But I love you," he snorted, biting his lip when Yami grabbed his ribcage lightly and pushed him back to stare at him in shock.

"Wait. Did I just…? Did you just say or was I…?" He paused, narrowing his eyes. "Do I still need to record you saying those words or what?"

"Oh my gods, I can't believe you were serious about that!"

"Damn straight I was."

Yugi rolled his eyes. "I love you."

"Oh, so you did say them!" he snickered, grinning stupidly. "Say it again."

"Only if you promise to make that face every time I do."

"What face?"

"That stupid goofy one you have on you now," he laughed.

"Mimic it for me."

"I can't! I don't know how to do that," Yugi snorted, shaking his head and smiling widely. "That face is too…you to try it."

"Oh…" Yami tilted his head. "I'll take that as a compliment."

"Mmhmm."

"Okay, say it again!" he demanded excitedly, eyes bright as he studied him. "Say it again!"

Yugi rolled his eyes. "I love you."

"Yes!"

The smaller teen burst out laughing. "Just so you know, I'm not saying it again. Your ego would get too big."

Yami huffed but that happy look on his face didn't change, eyes bright as he hugged him tightly; the smaller teen blinked once and then shifted on his lap, producing a moan that made him stop short, eyes growing immensely wide again a few seconds later when Yami ran his tongue over his pulse point.

"I…Yami, um…w-what exactly are you doing…to my neck?"

The red-eyed teen snickered against his skin and Yugi trembled for a second while he mumbled, "I love your neck."

"Oh, okay, but um…w-why?"

"Because I can bite it, lick it, suck it, nuzzle it and just press my face all against it and just breathe you in."

He just wanted to know what the lick was for, but that was awesome too.

---

Yugi wasn't answering the phone.

Yami frowned as he stared at it and drummed his fingers against the table; he had left about two hours before in order to come back to the house and yet the phone kept ringing and ringing and ringing and every time that he thought it would go to voicemail, it kept ringing.

He was getting fed up as hell with it, especially after the twentieth time dialing finally the voicemail popped up almost immediately, Yugi's voice chiming, "You've reached Yugi Motou, sorry I can't come to the phone right now. But leave me a message and I'll call you back."

What the hell? Was he seriously ignoring him or something?

The phone beeped.

He didn't leave a message until the next day.

"You've reached Yugi Motou, sorry I can't come to the phone right now. But leave me a message and I'll call you back."

Yami cleared his throat awkwardly before the tone and then finally went about mumbling, "Okay, so I'm going to take a guess at this and say that I pissed you off big time before and I'm really, really sorry, aibou. I just—I've been thinking of you—but not in a creepy way. I mean—it—it could be considered a little creepy but not really. I mean, ha, I've only gone by your house once and—dear fucking Ra, what am I saying? I-ignore that—if for nothing else other than my sanity. Please. I'm seriously begging you to." He paused for a second. "Uh, anyways! I just wanted you to know that there is nobody I would rather be with than you. And you make me very happy—embarrassingly so."

He quickly hung up and groaned, running his hand through his hair and feeling so stupid that it was amazing.

Two hours later, Mana was in his room, huffing about teenage boys and how they were so hypocritical and stupid. She was looking through his deck of cards and messing with his phone and trying to scare off Milky Way with the wire on the phone charger.

"Why do teenage boys care about if a girl is a virgin or not? I mean, are they really that eager to be the first to disappoint me?"

Yami stared at her for a second, considering speaking, and then turned away again because it was so not worth it; another four hours later, he called back and got the voicemail all over again, something that made his skin crawl with worry.

"Okay, so I know I'm not always the greatest at telling you how I feel—or even…talking. I-in general." He cleared his throat again and scratched at the back of his head. "But I wanted to tell you I'm sorry and I just…I love you and…stuff."

He huffed when, the next day, he called again and got nothing.

"Okay, well, you know what? This…? It seriously just sucks, Yugi! I wish I had a better way to say this, but I honestly don't and my brain feels totally stuck right now and I—I just wanted you to know that even though I pissed you off with…whatever I did or said, I might not always do the best things in the world or have the right words, you will always have me. I'm not going anywhere. So I hope you're cool with that." He paused, adding a mumbled, "Because I love you" that was barely audible before hanging up the phone and starting to pace.

"Can you like, fucking cease to exist for twenty goddamned minutes?" he snarled at his sister when she started into his room four hours later; he glared her down and snarled low in his throat, the blonde instantly turning and fleeing from the room.

"You know, that day in class? When we were talking about hearts and heart strings? I wasn't joking about the marriage thing…Okay, maybe a little, but I mean…When I say marry…I don't mean bang. I mean…like…I want to make pancakes on a Sunday morning and have you walk downstairs in plaid pajama pants with messy hair and let me kiss you on the nose." He paused for a long moment. "I would also bang you though. Like a screen door in a hurricane."

He gawked at his own statement and grumbled, "Goddamn it!" before hanging up again.

The next day, he found himself up at eight, dialing again.

"Answer the fucking phone, Yugi, before I have a fucking aneurysm!" Yami snarled, throwing his arms around. "I can't deal with the silent treatment! I swear to fucking Ra, I will fucking leap in through your window in the middle of the night if you do not call me back!"

---

Yami went with Mana to the café down the street because she insisted they had the best ice cream and cake and all of that and she wanted it and she didn't want to go alone; so, two days later, he was with her, both of them seated and talking about stupid things when the bell on the door rang.

The first thing Yami noticed was that it was Tea and she was dressed in the uniform; the second was that Mana had yet to actually get something and there hadn't been a waiter or waitress to ask.

Then he figured they probably had to go to the front to ask for something to eat or drink or whatever it was that they did here, until he saw Mana's friend Miho and guessed that she probably already knew what Mana wanted because she probably made sure to find out if Miho was working that day.

Yami sighed in frustration; what the fuck was he doing here anyways?

Miho came over with the biggest slice of chocolate cake he had ever seen, said hi to him, chatted with his sister for several minutes, and then hurried off to work again when Tea called her back over there.

"Hey, there's Yugi!" Mana cried a few minutes later as he started to play with his phone, pointing towards where the smaller teen was getting a cup of hot chocolate and smiling widely at Tea who was telling him a story that made them both laugh; Yami ducked and hid, sliding off his chair silently and crouching on the ground immediately, head low and eyes drifting up towards the bottom of the table only to wince. They really needed to clean these things. There had to be at least twenty different flavors of gum just there—maybe even one that had yet to be discovered at that point.

"Yami, what the fuck just happened?" his little sister muttered, raising an eyebrow and peering under the table at him, frowning.

The older Sennen sibling waved her off pointedly. "Stop looking at me!"

She sat up. "Well…this is going to look awkward as all hell just talking with no one else around…hmm…well, uh, hey, so, why exactly are you hiding from Yugi?"

"I don't know. I think I pissed him off doing something or other. I don't remember but he's not returning my phone calls and that's normally how you know when someone is pissed at you," her brother muttered, frowning as he watched Yugi at the counter; he looked happy enough. For a second he almost wanted to sob but he wasn't even sure if they had broken up in the first place, though that was probably what had happened if Yugi was ignoring him like this; but, by Ra, was he seriously so easy to get over like that?

"You…think he's pissed at you?" the blonde murmured, a little too interested for his liking as she turned her head and watched the short teen who sipped at his chocolate, winced at the heat of it, and then nodded at whatever the brunette said to him. She moved her leg to kick him hard in the shoulder and Yami winced, glaring at her foot, contemplating somehow grabbing the knife off the table and just sawing her leg off without her knowing. "So what now?"

He didn't have to think about it to know that Yugi would be there for a little while longer but it was obvious that he was going to leave pretty soon too and that made him want to vomit with fear; did he hate him or something? Oh gods, he didn't know what he had done, but he did know that Yugi had to be pissed off at him and…He probably sounded so pathetic when he listened to the messages on his voicemail. Oh gods, he needed to look for a hole to go die in…

"You know, I think if he was mad at you, he wouldn't be so cheerful."

"He's looking…for someone," Yami realized slowly, eyes widening when he realized that the smaller teen was looking out the clear glass of the doors and back towards Tea, swapping back and forth and talking to her with a small smile.

"You maybe? Maybe he wants to talk to you. Or, hey, maybe I could—"

"Don't even think about it, Mana. I will cut you," he snarled from under the table.

Tea's phone went off and Yugi leaned over the counter to see the screen she offered him, smiling a little and shaking his head as he said something or other; Mana coughed so loudly that Yami jumped and ended up striking his head against the pole in the bottom of the table, groaning and rubbing at the pained spot as Yugi and Tea's heads snapped to attention. The older Sennen glared for a moment and then reached out and pinched her violently on her leg, making her cry out and jerk backwards, glaring at him.

"Ow! Yami Atemu Sennen, what are you doing down there underneath the table?!"

"I'm going to kill you," Yami spat, huddling in his spot as the entire room went silent and both of the other two teens' heads lowered and stared at him as he glared and pinched her again; she shrieked, jumping from her seat while her brother gloated and then went immediately still when he realized Yugi was crouched next to him, asking, "Um…what are you doing under there? Are…you okay?"

Yami threw his phone out of his pocket, letting it skid a couple of inches, pouncing on it and gripping it tightly, acting as if it had been eluding him the entire time. "Ah, ha! I found it! Must have just…slipped out. Funny huh?" he mumbled weakly, forcing a wide smile onto his face and staring at the smaller teen who blinked as his eyebrows shot up and a small grin appeared on his lips, looking amused and relieved. "I—ha, what a coincidence that you're…here, Yugi. I certainly wasn't…expecting it…"

"You know I live across the street," the blue-violet-eyed teen snickered, smiling a little more, gaze growing fond.

"O—oh yeah. And…oh yeah, so does Mana!" he muttered, kicking her leg as he got up and started to sit again, his sister opening her mouth to deny the statement but going immediately quiet, instead focusing all of her attention on innocently studying her slice of chocolate cake.

"Hi Mana," Yugi greeted with a small smile.

She raised her head and sheepishly licked at her fork. "Hi, Yugi." She shot Yami a small look of apology and leaped to her feet, fleeing with the plate to the other side of the café while her brother gawked and then glared furiously. Oh yes, Yami was definitely going to kill Mana—and he would happily take the jail time.

"Hey, I think we need to talk. Don't you?" the smaller teen asked, plopping down in her spot while he awkwardly tried to regain control of his jaw, voice coming out hoarse and slightly squeaky.

"Yep—mmhmm…uh, but…uh…fuck me, I don't have an excuse," he hissed, the statement coming out audible at first but ending up mumbled and dejected, so soft that Yugi leaned forward and still couldn't catch the words.

"Huh?"

He cleared his throat awkwardly. "Mm, uh, nothing. No worries. You wanted…to talk. Let's—let's talk."

"You okay?" he asked, concern gleaming in his bright eyes, reaching out and pressing his hand to his forehead; anyone else would have flinched back but Yami found himself leaning into it, bringing a blush to the smaller teen's face. "You don't feel sick."

He could literally see Mana choking on her cake around her laughter; good. He hoped a piece lodged itself so far in there that she couldn't breathe anymore. Fitting death for a traitor.

"I'm not sick," he managed to get out, biting his lip to keep from growing slightly frustrated; his ego was definitely bruised and he was feeling a little queasy but it was nerves and nothing else so he didn't care to mention it. If this was going to be their official breakup, then he wanted it to happen with an explanation like it should have… "Uh…yeah…um, sorry about a minute ago. I don't know what the hell's gotten into me, really."

"Probably your cat's demon soul."

Yami's mouth fell open and Yugi took a second before blushing furiously and shaking his head.

"Ignore that."

"You're lucky I love you or that would have been offensive," he teased, poking him in the shoulder and fighting off a wince at his own statement; well, if they ended, maybe they could stay friends? He really hoped so, at least…

"Why do you keep looking like someone is stabbing you in the gut?" the smaller teen demanded suddenly, eyes wide and hands flying out to feel his face and then the back of his shoulders, leaning forward with a frown and shaking his head. "You said you weren't sick but then you keep making that face at me…"

Yami opened and closed his mouth and awkwardly smiled at him. "Oh, no reason. Ha, uh…I just…I think I'm a little confused."

"Not a genius, Yami, but I think I have to agree. You look like you're trying to do a math problem."

He blushed furiously. "Math sucks," he hissed indignantly. "And you've gone and wounded my pride with that statement."

"Oops. Okay, but I wanted to tell you something—"

"If it's…what I think it is, please just stop now. I can't take another hit to my ego right now."

Yugi furrowed his brows. "I don't…wait, Yami, what do you think this about?"

"Us breaking up," he admitted slowly, staring and finding himself mortified when Yugi's eyes widened drastically, confused and shocked and utterly hurt.

"W-what?" he sputtered.

"Wait, so that's not…Okay, I don't get what…"

"Y-you want to break up? I…I—huh?" Yugi got out, gawking and blinking furiously, furrowing his brows and opening and closing his mouth several times before exhaling abruptly, looking like he was dying on the inside.

"N-no!" he stuttered, eyes wide. "I—I just thought that was—you haven't answered the phone or returned my calls or—I just assumed—"

Yugi stared at him for a long moment, at first too horrified to really function and then slowly regained his thoughts and eventually narrowed his eyes. "Yami…" he got out from behind his teeth, "if you've been trying to reach me so much, why the hell haven't you just talked to me?"

"And risk having you mad or cry or something?" he cried, scoffing a little too loudly. "I. Think. Not."

"Yami…" He bit his tongue for a second and swallowed back a soft sigh, shaking his head slightly. "I broke my phone on Christmas. Exactly two hours after we hung up. I remember that because I looked at the time on the phone right before it shut off permanently and all I could think about was the irony of that fact. I dropped it on the ground—or well, it was kind of knocked out of my hand…but either way, it hit the ground and got very destroyed on impact. And Grandpa is in Egypt so I didn't have another phone to call you from and I've been working at the game shop the last four days so I didn't have any time to come and see you to talk to you and you never came over…"

Yami turned away immediately, staring at the table and feeling his eyes sting as he shifted awkwardly and bit his tongue, mumbling a rigid, "A-are you mad? I wouldn't blame you if you were. I'm…I'm really sorry about hiding under the table from you and not coming to talk to you…"

Yugi bit his thumbnail and watched him thoughtfully, heart aching as he took him in and the way that he was sitting stiffly, jaw clenched and attention focused solely on some spot in the middle of the table; he was tempted to reach out and try to smooth the strained muscles that jumped in his cheeks but bit back the impulse, instead sighing softly and shaking his head. He wasn't surprised that he was acting like this. He always said he loved him—and Yugi knew he did, a constant that he couldn't claim didn't make him nervous sometimes but always made him smile and feel warm—and besides that, he had an ego the size of Australia, the number one reason that he would fight for him with others like he did, wanting to claim him as his own in that way that made him want to laugh and shake his head and hug him so tightly that he whined against his skin when he couldn't draw in enough breath around the force of it.

"I was pretty upset when you didn't come around to talk to me when you first noticed I was here—because I know you did, just from how awkward you were. I mean, come on, throwing your phone like that? But especially at the fact that you hid under the table from me."

"I didn't realize you had broken your phone. I thought you were ignoring me…"

"That's when you come and find me so we can talk!" Yugi snapped, waving his arms wildly for a split second and growing momentarily irritated when Yami snatched the hot chocolate away from him before belatedly realizing that he would have sent the scolding liquid straight into his crotch if the other male hadn't acted so quickly. "There was nothing for you to worry about, no reason for you to hide under the table."

"Yeah, well I know that now!" Yami objected, pushing the hot chocolate towards him again and then immediately regretting it when he felt the need to hold something in his palms, instead settling for burying his hands in his pockets and digging his nails into his flesh through the material of his clothing. "I was worried that if I showed up, you might have found someone else. Or that you wouldn't even want to see me again. I didn't know…"

Yugi sighed quietly and reached over to pull on his bang, laughing delightedly when the other teen pouted indignantly, sulking. "Oh come on, Yami, do you really think I dislike you so much that I wouldn't even break up with you face to face? Think about that a moment, koi. Right after I finally said those three words you've been dying to hear? I love you too much to do that."

Yami opened and closed his mouth once and tipped his head to the side, reaching up to scratch at his scalp in shame. "Sorry."

"It's only been four days. How could you go from excited and all around elated with the relationship to thinking that I was avoiding you and going to break up with you?" he muttered, slightly amazed as he blinked in surprise at his own realization.

Yami flinched. "I broke at the two-day mark," he admitted weakly.

"Was it really so long?"

"Too long."

Yugi stared at him for a long moment, half amazed and half pained, shaking his head. "Gods, you—I swear, Yami, you're the most maddening person I've ever met."

"I have no idea what you mean," he muttered indignantly, sniffing and wrinkling his nose in response to his words and reaching his foot out to touch his shin lightly, eyes widening when Yugi caught his shoe between his, holding it captive there.

"Promise me that next time you get so caught up like this, you're going to just come to me and talk to me," he demanded, voice coming out slightly sharp but mostly concerned.

Yami nodded immediately. "I will. I swear I will."

"Good."

Yami stayed quiet for a second and then licked his lips. "So…uh, when are you getting a new phone?" he mumbled awkwardly.

The smaller teen rolled his eyes playfully. "When my parents come in tomorrow—b-by the way…" He trailed off for a second, seeing that the other boy was definitely paying attention, looking relieved and a little scared but mostly just curious. "My parents…are coming here for the first and I…they…want to meet you."

The other teen stopped short and went rigid in his seat. "P-parents?"

"Yeah, I—h-hey, are you okay?"

He groaned and shuddered. "I…I'm just really…really generally a scared idiot when it comes to meeting someone's parents…e-especially if they're yours because—oh my Ra, the innuendos are going to come out." His mouth fell open. "I'm sick—so sick that I can't even get out of bed. Like—crippled sick and—"

Yugi shook his head quickly. "No, no, no, Yami. I haven't seen them in…months and I—no, I can't…I can't handle them alone. Just—please. Help me out. I need…"

Yami opened and closed his mouth a few times and then grabbed at his hair, tugging once. "Okay. Just…don't be surprised if I can't talk or they really don't like me. I just—fair warning right there."

"They're going to have to like you. I'm not breaking up with you."

"Oh Ra."

Their relationship depended on him impressing Yugi's parents…

---

Tomorrow was the first.

Oh gods, Yami was going to be sick; Yugi's parents were flying in at three in the morning and then what?

Fucking hell; being with Yugi was a lot more stressful than he thought.

First the Thanksgiving thing, then the Christmas charity event and now he wanted him to meet his parents? Was he fucking crazy?

Yami groaned and rubbed at his temples and Yugi glanced at him curiously as he went about handing over the duel disk the kid had purchased, turning to him immediately and whispering, "You okay?"

"I think I need to go die somewhere…before the first starts."

"Stop that," Yugi mumbled, looking a little pale at the mention before sighing and taking a seat on the stool next to him again; at least Mana was gone, because he didn't think he could get through the day with her there as well. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I was going to tell you after I spent the night over at your house the day after Christmas but I…My phone broke and then I forgot and I…I wanted you to meet them because…Well, they're my parents."

Yami nodded a little and scrunched his face up. "Holidays always fuck me up the ass."

Yugi remembered him telling him that holidays got extremely stressful for him past Halloween because then they were right after each other and they were considered major—or at least, they were when Yugi officially mentioned the Thanksgiving thing. Other than that, the family was normally content to do nothing during November or just be a bunch of family time or traveling or something along those lines. He had screwed up his relaxation November, stressed him out further all through December, and now he was springing this up on him.

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay," he muttered, nodding a little and offering a small sheepish smile. "Although, you know, I could do with something along the lines of a blowjob and it would be fun as all hell and—"

"Sexual deviant," Yugi teased, smiling and shaking his head. "Not going to happen."

"What is this craziness? I don't even get a blowjob for my efforts?"

"No. I'm a prude and you get nothing."

Yami chuckled and rolled his eyes. "So how is this going to happen?" he finally mumbled, sobering immediately and feeling sick to his stomach.

"I…Well, what they wanted to do was either go out for dinner or have you come over for a home-cooked meal. They want to meet you without the family," he admitted, wincing when Yami's eyes grew wide and sharpened like knives, obviously realizing exactly what he was saying; they wanted him separate to meet him without the risk of the others being able to cut into the conversation or deter it or save him from any potential blunder he was capable of. "And…"

"Oh gods, they're going to see if I'm okay for you."

"Isn't that what most meetings with parents are supposed to be like?"

The red-eyed teen turned his head and stared at him for a long minute until Yugi finally blushed and blurted out, "Your parents are too awesome for that!"

Yami tilted his head. "Are your parents…like the strict kind or something?"

"Not…um, not completely…" He paused and furrowed his brows. "I mean, occasionally they can be. Like my mom beat me with a ladle when I was playing a memory game in my room before school. And my dad is all about talking to me about getting a job and stuff like that but…well, they're extremely protective of me so it matters that you make a good impression…"

"You really think that they'll make you break up with me?"

"They would tell me to, but I wouldn't," he admitted, sighing. "It would just be a little more stressful as far as they're concerned."

"So it wouldn't be anything like…kicking you out or anything?"

"What? No, of course not!"

"Okay, good, because some parents will do that and I just didn't know…"

Yugi smiled and shook his head. "They're not that bad. Just a little stuffy and…" He lowered his voice until Yami couldn't hear, mumbling.

"What?"

He repeated the statement under his breath.

"Excuse me?"

"…Religious. I said that they're religious."

"Aw fucking hell!" Yami exclaimed, rubbing his face vigorously, groaning under his breath. "You mean to tell me that they're going to try to convert me or something?"

Yugi stayed quiet for a moment. "M-maybe? I—I mean they keep trying to make me convert and I think…they'll probably ask if you're religious and—"

"I chose the dinosaurs!" the taller teen snapped. "I chose the dinosaurs. I chose Steven and I want this shit over with. Goddamn it, I need a velociraptor to come eat me alive."

The smaller boy blushed but couldn't help but smile a little. "It'll be okay. I promise it will."

"I choose the dinosaurs. You should tell your parents that first thing."

"Maybe," he laughed, shaking his head and turning away. "Come on, we can go upstairs and watch something on TV when this is over."

"So they're just going to come over tomorrow at like three in the afternoon or something?"

"Yes, something like that, actually."

Yami nodded slightly and turned away. "Great."

Twenty minutes later the two of them were seated on the couch, watching the TV and flipping through the channels and Yami was paying attention, but trying not to, to Yugi's shaking hands and the way his fingers trembled every now and then and how he looked pale and as if he wanted to be sick now that they were alone and just sitting there.

He didn't ask if he was okay, but while he was trying not to focus on his boyfriend's current state of anxiety, he ended up breathing in that funny way that always brought out a sneeze, nose itching as he let out a small, "Achoo!"

"Shut the fuck up!" Yugi snapped next to him, still staring at the TV screen.

Yami recoiled as if he had slapped him, eyes wide in shock and so startled that he didn't even think about trying to wipe at his nose with the back of his hand; Yugi finally blinked a few times and simply turned his head to stare at him in pure confusion, tilting his head as he asked, "What?"

The taller teen narrowed his eyes into slits; maybe he had just imagined it or something?

"…What did I…? Oh…oh! Oh my gods!" Yugi cried, covering his mouth with his hands and blushing until he thought his fingers would be scalded with the heat in his cheeks. "I meant bless you!"

Yami narrowed his eyes further, grinning. "I think that's going to be my new of saying bless you." He took a moment. "'Achoo! Shut the fuck up!'"

Yugi's face heated further as he ducked his head, whispering, "Oh my gods."

He smirked widely and kissed his cheek after a moment, glancing at the television in which the smaller boy looked over slowly after a moment and asked, "So, uh, you want to spend the night over here, right?"

"There's absolutely no chance that your parents will show up here after they get to Japan again?" he demanded, slightly skeptical.

"No," he stated, frowning, "there's no way. I promise. My parents aren't going to come here. They'll be checking into a hotel because they don't want me to have wait up for them. You can sleep over and I can wake you up and you can go home and get freshened up and stuff…"

"Well that works," he agreed after a moment. "Um…y-you don't think that your parents are going to consider me too arrogant or something for you, right?"

Yugi blinked and then snuggled into his side. "No, koi, I don't think so."

Oh, so Yugi actually had called him that before; he had thought that maybe he had been hearing things and imagined it instead.

The nickname kind of stunned him for a moment but it served to make him instantly happy as well.

"Okay, then, if you're sure…?"

"I am. I'll wake you up and you can go home and get ready and all of that."

Yami nodded and pulled him closer, about to gather him into his lap before stopping short; was he trembling? That could be because of stress or maybe because he was still anxious or…

The taller boy leaned forward and whispered in his ear, "Can I start molesting you yet?"

Yugi blushed so furiously that he looked ready to start a career as a stop sign at some point. "I…Is it still molestation if you have consent?"

"I don't know, but I like the name so I think I'll keep calling it that," Yami stated, nodding slowly.

"Oh, okay…"

"So, uh, is that a yes or no?"

"…No, thank you. I actually…I really want to just lay with you. So can we do that instead?"

Yami nodded after a moment. "Sure. Let's do that."

Yugi felt the taller teen doze off on him a few hours later, in the middle of something about hyenas, in which he was cringing at some parts and immediately flipping to safer channels again.

A long while afterwards, Yami blinked up groggily at him and Yugi offered a gentle smile that quickly turned teasing when the taller teen moved a little closer and mumbled, "Do you need to use the sleep?" right before his eyes grew wide with horror, the smaller boy snickering as he added, "Maybe I need to use the sleep" in a soft whisper.

"Maybe you do," he agreed, laughing and reaching over to pull him into his lap, surprised when the taller teen rolled over onto his side, head against the armrest and arms wrapped around his waist as he bunched his legs up and snuggled into him tightly. He blushed but couldn't help it when he smiled and ran a hand through the other boy's hair; wow, what time was it anyways? He messed with the menu on the TV program and pursed his lips when he found it was three a.m.. Well then…maybe it was time for him to use the sleep too…

Aw, but Yami was just too cute to move and he loved it way too much the way he was curled around him like this. Plus, he could tell that he was already asleep and how rude would it be just to wake him up to tell him to move upstairs to sleep there?

Oh, but he wanted to be able to sleep with him and hug him and this…didn't really allow much of that.

Yami groggily stared up at him when he nudged him into consciousness again and led him back to the bed; for the longest time the red-eyed teen just laid on the bed and tangled their legs together and then finally he mumbled, "I have to piss" into the darkness after Yugi was about half-asleep.

"So go to the bathroom."

"But the bed is so warm and I don't want to go…"

"But you have to pee, Yami," he snickered.

"But…What if I come back and it's not as warm anymore?"

"Then it will heat up again when you lay down again."

"But I would lose the heat from before and I like this warmth!"

Yugi snickered and ran his fingers over his side, smiling widely as the other teen whispered, "To use the pee or not to use the pee" before looking at him slowly and growing more horrified. "I should go use the pee."

"You should," he agreed, laughing as the other boy untangled himself and fled for the bathroom; he watched him disappear behind the door and smiled as he returned to his side a few minutes later. Obviously the red-eyed teen had been losing sleep if he was this loopy and awkward in his tired state.

Obviously his lack of conversing with him had rattled him pretty harshly to the point that he couldn't sleep much and fell into such a state that he was so awkward with his speech and trying to cuddle with him and just in general being near him for the moment.

Poor Yami.

He wished he had known before all of this shit happened in the first place. He could have saved him a ton of stress as well as himself some; Yami cuddled into him and Yugi ran his hands though his hair as he passed out with his head against his chest. Such perfect hair…

He wouldn't tell him that, of course, just because he was too adorable when he thought that he liked Timaeus's hair better; he snuggled into him and closed his eyes, falling asleep after a few minutes of just listening to Yami breathing to wake up a few hours later, confused and slightly startled out of his mind by the position they had wound up in. Yami was sprawled across him, his hair tickling his face and his entire body just pressed to align with his. And it took him a long minute to realize why he had woken up in the first place.

Oh dear gods.

It was back.

He blushed, feeling ridiculous.

Was he supposed to wake him up because of his boner or did he let him sleep?

And if he woke him up, was it good or bad?

Like, did it make him seem so insecure about Yami having morning wood that it was pathetic?

Or was it okay to wake him up with a lie about having to go pee and him blocking him off from the bathroom?

That technically wasn't a lie aside from needing to use the bathroom; he didn't need to do that…

Did he wake him up or did he just let them stay like this?

Oh gods, this was becoming kind of pathetic.

He rubbed at his sides with his fingers, more than a little surprised when Yami purred in his ear but didn't wake up at all; the red-eyed teen didn't move away from him and Yugi found himself giggling. This situation was sorely ridiculous.

Ooh, ooh, he was twitching against his thigh and it was almost impossible to think straight with that pressing into his skin.

Especially when his little pajama bottoms were starting to rise as well and were pressing into Yami's groin now.

"Koi," he whispered, trying to gain some kind of acknowledgment from the other male; he poked at him again but only got a small twitch and a purr again. "Yami, come on, wake up. I need you to wake up so I can go pee."

That sounded better than "Your third leg is getting a little happy with my thigh" right?

"Really, uh, your peen is kind of…trying to show some love…to my thigh and it's…very awkward but nice, but seriously…I really need to pee, Yami," he found himself mumbling before he could think it through.

Oh gods, this was so strange and awkward.

"I…mm…what?" Yami mumbled in his ear, obviously starting to grow more awake now that he was moving a little and shifting so strangely beneath him, twitching and trying to stroke him awake with his hands on his sides and now his head was in the gutter and he was kind of wondering about how it would feel to stroke him and…

Oh gods, he was a horrible boy and his mind was so dirty and, just wow, Yami's soul really must have tainted his. Because, ooh, normally they were just fleeting ideas and now it was everywhere and he couldn't even wrap his head around it…

"I need to go pee, koi."

Yami moved to bury his face in his cheek, breathing out a small soft grunt of a noise before yawning against his skin and whispering, "Okay. Give me a minute. I'm tired."

Yugi snorted. "If I just roll you over, can I go pee then?"

"Mm…less work."

The smaller teen snickered and shifted to pull him closer before rolling them over as quickly as possible, startled when Yami suddenly moved to wrap one of his legs around his waist, mumbling, "You're a feisty little one, aren't you?"

Yugi froze, body locking up for a split second as his eyes widened drastically and realization sunk in; Yami was so much more asleep than he was awake, with no kind of actual awareness that he was even talking. He was…Yugi was pretty sure that he was having something of a sex dream and the change of position had just spurred him on a little more.

His face burst into flames and he ducked his head; oh gods, this was so, so awkward…

Maybe he could scramble out of the bed fast enough that Yami wouldn't even notice…?

Nope.

As soon as he moved, the red-eyed teen moaned a little, purring in the back of his throat without opening his eyes, mumbling a low, terribly arousing, "Mm…"

Oh gods, he was going to kill him…

"Yami, come on, koi, I need to go to the bathroom."

Yami's leg that had been raised in some kind of attempt to wrap around his waist slid and fell off and the grip on his sides was loosening, a sign that he was really starting to fall asleep again…

Yugi moved and both of them tumbled over the side of the bed when Yami suddenly tightened his grip; the taller teen yowled in pain and recoiled, wide awake now, and the smaller rubbed the back of his head with bug eyes, gawking at the other boy who looked startled out of his mind.

"What…what the fuck just happened?"

"I was trying to go to the bathroom…"

"Why would you go to the bathroom when you were just…?" He stopped himself short and Yugi was kind of curious about the blush that spread across his cheeks as his words died off; what was he about to say?

But, more important than anything else, Yugi wanted to know which fucking position they were in because, wow, that dream was starting to give him a million and one different ideas and all of them were kind of driving him insane and he couldn't think straight for a second and—

"What position were we in?"

Yami froze, eyes nearly popping out of his head. "W-what?"

"Doggy? Missionary? Oh my god, was it up against the wall or something? Oh, oh, in a pool? On a trampoline? I've always wondered how it would happen if you were doing it on a trampoline—would the springs squeak and the bouncy part actually move under you? Or would it be stationary? Ooh, what about on a boat? What if you were rocking it so hard that at one point you just flipped over?" he commented, going wide-eyed and amazed and beautifully happy. "Oh my gods, what about in the woods? Would a bug like…crawl up and scare you in the middle of the act? What about a squirrel or something chattering at you? What if one of the giant flying ones dropped out of the tree, doing it too, and one of their tails just was all a-twitching and just hit you across the face or something while you're doing it? Or what if you were just screwing in the forest and you looked up and all the animals around you were doing it too?"

Yami blinked slowly and then whispered, "I would think that if that happened in the forest with the squirrels or birds or all the animals, it would mean that either you were a fucking sex god or a Disney princess getting it on in the woods while music is playing and you're singing and shit and that just happened. Because…no, that's not normal. I don't know what you're thinking, but it's really not."

"Don't fucking destroy my fantasies!" Yugi cried, frustrated. "Now answer the trampoline question!"

The taller teen blinked once and then grinned wickedly. "I have no idea, little one, but, if you want, we can try it out some time."

He opened and closed his mouth and then nodded slowly. "But how will we know if the trampoline is actually bouncing or if it's just…us?"

He burst out laughing and reached forward to grasp his side, running his hand along his flank while the other looked completely serious, adamant about getting an answer about it all.

"How would the trampoline be bouncing if we weren't?" he purred, the smaller boy blinking and then blushing furiously after a moment; he still really needed to figure out what pie it was that Yugi had pledged to remain a virgin over. "I don't think trampolines will bounce without the people doing so on top."

Yugi nodded slightly after a moment and then turned away, getting up with a mumbled, "Bathroom time" before wandering off; Yami got up and curled up back under the covers but of course his bladder said he would get no relaxation as of yet.

The smaller teen came back in, asking, "So if we're bouncing, how do we know what the particularly good thrusts are if the trampoline is moving so much that you can't tell?"

Yami sat up, looking at him for a moment and briefly remembering Mana's words of "Why do teenage boys care about if a girl is a virgin or not? I mean, are they really that eager to be the first to disappoint me?"

Of course, Yugi wasn't a girl and Yami was pretty sure if that if they were both virgins, that they couldn't really have very many expectations and Yugi was super sensitive as it was, but the words still kind of made him wonder. Would it hurt? Who would rather be the one on bottom? What if he couldn't please Yugi?

"Yugi, they will all be good thrusts."

The smaller boy blinked and blushed for a second before his eyes grew wide. "O-oh." He paused. "But aren't there normally the sloppy ones and stuff like that?"

Yami blinked. "Not for us there aren't," he stated simply, raising his head defiantly. "There will only be good ones."

Yugi's eyes grew owlish for a moment before nodding, growing content. "Okay."

The red-eyed teen smiled and felt a little good that he was truly taking his word on that, trusting him enough to even visualize it, and suddenly he remembered he had to go pee and fled for the bathroom again.

The smaller boy watched him go and then snuggled into the bed, closing his eyes and waiting until he got back; as soon as he was under the covers with him, he asked, "Which one of us do you think is going to top?"

"Uh…"

"Fantasies aside, do you think you'll top or me?"

"I—I, uh…" He blinked and stared at the smaller teen who studied his face with wide eyes. "I don't, I don't know…"

"Hmm…okay then. We'll rock-paper-scissors it."

Yami burst out laughing but couldn't help nodding. "Okay!"

The smaller teen grabbed him and pulled him to him tightly, smiling widely. "Now go back to sleep, we still have a few hours to sleep in until you're going to have to run, okay?"

A few hours later, Yugi found himself eating a granola bar to make sure that he wasn't completely starving when his parents took him out for brunch as he knew they would; he nudged a sleeping Yami and watched him curl up tightly, ignoring him.

"Come on, koi, please, you need to get up and go home. My parents are going to be here soon enough."

"Ssh, no Yugi. No," he whispered, pulling the covers around him tighter and snuggling further into the pillow. "I can't leave yet. The blankets have finally accepted me as one of their own. If I were to leave now, I might lose their trust."

The blue-violet-eyed boy smiled widely and shook his head slowly, reaching over and running his hand down his side. "Come on, wake up, koi…"

He huffed but suddenly rolled onto his back, staring up at him curiously for a moment and searching his face slowly, as if studying before he whispered, "I had this dream last night where you were working at this new pizza restaurant down the street from Burger World and you were my family's waiter for the night and so I'm over there studying the menu because fuck me, it had an amazing selection."

Yugi blinked and tilted his head, curiosity burning in his bright eyes.

"So anyways, I'm thinking about what to get and I look you dead in the eye and I said, 'I want a double penetration pizza' instead of double pepperoni…and it was in front of my whole family and your grandpa and"—he glared in annoyance as Yugi burst out laughing and covered his mouth, eyes shining with such amusement that his entire face lit up—"Yes, Yugi, laugh, laugh at my failure!"

Yugi held his hands up, guffawing, "What the hell did you expect me to do? I can't—that's hilarious! Why would you even tell me that?"

Yami huffed softly. "I…I thought you might like to know…? I don't know why the fuck I just told you that story," he admitted, snickering. "I just…figured I would put it out there."

The smaller boy grinned and moved to kiss his cheek while the taller stretched and pushed the blankets off slowly, shirt riding up and giving Yugi that little bit of golden-bronze skin that made him shiver slightly in pure desire.

By the gods, that skin tone…

"Like what you see?"

"Why so cheesy, Yami?"

"Why so cheeky, Yugi?"

Both of them smirked at each other for a second and then the taller got up and looked himself over before turning back, feeling a little sick, anxiety suddenly clear on his face as they stared at each other.

"Do I need to wear something special or anything like that?"

Yugi blinked and shook his head slowly. "Um, I'll text you the details, okay?"

Yami took a second to remember that he had said his parents would be bringing him a new phone. "Okay."

The smaller teen paused and rocked back and forth on the balls of his feet. "I'll, uh, text you and you can come meet me here and we can talk for a few minutes before we go, okay?"

The other boy nodded slowly, a small smirk threatening to claim his lips before he nodded again. "Yeah, okay, thanks aibou. Just…be sure to tell me if your parents are expecting something special as far as where we're going and stuff, yes?"

"Of course."

"Good, that's good." He nodded slowly and as they started out the room and downstairs; the smaller teen was already dressed and Yami had slept in his clothes so it didn't take nearly as much time as it should have to get out of the house.

Yugi suddenly blurted out, "You know, laughing is kind of wonderful" as the other boy stepped out.

Yami turned around, confused as he took in the other boy. "Um…okay?"

The smaller teen blinked and tilted his head, grinning as he said, "I mean, how awesome is it that laughter is produced because your body can't contain the joy?"

"Oh, I see," he chuckled, shaking his head kissing his forehead with a wave of his hand. "See you later."

"Okay!"

---

Yugi texted him at the last second that there was a small change in plans; at first he got excited as all hell thinking that maybe this entire dinner-family-meeting thing was going to cease altogether, but then he texted him that instead of meeting him at the game shop, he was going to meet him over at the house.

"Wait a second, you're going to meet me here?" Yami demanded, eyes wide as he paced his floor for a second; of course, that made it easier as far as the surprise he had for Yugi, but what the fuck did that mean for his parents? "What about your…?"

"Okay, so here's the deal. My parents want half an hour to just see how much has changed in Domino and that gives us some time together at your house before we go to mine where we'll meet them and…I don't know if they've decided to go out to eat or if they're going to make something. I don't…They said they want it to be a surprise."

"Oh gods."

"Seriously, it'll be okay. I promise. Nothing…nothing bad is going to happen, okay?"

Yami huffed softly but sighed out a quiet, "Yeah, all right" despite it all.

"Okay, so…can I see you in a few minutes?"

"A few…? Uh, yeah, sure."

This was kind of getting out of hand but at the same time, he couldn't truly find it in himself to care that much; he had to deal with the parents, and this little slip up of time and being unable to figure out what the hell they were truly doing, was completely second in comparison. He had to figure out a way to make sure they liked him.

But first he was going to screw with Yugi's head a little.

"Answer the door for me when he gets here and tell him to come into my room," Yami murmured to his sister.

"Why?"

"I'll give you five bucks if you want. Just do it, yeah?"

Mana pursed her lips but nodded after a long minute. "Okay, but make it ten."

"You greedy little bitch," he commented, slipping his wallet out and handing it over to her. "I'm so proud of you."

The blonde smirked, kissed his cheek, and ran down the stairs. "Okay, no worries."

Yugi came a few minutes later, surprised out of his mind when it was her to answer and not Yami himself, confused slightly but smiling a little in amusement as she bounced around, chattering softly about New Year's resolutions and how she wondered if he had any—which he didn't, except maybe, hopefully, in terms of good news for Yami, to get laid but he wasn't holding his breath on that one because, honestly, he was so terrified of that thought it wasn't even funny—and jumped a mile when Bakura came around from the living room, pointing a Nerf gun at him and hitting him in the forehead with one of the darts.

"Oh, wow, my bad, thought you were Yami."

"Oh bull," he snorted, rolling his eyes and handing the dart back to him with a laugh. "You're such an ass."

"So what are you doing here?" the silver-haired teen asked, glancing over his shoulder and looking for what Yugi supposed was probably his little Nerf-partner Malik who was hiding off somewhere.

"I need to talk to Yami real fast."

"Ooh, trouble in paradise? Remember, you always have second options."

Yugi grinned and poked him in the chest. "You only want me for my little outbursts, jackass."

Bakura nodded slowly. "I agree. That is a very desirable trait I've never found in anyone else," he snickered, raising a brow. "Why not search for the more…unique traits in a partner?"

"You keep hitting on me and I'm not going to protect you from Yami if he loses his shit."

The silver-haired teen went to say he could handle him but then remembered the last time he had gotten into a fight with him; Yami didn't pull back punches when he was truly pissed and if he was jealous and went off on Timaeus like that, risking getting his ass kicked by Helmos and Critias as well, he so didn't want to push it.

"Touché."

Yugi smirked and turned to the blonde. "Where is your brother anyways?"

"Yami!" she called up the stairs. "Yugi is here!"

"Oh, yeah, come on up here, aibou!"

"'Aibou'," Bakura purred, smirking at him as Yugi flipped him off and headed up the stairs immediately, heading into Yami's room and freezing in place.

"Oh…oh, my fuck…W-why?" he managed to sputter, gawking and trying in vain to lift his jaw from the floor again.

Yami blinked once and then looked himself over in the full-body mirror, admiring his handiwork and turning back, raising a brow. "No like?" he asked, trying for a weak French accent that made Yugi grow even more mortified, looking ready to cry.

"I…I can't…I-is that permanent?" the smaller boy choked out weakly, a soft whine in the back of his throat at the sight in front of him; dark brown hair, with teal lingering in it and only noticeable when Yami stepped forward beneath the light of the bright white bulbs in his lamp. He was about to vomit.

"Mm…I have no idea…" He stated, reaching up and running his hand through his hair slowly; ooh, so soft.

"Oh my god!" Yugi cried, eyes blurring violently with tears, feeling sick to his stomach as he gestured him over wildly; the red-eyed teen went over immediately and the smaller boy grabbed his head, sobbing loudly. "Why would you do this to your hair?!"

"Well, you liked it on Timaeus."

He said that as if it made everything okay.

"But you're not Timaeus!" Yugi snarled angrily, clenching his jaw so sharply that it was beginning to hurt.

"Well, obviously!" Yami scoffed, huffing softly before his voice turned dejected. "Otherwise you would have noticed me at the tournament instead."

Yugi shook his head violently in denial. "No, no, no, no!" he cried loudly, running his hands through his hair again and feeling ready to sob even harder. "Y-you…No! Timaeus isn't you! I couldn't give less of a shit about him."

Yami raised a brow when the smaller boy sniffled but didn't argue as he said, "Your hair…it was so perfect and now…Oh, Yami!"

"…Perfect?" Yami echoed softly, grinning slightly as he blinked slowly. "You think my hair…is perfect?"

"Was!" Yugi snarled angrily. "Was! I thought it was perfect, goddamn it! Now it's…dead. I hate it."

The taller teen narrowed his eyes in confusion. "But you said you liked it before—"

"Goddamn it, Yami!" the smaller boy cried, glaring and starting to pick through his hair, barely resisting a sob; how had he managed to get his hair styled like this and everything? "It was nice when it was new, but now…"

"So…not magnificent? Is that what you're saying?"

"I hate you for doing this!" Yugi spat, pausing and growling, "It's like you're trying to drive me insane!"

"…Well, technically—"

"No. No. No innuendos from you. I am mad at you."

Yami straightened after a moment, watching his face and smirking slightly. "It's a wig."

Yugi's lip curled back in disbelief, voice coming out in a high-pitched screech. "What?!"

Okay, so, um, this was starting to not be as funny as he was thinking…

"It, uh…y-yeah, it's a wig," he laughed nervously.

The smaller teen took a single step back, suddenly looking insanely calm. "I'm going to kill you."

"Please don't. I'm still a virgin."

Yugi felt his eye twitch. "Then you'll die a virgin."

"I…I haven't even experienced a blowjob yet," Yami argued, whining in the back of his throat. "Killing me would be cruel and unusual punishment."

"Plenty of virgins die every year."

"Yeah, for like…fucking satanic rituals or some shit!"

"Your cat gets too much worship!" Yugi blurted out, eyes widening drastically before freezing in place and feeling sick to his stomach. "That…Get that shit off of your head!"

"Okay, okay!" Yami snapped, moving away from him and grabbing the wig and tossing it aside, tearing the hairnet off and quickly running his hands through the soft locks as they bounced back to life immediately. "There. Okay? Now, you can have the wig and pet it like you did Timaeus!"

"Come here!" he demanded sharply, gesturing him over and glaring angrily.

"No. Fuck you. I don't want to," the red-eyed teen spat, huffing as he took a seat on his bed, sulking with his arms crossed. "Pet his hair and leave me alone."

Yugi groaned and rolled his eyes, fighting off the urge to start yelling. "Why are you so jealous, all the time?"

"Says the boy who had a fit when some fan texted his boyfriend calling him 'her pharaoh'," Yami scoffed.

"Fine, you know what?!" Yugi cried, glaring, "I hate your hair! Timaeus's is so soft and silky and yours feels like straw!"

"Take that back!" Yami snapped, getting up with a dramatic gasp.

"Never!" Yugi sneered.

For a long minute neither of them spoke and then the smaller teen wandered over and plopped down next to him.

"You know, this fight isn't going to make me change my mind about you meeting my parents."

"Goddamn it."

"Hey, but at least, it's…getting some of the stress out, right?"

"Can't argue with that," he snickered.

Yugi nodded a little and crossed his legs, tilting his head thoughtfully. "Hey, so, um…what does BDSM mean anyways?"

"Badass Deviant Sperm Monkeys."

"…No, Yami, what does it really mean?"

"Bedroom Discipline Sadism Masochism."

"…I don't think 'bedroom' fits in there," he admitted after a long minute, reaching over and running his hand through the other boy's hair, Yami's head turning slightly in surprise.

"Who cares what the B stands for anyways?" he snorted.

"I'm kind of curious now, honestly," he muttered, pursing his lips and pausing slowly as he pulled his hand away from the other boy's hair. "Although I do like Badass Deviant Sperm Monkeys. A lot."

Yami sulked slightly. "You'd be petting me for real if I was Timaeus."

Yugi gave a small nod. "True."

The other teen gawked at him for a moment but Yugi didn't say anything else, instead grinning and crawling into his lap, throwing his arms around his neck and purring, "But I'll only do this because you're Yami."

The taller teen purred loudly as the smaller boy kissed him and slowly, softly, just barely even touching him, rubbed hips with him and ground gently into him until they both moaning. Then he jumped off his lap and dusted himself off in one fast movement, the taller boy startled by the sudden movement until he heard his sister and Bakura running up the stairs.

"Did you hear about next Monday is at school?" Mana asked excitedly.

"I told you not to interrupt," Bakura scoffed, gesturing. "He needs to take care of his business and you just walked in on that shit, you moron."

The blonde blinked, glanced at Yugi's crotch, went bug-eyed, and turned away immediately, blinking in shock. "O-oh…"

"What's on Monday?"

"Pajama day!"

"Do they still do pajama days?"

"What would you do if I showed up to school naked on pajama day?"

Yami stopped short and stared at her, narrowing his eyes into slits and hissing, "If you showed up to school naked on pajama day, I would crop your hair and fucking call you Miley Cyrus for the rest of your life, bitch. You don't come to school naked! That's a job for me when I become a nudist!

Mana gawked and shook her head. "I knew you were going to become a fucking nudist!"

"Damn straight I am!"

Yugi blinked and looked over slowly. "Is that what we're going to be doing later in life?"

Yami nodded immediately.

Yugi pursed his lips and sighed softly. "I think I should start working out…"

The other teen burst out laughing and smirked while Mana and Bakura stared at one another for a split second before turning their heads and gawking at the two look-alikes, blinking in shock.

"So, uh, shrimp said he had to talk to you about something?"

"Yeah, family dinner thing," Yami sighed, immediately out of his happy little bubble; fucking bubble-popping blowhard that the silver-haired teen was.

"Oh shit, a family date with you two losers?" Bakura murmured, smirking widely. "Fuck yes! I can't wait to see this shit!"

"Well, too bad, asshat, cause it's only going to be me and Yugi and his parents and—Ra, Yugi, are you sure we couldn't just skip this shit?" Yami cried pitifully.

"No."

"You mean, no you're not sure or no as in we can't?"

"We can't."

"Hey, does your dad have any facial hair or anything?" Mana asked suddenly, making all of them stare at her in surprise. "Because, you know, guys who can pull off facial hair are so hot."

Yugi blinked once. "I think you're supposed to use a razor."

The other three snickered and rolled their eyes while Yugi shook his head and sighed softly; goddamn it, he really needed to figure out some kind of way to stop blurting things out before they got to his parents…

---

"If this actually doesn't go very well, it'll most likely be me," he admitted softly, frowning as he tapped his nails against the table and looked at Yami who blinked and tipped his head upwards, confused.

"What?"

"I mean, the blurting things out. They're used to it, but honestly, anything could come out and they could find out something odd about us or something, so just…be aware, okay?"

"Oh yes, trust me, I am well aware of your capabilities to blurt out the strangest things," he chuckled.

"Yeah, but, I mean, if this doesn't go well, they probably won't want me to have you around while they're here, so, in case that happens, I just wanted you to know that…we might have to do something like stay-in dates at your house or sneaking around over here or something?"

"Oh please, Yugi, you know I don't think you understand that you could literally invite me over to sit on your floor and watch a shitty movie. I'm really not hard to please, aibou. You don't even have to feed me! Very low maintenance boyfriend right here. I just need to get the fuck out the house and spend time with you," Yami snorted, rolling his eyes. "So, sneaking around over here or going out on short five-minute dates or something? Great. No complaints."

"Well…I'm the same. But…not with the food part," he muttered, blinking and looking down. "You had better fucking feed me."

Yami chuckled in amusement and went to wink at him as he said, "Oh, I can feed you, trust me" but accidentally ended up blinking instead.

Yugi snickered and smiled widely, raising a brow slowly. "Oh, koi, did you just wink at me with both eyes at once?"

Yami nodded after a moment, smirking. "It means I find you twice as attractive!"

Twenty minutes later, Yami met the parents and the first thing that came out of his mouth was, "You know, I like it when people with prescription glasses misplace them somewhere" after spotting the lenses that Yugi's father sported.

His parents stared for a long time.

"Because then they're forced to go around looking like they're suspicious of everything in the room," Yami announced just as boyfriend's eyes widened and his own red ones narrowed. "'What about you, cabinet? Huh, you sketchy piece of shit? Did you take them?'"

"And here I was worried it would be me that made the fool of themselves," Yugi commented so quietly that they almost didn't hear before Yami's head snapped around and he blushed harshly, opening and closing his mouth before looking sick to his stomach.

"Um, well…I was thinking that we would…eat in, especially now," his mother announced, frowning slightly and giving Yami a slightly disapproving look while his dad kind of smiled but made it look more like a grimace that had the red-eyed teen's stomach flipping violently.

Oh.

Fucking.

Gods.

He had just fucked up, not even ten minutes into meeting them.

Life was just getting to be too fucking hard.

Yugi turned his head and smiled at him suddenly, asking, "How about we go watch TV for a few minutes?" in which Yami nodded immediately and both of them scurried out of the kitchen and into the living room.

"Um, Mom, wait, what did you get for dinner?"

"I was going to make beef—"

"Yami is vegetarian…He only eats fish and chicken and turkey."

Both his parents looked at him as if he had begun speaking Latin in the most demonic voice anyone could ever possess, appearing almost heartbroken and sick to their stomachs and just plain terrified by this news.

"I…Okay. I'll go back to the store," his mom said uneasily, staring at Yami as if he was going to sprout wings and breathe fire at any moment. "Maybe we can have salmon or something…"

"You do like salmon, right, son?" his dad asked immediately after, staring at the red-eyed teen as if he were some kind of foreign species.

"Yes…I like salmon…a lot."

"He likes all fish but cod, right?" Yugi asked, glancing at Yami who blinked twice.

"And squid…and octopus…and anchovies."

"At this rate we might as well just buy a freaking pizza," his father grumbled.

"Dad!" Yugi snapped sharply.

Both his parents stared at him in pure shock for a moment before glancing at Yami who blinked and blushed after a few seconds, opening and closing his mouth before turning away to stare at the TV as if mesmerized. By the gods, why couldn't something actually good be playing for once?

"Allow me to join you on your trip to the store," his dad announced, blinking once before they both wandered off.

"Oh my gods."

"I should have warned you. Dad is, uh…super sensitive about his glasses."

Yami blinked slowly. "I think I need to go throw up some…"

"No, it's okay. I promise it is."

The red-eyed teen shook his head. "I can't…Yugi, that was not…"

"My parents are all about eating meat," Yugi said with a small frown, shaking his head slowly. "They…You being a vegetarian just threw them."

"No, Yugi, you don't…" Yami shook his head more violently and swallowed so hard that he almost vomited from the motion. "I can't do this…"

"Yami, please," Yugi mumbled, moving to wrap his arms around him and press his cheek into his, breathing a little harder. "It's not…I promise it's okay. I just didn't get the chance to explain to them any of what was going on and now they're just…sulking a little."

"Yugi…"

"I promise it will be okay. You just have to stick it out or they'll really disapprove of us being together," Yugi whispered. "It's an intimidation technique, anyways. My dad always said that if my spouse couldn't handle the situation when it got rougher than average or something like that, then they weren't worth sticking by."

"Sounds like pretty sane advice," he admitted, feeling sick to his stomach.

"So, if you run, it's all over as far as they're concerned, okay?"

Yami nodded slowly and pressed a little bit of weight into his cheek, leaning forward some more and going to kiss his forehead thoughtfully; he could stick this out. "As long as I don't end up vomiting, it's all good…r-right?"

Yugi snickered softly and kissed his cheek. "I don't think you'll vomit."

"You obviously don't know what stress and fear do to me."

"I would assume that's what made you like that on the rollercoaster."

"That and the food. I needed something better and stuffed myself with candy and soda. Not a smart move on my behalf."

"Wait, so you knew that you would end up vomiting?"

"Well…yeah, of course I did."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because then you wouldn't have gone on the ride."

"You willingly vomited for me just to go on a ride?"

Yami opened and closed his mouth before nodding with a small shrug. "I did."

Yugi blinked and snuggled into him after a long moment; this beautiful bastard. "Thank you."

"Anything for you."

"I love you."

"Love you too."

"Now we just…await my parents' return with bated breath."

"Mm, of course."

"You know, you certainly are a stressful little aibou to have."

Yugi grinned. "Stress means it's actually worth it."

Yami chuckled and stared at the TV screen where he saw some alligator going up against a tiger over a carcass. "Yeah."

The tiger won its meal back after ten minutes of struggle in which Yugi's parents finally walked in and his father huffed, "He can watch animals eating each other but he won't eat meat himself. What kind of craziness is this?"

Yami ignored him while Yugi shot him a glare that made him turn away with another huff and his mom rolled her eyes and started to turn on the stove.

"Just stay calm, okay? Don't let them stress you out."

"That's impossible to do now."

"So, Yami…are you religious?" his mom asked twenty minutes after they had gotten home, two minutes into a rather joyfully silent meal that Yami had been savoring; damn her for popping his bubble.

His eyes widened drastically; oh gods, dinosaurs versus again… "Uh…n-no?" he managed around a hard swallow.

"Don't mind her," his dad interrupted, turning on them immediately and really staring at Yami as if he could see into his soul with those glasses of his; the red-eyed teen supposed that would be the only benefit of such large lenses. "I swear she has no tact."

He offered a small, weak smile, hoping and knowing without a doubt that the subject would not be dropped.

"So…" He leaned forward, making sure to bite into the salmon on his fork as if it were more than just fish, only succeeding in making Yami so happy that it wasn't because he didn't want to see that shit tearing when he bit into it; the good thing about fish was that it didn't tear like other meats. "Why aren't you religious?"

"Why, for the glory of Satan, of course!" His eyes nearly popped out of his head with his statement and Yugi dropped his fork next to him; for a second he thought he was going to say he was joking or reprimand him but instead he turned his head and blurted out, "All hail!"

"Hearsay the morning star!" Yami cried, opening and closing his mouth and trying hard not to speak again; no wonder Yugi had such trouble with this. It was so impossible to stop…

"Celebrities ain't got nothing on him!" Yugi exclaimed immediately.

The taller teen blinked and then reached over and clamped his hand over Yugi's mouth, leaning forward to whisper in his ear. "Could you just…discreetly stab me under the table?"

Yugi's parents both gave him pityingly awkward smiles, as if they had been suspicious of Yugi's little trait being infectious and Yami wanted to protest this but fought back that urge immediately; how sane would it seem if he accused them of that while he was holding their son's mouth and feeling the blood under his skin as he blushed so violently against his palm?

Oh gods. Oh holy fucking gods!

They were judging him now!

Oh gods, he had stopped the conversation and now they were getting to be judgmental and stuff and…!

He jerked his hand away from Yugi in order to gesture wildly, eyes wide as he cried, "I didn't convert him, I swear! He worshipped before he knew me!"

"I like Pentagrams!" Yugi said immediately.

"Ha!" Yami exclaimed, pointing.

"They're like…regular stars but with lines!" the smaller announced, drawing one in the air for a second and making Yami's rationality fly out the window as he blurted out, "He—He converted me!"

"They taught me how to at school!" Yugi said too loudly, looking at Yami with wild eyes for a second; oh gods, they were going to go insane at this rate.

"See? I told you he shouldn't date so young," his mom whispered, leaning over to talk to her husband with her eyes on the two teens, pity and confusion and just plain disappointment shining there.

"If children don't date young they might die from hormonal buildup or turn into prostitutes!" his father objected softly, not quite whispering but not murmuring either. "Or, in our case, he'd be the one paying for the prostitutes!"

Yugi's head snapped towards his boyfriend. "You're a prostitute!" he shouted awkwardly.

"H-huh?" Yami sputtered, gawking at him.

His mom closed her eyes tightly and her husband covered his mouth, laughing around his palm and shaking his head slowly while Yugi quickly clamped his hands over his lips with his eyes darting around wildly for an escape route.

"I think…my brain just stopped…"

"Does not compute," Yugi blurted out.

"Keep your satanic sayings to yourself!" Yami cried, turning on him and huffing.

"All the worship!" the smaller teen screeched, opening and closing his mouth and then burying his face in his hands before Yami weaseled his fingers under his palms and covered his lips, which somehow led to Yugi mimicking him on his face, both of them looking at each other awkwardly.

"Well, um, okay. That aside—"

"Tell me, Yami, have you ever wanted to be baptized?"

Yami blinked a few times and Yugi slowly pulled his hands away from his mouth, turning wide eyes on his boyfriend who mumbled, "…That's like…where you have to get wet…right?"

"It's where you wash away your sins and embrace God," his mother supplied, with a clear look that said they both needed Jesus.

Yami frowned. "But it involves getting wet, right?"

"Well, you're washing away—"

"Does it involve getting wet or not?" the red-eyed teen interrupted immediately; he didn't care about the symbolism. He wanted to know if there was actual fucking water getting on his skin involved with this.

"Yes, Yami, it involves getting wet," Yugi's mother sighed, already knowing the answer.

"Then no. I don't like being wet."

"But you're Mr. Coffee with an automatic drip!" Yugi blurted out before covering his mouth with his hands again.

Yami felt his eyes nearly bug out of his head. "I knew I shouldn't have ever let you listen to my iPod!" he cried, making his boyfriend's face turn bright red as he ducked his head and wished for the floor to open up beneath his feet.

His father was gawking, sputtering, "What are you? A sexual deviant?"

"I can't help it!" Yami protested immediately, voice taking on a slightly whiny edge. "I'm hormonal!"

His dad's eyes nearly popped out of his head and Yami literally found himself imagining them knocking his glasses right off his nose so that they hit the table and he was left half-blind and gawking at him like an idiot. Then he was squinting at him because he couldn't see his face and growling out, "What the fuck did you just do, son? What the fuck is this? You sketchy little shit! See what you did? You took my goddamned glasses. Sketchy little shit."

Oh gods…was he talking out loud?

His mouth opened and closed and Yugi saved him when he cried out, "You and me, baby, ain't nothing but mammals, so let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel. Getting horny now!"

His parents gawked as if they had never seen him before in their lives and Yami was struggling to keep his head on straight; had he spoken out loud or not?

But more concerning, was the fact that Yugi was about to belt out another lyric from The Bad Touch and he couldn't let that shit happen again.

"Oh my Ra! Stop singing that song!" he hissed, covering his mouth and feeling Yugi mumble around it with a soft and thoroughly embarrassed, "I can't help it. It's so catchy!"

"I know. It's my theme song," Yami stated casually.

Yugi continued blushing, whispering, "We shouldn't be allowed to meet new people" as if it were some kind of new realization.

"It should be a law," Yami agreed quietly.

"C-can I just…uh…go upstairs and smother myself?" he mumbled, pursing his lips.

Yami leaped to his feet eagerly. "Allow me to join you!"

Yugi nodded just as eagerly and both of them dashed off for his room, slamming the door immediately and making Mrs. Motou turn to her husband, voice mocking as she drawled, "'Oh, he's not too young, sweetie. He's not too naïve.'"

Mr. Motou blinked. "Those words sound familiar." His wife groaned and shook her head and he huffed, "Hey, you're the one who wanted kids! I told you I wasn't ready!"

"I should have listened to my gut when you said you wanted to name him 'Gotham'."

"Hey! Gotham is a brilliant name!"

Both of them sat in silence for a long minute.

"…You think his awkwardness reflects on our parenting skills?"

"If it does, we'll say he's adopted."

"That's horrible!" his wife gasped, shocked.

"He'll understand," her husband objected.

Mrs. Motou stayed silent for a moment. "His grandfather raised him."

"Deal!"

Yugi shook his head and sighed, putting his chin in his hands while Yami sat in front of him and sighed out, "I'm sorry I couldn't keep from…doing that. I tried. I just…I really can't deal with important authority figures. I…I really suck at even attempting it."

The smaller teen looked at him and smiled weakly, eyes soft despite the tension in his spine. "It's okay, koi," he murmured, reaching out and brushing his fingers over his cheeks. "You tried. That's what I asked you to do."

He stayed quiet for a long minute and shook his head, slightly awed before leaning into him and hugging him tightly. "You're too good for me."

"What?" he mumbled, startled and blinking shocked eyes. "Yami, that's not true—"

"Are you fucking shitting me?" he hissed. "It definitely is. You deserve a lot better."

"Yami—"

He traced a foreign pattern across his back and Yugi shuddered, cut off by the action as he swallowed and licked his lips, biting his lip to keep from crying; his parents were easygoing on some things but that first meeting with Yami couldn't be even remotely close to what they were expecting when he said that he would let them meet his boyfriend. Especially after all that talk about the devil…

Oh gods, he would never live that down. They would either blame his grandpa for it or something stupid like that; he closed his eyes and pressed his weight into the other teen entirely. He could always sneak around with him, but that would be worse than not being able to see him at all…

"We'll figure it out," he announced, more to himself than the other male. "They can go die somewhere if they think they're breaking us up."

Yami blinked in shock but didn't comment, instead letting out a soft noise of acknowledgment and puffing out his cheeks.

For a moment there was silence and then, "So, um…not to be rude or anything, but…if we're going to be forced apart—can we have sex first?"

Yugi burst out laughing, kissing his neck and snuggling into him. "You're such a pervert."

"Life is great that way."

"Can our first time be on a trampoline?" Yugi asked suddenly. "Then we can make a lot of noise without even trying and we can just jump around afterwards and…it doesn't even have to be an outside trampoline!"

"You don't want to face battle in the rain with me on a trampoline while we're making love?" Yami asked, sounding almost hurt. "What kind of relationship do you take this for? We have to do these things or it's not love!"

The smaller teen snickered and whispered, "But what if we get so horny that we can't even function straight and then we're like looking around for a trampoline but can't find one and the weather is too clear to rain?"

"Are you challenging our ideal first time? I will have you know that I will raise this event to having a dog tied to the trampoline while we're making love with face battles in the rain. Throw in Milky Way sitting in a tree, yowling because she's wet, and Mana's hamster squeaking in the background because he's jealous that my cat is beautiful and he's a piece of shit."

Yugi burst out laughing, sputtering and then shaking his head. "Oh my gods, that is the perfect first time ever."

"I think so too."

"Um…why do you hate her hamster so much?"

"He's not a hamster. He's a goddamned rat and no one likes him. All he does is eat and run around in that wheel and squeak at us."

"…How do hamsters even survive?" Yugi muttered suddenly. "I mean…How the hell…?"

"Don't ask me."

Yugi paused and suddenly pulled away, staring at him. "Um, you do realize that just because I'm joking about it doesn't mean that we're going to have sex soon, right?" he mumbled, blinking wide eyes.

"Oh please, Yugi," Yami scoffed, rolling his eyes and giving him a broad smile, "we'll have sex whenever you decide you want to have sex. You want to have sex in five minutes, then let's do it. You want to have sex after twenty dates, we'll do it. You want to never have sex, that's fine too. But you better know that I am going to make innuendoes no matter what you say. Why? Because they're fun as fuck."

"How would you know? You've never fucked."

"Oh, oh really now, Yugi? You want to start messing with me?"

"…In retrospect, that was a cruel joke. I'm sorry."

"Damn straight you are."

"So…how are you going to live if we never have sex anyways?" Yugi asked suddenly. "I mean, like…we never have sex and then you're just like a pervert and you can touch me all you want but I mean…how does that work?"

"I should show you my vibrating super realistic, clear-assed, she-male, two-headed, three-boobed, squirting, with a moving tongue, feet-heated sex doll."

"…If it growls obscenities in a demonic voice, I want three."

"Not only! It officially has the most beautiful ear-tentacles you will ever see."

Yugi's eyes nearly popped out of his head. "But does it shape-shift?"

Yami opened and closed his mouth a couple of times before throwing his hands up. "Well, it does now!" he announced, grabbing him and pulling him into a tight embrace, stroking his hair. "The perfection!"

Yugi snorted and hugged him back, rolling his eyes. "You have a great imagination."

"You're the one who added in shape-shifting and demonic voices."

"Please, I just added on the necessities for any good sex toy."

Yami burst out laughing and the smaller boy snickered against his shoulder before they both stopped short at a knock on the door, eyes widening as their heads turned and his mom asked, "I thought you two boys might want some pie?"

Yugi pushed Yami off of him so fast the other didn't get to think straight. "Chocolate cream?" he demanded, peeking out the door.

"Yeah, your favorite."

Well…that answered the mystery of what pie Yugi had pledged his virginity on a second slice for.

"Ooh, thank you!" he muttered, kissing her cheek and fleeing into the kitchen while Yami blinked a few times and then jumped to his feet and hurried after him, not wanting a single second alone with his mother because he thought he might die if that happened.

Yugi had his slice and was digging in when he got over to the table, the taller teen grabbing his own and taking a bite; the moment he turned his attention away when his phone buzzed in his pocket, he found his boyfriend stealing a bite from it.

"Yugi."

"You snooze you lose."

Yami stared at him for a long minute and then took another bite, glaring at him while the other boy growled when he pointed his fork at his slice, waggling the utensil in front of his face and forgetting that Yugi's parents even existed until…

"So, let me ask you something, Yami."

He swallowed hard, the pie going from cold to insanely hot in his throat as it slid down.

"What would you do if Yugi were put in the hospital for weeks and—?"

"I would sent him nudes as a get well soon gift," he stated immediately without thought, eyes widening before he made a sobbing noise and covered his face with his hands. "Kill me."

"Is sex all you think about?" Yugi laughed next to him, glancing at his boyfriend's pie and thinking about grabbing another forkful but shying away when he dragged his hands along his face and mumbled, "No. It's just…Even when I'm not horny, I'm still pretty fucking horny."

Yugi groaned and shook his head, laughing again while Yami finally turned his attention to the pie and poked at some of the chocolate layering.

The smaller teen turned to him suddenly. "How would you even start sex? Like kiss, kiss—'Oh! Look! I'm inside you!'" he muttered, making Yami choke and hack, covering his mouth and staring at him with wide eyes.

Either Yugi was trying to take the attention off him or he was getting really awkward.

"I…I would imagine there are more steps than that," Yami sputtered, swallowing hard and blinking wide eyes.

"I don't know. Porn makes it look that easy," he muttered.

Yami nearly fell out of his seat. "Oh my gods. Did you really just…? I didn't…You watch porn?"

Yugi opened and closed his mouth and ducked his head. "No…?"

"You sound so sure of yourself," Yami chuckled.

"I…No!"

"Oh my gods, you so do!"

"No…T-there—It was a link, Yami!"

"How many did you watch?"

"One."

"I don't believe that for a second."

"Okay, okay…two."

"Three?"

"Six, okay?" Yugi huffed. "I…the names were just so curious and I…"

Yami burst out laughing and Yugi's parents stared at them as if they had both lost their minds, with those expressions that said that they so needed Jesus but they had no idea how to tell them so they just stayed quiet.

He was starting to think that maybe they were wondering how the hell they managed to handle each other and might have been a little amazed because that was definitely showing on Yugi's mom's face at the moment. Such an insanely beautiful expression.

Both of them went quiet for a long moment.

"Hey, so, um…after we're done with our pie, can I go to Yami's house?"

His parents swapped looks and Yami felt like his skin was going to crawl off with the way the tension was starting to grow a little in the room, something that made his spine rigid.

Well…at least they couldn't get at him for his posture.

He had a perfectly straight back, after all.

"I suppose," his mom sighed. "But be back before midnight."

"I'll get him a cab," Yami stated immediately, the smaller boy pursing his lips.

"I can't just stay over?"

"We wanted to spend some time with you," his dad said as if it should have been obvious.

Yugi went to argue but then realized how stupid that would be and nodded after a moment. "Okay, before midnight." But that didn't stop him from eating his pie at the speed of light and looking at Yami who gaped at him with his forkful halfway to his mouth.

Oh, he wanted to leave now…

Well…that was a little awkward.

Damn, they needed like…fucking memos or code words or some shit like that.

Definitely needed them.

He scrambled to eat his pie just as fast and choked when Yugi leaped to his feet, grabbing his arm and jerking him out of his seat; he barely managed to shout a weak, "Thank you for dinner, Mrs. Motou. Nice meeting you both. I had a nice time" before he was dragged out the door.

Yugi immediately grabbed him into a tight embrace and breathed into his shoulder, mumbling, "You did great. See? I told you you didn't have to worry."

"Bullshit," he hissed, rolling his eyes. "We started talking about porn over dessert. You think that got me points?"

"I think the fact that you didn't freak out and teased me instead of running off with your tail between your legs got you points. I mean, my parents always said that I would need a boyfriend who could handle my…spontaneous mouth."

Yami blinked. "Now that sounds like a porno title. 'Spontaneous Mouth' where the woman or man will put anything in their mouths."

"…You mean like you and the remote?"

Yami blinked and then purred, "Ah, yes, the remote."

Yugi snorted and laughed, smiling brightly. "The remote."

He nodded a little and took his hand when he pulled away, twining their fingers together and starting to walk with Yugi at his side. "Damn remote was going to go on an adventure."

"Except your gag reflex would have been very rude to it."

"Mm, true. So, um…not to say that your mom is a bad cook or anything or that…serving sizes are useless, but I'm still really hungry," he admitted, making Yugi grin and laugh, nodding. "So, when we get there, how about we order a pizza and just have fun for the rest of the night until you have to go?"

"Okay, sure."

"…And watch Jurassic Park?"

Yugi blinked. "No, I think I'm okay without having your religion pushed on me."

"Damn it, all right. The dinosaurs will have another chance."

"No doubt," the smaller snorted, rolling his eyes. "And then you can show me why Steven is your god when I should be."

"Oh, you are my god. Just…my sex god and Steven is my…dinosaur-religion god."

"Wow, he stands for more things than me. We have to change that."

"You are my beautiful wild-monkey-make-up-sex-in-a-mall-fountain-sex god and we should really plan out this rainy day on a trampoline thing. I think that has to be the most amazing shit ever for a first time."

Yugi was still laughing at the excitement in his voice when they got back to his house and ordered the pizza, only quieting when they plopped on the couch and Yami laid his head on his lap while he stroked his hair.

"You know, little one," Yami commented suddenly, catching one of his hands and looking it over as he twined their fingers together again. "You have the cutest hands ever. But you know what would make them even cuter?"

"Um…moisturizer?" Yugi asked obliviously.

The taller teen sat up and lowered his voice to a sultry purr, whispering, "If they were down my pants."

Yugi gave him the most innocently oblivious look he had ever seen, blinking and furrowing his brows. "But…how would that be beneficial to my hands?" he asked, turning his attention to them and looking his palms over. "You can't moisturize your hands if they're down your boyfriend's pants!"

"Sure you can," Yami objected, smirking.

"Really?" the smaller asked, excited now, "How—Oh! No, no, oh hell no, back off with that! I've heard that's not a good moisturizer!"

Yami opened and closed his mouth and then narrowed his eyes. "What the fuck…? How did you end up looking that up?"

Yugi blinked wide eyes and then blushed. "I…I…There were links and I…I got curious."

"First porn and then hand moisturizers. I think that's enough internet for you."

The smaller teen ducked his head. "You're the one who looked up sex positions for two hours with me."

"Because I mean…what the fuck is up with all of those?!"

"Well they—know what? Never mind."

"Hey, you weren't complaining."

Yugi pursed his lips and nodded a little; he hadn't complained because it had been hilarious when Yami pointed at a position, gawked a little, and said, "What the hell is this? This isn't the fucking Olympics!" and all he could think was, The Fucking Olympics for the next twenty minutes of looking through those articles and pictures.

And that of course had awkwardly made him think about how the red-eyed teen next to him had called his cousin that day when he and Mana were going to celebrate their birthday the same day and were arguing over the kind of food they want, Italian or Mexican, and Bakura had told him to "Kill the spare" and Yami had spent the whole time at the restaurant staring at his little sister and thinking, The spare.

So then he had been giggling while Yami had been staring in confusion at the screen and both of them had ended up making jokes about some of it. Like one position looked like their legs were locked together and they were both on their hands and knees, bent backwards and Yugi couldn't figure out how that worked because, how the hell did you move in that kind of position?

"Pizza guy!" Yami shouted, getting to his feet immediately and running over to get the door; Yugi glanced up as the aroma hit his nose, grinning as he ran over and staring as he spotted Yusei there, blushing and looking incredibly embarrassed by the uniform he was wearing.

Both Yami and Yugi stared for the longest minute and then finally turned away from him, the smaller boy awkwardly mumbling, "Wow, you guys really don't look alike."

Yusei blinked in confusion. "What?"

Yami snorted, glancing over his shoulder and shaking his head, "Nothing, just something Yugi mentioned to me before."

"Wait, you two…?" He blinked again. "I didn't know you two were…"

The smaller teen looked at the pizza anxiously; oh gods, he was starving…

"Yeah, like…four…four months now?"

Yugi ignored that question, staring at the pizza and hissing, "Me wants."

"Yeah, okay, give me a second," Yami muttered, rolling his eyes and snickering before giving him his money. "Keep the change."

"Wait, why did he think we looked alike?"

The red-eyed teen stared for a second. "No reason. Move along now."

"But—"

Yami shook his head at him slowly and closed the door, handing the pizza over to the smaller teen who looked ready to tear the box open right there and eat it on the floor if he wasn't moved along to the table again.

"So, um, do I need to talk to you about how, if your mom can bribe you into agreeing to stay a virgin forever over a slice of pie, then I'm going to make you take back that promise with that same pie?" Yami asked suddenly.

Yugi looked confused. "I…Oh yeah!" He turned bright red in shock for a moment and then blinked twice.

"So, will you tell me what pie it is or must I figure it out myself? Was it the chocolate one we had tonight?" he muttered, grabbing a slice and pointing it at him. "Because you growled at me over that shit and I'm not happy about it."

Yugi blushed harder and quickly stuffed his face with some pizza, the taller teen narrowing his eyes at him; the smaller boy blinked wide eyes up at him and then immediately started pushing more of the slice into his mouth until he couldn't fit anymore and practically all but the crust was in there.

"Fucking hell," Yami mumbled, shocked out of his mind and staring at the way that Yugi's cheeks puffed outwards like a chipmunk's. "Now I understand why everyone laughed at me when I used to stuff whole pieces of toast into my mouth."

The smaller boy gave him a confused look and the red-eyed teen opened and closed his mouth once before turning away quickly.

"Nothing, don't worry about it. I didn't even mean to mention that."

Yugi shrugged and chewed at his mouthful happily, not even bothering to think about it as he took a seat, watching Yami with bright eyes; halfway through his second slice a knock on the door had the taller teen dashing off while the smaller watched and continued eating, getting a text and eyeing it warily when he saw that it was from his parents.

Yami opened the door with his pizza slice halfway to his mouth, staring as Mana blinked back at him and the police officer looked first at his pizza, then at him, then at his sister and finally took in Yugi who was still studying his phone as if it might explode at any moment.

"I don't know what the fuck you stole, but you better not drag me into it. This right here is pizza," Yami stated, staring at his sister and narrowing his eyes into slits. "And you know that I love my fucking pizza."

Mana gawked at him in pure shock; did he really just say that in front of an officer?

Couldn't he get in trouble for something like that?

She went to call him out on that only to find that the officer was snickering next to her, something that made her flush and wish she could disappear.

Yami turned his head to look over his shoulder, biting into his pizza and shouting, "Mom, Dad, Mana just got arrested! But they brought her back!"

That got Yugi's attention just enough to make him glance up and Mana wished he would have said something but then the small blue-violet-eyed boy was completely enraptured by his phone again, frowning and propping his chin in his hand with his left elbow against the table, lips pursed and a piece of pizza crust next to him.

"I wasn't arrested!" Mana sputtered, blushing harder.

"Then why the hell did an officer bring you here?" Yami snorted around his pizza, pausing to give the uniformed man a small sheepish smile. "I'm sorry. I know it seems like we're talking around you, but we're siblings and we do it to everyone. Now, I'm really interested in knowing why she's been arrested even though she's trying to deny it. But she's a liar anyways so I don't believe her when she talks most of the time as it is. I…I will trade you a piece of pizza for this story."

He could not be serious!

Right?

Yami smirked at his gawking sister and the officer snickered loudly, chuckling, "You see, your sister seemed to get a little lost in one of the…shadier parts of town and since it's dark, she got scared and called the police to give her a ride home."

He choked on his pizza, covering his mouth and laughing until he turned red in the face while his parents snickered as they came down the stairs, their daughter whining and then hurrying around her brother towards where Yugi was still staring at his phone while Yami doubled over, cracking up.

"Oh my god!" he laughed, sputtering. "Shit!"

"Thank you for bringing her home," his mom giggled, glancing at the blonde who huffed and grabbed some pizza.

"It was no problem ma'am."

"Oh, oh, oh god, oh my god!"

Yugi jumped up from his seat, screaming, "Fuck yes!" out of nowhere and Yami fell over onto the tile at the shocked looks on the officer and his parents' faces. The smaller teen blinked, glanced at them, and then scrambled off for the living room with such a red face that it put Yami's eyes to shame.

"Shit!"

"That's…wow."

"It's New Year's," his mom muttered, sighing and shaking her head.

Well, that definitely explained the awkwardness of this situation.

"Oh, oh, my side!" Yami cried, sobbing. "Cramp!"

"Goddamn it, Yami!" Mana snapped, "You're so…stupid!"

"You don't eat the crust?" Yugi cried out suddenly, coming back from the living room and gawking at her when she started on her second slice without eating the crust. "Why the fuck wouldn't you eat the crust?"

"You didn't eat it either!"

"I got distracted," the smaller boy argued, huffing before glaring at her.

"Well, the crust is disgusting."

Yugi narrowed his eyes. "You are weak and natural selection is coming for you," he hissed.

Yami writhed on the floor, sobbing and curling into a ball and Yugi glanced over, blushing furiously when he saw that the officer was laughing and the ambassador and his wife were snickering to themselves.

Oh gods.

Did they hear that?

"You're rude."

"Don't be mad because you'll be dead by next year."

"Yugi, no. I don't think that's—"

"Hush, natural selection will accelerate just for weak people who don't eat pizza crust!" Yugi snapped, pointing at the blonde. "Next year!"

"I just…I'm going to go now," the policeman announced, clearing his throat and wandering off without saying goodbye or letting them have the chance to do so, quickly speeding off in his cruiser before they could say anything.

"Hmm…well, that was nice," Aknamkanon stated, sighing softly. "Want to tell me about how normal our children are now?"

"Oh please…Yugi's not our child," she whispered in his ear.

He blinked. "Well that makes everything better. We're not the only one with such strange children."

"Wow," Yami mumbled from the floor, starting to get up, "you guys are just so nice."

"Oh, uh, but we love you, of course," his mom said quickly, blinking.

The red-eyed teen rolled his eyes, laughing, and went back over to the table where Yugi was glaring Mana down over her lack of crust-consumption; he could practically see the words "Natural selection is coming for you" in those bright blue-violet eyes.

Not that he would ever say it out loud, but he had always been desperate for natural selection to get her. Just because there didn't need to be a spare.

"It's my crust and I'll do whatever the hell I want with it," Mana snapped, glaring at him and then snatching another piece and fleeing upstairs while Yugi huffed and turned a sour face to his boyfriend.

"Next year," he repeated, nodding. "Natural selection will get her next year."

"I'm sure it will," Yami chuckled, smiling at him and taking a seat. "So, what was the 'fuck yes' about?"

"Goddamn it, Yami! I told you to watch your fucking language!" his father huffed.

The teen grinned widely and snickered, "Such influence."

"Shut up, smartass."

Yami snorted as his parents wandered upstairs again and Yugi smiled brightly, looking ready to leap over the table as the red-eyed teen turned back to him; he froze for a second, confused by the expression, and then tilted his head as the other boy snickered, "Guess."

"I'm not good at these games."

"Seriously, guess!"

"You've decided to pre-order a trampoline for our first time?"

"No, but…Oh my god, I totally should!"

Yami sighed and shook his head, thinking for another long minute. "You control natural selection and have chosen Mana as your next target?"

"Well…no, but I wish I did."

"You like grapefruit instead of oranges?"

"Ew!" Yugi screeched. "Grapefruit are gross!"

Yami chuckled and leaned against the table, smiling at him fondly. "What is it then? I give up."

The smaller teen pursed his lips for a second and then pulled his phone out, turning it around for him to see the text message on the screen, a simple two-worded statement of, We approve.

He blinked once, then twice, and finally glanced up at him, shouting, "Fuck yes!" while Yugi pouted in disapproval.

"That's not funny. It's really not. I don't like you anymore."

"But I love you!"

"…I love you too."

Yami glanced over his shoulder at the clock on the microwave and then turned back. "You know, we never did do like…that New Year's kiss thing that everyone always brags about…"

Yugi opened and closed his mouth once before rolling his eyes. "It's way past midnight on New Year's Eve."

"Fine, don't kiss me then. I don't like you like that anyways."

"Oh…oh, that was…Oh."

"Nope, that's not about to work, Yugi. I know you knew what I was saying."

Yugi blinked and huffed. "Fine, okay, so I knew, but…Okay, here's the thing. I have pizza breath and I think it would be awkward…"

"Um, Yugi, what do you think I was just eating a second ago?"

The smaller boy glanced at the box and blushed. "Pizza."

"So what do I have?"

"Pizza breath?"

"Exactly. So k…" Yami trailed off for a moment and wandered over to his side, whispering, "Face battle me."

Yugi burst out laughing and then froze when his phone rang for a second, glancing at the screen. "Voicemails?" he muttered, pressing play immediately and forcing them both to go completely red in the face as Yami's voice started.

"You know, that day in class? When we were talking about hearts and heart strings? I wasn't joking about the marriage thing…Okay, maybe a little, but I mean…When I say marry…I don't mean bang. I mean…like…I want to make pancakes on a Sunday morning and have you walk downstairs in plaid pajama pants with messy hair and let me kiss you on the nose." There was a long pause. "I would also bang you though. Like a screen door in a hurricane."

"Aw, goddamn it," Yami hissed. "Fucking hell."

"Ooh, bang me like a screen door in a hurricane. That's…a lot of banging."

The taller teen snickered but glared at him playfully. "Don't make fun of me, little—"

Both of them froze as another few voicemails popped up, Yami growing completely mortified as Yugi grinned and played them, laughing and nearly sobbing by the end, snickering, "You never broke in through my window."

Yami huffed. "I…Shut up."

The smaller boy wrapped his arms around him, leaning into his chest and burying his face in his shirt. "I'm going to keep these forever."

"What? You find them that funny?"

"I find them hilarious and a little too beautiful," he admitted, snickering and leaning up to whisper in his ear. "Plus, whenever we argue, I'm going to play these to you."

"You devious little shit."

"I am, I am," he laughed, pulling back and looking at him for a moment. "Devious little shit I am."

"Well, at least you embrace it."

"Of course, I love that title." He paused. "So, uh, what I want to know is, can we ever go on an actual rollercoaster ride sometime? Because, I mean…you threw up everywhere."

"Are you saying my aim is bad?" Yami asked slowly, narrowing his eyes into slits.

"You…you were aiming for something?"

The taller teen blinked. "The homeless guy with the turkey legs."

Yugi looked like he was going to be sick. "Oh gods, you almost bought that shit too."

"It smelled good, okay?"

"I don't care if it smelled good! One thing you never do in the states is buy things from people who look homeless! You can buy things for the homeless, but you never buy from them. Or…at least not food." The small teen huffed and poked him in the chest. "Most of the time that food will be rotten or something like that. Poisonous maybe. Fact of life, Yami, in the states, if you do something as stupid as to buy their food, no matter how good it smells, it's a death trap. You'll die of clogged arteries or something."

Yami blinked. "We just went from homeless people to the entire population of the United States' food."

"Yes."

"Uh…okay then."

"So…rollercoaster?"

"Yeah, okay. Rollercoaster."

"You won't vomit?"

"No, I'm actually pretty good with them."

"Oh, okay, good. And you're not going to get on if you know you'll end up vomiting, right?" Yugi asked suspiciously.

"I make no promises."

"Yami."

"I. Make. No. Promises."

"Goddamn it."

Yami peeked at Yugi's phone for a moment and the smaller boy glanced at it and back, frowning as he asked, "Okay, that has to be the third time you've done that. What the hell are you looking for?"

"Your parents' text saying that one wasn't meant for you."

"That's…not going to happen. Just, calm down and…seriously, what the fuck is wrong with your sister that she doesn't eat the crust on pizza?"

"She's weak and wants natural selection to come after her."

"Shut up. Does she like…? Oh wait, you guys don't have a dog so that's not possible."

"By the way, little one, what kind of dog would you want if you could get one?"

"German shepherd—or a Siberian husky! Or a mixed breed from the shelters," Yugi said, nodding vigorously. "Mixed breeds are so beautiful and they deserve homes too. Especially if they're from the shelters. Or strays on the streets."

Yami blinked when the smaller boy's eyes widened, watering.

"What kind of person leaves a dog behind?"

Oh, oh gods, he was crying…

Oh fucking hell.

Oh.

Fucking.

Hell.

"I don't—bad people. They're horrible people and they deserve to die somewhere."

Yugi was nodding vigorously but stopped short and shoved him away a couple of steps, blubbering, "But what would you know? You have a cat!"

Yami opened and closed his mouth and then sighed softly, shaking his head slightly. "I like dogs too."

"No you don't! You have a cat!"

The taller teen blinked. "Yugi, just because I have Milky Way—"

"Her name is Satan! God, Yami, why are you such a horrible pet owner?"

Wait…what?

"I…I…w-what?"

Yugi whined deep in his throat and then wiped at his eyes. "You're so cruel. You don't even remember your cat's name!"

"B-but I…What?"

"God Yami, get your shit together!"

"I…What the fuck?"

The phone flashed and Yami recoiled, rubbing his eyes as Yugi burst out laughing and jumped to his feet. "Oh my god, this is amazing."

"What?"

"This picture. You're so cute in this picture," he laughed, grinning and hugging him tightly.

"You evil little imp."

"I don't know what that means."

"It means you're evil. And little. And a fucking imp."

"Yes…but what's an imp?"

"Look it up!"

"Oh, don't be mad. It was so cute and funny!"

"I thought those were real tears!"

"They were…at first. I've seen too many animal rescue commercials. I always sob like a baby now at the idea of them being stuck out in the freezing cold like that…" His eyes were watering again. "Hold me!"

The taller teen burst out laughing and hugged him again, rolling his eyes as the other boy discreetly wiped his nose all over his shoulder and whispered, "Sorry."

"You're not sorry at all."

"You're right," he admitted. "I hate that shirt."

"Why? What the hell is wrong with the shirt?" Yami asked, confused as he pulled away and looked it over before blanching; oh gods, he knew he should have tried harder with his outfit but he hadn't wanted to seem too completely materialistic to Yugi's parents or vain or anything like that and…apparently that was wasted effort now.

"I fucking hate Harry Potter."

Yami sighed. Fuck him.