This came out a little later than I was hoping but at least I finally got it out here, right? Anyways, so, um...it might have gone from the pun bowl being only four parts to six. I'm hoping it DOES NOT get any bigger than that because I swear I'll cry.
Disclaimer: I do NOT own Yu-Gi-Oh. At. ALL.
Pun Bowl Part II: The Slifer Cake
"You didn't want to celebrate it with me a few minutes ago," Yami spat, bristling and rounding on the blonde so quickly that Yugi jumped violently from where he stood at his side. The smaller teen glanced at the piece of cake in his hands, poking at it with his fork and blinking wide eyes.
"So? It's cake and I want some cake—"
"Yeah? Well it's my cake and I say that you should get none of it," he snarled viciously. "This is my fucking day, Mana! I put up with you piggybacking me for years and now I want my fucking cake for myself. This is my special day. I am not sharing it, bitch. Go crawl back up Mom's vagina and wait another fucking day, you stupid bitch!"
Yugi choked on the forkful of cake in his mouth and then blinked wide eyes. "Ooh, Yami is getting sassy," he whispered, making his boyfriend glance at him sideways for a split second. "So sassy. Kind of hot."
For a moment no one spoke, frozen in place, and Yami tilted his head in confusion when he noticed that Yugi didn't even seem to have been speaking to anyone in particular. It was almost like he was mumbling to himself and the thought made Yami's skin crawl for a split second. But he pushed it away immediately again, refusing to be unnerved by the sight. It was bad enough that only minutes before Yugi had been staring at him with such a lost look on his face and asking for cake.
Cake slut that he was.
Yugi went back to happily munching on his slice of cake, giving it awkward glances when he started to realize just how little he honestly had left. Yami watched his face crumble slightly, a small soft whine of a sound escaping him.
"I'm glad you approve," Yami stated, nodding once and then snarling at his sister as his parents awkwardly looked towards the ceiling. Yugi watched him curiously for a moment and then swiped a small bit of icing from the slice nearest him, looking at the cake and licking his lips. Slifer was just so delicious.
"Please don't even tell her to do that," his mom sighed quietly. "It was too much work the first time. Thirty-six hours of labor pushing that head out. I draw the line at doing a reversal."
"Ha, Mom just fucking rejected you!"
"Yami, language—"
"You lied to me all my life! I think I get a little leniency on the cursing rule!" he snapped, pointing at them and then spinning on his sister again. "You need to go find a new vagina to go crawl up. Some mystery woman."
"Ooh, surprise adoptions," Yugi murmured, giggling softly and taking a massive gulp of warm coffee. Yami cast a small backwards glance at him and then turned back, baring his teeth as Yugi swallowed another gulp. "Mm…coffee is so good."
And it was even better with icing! Mm.
"Aren't…surprise adoptions when you kidnap someone?" Mana muttered, furrowing her brows as she glanced at Yugi curiously. The smaller boy was gazing at his cup somewhat fondly, with soft affection brimming in his blue-violet eyes. He lazily sloshed the drink and then licked his lips happily and she swore she was staring at some kind of awkward one-sided relationship. She thought for a moment that maybe Yugi was gazing at the cup like he did sometimes with her brother at lunch when Yami said something stupidly sweet that made him melt.
"Surprise adoption works both ways apparently," Yami mumbled, blinking at his boyfriend again and watching him sip his coffee once more. He narrowed his eyes faintly when he saw a small bit of red at the edge of the other boy's mouth. Icing snatcher that his beautiful boyfriend was. "According to the adorable people it works both ways."
Yugi blinked and then looked around slowly before turning back to him. "Wait? Are you saying that there are more adorable people here?" He narrowed his eyes and then glanced at the cake, reaching over and swiping his finger at another bit of icing. Yami tilted his head and crossed his arms, staring at him, and the smaller boy pretended he had nothing on his finger, sipping his coffee again. His boyfriend continued staring until he finally just sneered a little and licked his finger clean. "Don't look at me like that! I told you to start watching me better! You didn't watch—this is what you get for it!"
"Mana, get your hands away from that knife before I stab you with it," he snapped without turning away from Yugi, eyes narrowing slowly.
"Violent…" Yugi sang quietly, humming softly before stopping short and narrowing his eyes. "Oh my gods, he didn't even turn around…"
"Yes, but you see, aibou, I have eyes in the back of my head—"
The smaller boy's eyes grew wide as he stepped back once and looked him up and down slowly once, putting his plate down. "Four eyes," he whispered softly, looking him up and down once more before moving to stand at his side and peer at the back of his head. Yami stood frozen in place, blinking several times before turning to him and narrowing his eyes.
"Did you just…call me four eyes?"
"Turn back around!" Yugi whined immediately. "I want to see them!"
"Oh Ra, thank the gods this is not our child," the ambassador whispered, scrubbing his face and shaking his head tiredly. "I'm going to go to bed now."
"No, stay for a few more minutes. I'm curious," his wife replied, grabbing his sleeve and holding him in place. The ambassador sighed loudly next to her and crossed his arms, watching their children squabble once more.
"I was—that was a figure of speech."
"Liar!" he screeched loudly, glaring and crossing his arms with a trembling pout on his face. "You just don't want to show me!"
"Yugi, I—"
"You all are just so rude! I can't even have most of the cake and"—Mana yelped loudly, jumping back several feet and gaping at him when he spun on her and chomped his teeth next to her hands—"the birthday boy said you can't have any, damn it!"
Yami stayed silent for a moment and then grinned widely, smirking and licking his lips. "And I thought I actually needed to be around to guard it." He shook his head, awed, and wrapped his arms around Yugi's shoulders, pressing their cheeks together and gaining a happy little squirm from the smaller boy. "All I have to do is have you near it—and give you all the cake you want."
Yugi pursed his lips and looked at him before shaking his head. "I can't have more than three slices a day. I tend to become a mess if I have more than three," he admitted, blushing as Yami burst out laughing.
"Well, even better. Three a day until it's all gone."
Yugi glanced at the cake and narrowed his eyes, calculating. Mrs. Sennen had cut them into medium-sized square slices, all of which were almost perfectly the same size. There were lots of slices in retrospect—ooh, and Yami had told him before that cake wasn't his favorite dessert which meant he would probably tire of it pretty quickly. More for him!
"Okay!" he said immediately, nodding vigorously and licking some frosting off his lips. He wasn't oblivious to the way that Yami raised a brow and eyed him before licking at the corner of his mouth to have him do the same. Ooh, that must have been Slifer! Slifer was delicious! He had this really sweet taste to him that was great. All of the Slifer's tasted awesome but he had to admit the bigger one was the best. But then…that could have also been because Yugi liked that he had the gem in his forehead and the others lacked it. Which was just so rude! "I shall guard it with my life!"
Yami snorted softly and kissed his temple. "Don't go that far," he teased, "but you're still only sixteen so technically you could kill Mana and not have to go to jail or anything so you have permission—"
"Yami!" his mother gasped.
He turned his head, blinking at her. "Oh, um…Mommy, can I give Yugi permission to kill Mana if she tries to steal my birthday cake?" he asked sweetly.
"Who cares about permission?" she scoffed, looking at Yugi. "You didn't even ask him if he wanted to kill her over birthday cake! God, Yami, I thought I raised you better than that! First you forget the physical abuse rules and then you go and forget to ask your boyfriend if he'll kill your sister for you—God, you're both savages!"
Yugi blinked wide eyes, glancing at the cake and then at Mana again. "I'll kill you for the cake," he hissed, looking at Slifer for a split second and resisting the urge to snatch another bit of icing. So delicious. "No one gets to touch my cake!"
Yami almost argued that it was his cake, not Yugi's, but then resisted. Yugi liked the cake far more than he did anyways. Although, he did have one of those moments where he had to remember Yugi being so mad about puns that he hadn't even heard him say his birthday was in February. And then he had said all of that about how February had nothing good to it and…damn, maybe he was still a small bit bitter about that.
"Mommy!" the blonde squealed, flustered as she looked at her with wide eyes. "You're not going to just let him threaten me like that, right?"
"Well…I always did want to know which of our children would win the Hunger Games," his mom commented softly, staring curiously. "Besides, Yugi isn't my child so I don't have much say over his…homicidal tendencies over cake."
The taller look-alike narrowed his eyes slightly and then shrugged. "Well, now that that's solved—"
"God, I hate this family," Mana spat, rolling her eyes and hurrying up the stairs. Yugi watched her go, waving and then spinning around to snatch another slice of cake while Yami merely stared at him.
The smaller boy looked up after a moment, blinking wide eyes and pausing for a split second. "Oh, um…was I supposed to wait…?" he muttered quietly.
"No, no, go ahead and…eat your second piece," Yami said with a shrug, grabbing his own slice and starting towards the living room. Yugi scrambled after him and both plopped down in their seats on the couch, the smaller digging in happily while Yami stretched himself out and laid his feet in his lap. The smaller boy was tempted to poke his shin and tell him not to do that when he had cake in his hands but decided not to when Yami merely turned to the TV instead.
"Hey, want to watch Jurassic Park?"
He kind of didn't really want to but it was Yami's birthday after all…and he was looking at him with that hopeful expression. A hopeful, beautiful, overly excited Yami with the brightest of eyes was hard to even consider saying no to.
It was like trying to say no to petting a puppy when the owner offered.
Impossible.
"Sure, if you really want to."
An hour and a half later Yugi was feeling his stomach twisting and poking at his third slice of cake, unnerved by the T-rex and the velociraptors. He had spent most of his time watching them attack people and it was getting a little out of hand. He shuddered. How did Yami even manage to watch this? He was going to puke watching that Ellie lady with the severed arm on her shoulder and—
"Do you want me to stop it?"
Yugi couldn't figure out who was talking for a second, staring at the TV in complete confusion before he turned his head and spotted Yami staring at him with a curious look.
"Huh? Oh, um…no. You just…didn't warn me it was going to be so…crazy."
"The book is crazier," he stated, trying to lighten the mood some and making him smile in amusement.
"Not surprised."
The small teen finished off his slice, put his dish in the sink, and then lay down next to the other. He scrunched up his face when Yami kissed the tip of his nose and then pulled him closer, the smaller boy's immediate thought that of Perverse jailbait. No one actually knows how old he is in the first place. Could be twelve, could be sixteen… No one knows.
"Hi Yugi," a voice cooed deeply, making him turn his head and frown in bewilderment before blinking wide eyes. The brown raptors from the movie were huddled around the coffee table in the center of Yami's living room. Something sat in the center, all seven of them huddled around this one thing.
He listened for noises, for a wail of pain or screaming, but found nothing. The small teen crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes, watching them unhappily. One of them lashed its tail almost like a cat and he immediately thought of him as Milky Way's sibling. A reptilian golden-eyed dinosaur sibling.
He narrowed his eyes and huffed. Well, at least in the movie, most of the deaths via raptors had been quick and easy. And maybe they would lay his body parts out in a kind of cute message to Yami about how much he loved him and—oh gods, was that fucking cake?
Birthday cake?
"Is that cake?" he demanded eagerly, pointing and blinking wide eyes. It was a deep red, with a bright beam of light coming from the ceiling overhead as if the entire place was one big cave and sunlight was peeking through. Or…maybe it was a holy beam of light showing upon the bright red Slifer the Sky Dragon cake!
"It is. Birthday cake," the raptor closest to him murmured, dipping its head and looking at him with beady little reptilian eyes. Yugi glanced at it sideways and then looked back at the cake. So big, with a bunch of icing and—was it getting bigger?
It was!
Slifer was growing several feet taller. He was getting to that point where he would be tall enough that he was looming over his head. That was so amazing!
"Would you like some?"
"Yes!"
"Help yourself to some then, dear little Yugi."
He started forward and then stopped short. "Wait…don't you just…okay, are you really going to give me cake or just eat me?"
"Eat you? No, of course not," one of them cried, looking so offended that he almost pictured it with Yami's face when he had called him a nun on accident or denied him a kiss on New Year's. "We don't want to eat you."
"Um…wait, I thought you were…carnivores. Don't you want…to eat me…?" He paused and then narrowed his eyes and cocked his hips as he crossed his arms and glared. "Wait, are you saying I'm not good enough a snack for you?"
The dinosaurs stayed quiet for a long minute and then finally looked at their Slifer cake that had grown to the same size as them.
"We only eat the people who abuse the birthday cake."
Yugi blinked slowly. "You…what? But those other people in the movie…"
"They wouldn't share their birthday cake with us. And they never let us celebrate our birthdays."
"How dare they!" he cried loudly, shaking his head and scowling. "You should have eaten them all!"
"We tried. But they wouldn't let us. So we got stuck not being able to do that…"
"Oh. I'm sorry."
"Didn't sound like it when you were chanting for Alan to get the kids out of there."
Yugi blinked wide eyes at the sassy predator; was that Yami as a raptor or something? "That was before I knew the whole story," he objected, huffing. "How dare they not give you cake on your birthdays! That is a crime punishable by death!"
Yami woke to a small punch in the gut that made him gasp and try to curl on his side in discomfort. He peeked an eye open into a crack and stared at the smaller male who was holding his shirt a little too tightly and mumbling under his breath. Yami couldn't actually hear him but he could tell that he was outraged just by the tone of his disconnected mumbles.
"Yugi," he whispered, reaching over and nearly crying out in pain when Yugi reflexively held his shirt tighter, grasping his skin with the fistful of material. He let out a small whine of noise and tried to squirm beneath him, stopping short when the smaller boy giggled, "Sassy raptor."
What…?
Yami glanced around slowly, stared at the TV for a moment where a sci-fi movie was playing as mindless background noise for them to fall asleep. There weren't even dinosaurs in this fucking movie. What was Yugi talking about? He guessed the smaller boy was having a Jurassic Park dream.
The thought made him purr with delight as he ran a hand through his hair momentarily. Yugi mumbled softly again, Yami chuckling at the statement of "Ooh, keep doing that. I feel like a pampered kitty."
Yami snickered. "Feel like Milky Way, huh?" he purred into his ear.
"Yami?" Yugi squeaked in his sleep, squirming slightly and then moving to push his hand further into his long hair. "Oh my god, Yami knows."
He waited a second, narrowing his eyes. "You better not be loving in on those raptors, Yugi."
The smaller boy squeaked again, squirming. "N-no."
He snickered. Was he still asleep or half-asleep or was he just messing with him now?
"Oh sweet little Yugi, what are you doing?"
Yugi let out a small whining noise. "Eating cake," he whimpered conspiringly.
Yami bit his lip to try not to but then threw his head back and laughed. Yugi shook on his chest, rattled by the noise, and he laughed even harder. He jerked away after a minute, nearly falling over the side of the couch with the sudden movement and Yami tried to catch him but failed as he curled up on his side and laughed until he was crying.
"No, no, my cake!" Yugi wailed loudly, almost taking on that of a high-pitched scream in volume. "My beautiful bright red Slifer cake! My baby! A-and my friends! Come back to me!"
Yami fell over the cushions, slamming straight into him, both of them tangling and huffing with pain at the sensation. Yugi watched his boyfriend gasp and writhe, trying to force out laughter but failing drastically. He sat up, crossing his arms, and scowled at him angrily. He had woken him up, taken away his Slifer birthday cake and his raptor friends who had just been trying to right the wrongs done to them concerning cakes and celebrations.
How rude of them.
And how rude of Yami for waking him.
He huffed unhappily as the other got into a seated position, chewing his lip until he was almost crying, and then looked up at him slowly through his lashes. For several minutes they had to stare at each other silently, and then Yami finally breathed out, "Oh my Ra, that just…oh, aibou."
Yugi scowled at his singsong tone and crossed his arms unhappily. "Shut up," he snapped, huffing and sniffing indignantly. "You're so rude. I can't believe you woke me from…"
Yami tilted his head and raised a brow, biting his lip. "From what aibou? What did I wake you from?"
He put his hands in his lap and looked at the ceiling, pursing his lips. "N-nothing."
"Oh yeah, Yugi? Nothing huh? Then why are you so upset about it?"
"Because it…" He huffed again and then finally looked at him, sighing softly. "I…Shut up. I don't like you anymore. You're too mean to me."
"But I love you! Tell me…was I in your dream with you?"
"No, but there was this really sassy raptor that was just like you…"
"Did he monitor how many slices of cake you had?"
Yugi's cheeks turned bright red. "No!"
"Well why not?"
"Because it was dream cake, Yami!"
"Was it? I don't believe you. And even if it was dream cake, I think you still need to have it monitored—"
"I don't like you anymore!" Yugi screeched, pushing him away and stumbling to his feet before nearly toppling over, legs still fast asleep. "Go away!"
"Stomp your feet really hard. It'll wake your legs up."
"And go through that sensation of ants crawling all over my legs? I think not!"
Yami stayed quiet for a moment, frowning as Yugi huffed and stepped away from him when he went to stand up. He backed up several steps when he stepped closer, crossing his arms and turning his nose up at him.
Yami scooted forward a step, whining when Yugi backed up and refused to look at him again. "Aibou!" he cried, sniffling and whining loudly when the other still didn't even glance at him.
It took a few minutes for him to finally think of a way to get to him, the entire time spent crawling forward on his knees with his hands outstretched for Yugi's arms and the other wandering around the table in refusal.
He finally stopped and got to his feet, crossing his arms and giving him a soft, affectionate glare. "Would a nice hot cup of coffee make you like me again?" he asked loudly. Yugi had long since decided that he was going to pretend not to hear him or see him, humming loudly.
Yugi blinked slowly, looking at him suspiciously but with a keen interest. "Y…I thought you didn't have coffee because it puts you to sleep."
"Yeah, but we always have a couple of cups' worth in the cabinets because my dad likes to drink it sometimes in the mornings." He paused thoughtfully for a moment. "So we have it…I'm just not allowed to drink it and my parents have no idea I know where they hide it. But I'll make you a cup and then we can have cake for breakfast just like I promised last night…"
"Ooh! Okay!"
Five minutes later, Yugi looked up at the cup of coffee with bright eyes, dashing for it and nearly knocking his seat over in his exuberance. Yami watched him from where he was leaning against the fridge door, red eyes locked on his face, and then pulled his prop out of the fridge.
"So, Yugi," he called, dragging his name out in a sultry purr that made the smaller look over at him even as he sipped the warm beverage. He looked a little confused, curious, but he could see the idea that he was a pedophile swimming around in his bright blue-violet eyes. "Did you know that Australians don't have sex?"
The smaller boy furrowed his brows, sitting up slightly and narrowing his eyes in confusion. How could they not have sex? How did they manage to make baby Australians if they didn't have sex?
"They mate."
Yami smirked widely as his boyfriend's coffee spewed out of his mouth and straight across the table. He crossed his arms and leaned back against the fridge, watching him and smirking harder. Yugi sputtered, eyes still nearly bugging out of his head with a mortified expression. "Sorry about your"—he pulled the Coffee Mate creamer out from behind his back and held it towards him, Yugi glancing towards him and going bug-eyed once more. He waggled his brows and the smaller boy gawked, wiping the back of his mouth before glancing back and forth between the younger boy and the creamer.
"Oh. My. Gods."
The taller teen waggled his brows again and swapped the creamer for an orange soda, wandering over to his side and plopping down. "My greatest dream is to swim in an ocean of orange soda," he commented casually, starting to mess with the tab.
Yugi sipped his coffee but glanced over anyways. "An…orange sea?"
"No, Yugi, it's a Fanta sea."
The smaller teen glowered at him for a moment. "Cake for breakfast isn't worth this," he growled quietly. "At all."
Yami sniffled quietly and looked at the table, feigning tears. "I thought you stayed for me," he mumbled, sniffling loudly and glancing at Yugi with watery eyes.
He opened and closed his mouth and then hugged him. "I did," he whispered, rubbing his back for a moment and then lowering his voice. "But I really wanted cake for breakfast too. Can…can I have cake for breakfast?"
"Damn, you really are a cake slut," he muttered, rolling his eyes playfully and smirking at him. "Mm, yes. Cake for breakfast it is."
"Yum," Yugi cried excitedly, letting Yami go and turning back to his coffee with bright eyes. He continued drinking for a moment and then looked at him again, blinking before tilting his head and waiting. "Well?"
"Well what?" Yami returned, confused.
The smaller boy narrowed his eyes and sat up straighter, left eye twitching slightly. "Aren't you going to get the cake?" he deadpanned, waiting for Yami to move and nearly growling when he still didn't.
"Oh…you wanted it…right now?"
"Well duh."
"But…I'm not hungry for cake yet."
"But I am."
"But I'm not."
"So?"
"So it's my cake—and it's cake that was a big fat lie, Yugi," Yami huffed. "It was one big fat lie!"
"Oh, koi, it's not what the cake was for yesterday, it's what it stands for now."
"…What does it stand for exactly?"
"My happiness."
Yami stared at him for a long moment and then narrowed his eyes slowly before sighing loudly. "So the cake is your source of happiness and not me," he grumbled dejectedly, getting up before Yugi could open his mouth. "I kind of want to cry."
"Don't cry on the cake!" the smaller nearly screeched, eyes almost popping out of his head as he scrambled forward slightly. "I will never forgive you if there are tears of sadness on my happy cake!"
He shot him a curious look and then wandered back towards the fridge, grabbing his cake and pulling it onto the counter. He glanced at Yugi for a second, tilting his head before turning away again. It wasn't worth asking about, he decided quickly, because asking meant that he would get some kind of complicated answer he would have no idea what to do with.
Yami grabbed a knife from the drawer, starting to cut a piece and pausing as he glanced over. Yugi was twisted around in his seat, sitting up like a meerkat with the most attentive eyes he had ever seen. The taller teen stared at him and the smaller met his eyes evenly, waiting with a look that said he was too excited for this little staring contest. The younger teen narrowed his eyes for a moment and then turned away again, glancing at him before starting to grab a slice, putting it on a dish and jumping a mile.
Yugi snatched the plate before he could even think to put it down and the taller stared at him as he fled back to the table. The taller teen pursed his lips, chewing his cheek before shaking his head. Yugi had forgotten his fork and if he wanted it, he was going to have to come get it.
Yami put the cake back and headed back to the table, shocked out of his mind to find that the slice was almost gone. And Yugi had red frosting all over his lips but his fingers were completely clean. Yami squeezed his eyes shut and scrunched his face up for a moment. By the gods, his aibou really was a cake slut.
Now if only he could make him a slut for something other than cake.
He put his elbow against the table and his chin in his hands, watching him closely. Then again, Yugi had pledged his virginity on a pie slice and that pie's identity was still questionable. Though maybe Yugi had told him at one point and he had just forgotten. But how could he have forgotten the one thing that was absolutely necessary for his own survival?
Because he didn't want to die a virgin. That sounded just plain depressing. How horrible a fate.
He had to find that pie. And he had to make Yugi pledge his virginity to him for that pie. And then he was going to have fun with it—on a trampoline. In the rain. With Milky Way in a tree and a dog barking and Mr. Fuzzy spinning on his wheel.
Yes.
That was exactly what he planned to do.
He needed to go pie hunting soon.
Very. Soon.
He leaned forward as Yugi looked at him curiously. The smaller teen's face turned bright red as his tongue met his lips. He went to move away but Yami caught him by the back of his head and pulled him forward again. He giggled, scrunching his nose up and smiling harder as Yami continued licking icing off his lips. He imagined his face was just as bright red as the icing from the miniature Slifer's that had been designed for the lettering. His lips had to be stained…
"Stop it," he squealed, trying to push him away when Yami trailed his tongue along his cheek for a moment.
"No, the icing is everywhere!"
"Liar! I'm a neat eater."
"You lie. You're so messy you have icing in your hair," he sang happily. "It's absolutely everywhere!"
Yugi laughed harder, giggling and reaching out to push on his shoulders. "You're horrible!"
"Speaking of terrible," he announced, pulling away and glancing at the plate in front of them. "My mom is changing my dentist. Something about him wanting to take out my molars? He apparently thought that he should do that and then get my wisdom teeth as soon as they grew in."
"But…wait what?" He shook his head. "That doesn't really make sense. Why would you take out the wisest of your teeth?"
Yami shook his head, ducking and covering his mouth with his fingers around his laughter; by the gods, this boy.
"Heard your dentist was being changed, Yami," Mana cried excitedly, jumping down and skipping into the kitchen with a wide grin. "I hope you didn't hurt your old dentist's fillings."
He blinked and then spun around, no longer laughing as he stared at her. "She'll probably just say that it's my floss."
"Ain't that the tooth?" the blonde snickered, smirking and glancing at Yugi. She furrowed her brows after a moment, tilting her head and raising an eyebrow. The smallest teen wasn't looking at them, instead focused on whatever little bit of cake that existed on his plate.
"Hopefully the new dentist will get to the root of the problem. He sounds like he has the wisdom," he commented, reaching over and wiping at some icing he hadn't gotten before.
"No need to brace him for this. I'm sure he's been through this drill before."
Yugi gave Yami a huff while the taller licked the edge of his mouth once more. "He's supposedly the king of dentistry. He even has a crown to prove it," he snickered.
"Hopefully your teeth aren't a total floss," Mana murmured, giving him a sharp look when her brother merely pursed his lips.
"Is this why they call you chuckles?" He sighed woefully and leaned forward to wrap his arms around Yugi's shoulders, going for his lip again. "We should get you a plaque with that nickname on it."
"Holy molars! You are tooth funny!" she griped in annoyance.
"Hush. I need to divulge my sweet tooth," he snorted, waving her off dismissively. Yugi snorted, pouting slightly at the aspect of having to deal with puns so early in the morning, but melted when he started kissing and licking his mouth again. He laughed when the taller teen tugged his bottom lip between his teeth and whispered, "Tastes like candy."
"Ew, stop eating him!" Mana huffed, turning and trotting off for the stairs while Yami made loud smacking noises like eating.
"Tastes like candy," he sang loudly, wrapping his arms around his neck and pressing his forehead against his. Yugi rolled his eyes playfully, purring as he scooted closer and kissed him.
"Come on, let's go watch a movie," he announced, jumping to his feet and waiting until Yugi had put his plate in the sink. Yami glanced at the small pile of dishes and thanked the gods for having found the detergent because now he didn't have to clean them before throwing them in the dishwasher. Yugi followed him to the living room, plopping down with him on the cushions.
For two hours Yugi found his head in the taller teen's lap, watching a movie that they both cringed at but found hilarious for the horrible acting. Yugi was still laughing at the end scene when Yami's parents came down the stairs.
Yami shot them a cold look when they said hello, huffing, "Hello…my horrible parents who just told me I was sixteen yesterday after making me believe I was going to be seventeen. Thank you for allowing me to live a lie, goddamn it."
"Yes, well…your sister was convinced her birthday was the same as yours for four years after she started celebrating the same day and we never told her so…" his dad snorted, wandering towards the fridge.
"Ra," Yami muttered, shaking his head and covering his face.
"And you proved that you're just as smart as Mana because you're both ahead of your peers," his mom pointed out, biting her lip to keep from laughing at his frustrated expression. "So really, you're both equally smart."
"Take your flattery of hatred away and leave me alone."
"He'll grow up—might take a year or two though. Sixteen is the year where you're supposed to be stupid and overreact to everything," his dad snickered. "All the maturing happens after that."
"Yeah, I always heard you get laid either before or after sixteen but never at sixteen."
Yami gave them a horrified look. "I shall not wait! I will get laid this year!"
Yugi sat up slightly. "Oh…are you going to get an escort?"
His parents broke into laughter at the innocent question while Yami shot him a horrified look and Yugi took a moment to realize what he had said.
"Well fine, if I do, all I'll have to do is ask for you in specific," he huffed.
The smaller teen blinked once and then settled into his lap again, murmuring, "So we're going to be nude prostitutes?"
"Those are the elite kind," the taller stated, running his hand over his boyfriend's stomach and smirking when he squirmed. "I'm an elite. So we must be nude prostitutes."
"Okay. I'm glad we have standards."
"But of course! Only the best for us."
"Okay, good. Standards are good," Yugi mumbled, nodding again and scooting a little closer to him. His hair brushed against the taller boy's wrist and made him snicker. "Wouldn't want to go to those lower class people. Fifteen thousand a night."
"Yes! Exactly."
"We should start now—while we're still in school."
"Oh but after that there's college."
"We don't talk about college!" Yugi blurted out immediately, sitting up and glaring at him. "We do not talk about college!"
"Not yet—but we will. We will talk about it and you will love it."
"No!" Yugi whined unhappily. "We will not. I don't want to talk about college."
"But I'm just so curious it's killing me."
"I'll see you at your funeral then," he huffed, curling closer into him and crossing his arms angrily. "Cause I'm not talking about it—ever."
"Oh, but one day you will. And you know why?"
"No…why?"
"Because I'm going to give you champagne one day and say it's just sparkling cider and I'm going to love it when you start spilling your guts without meaning to."
Yugi opened and closed his mouth, about to argue, and then looked at him. "…You're going to aid me in my growing alcoholism?"
"Of course!" Yami declared, biting his lip to keep from cracking up. "How else would I be a supportive partner?"
"…But…shouldn't you be telling me not to drink or—?"
"No, no, of course not. I believe in free will and…doing what you want…including hunting down pies that your boyfriend pledged his virginity on and giving my future husband all the champagne in the world to get information out of him about his grandpa and his homosexual ventures in college."
"Oh…but that's…how rude."
"I never claimed I was polite."
"Abuse."
"Lovingly."
"I need more coffee to deal with this…"
"You want to go down to the café or what?"
"No, I'm comfortable. We can go in an hour…or two…"
"Not much studying going on," his mom noted teasingly.
"I can't study yet. I just woke up," he complained, snuggling further into Yami's lap. "I need at least three or four hours before I can start studying. Otherwise I see things in the print that…aren't there."
Yami blinked a few times, about to ask the meaning of that statement before remembering he had written Yam Semen on his math test from lack of sleep. Yeah…he didn't have any room to question that. He had absolutely no room to do that.
"Oh…well…that's nice dear."
Both of his parents swapped looks, ready to flee upstairs, but Yami shot them cold looks and they instead went about making their breakfast. Yugi huffed softly in his seat, whispering, "No, it's not nice. How could that be nice? God, Yami, your mother is so rude. I can't read properly and she said that's nice."
Yami snorted softly and shook his head, stroking his side with a gossamer touch. "Yeah, well…" He paused, glancing at them as they wandered around in the kitchen. His mom handed his dad a plate, kissed his cheek, and then took a seat with him. "Hey, aibou, have I ever told you about how my mom met my dad?"
Yugi looked up, tilting his head curiously from its place in his lap. "No, but…how did they meet?" he asked, rolling onto his back and watching him with bright eyes. "Wait…is this a cute story or something I'm going to regret asking about?"
Yami grinned playfully and traced his fingers over his bellybutton. "My mom used to get boyfriends at the beginning of February so they had enough time to get her a Valentine's Day gift. And then she would break up with him the day after. So, one day she told her parents about it and they made her keep her boyfriend at least until the end of February." He gestured lazily towards them, making Yugi sit up and look at them. "And so she did. And that boy? My father."
Yugi's mouth fell open slightly as he turned his head and stared at them curiously. "Oh gods," he muttered, turning to him with wide eyes, blushing furiously, "that explains so much."
Yami threw his head back, laughing until he was red in the face. He curled in on himself as his parents looked up and glanced between them. And Yugi watched with wide eyes, blushing furiously and staring at him, as he fell forward and curled up on the floor. The smaller teen watched with bug eyes, blinking, as Yami wiped at the tears in his eyes and wailed like a banshee for a split second as he ran out of breath.
"So," Yami announced casually, walking towards the display case with his hands behind his back. Yugi was tempted to try to crane his neck but he was too tired to do so at the moment; after a whole night of studying it was just too much effort to try it. "What type of currency do you think they use in outer space?"
Yugi looked at him in pure confusion, eyebrows growing furrowed as he sat up slightly. "I don't…why would they have currency?"
The taller teen raised a brow, not answering, and then plopped the coffee cup in front of him and leaned against the counter. A bright white Starbucks coffee cup stared back at him and Yugi took a moment to narrow his eyes in annoyance.
"Fuck me."
"With pleasure," he purred loudly, leaning forward and pecking him.
Yugi blushed and glared before rolling his eyes. "Get out, sexy perverted jailbait. I want nothing to do with you and your stupid puns. And…perverted jailbait-ness."
"No, I love you too much," he cried automatically, wrapping his arms around him and purring into the hollow of his neck. Yugi snorted softly but didn't argue, instead smiling softly as the other kissed his neck once and pulled away again. "You know, when I came up with that joke, I laughed out loud."
Yugi rolled his eyes. "Yeah, and that was just so sexy that I came," he scoffed sarcastically.
Yami immediately pulled back, running his fingers through his hair. "I swallowed."
"You…what? God, Yami, that's nasty!"
"If the dove is the bird for peace, then what is the bird for true love?" he cried dramatically, throwing his arms around his neck again and leaning forward to press their foreheads together. "Swallow!"
The smaller teen opened and closed his mouth and then sighed loudly before turning away. "Oh my gods."
"I know. I'm just that great."
Yugi rolled his eyes and pushed him away, kissing his cheek when Yami gave him a dejected look. The younger boy beamed happily and then scrambled to take the seat next to him behind the display case as if someone was about to race him for that spot. He had a moment where his dream about velociraptors eating cake and sharing with him entered his mind but he pushed it away immediately. No raptors were going to race Yami for that seat. And he wouldn't have wanted to sit next to one of them anyways…not even if they had cake. Because he loved Yami too much to make him watch him and his favorite dinosaur eating cake together.
…Or actually it was because the raptors still freaked him out. That scaly skin and those sharp teeth and those…beady eyes that looked just so reptilian because they were reptiles scared him more than Milky Way's. And that said so much that he couldn't even begin to explain.
Creepy reptiles looking creepier than a possessed cat.
He shuddered slightly.
"Cold?"
Yugi glanced at him sideways, finding that he was merely watching him through his peripheral while staring at the Blue Eyes White Dragon that rested inside the old engagement ring box.
"No. But my ears are…kind of ringing…"
Yami looked up for a moment and then licked his lips. "Well, are you going to answer them?" he asked, biting his lip and turning away immediately. Yugi stared at him with dark eyes, slowly turning all the way around on his stool and glaring furiously.
"They've been ringing all day, Yami."
"Well that's because you haven't answered them, duh."
"Yami, I will stab you."
"Don't threaten me! I'm younger than you!"
Yugi blinked once and then narrowed his eyes once more. "You're also a perverted piece of jailbait who could possibly be twelve cause no one actually knows how old you really are," he hissed, watching as Yami blinked and then scowled.
"I brought you coffee!"
"I like cake better."
"Well too bad! I don't plan to give you cake ever again! Ra, you're mean!"
"It's a phase!"
Yami went to say that a rude personality wasn't a phase but then stopped short. A stage of his caffeinated state. Right. He huffed and turned away, crossing his arms and pursing his lips.
"It's not a fun stage."
"It's not supposed to be. Why would a mean stage be fun? Yami, think about that for a moment—"
"Don't get meaner with me! Play nice!"
Yugi rolled his eyes but nodded regardless, instead licking his lips as he sipped his coffee and then turned to him to kiss his cheek when he noticed his pout. "I'm sorry." He paused and looked him over for a moment. "Thank you for the coffee."
"You're welcome."
Yugi blinked a few times, looking at the cup and staring for a moment. It was that really weird mixture again, that one that he had come across before. And just like last time, his name was on the cup.
But now there was some kind of pleasure…buzzing going on behind his eyes.
Yugi yelped loudly, pushed backwards by the door as it pressed into his flesh and nearly threw him sideways. His eyes shot around wildly, breathless as that pleasant buzz continued to make his head swim with pure euphoria. He wanted to cry most of the time, the pleasure unbelievable, but now he wanted to because his stomach hurt.
Yami stared at him for a long moment, blinking once before tilting his head curiously. "Pretty cute," he purred softly, smirking widely and wandering past him towards the display case.
Yugi watched him go with wide eyes, staring for a split second before he realized what had just happened. He just…hit on me…The pun is greater than the pain! He squirmed with eagerness for a split second before starting forward.
"I guess you could say I adore you," the taller teen snickered, putting his elbow on the display case and his chin in his palm, waggling his fingers over his lips.
Yugi's excited smile fell away immediately, scowling as he pointed at him angrily. "Get the fuck out," he growled.
Yami burst out laughing, getting up and wandering over to grab his hand and lead him back over to the counter. "So what's the plan?"
"Spend two hours over here and then study," he announced immediately, shrugging. "The usual day these last two weeks."
He raised a brow but didn't argue, instead waiting out the two hours with him; only a handful of people trickled in and Yami found himself chewing his nails in boredom. Yugi was energetic and a little hostile when it came to someone buying a Duel Monsters kit, something that he found himself laughing his heart out over when the smaller boy glared a girl down over how much better Slifer was than Obelisk. The argument that had broken out had been great, Yami in stitches and having to go upstairs when Yugi kicked him out of the shop once more.
Yugi led the way upstairs after closing shop and both of them took spots at the table. The smaller teen pushed his math book towards him, flipping it open a couple of assignments, and Yami pursed his lips.
"I need more coffee," he huffed, wandering off for the coffee maker and starting it up. Yami watched him with wide eyes and then turned away again and glanced at the textbook. He so wasn't going to have any fun with these plans. This sucked already.
Yugi came back with a fresh cup that he had halved with creamer and plopped down next to him, blowing on the soft warm-colored liquid and taking a sip. Yami looked up after a moment of him sipping and then narrowed his eyes slowly.
"What if you came coffee? I'll have one ejaculatte please."
The coffee was spewed straight across the table, all over the math worksheets and part of the page and over to the far wall. Yami's mouth fell open, gawking at the bright brown spots against the white paint, amazed out of his mind. Yugi had better spitting power than that projectile vomiting homeless man in the states at Thanksgiving…
"Well that's just rude. You're supposed to swallow," he mumbled, pouting as he looked over at the other boy, the smaller wiping the back of his mouth before glaring angrily.
"Getting real tired of your shit, Yami."
He pursed his lips and then narrowed his eyes. "You're so rude."
"Puns are not funny!" he spat.
"Let me tell you something, Yugi. Throughout my life, people have told me that puns are not funny. These people are wrong," he announced in a hiss, reaching over and wrapping his arm around his shoulders and pulling him closer. "But let me tell you what I have done to those people, little one."
Yugi's eyes nearly popped out of his head, horrified. Was Yami about to tell him that he and Steven had sent velociraptors after anyone who hated puns? He didn't think Yami's dwindling supply of birthday cake could hold them off forever…
"I punish them."
He took a moment, still picturing the dinosaurs ripping open his flesh, and then snarled, "Oh my fucking gods, Yami!" when the words finally connecting. That son of a bitch!
The taller teen pushed him away, howling with laughter and watching him as he nearly trembled with frustration at the statement.
"Don't hate the player. Hate the game!"
"Don't you go telling me who to hate and who not to hate," Yugi snapped, poking him in the chest roughly and making Yami's eyes nearly bug out of their sockets. "I will hate whatever and whoever I want to!"
"Ow. You poke hard," he mumbled, rubbing his chest when Yugi pulled his finger away.
"Damn straight I do!"
Yami grinned wickedly, leaning forward. "You know, that says a lot about how you'll thrust too," he whispered as if conspiring with him.
"Damn straight it—what?" His cheeks burned as he gaped at him. "Gods, Yami, get your head out of the gutter!"
"But it likes the gutter! The gutter is its home. Are you telling my head to go homeless?"
Yugi covered his face with his hands and shook his head, rolling his eyes behind their lids. "This is going to be the longest study session I've ever had."
"Ooh, yes, and you can do me like a math problem," he murmured, purring softly. "Long and slow, with tears."
He spat out a sharp bark of a laugh. "Sorry, Yami, but I don't struggle with math like you."
Yami blinked wide eyes and then scooted away, giving him an incredibly hurt look that Yugi cringed at. "I'm not sure I like you today."
"Well, too damn bad. You're stuck with me today because we have studying to do because I refuse to date a stupid," he snapped, sipping his coffee and avoiding the look on his face. If he had glanced over, he would have seen Yami smirking ear to ear, a twinkle of pure excitement and arousal in his eyes.
"Are you a magician?"
Yugi paused, squinting around the lip of his coffee. "I thought I was going to be a nude prostitute," he muttered, pursing his lips and tilting his head curiously at him. "If we're changing plans, you have to tell me, okay? Otherwise I'm going to get lost with this."
Yami blinked, scrunching his eyes shut for a long moment before shaking his head. "Because whenever I look at you, everyone else disappears!"
The smaller teen blinked and then furrowed his brows before glancing around and then turning back. "…That might be because no one else is here yet."
The taller boy covered his face, cracking up and turning away. "Oh my god," he muttered, shaking his head. "You just sucked all the magic out of that pick-up line."
"Oh…oops. Sorry." He paused and then sat up slightly. "Magic is overrated anyways."
"How rude."
Yugi blushed faintly, pursing his lips and looking his coffee cup over; should he apologize or just leave it? He didn't think Yami cared aside from snickering at him playfully but after having almost stabbed his hand with his pencil the day before, he felt really bad. That had to be bad boyfriend etiquette, right? You weren't supposed to want to wait until he wasn't looking so you could drive a pencil through his hand…right?
Yugi cringed at the thought, nibbling on his coffee cup lid and swallowing hard to keep from vomiting in distress. He'd never been this cranky and irritable before—and he'd never exactly suffered from buzzing behind his eyes while drinking coffee either. Or had a voice akin Barney the dinosaur talking about birthday cake when he first woke up in the morning.
He was half expecting that at some moment he would try to take Yami's soul if he wasn't careful. But the puns weren't helping his resolve not to and he was honestly having a hard time getting to that point where he loved him too much to do it because of his stupid puns. Fucking puns.
By the gods, he hated puns.
Although…the embarrassment from his pick-up lines was a little cute at the same time and it was kind of fun to hear him use them. Especially when he got that gleam to his eyes and looked entirely too hot and adorable all at once…
"Um…aibou?"
Yugi blinked wide eyes and then looked over, confused. "Hmm?"
Yami raised a brow and narrowed his eyes faintly before shaking his head and shrugging. "Just checking to see if you were still with me," he muttered, blinking and shaking his head again.
He snorted. "Where else would I be but at school?" the smaller boy asked, giving him a look as if he had lost his mind that his boyfriend mimicked for a split second before glowering.
"Are you sassing me now?"
Yugi blinked and then flashed him a wide smile in response, unsure of what else to do. Yami stared at him blankly for a long moment and both of them blinked before turning away. His boyfriend's fingers tapped restlessly against the desk for a moment as he nibbled on his cup.
"It's a phase?"
Yami blinked and narrowed his eyes. "What phase don't you go through?"
"A pun-loving one," he stated immediately, glaring. "I will always hate them. Regardless of caffeine intake."
He pursed his lips. "My boyfriend hates puns—something essential to my life force—"
"I am your life force," Yugi cut in sharply, raising his chin defiantly as Yami's mouth fell open at the statement, eyes wide in shock. "Anything else is just a little piece of shit attempt at replacement. I win every time though cause I'm amazing and you love me."
Yami opened and closed his mouth again before grinning and pecking his temple. "Spoken like a true boyfriend."
"God."
"Right. God. Spoken like a true god."
"Damn straight."
"All right, guys, everyone get to your seats and…by the gods, Yami, stop that obnoxious slurping noise you keep making!"
Yami opened and closed his mouth and then looked over at Yugi with bug eyes as the smaller blushed fiercely. The teacher was still glaring at his boyfriend but when he looked over the taller slurped loudly enough that several kids burst out laughing and someone made a catcall.
"Yami," the teacher snapped, crossing his arms. "None of that."
He pursed his lips slightly. "So, I'm the only one whose not allowed to slurp or does that go for the whole class?" he huffed, crossing his arms and leaning back in his seat. "Because I'm feeling super attacked right now."
Yugi coughed up some coffee, whispering, "I need to slurp. I'm exercising my throat muscles. That way I can be a nude prostitute the right way" with his head turned slightly, eyes on the wall as if he were looking and speaking to someone there. His boyfriend stared at him with narrowed eyes, finding nothing but the pencil sharpener in Yugi's line of vision.
"Well, I guess as long as you're utilizing those skills," Yami muttered, blinking and watching the smaller boy nod without looking away from the sharpener.
"I am." He was still whispering and the taller shivered slightly, feeling as if he had just come across a one-sided conversation in which Yugi was promising someone something he didn't understand.
"Um…okay…?"
Yugi blinked and looked over at him curiously, eyes growing wide before he smiled slowly and blinked cutely. "Did you say something, koi?"
His eyes nearly popped out of his head. "Um…a-are you feeling okay…aibou…?"
The smaller boy blinked again and then smiled widely, nodding. "Mmhmm, I feel good."
Yami stayed quiet the rest of the class period, listening to the teacher talk about history before shooting Yugi a sideways glance. His boyfriend would occasionally slurp and then grow flushed when the teacher told him to stop. And sometimes, if he listened really closely, he thought he could hear him whispering, "I know. He's so rude. I like slurping. Asshole…"
But he never commented on it and Yugi never said anything even as they got to lunch hours later and Yami watched him like a hawk. The others walked in on him eyeing him sideways and the smaller drinking his coffee obliviously aside from occasional glances and cute blinks.
Tea eyed him a little suspiciously as she sat down, blue gaze narrowed into slits as she took him in. Yugi continued sipping and looked up blankly from a math worksheet, staring at her as if he couldn't place her, and then smiled warmly and turned back to his studies. She shot Yami a pointed look but the other was busy staring at Yugi with an intensity that made her stomach twist.
"And I am here, bitches!" Bakura sang, taking a seat and slapping his palm against the table as he looked at the others. Yami shot him a curious glance and then smirked widely before looking towards Malik. Both of his cousins sat forward slightly in their seats, waiting.
"So! All the natural disasters took a vote to see which one was the worst," Yami announced, grinning. "Avalanche won by a landslide."
"I thought tornado won in a blowout," Bakura said immediately.
"Hurricane blew the others away," Malik retorted instantly.
"Flooding was a bit of a wash," Tristan snorted, taking a seat and smirking when the three of them shot him surprised looks. Yami shot him a small wink as Yugi blinked slowly and raised his head, blue-violet eyes narrowing into slits.
"I thought blizzard buried the rest," Joey put it.
"I saw how Godzilla stomped the competition but was eliminated for being fictional," Yugi spat viciously, bristling as they all looked at him with surprised glances and then cringed. He glared at his boyfriend who narrowed his eyes and curled his lip slightly.
"Meteor made a deep impact."
The smaller teen threw his hands up and got to his feet, seething as he headed off to get a new coffee.
"Uh, Yami…?"
He turned away from where he was smirking at Yugi's retreating form, turning a curious look on the blue-eyed girl and tilting his head. "Yeah?"
"I…um…I think maybe you should cut Yugi off from coffee," Tea muttered, tucking a hair behind her ear nervously and glancing at the boy before turning back. Yami would have teased her that she shouldn't have been watching Yugi's butt like that but stopped short when he saw the troubled expression on her face. "Like…immediately."
Joey and Tristan swapped looks, glancing at her and then their friend. "Yeah, um…maybe just make him have less?" the blond tried, clearing his throat awkwardly and earning a deep frown from Tea.
"Why would I do that?" Yami finally asked, glancing around to make sure the other boy wasn't coming towards the table yet. "I honestly don't understand why you guys want me to do that…"
Tristan grimaced. "Yugi and caffeine is a really bad match," he sighed, scratching the back of his head. "He tends to be…a little…aggressive when he's caffeinated."
"Explain aggressive."
"Well, you just witnessed a small bit of it."
Yami waited a long minute for one of them to add to it but all three of them looked reluctant to talk about it, swapping looks and almost appearing sick to their stomachs. "So…you're saying that his slight irritation towards puns is what I'm supposed to be worried about?" he asked after a moment, glancing over his shoulder again, unsurprised to see that there was actually a line for the coffee today; Yugi was still in the back, fidgeting slightly and bouncing in place. "I can handle him being a little cranky."
"A little cranky?" Joey repeated incredulously. "No, Yami, you don't understand."
"I think I just told you that a minute ago," he growled sourly, narrowing his eyes at the exasperated tone the other boy was taking on. The blond blinked and immediately shook his head, giving him a sheepish grin that he willingly lowered his guard at once more.
"What I mean is, he just…"
"He's going to get worse."
Bakura and Malik raised their brows at the statement, swapping looks and then narrowing their eyes. Yami glanced at them sideways and then turned back as Tristan mumbled, "He, uh…shit, Yami, he's going to be really aggressive pretty soon. His grandpa usually limits whenever he gets coffee because of how nasty he gets."
The red-eyed boy blinked and glanced over his shoulder again. Yugi's temperament was off, but he didn't think he would get violent or something if that was what they meant… And even if he did, Yami was almost one hundred percent sure he could handle him if it came down to it.
"Can you give me an example or…? I mean, I don't want to just cut him off for no reason. And aside from that, I don't want to cut him off, period. I don't see what harm coffee could do to him and besides, he seems okay." Yami frowned at them as he turned back and narrowed his eyes.
"I think it's sweet and all that you don't want to be someone who tries to limit whatever Yugi wants, but this is for his health—mental and physical," Tea pressed, fidgeting with her pink jacket sleeve and sighing unhappily. "He's going to make himself sick drinking all of that coffee—you shouldn't even have more than a couple of cups a day—but aside from that, he just…"
"Dude, just believe us and cut him off—and fast." Joey gestured towards him in line. "Tell him that he needs to limit himself when he studies. Give him a pep talk about how he can ace the make-up test without coffee."
Yami stared at them for a long minute and then looked at his cousins who shrugged and gave him incredulous looks, as if they couldn't even understand why he was considering it. Mana snickered a little, giving him that look that said he was an idiot to think he could do that in the first place. When he turned back, he could already see the defeat in the other three's eyes.
"You haven't exactly given me a reason to do that," he finally mumbled, frowning and chewing his cheek. They had to have reasons, right? They weren't just saying that because they could, were they? Yami felt his stomach twist as he glanced over his shoulder again. Yugi was starting to get near the doorway, still rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet, lips pursed slightly. They knew him better than he did, considering they were his best friends…
He felt half of him leaning towards their words, no matter the lack of support they were giving him in terms of reasons why he should do that at all. But the other half was repulsed by the idea of trying to control the other boy, no matter how small the aspect. He had never been one for being oppressed in any way and he couldn't stand to consider doing that to anyone else. Especially his little aibou. Yugi was too sweet and cute for that, even if it might save him the headache that some of his behavior was giving him.
He turned back, shaking his head. "I'm not doing that. If something happens or you can actually give me a reason, then I'll cut him off but unless that happens, he can have as much as he wants."
Tea opened her mouth to argue with him but one look into his eyes said he wasn't about to back down and would fight tooth and nail if he was pushed. She sighed, sitting back in her seat and shaking her head slightly.
"Well?" he pressed coolly when Joey scowled and Tristan started chewing his cheek. "Got a reason, Joey?"
The blond went to snap at him but then stopped, cheeks puffed out like a chipmunk's as he glanced at Yugi. The smaller teen had begged them never to mention it and had even broken down in tears when they had teased him once, too mortified to function for a whole week. He'd locked himself in his room and refused to come out aside from bathroom and food breaks that whole seven-day period. And all of them had promised Yugi and each other that they wouldn't talk about it—ever.
"No," he finally grumbled, ducking his head and huffing bitterly. "But just remember that we actually did try to warn you."
"Warn you? About what?"
Yami glanced at the smaller boy and shook his head as Tristan's eyes bore into the side of his face, burning his skin. "Nothing aibou. What coffee did you get?"
"White chocolate," he purred, plopping down and holding the hot cup in his palms. "I think I'm halfway through the flavor selection now."
The taller teen snickered at the proud announcement. "How many flavors are there?"
Yugi blinked a few times and then furrowed his brows, putting his cup down to start counting on his fingers. Yami narrowed his eyes faintly, listening to him mumbling flavors before he finally held up both hands. "Ten."
He blinked slowly, nodding as Yugi grabbed his cup again and Bakura and Malik narrowed their eyes, wrinkling their noses slightly for a second. Yami had a split second where he thought maybe they would say something akin what the others had but relaxed immediately when Bakura instead muttered, "Quick. The accountant battle cry is needed. Weevil is headed this way!"
He glanced up when Yugi did, the smaller boy bristling as if he were heavily offended just by the other coming close to them. He sat straighter next to him, clutching his new coffee in a grip that made Yami slightly worried he might break it if he wasn't careful. He cast a small glance towards his fingers, relaxing when he saw that the other had loosened his grip some.
"How's it going, Yam Semen?"
"Well it was good before you came over," Yami quipped, putting his elbows on the table and leaning forward. "But now I'm regretting coming to school."
Yugi swatted him upside the head with just enough force to make him blink in surprise and turn with wide eyes. "You can't just skip school because of…an annoyance. You have to study for the test! I will not date a stupid," he replied, raising his chin defiantly and then glaring at Weevil and Rex sideways. "How are your dino-dildos, Rex? Have you found a mantis willing to screw you, Weevil?"
Bakura and Malik's eyebrows shot up, looking at the smaller boy with wary expressions before smirking slightly in amusement. Yugi was definitely getting feisty, more so than he had been before when he had jumped to their cousin's defense. Honestly that didn't seem so bad at all. Bakura was already getting a kick out of this and Malik was finding it too great to ignore.
Rex stayed quiet, holding his hands up in surrender immediately with a glance at Yugi who narrowed his eyes and turned to Weevil again. "Going to hide behind your boyfriend again, Yami?" the younger teen snickered, ignoring Yugi altogether. "I guess we all know who the dominant one in this relationship is."
Yami raised a brow. "Are you seriously going to tell me we're starting on this again?" he scoffed. "I already told you how relationships worked. I'm glad to see that you've forgotten though. Wouldn't want to mess up the bug culture and etiquette for you. Female mantises probably don't have the patience for you to fumble through it all."
"I heard they bite the head off mid-sex," Yugi commented, smirking widely at the younger teen and licking his lips. "Wonder if you're bug enough that you'll keep going without your brain too."
The red-eyed teen glanced at him sideways, a little unnerved at the idea and feeling sick when his mind tried to picture it. He so did not need to see that. He shuddered and shook his head slightly. "Why do you even know that?" he muttered, frowning as Yugi blinked innocent eyes and turned to him with a sweet expression.
"I was flipping through the channels and I saw the name 'Lady Killers' and then there were lions and I like lions so I decided to watch it and…Women are mean."
The taller burst out laughing at the statement, seeing Tea blush out of the corner of his eye. "Well, I'm glad you know that now. It would be so much harder trying to make you stay if you were interested in them and didn't know how terribly vicious they really are."
Yugi pursed his lips for a moment. "Well…there is the whole thing about how they don't like puns!" he snapped out, making the other blink wide eyes before glaring at him. Both of them stared for a moment and then the smaller leaned forward to kiss his cheek and sip at his coffee again. Yami snorted at the little action, rolling his eyes.
"Gay guys make me sick," Weevil spat suddenly, making Yami and Yugi both freeze before bristling and spinning on him again.
"Don't deep throat so far then," Mana scoffed, picking at her lunch dismissively as the others burst out laughing at the statement. Yami covered his face with his hand, laughing until tears had appeared in his eyes, and Yugi choked when he tried to sip his coffee again.
"Wow, I don't understand why he's so anal about this," the red-eyed boy said innocently, putting his elbow on the table and his chin in his hand.
"Because it's a pain in the ass," Bakura supplied with a snicker.
"He's just too straight for you guys," Malik murmured wistfully. "He's not one for hard things."
"You know, spaghetti is pretty straight too before you get it hot and wet," their cousin put in with a snicker, sticking his tongue out at Yugi when he glared at him in annoyance.
"Yeah, but anal sex is for assholes so he would fit in real nice," Bakura commented, blinking at the other boy innocently and smirking widely.
"And we have something in common with ambulances!" Yami stated excitedly, holding his head up a little and biting back laughter at the way Yugi narrowed his eyes in confusion and stared at him expectantly. "We both get loaded from the rear and go whoo-whoo!"
"Yeah, but you also have something in common with bungee jumpers," Malik threw in. "If the rubber breaks, you're in some real deep fucking shit!"
"You know, Yami, I don't think you can be gay," Yugi commented suddenly, baring his teeth in a little snarl as his boyfriend turned to him in confusion. "Gay guys can't be vegetarian. We like to eat wieners."
Yami almost commented on just how rude it was but then smirked widely, leaning forward and patting his cheek while Yugi's eyes widened, realizing he had a response. When the hell didn't he have a response though? The smaller boy sighed loudly, rolling his eyes at himself.
"I'm glad to hear you enjoy the buns."
"Goddamn it," the smaller teen muttered, covering his face with his hands and shaking his head. "Ugh."
"You know, Weevil, as much as I hate you, I'm going to give you some advice to use later in life—remember it always, okay?" the red-eyed boy announced, turning to the other and tilting his head with a smirk. "If you ever feel horny and see a girl, just remember. Leave it, it's beaver."
"These puns are starting to get a little sore," Malik muttered, sighing and rolling his eyes when Yami glanced at him and stuck his tongue out. "Well they are!"
"Right, I'll just have to put the cap back on this one."
"I was honestly wondering when the lube would come into this," Joey snorted.
Yami shrugged, blushing slightly. "I couldn't think of anywhere to slip that in," he admitted, laughing a little. "Anyways, Weevil, you just remember to stay away from the beaver and you might make it in life, okay?"
"Says the idiot so likely to get a fucking STD," the younger boy scoffed with a roll of his eyes.
"STD my ass," the other spat.
"Well, yeah, that would be how you would get one," Yugi snorted as if Yami had just said something too incredibly stupid to ignore; when the blue-violet eyes landed on his, the smaller blinked before pursing his lips in an "o" shape and blushing. "Oh…yeah, uh…oops."
"At this rate, he's too stupid to even know what to do with sex," Weevil snickered, laughing out loud when both of them stared at him blankly. "Ha, you don't even know what you're doing either, do you, Yam Semen?"
"When I get done with him, he's going to be so great at sex he'll have to take an aspirin with every one of his Viagra!" Yami announced loudly, leaping to his feet.
"Viagra?" Yugi squeaked. "What the hell am I going to use Viagra for?"
The taller reached over to run his fingers through his hair. "Because I plan to abuse that little prostate of yours—and nothing is going to stop me from doing so." He patted his head as realization dawned in his eyes and his mouth opened slightly in horror at the statement.
"Abuse," he hissed angrily, crossing his arms and huffing. "Going to make me dysfunctional and everything. Poor baby Yugi."
Yami snorted out a laugh, smirking at him playfully. "Baby Yugi, huh?"
Yugi looked at him. "Well, I would have named him Merlin—cause I am older than you—but I watched The Sword in the Stone when I was younger and I don't want to call my penis that because I'll picture the wizard guy and I just can't…"
The others started laughing, covering their mouths as Yami blinked stupidly and then snickered, shaking his head and patting his hair.
"Okay, you hold your roll over there, Arthur," he snorted, wiping a tear from his eye.
Yugi glanced at his right hand and then at him before looking back again, frowning. "Why are you even talking to him?"
"Oh. My. Ra!" the taller sputtered, laughing out loud and covering his mouth with a delighted look that made the smaller blink before blushing and huffing. Yugi nodded awkwardly, moving to press his face into his textbook, groaning and holding onto the coffee cup next to him. "That is awesome."
"Shut up," Yugi groaned, voice muffled as Yami snickered harder.
"Aw, no worries, it fits," he purred, plopping back into his seat again and then glancing at Weevil slowly, blinking in an exaggerated motion. "What the hell are you still doing here right now anyways? I think it's safe to say you can leave—"
"You dumb rich bastard," Weevil sneered, rolling his eyes and falling silent as Yami got to his feet again. They all stared, waiting, and the taller boy pulled his wallet out, slipping out a twenty-dollar bill and slapping it into his hand. Yugi nearly laughed his ass off when he leaned forward and folded his fingers over the money.
"Go buy yourself some better insults."
"Damn, he really is using accountant battle cries lately," Bakura sputtered around laughter, covering his mouth with the back of his hand and nudging Malik's shoulder. "This is too great."
Malik gave him a wide smirk and then turned to watch Weevil's face grow bright red before he sputtered and Yami bucked at him. The fourteen-year-old took off running immediately while their cousin plopped down in his seat once more, snickering.
"And that is how you deal with the peasantry," he announced, nodding and glancing at Yugi's textbook with a sigh. "Yugi, I have something to tell you."
The smaller boy looked at him uncertainly, hesitating and realizing immediately he was not about to like what was going to come out of the other boy's mouth. His mouth looked too straight…
"A motorcycle gang made up of ancient bisexual Norse monarchs—the bikings."
He nearly screamed in frustration after a full minute of trying to find some kind of hidden meaning in the statement. He searched every little bit of his memory, trying to figure out if he was talking about their relationship or asking him if he had ever seen a motorcycle gang, and then stopped short. His eyes stretched wide, mouth falling open as he sat up straighter and gawked at him. "Four puns in one!"
"Yes," the other purred, nodding vigorously.
"Holy crap, he's upping his game," Malik whispered, slightly awed. "Four in one…"
"I bought some shoes from a drug dealer," Bakura announced, smirking as he glanced sideways at Yugi who looked shocked out of his mind by the statement. "I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day."
Yami blinked slowly. "Three puns, not four. I'm still in the lead!"
"Oh my gods, this is getting out of hand," Yugi muttered, shaking his head and sighing loudly. "The next one who makes a pun, I'm going to smack you so hard you won't be able to see straight!"
Yami hesitated for a second and then put his hand on his shoulder, massaging with his fingers. "Yes, exactly. Lash out, aibou. That way everyone knows you're not to be trifled with. Always go straight for the throat! Especially if you're ever attacked by clowns. Then you really do have to go for the juggler."
Yugi turned a glare on him and then narrowed his eyes into slits. "I would hit you—so hard…but I'm pretty sure that would be counted as child abuse. And I'm not going to jail for you. I would be that one person to accidentally drop the soap."
"I…Oh…" The taller murmured, wrinkling his nose and blinking wide eyes before glancing over his shoulder awkwardly and then turning back. "But you're only allowed to drop the soap at my house. Otherwise I'm going to end up having to murder convicts in jail. Do you know how awkward a killing mission that would be? No, we'll play it safe. No physical abuse from you and you're only ever allowed to drop the soap at my house. Good? Yeah? Okay, great. I'm glad we're agreed."
The older teen opened and closed his mouth once before blinking slowly and then rolling his eyes towards the ceiling. "This is what I get for dating someone whose parents don't even know his actual age and his sister's birthday. No one knows if he's actually just sixteen. Could be twelve for all I know. Ha. I'm a pedophile for gorgeous jailbait."
He smacked his face into his textbook, groaning loudly and slouching in his seat. He was halfway through a second round of the loud noise when he felt hands moving against his back and stomach, his spine straightened gently.
"There we go. Can't have you showing off worse posture than you normally do," Yami announced cheerfully.
"Oh my gods," Yugi groaned exasperatedly.
Three hours later and Yugi found himself playing with his pencil, spinning it in his fingers and pursing his lips as Weevil and Yami sat at the table beside him, the aisle between them. The red-eyed teen was glaring at the board and Weevil was sneering something under his breath that Yugi really wished he could hear to distract him from their teacher. Chono was out for the day and the substitute was some kind of cantankerous monster that he was almost one hundred percent sure would eat his dreams if she got the chance. He shuddered, his pencil slipping at the thought as he looked up slowly and narrowed his eyes. He wondered if she had children and if those children had even made it past the first week of life. If they had, he knew they had to be badass little survivors because he couldn't see another way of making it through life with her as their mother.
He wondered what the lifespan of badass monster survivors was. Curiously he flipped his pencil again, guessing it was probably three times as long as the average person's. And why not? They had survived living with a cantankerous monster the first eighteen years of their life so why couldn't they survive a few illnesses?
He wondered what their weaknesses would be though. Maybe they were immortal or something…
He scoffed loudly and a couple of students jumped, confused and looking for the source of the noise. He ignored them, completely disregarding the sub's stare on his face, and sipped his coffee with furrowed brows. Why the hell were scientists trying so hard to find that if all they had to do was look at evil women with children?
He wondered, though, if that spread to kids that had been lied to about their age too. Maybe Yami would end up immortal if his parents kept telling him that he was a year younger…
The thought made his eyes widen and his mouth grow a little dry with shock. What if Yami was immortal? If he turned out to be immortal and Yugi had to die, what the hell was he going to do?
Yugi crossed his arms, sulking unhappily at the thought that Yami would move on and have another boyfriend or something after him. How rude would that be? Fucking cheater.
He jumped a mile when the door slammed, the sub leaving the room, and for a moment, in the silence, he finally heard the argument going on beside him. He couldn't hear whatever Weevil had said but he sure as hell heard his boyfriend's response and it threw away every little thought he had in his head, excitement thrumming through him.
"Well, I started out this day with twelve fucks and I plan to end it with a dozen," Yami snapped viciously, baring his teeth at the fourteen-year-old who flinched and nearly fell out of his chair. "If you're so smart, I bet you can guess how many fucks I plan to give today."
"Ooh, ooh, I know!" someone else cried excitedly, making widened blood red eyes shoot towards the source of noise as Yugi waved his arm with bright eyes. "Pick me!"
Yami opened and closed his mouth and Weevil made a noise like a snicker as he blinked wide eyes and then cleared his throat awkwardly. Yugi moved to put his hand in his face, glaring at him indignantly before pressing his palm against his mouth.
"Pick. Me," the smaller teen hissed, glaring furiously.
He felt his stomach twist momentarily before reaching up to push his hand away; wow, Yugi was pushy when he was caffeinated. "Okay, Yugi, how many fucks do I plan to give today?"
"Zero!" Yugi shouted loudly, nodding enthusiastically and smacking his palm against the desk happily. "You plan to give zero fucks today!"
His red-eyed boyfriend nodded after a moment, looking slightly bewildered by his excitement but giving him a small grin regardless. "Exactly. Zero." He spun on Weevil, baring his teeth as the younger boy fell over the edge of his seat. "Which means that you will get nothing from me—ever."
Yugi made a mental note to always listen in on Yami's arguments when he was bored, especially if they were sitting next to each other. This was too great to miss out on again.