Okay, so, before the story begins, I am going to address a couple of reviews that I got in my time away (that's putting that lightly lol). Okay, so!
Guest- I'm glad you love the story :D That's always good to hear! I'm still a little shocked by how many times you've read it because I never really thought something I wrote would be THAT loved! I honestly…I was really shocked out of my mind when I realized that it actually HAD been three months—I was hopeful that you were exaggerating and I'm STILL kind of shocked by that fact. I've been busy and unable to do much because of my internet being down. I'm actually leeching off wifi—a friend's and a store's near the house. You actually WILL figure out what his phases are—each of them, because Yami is going to have to suffer through them. And you guys ARE going to find out what happened LAST time he had coffee and went into his phases because the others are EVENTUALLY going to tell Yami what happened. Plus Yugi is going to tell him some of it… LOL I can't say much more than that because it'll ruin a couple of the future chapters, so, yeah. For now, I'm just going to post and then HOPE that I'll be able to update again soon.
Mistoka- *flattered* I'm glad you think so! I didn't really think someone would say something like that but I'm glad you think it's one of the best you've read in so long. Oh wow, your top three? That's fucking AWESOME! Thank you! Oh, well, I'm not sure if it's underrated or not…but I guess it's better to be underrated than over so thank you. Again.
I have NO idea when I'm going to be able to update again, so I have nothing else to say more than ENJOY~!
Disclaimer: I own nothing related to Yu-Gi-Oh.
Pun Bowl Part III: Pick Up Lines
"I'm not a photographer," Yami murmured, sitting down and purring in amusement as his smaller boyfriend nibbled on his cup of coffee and looked up with wide bright eyes. He looked a little mystified and the way his eyes scrunched up slightly made him bite back laughter. Poor Yugi probably wasn't getting enough sleep with all the coffee he was drinking.
Yami knew of a way that he could get him to sleep.
Of course that probably wouldn't happen anytime soon, but a boy could dream.
"I know…Wait, are you interested in photography?" Yugi asked, eyebrows rising in confusion as he studied him for a moment. Yami looked a little happier today, which was a tiny bit strange because he couldn't remember anything happening in particular to give him that light in his eyes.
"But I can picture me and you together!"
The smaller teen sighed loudly and dropped his forehead against the desk, scrunching his eyes up. "Oh my gods." He whined low in his throat and tried to curl up against the desk, hissing in annoyance after a moment. His coffee sloshed loudly next to his ear and he purred at the sound, moving to nuzzle the piece of cardboard as Yami stared blankly and glanced around awkwardly. Thank the gods no one was there just yet…
"So, um…did you want to come to my house again after school or are we going to study at your house or…?"
Yugi pursed his lips, raising his head and reaching over to pull his cup closer and lay his chin on the closed lid. "Um…I hadn't decided yet. Grandpa said he didn't need help with the shop today but I kind of want to anyways, you know? But then again, I do need to study and…yeah, I should study. Uh…let's go to your house then. We can sit in your room and just study and not worry about how much I…really want to play in the shop instead." He shook his head and pursed his lips, looking up at the ceiling momentarily and sniffling softly. He had forgotten how much he loved the shop's inventory and he was not ready to explain to Yami just how chaotic he had gotten when he was doing a check over the items. Yami didn't need to know about how he had gotten cardboard puzzle pieces stuck inside of a duel disk and had nearly broken an arm trying to put it on backwards. Or how he had gotten clipped across the jaw with the duel disk's stupid setup. How dare Kaiba make that for children anyways? That was a horrible marketing move on his part! Fucking tall brunets. They had to ruin everything…
"Um…" Yami bit his lip to keep from laughing out loud. He didn't know what exactly Seto had done, but it was great to hear Yugi grumbling about him angrily around his coffee. He looked like an angry, fluffed up kitten, and the sight of it made him want to laugh until he was crying. "So, that aside, anything else besides studying?"
Yugi gave him a small, confused glance and raised his brows, thinking hard before shaking his head slowly. "I don't think so. Why? Did you have a plan? No, no plans. We don't have time for plans, Yami! We have a test to ace by the end of the week!" He grabbed him by the lapels of his jacket, pulling him forward and baring his teeth in a small snarl. "We do not have time!"
"I don't…um…o-okay," he stammered, eyes nearly bugging out of his head and feeling relieved out of his mind as the smaller boy nodded in approval and turned away happily. No chance of catching the Jurassic Park marathon on TV then. His stomach sank, his lip jutting out as he turned away and pouted silently, cursing Chono for her choice of test dates. What was better than watching a marathon of the greatest movies ever made? Nothing.
Except maybe getting into Yugi's pants. Or owning a velociraptor. Or a dilophosaurus. Or…Okay, apparently there were quite a few things that ranked higher than that on his happiness radar.
Ooh! But they were replaying the entire series again on Valentine's Day too! Because what could possibly be better than seeing people getting ripped open on Valentine's Day? He thought the single people were lucky to get that much out of television. All the people they weren't dating and had no chance with getting mauled on TV? He remembered loving that a lot.
Stupid Vivian.
Yami snorted loudly and Yugi nearly spilled his coffee, startled and jumping sharply at the noise. Both look-alikes blinked wide eyes at each other and then looked mystified at the other's reaction. What the hell is he jumping at? I haven't even asked yet, the taller thought with a raised brow, snorting again and making Yugi leap once more.
"Are you doing acrobatics or something? Ra, Yugi!"
"You're the one making inappropriate animal sounds!" the smaller cried unhappily.
"Inappropriate animal…?"
"Yes! That snorting noise you keep making! Stop that!"
He blinked in bewilderment and then tilted his head in confusion before blushing furiously. He hadn't realized he had been making any noise at all. The lack of sleep must have been catching up with him since he had started cramming some for the retake. He'd barely gotten any sleep the last two nights because he had decided to at least attempt learning some of the material again without Yugi there. Because Yugi there, anywhere near him, woke up Excalibur even if he didn't do anything in particular.
Stupid Excalibur and his neediness, always trying to get him into trouble.
No wonder everyone called him a sexual deviant.
They all knew.
Then again, he supposed that was something to be proud of. They all knew that Excalibur existed in his pants!
Yami blinked stupidly and ducked his head, mortified by the train of thought and shaking his head slowly. He needed to get sleep. He so needed to get sleep—and lots of it at this rate.
"Sorry, aibou. I didn't really know I was doing that."
Yugi narrowed his eyes slightly, about to ask how he didn't know but then thought back to the duel disk and how he hadn't realized he was putting the puzzle piece in at first. He still couldn't understand what had happened. He had thought he was putting in Summoned Skull and then somehow he wound up staring at a split piece of cardboard and the duel disk's life point counter glowing with a malfunction warning.
He hadn't been too concerned, though, because it had felt pleasant in his head behind his eyes so it hardly mattered anymore to him after the initial shock. It was only after his grandpa had called him out on it and he had been unable to think of a suitable lie that he had grown unhappy and confused.
And the look that his grandpa had gotten when they were talking still confused him even as he stared at Yami. He'd looked a little disturbed but mostly like one of those masterminds in a movie, laughter and some kind of dark amusement in his eyes. Yugi blinked and stared at Yami curiously, wondering for a moment if he could make him make that same face. But then he shied away from the idea, realizing that it would require an explanation and he was still not about to tell him anything about it—or even hint at it.
His resolve was set, dead set and—
"Make a funny face," he demanded, nodding eagerly and sizing him up as Yami blinked stupidly and stared at him with a thoroughly confused look.
"What?"
"Make a funny face," Yugi repeated, drawing the statement out slower with a sarcastic undertone that made his boyfriend's lip curl slightly in annoyance.
"I'm not slow, Yugi," he hissed angrily. "I just don't know what the hell you want me to do that for."
He blinked and then sighed, rolling his eyes and nearly tossing his coffee everywhere when he threw his hands up dramatically. Yami lunged forward, snatching the beverage and yelping when coffee sprayed on his hands, stinging him violently while Yugi stared in shock.
"Son of a fucking bitch!" Yami screeched, jerking his hand away and cradling his wrist as his skin started to turn bright red. A bit of light brown dripped from his fingertips to his jeans and the smaller boy stared in shock before blinking wide eyes.
"Oh my gods, are you okay?"
The taller teen gave him a slightly surprised look, unsure of whether he was talking to him or the coffee cup for a moment—it seemed like something crazy Yugi would do at this point—and then purred in satisfaction when he realized he was speaking to him.
"Hurts," he admitted, nodding once and nearly laughing at himself. He sounded like all of those martyrs on TV, getting wounded and eagerly accepting the attention from someone who would otherwise have ignored them.
Yugi bit his lip and then turned to push his coffee cup away, glaring at it disdainfully before turning back to him with wide eyes. Yami froze in place, eyes wide and horrified when he saw that Yugi's gaze was glassy and he looked ready to bawl at any moment.
Oh shit, was my acting that convincing or something?
He fought off a snort and cringed when the first tear was shed.
"I didn't mean to! I'm sorry, Yami!" he cried, voice growing loud and blubbery, the taller boy blinking in pure shock at the display. Yugi flailed his arms behind his desk now, gesturing wildly and stupidly towards his cup and then him as he continued sobbing, "I didn't mean to! I really didn't! I just—I don't think when I do things sometimes! And I shouldn't be drinking coffee anyways but I like it so I'm going to keep drinking it and it'll help me pass my test and you have to pass too and—Stupid coffee!"
The taller boy blushed furiously, unused to the fuss that Yugi was making over his injured hand and nearly fainting with pleasure when the smaller boy sniffed at his skin and then ran his tongue over it. "W-what are you doing?" he squeaked, blushing until his entire face took on the hue and his eyes were barely noticeable amidst the vibrant color. He was pretty sure he was about to pass out—there was too much blood focused in different places and he was getting a head rush and Excalibur was making his pants incredibly tight…
"I read one time that animals lick their wounds because it helps to keep infection from growing and helps soothe the skin," the smaller stated, nodding in determination and licking again while Yami opened and closed his mouth in disbelief before blushing harder. "We don't want it to get worse, right?"
"Yugi, aibou, you're not an animal and they only do that with open cuts—"
"You don't want me to help you?" he cried, sobbing louder and bowing his head with another high-pitched cry that sounded almost like a goose. The noise made Excalibur fall back in place immediately, Yami too shocked by the sound to really know what to do with himself at the moment. "I didn't mean to beat you up! It just happened, Yami!"
"Beat me up? What? Yugi, you spilled coffee, you didn't—"
"It's okay! I know I'm the abusive one now!"
Yami blinked wide eyes and ducked his head as he realized some kids were heading for their class now. "Aibou, no, no, I love you."
"You can't love someone so abusive! That's not good!"
"Yes it is," he stated simply, blushing harder and nodding vigorously and praying to every god in existence that no one would take the conversation seriously. "Yes, it is very good for me. Because I, um…I'm a…"
Oh gods, what the hell were they called?
Mauso…
Mausoleums?
No, no, not that. Bad Yami, that was a cemetery thing! He didn't need to think about cemeteries anytime soon—but then again, if he didn't work this out quickly, he thought maybe he would die of pure embarrassment. He wondered vaguely what the magazine article would look like if that were to happen.
"The World Champion Died of Embarrassment Today at"—shit, what time was it? Um…—"Domino High School Because His Boyfriend Was a Little Too Much For Him."
Hmm…Well that was a little long for a newspaper article.
Yami flushed when he realized that Yugi was staring at him blankly, blinking wide glassy eyes, tears building up in the silence, and wondered why it was he wasn't crying yet. Normally if someone cried in front of him, he was crying with them and—
"Masochist!" he spat out, nodding enthusiastically and ignoring some snickers and confused looks from the other students. "I am a masochist. I…err…like it when people are, um…abusive towards me?"
Yami was almost one hundred percent sure that wasn't what a masochist was or did but he was pretty sure it didn't matter at the moment. As long as Yugi stopped crying before he started, then it was all good.
"Oh…" Yugi trailed off for a moment, looking his hand over and then licking again once before pausing and looking at his cup. "Oh wait, so I…that kind of means you don't want me to help you out with that, right?"
His brain stuttered, switching off as he looked at where Yugi had licked him again. "Not now, Excalibur," he hissed under his breath, hoping Yugi didn't hear before feeling the impulse to sob out loud when the smaller boy's head snapped around to look at his crotch.
"He's still not very big…"
"Kill me!" he sobbed loudly, covering his face with his hands and yelping at the pain in his right as someone else burst out laughing and whispered to someone else.
"Yami's got a micro-dick?" someone whispered in shock, laughing a moment later.
"Oh my Ra," Yami whispered, ducking his head and sliding his way under the table with a loud whimper.
Yugi bristled suddenly, spinning on them and spitting, "I'm the only one allowed to say that his penis is small, got it, bitch? My boyfriend's penis, not yours!"
The taller teen made to crawl for the door but ended up yelping in pain when Yugi accidentally kicked him in the side. The smaller boy peeked under as his boyfriend doubled over on his side and held up a thumb to tell him he was fine. "It's all good under here," he mumbled, fighting off tears. Fuck me.
"Okay, that's good." Yugi nodded and then sat up, leaning forward and putting his elbows on the table, chin in hands. It was only after a few minutes had passed in pure silence that he finally realized that no one was talking or laughing at him or Yami anymore. He turned his head, surprised to find that all of them were sitting and watching, quickly turning away when he looked at them.
Yami noticed that too as he finally crawled out from under the table and took his seat again, rubbing his sore side and resisting the urge to lick his stinging hand now as well. Anything to get rid of the stupid burn. And when he looked at them, he realized that they would only catch his eye if they weren't directly in Yugi's line of vision. He glanced at his smaller boyfriend, unnerved to find just how excited he suddenly looked, as if he had all the power in the world now that they all seemed afraid of him.
He shook the idea off after a moment, blushing before chewing his thumbnail for a split second and then awkwardly giving Yugi a small smile when he turned to him with a bright-eyed look. Yeah, no way was he going to question whatever was going on in his head.
"Are you a doctor?"
Yugi looked up from his coffee with eyes that appeared almost bloodshot, blinking at him curiously before shaking his head and furrowing his brows faintly. "A doctor? No—"
"Cause you just cured my erectile dysfunction!"
A small moment of silence passed between them and Yugi cleared his throat awkwardly while Yami felt his stomach twist. Oh gods, Yugi didn't get the pick-up line…
"…You should get that checked out."
"Yugi…" he started, a sigh creeping into his voice; he really needed to get his caffeine intake under control or something. His best material was just going down the drain at this rate. But, besides that—and more importantly—Yugi was started to act a lot stranger and he was still unsure of what to do about that. And sometimes, when he looked at Yugi's friends, he saw them staring at the smaller boy as if he were a ticking time bomb and might explode at any second. He thought they might just end up trying to lock him up in an insane asylum or something.
And now he had to wonder horribly what it was that Yugi had done while caffeinated that had made them try to urge him to make Yugi stop drinking coffee in the first place. There had to be a story behind that, right? But if they wouldn't tell him, then what was the point of asking?
Joey had said they promised not to talk about it, right? So if he wasn't going to talk about and trying to actually control Yugi and his decisions was against his morals as a boyfriend, then what the hell was he to do about it? Maybe he could just suggest it and—?
"No, seriously, if you have that, you should probably get that checked out."
"Oh Ra," he breathed, shaking his head slightly and blinking stupidly. Yugi was peering at him curiously, and with such grave seriousness that it made his stomach twist violently. "No, Yugi, I—"
"Seriously—ooh, we can go to get you checked out later!" Yugi announced, nodding. "My grandpa's friend Yoshimori is a doctor in your cousin's hospital and—"
"Yugi, no, I don't need—"
"Yami, you're only sixteen—if you're even that old"—his mouth fell open at the scoffing tone and he gaped at him stupidly as he continued—"and you shouldn't have ED already. That's for old people—which, again, begs the question…how the fuck old are you?"
He blinked again and shook his head, starting to open and close his mouth a few times before shifting his weight and awkwardly scooting a small inch away from him. Today was starting out really strangely and Yami was just not ready for this yet. He needed to—well, first of all, he needed to get some actual sleep for once and then he needed to try to regroup his thoughts and maybe make one of Yugi's friends break their promise because with the way this was going, he had to know. He had to know just what the fuck was going on.
Especially with the phases that Yugi had going on with his coffee intake. He didn't understand it and he really needed to. Because some of this was just getting out of hand. Especially since the day before, when he had tried to hold hands with him, Yugi had stared at their fingers all during their movie date and seemed to think that their hands had somehow gone through each other. And if that wasn't a massive neon sign of a warning, he didn't know what was.
It took a while, but Yami had expected it to be spread around. He had been waiting for what seemed like forever. All day he had been listening for it, waiting for someone to make a joke of it by speaking to him about it. Or asking Yugi if it was true. But none of them were stupid enough to go to Yugi after what had happened before when he had snapped at that girl. So they had all waited around and Yami was still amazed that it had taken a whole day for it to be spread around even remotely.
So he wasn't completely surprised but he was growing more and more upset with it. They were all whispering about it, letting him hear it when he passed by, and he had to know what to do about it all. What the hell was he going to do about it?
Of course, he should have known and expected that it would come around during lunch.
Bakura was already sitting at the table waiting for them, licking his lips as if he were a cat eyeing down a bird. Yami hesitated with his tray of food and then glanced at his boyfriend who seemed oblivious as he raised his books up slightly. For a moment he thought he had lost his mind, wondering why he was carrying them level with his eyes, before blinking stupidly at himself. Yugi was seeing how badly his hands were shaking and Yami had to admit that he was absolutely amazed by how little they seemed to be doing so.
"So, I heard something interesting today," Bakura announced, smirking widely as Yugi took a seat across from him and Yami claimed the spot next to him. "Tell me, Yami, how long were you planning to hide that from the rest of us?"
It took him only a second of looking into his cousin's eyes to realize what he meant. "Oh fuck you, Bakura," he sniped, jerking when Yugi swatted him in the back of his head lightly, not looking up from where he was beginning to rearrange his notebooks and tray.
"No cursing."
"Okay," Yami huffed, rolling his eyes and turning back to Bakura to find him looking between them in confusion. "Anyways, shut up about that. It wasn't serious."
"So you mean…you don't have a micro-dick?"
"No, you f—flipping idiot," he barked out, giving Yugi a quick sideways glance only to find that the other was no longer paying attention. Or at least he didn't seem to be anyways. But with the way that he was acting, Yami would not have been surprised if he was suddenly able to concentrate on twenty conversations at once or something. At least then the caffeine would have some kind of purpose to play.
"Is that true, Yugi?" Bakura purred, ignoring his statement altogether.
Yugi paused from writing his name on his homework sheet and then sat up a little, confused as he looked towards Yami and then his cousin. "What?" he asked quietly, blinking. "What are you…? What?"
"I asked if it was true that Yami has a micro-dick."
Yami nearly lunged for his throat, frustrated with just how easily the words came out, how flippant and humorous they sounded. Fucking cousin that he was. He honestly just wanted to smack him but that was immediately forgotten when Yugi spoke.
"Oh. That. Hmm…well, it seems that way. Right now…do you think it's possible for a penis to shrink suddenly?" he asked curiously, leaning forward intently and watching the brown-eyed teen. "Because if it is, then I think that's what happened to your cousin, but I'm not entirely sure…"
Bakura coughed awkwardly, smirking and looking to his cousin slowly. "I don't know, Yami, is that possible?" he snickered, biting his lip as Yami scowled in frustration.
"No, it's not—"
"So, then I guess you were always small…" Yugi mumbled, looking at him curiously. "So…then why did I think you were big before?"
Bakura cackled and nearly fell out of his seat, tears appearing in his eyes, and Yami glared at him furiously before turning back to Yugi. "It was the excitement!" his cousin burst out in a choking fit. "He seemed—big—b-be-because you—oh my god!"
"He seemed big because he is big, you fucking asshole," the red-eyed teen snapped viciously, ignoring the look of something akin pity that he got from a girl passing by. Tea, Joey and Tristan stopped short where they were coming to the table, blinking wide eyes, and Yugi merely stared at his boyfriend.
"He's really not that big."
"Yugi," Yami snapped angrily, blushing and shooting him a glare when he realized that Malik and Mana were joining them now too. Neither of them looked entirely amused by the gossip they had heard or the fact that Bakura was struggling to breathe in his seat. "Stop it. Be quiet already."
"No! You can't just silence me like that! I have a right to say that I don't think Excalibur looks all that big," Yugi announced, voice coming out almost brave and excited but with a small edge to it that sounded almost threatening.
"Yugi, if you love me at all, you'll stop."
"Yami, I love you, but the truth must be spoken! I just...I don't see how Excalibur is that great when he's so small!"
None of them were laughing anymore. Bakura had stopped short and was staring at Yugi in mystification. Malik and Mana swapped looks and then took their seats, glancing at the others. Joey took the spot next to Bakura and Tristan and Tea piled in on either side of them, confused and startled. Yami's voice had dropped low, growing vicious and cold and bordering pure rage, and his left hand was shaking from where it was settled against the table. Mana recognized that only from the few times she had witnessed someone pushing his buttons until he snapped. And she remembered it mostly from when Ushio had shoved him into his locker the first day of school. It had been right before he had told her to keep her mouth shut and get to class while he dealt with him.
"He is not fucking small! He's just so fucking repulsed by you and your attitude that he doesn't want to bother with you!"
"That's another thing, Yami. You told me just earlier today that I cured your erectile dysfunction—"
"Yugi, I swear to all holy and good in this world that I will fucking shun you for the next three fucking weeks if you do not shut up!" he spat, and Mana shivered, glancing at Bakura and Malik to see if they were going to try to settle him down or get ready to separate them. She doubted that Yami would do anything to him, but his temper as a whole—the few times that he let it loose—was not something that anyone would ever wish to be exposed to.
"See? He didn't even stir," the smaller noted with a huff, leaning over towards his crotch and whispering softly. "E-rec-tile…"
"Yugi!"
"What? He should spring up whenever a penis is mentioned! He used to before you got ED."
"No, no, Yugi, I did not get…" He breathed in roughly, snarling and looking towards the ceiling. "Yugi, it was a pick-up line!"
"Yeah, well, I think there is something seriously wrong with him! And you lied to me about his size! He's tiny and—"
"Yugi, shut the hell up!" he spat, smacking his shaking hand on the table and glaring angrily, the sound of his palm against the wood making the others flinch violently. "Shut up, shut up, shut up!"
The smaller boy gave him a terribly shocked look and then huffed loudly, shaking his head and turning away with a scoff. "It's not my fault genetics fucked you over like that. I mean, honestly, Yami. It's okay, it's not some kind of disease. It's just a small penis. It's just a little guy, nothing bad. Blame your dad, actually. I mean, odds are if you're tiny, he is too. Ooh, it must be a club! A club of tiny penises!"
Yami nodded once and then snapped his fingers at Bakura who was too stunned to speak at the moment. "Swap seats with me—Now!" he snarled when the other stared at him stupidly. The silver-haired teen scrambled to swap seats with him, just barely managing to avoid it when Yami spun behind his seat and nearly slammed his tray into his shoulder.
"Oh my gods," Malik muttered, Mana and the others too stunned to react.
"What the…?"
Yugi stared in confusion for a moment, glancing at Yami and then Bakura and slowly blinking wide eyes. "Wait…did I swap seats?" he muttered softly, narrowing his eyes and trying to sort out what had just happened.
"Yugi, Yami and I—"
"No, no hints! Let me think!"
Yami scoffed loudly, grumbling, "Yeah, let's see what his tiny fucking brain comes up with in the meantime, shall we?" and stabbing his pizza with a fork.
"Whoa, man, calm down a little bit," Joey pleaded, eyes wide as he glanced between them. "You know he didn't mean anything by—"
"Joey."
The blond froze in place, swallowing hard as he turned his head and found Yami glaring at him sideways through his lashes, eyes blazing and leaving his spine tense and his stomach twisting violently.
"Shut the fuck up."
"Hi!" Yugi exclaimed excitedly, pulling on the straps of his backpack and nearly trembling where he stood in front of him. Yami didn't glance up at him as he put his notebooks back in place and began to look through his agenda to pick at his homework.
He waited a long minute, watching him sort through it all before the red-eyed teen closed his locker and pulled his canvas bag on. "Hi!" he repeated with the same enthusiasm, at first assuming that he hadn't heard him.
Yami didn't even glance at him, instead starting to walk ahead, making Yugi scramble to his side again. "Um…?" he started, pursing his lips in confusion before shrugging after a moment and sipping at his coffee as Yami held the door open for him in a seemingly impatient gesture. "Thank you…?"
Yami ignored him again, listening to the door click into place and lock again before starting towards where his cousins and sister stood. Yugi stared at him in confusion, raising a brow before pursing his lips again and then glancing at the others. Mana gave him a horribly pityingly sympathetic look, a small strained smile coming across her face, and then turned away again. Bakura and Malik both awkwardly sucked loudly on their teeth and then turned away again.
"Homework?" Mana asked, clearing her throat awkwardly.
"Little bit," Yami replied, shrugging. "I should have it done in a couple of minutes though. It's pretty easy."
Yugi glanced at him in surprise and then at the others and then back to him. "What kind of homework?"
Bakura awkwardly rambled, "You know, I think Chono is coming back to school in a couple of days. I heard that she pulled for a vacation so that she could get her mole removed."
"Bullshit!" his cousin barked, smirking at him and shaking his head. "No way. I bet she dies with that thing stuck to her face. It's the only thing even slightly attractive about her face."
"I wasn't aware you were into hairy brown lumps of skin," Malik snorted, laughing when Yami blushed slightly and then scowled at him playfully.
"Fuck you, Malik." He dodged away from Yugi when he reached over for his hand. Mana cringed and shook her head when she saw the expression on the other boy's face. Yugi looked far more lucid than he had in days, completely aware of what was going on around him, and the hurt in his eyes made her want to cry for a moment. She had the impulse to pull him into her arms and explain what was going on, but then pushed it away immediately. Yami would ignore her for the rest of his life if she betrayed him like that. Yugi might not have realized what was going on in that second, but they all knew that he still had the general concept of what had been said and done during lunch. "If anyone has such nasty kinks, it's you."
"Oh please, you're the bondage slave—"
"Bitch please, was Catwoman wearing enough leather for you?"
"Oh my Ra, stop it!" Malik snapped, blushing furiously and glancing at Yugi sideways before clearing his throat awkwardly. "He's not allowed to know about that yet, damn it! He hasn't been with the family for a year yet!"
"Yeah, but he'll make it that long and then he'll know and you'll have yet another person blackmailing you with that," Yami stated smugly, smirking at him and pulling his hand away to slip into his pocket when Yugi tried again to hold it.
Mana flinched violently when she saw the lost expression on his face and the way his eyes grew wide with immense hurt. He looked ready to cry, and it was obvious that he had no idea what he had done to deserve Yami shunning him, but she wasn't about to say anything about it. She could tell Yami saw it too and he may not have liked hurting him, but he was still working on his temper and if he didn't try to smother it, he might just end up attacking him. He was too proud for his own good and Yugi had overstepped—and multiple times considering how quickly Yami had begun to lose it—too far for him to handle.
Mana shuddered slightly at the thought and gained herself a sharp look from her brother that warned her not to do anything stupid. Telling would be the stupidest thing she could do…
She just hoped he didn't do it for too long. She remembered being shunned for two full months and she couldn't imagine how badly that would break Yugi. With the way they were together and how attached they seemed to each other, she felt like she might vomit even thinking about it. "Someone is a little hopeful, don't you think?"
"I'm more…knowledge…full…?" Yami tried, blinking stupidly at his own statement and blushing faintly as they looked at each other and snorted loudly.
"Idiot," Bakura laughed, smirking widely. "At this rate, he's going to be too brain dead to know to flee when the time comes."
Yami smirked and poked his shoulder, leaning forward to purr, "Perfect. That's how I like them."
His cousin burst out laughing and Mana shook her head, giggling, while Malik rolled his eyes and smirked widely. Yugi frowned a little but didn't bother to speak, instead following Yami's example and putting his free hand in his pocket.
"Can you spell molester?" Mana snorted, smirking in amusement.
"M-O-L-E-S-T-E-R," Yugi sang, beaming when Yami glanced at him from the corner of his eye. Mana was slightly amazed when her brother's lips twitched in amusement, eyes still somewhat fond before he turned away again, ignoring him once more. "They're the ones with the lonely hands!"
Both of her cousins were reduced to laughter, tears in their eyes as they glanced at him and the genuinely serious expression on his face and Yami's slightly startled one. They doubled over, leaning against each other for support, and she smiled as Yugi gave Yami's hands a thoroughly suspicious glance.
"They wander too much," he reported with narrowed eyes. "Far too much."
"Wander too much, my ass," Yami grumbled, rolling his eyes and turning away.
"No! They're not meant for your ass, they're meant for mine!"
Both Bakura and Malik stopped short, eyes wide as they glanced between them. Yami furrowed his brows slightly in surprise and Yugi nodded in approval at his own statement before turning to Mana.
"Right? Because they would get lonely touching his ass. Mine is better…and friendlier. He has a stick up his."
Yami's mouth fell open in surprise at the jab, cheeks heating when he noticed the little glare Yugi shot him from the corner of his eye. Oh, so that was how they were going to play.
"At least I can get something up mine! Yours is so fucking tight you could be one of those Christmas parents!" he spat, bristling as Yugi narrowed his eyes further and glared furiously.
"Except, if that was true, I wouldn't be dating you."
"What the fuck does that mean?"
"That you're a joke and I have a sense of humor!"
Bakura and Malik both stopped short, eyes widening in shock at the statement. Yugi was poking his tongue out at the other boy, Yami stunned into silence by his response. Both of them stared at each other for a moment and then the red-eyed teen curled his lip back.
"That's funny because I never thought I would become a nanny but here I am babysitting you!"
"Oh my god…this is going to be the breakup of breakups," Bakura whispered to Mana so quietly that she barely caught it. Her cheeks grew pale at the statement, eyes widening drastically, and she expected it to be Yami to snap at him but jumped a mile when Yugi spun on him violently.
"Stay out of this!" he snarled angrily. "My boyfriend and I are having our first real fight! Now fuck off!"
Yami blinked stupidly, glancing at them and then Yugi again. An angry Yugi was kind of cute—because he looked like a fluffed up kitten and he could easily picture the lashing tail and small claws bared—but the words coming out of his mouth were a different story. He had always thought that fighting in a couple was supposed to be hot but this was insane. He felt more like he was battling for his life than he was taking pleasure in Yugi becoming riled up and wanting to tear him to pieces.
"No one is breaking up over anything—right Yami?"
He blinked again and shook his head. "No one is breaking up," he agreed, tilting his head in puzzlement when Yugi beamed happily and then came over to his side to loop their arms tightly. He was tugged several steps along, barely giving him a chance to glance at the others over his shoulder and see their shocked and mystified expressions, and then found that his boyfriend was happily humming as they continued.
He had heard of coffee making someone flip out and lash out or have strange mood swings but this was insane. Yugi wasn't even mad anymore! He was humming and kept trying to reach for his hand to twine their fingers together. And he was giving him those little hurt looks when he didn't go with his plan.
What the hell was…?
Then again, the bastard had licked his hand like an animal. He should not have been surprised by this in the least.
Yami ignored his questioning look the entire time they continued walking, instead leading the way inside when they got to his house. Mana and their cousins stayed a few feet behind, but got inside the house in just enough time to see Yami snatching his hand away from the other boy and huffing as he wandered for the couch.
Yugi glanced at them sideways, curious as he mumbled, "He's being pissy today."
"Uh…yeah…"
"Must be on his period."
Yami spun around in his seat, gawking at him as the older teen blinked at him curiously again.
"Uh…wrong gender there…shrimp," Bakura muttered awkwardly, clearing his throat uncomfortably and looking at Yami in confusion.
"No, it's not!" Yugi argued, turning to him with an extremely confident expression. "I'm not wrong at all. See, I dreamed that he was—"
"Oh my Ra, Yugi no!" Yami snarled angrily, throwing himself over the back of the couch with wide eyes. "Don't you dare!"
"—pregnant and—"
He fell over the backrest, crying out in pain when he landed, and sniffled as he curled up on his side, pulling his limbs together and whimpering. He was so never going to live this down now…
"Wait…you dreamed…that Yami…was pregnant?" Bakura repeated slowly.
"Yep! And with the way he's been acting lately—including with Excalibur"—Yami groaned pathetically at the reminder—"I think that maybe he's turning into a girl now and going through his days with Aunt Flow."
Bakura reached up to cover his mouth, choking on laughter, and then breathed in roughly. Malik sank his teeth into his hand, tears appearing in his eyes. Mana opened and closed her mouth, gawking at her brother. And then all three of them turned and fled upstairs, howling with laughter while Yugi watched with wide eyes.
What was so funny?
He wanted to laugh too…
Oh well…
"Hey Yami? Can I have some cake now?"
He let out a broken sobbing noise that Yugi took as an okay, wandering off to retrieve his first cake slice of the day.
It took him thirty minutes to clean the plate completely with his tongue, listening to the other three still laughing about whatever it was that was so funny. And he spied Yami uncurling from his ball ten minutes into his slice. The red-eyed teen shot him a glare and then limped around to the other side of the couch to fall into the cushions. He ignored him when he asked if he was okay so Yugi took that as a confirmation that he was fine but his period was just giving him cramps.
He would limp too if he had bad cramps.
He joined him on the couch a few minutes after he was satisfied that he gotten every little bit of icing there was to be had. He had gotten every crumb that hadn't fallen to the floor—there were three of them; he had counted—and there was nothing else to do but put the plate away.
So he got up and wandered over to his side. Yami was in the corner of the couch, sulking and glaring at the TV screen as if it had been mocking him. Yugi plopped down on the other side when the younger teen held up a hand when he started to get closer. His finger pointed at the other corner and so the older boy frowned but sat down anyways.
There was no use in fighting with him. Or…her. He supposed he should be calling Yami a "her" now…right?
Or no, he guessed not. That would be rude and premature. He hadn't…gone through the final phases of changing into a girl. Otherwise he would have breasts. Yugi would wait to call him a girl until he had breasts.
He nodded to himself and smiled happily as he grabbed the remote to turn the TV on. A hand swatted it out of his grasp a second later, however. His head snapped around, startled by the action, and his eyes widened. Yami was scowling at him angrily. He had his eyes narrowed into slits, glittering with annoyance.
"What?"
A brief tremor ran through the other boy and Yugi went wide-eyed as his right eye twitched visibly. He almost thought that his veins would pop in his eyes and blood would spill out. It seemed like he had enough rage in that moment to make it happen. It would not have surprised the older boy at all…
"What?"
Yami shook his head, jaw ticking, and then snatched the remote from where it had landed, taking it and putting it in his lap.
Yugi blinked and then reached for it. A hand came up, a brief inch from his face, telling him not to try it. And yet…oh yes, Yugi was about to try it.
"I want cartoons!" he griped, reaching out again.
That hand came closer as he leaned forward and he pursed his lips momentarily before running his tongue along its palm. Yami startled, spinning on him with a shocked yet furious look, and both of them listened as his little sister came down into the kitchen once more.
Yami turned away again, wiping his hand on his pants before looking the remote over and then pulling his waistband enough to slip it in. Yugi blinked, not even fazed by the sight, and the other boy paled slightly as he took in his expression. Oh gods…
"You know…I've reached into your pants before. Mind you, it was an accident, but I can do it with a purpose now!" Yugi announced, glaring at him and making Yami's eyes flicker towards him momentarily in shock. "I know it's going to be different this time around but I will do it!"
"Mom! Yugi is threatening to jerk Yami off on the couch!" Mana screamed loudly from the kitchen. Yami glanced at her irritably and Yugi blinked before pouncing, shoving the other teen further into the armrest and slipping his hand down his pants. Yami froze, stiffening in shock, and Yugi ignored his surprise in order to grab the remote…
"Got it!"
"Uh…no, that's not—Fuck me!" Yami yowled, reaching out to push him away. "Get off of me, damn it!"
"But I—give me the remote!"
"Fine! Just get off of me!"
"Stop holding it! Just give it to me!"
"Yugi, look at where my hands are right now!"
He pulled back just enough to consider his words, glancing between his arms for a moment before realization blindsided him. He released him immediately, gawking in horror, and impulsively brought his hands to his face.
"Oh my god…did I really just witness that?" Yami heard his mother whispering in shock, making him grow pale as his head snapped around. Yugi was mumbling under his breath, hands still against his cheeks which were reddening rapidly. "…Oh my gods…"
"…Mommy, I'm going to need therapy…" Mana whispered in horror.
"Did he just…? And Yami isn't…?" Bakura muttered, glancing at Malik in shock.
"Dude…Yugi has piss hands…and he's rubbing his face with them…"
"Piss hands?" Yugi screeched, looking at his palms for a moment and then turning to Yami again. Both of them swapped looks for a split second and then the younger boy reached into his pants and pulled the remote out, placing it into one of his palms.
Neither of them spoke for a long minute, Yami pulling his hands away and putting them in his lap. He blinked stupidly several times, staring blankly at the TV, and Yugi looked at the remote for a long moment.
"Piss remote," he announced in an awed voice.
"Fuck me," Yami snapped in annoyance, blinking again and shaking his head sharply.
"I can't! Or…actually, if you're on your—"
"I will cut your throat if you keep talking!"
Yugi fell silent immediately, blinking, and then glanced over his shoulder at the others awkwardly. "I got the remote. I don't need any reinforcements anymore."
"This is…"
"We never mention this again," Yami snarled, spinning on them furiously. "No one ever brings this up! You can't even tell Dad, Mom, because if you do, I'm going to tell him about how you solicited yourself to me when you were high on your pain meds!"
"Oh my god, shut up!" his mom croaked, blushing furiously.
"Mommy!" Mana choked out, gawking.
"Incest!" Yugi contributed, blinking wide eyes and turning around before glancing between them curiously.
"I couldn't help it! I was high! Shut up." She paused and then gave Yugi an uncomfortable look. "Don't tell anyone about that. I don't…I don't go around soliciting myself to my children. It was just…I couldn't even see straight and I was super dizzy! And my son has my beauty!"
"Oh yes, he is very beautiful," Yugi stated, nodding in affirmation as he looked at the younger boy. "He's beautiful perverted jail bait. And I love him…even though he's turning into a girl."
"Dear Ra, fucking kill me."
I gave Yugi one of my awkward traits when I'm caffeinated. I either hear things that I really shouldn't—as in things are HARDLY anything like what someone is actually saying OR I'm hyperaware of everything around me and everything being said. That's the only reason that Yugi heard Malik talking about his "piss hands". Because Bakura barely heard him even being right next to him.