The first thing I feel when I open my eyes is relaxation. And Jeanine breathing on my collarbone.
She was calm, her cheek resting on my crows tattoo. Her eyes are open and she caresses my belly. I don't remember being asleep, but according sun's position, I must have only taken a nap of two-hour. I have Jeanine in my arms, our legs intertwined. The red sheet helps us to keep warm, because hugging isn't enough.
Her hair tickles my nose, so I tilt my head to kiss her forehead. When I want to touch her back, I find red, wide and deep marks. My confusion became greater when I noticed the Jeanine's body had many old scars, perfectly concealable with clothes on.
- What it was? - she asks.
I pull away a little to see her better, looking the bruise that was already beginning to darken in her left breast.
- Did I do this to you? - I ask in a whisper.
- I don't think that someone else has been here lately. - Jeanine replies, returning to my neck and kissing it slowly.
I circle her waist with my arm and pulls her closer to me. I would not trade this moment for anything. I feel a new wave of hope. Once I thought it would be difficult for me to have a path, because I admit that I can become very difficult when I'm pissed. But Jeanine brings out the best of me, happiness and tranquility. And with each passing second, my heart becomes bigger and bigger.
Evening light makes the room red, and my lover's hair acquires the color of molten gold. I kiss her head one last time.
- Jeanine...
- Yes?
- Who made you the other scars?
She immediately avoided my gaze.
- I fell on the stairs playing with my brother, when I was very little.
- You got all those scars from a single fell?
- I used to be quite awkward, and Jeared played very abrupt.
-J eared - I said savoring the name. -You have very strange names.
Jeanine shrugged.
- Where is he now?
- Jeared is dead. - She said quietly.
My smile faded.
- Oh, sorry - there was silence a little painful. - Were you close?
- No, Beatrice. - Jeanine starts making circles on my chest. - I was too small. I do not
even remember his face. I only remember that he used to call me by my middle name, to annoy me.
- And which one is it?
- Oh no. I will not tell you. ... It's too ugly.
- I will not laugh - I put my hand to my heart, near where was her head.
- Fine ... it's Kate.
I laughed a little and she made a face at me.
- Now yes, we must out of bed. We can't continue to ignore the dangers out there.
Jeanine sighs and pulls the sheet against her.
- We can't do anything.
- Don't start with this.
- I'm being true.
- No. You're being pessimistic.
Silence reigns again. Watching the beautiful woman in front of me, I feel a sharp pang of despair at the thought that half the city wants her dead.
I lean against her and kiss her again. She returns the kiss immediately.
- It will work, you know? I believe it. We will find a solution. Whatever it is.
Her silence implied that she didn't believe it, and I realized that one of the cons of being a Erudite was that you couldn't have faith.
- If they are going to invade this place, then the destruction will be immense. They'll do anything to get to me.
- I will not allow.
- I don't think you can do anything, and I don't want you do anything. Listen, Beatrice. You will not do anything stupid, you understand? You will not lash out in the fire for me. If you do ... I swear, I'll never forgive you.
- I will take the risk of you not forgive me. I'm sorry, Jeanine, but this is something I can't promise.
Her eyes take on a dangerous and deadly brightness. That wasn't the Jeanine that I loved and who had made love to me just now.
That was the Jeanine from whom I was afraid.
Slowly, while I watch, her face softens, and her mask breaks down. Her eyes suddenly are sad.
- Everything that is happening is my fault. I can't bear to see you run any danger.
I had no answer to that, because she was right. It was all her fault.
This reflection brings up something that troubled me for a long time. Something that was ridiculously crucial in all this, but I had left in the back of my mind.
The question out of my mouth in a second.
- Why are you doing all this? What exists outside the fence?
Jeanine's eyes darken. Her jaw tightens in a rigid line. Again, I see the pain in her eyes. The tiredness, the hopelessness.
- This is a very difficult thing to explain. I don't know if you would understand.
- Then explain it. I don't want you to hide secrets. Any secret.
- Beatrice, it's very complicated. - Jeanine turns away a little reflexively - You would not understand. Nobody ever understood. It is ...
- Listen to me. - I take her shoulders gently but firmly - I'm here, and I love you. But I need to know. I need to understand why you did what you did. I need it. That's all that interposes between us. And if you don't tell me, we can not to go ahead.
I know by her eyes that she know I'm right. Suddenly, she looks so sad that I need a lot of effort to not hug her and comfort her, but I can't let my guard down now.
- Jeanine. - I ask again - What's beyond the fence?
She takes a deep breath, with her mouth, as if gasping for oxygen.
- Chaos. - the word echoes through the bedroom like a shot - Chaos. In the whole world. The divergents control everything. And who isn't divergent practically isn't a person. Because of this, it was always very important be none divergent in this city. If they find a lot of divergents here, they invade us, with their lies and false promises of freedom. And it will be our end.
She bites her lip and looks away, suddenly very interested in the red sheet.
I can't take my eyes from her. Her words sound and resonate in my mind as a lot of jumbled pieces of a complicated jigsaw.
- What do you mean by all this?
- I said you wouldn't understand.
- Technically, you have not told me anything. Empty and mysterious words don't count as an explanation.
She is silent for a long time, and then she turns to look at me.
- We can say that non-divergents are the result of a failed experiment. An experiment that was done long ago.
She stops talking, as if to not proceed.
- I'm still waiting.
She runs her hands through her hair and presses her lips.
- This experience modified the human gene, with the intent to improve people. With the intention of giving them gifts. But it had the opposite effect. Mankind became a chaos. And they blame the genetically modified. They call us genetically "damaged", and they consider us nothing more than faulty parts.
I stay paralyzed for a moment. The facts she recounts are too so I can process.
- Our city, the factions, all ... It's no more than a experiment. An attempt to fix the error ... - her voice expresses anger and disgust - See, the persons like you, the divergents, are persons genetically pure, persons who haven't inherited the genetic damage. That's what they want to do. Getting the humanity back to genetically pure state. At any cost. The factions are only one method they used to keep us under control until we're ready to leave.
- You say "they". Who are they?
- They are called "The Bureau". - she look me in the eyes. - They control the cities under this experiment. When a city has a large number of divergents, they open it.
- And you don't want that to happen here.
- I will not allow anyone tell me I'm a genetic defect.
- And you aren't.
- I tried to do whatever it took. I sought the purer divergent, with intentions to study and create a serum that affects them. No failed simulations, no divergents, no Bureau. But I couldn't. Because this hard headed divergent irritating got under my skin like no one ever did. Guess who I'm talking about? I'll give you a hint: she is in this bed, and it's not me.
- No. It's not you. - I say sorrowfully - It's me. Jeanine ... I'm sorry. I don't know what to say.
At this moment, the pieces fit together - all of them - and I can see everything very clearly.
That was why Jeanine was willing to enslave minds and kill people. That's what she wanted to prevent us to know. To keep us all ignorant and safe and inside the fence.
There is a part of me that understands.
are many parts of me that understands. Every part of me. Because it makes sense - much sense - and although Jeanine's actions were bad, the things what she had told me were as awful as.
- You don't have to say anything. - she answers in a hurt voice - It's not your fault. The fault is of all those damned ... and mine.
- You are the one who knows the truth? I mean ... inside this city?
She nods her head.
- And frankly, I don't know how long it will remain so.
In the moment I'll answer, her phone rings. Hurriedly, she turns and grabs it of her nightstand. The sheet is removed, quite revealing the upper part of her body.
- It's a message. It's from your brother.
- What does he say? - I say getting up too.
- They are already here. - Jeanine looks at me, pale, and a chill runs through my body - The attack began.