Chapter 11 - So Beautiful
"Dude! What the fuck were you thinking?" Dean's gravelly voice broke through the silence in the Tahoe as Roman was driving.
Roman growled as he pointed at Dean. "Stop." He pinched the bridge of his nose as he stopped at a red light. "I did not invite Sasha to the hospital I was just as surprised to see her sauntering down the hallway as you were."
"No dude - No one was surprised as I was. I thought you two had your thing while on the road; why on God's green Earth would she show up the day your son has open heart surgery?" Dean asked.
Roman growled again. "I mentioned that I might not be back on Friday because of Odyn's surgery and apparently she brought it upon herself to just fuckin show up." He sighed heavily. "Then I was stupid enough to play the game with her. I should've kept my hands to myself and told her to get the hell out of there."
Dean nodded. "Yes that would've been the smart thing, but no one ever said you were smart bro." Dean chuckled as the big Samoan growled again. "Hey not to mention you did all of that in front of your SON'S hospital room and your wife who was just down the hall. Did you see Ayana's face?"
Roman scrubbed a hand down his face as he pulled up in front of Dean's house and threw the Tahoe into park. "I looked and Odyn was sleeping and as soon as the magenta haired minx walked up to me; my eyes were peeled for Ayana. I didn't see her ANYWHERE! Suddenly I play the grope game with Sasha and Ayana pops up like a daisy through the fuckin snow."
Dean shook his head. "Maybe this is a good thing."
"How on earth is this a good thing Ambrose?" Roman asked incredulously.
"Because Roman, you guys have been pussy footing around the issue of you both sleeping with other people but not each other. There is something seriously broken in the marriage but neither one of you are willing to address the other about it. Everything on the outside looks perfect and porcelain and yet you both know the other one is screwing someone else." Dean clamped his hand on his best friends shoulder. "Bro it's time to fix things with your wife; otherwise what's the fuckin point of being married with 4 of the greatest kids that were ever born - who haven't seemed to catch on that mommy and daddy are lunatics. I pray every day that your kids don't catch on."
"You and me both bro; you and me both." Roman mumbled.
"If you survive whatever Ayana has to say and the monumental fight you guys are about to have; lemme know if you need anything bro." Dean offered. "We do have a spare room if she breaks her foot off in your ass and you need a place to recuperate."
Roman nodded. "Thanks man."
Dean got out of the Tahoe and watched as Roman pulled away; he knew the next couple of hours for his Samoan best friend were going to be damned interesting.
Roman had no clue how to even approach his wife. This was the first time he could ever remember being afraid to go home. He pulled into the drive way and shut the Tahoe off and stared up at the house he and Ayana had made into a beautiful home for their children.
He exited the vehicle and walked into the house. The silence was not only deafening but frightening as well. The fact the kids were still not home from his folks house was probably not a good sign either. He walked through the house looking for Ayana. He looked at the ceiling towards the second floor of the house and started up the stairs.
Roman pushed the bedroom door open and saw Ayana staring out the window of their bedroom. "Babe, if the kids are still at mom and dad's I can go get them."
"Can we not pretend I didn't just watch you grope your little girlfriend in the hospital?" Ayana asked softly before she turned to face her husband.
"As long as we cannot pretend you haven't been screwing someone else either." Roman snapped back.
"Yea but you didn't see me parading him around outside of my sons hospital room after he just had open heart surgery either." Ayana snapped back.
Roman shook his head. "I didn't ask her to show up; she just showed up on her own."
"That still didn't stop you from grabbing her ass. What if Odyn woke up and saw you? How the hell would you have explained that one?" Ayana asked.
"I don't know." Roman mumbled.
"And if your parents came by and saw you groping her?" Ayana asked again.
"I don't know." He mumbled once more.
"And if your parents brought the other kids? How exactly do you tell them what you did to your girlfriend with mommy just down the hall?" Ayana pushed.
"I DON'T KNOW!" Roman yelled; before taking his tone down. "What do you want me to tell you? How do you want me to explain it to you?" Roman asked.
"You want to know what I want you to explain to me?" Ayana snapped.
"Yes why don't you please enlighten me." Roman growled back.
"I want to know why it is you do whatever it is you are doing happily with Sasha; why you can't do it with me. I mean I am your wife. At least the last time I check my left hand and the marriage certificate hanging on the wall under our wedding photo. Why is it you can't be with me?" Ayana asked straight out.
Roman had begun pacing the bedroom floor; just trying to figure out what his excuse was. He knew the real reason but he couldn't explain it to her for the life of him and he didn't know why. Hell he hadn't even told Dean why and he was practically Roman's brother.
Ayana shook her head as she sat on the foot of the bed, "What happened to us Roman?" Her voice cracked as tears filled her eyes. "We...We used to stay up making love all night and battle through the next day with large copious amounts of coffee. We used to go skinny dipping after the kids went to bed. W-We used to have days when we couldn't keep our hands off each other. Now I'm lucky if you touch me at all because you're scared the incurable disease I have is going to rub off on you."
She could feel the tears as they slowly slipped over the brim of her eyes and down her cheeks. "The only incurable disease I have is being in love with you since I was 15. We've been through some of the roughest shit any couple can go through over the last 15 years and survived." Ayana looked at the floor before her eyes went to Roman. "You are the love of my life. I will love you until the day I die. You gave me four of the most beautiful children I could've ever asked for. And I know we started too young; hell God knows we started too young, but even now when I look back, I wouldn't change a second of it."
Roman could hear the words coming out of his wife's mouth and couldn't even say anything.
Ayana swallowed hard before she finished her thought. "Until now...if we can't fix whatever is broken between us, then what is the use of being married? Because sometimes love is not enough. Somewhere in the last two years I lost you. I don't know where you went or how I lost you, but I did. You haven't physically touched me in almost two years. You holding my hand at the hospital when we found out about Odyn's diagnosis was the first time in TWO YEARS. We don't make love...well at least with each other. You don't kiss me anymore. I don't know when I became so grotesque to you that you had to stop...everything. You don't even tell me you miss me or love me. You call and all I hear is loving words to your kids but nothing to me. Don't get me wrong I love that you love our babies so much. I just wish you still loved me that much."
Ayana stood and walked around the room. "Do you want a divorce?" She finally asked.
She watched as Roman's eyebrows went to the bridge of his nose which meant she struck a nerve with that question. She was really hoping it warranted some kind of answer or verbal response she could work with. She watched as he shook his head.
"Do you?" Roman countered.
"I told you Roman. You are the love of my life. I'd rather spend the rest of my life in your arms in this house with our kids than anywhere else in the world. But clearly you don't know what you want. And you will never be able to make a decision if you don't start telling me what the hell is wrong. But you can't even do that. I know something is wrong; don't you think I can feel it? We've been together for 15 years Roman. I know when your pissed off and annoyed. I know when your sad. I know when you are around the kids that no matter what mood you are in your all smiles because you want them to believe there are no bad days in life."
Ayana walked over and cupped his cheek as their eyes locked. "You are the most amazing dad any four kids could ask for, but I miss you; we're standing in the same room and we are still 3,000 Miles apart. I miss us and I can't fix us without you. When you're ready to fix us let me know. I need to go get the kids."
"I think I should...stay with my parents for a while. At least until I get my head on straight." Roman stated in a quiet voice.
"You do whatever you have to do Roman. I'm not forcing you to leave our home. I love you and the kids love you, but you have to expect that they are going to miss you; if you're not sleeping and staying in the same home with them it will be hard for them. Just please make sure you keep in contact with them like always." Ayana requested. She really wanted to demand Roman spit out whatever was stuck in his brain and keeping them an arm's length apart, but Roman's stubborn Samoan side was overpowering him.
Ayana watched from the entrance of the Reign's Family home her husband grew up in; Roman sat Braden, Max and Samaria down and tried to explain to them why he was leaving the house.
Roman's mother Lisa was standing next to her daughter-in-law with her arm around her waist. She knew for a long time something wasn't right. And now here it was all coming out and Roman would be staying with them for a while, but what was awhile?
Days?
Weeks?
Months?
Lisa would be smart enough to give her son the space he needed and she would bide her time. But she knew Roman would only be able to handle so much silence before he either broke or exploded. She knew her youngest son better than anyone else; with the exception of his wife. Ayana had his number from day one. She knew everything about him with one look. So it came to no surprise why Ayana was standing in the entrance of the den and not down in the room. She knew Roman wanted to speak privately with the kids and she respected him for it.
"You know if you need to talk my love, I've always got two healthy open ears." Lisa offered towards her daughter-in-law who nodded at her offer; not realizing how fatigued Ayana looked until just a few moments ago, when she had a real chance to look at the mother of her four grand babies. "When's the last time you got some actual rest?"
"What century is it again?" Ayana joked.
Lisa stifled a laugh as she hugged her closer. "How's my baby boy Odyn holding up?" She asked.
Ayana nodded slowly. "He's - He's actually doing really good. He was sleeping when the doctor requested us to leave so he could rest through the night. The doctor who did the surgery said he's is doing better than anyone else who has had that type of surgery at his age. In six weeks they will schedule him for the next one to do the other valve and hopefully that will be the end of it. They are not going to release him until he's had his second surgery for fear of infection or catching a cold. They want to keep him in a sterilized environment until he's healed from both surgeries. He's going to hate it and be stir crazy but I'm going to see if we can set up his x-box so he can have something to do. He's got nothing but time on his hands right now so gaming won't hurt, but I'll make him read a couple of books too. "
"Good momma." Lisa praised. She knew Ayana wouldn't allow her kids to become gaming junkies like their father, but Lisa also knew Roman gamed a lot to get his frustrations out with whatever was bothering him at the time and it was always better to take it out on the characters on TV than on his family.
Ayana could tell the boys weren't quite sure what to do or say, but Samaria. She was going to be the death of Roman as the big tears started to slide down her cheeks. He watched as she turned and went to her mother, who picked her up. The five year old wrapped herself around her mother as she buried her face in her mother's shoulder and cried. She was too young to understand but Ayana knew Roman had to explain it. She had been listening and he had actually done a wonderful job of tip toeing as much as he could.
Lisa frowned at the sounds of Samaria's soft sobs. "You know if the kids want they can always stay here with Roman for his two days off. We have plenty of room for all of them." Lisa offered. She watched as Roman palmed his t-shirt covered chest and mouthed a thank you toward his mother who nodded back.
Ayana rubbed her daughters back. "Babygirl you want to stay with Mema, Papa and daddy?" She tried asking her extremely upset five year old.
Samaria leaned back while pushing her hair out of her face with her wet cheeks and frown. "Okay."
Ayana's heart broke; she figured out of everyone Samaria would take it the hardest. "Alright babygirl. You know daddy made a hard decision today. I think he could use some love and definitely a lot of hugs from you." She watched as her youngest nodded as she gently set her back down on her feet.
Roman just about died on his parents den floor as his daughter ran over to him and threw her arms around him. He watched as Ayana winked.
This was definitely going to be harder than he initially thought.
Ayana laid in bed alone in the house for the first time in the 12 years she and Roman had been married.
She felt so lost without Roman. She didn't even know how to find her way back to where they were when they first fell in love 15 years ago.
She remembered how beautiful his love was.
So Beautiful.