When the alarm goes off, I hear Tobias mutter a curse and turn the incessant buzzing off. I feel his strong arms tighten around me the same moment I feel his lips lightly touch my neck. I smile at the sensation of his mouth on my skin. I turn in his arms and find his mouth. After we're breathless, he pulls back and stares down into my eyes. There's a happiness shining in his eyes that tugs at my heart.
"Are we going for a run or do you just want to stay in bed?" I ask, playfully running a hand up his bare chest. He grabs my hand and brings it to his mouth. He kisses the palm.
"We better go for a run," he says. "I can't be held responsible for my actions if we stay in bed much longer." There's pure lust in his eyes now. He aggressively kisses me again then slides out of bed. I flop back on the bed to catch my breath and watch him walk to his closet. I will never get used to the sight of his near-perfect form. He takes his clothes and heads to the bathroom. I roll over onto his side of the bed and put my head on his pillow. I inhale his scent, letting it calm my racing heart. I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I know Tobias is sitting down on the edge of the bed lightly shaking me awake. I turn my head toward him and notice his freshly washed hair.
"You better get up and get ready for work." He leans down and places a kiss to my shoulder blade.
"You went running without me?" I say with a yawn.
"You fell back to sleep, and I didn't want to wake you." He rubs his hand across my back, sparking the familiar flames that consume me whenever he touches me. We may need birth control sooner than I think if things keep going this way. I roll over and hungrily look up at him. He recognizes the expression on my face and guesses what I'm thinking. "Tris," he groans, shaking his head. I know he's right but my body is disagreeing with him. I moan and move to get out of bed. He stands up and takes a step back to let me pass. I trail my hand down his arm as I head toward the closet. I pick out another new outfit Christina helped me assemble then go to the bathroom to take a shower. After I get ready, I head downstairs to meet Tobias.
We walk to the cafeteria talking about our schedule. Thursday we have to meet with Uriah, Peter, and the other Faction Ambassadors. Friday I have to go to the monthly leaders meeting. Since it's in Amity, I have to spend the night, so I'm going to miss the Candor or Dauntless party Uriah is throwing. Tobias said he wouldn't go without me but I told him I wanted him to go and have fun with our friends.
After breakfast, which consisted of fried eggs, thick cut bacon, wheat toast with fresh strawberry jam, freshly squeezed orange juice, and hot coffee, Tobias and I head to his office. I call the clinic to make the appointment to get the birth control shot. They confidently have an open appointment this afternoon at 2:00 p.m., and after conferring with Tobias, I take it.
Tobias and I spend the morning making ourselves available to Dauntless members. I tour places in the compound I didn't even know existed like the ice cream parlor, pizza place, swimming pool, rec room, arcade, night club, and theater. We also visit the commissary, weapons store, home store, furniture store, department store, electronics store, clothing store, boutique, salon, and tattoo parlor. Tori was training Christina in original tattoo design, and they tried to talk us into matching tattoos but we politely declined. We tell Tori we have an appointment outside the compound this afternoon and will be leaving at 1:30 p.m.
We aren't asked many questions but we are complemented several times on the noticeable change in the atmosphere already. People are starting to relax into the new teamwork-based Dauntless. They no longer feel like they have to watch every step. It's a gratifying feeling knowing we helped create that.
We go to our apartment for lunch. He warms up the rest of last night's spaghetti and garlic bread as I prepare another salad from our remaining ingredients. I pour the last two glasses of sparkling cider and recycle the bottle. We decide to eat lunch on the couch today. Before he sits down beside me, he turns the stereo on and turns the volume down so it's just background noise. We eat in comfortable silence enjoying the food. When we finish our plates, he lets me go brush my teeth while he cleans up the kitchen. I thoroughly wash my mouth erasing any trace of lunch. I return to my seat on the couch and Tobias comes out of the powder room with the smell of mint on his breath. We spend the rest of the lunch hour on the couch in each other's arms.
"I can't believe there's a swimming pool and movie theater here. Why didn't I know this?" I ask him.
"Some of these places are specifically for members. We don't tell initiates about them. Then after all the distraction of the past few weeks, I forgot to show you."
"I can't wait to tell Christina and Will about these places. We can have date nights!" I say, excitement evident in my voice.
"Yes we can. Double dates, group dates, just the two of us. It will be different taking in these places with you," he says. "I've only been in groups before and the guys were always trying to set me up with some girl who I wasn't into. It was maddening. I stopped going after a while." Jealousy rushes through me but subsides quickly.
"I'm glad you never liked any of those girls. I would have been heartbroken if you had been dating someone," I softly say.
"I never liked anyone until I looked into your eyes, your beautiful eyes," he amends.
"I'm not even pretty, Tobias," I say sternly, "so don't call me beautiful."
"You look at me, Beatrice Prior," he commands. I turn wide eyed and look into his stern face. "You are not only pretty you are more than pretty, you are beautiful. I wish you could see yourself through my eyes." I'm skeptical but what does he gain by lying? He already has me. I frown at him. "You don't believe me do you?"
"I've been looking in the mirror for 16 years Tobias, albeit most of those years it was only every three months through Abnegation eyes, but I know what I look like. I'm the definition of plain."
"You listen to me," he says, firmly grasping my shoulders. "You have gorgeous, wide, blue-gray eyes that remind me of storm clouds forming, and when you have eyeliner on like you do right now, they are a blue that pierces straight to my heart. You have shiny blond hair that reminds me of the Amity fields in fall. You have a trim, compact body that fits with mine perfectly. Everything about you is beautiful – your looks, your spirit, your determination, your drive. I never want to hear you speak negatively about yourself again. You hear me?"
"Yes, Tobias," I say. He really does think I'm beautiful. I lunge at him and wrap my arms around his neck. I place my lips to his. He wasn't ready for my assault, and it takes him a moment to catch up to my mood. He opens my lips with his and boldly shoves his tongue in my mouth. I meet his tongue with mine and let them dance. He retreats his tongue back into his mouth and pulls back. He looks into my eyes as we catch our breath but instead of my heart slowing it hammers louder in my chest.
I get up off the couch, excuse myself, and go into the powder room. I close the door and lean against it. I take several deep, calming breathes waiting for my heart rate to drop to normal. I look in the mirror and see a hectic look in my eyes. I turn the faucet on and splash some cold water on my face and neck. I retrieve a towel from the small linen closet and pat myself dry. I hang up the damp towel and head into the living room.
"I think we need to get back to work," I say looking at the clock. In truth it's a few minutes early but I can't tempt myself anymore right now. We leave and go to our individual offices until we have to leave for my doctor's appointment. I text Tori and remind her we're leaving then we run to catch the train. Once we're on the train we sit on the bench opposite the open door side by side not saying anything. I'm sure he's just as nervous about this as I am. I glance up at him out of the corner of my eye, and he is looking down at me the exact same way. He holds out his hand, and I firmly grasp it in mine. I need his strength to flow into me right now. I practice deep breathing until it's time to jump.
After jumping from the train, we walk hand-in-hand to the clinic. It's located across the street from the massive hospital that's mainly used by the other four factions and the factionless. It isn't very often Dauntless need to go to the hospital unless something is seriously wrong that cannot be treated in the infirmary. I learned that recently. We have our own nurses and doctors but they're basically general practitioners who treat injuries and acute illnesses. If any chronic illnesses arise, the person is sent to the hospital.
Tobias drops my hand and holds the door to the clinic open for me. In front of me is a large bright white waiting area with light brown leather 2- and 3-seater couches and individual dark brown leather club chairs. A lot of the chairs are occupied with various faction members and even some factionless. Tobias puts his hand lightly on my back and steers me to the reception desk. He slides his hand up to my Dauntless tattoo and holds it there telling me to be brave. I tell the nurse behind the desk my name and that I have a 2 o'clock appointment. She gives me a form to fill out. I fill it out and give it back to her then sit next to Tobias on one of the 2-seater couches. I'm so nervous my legs are shaking, and he puts his hand on my knee to calm me.
Soon the double doors opens and a pretty, short, red haired woman with bright green eyes wearing green surgical scrubs walks into the waiting area. She is juggling some paperwork and calls my name. Tobias and I get up from our chairs and follow her into a small examination room. Tobias sits in a chair by the wall, and the nurse tells me to sit on the examination table.
"Hello, Tris," she says referring to my chart. "My name is Isobel. I am going to be doing your examination and administering your birth control shot today. Who is this with you?" she says not looking up from her paperwork.
"This is my boyfriend, Four," I say.
She looks up from the paperwork with a smile and says, "Oh yes, Dauntless. Some unusual names there. So, Tris, you are wanting the birth control shot. We first will need to do an examination so Four, could you return to the waiting room. I will come and get you when we are done." He squeezes my hand before he gets up and walks out of the room. My anxiety level raises without him here to help calm me.
She hands me a disposable paper gown and tells me to get undressed then gives me some privacy. When she comes back into the room she has me lie down on the examination table. First she gives me a breast examination, which is weird. No one else has ever touched me there before. Then she proceeds with the pelvic examination, which isn't the most comfortable thing in the world. After she's done, she tells me I can get dressed and to sit in the chair closest to the computer. About five minutes later there's a knock on the door, and Tobias sticks his head into the room. I'm so thankful to see him. He comes across the tiny space and sits next to me. I reach out to him and hold his hands. We stay quiet. About 10 minutes later Isobel comes back into the room.
"I want to tell you all the tests look normal. Before I administer the shot, I need to explain some things to you. Once administered, the shot will last for one year. You will need yearly exams and shots to continue the birth control. We will set up your next visit when you leave and contact you shortly before the appointment as a reminder. Since this is your first shot, it will not protect you fully for approximately three months. Each shot after this will protect you immediately. This shot will protect you against pregnancy but not against sexually transmitted disease. You should use condoms for that," she says as she slides a small sack to me. I look inside and see a box of condoms. My face goes red and she smiles. "I'm going to administer the shot now." She pushes up my sleeve and wipes off a spot with an alcohol swab very similar to the one Christina used to wipe off my ears the day she pierced them for me. "There is going to be a pinch." I look toward Tobias and squeeze his hand tighter as she inserts the needle in my arm and administers the drug. "There is a possibility of an injection site reaction. It might swell a little and turn red. If it does just take some ibuprofen and put ice on it. If the redness or swelling persists for more than two to three days, we would like to see you back. Here is a pamphlet about the shot including side effects, possible reactions, and safe sex techniques. Do either of you have any questions?"
"Is there a way to tell when the shot becomes 100% effective?" I ask quietly.
"No. The best thing to do is use condoms for the next three months. Anything else?" We both shake our heads no, and she escorts us back to the waiting room. At the reception desk, the nurse automatically makes an appointment for one year from today. We thank her and leave the clinic.
We are both noticeably quiet on the walk back to the train. We start running when the train approaches. Tobias jumps on first then helps me in. I sit on the bench like on the earlier ride, and he stands leaning out the door. I'm hiding the sack Isobel gave me because it feels like a spotlight saying look at me, look at me, I'm going to have sex. I move it from one hand to the other, sit it down beside me, and then pick it up again. I hear something and notice Tobias is in front of me looking at me.
"Did you say something?" I ask him. He smiles and sits down beside me.
"It makes it real now, doesn't it?" he says. "Too real maybe." I don't know what to say so I just stare at him. He takes my empty hand in his. "Maybe we got caught up in a romantic weekend, and we really aren't ready for this." He gestures to the sack in my other hand.
"Tobias, I'm not sure I'm ready," I finally say. "I'm not scared but I'm not ready either. I think it's a good thing we didn't have these on Saturday night." I pick up my other hand. He lets my hand go and wraps his arm around my shoulders and pulls me closer to him. A couple hours ago this simple gesture would have set my blood boiling but now it's just comforting.
"We aren't in any hurry. Just remember, when we're ready, we're protected," he says, "one way or another."