Jeanine
I know this is a dream.
I know because I feel light, without any stress. I am not worried about the future, the city, the divergents, nothing. I am just walking down the street with my best friend, enjoying the sunshine. It's a beautiful day. He and I entered the park, being refugees by the shadows of the trees.
-Have you done the math work? - ask my best friend to me, worried.
-Yes, it was easy - I replied without slowing.
-Easy? You can't be talking seriously...
-You just need to study harder, Andrew. Also, you will not learn math if you read fiction books all day -I chided him softly.
-Don't say it out loud, please. You know they are frowned upon.
Andrew and I continued walking to school. Even now, I know it's a dream, because I'm happy to just be there. Therefore, I am not too surprised when it turns into a nightmare.
David appeared on our way. Just in front of us. It's just there, standing, staring us with his mocking smile and dark eyes. He is impeccably dressed, blue from head to toe. His grin turns his face a picture of nightmare. Andrew and I stopped.
-Hello, little damaged - said happy. -Feeling happy in this city? Of course. And don't ever leave. You and I know what happens to the damaged outside, in the real world. Much more if they are pretty girls like you. You know it, right? Yes you know.
-Get out... - I can't control my voice. -Get out!
-You know it, so you have no choice but to make sure that this city is protected. Although you don't want. But it is not abnormal, people like you are not born with the freedom to choose their destiny. You're not a human being, Jeanine. But you're not a monster. You are a weapon, a little upset weapon, and when you no longer useful will be destroyed.
-Th-that's not true! -I tremble like a stupid child. -¡Yo I'm not alone in this! Angela protect me!
-She currently has her own problems. She can't live pending you - David smiles.
-Then Alma! Alma and I...
-Alma Coin? Your first love? You broke her heart, stupid. You chose your job over her.
-M-My-father ...
-He is already dead, remember?
-Mom...
-Don't count with me- my mother is beside me, her arms are crossed and looks at me with hatred. -I never wanted to be part of this. I wanted a daughter, not a monster. Do not count with me -shakes her head. -Get out of me.
-THEN ANDREW! - I shouted desperately.
I turned to see him. His clothes were gray and refused to look at me.
-Why do I always have to be the one to support you? I'm tired, forget it.
-No! - I cried. -That is not true! You're my best friend! You would never leave me!
-I already did it -he responded with resentment. -That's exactly what I did. And it was the right decision. I'm sick of you! Of your selfishness! Your wickedness! ... In addition, Natalie is much more fun.
I did not move. I breathed. I looked away.
-... Beatrice?
And as if I had called her, she was in front of me. She was so achingly beautiful that hurt my chest. I heard background music, loud, like rays.
-You've got to be kidding. God, you tortured me and experienced with me!
-I...
-You killed my friend!
-...Did not want...
-I was going to have the perfect life, in Dauntless. I was going to be free, I was going to be happy. And you ruined everything! How can you even think that I want to be around you?
Andrew gently takes the elbow of Tris.
-Let's go from here, daughter.
Tris and Andrew walked away. David smiled mocking me, and goes with them.
I do not cry. I do nothing. I'm just there...
And then I wake up. My body is covered with sweat, and my sheets are a mess. I wake up with a gasp, a giant breath, as if I was drowning. A nightmare. That's all it was. A stupid nightmare.
-She loves me -I tell myself amid the suffocating lack of air. -She forgave me. And she loves me. A lot.
The words cause me immediate relief only by the fact that they were spoken aloud. They seemed better that way. Truer.
Gently, I put my head on the pillow. I looked at the ceiling, counting the beats of my heart until it reaches a normal pace. I was extremely frustrated and angry. It's not fair to have a nightmare after a perfect moment. Especially after a perfect moment with Beatrice.
-She loves me.
I close my eyes hoping to see her smile behind my eyelids, but what I see is the David's dark face. I open my eyes and give up. And it was not his face that most terrified me there. It was not his sneer, not his presence. I had had nightmares about him throughout my life, he had haunted my thoughts throughout my teenage, but now he was no longer the focus of my own nightmares.
It was not about me. It was her.
She was there, in his territory, within the walls of the place he commanded. I was surprised to realize that this was the worse that I can do to ward off thoughts, as I was doing too often lately. Let fear and despair consume me would not help at all.
The clock on my side brand 5:30 AM, and I have no longer sleep. I imagine Beatrice sleeping soundly, as she probably is. I wanted more than anything to have my arm around her, feel her warmth and her scent and make sure she was safe. But this was not possible.
I, Jeanine Matthews, who always had everything and everyone under my control, could not have control over what was most precious to me: Beatrice, that idiot divergent. And that was frustrating and painful. More painful than anything. But Beatrice was smart. Almost as smart as me, although she would never admit it. And there was Caleb. Her brother was undoubtedly one of the most promising initiates that Erudite has received in years. He would be the first place in the standings, without a doubt. His latest invention was the concrete proof.
Secretly, I will be eternally grateful to him for everything. For helping me to save Beatrice, for helping Beatrice to save me, and now, for create something that would allow me to be close to her even though she is so far away. He would protect her from David or anything that threatened her, just as he initially tried to protect her from me. She would be safe with him and it relieved me for a moment.
Then the door opens and Angela enters the room. She is barefoot and without makeup. Her hair is loose and messy. Her appearance reminds me of the girl who had taken care of me and protected me throughout my life. She used to be that way when I was sleeping in her house and woke up because I was having a nightmare.
Even with sleepy and bleary eyes, she was determined to hold me and talk to me until the fear passes.
- I did not know you had a habit of waking up so early.
She walks and sits next to me in bed and drives a small glance at the clock.
- Actually, I do not usually wake up so early. But it was simply impossible to sleep after ...
- A nightmare, right? You had a nightmare.
I gave her a sad smile, which had more irony that humor.
- I think you have grown accustomed to my nightmares.
She took my hand, pulling my head to her shoulder, just as she did when we were little. Those moments beside her were the only times I felt totally safe. We were a few seconds in silence, but that did not bother us. None of us was good with words or feelings. The fact that we were created to be machines had a lot of fault on that.
- What is this? - she points to the pair of dark glasses on the dresser next to me.
- Some glasses created by Caleb Prior. This allows me talk with his group while we are asleep.
Angela took them in her hands, and watched the glasses shaking her head.
- Is a good idea. Caleb Prior has imagination.
- It will make communication easier between us.
- I guess so - Angela left the glasses on the table. -I could not sleep.
- Nightmares?
- No. Long ago I do not have dreams or nightmares. Just eight hours sleep and I wake up. -Angela looked at her hands, moving her nails. -That means I am fine. Or rather that I can be.
I looked at her in silence. She was totally impenetrable, in a perfect way. She would never let her feelings to stand in her plans. Or in er duty. Suddenly she closed her eyes and stood up.
- Well, I go to practice fencing.
- Fencing? - I asked, incredulous.
- Yes. It's relaxing. Although the chances of fighting with the sword are 0.076% in a real fight.
Angela was leaving. I realized that if she left, I will must have to try to sleep a little more, and it was the last thing I wanted.
-I will go with you.
By 9:00 I left the shower.
Of course, Angela beat me in fencing all morning. It does not take a genius to realize that sports are not my thing. Anyway, it was a good exercise.
I covered my body with a towel while looking for clean clothes. I wore a blue skirt, comfortable, and a light blue shirt with open fists. The blue comforted me so far from my home. Then I went upstairs, where were the monitors.
Angela has observed 9km around, amid the room of scientific development. We are not on vacation while Beatrice risks her life. Angela has a team of people developing more elaborate versions of my serums, trying to create effective weapons that affect the pure, the divergents.
I waved politely to the scientific Ava Paige and Bellatrix Black. They are intelligent, we get along well.
-Is it a calming or a paralyzing serum? - I asked Bellatrix approaching, and trying not to sound like a machine.
-Paralyzing- she responded boring. -Why are even different? Both serve to immobilize!
-The purposes are different - Ava replied quietly, as talk to a little girl.
-Can not we create a serum that simply kills? - Bellatrix said, her abundant black curls moving whenever nodded.
-No - I said curtly. It was no secret that Bellatrix Black was a little crazy, but did not think she was too childish.
-No - Ava said too. -Human rights, Bella, human rights ... at least until we can afford it.
-What if we were to need them in a near future?
-A Unconscious person can not attack, I think - Avareplied coldly. -And if we have to kill someone, it must be in the old way. Death Serums are a waste of time.
I turned and walked away before Bellatrix could answer, to the monitors. Well, it will not be easy to leave behind my old habits. But I have to do it for Beatrice. Make a good decision for once. Not disappoint her. Furthermore, we are not in Chicago. Death Serums are totally useless now.
I turned and watched Bellatrix Black and Ava Paige. Ava was arguing and trying to be patient.
I like them.
I was making a cleaning of system when rang a small bell on the monitor. It was the intruder alarm. Twenty white soldiers came hurrying down the hatches up. The wall screen showed images of that happening outside.
No. Damn it.
Andrew Prior and Natalie Wright were right above us.
-Just when I thought you could not be more idiot. - I whispered into the air.
I got up from the chair as driven by a spring.
The worst part were the stairs. Not that I had not used to stairs (Erudite was filled with long spiral stairs), but the urgency of the moment made it worse. And good, I did not have the physical preparation of a Dauntless. Miraculously, I managed to reach the highest floor before a tragedy happened.
In the main control room, Angela had electronic points in both ears and hissed frantically whoever was commanding soldiers. Far from the kind attitude that I was used to seeing at my friend, she looked like a destruction machine. Lethal and relentless.
- No! - I shouted with all the force of my lungs.
Angela turned to look at me, as if I had grown three heads. The alarms were still sounding, continuous and distressing noise. I heard a voice coming from one of her electronic points, but she did not answer.
- Stop! - I shouted, still gasping for having climbed three flights of stairs - Angela, you can not kill them! This is not an attack.
"At least I think so." I thought.
She did not express any emotion. Neither surprise, or confusion. Anything. Angela just turned her eyes again to the monitor and began to speak through the main microphone.
- Immobilize them and bring them to me. Certify that they are unarmed. Don't hurt them, understand? If they do not resist, do not touch them.
Angela pulled the tiny points of her ears and got up from her chair. In the monitor behind her, I could see Andrew and Natalie walking ahead of half a dozen soldiers. They seemed calm, as if deal with it every day.
Damn. What were they doing here? Do they have any idea where they are getting into? What were they thinking?
I took a deep breath, to send oxygen to my brain and calm down. Always work, and this time was no different. Angela looked again at the monitor.
- They are the parents of your girlfriend, am I right?
At that moment, I only managed to nod.
- That is Andrew. I remember him ... a little. He used to play with you when you were a kids, right?... And I remember his wife, Natalie. - She said the name with a certain disgust - I believe they will bring problems, but let's hear what they have to say.
Being face to face with Natalie and Andrew was not at all what I imagined.
The experience was not as terrible as my hyperactive brain was considering, but that's not to say it was just nice. Natalie did not pay much attention to me. The brief look she gave me did not show anything special. But Andrew was different. His blue eyes remained the whole time on me. Intense, resentful, accusers.
His face had the same impression I had seen on the day that our friendship was over. On the day he saw me testing the Fear Serum in that factionless. And the accusation that he made me, was clear. I had destroyed all his city, and now I had corrupted her daughter, causing her to pass to my side.
I could not face him back for a long time, because I knew that the charge was fair. There was nothing that was not the most pure and clear truth.
- Well - Angela began, sitting in the small makeshift interrogation chair. - Pure doesn't welcome here very often. But I think because of your knowledge, you should have a good reason. Is Natalie, right?
Natalie nodded.
- I'm here simply because I want to help my children. My presence is not about an attack or conspiracy for genetic reasons. I'm not David.
- From what I remember, you worked for him. And your daughter is also a pure, right?
She nodded again.
- My daughter is a pure, and my son is a non-pure. Such thing as genetic deficiency means absolutely nothing to me.
Angela tilted her head slightly, a look that left frozen the fire. Her face was stone. Natalie remained calm but tense.
-I understand. - finally said. -You got something to say, Andrew Cornelius Prior?
Andrew's eyelid trembled slightly at his middle name.
-Purity and not-purity: I don't care. My sole purpose is to help my children. -He spat with a furious voice.
-Why you believe you two can help here? - I said, feeling frustrated.
Where else? You are the ones that are helping. - Andrew replied looking a point over my shoulder.
-You just come here, just like that?
-Nobody stopped us- Natalie said. -And nobody wanted to come with us. Some things came to light in Chicago. Mainly of Marcus Eaton and his son- Natalie looked at me for the first time. -Though I suppose that you knew. Anyway, there we are useless. Not here.
-There's nothing you can do here- replied coldly. -Just hinder us.
-I am pure, so maybe could be a test subject- Wright said firmly. Andrew remained calm, but paled. Suddenly he looked sick.
I can not believe it. Until such extremes was Wright willing to go?
-We already have- replied Angela. -They're here under their will. Some of them are my friends.
Natalie fixed her brown gaze on me.
-If it's true that you care my daughter, then prove it. I've been in the Bureau. You know as well as I do that I can be very useful.
-I have nothing to prove to any of you two- I said calmly. That was the truth. -Neither I have anything to do with you two. Not anymore.
-That's where you're wrong- spoke Andrew for the first time. His voice gave me a chill. -None of us would be alive. I almost died of a bullet, thanks to you, and if Beatrice's friends had not found Natalie she also had died. And that was for you.
-Anything else? - I replied coldly. I will not let Andrew see me weak.
-Yes. There is much more. Thousands of things ... which just this matter: my daughter was willing to give everything for you. And I want to believe that she is not entirely crazy. And where Beatrice and Caleb are, that's where I'll be. Not you, not the system, will separate me from my children anymore. You'll have to keep me a prisoner, but I'm not going anywhere.
Andrew for a moment was so upset and angry that surprised me. At that time, he was the picture of Beatrice. I remembered the anger in Beatrice's eyes. The moment she scratched my face and began to laugh and mourn hysterically. At that time I thought she was crazy, and for my fault. Also there was madness in her eyes as she pushed me against the wall of my room and we kissed for the first time.
-It's your decisión- said Angela with her hands in her pockets.
I took three steps and entered their personal space, both. I had not been so close to them in years and was not a comfortable feeling.
-You two stay. But if you are a nuisance, I will consider your idea, Andrew, and will lock you in the darkest dungeon I found.
I turned and left the room angry, fists clenched. I would have given anything in the world for that Beatrice was there with me now.
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