Chapter 21 - Absence Of The Heart

Ayana was all smiles. Odyn was coming home and she couldn't wait until they were a complete family again. Samaria, Max and Braden were all at school and she knew by the time they got home they would be bouncing off the walls to see their sibling safe and home.

Roman was on the road and was upset he wouldn't get to help bring Odyn home, but knew earning a living was more important than anything; putting food on the table and paying the bills really didn't outweigh his love for his kids but knowing they were fed and healthy helped push him through when he was on the road.

Nala chuckled as she smacked Ayana's arm. "Girl I couldn't remove that smile with a freaking grenade. Someone much be very happy to have her baby boy coming home today." She stated as they walked through the hospital.

Ayana shook her head. "I really thought for a while we were going to lose him Nal. He has been through so much this last year; he really deserves a huge break. It's why I'm keeping him out of school for the rest of the year and I'll just home school him. He needs to just kick back and relax and heal. He already made me promise to talk to the doctor about going back to school next year so he can play football. My little grunge baby."

Nala laughed softly. "Odyn just loves getting into the thick of things. He's got the speed and I have no idea where he gets all that power from; he's so friggen tiny compared to everyone else on the field, but damn does he pack a punch and I've never seen anyone take a hit like him."

"It has to come from Roman's side of the family. You know Roman has a hard ass head. He can deal out head butts left and right and not even break a sweat. Braden is just as tough and Max is bringing up the rear with that too. He wants to start Pee Wee football. I don't know if I can take another child going into such a physical sport." Ayana smiled. "I didn't have the heart to tell him because of his weight and age he would only be considered a Tiny Mite. He hates it when Odyn and Braden refer to him as tiny."

Nala chuckled. "My poor nephew he's really trying to grow up faster than Odyn and Braden; not realizing that is physically impossible."

"Yea not unless he suddenly starts growing like his daddy. When Roman hit 15 he shot up. I'm almost scared to see how Braden turns out that kid keeps growing out of his clothes." Ayana joked. "I can't believe my first baby is going to be 12 in a couple of months."

"Feeling old yet?" Nala teased as she nudged her friend with her elbow.

"Only every other day of my life." Ayana scoffed.

The closer to Odyn's room they got in the pediatric ward the bigger Ayana's smile got. They stopped at the door to his room and could hear him laughing up a storm inside. It was the most beautiful sound ever heard in the world.

Ayana walked into the room. "Well someone seems to be ready to come home."

"MOM!" Odyn explained. He started to jump off the hospital bed when she held her hand up and stopped him.

"Don't even think about it Mister!" Ayana warned as she walked closer and greeted the discharge nurse with a nod.

"Oh Mom come on I'm so ready. I mean really ready. Like super ready. The nurse said all you have to do is sign the papers and I can leave." Odyn stated animatedly.

Ayana narrowed her eyes as she looked between her son and the discharge nurse. "I don't know. I think I need a refund on this order ma'am. I ordered something smaller and a little less high strung." Ayana teased as she could hear Nala laughing behind her.

"C'mon mom! Don't mess around. Aunt Nala talk some sense into her please!" Odyn begged.

"Do look at me buddy." Nala chortled. "Your momma has a mind of her own. You should know that already." Nala watched as Ayana signed the paperwork off before they gathered up his things and headed home.

Ayana stood in the door way of Max and Odyn's room leaning against the frame. Max and Odyn had been thick as thieves since Max was born. They demanded to room together when Max was potty trained fully. She loved watching her kids when they were napping; Odyn was currently in a deep sleep across his bed. He had already had a video chat with Roman for a good 30 minutes while Roman was doing his cardio on a bicycle at a gym. She loved how animated Odyn got while talking to his father and how Roman returned his enthusiastic attitude about coming home as soon as he could to spend time with him.

Ayana looked at her watch and saw it was only 1. The kids would be getting out of school at 3; Lisa and Sika were picking them up to bring them home and come visit Odyn and also staying for dinner. Anytime spent with Roman's parents was a beautiful thing. The kids loved their grandparents immensely - Who was Ayana fooling? Lisa and Sika were more like mom and dad to her than her own parents and nothing proved it more than when her parents tried actually kidnapping Samaria.

Their trial date was vastly approaching and for the charges to stick; not only Ayana but Dean, Nala and Braden all had to testify. Ayana dreaded them putting Braden on the stand but he had actually approached her and told her he wanted to do it and that he could and would do anything to keep them away from his sister. She still couldn't believe how much and how fast he was growing up.

The attorneys for both sides had already interviewed Samaria about the night. They had taken a video of the interview and Ayana and Roman were both with her. There was no way in HELL they were letting their baby girl go alone; court was scary enough but to have to sit and explain that some stranger was trying to take her out of her brothers arms was even scarier. Ayana almost couldn't make it through Samaria's tears and interview, but she held her breath and started slowly breathing through it.

Roman was due home by the following morning and Ayana wasn't sure she was really ready to deal with his ridiculousness yet. In fact she KNEW she wasn't quite ready. She decided it was time for her husband to get a dose of his own medicine. She spared one last look at Odyn before she headed down the hallway to her bedroom; being sure to close the door behind her.

She had been thinking long and hard on the situation between her and Roman for the last week since he'd left on the road. She'd gotten some cardboard boxes from Home Depot and put them together. They had been sitting on their bed since last night, but she couldn't decide if she really wanted to do this or not.

All she kept thinking about was how Roman had made the CHOICE to just walk away from her; not their marriage but her. He just up and decided that stopping everything with her was what was really for the best. All it did was break her heart and make her crave to be loved. Roman had no clue what kind of effect his actions and his choice had on her.

Ayana opened Roman's dresser drawers and started taking everything out of them and stuffing the boxes full. After each one was full she would quietly take it downstairs to the spare room that was off the kitchen. 10 boxes of clothes, shoes and knick knacks and another box of his crap from the bathroom and she was done an hour later.

She wasn't kicking him out of the house; she'd already seen how hard it had been on the kids when he tried to take himself out of the equation last time. She would NEVER do that to her kids. But for right now they needed to live separately; even if it was in the same house. Roman made his decision without her it was her turn to make a decision without him.

Deep blue eyes looked around the kitchen before looking down at the task at hand; dusting - she hated house work, but they had taught the kids early in life that they had to help with everything. Ayana had been up since the butt crack of dawn trying to get everyone dressed and ready for school. Odyn enjoyed the ride to drop everyone off and also enjoyed rubbing it in their faces at the fact that he got to stay home.

Once that task had been finished he'd accompanied his mother to the grocery store they were virtually out of everything. Afterwards while Odyn actually volunteered to put the groceries away; Ayana was able to drag laundry to the basement and start some clothes; again everyone was nearly out of everything. The last several weeks had been so busy with Odyn's heart transplant and healing enough to come home to getting ready for Ayana's parents trial on kidnapping Samaria everything else was left to the weigh side.

Today was clearly catch up day for everything. After Braden got home from school he would do his homework and then mow the front and back lawn it was a good chore for him and keep him in good shape until basketball season; it was something Roman had instilled into him a year ago. Samaria even did her part and would dust the furniture low to the ground while Ayana did everything that was waist high and up. Odyn and Max usually helped by cleaning the bathrooms and their own bedroom.

Ayana took a breath as she walked back into the kitchen and saw Odyn sitting down at the breakfast nook on a stool. She walked by and dropped smushed a kiss to his cheek; she enjoyed the giggle that followed from him. "You feeling okay little man?" She asked curiously.

Odyn nodded. "Yes momma. I couldn't put the cereal or the soup away. I'm not tall enough yet."

Ayana smiled. "It's okay; I got it. Thank you for the help. You saved me a ton of work." She stated dramatically. "Are you hungry?" She watched as he nodded. "Do we want to make some super subs; daddy should be home in a few?"

Odyn got a huge smile on his face. "Can we really?"

"Of course." Ayana laughed; out of all her kids Odyn was the easiest to please when it came to food. Everyone else was picky as hell. She went to the fridge and got out ham, turkey, mayo, mustard, cheese, pepperoni, lettuce and a couple of tomatoes. She dug in the bread box and found some fresh French rolls, before she walked over and grabbed a butter knife and a sharp knife and went back to the counter and began making the sandwiches.

Ayana had just finished once sandwich when she heard the front door open. Her eyes snapped up as Odyn's face broke out into a HUGE grin. "I think someone's home." She watched as Odyn carefully got down from the stool and waited for his father to walk into the kitchen.

Her blue eyes watched lovingly as Roman walked into the kitchen and immediately squatted down and received a small body into his arms belonging to their son. He looked tired and the next could of days rest would be cherished immensely. Apparently her husband had decided not to shave, his beard was full and thick but at least it was nicely trimmed.

"Dad, momma made sub sandwiches." Odyn stated as he continued to hug his father as tightly around the neck as he possibly could.

Roman enjoyed and drank in all the affection from his son. It felt like it had been forever since Odyn had been home; when in reality it had only been 10 weeks, but he was healing up nicely and the doctor said he was definitely good to go home. He hated that he couldn't be home to pick Odyn up, but knew he had a job to do. Roman patted his back softly while returning his affection before he stood with Odyn in his arms. "Well if momma worked so hard we should sit down and eat them." He stated as he walked over to the kitchen table and set Odyn down.

All three of them sat down and ate their sandwiches. Odyn practically talked Roman's ears off, but he didn't mind at all. He missed it. He missed all of this.

Ayana was dreading when they would all finish. She would have to tell Roman what she had decided and knew all too well his Samoan temper was going to flare. She figured he owed her one.

Definitely.

Lunch was over faster than Ayana liked, but watched as Odyn yawned and she suggested he go lay across his bed and nap until his brothers and sister got home and then they could watch a movie with daddy and order something good for dinner. They watched as Odyn nodded sleepily before he slowly walked out of the kitchen and upstairs to his room.

Roman stood before he turned his grey eyes to his wife. "I'm going to go unpack. Do you need me to do anything today?" He asked.

Ayana stood up. "Um...before you do that, I need to explain something to you; come with me please." She headed to the spare room off the kitchen.

Roman enjoyed watching her jean covered rear end sway back and forth as he followed her out of the kitchen and down the small hallway to the spare room. He watched as she pushed the door open and as they stepped into the room his eyes narrowed at the cardboard boxes in the room. Had someone come to stay with them? "What's all this?" Roman asked curiously.

Ayana sighed heavily as she turned and looked up at her husband. "It's your stuff; actually it's all your stuff. I have decided since I'm not ready to talk to you about this whole situation that you are going to live in this room. We are not going to sleep in the same room or bed and I'm not going to just forgive you because you think you did the right thing."

Roman's eyebrows dropped to the bridge of his nose...which normally Ayana thought was sexy as hell but knew it was the number one indicator that his Samoan temper was about to blast off. "What the fuck do you mean you're not ready to talk about the situation? I thought we talked it all out. I've told you several time I was going to make it up to you. I made a stupid decision but I thought it was the right one." He had said it a 100 times since their initial blow up a few weeks prior.

"Telling me you're going to make it up to me and actually doing it are two entirely different things. I love you Roman. I love you so much sometimes it physically hurts when you are not home. But at the same time I really hate you too. I hate you for the way you made me feel like I wasn't beautiful enough for you. I hate you for making me feel like I had to change the way I looked to get my husband to even acknowledge my presence in the same household. I hate that I craved and yearned to have you touch me just once in the last two years only to get nothing from you. I hate that you are completely oblivious to how I felt and how I still feel." Ayana scowled but at the same time could feel the tears sliding down her cheeks. "I feel lost and empty. I thought that after 15 years of marriage and five pregnancies that you not only weren't attracted to me but that you were repulsed by me and that you just flat out didn't want me anymore."

Ayana shook her head as she backed away from Roman when he took a step towards her. "I don't know if you had an absence of the heart or if your brain flat out fell out of your ass after too many chair shots to the head. But as of right now you are going to live in this room. You are going to give me the space I need until I'm ready to deal with you. You made a choice without me; now it's my turn and this is it."

Ayana wiped her eyes as she left the room and went to finish the laundry in the basement.

She was NOT going to make this easy for Roman.

Why should she?