The sun is already setting when finally I go to see Tobias.
For the first time in a while that seems like an eternity, I feel relaxed enough to observe the color patterns that sky has in late afternoon. It is a beautiful orange tone winning contrast between the first stars that begin to appear in the sky.
The air smells like earthy and freshness, and the vision inspires warmth and comfort. Peace.
I open the door slowly and carefully, and the first thing I see is Tobias's face.
He has tired and anguished eyes and his shoulders are rounded forward. One of his hands holds Nita's hand, and his look is fully fixed on her sleeping face.
Nita is injured, but looks good. Her skin is flushed and, by the way her chest rises and falls regularly, she breathes normally. For a moment, I have a gloomy flashback the first time I entered the room where Jeanine was after Tori have shot her. I remember the sound of the heart monitor, the oxygen mask on her face, the gray and sickly tone of her skin.
The image of that hospital room is totally different. Nita is not connected to any machine, and does not use anything to help her breathe. She just has bandages involving her left thigh, and one bandage on her cheek.
I breathe with relief. I had imagined something a hundred times worse than that.
I enter the room and close the door behind me. The atmosphere is cooler than the outside, and my skin shivers. Tobias is aware of my presence, but takes a few seconds before looking away from Nita to look at me.
- Hey. - I salutes him.
- Hey. - He replies, smiling a little, but the smile did not reach his eyes.
He becomes to look at Nita, and I do the same.
Seeing her sleeping is somewhat strange. Nita always seemed a warrior in full-time, and I never thought she could look fragile. But here, with closed eyes, that's exactly how she looks.
- I'm really sorry, Tobias.
He is silent for a while, and I think maybe he's not very connected to the reality around him.
- It was my fault. - He answers finally - There was a mess, and I was David's target. He was going to shoot me, and Nita threw herself against him, trying to pull the gun from his hand. The gun went off.
- But ... she will be okay. Right?
- Yeah. - He sighs - She lost some blood, which made her weak, but they managed to stop the bleeding in time.
I breathe, letting his words were absorbed by my mind.
- When I was in the weapons lab, David hinted that she was dead.
- Maybe he wanted to scare you. - Tobias answers - To leave you stunned to something.
- Perhaps. - I think about it. Maybe Tobias was right, maybe David was afraid of losing, after all. He had his arm injured while I was healthy. Or maybe it was just cruelty. Maybe just the pleasure to see the pain in my eyes.
- I believe that when she wake up, you should tell her. - I tell Tobias, and he turns his look to me, confused.
- Tell her? What should I tell her?
- That you're in love with her. - I just answer.
Tobias's eyes widen, and he moves his mouth a couple of times, seemingly unable to say anything coherent.
- Maybe ... maybe you're right. - He admitted.
I felt a sudden surge of affection for that boy, who had suffered all his life, and not yet stopped to suffer.
Tobias was strong. Much stronger than anyone I know, much stronger than me. And he deserved to be happier more than anyone else.
- I will tell her. - he answered.
- She'll be happy.
- After all ... - he put his hand on her cheek - The worst that could happen is she reject me for some psychotic blonde. That would be very unlucky.
- You're not funny. Do not try to make jokes. - I answered frowning.
- Me? - he smiled - Have you ever heard your own jokes, Tris?
- I'm sure they're better than yours.
- Maybe. - He smiled again. - Since when?
- Since when what?
- Since when ... she?
I understood instantly what he meant.
- Always. - I said, smiling a little. - And it sounds corny, but it always will be thus ... and take that smirk off your face!
...
When I return to the bedroom, Jeanine is lying on the bed, staring at the ceiling.
On her face is the more serene expression I had ever seen. A relaxed expression which seems strange for a moment. I never thought that one day I would to see Jeanine that way.
What most strikes me now is my own perception about her. Although nothing had changed in fact in her appearance, with that state of mind, she looked ten times more beautiful.
When she sees me, she smiles, and I return the smile.
I walk to the bed, to lie down beside her, and she follows every step.
I lie down on my side of the bed, and she involves me in her arms. I lay my head on her chest and sigh.
- We did it. - I murmur.
- Yeah. - She says - All this still does not seems real. With nothing else tormenting my mind. Without David, without the Bureau and their barbarous government. I did not think I would live long enough to see it.
- But you lived. - I tell her, smiling on her chest - and will live much longer. And the best of all? You'll be stuck with me all this time.
I do not have visual contact with Jeanine, but I know she is smiling.
- I do not know when you became so presumptuous, but I must admit that yes, this is the best part of all.
At this moment, I see a flashback in my mind.
I see myself surrendering to her in the Erudite headquarters, I see her tortured look to run tests on me, I see our fight in her bedroom, our first kiss.
Our struggle for life against Tori, the moments of anguish I had passed by the time she was unconscious. The judgement.
And my promise. Above all, my promise.
- You know, - I tell her standing up, to be able to look in her eyes - When you were in the hospital shortly after Tori shoot you, when Angela told me about your childhood and about all the things you had been through ... - I wince at the memory - After listening your story, I made a promise to us both. I promised that if we both survived everything, then there would be no anyone or anything that could separate us. I promised that I would be where you were, no matter what happened. And I just get very, very happy to fulfill that promise. For the rest of my life.
Jeanine is smiling and her eyes are moist. I pretend not to notice, though.
- I did a very similar promise in the past. - she says, almost whispering - When I decided for your life, when I injected you the paralysis serum instead of death serum and took you to my house. While you slept deeply under the influence of the serum, I promised myself that by the time of life that was left me, I would take care that you were secure and safe. I did not think I would have much time, and believe me, Beatrice, there is nothing in the world most valuable to me than that.
At that point, she has her face hidden in my neck, holding me firmly but without force.
- Hold me strong. You know I will not reject you. - I whisper.
Then, she hugs me stronger, as if hugging someone she has missed for too long. As if hugging the most desperate desire of her heart.
She is very strong, more than I thought. I step one of my hands on her neck and play a bit with her hair, surprising how much it had grown up in our separation.
- Thank you. - she whispers in my shoulder, very softly - For not to surrender to me.
- I guess my brother was right. I never stop until I get what I want, no matter what I have to do. - I support my nose on her shoulder. - And I wanted you. I do not know since when you are my priority, and sometimes I'm afraid that is not healthy loving someone that way. - I kiss her neck - But while I can, I'll be by your side. And I'll do anything to protect us. To us and to all people who I love, but you more than anyone.
I feel Jeanine's anguished smile against my neck.
- I must have done something good to you love me that way.
- You are good. Anyone who says otherwise does not know the whole story.
- No one knows the whole story. - she whispers and loosens her grip - Not even myself. There are many things I do not know, that I will never be able to know because my father is dead and my mother left me. But I'll tell you everything I know, without avoiding the truth.
- Your mother... what?
That detail hit me like a bucket of cold water. I had heard horrible details about Jeanine's father, but absolutely nothing about her mother. Nothing. Angela had avoided naming her like a religious avoids naming the devil.
I want to look Jeanine's face, but she grabs her grip. Apparently, she felt safer talking without anyone looking at her.
- She left me. - she says quietly - When she knew the truth, she fled out of the city, like Jear ... David. And we never talked again about her. - her voice becomes lower - I do not know what happened to her. I do not want to know.
I did not know what to say.
- I hated her, and she hated us. In a way I understand why. She married by force, because she had the best genetics and my father wanted her ... DNA. -the grip loosens a bit, and I feel her hot breath on my neck. - And here I am. And here is David. And with the miracles of in-vitro fertilization, who knows how many more?
- And yet you don't hate him.
- How could I hate him after what I've become? - her expression is bitter and guilty - I've been all my life doing exactly the same as him, believing it was the right thing to do. I killed people and used others as experiment objects because I was thinking of the greater good. Just like him. I can not judge him, Beatrice. I'm the last person in the world who can do this.
I realized with some shock that she was right. I had been horrified by the things that her father had done to her, but could not hate her for equally bad things she had done to me and to many others.
And immediately I realized the difference: I loved Jeanine, and that made me blind to her mistakes.
I realized that love can lead us to be selfish, and it showed up clearly by the way that I had fought for her life even though she had taken so many lives.
This perception was somewhat shocking at first, but I decided that it would not change anything.
- But that does not matter, right? - I look at her face, trying to decipher from her expression what she was thinking.
- No. - She finally answers - It does not matter anymore.
- Great. - I turn to lay down my head on her chest - Now, let's sleep.
- Yeah. - She agrees - We had many sleepless and exhaustive days. We deserved rest, right?
- Quite right. - I say closing my eyes.
I fall asleep with Jeanine's smell in my nostrils, feeling her hands stroking my hair.