I remind myself to breathe as I once again look over into Tobias' dark blue eyes, which are sparkling back at me right now. I open my mouth to ask what's going on but nothing comes out, not even a squeak. He puts the little black box in my hand, and I forget how to take my next breath. I can no longer think straight.
"It's custom to bring a grab bag gift to the Christmas party but I wanted to give a gift to someone I love. Here," he says offering me the little box that's already in my hand. I still haven't breathed and somehow force myself to drag a ragged breath into my aching lungs. I open the box to find a tiny red glass Christmas ornament charm for my bracelet. "It's to commemorate not only our first Christmas together but also our first Christmas tree." Disappointment flares for a single moment before it's replaced with elation. I wonder what the fleeting disappointment was.
"The first ornament we hung up on the Christmas tree was a red glass one just like this," I say, finally finding my voice and blinking the happy tears back. I really don't want to cry right now. I want to see his blissful, gorgeous face. "It's beautiful, Tobias. My bracelet's on top of the dresser. Can you get it for me?" He gets up and moves to the dresser and retrieves my bracelet as I wipe away the tear that spills down my cheek. It has the Dauntless and Abnegation charms on it along with a tiny skeleton in a top hat to represent our first Halloween and a miniature horn of plenty to represent our first Thanksgiving. He takes the ornament charm out of the black box and attaches it to my bracelet then puts it on my right wrist. After staring at the shiny little ball on my wrist, I move my arms around his neck and drag his mouth to mine. We kiss gently for a moment but when the kiss starts to deepen, he pulls away.
"You really are beautiful," he says, caressing my cheek with the back of his hand. I swear I see his eyes darken as I'm staring into them.
"You look stunning yourself, Tobias," I say to him, which is always true but more so in his dress clothes. "Thank you so much for the charm. I love it, and I love you." He places his lips on mine, and once again he has me up in his arms. He kisses me for a moment before he sighs and pulls away then carries me down the stairs. Before we reach the bottom I kiss his neck lightly, once. He looks at me and tells me he loves me, and all I can do is smile in return, rising emotions threatening to pull me down. When we enter the living room Christina has packed everything up and is taking it down the hall to what will be her and Will's apartment. She probably knows Tobias and I need to be alone tonight. He sits me down on one of the barstools and leans up against the island beside me since it isn't time to go yet.
"When are you and Will moving in?" I ask Christina when she comes back into the apartment. It'll be so convenient having my best friend right next door.
"Next week, Tuesday I think. I forget exactly what Will and I decided. Must be a pregnancy side effect. I swear I can't remember anything these days. It's so frustrating." She sits down on the couch where I had been sitting and relaxes until it's time to go. If anyone deserves to be relaxing right now, it's her. She did hair and makeup, not to mention waxes, Mani/Pedi's and other various things for seven different woman this afternoon and never once acted like she wasn't having the time of her life. She deserves a medal! We all chat excitedly about tonight's party, except for Tobias. He just stands next to me quietly, playing with my curls and stroking the exposed skin of my shoulders making me wish I could kick everyone out and take him back upstairs right now.
Someone comments it's time to go, and Tobias and I let everyone leave the apartment ahead of us. He once again lifts me up into his strong arms and carries me out into the hallway. He secures the door behind us and carries me downstairs to where my wheelchair is now parked. He gently puts me in the seat and removes the parking break and wheels me to the cafeteria taking his time. We see person after person dressed in fancier than usual Dauntless clothing making their way to the dining hall for another candle-lit supper. By the time we make it to the cafeteria all our friends have already met their significant others and made their way inside to sit at our usual table. Tobias wheels me up to the end of the table decorated with black candles and strategically placed clear glass ornaments laying in a bed of live greenery garland and parks the wheelchair so it isn't in the way of other Dauntless members. He once again sets the parking break and then slides into the open seat left for him.
He fills a plate first for me and then for himself with honey baked ham, mashed potatoes with ham gravy, sweet potato casserole (thank you, Christina), seasoned green beans, and apple salad with grapes, raisins, and walnuts. We eat slowly joining in the conversation when appropriate but we mainly just gaze into each other's eyes, enjoying the atmosphere of the night. Peter's ogling doesn't even bother me. When we finish the main course, Tobias goes to get a sampling of cake for us to try. He brings back a plate with three small slices of cake in various colors and flavors to the table. There is a devil's food cake with chocolate peppermint frosting adorned with crushed candy canes, a spice cake with a cream cheese eggnog frosting, and a white cake with butter rum frosting adorned with mini bite-sized star-shaped sugar cookies Tobias tells me are actually called Christmas cookies. He feeds me a small bite of each cake, and I can't decide which I like the most. We take turns eating a bite of each one until all three are gone. I finally decide the devil's food cake with chocolate peppermint frosting with little bits of crushed up candy cane is my favorite but I talk Tobias into making Christmas cookies one evening at home with me because those are absolutely delicious, too.
Tobias wheels me from the cafeteria out into the rush of the Pit after we finish the cake. Everyone is making their way to the auditorium, and we are no exception. The doors to the party are standing wide open and beyond all I see is a sea of white, icy blue, and silver, very out of character for Dauntless. When we get just inside the door, Tobias wheels me out of the way, and we take in the astonishing site of Christina's flawless design open mouthed.
There is white fabric everywhere. It starts in the center of the ceiling being held in place with two large 5-pointed shiny silver stars that have been placed together to create a 10-pointed sculpture then drapes down slightly to the walls, covering up the normal thick black drapery. The front of the stage has been swathed with the same thick white fabric hiding any trace of Dauntless black. The poles that stand approximately every 10 feet or so that hold up the ceiling are wrapped in live greenery garland that has been spray painted silver and soft white twinkle lights. The edge of the stage and the hand railings of the stairs leading up onto the stage are wrapped in the same lights and spray-painted garland.
On the outside of the poles are at least 50 large round tables covered with white linen tablecloths surrounded by black metal folding chairs that have been draped with white chair covers that glide carefully along the floor when the chairs move. In the center of each table is a wondrous site. There are Christmas trees made out of various sized white balloons with silver and icy blue ornaments tucked in the empty spaces between the balloons. There's some kind of a light source shining up through the middle of each tree because all the white balloons are glowing like the sun coming through a frosted window on an uncloudy day. Placed here and there between the tables are several 6-feet tall white Christmas trees decorated with soft white twinkle lights and adorned with clear, frosted white, silver, and icy blue round ornaments. Just in front of the stage is a long table also draped in a white table cloth that has stacks of Christmas presents on it for the gift exchange.
On the stage the DJ has his equipment set up and even his table is draped with white to match everything else. Through the speakers an up-tempo Christmas carol I've never heard before is playing. Tobias wheels me to the table that's been reserved for us and pushes away one of the folding chairs to accommodate the wheelchair. Then he tells me he'll be right back.
"Hello, Tris," a familiar voice says over my left shoulder. I turn and am looking into the familiar eyes of my uncle, Nathan Wright.
"Hello, Nathan," I say. "It's nice to see you again. I hope you're enjoying yourself tonight."
"This is a lovely party. One of the best I've ever attended in all my years. I just wanted to stop by and wish you a Merry Christmas. I won't take up any more of your time," he says.
"You aren't taking up any of my time. It's always nice to see you," I say. "We'll have to make plans soon for that dinner."
"We will," he says, then looks over his shoulder. "I have to get back to my family. You have a wonderful evening, Tris." Nathan turns and heads to the other side of the auditorium just as Tobias returns with two glasses of sparkling cider. We sit for a while watching everyone else dance when suddenly I feel his lips on my neck, and I melt into him.
"Would you like to dance?" he asks once his lips find my ear. I frown at him and he says, "What?"
"How am I supposed to dance when I can't even walk?" I say, still frowning.
"That's easy. I'll do all the work," he says getting up. He takes my hand and pulls me to my feet. He wraps my arms around his neck while wrapping his around my waist and stands up so I'm a good 6 inches off the ground. He carries me to the dance floor, and we dance with him holding me up like I don't weigh a thing through two slow romantic Christmas songs. When the old Christmas classic Jingle Bell Rock comes on he returns me to my chair, and we catch our breath, not from the dancing but from the close proximity of our bodies. We know it won't do for two of the four Dauntless leaders to leave when the Christmas party has barely started so we stay, put on our happy faces, and do our duty. We dance to more slow Christmas carols loving every minute, drink more sparkling cider, and laugh with our friends. At 11:00 p.m. Tori comes over to us and says it's time for the Christmas gift grab bag. Tobias and Will follow her to the stage but I stay behind at the table with our friends.
"Welcome to the annual Dauntless Christmas Party!" Tobias says into the microphone on stage. The crowd of partially drunk Dauntless members cheer, clap, and stomp their feet as he speaks. "I would like to give a shout out to Christina Misner, who is responsible for planning the wonderful meal we had tonight and the lovely decorations around you. Christina, will you please stand up?" Christina blushes slightly but stands as instructed, and our fellow Dauntless members go wild. The noise is deafening. Tobias steps back up to the microphone when the crowd starts to settle down. "If you brought a gift with you please come up to the table in front of the stage and pick one out. Please, everyone have a good time but remember to stay safe and Merry Christmas!" Before he comes back to me I see him take two packages off the gift table. He sits one in front of me when he returns to the table and sits the other one in front of him.
"What's this for?" I ask.
"I told you, it's a Dauntless tradition. I gave our grab bag gifts to Christina yesterday, and she brought them in for us since she wouldn't even let me come in early and see the decorations," he says smiling. "Go ahead and open yours."
"It's strange getting a gift and you don't know who it's from," I say to him as I tear into the red foil paper. Once I throw the discarded paper to the side I open the little box and can't believe my eyes. I frown, look up at Tobias, and then look back in the box.
"What is it?" he says. I slide the box over to him, and he stares at it for a moment. Inside the box are three names on a piece of white card stock: Amar Atwood, George Wu, and Ivy Stevenson and the message, "You are next," in bold typeface. My heart starts racing, the color drains out of my face, and I can barely catch my breath.
"How is this possible?" I whisper. He puts his arm around me protectively and starts scanning the crowd for anyone paying special attention to our table. He puts his hand on my chin and makes me look up at him.
"Try to put a smile on your face, Tris, like nothing's the matter," he quietly says before he kisses me lightly on the lips. I take two deep breaths and put a smile on my face, although I know it doesn't touch my eyes. He opens the gift in front of him and finds a CD of traditional Christmas carols, a typical grab bag gift he tells me. "Christina?" he calls to her. She looks up at him. He beckons her with his finger, trying to look like nothing's wrong. She comes over to us, and one look at me tells her something's wrong. "Do you know where the gifts at the far right edge of the table came from?" She thinks for a moment.
"I don't remember there being any gifts at the right. Why?" she asks.
"Please keep a smile on your face okay?" he says, pleading with her with his eyes. He then slides my "gift" over to lets her look at it. The smile on her face freezes in place when she takes in the note. Tobias pulls out his phone and sends a text to Tori and Will saying, "Emergency meeting at my place tomorrow morning at 10:00 a.m. Don't ask questions, just act as if nothing's wrong. This is vital, don't look or act like anything is up." Tori and Will look to Tobias after they receive their texts but don't verbally acknowledge. "I'll be right back," he says in my ear. I keep the smile frozen in place trying to look as natural as I can. When Tobias sits down beside me, he hands me a glass filled with sparkling cider.
"Here's some cider. I thought about getting us something a little stronger but I knew you wouldn't like that," he says. He's right I don't like the idea of drinking, especially as a mechanism to cope. Just then another slow romantic Christmas carol comes through the extra-large speakers on the stage.
"Shall we?" he asks as he rises and holds his hand out to me. I stand up on my good leg, and he picks me straight up again, and I relax when I'm in his arms. He takes me out into the middle of the makeshift dance floor, and we hold onto each other tightly. He turns us in slow circles, and I watch the couples around us knowing he's doing the exact same thing but I don't see anyone paying any attention to us. Everyone I look at seems to be totally absorbed with their partner. A table in the corner is clearly full of Dauntless singles looking for a hookup including Peter. He doesn't look my way once during the dance. He's too busy hitting on a busty pink-haired girl in a skintight dress, if you could call it that.
"Can we go home?" I whisper in Tobias' ear as he's carrying me back to our table after the song finishes. "I don't want to stay here anymore. Please?" I kiss him and put every ounce of need I'm feeling right now into it. He pulls back sooner than I like and nods his head. He gently sits me in my wheelchair, and we say goodnight to our friends, and he wheels me toward the exit and up to our apartment.
The overwhelming stress of the day's events start taking their toll on me on the ride back, and I start to feel sleepy, which isn't what I want at all. I've been looking forward to this night for so long. Unfortunately, the repetitive motion of the wheelchair lulls me to sleep against my will. I wake up when he's carrying me up the stairs to our bedroom.
"I didn't mean to fall asleep, Tobias," I say, snuggling up against his neck, my voice full of sleep.
"That's okay, love. It's been a really long day," he says as he sits me down on my side of the bed. I look up at him and realize I'm having a hard time keeping my eyes open. "Do you need help with your dress?" I nod my head at him, and he goes over to one of my dresser drawers and gets my one and only nightgown. He must think it will be easier for me to get on with his assistance than pants and a shirt. He comes back and undoes the button on the top of my dress, which allows it to fall to my feet. Not even his soft gasp wakes me fully. He asks me to raise my arms then slides the nightgown over my head, letting it fall into place and gently lies me back on my pillow. The last thing I remember is the feel of his lips on top of my head when he pulls me into the circle of his arms.