The blaring of the alarm jolts me awake, and I lean over and turn it off. My hand reaches out, searching for Tobias but all I feel is cold, empty sheets and I frown. I force my eyes to open and search the bedroom but it's empty. When I listen carefully, I can hear the shower running down the hall. I stretch and feel soreness in muscles I didn't even know I have, and sweet memories of early this morning come flooding back to me. I lie back and let them wash over me as I remember each kiss, each touch, each movement, each sensation, and a smile spreads over my lips.
I suddenly realize I'm lying in bed with nothing on, and Tobias will be out of the shower soon and nervous energy moves through me. I lean up and see my nightgown on the floor not too far from the bed where Tobias tossed it after he took it off of me. I sit on the edge of the mattress and step on my good foot and reach for the discarded garment and just barely touch it with my fingertips. I manage to scoop it up and let it slide over my head just in time to see Tobias come out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his hips.
"Good morning," I softly say, sliding back to sit on the side of the bed, letting my eyes travel up and down his nearly naked body. Remembering the feel of every inch of his body on mine, I blush.
"Good morning," he huskily says, taking in the site of my blush. He walks straight to me and sits on the edge of the bed beside me. I look up into his eyes, shyness suddenly enveloping me. "How are you feeling this morning, Tris? Are you okay?" He looks like he's standing on the edge of a high cliff and will either fall to his death or survive depending on my answer.
"I'm wonderful, Tobias," I say leaning up and placing a kiss on his lips. When we part, he smiles brightly at me then frowns slightly. "What?" I can't imagine what that look could be about.
"I hurt you this morning," he quietly says, sadness in his eyes. "I'm so sorry."
"You didn't hurt me, Tobias," I say to him, confused.
"I did hurt you," he says. "You screamed out. You were in pain."
"Oh, Tobias, I'm not going to lie, it did hurt at first but after the pain faded, it was unlike anything I've ever felt before. Being with you ... it was absolutely amazing, and I feel silly for ever being afraid."
"We were amazing weren't we?" he says with a sly smile crossing his lips. I roll my eyes at him, and he pushes my back on the bed. His mouth eagerly lands on mine as his hands glide effortlessly up and down my body with the assistance of my silk nightgown. When I pull back panting I feel the necessity to remind him of our meeting.
"We have company coming over very soon, Tobias," I breathlessly say with a sigh, giving him one last kiss. "Now if you'll bring me my crutches I'll go to the bathroom and get ready because you need to get dressed then make me breakfast because I'm starving." He laughs a hearty belly laugh, one I've never heard before, and moves across the room to get my crutches.
I make my way to the bathroom to take a shower. I mean for it to be quick but the hot water soothes my sore, tired muscles, and I can't force myself to rush the process. After I'm done I wrap my body with one large fluffy towel and my hair in another then stare at myself in the mirror. I look for differences in my appearance but I don't really see any. Yes, my eyes are bright and shiny this morning, and there's a huge smile I can't seem to wipe off my face but honestly I don't want to. I've never been as happy as I am right now.
I finally put on some light makeup then style my still damp hair. I use some of the spray gel Christina gave me last night to make the style last longer. With my plush towel wrapped firmly around me I go out into the hallway and make my way to the bedroom. Tobias is downstairs making breakfast so I don't feel uncomfortable getting dressed. First I lay out my outfit on the unmade bed, drop the towel, and then quickly get dressed. I know I will get over my shyness one day, but I don't think this is that day. When I'm done dressing, I holler for Tobias, and he comes and carries me downstairs and deposits me on a barstool at the island.
I watch him work around the kitchen finishing our breakfast, and I feel my stomach tighten with desire. Oh boy, this is going to be a long meeting. He sets a huge plate of scrambled eggs, thick cut bacon, mixed fruit, and wheat toast with honey butter in front of me and sits down beside me. I practically inhale them. I knew I was hungry but I had no idea I was ravenous. Sex must really work up an appetite.
"Hey, slow down. There's more if you want it," he says, chuckling.
"I'm famished. I'll take more," I say to him, putting the last bite of eggs in my mouth. He goes around the island and grabs the skillet and puts more eggs on my plate and the rest on his. "Thanks!" I try to slow down but can't, and when I'm done I feel overly full. He takes our plates and puts them in the dishwasher then cleans up the kitchen while my eyes follow his every move.
"Thanks for a wonderful breakfast, Tobias," I say to him. He moves his eyes to mine, still wiping off the island, and I notice the same sparkle in his eyes that's in mine today.
"You're welcome, Tris. You know I love doing it." We stare at each other for a moment before he clears his throat. "Would you like to go to the couch?"
"Will you go get the wheelchair from downstairs that way I can get around down here without always having to ask for help?" I ask. He nods, moves around the island, kisses me, then heads out the door. Soon he's coming back into our spacious living room with the borrowed wheelchair. He pushes it in front of me, I get up, turn around, and sit down. He goes to push me where I want to go but I tell him to let me see if I can maneuver myself around the apartment. I'm wheeling myself around and around when there's a knock at the door. He opens it to let Tori, Will, and Christina in.
"Tris, what are you doing?" Christina asks when she sees me coming around the corner of the island, barely missing the cabinet.
"Learning to steer this thing. It isn't as easy as it looks," I tell her. "Actually, I'm quite dangerous. I keep running into things. Four and I will probably have to remodel the apartment after I give it back. Hey, are you staying for the meeting?"
"No, I'll be putting things away in our apartment while Will's here." She walks closer to me and squats down. "You okay? That was quite a note last night." My heart starts hammering in my chest at the thought of that note. I honestly had forgotten about it.
"I'm trying to keep positive. You really have no idea how that got onto the gift table?" She shakes her head.
"Several people brought gifts early, and I put them on the table but in no particular order and none of the gifts were for specific people so I don't know how you ended up with that. It must have been a shock."
"You have no idea. I don't even know how to explain it. We'll talk later. The sooner we get this meeting over with the sooner you can have Will back for the rest of your Sunday," I say and I can take my boyfriend back upstairs. She goes to Will and gives him a quick kiss then walks out the door and down the hall to her apartment. I wheel myself into the living room beside Tobias. Will and Tori sit on the couch.
"I called this meeting because of the so-called Christmas gift Tris opened last night," Tobias says. He goes into the kitchen and retrieves the unassuming little box with the menacing note inside off the counter and brings it to Will. Will opens the box, looks at the note, frowns, and then passes it on to Tori. She looks shocked not only because of the boxes contents but because her brother's name is on the note.
"What is this about?" she asks. I look at Tobias and realize now is the time to tell her about the deleted names. He nods at me, seeming to read my mind.
"I discovered something else about the two lists compiled by Eric, two deleted names. Tori, they were George and Amar. They were each deleted the day after their deaths." Will looks ashen and Tori gasps. I wheel myself over in front of her.
"Tori, Four and I didn't tell you about this because we still have no idea what all this means. We didn't want to add to your pain. I'm sorry," I say, truly wishing we would have told her immediately.
"Is there anything else you haven't told me?" she asks, spite thick in her voice, first looking at me and then Tobias. We deserve it, but it still stings.
"No, there isn't, and if you want to hold someone accountable for not telling you, that would be me. I didn't want to tell you, and I forbid Tris from telling you. Maybe it was the wrong decision, but I was trying to protect you, protect all of us. We still don't know 100% what these lists mean. We can only speculate that they're about Divergents but for all we know they could be about something entirely different."
"That's very unlikely," Tori says, mainly to herself.
"Where exactly did you get the box, Four?" Will asks bringing the conversation back to last night.
"I picked up two boxes that were sitting on the back right hand corner of the table. I walked back to our table, gave one of the boxes to Tris, and kept the other for myself."
"Were they with a lot of other packages or off by themselves?" Will inquires, wheels turning in his head. Tobias furrows his eyebrows indicating he's going back to that moment in his mind.
"Actually, I think they were by themselves. Why?" he asks, looking at Will but Will looks a million miles away.
"When I was taking in all the decorations last night after we first sat down at our table, I looked over at the gift table. All the gifts were in the middle of the table and on the left. There wasn't anything on the right side of the table. I can't say who did this, but those boxes were put there in hopes that one of us, coming off the stage, would just grab them, and it worked."
"So it might not have been meant specifically for Tris?" Tori asks.
"I've already thought of that. I believe it was intended to reach one of us last night and whoever did it didn't care which one of us opened it. It was a scare tactic," I say. I want to add that it worked but I need to be brave right now, Dauntless. We sit in silence letting the enormity of the situation sink in. What can we do? "We have to talk to everyone on the first list and warn them. I think it's irresponsible not to, especially since Ivy's death and Hana's assault. We can't let anyone else get hurt or worse, die."
"I agree," Tori says. "We also need to show them the sketches we got from Hana to not only see if they can identify them but give them an idea of who to look out for."
"Tris had an interesting idea about our attackers," Tobias says. Will and Tori look at me, expectation on their faces.
"What bothers me the most is you didn't recognize the sketches, Tori. Seriously, who in Dauntless doesn't go to the tattoo parlor at least once in their life? It made me think. What if they aren't active Dauntless members? What if they are from other factions or are factionless," I say, eliciting a gasp from Will. Tori furrows her eyebrows and just listens. "I also have another thought. What if they are utilizing the redistribution center to get Dauntless clothing?"
"That makes everything that much more difficult if they aren't Dauntless members," Will says, exasperated.
"You're partly right, Will, but we have something I'm not sure ex-members realize we have ... files."
"Files?" Will says, frowning. I forget he hasn't gotten a chance to go through everything like Tobias, Tori, and I have.
"We have a file for anyone who has ever lived in Dauntless, not just the current members but also dependents who transferred to other factions, transfers who didn't make the cut in one way or another, deceased members, and members who were forced out because they got too old, which one day we all really need to address. I find that act barbaric." Tobias smiles at my little rant. I've made it quite clear in the past that I think good members shouldn't be asked to leave just because they're getting older. "Four and Zeke have been concentrating on the surveillance footage and you two have been making sure you are out in front of people so no one has looked at the inactive files yet. There could be something there. You know, you guys could bring me some files, and I could go through them while I'm sitting here doing nothing."
"The doctor said no work," Tobias says firmly.
"How strenuous is it to sit on the couch with my feet up, ice on my ankle, and read files? It would be the same thing if I was reading a book. Please let me help. I would feel so much better about myself and the situation," I look at Tobias for a moment, and the others in the room seem to disappear.
"Okay. I'll bring you 10-20 files after lunch each day and you can go through them," he says.
"Thank you," I say, suddenly wishing we were alone. I try to shake the fog of desire off while we have company but it isn't easy.
"So, do you think someone in Dauntless is helping these people?" Will asks.
"I do believe at least one person in the compound is helping them but I can't figure out why we can't find them," I say, then I remember something from an earlier meeting. "Tori, did you talk to my dad, Caleb, Summer, and Sofia about whether the other factions have any situations like we have?"
"I did ask each of them but they said they haven't, and they were quite surprised about what is going on here," Tori says.
"Even Caleb?" I ask, not really knowing why I ask the question.
"Yes, why?" she says.
"I don't know. He's Erudite now. He may be my brother and I love him but I don't trust Erudite. I may never again," I say. Everyone nods at my assessment, agreeing with me.
"Alright," Tobias says, trying to end the meeting. "I'll start bringing documents to Tris tomorrow after lunch. She'll look for our perpetrators in the inactive files. Will, you will tour Dauntless keeping an eye out for any strange behavior. Tori, you and I will start calling people from the first list into my office to notify them of the potential danger and ask them if they can identify the men in the sketches. We need to make the decision whether to tell them about the second list, the people keeping tabs on them."
"I say you ask them if they recognize any of the names on the second list and if they do, how but don't give them a reason as to why. Just tell them it's part of the ongoing investigation," Will says.
"I agree," Tori and I say at the same time, causing us to laugh lightly.
"Well, I think that's it. Sorry to have bothered you both on a Sunday, but I didn't think this could wait," Tobias says getting up and going toward the door. He's not being very subtle about wanting them to leave. Tori leaves but Will lingers for a moment.
"Christina and I are getting closer to being 100% moved into the apartment, and we want to invite you two over for supper. We were thinking Wednesday night, if that's okay." Tobias looks my way, and I eagerly nod at him.
"That would be great, Will," he says as he puts his hand out to him. They shake then Tobias shuts and locks the door behind Will.
"You practically threw them out of here. What's up?" I ask him with a bit of a frown on my face. He comes over and sweeps me up out of the wheelchair and into his arms. He kisses me as he carries me over to the couch.
"This is our day. I don't like sharing you with anyone on Sundays," he says with his lips on mine. "What would you like to do today?" Suddenly the desire that flamed earlier surges through me.
"I know what we can do," I say running my hand down his chest. I lean forward to kiss him, but he tenses, catches my hand, and backs away from me. I automatically frown at him again.
"That isn't exactly what I had in mind, Tris. I was thinking more along the lines of a movie or making those cookies you were talking about last night," he says. That isn't what I want. I move to straddle his lap but he doesn't let my hand go, and he doesn't ease his rigid posture.
"Both of those things sound really nice, Tobias, but I know something that's a lot more fun. We can go upstairs and spend a lazy Sunday afternoon in bed. That sounds good to me." He lets my hand go, and I wrap my arms around his neck and gaze into his eyes, letting the offer hang in the air. I see indecision in his eyes. He finally relaxes so I lean forward slowly and place my lips to his and kiss him softly. I open my mouth and run my tongue over his bottom lip, and he groans and opens his mouth. I lightly bite his bottom lip when I pull away from him. Then I lean back and look into his eyes. The indecision has been replaced by longing but he is still holding himself back, and I don't understand why. "Tobias, please talk to me. Tell me what's going on in that mind of yours."
"I would love nothing more than to carry you upstairs and make love to you," he groans. He hesitates and I know something's working on him. "I hurt you this morning, Tris. I could hear pain in your voice. I don't ever want to do that again." So that's what this is about, he's afraid of hurting me. I can't lie to him and tell him it won't hurt because I imagine with his size and my inexperience that it will hurt some for a while.
"Tobias. Look at me," I say. He finally raises his trouble-filled eyes to mine. He almost looks … ashamed. "You didn't hurt me this morning. Yes, it was painful at first but I think that's normal. I was a virgin." How do I voice this next part? "And you're big," I whisper, not able to quite meet his gaze, heat coloring my cheeks. "I think it'll take us some time before the pain totally goes away. Please don't think you're hurting me."
"It killed me when you screamed," he says, wrapping his arms around me, burying his head in my shoulder, and pulling me close to him. My heart constricts seeing him this way even though he's being silly. "You don't understand. Every part of my being shouts at me to protect you and keep you safe, and then I'm the one who made that sound come out of your mouth." I don't know how to comfort him so I just cling to him. I pull away after a while. I take a deep breathe needing to get to the bottom of this.
"Can I ask you something?" I say. He looks into my eyes with a grave look on his face and nods. "If you hurt me, do you think I'd be with you right now trying to talk you into going upstairs and make love to me?" He thinks about this and frowns. His logic is flawed, and he's beginning to understand that. I move my mouth next to his ear and say, "You didn't hurt me, Tobias. You loved me and I would like you to love me again."
"You're right. I'm being stupid," he says as he stands up, bringing me with him. He gracefully sweeps me up into his arms once again making my heart flutter, puts his lips on mine, and carries me up the stairs.