I wake nestled close up against Tobias, his arms wrapped protectively around me, feeling every hard muscle of his body against my backside, just like a set of spoons in the utensil drawer. I feel the steady rise and fall of his chest telling me that he's still deep asleep. I don't move to see what time it is, trying to avoid waking him up. I'm afraid one little move will cause him to spring out of bed and into action because he's been hovering a bit this week.
In the middle of the night Tuesday morning, I woke up feeling absolutely dreadful and had to abruptly wake Tobias to have him take me to the bathroom before I got sick in the middle of our bedroom. That would have been really bad. He wanted to immediately take me to the infirmary but I convinced him that it was just a bug, and I would feel better in a couple of days. I spent the whole day Tuesday and Wednesday curled up on the couch with the quilt wrapped tightly around me like a cocoon with a bucket on the floor in front of me. At first I just had the fuzzy gray throw covering me, which normally is warm enough but he finally brought the quilt downstairs when he could no longer stand the sound of my teeth chattering together. For once I was actually thankful for the doctor-imposed house arrest. It was bad enough that we ended up cancelling our plans to make Christmas cookies on Tuesday night and dinner with Will and Christina on Wednesday night but since I was already at home recuperating from my fall, it didn't disrupt the work schedule.
I managed to go through approximately 30 of the inactive files Monday afternoon. I probably would have gotten to more of them but one minute Tobias was across the room in the kitchen asking me what sounded good for lunch, watching me flip absent-mindedly through one of the files, and the next we were upstairs making love. That was one of the most pleasant lunches I've ever had and no food was served. Unfortunately, getting the flu has put a kink in our love life, and even though I'm tangled up in his arms at this very moment, I miss him desperately. He has flipped a switch in me, activating something deep down inside I didn't even know existed. Christina was right about the emotional side of sex changing you. It has definitely changed me. These new emotions are overwhelming and all consuming. I don't even know how to explain it. I just know that I love him desperately.
I feel Tobias stir behind me. He pulls me closer, if that's possible, and sighs. I lie perfectly still in his arms trying not to wake him further if he isn't ready to get up. After a while I can tell he isn't going back to sleep, and I turn in his arms and look up at him.
"Good morning," I say.
"Good morning," he replies, kissing my forehead. I'm sure I'm not supposed to know he's checking my temperature but I do. "How are you feeling this morning?"
"Much better, thank you. How are you feeling? I haven't given anything to you have I?" I ask. He hasn't had so much as a sniffle but we both would like to keep it that way.
"I feel fine. After I brought you to bed last night and you fell asleep I got up and washed everything downstairs with the bleach solution and sprayed the couch like the infirmary suggested." Even though I talked him out of taking me to the infirmary, he insisted on calling them. They informed him there was in fact a bug going around Dauntless, and the best thing for it was rest and plenty of liquids, which I was already doing. They also told him to wipe all hard surfaces down with a special bleach solution and spray an aerosolized disinfectant on all soft surfaces daily. They also told him to wash all the bedding as soon as I started feeling better.
I run my free hand slowly up his arm, just letting my fingertips trail along his skin. I notice his already dark blue eyes darken further. When I reach his shoulder I move my hand up to his head and pull his mouth to mine. It's been far too long since I've felt his lips moving with mine. He kisses me for a long moment before pulling away breathless.
He gets his mouth up against my ear and says, "Merry Christmas, Tris!" and I freeze. How could I forget it's Christmas morning? My first Christmas morning. "I have a surprise for you, if you want?" His eyes are dancing with excitement.
"A surprise?" I ask, not able to hide the giddy feeling that's now coursing through my veins.
"How would you like to have supper in the cafeteria with our friends?" he asks, a huge smile on his face. "I know it isn't much but the chefs always prepare a feast on Christmas night. I wouldn't want you to miss it." I practically throw myself at him, wrap my arms around his neck, and knock him back on the bed. I lie on top of him and pepper kisses all over his face.
"Thank you, thank you, thank you," I say. He laughs at my childish exuberance.
"How about we go downstairs and you can open your presents. After that I'll cook us breakfast then we can just lounge around all day."
"I know something we can do," I say lowering my lips to his. I kiss him slowly but passionately before he rolls us over so I feel his now familiar weight on top of me. He lifts his mouth off of mine and looks down in my eyes.
"Tris, you haven't been feeling well, and I don't think that would be a good idea." I pout but he shakes his head at me. "I'll make you a deal." This piques my interest.
"What's the deal?" I ask, running my fingers through his hair. I really want him.
"If you make it through the day and through supper down in the cafeteria without totally exhausting yourself, we can ... celebrate ... tonight. How does that sound?"
"That sounds amazingly grown up of you, Tobias Eaton," I say in an official voice. I put my hand out to him. "I will take that deal. Let's shake on it." He shakes my hand then kisses me more passionately than I thought he would. He groans and rolls off of me. He slides out of bed, and I sit up and a wave of vertigo hits me, and I fall back onto the mattress. He rushes around to my side of the bed.
"Are you alright?" he asks, concern in his voice and on his face.
"Yeah, I just got a little dizzy. I think I need some food." He lifts me off of the bed and carries me to the bathroom so I can splash some cool water on my now clammy face. I also take advantage of the time and brush my teeth.
When I tell him I'm done he carries me downstairs and sits me on the couch then covers me up with the throw. He grabs the remote, flips the switch, and the Christmas tree lights turn on adding to the magic of the morning. Instead of opening presents first, he makes me some oatmeal and wheat toast for breakfast to help eliminate the dizziness. I complain a little at first about the bland breakfast but he's right, my stomach has been upset for days so I need to start out as slowly as possible, especially if I'm going to eat tonight's supper, which he told me is unlike normal Dauntless dinners.
When I finish my oatmeal and toast, he helps me to the floor right in front of the Christmas tree. I notice that there are several packages under the tree that weren't there before. Thankfully, earlier this week, I had Christina do me a huge favor and pick out an outfit for Tobias more in character with his Dauntless leadership role. He slips his hand under the edge of the tree and brings out a small black velvet box and hands it to me.
"I had to get this for you when I saw it," he says handing me the small box. I flip the hinged lid up and gasp, my hand covering my mouth. In the middle of the black satin lining is an absolutely gorgeous cut ruby heart in a platinum setting for my charm bracelet. "That represents our first time making love. If you look closely there's a date on it." I turn it over and see a small December 20 engraved into the platinum setting. Tears swim in my eyes.
"Thank you," I mouth as no words will come. He leans over and kisses me sweetly then gets up, and I watch him climb up the stairs. He returns a moment later with my charm bracelet. He attaches the heart in the middle and puts it on my right arm. I look at it laying on my dainty wrist and smile. "Thank you," I say. "It's absolutely beautiful."
"You are very welcome." I reach under the side of the tree and pull out a large flat box marked to Four from Tris. Obviously, I didn't write that.
"Here, Tobias, this is for you." He opens the box and finds a black pair of dress pants and a black long-sleeved thermal henley amongst the candy-cane-covered tissue paper. "It's an outfit for work. Something more formal than you usually wear. If you don't like it we can exchange it. I have a connection," I say with a smile.
"I love them. There's no need to exchange them. I'll wear the outfit tomorrow," he says. "Open this one next," he says. He hands me a box much like what he just opened, except it's much deeper. I open it and find a gorgeous dress. I hold it up in front of me and take it in. It's a black strapless party dress with a leather bodice and sweetheart neckline. The full skirt starts just below the chest in a princess waistband. There's an unusual detail to this dress that catches my eye. There's a thin dark crimson band at the waistband that looks like it's melting down into the skirt causing a somewhat sloppy stripe. It's unlike anything I've ever seen. In the bottom of the box is a pair of black thigh-high leather boots with the same dark-crimson-colored laces. I eye Tobias suspiciously. I can't imagine that he bought this for me.
"Christina," is his only explanation. "Do you like it? To be honest, I think it's kind of hot." Of course he would.
"Actually, I do like it. Maybe that's why she got it, because she knew I never would have bought anything like this for myself." He hands me an odd shaped little package that seems very fragile after I set the dress and boots aside. I take the lid off the box but can't figure out exactly what it is I'm looking at. I carefully take the little white circle that's adhered to a base of some sort with what looks like little red charms hanging all over it out of the box, and I can finally see it clearly. It's a Ferris wheel that looks almost identical to the one we climbed at the Navy Pier. It's a white Ferris wheel with red cars dangling from it. The whole structure even moves around just like the real one did the night Tobias saved my life.
"It's an ornament for our Christmas tree. When I saw it I thought back to that night. How smart it was for you to figure out that climbing the wheel would allow you to see where the other team hid their flag. No one had ever thought of that in the two years I'd been here until you. How brave you were in climbing the wheel and then how much braver and more alive you became when it broke and you almost fell. How you made me want to conquer my fear just so I could steal away with you for those precious few minutes."
Once again my eyes are swimming with tears. I hand him the delicate little ornament and have him hang it on the Christmas tree, and I stare at it for a few minutes. I crawl across the floor and up onto his lap, straddling him. I wrap my arms around his neck and pull him as close to me as our bodies will allow. I sob into his shoulder as pent up emotions flow freely through me. He has one hand in my hair and the other wrapped almost entirely around my waist. After a few minutes I pull back and look into his concerned eyes.
"I'm sorry, Tobias," I whisper, emotion still thick in my voice. He has a grave look on his face. He probably thinks I've gone crazy. I wipe the tears away the best I can but they're still sliding down my face. "That's the most thoughtful gift. It's perfect. I love it, and I love you." I kiss him softly. "I have something else for you," I tell him. I get off of his lap and crawl around to the far side of the tree and take out his hidden package. I come back and hand it to him with a shy smile. I hope he likes it. I hope it's recognizable. He looks from my tear-filled eyes to the plain-looking package in his hands. He moves the twine off of the edges and tears into the kraft paper. Once he has all the packaging moved away he sits staring at the drawing in wonder.
Even upside down I can see it's a perfect rendering. Winding through the pencil sketch is the river from the bottom of the chasm, calmer, mirror-like to the left and rushing white rapids to the right where the water flows dangerously around the rocks that rise out of it. A narrow path snakes its way down the stone walls our home is carved out of to the rocks we sat on during our first kiss.
"How?" is all he can manage.
"I talked to an artist in Amity and explained the chasm to him the best I could remember, and he drew that for you. I wanted to give you a reminder of our first kiss," I say. He is silent, staring at the piece of art in his lap. "Do you like it?" I ask apprehensively.
"Are you kidding me? This is the absolute best, most thoughtful gift anyone has ever given to me in my entire life." He sets the drawing gently aside then pulls me close to him, and we hold tight to one another. "Thank you, Tris. You are amazing. I love you so much."
"I love you, too, Tobias," I say. "There was one more present I was planning but I got sick and had to cancel it too."
"What is it," he says, unable to hide his curiosity.
"It was going to be a surprise. Are you sure you want to know?" He looks at me, his eyes alight with mischief and curiosity.
"I need to know. I hate surprises," he says, an exaggerated despairing look on his face.
"All surprises? Because I have a couple things going through my mind that might or might not involve a pair of high heel shoes and a white tux shirt but if you don't like surprises I'll just forget it." He laughs heartily.
"Maybe I'll come to love surprises ... maybe! Tell me," he says.
"Okay. Christina and Tori were going to give me another tattoo. Right here," I say placing my right hand over my heart. "Another raven, your raven. That way you will always be in my heart, literally and symbolically." His mouth lands on mine, and he kisses me enthusiastically. He pulls away breathless after a while, his eyes glazed over with desire. He puts his head against my forehead, and we let our breathing return to normal.
"I'm sorry. I got a bit carried away there."
"I'm not complaining," I say. I get off of his lap and we stand. He helps me onto the couch and we lounge, watching the dancing lights on the Christmas tree and talking casually until its lunchtime. He fixes us leftover chicken noodle soup he made last night but I don't mind. It's really good. I would like it if he fixed this even when I was 100% healthy. After lunch he finds the perfect spot in the apartment and puts up the print I got him. He hangs it on the right side of the door above the console table that holds our keys, mail, and phone chargers. It's the perfect addition to our home.
We spend the afternoon back on the couch in each other's arms listening to a light rock station that plays mostly love songs. I try to stop myself but soon I doze off. When I wake up, I'm lying back against his chest, our arms and legs a tangled mess. He's absent-mindedly playing with a piece of my hair. He somehow managed to cover us up with the fuzzy throw. I must have moved or made some sort of a noise because he now realizes I'm awake.
"Do you want to go to supper in the cafeteria?" he asks, still playing with my hair.
"Yes, I would. Do we have time?" I have no idea how long I've been asleep. I don't want to admit it but the flu has taken more out of me than I thought because I'd really like nothing more right now than to just go back to sleep but I'll never tell him that.
"Of course. I'll take you upstairs, and you can take a shower then get ready while I shower. I'll push you down in the wheelchair."
"Should I wear my new dress?" I ask him, a yawn escaping. "Would you like that?"
"You could wear the oldest rattiest thing you have, and I would still love it on you," he says, gently pushing me away from him so he can move. He carries me up to the bathroom, and I shower quickly. I wrap my hair and body in towels then call out for Tobias, and he helps me into the bedroom. Laying on the bed is my new dress, boots, and my strapless lingerie set. I can't imagine how he knew that's what I would need to wear, maybe Christina. I would have loved to hear that conversation. "Will you be okay if I take a shower now?" I nod to him. When I hear the bathroom door shut, I let the towel wrapped around my body fall to the floor. I put on my bra and underwear set then slide into the dress. It zips up the side so I can actually get in and out of this one by myself. I sit on the edge of the bed and lace up the boots. I've never had a pair of boots on like this before, and I think this is the most nerve‑racking part of this outfit. When I have everything on, I retrieve my crutches from the side of the bed and hobble to the mirror. The dress fits perfectly and actually looks really good. Yes, it shows more skin than I'm used to showing but it isn't inappropriate by my standards, and I don't feel uncomfortable. The dress ends less than an inch before the boots begin. I love the boots. They're sexy, flirty, young, and fun. They make me feel different, more confident. They could easily become my new favorite pair of shoes.
I towel off my hair while I'm carefully standing on one leg in front of the mirror. I see Tobias come into the bedroom, a towel wrapped low around his hips, and desire hits me in the pit of my stomach. He doesn't realize I'm studying him in the mirror. He drops his towel, and I take in the site of his perfect bare body across the room. I would love nothing more right now than to run to him, push him down on the bed, and let my hands and mouth leisurely love him. The desire is now pulsing through my veins like a drug, and I look toward the floor to try and clear my head. When I glance back up I meet his eyes in the mirror. He's looking me up and down with a predatory stare. If we aren't careful we won't be leaving this bedroom tonight, which I really wouldn't mind.
I go to the bathroom to give us some space and do my hair. I look in the mirror for a long moment taking in the changes then take out the makeup that Christina has made me buy over the past few months. This isn't my usual everyday makeup. I get a tube of lip stain out and realize it's the exact same shade of dark crimson that's in the dress and apply it to my lips. My nails are bare so I take a minute to paint them the same red color. It has a special agent in it that makes them dry almost instantly but I wave them in the air for a minute making sure that they don't smear. Christina will be so proud that I've done my own nails for once. I put on the black eyeliner that she bought me during initiation and line my eyes expertly. This gets easier on a daily basis. Then I apply black mascara to my curled eyelashes. I look at the various shades of blush trying to figure out which one works the best when I realize Tobias is leaning up against the doorjamb watching me.
"You are sexy as hell," he says, eyeing me once again. A blush comes over me and gives my cheeks the exact color I was just searching for.
Without meeting his eyes I say, "If you are actually wanting to leave this apartment tonight, you need to stop looking at me like that." Just then a loud knock sounds throughout the apartment.
"Saved by the knock," he says snickering to himself. But instead of heading downstairs, he comes up behind me, wraps his arms around me, placing his hands on my breasts, and kisses my neck before letting me go and jogging down the stairs. My heart is now hammering in my chest. He is such a tease.
I try to ignore the voices coming from downstairs and drag the hairdryer out of the linen closet. I put some spray gel in my damp locks and comb it through. I dry my hair for a little bit to get the majority of the wetness out then put the special tool on that Christina gave me to style my hair. I run it through a few times, styling as I go then spray my hair with hairspray. I grab my crutches and carefully walk down the stairs. When I get to the bottom Will and Christina are sitting on the loveseat talking with Tobias who's lounging on the couch. When I get to the bottom of the stairs and step out of the shadow of the Christmas tree all eyes are on me. Tobias has an exceptionally naughty look on his face, and Christina and Will's mouths are hanging open. I blush crimson again, putting the right color in my cheeks. The Four mask smooth's over Tobias' face as Christina looks his way.
"To tell you the truth, I didn't think I would ever see you in this outfit, Tris. You look hot!" she says.
"Thanks. Actually, I love it!" I say unable to hide my sincerity. "Merry Christmas!"
"Merry Christmas!" Will and Christina say in unison then Christina continues. "We thought we would stop by and say hi but since you two are going to supper, Four invited us to walk down with you." He looks at me and wags his eyebrows. He's going to be in so much trouble when we get home.