It's the night before Harry and Ginny are due home. I'm lying in Draco's bed. He is lying on his side his arm draped over my stomach and his breath tickling my cheek. I'm staring at the ceiling thinking about our relationship, for want of a better word.
Things had changed recently and I feel myself being dragged into a real relationship with him without my consent. A couple of times this week I had found myself waking up in his bed in the morning wrapped up in his arms. I had also noticed he had started to kiss my cheek when he was saying hello and goodbye. Things are changing and I need to decide whether I should end things now or just dive into the deep end. I'm petrified that I'm leaning towards just giving things a go.
Men who got close to me tend to get hurt. It's stupid to think this way but I do. First there was Ron who everyone thought I drove to a drinking problem. Then there was Viktor. Viktor who's heart I'd unintentionally broken for selfish reasons.
I shift myself so I can see Draco's face. He looks peaceful in sleep. I take in his features, he really is handsome. I tentatively take my hand and run my finger tips from his cheek to his chin. He subconsciously turns his head into my touch still asleep. I grow bolder and run my hand through his hair. My hand moves back down tracing the contours of his face and lips.
My fingers travel down his neck and down his left arm to his hand. Then it hits me. How have I forgotten? How have I never thought to look before now? I look him at once more making sure he is still asleep. Then I turn over his arm and run my fingers over where us dark mark should have been. I can't see anything I strain my eyes in the dim moonlight trying to see if there is any trace left.
"It started to fade as soon as he died." Draco shocks me out of my thoughts.
"I... I'm sorry." I stumble out looking up at him.
"It's ok Hermione." He smiles stroking my cheek. "I'll admit I checked your arm too."
"I found a witch in Spain who helped it fade." I look down at my own arm. "Sometimes it itches. I think I'm imagining it though."
"I know what you mean." We don't speak for a moment both of us thinking about our would be scars.
"I'm sorry I woke you." I say trying to break the silence.
"Like I could sleep with you touching me up like that Granger." He laughs.
"You were awake the whole time?" He answers with a nod and a chuckle. I playfully push his shoulder.
He grabs my hand kissing my knuckles before he pushes me onto my back. Pining my arms either side of my head as he climbs over me. He kisses me gently and my heart begins to pound with anticipation. It's a soft kiss coaxing me to give more. His kisses move along my jawline and down my neck. I sigh in pleasure as he gently nips along my collar bone.
I push my hips up to him, feeling him hard and ready, silently begging for more. His head dips to my breast and he lavishes attention to them, my hands still pinned to the bed. I find myself arching into him wanting more. He kisses me again and I can feel that this time is different from the rest. Something has changed.
He pulls away and I look at him. His eyes capture me and I can't look away. Then he's pushing inside me and I'm letting out a groan. He moves slowly pressing kisses over me.
Finally he lets my hands free and I let them roam over him pulling him closer. He shifts us so I'm sitting in his lap legs wrapped around him. Again I'm captured by his eyes as he moves us. His arms are wrapped around me and my hands are in his hair. I can't take the intensity anymore and I break eye contact kissing him.
I'm getting close and I can tell he is too his pace quickens. He slips a hand between us and helps me climax around him. He follows shortly after biting my lip as he finds his end.
We hold each other for a moment catching our breath. Draco placing more kisses on my exposed skin. I turn his head and capture his lips again. I kiss him like it's the last time because I'm almost certain in my post bliss haze it has to be.
I sigh as I lay my head on his shoulder sleep taking over me. He moves us so were lying back on the bed and wraps his arms around me. Too tired to stop him I just lay in his arms and let sleep take me.
As I'm falling deeper into sleep I hear his confession. I'm certain he says it because he thinks I'm already asleep. "I love you." But before I can fully process it I've sunk into sleep.
I wake in Draco's bed, alone. I breathe a sigh of relief that I have these moments to sort myself out. Think things through. Draco's confession comes back into my mind and I groan. How am I going to handle this? There is no doubt in my mind that last night wasn't just sex, we'd made love.
I shower and get myself dressed hoping the whole while that Draco is out. I can't hear anyone else and I hope my luck is in.
It isn't. As I walk down the stairs I hear him in the kitchen. I walk nervously towards him pulling the sleeves of my jumper over my hands and biting my lip. This is best for both of us.
He hears me as I walk in and he turns and smiles. It's a beautiful smile one that almost takes my breath away. I can do this, I tell myself.
"Hey." He says walking up to me. He gently cups my face and kisses me. I briefly kiss him back savoring that contact. The kiss tells me exactly what I feared. Last night was more than sex. I pull back. He mustn't pick up on my tension as he moves back over to where he was making his tea. "You want one?"
"No thanks." I say. I take a deep breath. "I think we should talk Draco." I watch him he doesn't flinch.
"About what?" His back still facing me. I can't look any more.
"Us." I almost whisper. I feel rather than see him tense. He doesn't say anything. "We should end this now while we can." It comes out in a rush. "Ginny and Harry are home today and it would be easier for, for this to end before they get back don't you think?"
He stays silent for what seems like forever and I eventually drag my eyes from the floor to him. His back his still facing me but his head is tilted looking at the ceiling. "Why?"
"We both knew this wasn't going to last forever. We said it was just a temporary thing." I'm playing with a loose thread at the end of my jumper. "We shouldn't leave it any longer, it will just get harder."
"Why would it get harder?" He turned to look at me then and I can see the anger in his eyes. "Surely it would only get harder if you were starting to or already have feelings for me."
"I said this would happen." I sigh and drag my eyes back to my hands.
"Yes you did." I look up through my eyelashes and he's leaning against the counter his arms crossed over his chest. "I just want to know what the problem is Hermione. Why you are so averse to having feelings for me? Why your so against a relationship. I know it's not our past, I know your over that. Just explain it to me."
How do I explain that I'm petrified of hurting us both? How it scares me how I feel about him. That the men I fall for I end up hurting. I swallow the lump in my throat but I can't speak. I'm chewing on my lip. I didn't realize he had moved until he was in front of me and his thumb is pulling in my lip so it's free of my teeth.
"I don't know why you're so scared." His hand moves to cup my cheek. "I'm scared too." I look up at him then. "Just give us a try Hermione. Who knows we could be as good outside the sheets as we are in." He smiles at me.
I'm silent. A battle starts inside me. How I want to take him up on his offer, throw myself into a relationship with him. Then there was the other side of me who wanted to stay away from relationships and the hurt that came along with them.
He takes advantage of my silence and kisses me and I kiss him back like I always do. He puts his feelings into the kiss and I know we could be good together if I let my guard down.
"Please." He breathes against my lips.
"I... I can't." I can't take the pain when it all falls apart later on. This is what it boils down to, I'm saving us both the pain.
"Don't do this Hermione." His forehead touches mine his eyes boring into mine. "You heard me last night didn't you? This is what this is about."
I tear my eyes away from his and look at the floor again. This gives him his answer.
"Fuck." He says and moves away from me. "I don't know what your problem is Hermione. I don't know why you don't want to be happy." He looks at me then eyes full of hurt. "But I do love you." My heart goes into overdrive. I shake my head. "I don't know why that's such a terrible thing to you. But I'll tell you something now," He moves closer to me again. "I'm not going to stop trying to change your mind. I'll leave you alone for now but I will not stop fighting for you."
"Draco, I..." I don't know what to say. He cuts me off pressing his lips to mine.
His hands move to my face one cupping my cheek the other at the back of my neck. My mouth opens for him and my hands are at his back pulling him closer. His tongue dancing with mine. He reluctantly breaks away. "One kiss till next time." He whispers before he places a soft kiss to my lips one last time.
My eyes still closed I hear him move away and I feel the tears run down my face. I don't know how long I'm just stood there for but after a while I hear voices coming from the living room and realize that Ginny and Harry are home. I quickly wipe my eyes with my sleeve and move to the kettle. Pretending to look busy.
Ginny comes barreling into the kitchen then. "Hermione, what's wrong?"
I look at her and smile. "Nothing, I'm just so glad your back. I've missed you." I bring her into a hug.
"Whoa Hermione. I still need to breathe you know." She laughs.
"Sorry." I mumble loosening my grip. "Let's have a tea and you can tell me all about your honeymoon?"
"Ok. Are you sure you're ok Hermione?" I can see the worry in her eyes.
"I'm fine Ginny." I smile.
It doesn't take long for me to convince her everything is fine and before I know it she's fully into her honeymoon story. I don't have to take part too much I just have to prompt every now and again, and that is exactly what I need right now.