"Come in, come in," my mom pleasantly says to Tobias and me, stepping to the side to let us in out of the frigid weather. "It sure is cold out there. Here let me take your coats." We both shrug out of our heavy black leather jackets and hand them to my mother. She hangs them up in the small coat closet situated by the front door, and I once again take Tobias' hand. He grips my hand like a vice when he looks into the small closet. This is the first time I've seen an Abnegation closet since going through his fear landscape, and I note that it is particularly small. I can't imagine being locked up in one day after day for hours on end. My mom leads us into the family room and offers us a place to sit and refreshments. We decline the food but take the hot coffee. We sit side-by-side on the plain light gray couch. She has a fire going in the stone fireplace, strictly for warmth, but it gives the unadorned room a coziness to it.
"Mom, this is my boyfriend, Four. You met on visitation day," I say to my mother, motioning to Tobias with my hand.
"Of course, I remember," she says. "It's nice to see you again, Four." My dad must have told her about us because there is absolutely no surprise in her eyes upon hearing I have a boyfriend.
"Mrs. Prior," Tobias says bowing his head to her, a custom left over from his Abnegation upbringing. "I would like to say this is a social call but it's not."
"Please, call me Natalie, Four. What can I do for Dauntless?" my mom says, her hand landing on her chest and concern crossing her face. Tobias and I look toward one another. He nods to me, indicating I should continue.
"I'm not exactly sure where to start," I say, still looking toward Tobias. I slowly drag my eyes away from his, they are just too easy to get lost in, and look toward my mother. Pain spasms through my heart as I realize just how much I've missed her. "We have a problem in Dauntless. Someone is killing ... people. We have a pretty good idea that the people who are being targeted are Divergent but we can't be 100% certain without total strangers entrusting their leaders with their most private and most dangerous secret. Shortly after taking over leadership, Four found two sets of names hidden on our old leader's computer, very well hidden lists. The first list of names is the list that has been targeted, and my name is on that list." She gasps and the color starts to drain from her face.
"I'm sorry to hear about your troubles, but what can I do to help you?" she asks, when she regains her composure.
"There's more, Mom. I know you were born in Dauntless. I got that impression the day you visited me. You knew your way around the compound so much better than I did, and you knew how the simulations worked. You told me to be careful. I just assumed you'd been born there. Three weeks ago, I got into an accident. I twisted my ankle trying to get out of the way of a couple children on the path and fell. If a Good Samaritan hadn't pulled me back up onto the path I don't know if I would be sitting here right now." Tobias squeezes my hand again. Neither one of us likes thinking about losing the other. "When that man pulled me to safety, I thought I was seeing things. He reminded me so much of Caleb that I couldn't, no I wouldn't believe it. During my recuperation at home, I convinced myself that what I saw just wasn't possible and my eyes were playing tricks on me. Then a little over a week ago, I saw him again in the cafeteria with his family. I think you might know who I'm talking about," I say, prompting my mom to speak.
"Nathan," she says with a whisper. "Nathan, Dru, and Cam?" Cam? She knows about Cameron?
"One of the reasons we came here was to talk about Cameron but no, Callen is who was with Nathan and Dru," I say.
"Callen? I'm afraid he must have been born after I left. This is the first time I'm hearing his name. What about Cameron?" My mom has no color left in her face, and I'm afraid she would collapse right out of her chair and onto the bare wooden floor if she weren't holding on to herself so tightly. I look at Tobias for help. I didn't realize she would know who Cameron was.
"Like Tris said, we've had some assaults and deaths at Dauntless of suspected Divergents. DNA has been collected from several different victims, myself included," he says, indicating his jaw, "and we've come up with three separate profiles. My best friend's mother was assaulted and is lucky to be alive. She saw her assailants and helped us out by providing sketches of them. After looking at surveillance footage, we found one of her attackers on film." He stops and takes a deep breath then winces because of his broken rib. I put my hand on his, and I notice my mom looking at our hands. I continue for him not moving my hand.
"After looking at the drawings, another of our leaders, her name is Tori, didn't recognize either of their likenesses. The problem with that is Tori has worked in the tattoo parlor ever since her initiation and knows almost every single person in Dauntless. That made me think, what if it wasn't active members of Dauntless who are doing this? I was right. I found one of Hana's attackers ... Cameron. He left Dauntless for Erudite when he was 16."
"We also have one attacker in our morgue and another in the infirmary. Hey attacked me last night," Tobias continues. "By the way, my name is also on the list that Tris' name is on. We are both in grave danger if we can't figure this out and do it soon."
"What can I do," my mom says, sounding more Dauntless than Abnegation.
"Tell me about your upbringing. Tell me what you know about Nathan and Dru. Could they somehow be involved in this? We suspect there are insiders letting either factionless or other factions into our compound and supplying them with information, but we don't have a clue as to who it might be or where to start looking. It's extremely frustrating. Cameron is our only solid lead," I say with a sigh. My mom is very quiet, thinking about her childhood I imagine.
I let my eyes wander around the room taking in my familiar surroundings. The old plain dark gray couch I would sit quietly on for hours trying to lose myself while knitting. The fireplace Caleb and I would lie in front of on cold winter mornings before our parents got up and play games, before we got too old and that was discouraged. The worn chair with the frayed fabric on the left arm my dad would sit in listening to Caleb and I tell stories about our day. The tattered recliner where my mom would just sit and contemplate her next selfless act. I wonder if envisioning your next selfless act could be considered selfish. Probably not.
"My upbringing," she sighs. Her eyes glaze over like she's actually in a different place and time. "My father, Henry, was a hard man to please. He complained about everything, it didn't matter how little or how big. He worked hard, played hard, and drank hard. He was the very definition of Dauntless, reckless and foolish. He died young. Nathan was nine and I was only seven. Sadly, he didn't have much love for us.
"My mother, Grace, was the most caring and compassionate woman I've ever known. She loved Nathan and me more than anything else in this world. She did the best she could with us before and after Dad died. Leaving her behind is the hardest thing I've ever done in my entire life. Although I tried to hide it, she saw it coming. I fell in love with your father in upper levels, and when we decided together to join Abnegation, I never looked back. I thought it was best for everyone.
"Nathan and I were very close until Dad died, then he shut himself off from everyone, and he stopped doing anything he liked. He threw himself into being the best Dauntless he could be, and he wasn't even a teenager yet. He taught himself how to fight and handle weapons by watching others. As a matter of fact, in my memory, that's what Nathan did best, wait and watch. He was calculating, sneaky. I didn't like the friends he made, Asher and Zander Parrish and Miles Randolph. They were trouble. I loved Nathan but I didn't trust him. I had no problem leaving him behind."
"Was divergence ever mentioned in your home, Mrs. Prior? Something that would give Nathan a reason to hate us or to pass a grudge onto his son," Tobias says, finally relaxing back into the couch. My mom stays quiet for a time, contemplating.
"Please, Four. I would like you to call me Natalie," she says. He looks like a bashful puppy who just got scolded by its owner for the first time. "Divergence was a hot topic in our home as it was in all of Dauntless. My father mistrusted anyone, or anything for that matter, that he did not understand and that was most people and most things. Divergence is something that was and still is widely misunderstood." She takes a deep breath then looks Tobias in the eye. "You see, just like Beatrice here, I am Divergent and so was my mother. I didn't know I was until my aptitude test, like so many other Divergents. The night of the test, my mother pulled me aside and made me tell her my results, Dauntless and Erudite, and told me she suspected as much because she saw in me what she already knew about herself. That's how I recognized it so easily with you, Beatrice. I don't know if my father knew about my mother and me or not, but I'm sure that Nathan didn't." I can't answer. I'm in total shock. Not only am I Divergent, but so are my mother and my grandmother. I have so many questions to ask but nothing will come out of my mouth.
"Mrs. Sorry. Natalie? Is there a possibility that your brother is Divergent?" Tobias says, asking one question I want answered also.
"I'm sure he isn't. I don't remember him having any of the Divergent characteristics."
"How come you never told me you were Dauntless and Dad was Erudite and I had family out there? I know it's faction before blood but it would have been nice to know. When I saw a man who looked the spitting image of my brother and I suspected you lived there at one point, all sort of crazy things went through my head." She just smiles at me.
"It's selfish to talk about one's self, Beatrice. You know that," she gently scolds. I sigh again. Suddenly I feel like I'm five years old again.
"I'm sorry, Mom. It was such a shock. Wait? Dauntless and Erudite not Abnegation?" I say, finally picking up on her aptitude test results.
"Yes. I find Abnegation easy to fit in with but I don't have the aptitude for it."
"So, since I have the aptitude for Abnegation, why do I find it so hard being selfless?" I ask. Finding out my mother, my perfect selfless mother, doesn't even have the aptitude for my original faction makes me feel that much worse about myself.
"That's easy, honey. You are 90% Dauntless. I've seen that since you were a toddler. You have always been fearless and brave. I knew you would leave us and become Dauntless. Your father didn't see what I saw and he was..." she gets cut off.
"Hurt and angry when you chose Dauntless over Abnegation, but has gotten over it," my dad says, a smile on his face, standing in the doorway to the family room. Tobias and I jump up, dropping our hands to our side. I see my mom grin out of the corner of my eye.
"Dad," I say, "we came to talk to Mom about her brother. It's nice to see you."
"Are you feeling better, Beatrice? Your colleague, Tori was it, said you had an accident. You look well."
"I'm much better, thank you. I just got off of the crutches today and had the splint on my left hand removed. The doctor wouldn't let me work while I was recuperating that's why I had to miss the last leader's meeting."
"Please, sit back down. What's this about Nathan?" my dad asks, knocking me off balance, at least mentally. There's so much I don't know about my own life, and I'm finding it extremely frustrating. Tobias and I tell my dad the same story we just relayed to my mother, and he listens carefully.
"What can you tell me about Dru?" I ask my mother, having forgotten about my aunt up until now.
"Ah, Drusilla," my mom says pausing. I can tell she's trying to keep her Abnegation ways and tell me what she knows without being considered selfish. "Dru was a year older than me and married Nathan immediately after initiation was over. Cameron was born within the year. He was such a cute baby. I never got along with Dru. I found her to be a lot like my brother and his friends Asher, Zander, and Miles. I never trusted her either." The look on my dad's face censors my mom a little but she holds her head high. "Andrew we aren't gossiping here. I am telling Beatrice and Four my opinions of people who may or may not be involved in some shady dealings at Dauntless."
"You're right, Natalie. I'm sorry," he says. This is the first time in my life I've ever seen an exchange like this between them, and my mouth falls open. Tobias nudges me, and I quickly regain my composure.
"There is one more thing about Dru but I can't give you specifics because I don't know any. Something happened in her life that caused scarring on her back and legs. I saw them once just after Cameron was born. She doesn't know that I know," Mom says.
"Dad?" I ask and he looks my way. I almost lose my nerve but continue. "If you don't want to answer this, I'll understand. You think talking about yourself is selfish. Did you leave anyone behind at Erudite?" I really want to know where I came from. I could have just as easily chosen Erudite.
"Ah, Beatrice. You know I'm not fond of Erudite, right."
"I'm not asking you to tell me about your upbringing, just about people you left behind. I would like to know. It was shocking to look up into a total stranger's face and see my mother's eyes staring back at me. I didn't like that feeling, and I really don't want it repeated."
"Okay, Beatrice. I will tell you. I left behind my mother, Beatrice; my father, Caleb; two older brothers, Aaron and Adam; and twin younger sisters, Anna and April, at Erudite. One older brother, Alex, chose Amity the year before I came to Abnegation." Wow, my dad had a huge family, and we have twins in it. That's good to know. That was on the questionnaire I filled out at the clinic. "I've run into all my siblings from time to time since I'm on the council, and I've been told of numerous nieces and nephews whose names I'm afraid I can't remember."
"What was your aptitude test result? Mom just told me she doesn't even have Abnegation. I'm just trying to wrap my head around all this," I say.
"Erudite," he says after many minutes of silence. "That is the last question I'm going to answer about myself, Beatrice."
"Please, one more question, for both of you," I say, looking at both of them in turn. They sit stoic staring back at me. "Caleb and I are named after our grandparents aren't we?" They look at one another and smile at that question.
"It was our way of remembering where we came from and the family we left behind," my dad says. Tobias is looking at me strangely.
"My full name is Beatrice Grace and Caleb's middle name is Henry," I say to him and he nods his head at me in understanding. "Dad, do you remember looking at the sketches Tori brought with her to the leader's meeting?"
"Yes. Neither of them looked familiar to me I'm afraid." I pull Cameron's sketch out of my pocket and hand it to him. "This is Cameron. Now that you know who he is, does he look familiar to you?" He studies the picture for a long moment then shakes his head. He hands it back to me, and I hand it to my mother. She gasps and raises her hand to her mouth, tears welling up in her eyes.
"Are you sure this is Cameron?" she asks, obviously not wanting to believe it. I nod my head, telling her I'm sure. "I've seen him here ... here in Abnegation. Let me try to think where." Does this have something to do with Erudite's vendetta against Abnegation also? I'm glad we came. I look toward Tobias, and he is leaning forward on the edge of the couch like he's ready to spring into action at any moment. I put my hand on his back, and he relaxes a little but doesn't sit back. He puts his hand on my knee, and I lean into him, needing his strength flowing through me right now. "I can't remember where it was, but it was recently. He was dressed in Abnegation gray. I knew he looked familiar to me but I didn't give him a second thought because I know so many people because of your father's seat on the council. What does this mean?" We all look at one another not saying a word. Silence fills the room until it's deafening.
"Can I have that drawing?" my dad asks.
"I'm afraid it's the only copy we have, Andrew. To protect Hana, the woman who supplied us with the eye witness identification, we've only allowed the one copy of the attackers. We didn't want someone catching wind of the fact she was talking and have them try to silence her. I couldn't take that. She's been like a mother to Tris and me at Dauntless." My mom sits smiling, Abnegation as ever, not letting the news that another woman is mothering her daughter cause her any visible pain. "I'll make a copy of the sketches we have, the photo of Cameron from the security footage, and photos of the men who attacked me last night and bring them to you personally on Monday. I'll also bring a copy of everything we have so far, which I'm afraid to admit isn't much. Identifying him has been our best lead so far," Tobias says pointing to the sketch of Cameron. A knock on the door startles all of us, and by the look on my dad's face, I can tell that it's Marcus.
"I'm sorry kids but if you aren't wanting to see Four's father may I suggest you go out the backdoor. I wouldn't have invited him had I known you would be here, Tobi ... Four." We all get up. I give my dad a quick hug, and he and Tobias shake hands. My mom ushers us out the backdoor after she retrieves our coats from the small front hall closet as my dad goes to the front door to greet Marcus.
"Beatrice, may I speak to you for a moment? Is that alright, Tobias? I'm so sorry, Four?"
"I'll heat the car up, Tris. Thank you for the hospitality, Mrs.," he stops when my mom frowns at him. "Natalie." She holds her hand out to him, and he shakes it then goes around the front of the house leaving me with my mother. She grabs me up in her arms and pats my hair.
"Oh, my baby. I've missed you terribly." She gently releases me from the hug and puts her hands on my cheeks and looks me deep in the eyes. "You've grown up so much in such a short amount of time. I love your hair. It's definitely Dauntless. You don't really look like my Beatrice anymore. You don't mind me calling you that do you?"
"Actually Mom, I prefer it when you and Dad call me Beatrice. It sounds odd to have you two call me Tris, and I like to be reminded from time to time of who I was, where I came from."
"I would like to know just how serious you are about Tobias," she says, her tone soft but stern.
"Four please, Mom. He doesn't want to be called Tobias, especially here in the middle of Abnegation. He never thought he would have to come back here. This has been extremely difficult for him." I stop and look at my mom and try to determine how much I'm willing to tell her. I might as well tell her the truth. "I'm in love with him, Mom. It's very serious."
"I can see you love him, and I'm not blind to the fact that he loves you too but you are both so young. It worries me. Are you two being careful?" she asks.
"We're being as careful as we can, Mom. Unfortunately, we never know when these maniacs are going to strike. I was just hyperaware last night for some reason and realized that something was going on. I'm glad I was, or Four could have been killed," I say. She has a polite smile on her face, but her eyes are dancing. Did I miss something?
"Honey. I'm glad you are being vigilant about your surroundings when you are out and about in Dauntless but that isn't what I'm asking. Are you and Tobias being careful and protecting yourselves?" What? Am I hearing my mom correctly? Is she asking me about sex? Although it's barely 20 degrees outside, I start to sweat. She's asking me if we use birth control.
"Mom," I croak but I can't force anything else out. I'm forever mute from this day forward I'm afraid.
"Oh, my baby. The rules I had to abide by during your upbringing didn't allow me to tell you everything I wanted to, everything you need to know. Let me tell you this now, Beatrice Grace Prior. There is so much more to sex than just the procreation of children like I told you. It's a way two people who are truly in love and committed to one another show that love. Sex should never be taken lightly or taken for granted. Although your relationship should never be based on sex, don't forget it's a vitally important part. Don't ever use sex as a weapon or withhold it just because you're angry or spiteful but don't give in just because you think it's your duty, sex should never be a duty." She takes a step closer to me, and I now find myself not only speechless but also frozen to the ground although I could swear it's 100 degrees outside right now. "Sex is about emotions not just physical gratification. It can change you here and here." She points at my heart and my head. "It can change a relationship and not always for the better. Keep a line of communication open and don't be afraid to talk with Tobias. Communication is of the utmost important, Beatrice. If he does something you don't want him to, you need to tell him. Just like you need to not be afraid to tell him what you want. I look like I'm scaring you right now. That wasn't my intention. I just want you to take good care of yourself." She wraps her arms around me, and my frozen body slowly starts to thaw.
"We're being careful, and we're protected, Mom. You don't need to worry," I say to her, bashfully, finally finding my voice. She lets me go, and I look toward the ground before I continue. "Thank you for that. I have to admit I was angry when I realized there was so much you left out. I thought our relationship wasn't as strong as I always thought it was. I'm glad you proved me wrong tonight even though the subject still makes me uncomfortable." I throw myself in her arms, and she holds me for a moment.
"I love you my girl, my special, special girl" she says before letting me go. "You better get going, it's a long drive back to Dauntless, especially in the dark. Be careful."
"We will. I love you, Mom. Four and I will come back sometime soon for a visit and not to interrogate you." She laughs. "Bye." I wave at her then run to the car and let myself in. He has the heater running full blast warming up the car, and I immediately lower the temperature after I slide into the passenger seat. I don't say anything letting everything my mom said sink in.
"You were with your mom for a long time. Is everything alright?" he asks, concern in his voice. I look over at him and am thankful that it's dark in the car except for the dim blue light emitting from the dashboard but a blush colors my face anyway.
"My mom just gave me a sex talk," I say having to push the words out.