The alarm jolts me awake, and I reach over and hit the snooze button. I look around confused. How in the world did I get on Tobias' side of the bed? I hear him groan beside me but he doesn't move. Our conversation after his nightmare and our trek to the fear landscape room in the middle of the night exhausted us both. I lie on my back staring at the ceiling remembering every detail of my newest fear. Tears start swimming in my eyes when I think of having to give my perfect little girl to that horrible woman. I rub my eyes with the heels of my hands trying to erase the memory.
"Are you okay?" Tobias asks, looking at me from my side of the bed.
"Why are we on each other's side of the bed?" I ask, not ready to talk about my fear landscape yet.
"It took everything I had to get us back to the apartment," he says with a sigh. "Don't you remember? I'm surprised we aren't on the couch to tell you the truth. You were a mess, Tris, and I wasn't much better." I take a deep breath and look into his worried eyes.
"No, Tobias," I slowly whisper. "I don't ever want to experience something like that in real life. It would destroy me." He gathers me up in his arms and holds me. We don't speak for a while.
"We'll tell Evelyn we can't take the baby," he says. I pull back and look into his eyes.
"We haven't made our decision yet, Tobias, and after seeing her ... holding her ... knowing how much I'm going to love her ... I'm not sure I can give her up," I say.
"It was just a simulation, Tris," he says softly, worry in his eyes again. "She wasn't real, as beautiful as she was. I won't ever put you through something like that. We don't have to adopt my sister. We'll wait a few years and have our own baby."
"How did we get on opposite sides of this?" I ask, propping myself up on one elbow. "I think before we make a decision we should talk with a lawyer and see what our rights would be as adoptive parents. I think that's the responsible thing to do. We should know all the facts. If Evelyn has the right to come back at any time and just take her, then no, I can't have that possibility hanging over my head even if it might never happen. Am I making any sense?"
"Yes. Let's ask Christina if she knows any lawyers who deal with adoptions or family law," he says. He raises his lips to mine just as the alarm goes off again.
"Go take a shower," I say, moving my mouth away from his and turning off the alarm. I get up and pick out an outfit for work and lie it across the bed then go into the bathroom when Tobias comes out. The first thing I do is check my new tattoo. I peel back the bandage and smile at my newest addition. After I shower, I put my hair back in a French braid, apply my makeup, and get dressed. I go downstairs and meet Tobias at the door, and we walk hand-in-hand to the cafeteria for a rare breakfast with our friends.
"Whoa, Tris," Uriah says. "What did you do to your hair?"
"Christina put some extensions in it for the masquerade ball," I say.
"It sure does look nice," Marlene says. Everyone else agrees.
"You look tired," Christina comments, before taking a bite of bacon.
"Four and I had a long night," I say quietly, and she immediately grins at me. "Not that way." I look around the table but no one is paying us special attention. "Christina, do you know a family lawyer at Candor?"
"It just so happens my mom is a lawyer, a good lawyer," she says. Then she adds in a whisper, "Is this about the baby?"
"Yes," I say, nodding my head. "Could you give me her number or maybe call and make an appointment for Four and me to meet with her. We need to know what are rights are."
"You're really going to do this?" she says, excitement clear on her face.
"It depends on what she has to say," I reply. "Why don't you come with us? Do you want to see you mother?"
"Isn't that against some rule?" she asks.
"We're trying to change those rules, and we might be able to proceed now that Marcus isn't on the council anymore," I say.
"Will told me all about that," she says. "What did Marcus say?" I look around again.
"He said that I must be a real wildcat in the sack while he was leering at me," I whisper to her, a blush rising. Her eyes almost pop out of her head.
"He's a creep on top of being a child abuser," she whispers back. He is so much more than both those things.
"I'm so thankful you know the whole truth about Four and me so I have someone to talk to when I need to and I don't have to lie to you or tell you half-truths," I say. "It was driving me a bit insane." We both laugh and finish our breakfast.
After our friends all leave for their jobs, Christina calls her mom and makes an appointment for this afternoon for Tobias and me to get the advice we need about adopting his sister. We are to meet Christina's mom in the lobby of Candor at 1:00 p.m. Tobias tells Will and Christina to stick around while he puts in a call to Jack Kang. He makes arrangements to interrogate Jason under truth serum at 2:30 p.m. Jack obliged Tobias' request since we were already going to be at Candor for a meeting, otherwise we would have had to wait until the end of next week. Tobias tells us that the four of us will be leaving the Dauntless compound and driving to Candor. A Dauntless guard will ride the train to retrieve the car and bring it back to Dauntless then two guards will escort Jason to Candor for his interrogation at 2:30.
For the rest of the morning, Tobias and Tori are locked up in his office assigning Faction Ambassadors to specific factions. The only two assignments I know for sure are Uriah to Erudite and Peter to Amity. I really want to be at this afternoon's ambassador meeting just to see Peter's face. Hopefully, it will wipe the imbedded smirk off of it.
Tobias asks me to have one of the Dauntless security guards deliver a note to Samaire Towne asking her to meet Tori, him, and me in his office at 9:00 a.m. tomorrow morning to go over her incident report from last week and, with Tori's help, make a composite drawing of the mystery man. I'm excited about this meeting. I'm hoping she can give us another missing piece to the puzzle.
I'm also excited for Jason's interrogation later today. Hopefully, he knows some useful information that will point us in the right direction. I get out my phone and scroll through my contacts and find Caleb's name. I hesitate, looking at his smiling face on the little screen before hitting the call icon. He picks up on the second ring. I tell him about Jason Grant's interrogation under truth serum at 2:30 this afternoon at Candor and invite him to attend as a representative of Erudite and the council. I think he should be there since his faction is involved and because Jason made implied threats against him and me. He agrees and I tell him to be in front of Candor by 2:15.
I have a hard time concentrating on the huge stack of inactive files on my desk in front of me. Every time I blink my eyes I see that perfect little girl with dark curls and blue eyes who looked like the spitting image of Tobias but even more beautiful, if that's possible, sitting on the floor in front of me playing with blocks. I sigh and once again rub the heels of my hands firmly, almost painfully, against my eyes trying to erase those false memories. The minute I handed her to Evelyn and they walked out the door, all my other reservations disappeared with her. I can't even explain how it felt. I don't want to feel those feelings ever again. This felt 100 times worse than when I thought Tobias was seeing someone else. I let out a groan.
"Is there something wrong?" Christina asks, walking into my office. I jump at the sound of her voice.
"God, you scared me," I say, trying to calm my now hammering heart. "What are you doing here? Do you need something?"
"You first. You don't look very well," she says. "Are you feeling sick again?"
"No, it isn't that. Please, sit down," I say, motioning to the couch by the wall. I get up and sit at the opposite end. "I went through my fear landscape again early this morning. I thought it would give me some insight into how I really feel about adopting the baby. I wasn't prepared for what I found." I take a few deep breaths and fight back the tears. "I still have six fears but having to shoot Four is no longer my greatest fear.
"After I shot myself, I found myself sitting in my living room on the couch right next to Four, and in front of us on the floor was the absolute most beautiful baby girl about 6 months old. She looked exactly like Four but ... softer, more feminine. She was surrounded by blocks, and she was laughing and playing. She was a happy baby. Four and I couldn't take our eyes off of her. We were so happy. Then his mother and the faceless father burst through the door with two armed Dauntless guards and had papers to take her away from us." Christina gasps as the tears that have formed in my eyes overflow, spilling down both cheeks. "I held on to her with all my might but Four told me I had to let her go but we would fight to get her back. It absolutely crushed me, Christina. I've never felt anything like that in my entire life. I could feel how much I loved her and how much I wanted her but if Evelyn can just waltz into our life at any time and say, 'Sorry, guys. I'm taking her back.' No, I can't go through that."
"I'm sorry, Tris," she says, scooting across the couch to take my hand. "Is that why you want to talk to my mother?"
"We want to know what our rights will be as adoptive parents," I say. "I'm afraid I don't trust Evelyn. She abandoned Four, and that's all I need to know about her. Do you need something? Are you okay?"
"It's been a long day getting ready for tomorrow night. I want it to be perfect," she says.
"Everything is going to be absolutely stunning but that isn't what's bothering you. I know you, Christina, just as well as you know me. Spill it," I say.
"My mom doesn't know I'm pregnant," she says with a sigh. "How do I tell her? I'm afraid she will be disappointed in me, and believe me she's as Candor as they come. She won't be afraid to tell me exactly what she thinks."
"Tell her the truth but let her know in as loving a way as possible that what you do with your life really isn't her business anymore. I had to do that with my dad when he found out about Four," I say. "Are you going to introduce her to Will?"
"Yes," she says. "I want her to know him. He and the baby are the best things to ever happen to me."
"I'm beginning to understand how you feel," I say. "I know without a doubt Four is the best person for me by far. We bring out the best in each other."
"That's how Will and I are. We complement each other so much," she says. "I can't imagine my life without him or without this little one." She puts her hands across her stomach as she talks about her baby.
"Tell your mom exactly what you just told me. She can't argue with that," I say. "Anyone can see how happy you are when you talk about Will and the baby."
"You don't know her," she says with a sigh. "She is extremely hard to please."
"I'm sorry she's like that," I say. Something pops into my mind and I smile. "You know, if we adopt Four's sister, we'll be raising them together. It's hard to imagine isn't it."
"Yes. I didn't think that putting my blood on those hot coals last July was going to lead to all this," she says. "I know it's only been a few short months, but it's been quite a journey."
"Yeah, it has," I say, nodding my head in agreement. "Hey, are you going to have any problems leaving Dauntless this afternoon?"
"No. I'm supposed to be putting the finishing touches on the auditorium today but everything's right on schedule for tomorrow night so I don't feel bad about taking a few hours out of my schedule to see my mom. It's too bad I can't see my little sister too. I miss her more than I miss my mom. She's the one I spent most of my time with at home ... Candor I mean."
"It will always feel like home to a part of you, don't you think? I know that how we are raised isn't supposed to mean anything to us after we choose a new faction but how can the faction we spend our formative years in not have a profound effect on us?" I say with a sigh.
"I'm glad others feel that way," she says. "I've been afraid I'm alone in my thinking." I know I'm thankful to hear the way I'm feeling doesn't have anything to do with my divergence. I imagine it's instilled in all transfers.
"Shall we head to lunch?" I ask. "We have to leave by 12:30 to be at Candor by 1:00."
"Sure," she says. I knock on Tobias' door and tell him Christina and I are heading to the cafeteria. He tells me he and Tori are almost finished with the ambassador assignments and that he will meet us in a few minutes. When we get to the cafeteria I fix myself a plate and talk to Christina about the final plans for the masquerade ball. Slowly our table fills up with our friends, and they join our conversation about tomorrow night's party. I'm happy the subject of Marcus has fallen away. After about 10 minutes, Tobias joins us for lunch. He fills his plate and quickly eats since we'll be leaving shortly. When we are all finished eating we excuse ourselves and head to the Pire to wait for Tobias to take us to Candor. When the sleek car smoothly pulls up to the curb, Will, Christina, and I get in.
"Are you ready to find out about adoption?" Tobias asks, smiling down at me. I take his free hand in mine and return his smile.
"Yes, I am. Let's go. We don't want to be late."