I feel Tobias tense behind me. I can tell he doesn't like the idea of me going under truth serum at all but I'm confident that because I'm Divergent the truth serum won't work on me. I don't know why, I just am. I've been aware under every simulation I've ever been placed in. There has to be a reason for that.
"Fine," Jack says. "Niles prepare another syringe. Tris is going to be placed under truth serum."
"Can I ask one thing of you, Jack," I say. "I would like the spectators to leave. I haven't done anything wrong, so I don't want the entire world knowing my secrets. If, after the interrogation is over, you determine I have in fact done something criminal, you can tell the entire city about me." He looks at me for a long moment before he says anything.
"You have a deal," he says. "You certainly have surprised me. You have guts." He walks away from me, and Tobias pulls me aside.
"What do you think you're doing?" he asks, worry on his beautiful face. I reach my hand up and try to wipe the anxiety away with a caress.
"Don't worry about me, Four," I say. "I'll be fine. I don't have anything to hide." He looks at me incredulously. He knows my secrets. He knows exactly what it is I have to hide. "What if they ask me about you? Are you ready for everyone to know your name?" He wraps me up in his arms and holds me close.
"You do whatever you need to do to keep yourself alive," he says with his lips pressed against my ear. I close my eyes, and everyone in this room disappears. Only Tobias and I remain. I remember every smile, every laugh. Every kiss, every glance. Every caress, every aching desire. I remember the feel of his body moving with mine, the feel of him inside me. When his lips meet mine, I kiss him hungrily, exploring his mouth with my tongue. We only part when we hear someone clear their throat. Jack and Niles are standing beside us. A blush colors my cheeks. I didn't mean to get carried away in a room full of virtual strangers.
"We've cleared the gallery like you've asked, Tris, except for your mother. She's staying at your father's request," Jack says. "I think it's best the council representatives stay."
"I want Four to stay," I say, not showing an ounce of the apprehension I'm feeling.
"Okay," Jack says. "Let's get this interrogation underway." I let Tobias' hand go. He surprises me by going over to the wooden bench to sit by my mother. I see her take his hand before I follow Jack and Niles to the center of the room and sit down in the chair that was just vacated by Asher Parrish, the reason I have to do this. Niles hands me an alcohol swab, and I tear into it and wipe off the left side of my neck. He picks up the syringe from inside the black box and moves it toward my neck but I stop him.
"May I give myself the injection?" I ask. He furrows his eyebrows at me. "I'd feel better about it."
"Do you know how?" he asks.
"I'm Dauntless," I say, returning his disbelieving look. "I've given myself injections before and others also." He nods at me and hands me the syringe. I can feel Tobias' stare on the back of my head. I wish I could look in his eyes right now. If this doesn't go the way I think it will, that kiss might be our last.
I tilt my head exposing the left side of my neck, insert the needle into the vein, and release the serum, and toss the syringe into the trashcan Jack holds in front of me. I feel its effects immediately. My blood feels like molasses running through my veins. I feel sluggish and overly tired. I slump into the chair. Seconds later my brain switches off completely. I know I was just thinking about something important but I don't have a clue as to what it was. I guess it doesn't matter now. Nothing matters except for this chair that's holding me up and the man who's standing in front of me. Oh, where did he come from? I don't remember him standing there a second ago. Who is he?
"What is your full name?" he asks.
"Beatrice Grace Prior," I say. Wait, why did I just say that? I go by Tris now, especially in front of perfect strangers. I look at him closely. He looks familiar but I can't quite place him.
"Do you go by Tris also?"
"Yes, I do," I say. "I prefer it." Whoa! Why did I just say that? Where did that come from? I've never thought that before, and why did I just tell this stranger that?
"Why did you change your name from Beatrice?" he asks. Jeez! Curious isn't he.
"Four told me I could have a new name when I jumped into Dauntless," I say. "So I thought, a new name for a new life. I became Tris in that moment." What's going on?
"How old are you, Tris?"
"16."
"What are your parents' names?" the strange man asks. Why does he want to know that? These questions are stupid.
"Andrew and Natalie Prior," I say grumpily. Confusion is rapidly spreading through my body, and I don't like feeling this way. I squirm in the chair a bit. Why is he asking me these questions, and why am I answering him so quickly?
"What are the full names of any siblings you have?"
"Caleb Henry Prior," I say before I even think about the answer. I don't think that's good.
"What faction were you born into, Tris?" he asks.
"Abnegation," I say with a sigh. I miss Abnegation. I wonder why this stranger is furrowing his eyebrows at me. He looks funny.
"What faction did you choose?" he asks.
"Dauntless," I say confidently. I study his face again and finally remember who he is, Niles. Why do I know Niles?
"What made you leave Abnegation, Tris?" Niles asks. I sit there. Why did I leave Abnegation? There's no simple one or two word answer to that question. Pain creeps up my spine and out towards my limbs. It feels like my nerve endings are on fire. I don't understand what's going on.
"I never thought I was good enough for Abnegation," I say but then add, "and I longed for the freedom that Abnegation didn't allow." Suddenly the fire is extinguished.
"Why did you think you weren't good enough?" he asks.
"I'm selfish. You can't be selfish and be a good member of Abnegation," I say. "I didn't want to have to force myself to be selfless every day. It's hard work lying about who you are all the time." This actually takes me by surprise. I can't believe I'm saying this out loud to this strange man who's standing before me. Niles ... something. Why do I know Niles? I close my eyes for a moment trying to concentrate. It's so hard. Suddenly I remember Niles interrogating someone. It isn't a clear memory. It's like a faraway dream. Then something else comes to me. He asks questions under truth serum. Am I under truth serum?
"Tris, look at me," he says. I slowly open my eyes. I didn't realize they were still closed. I look up into his eyes. They seem friendly and cold all at the same time. I wonder how he does that. I have to remember he's expecting the truth but he may not deserve it. God, I hope I haven't told any of our secrets yet. I have to concentrate. "Is your name on Dauntless' suspected Divergent list?"
"Yes," I say. They all knew the answer to that question, there's no harm in answering it honestly.
"How did you feel when you discovered your name on the list?" Niles asks. He wants me to talk about my feelings?
"I didn't feel anything at first," I say.
"Why?"
"Because we didn't know what the list meant," I say.
"When did that change?" he asks.
"When Daniel Parks was assaulted," I say. "When I figured out where I'd heard his name before I got scared but not for myself. I was scared someone would hurt Four." It's okay to say all this. They know he's on the list also.
"Tris, are you Divergent?" he asks. This is the question I've been waiting for. I want to scream yes at the top of my lungs but I can't do that. It could hurt Tobias, maybe even kill him, and I love Tobias too much to put him in danger. I take a deep breath.
"No," I say shaking my head. I just did it. I fought the truth serum and I won. It doesn't feel like I've won though. Every nerve ending in my body is on fire. I may have just fooled everyone by telling a lie but my body knows it was a lie. I remind myself to breathe through the pain. Hopefully it will go away if I can tell the truth soon.
"Who is Four to you?" Niles asks. I smile brightly at the mention of Tobias but this isn't a simple one word answer either. Who is he? He's my soul mate, my lover, my best friend, my boyfriend. I could go on. I shouldn't say some of those things in front of my parents though.
"He's my fiancé," I spit out. The tingling in my body starts to fade but my heart starts to race. Why is my heart hammering like this? Oh, God! I just told my Mom, Dad, and Caleb that Tobias and I are getting married. I hang my head a little. I hear something behind me but it doesn't really register.
"Order," Jack says.
"Why are you frowning at the thought of marrying Four?" Niles asks. I didn't realize I was frowning.
"It was a secret," I say. "We didn't want to let my family know yet, and I just told them, all of them." I think he's smiling at me but I can't be sure. My eyes are out of focus right now.
"How long have you been engaged?" Niles asks. Seriously, can't we get away from this line of questioning?
"Since yesterday," I say. Please, please, please let him move on from this subject. If he asks anything else about last night, I might end up telling my Mom, Dad, and Caleb that Tobias and I had the most amazing, earth-shattering sex last night, and they really don't need to know that. I wouldn't be able to look at any of them in the eye ever again.
"Tris, look at me" he asks. Crap, my eyes are closed again. "How long have you known Four?" Seriously, why all the hard questions? How long have I known him?
"I met Four the day I joined Dauntless," I say. That isn't a lie. I didn't really know Tobias when we both were in Abnegation.
"How long have you been romantically linked?" he asks. Romantically linked? A giggle escapes my lips. That seems like such an odd turn of phrase.
"We started dating two days before initiation was over," I say, electing to tell the whole truth this time. The painful sensation is now gone from my body. It's much easier to tell the truth than it is to lie.
"I'm sure you two have shared many secrets with each other? Am I right?" he asks.
"Yes," I immediately say without thinking. Slow down, Tris. You have to think before you answer the questions or you could get him killed.
"Does he know you're Divergent?" Niles asks. This confuses me for a moment, and I almost blurt out the truth but I stop myself.
"I'm not Divergent," I say. "I already told you that." Pain surges through my body once again.
"Is Four Divergent," Niles asks. Take a deep breath, Tris, I say to myself.
"No, he isn't," I say.
"What are some of the secrets he has shared with you?" he asks. I close my eyes and squirm in my chair.
"It won't hurt so much if you would answer immediately," Jack says. "Remember we're all friends here. Unless you or Four have done something wrong, we won't disclose what you say."
"Promise?" crosses my lips before I can think about it.
"Yes, Tris," he says. I choose to believe him. I hope I'm not choosing wrong.
"He told me his real name and what faction he's from. He told me he left his faction because his father hurt him. He told me his mother isn't really dead, and he took me to meet her. He told me he has a sister he's never known and now he has a little brother also." Whew! I just told them a lot of secrets without exposing who he actually is.
"What's Four's real name?" Niles asks. I hear a gasp then realize it came from my lips. Why are they still asking questions about Tobias?
"Please, Jack," I beg. Pain is shooting through my entire body making it very hard to concentrate. "I've answered all your questions. I'm not Divergent. Four's not Divergent. Why do you need to know what his real name is?" There is silence in the hall for a moment as I sit here burning.
"You're right, Tris," Jack says. "We don't need to pry into your personal lives anymore." They must believe me to end this torture.
"One final question, Tris," Niles says. "What is your greatest regret?" I think about this for a long time while the fire rages out of control inside my body. A face flashes in front of my eyelids.
"Al. Al is my biggest regret. I killed him," I blurt out. I hear Tobias but I can't clearly make out what it is he's saying so I decide to go on. "He sided with Peter, and he let him touch me. If it weren't for Four, I would have been killed or raped. Al wanted me to forgive him but I couldn't do it. I told him I would kill him if he ever came near me again, and I called him a coward. He killed himself that day, jumped right into the chasm. So you see, not forgiving Al is my biggest regret. He might still be dead today even if I forgave him but I won't ever know that for sure."
"Thank you for your honesty," Niles says. All the Candor who are still in the room join in with Niles. I slump in the chair and soon find Tobias squatting down in front of me. I try to smile at him and run my fingertips down his cheek but my body isn't working at the moment.
"How long will the serum last," Tobias asks someone. He sounds very angry. I can't see who he's talking to because they're standing behind me.
"I sent Niles to get the counter agent," Jack says. "Once it's administered, she'll be fine. She may be a little lightheaded and tired but otherwise fine. You have a real brave one here, Four. It takes a lot to withstand immediately answering questions under the truth serum. All Candor members have to try doing it. It feels like you're standing in the middle of a fire. It's quite excruciating." Tobias moves his now grave-looking eyes back to mine. He now knows how I've been feeling over the past ... how long have I been here? Oh, I can't remember.
"You should have told him my name, Tris," he says, his voice thick with emotion.
"I didn't want to give anyone your secrets," I say to him. I find it very hard to keep my eyes open right now. I hope no one asks me any questions. I would blurt out the truth immediately. All of a sudden I remember telling everyone in the room he's my fiancé. "I'm so sorry."
"About what, love?" he asks, totally confused.
"Telling them you're my fiancé," I say, burying my head in his shoulder. "That just slipped out."
"It's okay," he says in my ear. "You did so well."
I'm almost asleep when I feel a pinch on the side of my neck. I flinch away from the pain. I can't stand anymore pain right now. Immediately my head starts to clear, and I sit up and look around. Tobias is kneeling in front of me and standing behind him are my parents and brother. They all have several emotions swirling on their faces. Tobias helps me to my feet. I'm a bit wobbly, and he wraps his arms around me to steady me.
"I'm so sorry, Mom, Dad, Caleb" I say looking at each one of them as I say their name. "This isn't how we wanted to tell you about getting married. I swear."
"We'll talk about it later," Tobias says. "Jack, is there someplace Tris can clean herself up a little?" I could use a bathroom even if it's just to splash some cold water on my face.
"Go through those double doors and take a left. The third door on the right is Miles private office. The door in the rear of the room leads to a private washroom. Take your time. Do you know how to get back to the elevator?" Tobias nods. "Go down to the first floor and ask for an escort to the cafeteria. We're breaking for an hour lunch."
"We're going to lunch now," Jack shouts to the rest of the room. "You can follow me to the cafeteria."
I see Mom, Dad, and Caleb turn to follow Jack as I lean against Tobias and he leads me to the office Jack just told him how to get to. We enter the unlocked room and go into the bathroom. I can't help but laugh when I see the sea of black and white in front of me. I don't know why I expected anything different. This time the floor is a black-and-white marble checkerboard pattern. The large shower that stands in the corner is lined with white marble subway tiles. Between two tall shelving units on the right is an eight feet piece of black marble with two sinks spaced approximately four feet apart. Above each sink is a black marble framed mirror. On the left side of the room, at an odd angle, sits a beautiful black crushed velvet old fashioned fainting couch. This is the most exquisite and luxurious bathroom I've ever seen in my entire life.
"Wow," I say as I continue taking in my surroundings. "I wonder how many bathrooms look like this at Candor."
"I don't know," he says. "Probably all of them." I see him open one of the doors on the shelving unit and take out a white washcloth. He wets it with cold water and hands it to me. I wash the sweat off my face. I look at him carefully and note he seems unusually tense.
"Are you alright, Tobias?" I ask him. His serious eyes meet mine.
"I could have lost you today," he says. "What were you thinking?" I shrug my shoulders and toss the washcloth into the closest sink.
"I would never let that happen," I say moving toward him. I wrap my arms around his waist and hold myself close to him. He automatically wraps his protective arms around me. "It wasn't easy but I got through it. I don't think we should talk about it now though." I let him go and lock the bathroom door.
"What are you doing?" he cautiously asks, his careful eyes watching me. I don't say anything, I just walk straight to him and wrap my arms around his neck and pull his mouth to mine. He returns my hungry kiss passionately. I move my hands to the button of his jeans, and he grabs them, stopping me.
"What do you think you're doing?" he throatily asks.
"I want you, Tobias," I say with intense yearning in my voice. "You just said you could have lost me today. I felt exactly the same way. I need you to show me everything's going to be alright. I need to feel you inside me, Tobias. Please."
"We can't do that. Not here, Tris," he says, shaking his head, still holding my hands. "No."
"No one can see us. I know you want me," I say breaking free of his grip, reaching out to touch his mounting desire. "I can feel you." He groans at my touch, growing even harder. He looks at me, shaking his head but I see the resolve in his darkening eyes waver. "Please, Tobias. I need you."
He wraps his hands around my waist as I wrap my arms around his neck, and he picks me up and carries me two feet and sits me down on the cold black marble countertop. I know this isn't going to be a long, slow, tender lovemaking session. We're both too full of intense longing in this moment. I've never felt anything this powerful and raw before. I swear I could cry. His mouth lands on my trembling lips with renewed passion. He thrusts his tongue into my willing mouth and makes love to it. I feel the spark of desire grow to a full-fledged fire when his hand slips under my shirt and inside my bra. He cups my aching breast and kneads it gently, eliciting a moan from my throat. I feel him roll my hardened bud between his thumb and finger causing a sweet combination of pain and pleasure to travel through me. God, I want him so much.
I move my hands from his hair to the button of his jeans and easily slide it out of its home. I pull the zipper down slowly, raking my fingernails over his cotton-covered, throbbing manhood causing his breath to stop then come in short, shallow gasps against my open mouth. We finally pull away from each other, and I jump down off of the sink. He unbuttons my pants, and together we slide them and my underwear down and off. He lifts me back up and sits me on the edge of the marble slab but I don't register the cold on my naked bottom. His mouth lands on mine in another powerful kiss as I put my hands inside his pants and cup his rock hard backside, squeezing gently. I move his jeans and underwear down in one swift motion, freeing his hardened length.
I feel him position himself at my entrance, and he fills me completely in one driving thrust. He swallows my scream of pleasure with his open mouth, his tongue darting in and out the entire time mimicking his deep thrusts. We break apart, and I take in an agonized gasp. I wrap my arms around his neck and my legs tightly around his waist as he drives into me fast and furiously. I meet every thrust of his with one of my own. I know I won't last long since the raging fire that once was a tiny spark is now moving through my body consuming everything in its wake. Our breath is coming in shallow, unsteady pants but we don't slow the tempo. Actually, unbelievably, we quicken the pace. I keep my eyes on his as he continues his relentless pounding. Just as I feel him tense and explode into me, I convulse around him in a blinding, fiery explosion. His mouth lands on mine again to catch his name as it's shouted from my lips. We cling to each other letting our breathing return to normal. A knock on the door pulls us out of our drunken, desire-induced state.
"Beatrice are you in there?" my dad says.