Ministry life seemed to disappoint Harry with how in your first years of Aurorhood, you were forced to file and fill out more paperwork than actually investigate. Remus luckily was able to steal Harry away on his afternoons and take him to suspected sites where there may be evil manifesting. Harry had seen very few cases in his first two weeks, but even just traveling the countryside with Remus had kept him on path at the Ministry. Ron didn't mind staying back at the office, where only a few times he agreed to join Harry in their potential cases.
After returning late one evening to the office one evening, Harry had seen that Ron left his office with a mild mess and less than a scent of pumpkin pasties. Harry didn't mind staying back and finishing up the reports on their investigation in Gloucestershire from earlier in the morning. A few faerie dogs were causing havoc in a neighboring patch of land where a famous house known for haunting was located. They only needed to perform a few simple spells to rid the strange creatures, but nonetheless, it was much more fun than Harry had expected. Harry was overjoyed to hear about Teddy now being able to stand on his feet and babble a few words. There was still a thick mourning in Remus's throat when he spoke of his late wife, now only having Harry and his son left after losing all of his best friends, speaking of Teddy was the only thing to light up his life.
Harry felt mostly lonely in the first few months of his new career, he barely saw his friends. Ron became more distant from clearly not being able to click with their new career, and when Lia was home she was either doing homework or grading quizzes from her students.
"Harry, come sit in bed with me!" Lia screamed from their bedroom window out into the crisp autumn night.
Harry smiled seeing silvery curls catch on the wire screen as Lia pulled back and attempt to untangle her long hair from the window. He quickly scurried to her rescue, and gently tugged on the strands of her sparkling hair until she was set free.
"Are you coming inside?" She asked with a sideways smile.
"Are you done grading?" Harry shot back, with a feisty grin.
"I will be! I am on the "Y's." Lia exclaimed bouncing back into their fluffy bed causing a few sheets to billow to the ground.
Lia hadn't been home the entire week and Harry knew that when she was home and grading he would sit and listen to her curse under her breath while reading papers or doing marks. Hesitantly, he pulled himself away from the safe zone from under the blanket of stars and curled himself underneath the heavy blanket in their dimly lighted room. Lia kicked her long thick legs over the top of Harry's lap as she marked scores on the last bit of papers in her stack.
"McGonagall is passing me on three of the 7th year classes this week coming. She scoffed at the idea of me even having to continue schooling since I am teaching, so she's giving me final exams and if I can ace them, I'm done! It'll free up a couple of hours each day and I'll have more time to grade during school hours so I can come home more." Lia smiled as she shoved the ginormous stack of papers into her boho styled bag.
"She says that I should be a Hogwarts graduate by Christmas." Lia smiled against Harry's chest as she nuzzled into it.
"That's really good. It's been lonely around here. Ron's being going to the Burrow more often than ever. I don't think he's going to stick out being an Auror for much longer." Harry admitted disheartened.
"Yeah, Hermione told me at lunch on Monday that some dick in the office made a scene because Ron got complimented for a report he compiled. Ron got real messed up about it because apparently the guy found him later and said he was always going to be your shadow."
"Ron, my shadow? That doesn't even make any sense. Without Ron, there wouldn't be a Harry." Harry said angrily.
"I know, but imagine being Ron having to hear that." Lia said staring up into Harry's eyes.
Harry had forgotten what it was like to stare into the glowing night sky right in front of his eyes as he watched the golden speckles dances like shooting stars in Lia's sapphire eyes. She was a raw beauty to him, even though as her teaching job started she had gained weight, but to Harry weight was never a deciding factor in finding love. He couldn't help but drag his fingers against her pale soft skin, and recall moments of strong connection of their journey that already felt as a lifetime.
Even with the temptation on his mind, Harry couldn't pull away from the darkness long enough to kiss the areas of skin exposed from Lia's draping tank top. It was like this chain around his neck, with any happiness would become tighter and begin to suffocate him. Depression wasn't the word to describe it, because Harry knew depression. It found him many of times in the Gryffindor common room, where sometimes Harry had felt like he was the only one to ever experience sadness. This was worse, this was like a feeling of drowning, crueler than the way a dementor would make him feel.
Harry's bottle of whiskey was kept close next to the bed, where Lia hadn't noticed him grip the bottle between his fingers and sip from it quietly while she read from one of her dusty tattered books. There was a solace Harry could feel from alcohol, almost bury the thoughts deep down and allow him to feel normal until he was too drunk to think any longer.
Twenty minutes had passed, and Lia finally finished a few passages from her book where she set her head against Harry's chest after clicking her light off. Harry could still feel this electric pulse running from within her, which was very much alive and the strongest ever when the two were together.
"Harry, what's that smell?" Lia snickered as she flung up from her position now noticing that Harry was heavily breathing.
"It's nothing, Lia. Don't worry about it."
"Are you drinking? Again? Harry that's the second bottle this week, you don't need that."
"How would you know what I've been drinking…. You're off meandering the Hogwarts halls with Neville Longbottom…." Harry slurred.
"Do you think I'm blind, Harry? Or stupid?" Lia scoffed, standing from their champagne colored sheets.
"If I'm not finding the bottles, I can smell it on you. We all cope differently, but yours is changing you…" She cried out to him.
"WE, WE? I've spent the last 8 years of my life fighting a battle. Since I was a child I've been in this hell of fighting a war and watching people I love die. I continue to fight now, so don't you condemn me for the way I cope!" Harry yelled while stumbling to his feet.
"If you'd stop for a second you would see we are all hurting, we could get through this together, but you've pushed everyone away. Is that what you want? Do you want to be alone?" Lia exasperated.
"I don't know what I want." Harry exclaimed, falling to his knees.
"This is just so hard, Lia. Happiness cannot find me, I'm so lost." Harry began to sob.
Lia joined him on the tan patterned carpet, grasping the bottle of whiskey and throwing it through the open window.
"Come back to me, Harry. Please come back." She called to him quietly while cupping his sweaty head into her chest.
Lighted jack-o-lanterns floated whimsically into the air as Hermione, Lia and McGonagall pointed their wands at the Great Hall ceiling to decorated for the week leading into Halloween. Many other Professors joined them for a small gathering, which included barrels of butterbeer and pumpkin juice being run completely dry. Lia grabbed two foaming cups of warm butterbeer and sat with Lia the farthest table from the other professors.
"We should decorate the cottage when we go back this weekend. I think a few lanterns would maybe lighten up the mood around there." Hermione smiled, watching her cat shaped lantern float to the highest spot on the ceiling.
"That would be fun. I didn't assign any bookwork, so grading won't take up my entire weekend and I can actually enjoy myself. I'll make some homemade cider and candy apples." Lia smiled through her butterbeer.
"Ron might be home Sunday, they've been busy at the joke shop with Halloween being so close and all….." She trailed off, clearly avoiding the subject she wanted to talk about.
"Harry… how's he…er…"
"He'll be gone this weekend. So, Ron doesn't have to worry about the eventual confrontation that's going to happen. I don't know why he's so worried. Harry isn't angry at all that he left the Ministry. He's just more hurt that Ron didn't tell him before he stormed out last week. We all knew it was coming." Lia explained, watching Professor Flitwick try and flirt with Professor Trelawney.
"Although, I don't blame Ron for being apprehensive. Anyway, I'm sure you already heard, but we're adding new classes after semester, along with my very own idea!" Lia excited explained.
"New classes?! That's wonderful! I still have to fill up my schedule for next term since I'm only taking two required courses. And your idea? What's that?"
"Well, really it was Severus' idea. I brought it up in the staff meeting that we should be encouraging student instructors. Everyone loved the idea of an extra pair of hands helping and instructing, so along with the new classes, students are going to be allowed to apply for instructing positions!"
"Bill is going to be leaving Gringotts to come here and teach Wizarding finances. Muggle Studies will be brought back for good, Philosophy of the Great Head Houses, World Magic Studies, Firenze will be teaching Astronomy again, Politics in the Wizarding World… I'm just so excited!
"That's fantastic news!" Hermione joined in celebration.
"The new classes are going to be wonderful. Especially because we are bringing more neutral professors in who are going to be spread amongst each house for advisors. Our goal is already exceeding with how little house segregation exists now."
"I was really weary about you guys getting rid of the House table separtation…. But students love it, I mean I sit with a group of 7th years from every house. Of course we still get to have alone time with our fellow housemates in the Common Rooms, which I feel is the just right amount to have separated."
The two spent the rest of the evening wandering the halls of the castle, drinking a gallon of pumpkin juice that they were wheeling around on a tiny cart. Hermione felt the most comforted on nights she could spend with her best friend; there was a clear separation of maturity between Hermione and the remaining 7th years. The war changed her; it changed all of them.
Hermione and Lia were able to find just about the largest Christmas tree in all of America to shove in the corner their cozy living room. The top of the tree slightly bent against the ceiling, but the two had apparated it all the way from Colorado and were picking needles from their thighs for too long to find another. Ron chuckled as he watched the two nearly rolling around hysterically on the ground watching their obnoxious tree almost wave hello with its curved point.
"Bill, Fred and George are going to stop by in a bit to drop off some of mum's old decorations. George says mum's having a crisis that we're going to blow off the Burrow for Christmas this year." Ron explained, while fiddling a short string of gold tinsel in his hands.
"There's no other place to have holiday." Lia demanded, while sorting through a few cabinets.
"Where's Harry? I feel like he should be here with us." Hermione sighed while having Ron start the tinsel at the top of the tree.
"I think him and Remus are in Scotland. I'm not sure he will be home tonight. He knows that I'll be here for the next few months, so maybe he'll cut back on this wild work schedule. Who knows?" Lia admitted, while pouring random ingredients into a giant silver pot.
After Ron was sure Lia couldn't hear the two of them he whispered to Hermione, "I swear Harry's really lost it. While you two were staying at Hogwarts the past two weeks Harry hasn't been here at all. Not even to grab a change of clothes…. I don't know if she knows that."
"Maybe Harry has finally found something that makes the sadness in his head subside. I wouldn't worry too much, now that he knows its holiday, he might be around more." Hermione sympathized.
The door nearly blasted off the hinges as the gaggle of redheads entered the cottage with their arms filled with gaudy decorations.
"Aye! Where should we set the goods?" Fred nearly shouted through the piles of lights and ornaments.
"Wherever!" Lia's voice barely carried from the kitchen.
"Where the fuck did ya get that tree? Did Hagrid's family lend you one?" George laughed at the giant sized tree.
The twins, Hermione and Ron sorted through the boxes into piles of "too moldy" and "just perfect" for their first Christmas tree. Bill joined Lia in the kitchen with his box which Molly specifically wanted to be handled with care.
"Mum baked a rhubarb pie." Bill smiled while setting the perfectly crafted pie onto the table.
"It looks lovely!" Lia commented while finishing up her concoction.
"What's that?" Bill inquired peering onto the tan aromatic liquid.
"It's apple pie. My uncle made it all the time around the holiday. Quite a bit of rum, cinnamon, a few secret ingredients."
"By the way, thank you for the suggestion for me to have a Gryffindor advising spot. I'm pretty nervous to start in the spring, and it'll be nice to have familiar faces surrounding me." Bill graciously thanked her.
"Bill you have nothing to worry about. I'm stuck with a bunch of first years for most of my classes and I've survived. Your course is mostly for the upperclassmen. It'll be a breeze." She comforted him.
"Don't let me make an ass out of myself, okay?"
"I promise….try this!" She jabbed a spoon in his direction.
The same silvery banged up pot was sipped dry before midnight while the six of them enjoyed Lia's specialty cocktail. A homey Christmas tree was successfully adorned with every space decoration Molly Weasley had in her arsenal. It didn't feel like a proper holiday kickoff without Harry joining the lot of them, although, the majority of the Weasley's along did help.
An entire week passed from the holiday set before Harry returned home with an unshaven face and deep plum circles under his eyes. The bright lights from the massive tree shocked Harry awake as he turned the front door with the soothing familiar click of the brass lock. The ambiance gave Harry a blanket of warmth, after three weeks in the Knapdale forest, sleeping in Remus's pathetic enchanted tent that barely fit the two of them comfortably. Witch doctor's were reported to have been roaming the countryside cursing innocent muggle tourists, which Harry and Remus found not sight of in the entire forest. Although the trip was intense, and Harry learned about the many magical creatures of Scotland, he was happy to be sunken into his own couch with the warmest cup of coffee he had in days.
The sun was much too young still for Harry to dare to crawl into bed and cuddle his cold toes against his fiance's warmth. Instead he ignited a fire with his wand in their iron fireplace and slowly dozed off into the dawn pale light. Harry was shocked to open his eyes at the time where the scent of coffee was stale and the house felt empty. A scratched note was left on the counter where Harry immediately recognized Lia's handwriting and he already felt closer to her than he had in a while. Out in the forest, it was almost as if he had forgotten his old life, like he was born inside someone else's body, but the ink on the ripped piece of yellow lined paper brought him back.
Sleep tight love. I need to take a trip in to town. I'll be back before dinner.
Time thawed Harry's idle mind, allowing the normal thoughts of a 19 year old man to flow once again. The blade on his razor nicked a few rough patches of skin and Harry remembered pain, and the sight of his own blood. Harry felt as if it wasn't coincidental that Hedwig had been almost annoyingly affectionate after he had returned clean shaved, freshly clothes and half of a genuine smile on his face.
The door rattled, and Lia came violently through, cursing the bitter winds blowing a fierce winter chill against her face. Silver curls were tossed and knotted bountifully underneath her teal knitted hat as well as bright red circles of frosted porcelain skin was noticeable. Her presence caused his knees to nearly buckle, for his eyes hadn't seen Lia in this light for almost a year it felt like.
"Harry, close your mouth and help me carry some of these bags to the table." Lia huffed as she dragged a few burlap bags through the door.
Within a few minutes the table was stacked with tiny mountains of fresh fruits and vegetables, which Lia was slightly sour about. Nothing quite tasted like the rich peppers growing from the black soils in her backyard.
"You were sleeping so soundly I didn't want to wake you. The cupboards were bare, and Ron and Hermione left much earlier than I expected to head to the Burrow for a few weeks."
"Why so early? I thought the lot of you were talking about exchanging gifts for a party here before we left for holiday at the Burrow?" Harry inquired, not wasting a chance at grabbing two handfuls of sugar cookies from the counter.
"That was last week, Harry. Christmas is in only three days. You missed the exchange. Your gifts are right there under the tree." She hopelessly pointed to the quaint pile of gifts resting underneath the evergreen.
Harry felt his chest sink as he saw the ornamented packages with bows and cards neatly stacked with needles of green sprinkled atop them. How could time have lost him so easily? It was cold, but Harry hadn't pieced together that the bitterer it became, the closer to holiday it got. Harry's head began to spin, and the anxiety started to suffocate him as he thought about his friends exchanging gifts without one parcel from him.
"Why…. Why did any of you do this? I wasn't here… why?" Harry began to frantically ask, while feeling through the amount of gifts with tiny tags labeled "Harry."
"Harry, you're still apart of this family. Whether you're here or not." Lia came down to the floor.
"I can't open any of this. No, not until I can return the favor." He forcefully explained.
"Holiday isn't about gifts, Harry. It's about being together and loving one another. Everything is fine." Lia spoke slowly and calmly.
"I don't deserve love. I can't even get holiday right." He despaired, almost sinking right through the floor.
"But look Harry, I was able to afford gifts this year. Look…." She pleaded with tears in her eyes.
"We'll take them to the Burrow, open them there. Please, Harry."
There was desolation in Harry's sad eyes; Lia couldn't find light even in the brightest parts. Harry hadn't restored his vile of anti-depressants in over three months, and Lia knew he had given up. This was past any of her medicinal expertise, he really was a lost boy.