Chapter Two

Harry lay on his small bed located in the cupboard under the stairs and enjoyed the seldom lonely moments without his abnormally normal family.

He preferred to refer to them as relatives to be honest. They bothered him constantly. Really, it was embarrassing! He tried with all his wits to avoid being seen with them and they made it all impossible.

They were around him every minute when he was allowed in public. So to speak, when he wasn't gardening or cooking or cleaning but out in school. Then, Dudley was never far away. His cousin was a real pain in the arse. He was sure it was due to his own good looks. Dudley was jealous, that was it. His whale of a cousin wanted to beat him up because he envied him - Harry - for catching the better genes.

That shouldn't surprise him. One look at his parents was enough to come to the conclusion that his poor cousin hadn't had much of a chance from the beginning.

Whatever, he himself wouldn't make much of a fuss about it but his cousin had made it to his personal goal in life to make Harry's miserable. And with this he succeeded outstandingly.

Like now, as he disturbed his relaxing mood by running down the stairs!

Thick clouds of dust were being released in the anyway not so fresh air by this atrocious behaviour. But the most irritating action was his loud, insane laughter that sounded through the house. It made a shiver run down Harry's spine.

As if it wasn't enough, he stopped in the middle of the stairs to jump up and down releasing even more dust.

"Ahhh you sonofabitch! Take that! Eat sand! You've killed him! Wohoooo!"

He wondered if Dudley knew what he was talking about, cause Harry hadn't the foggiest. Except Dudley confused sand with dust, but the differences were too obvious, weren't they?

"Oh no," he grumbled resigned to his face as got up reluctantly.

After having opened the door to his cupboard he was confronted with the chubby face of his cousin who pushed him back on his hard bed. Harry hissed silently as his head collided rather forcefully with the wall.

"Go, go! Eat sand! Sonofabitch! I will kill you!"

Dudley ran past him into the living room, slapping the door shut while Harry rubbed his head.

"Oh you stupid, fat bastard," he muttered under his breath as he followed his cousin into the living room with the intention to slip unnoticed past his uncle into the kitchen. Easier said than done, that one. If his cousin was a whale than his uncle was a mountain. He topped chubby face even in ugliness.

To put it in words: His uncle needed a gun license for his face.

But for now he had to escape the wrath of his uncle. He wasn't a morning person, you see.

"Uiuiui, my little Duddykins. Come here," Aunt Petunia, the giraffe, pinched Dudley's cheeks affectionately. It looked rather painful from Harry's perspective. "It's your birthday! We have so many presents for you!"

Sad that Dudley had to be reminded of his own birthday. But Harry was thankful for the distraction as he could easily sneak into the kitchen to prepare breakfast.

Meanwhile, the giraffe clasped her hand in front of the whale's eyes and led him through the room until she stopped in front of a huge pile of presents, all the while heaping praises on her beloved son.

Then she removed her hands and stared expectantly at her Duddykins, whose chubby face had turned a beautifully crimson red that clashed cruelly with the colour of his shirt. Harry moved away, having no interest in getting involved in the coming tantrum and being rather fond of his capability to hear the sounds around him, thank you very much.

"So, what do you think?" asked Petunia who couldn't restrain herself in the anticipation to receive much wanted gratitude from her beloved son for the presents and her need to please him on his special day.

"Aren't they super awesome?" Like he said, she really couldn't help herself.

Dudley turned around slowly and faced his father who sat on the table munching happily on his eggs and bacon while reading the newspaper, being completely in the dark about what kind of tantrum awaited him. The air reeked of danger. Harry searched for cover.

"I want the game Unreal Tournament!" The whale cried.

"We haven't got Unreal Tournament, I'm afraid," The mountain replied, still ignorant to his son's mood.

"Shut up, you sonofabitch!" Chubby face shouted.

Wait, his cousin knew that he had insulted himself with that, right? And why did he always have to scream?

"Err I'm sorry, but it wasn't available. I…" gun face tried to defend himself but was interrupted by the senseless screaming of his son who was running the imminent risk to explode at any moment considering his complexion. It wasn't healthy.

The giraffe – the most capable of overlooking the situation due to her unique features - decided that she had to intervene, smelling - like Harry - serious trouble should this go on.

"Listen, Duddykins, we may not have Unreal Tournament but we can visit the zoo and then we will buy you a hippo! What do you think, hmm?"

And with that it was decided. They would visit the zoo.

Harry sighed. Going out with his relatives. In public. People would see them. Or even worse, they would see him with them.

What could he have possibly done to be punished with them?

A rhetorical question of course.

AN: And the craziness continues!

Dudley: Chubby face and the whale

Vernon: The mountain

Petunia: The giraffe

Until next time!