Evenings

Chapter 16

Fault

Summary: Yamato's children, staying with their Aunt and Uncle, reflect on what has made their life a mess as of late.

A/N: This is a companion piece to Angel Weasel-Woman's "Check Please". Part of our headcanon.

Tsukuyomi curled against the stuffed animal he had since he was a small child. He remembered that someone named Mimi had made it and given each of the kids one. His was orange, with a white underbelly and a horn. The red eyes were fading to pink by now. Somehow it made him feel more alone, even if he was shoved into a room with his two cousins and sister.

He couldn't sleep, despite his cousins sleeping soundly. His mind wandered with worries that shouldn't befall any kid his age. He knew his father was 'okay', but why hadn't he come to visit? He was too scared to ask Auntie Hikari, much less Mr. Takaishi. Maybe Dad... maybe he's forgotten us. Maybe he hates us. What he did, it must be our fault... No, Sis can't be at fault. It must just be me. Pathetic me.

"Hana?" he whispered into the dark. No answer made him feel more alone. He knew his sister wasn't asleep because she wasn't tossing and whining. "Hana!" he hissed a little louder, but his voice had become so frail, so unsure that it wasn't much above a whisper anyway.

Unable to gain her attention, he crawled out of the bed and wandered over to her curtain. He gave a little knock on the wood of the bed to let her know he was poking his head in.

"What do you want?" she snapped.

Tsukuyomi saw she was cuddled against the wall. He stuttered, trying to say something, anything. "H-h-hana, I can't, can't sleep."

"Go back to bed and close your eyes."

"I tried that. Can't I sleep with you?"

"Whatever," she mumbled. Hana pulled her pillow closer. Maybe there was a sniffle.

Tsukuyomi climbed in. After a few minutes of silence (and still unable to sleep), he spoke again, "D-Do you think Dad... l-l-left us, left us?"

"He wanted to die. It's fucking obvious," Hanako continued to mutter. She had picked up some language in her first few days with her male cousins.

"I m-miss when he s-s-sang to us."

"Well, forget it."

"It's all my fault. I shouldn't have cried when you hit me."

Hanako had to pay special attention. That was probably the first sentence without a stutter he had managed since that night. Guilt stabbed her in the chest and she hiccuped. "You're silly. This entire thing is my fault. Always has been."

"W-What?"

"This entire thing is about me. Mom and Dad..." Hanako took a deep breath. "You've heard them when they fight."

Tsukuyomi had heard them. He just didn't put it together. Maybe he wanted this mess to be his fault. Sometimes he felt left out. Then, he came to live with his Aunt and Uncle and finally felt he had a place where he belonged. Now, Hanako was the one being left out. "I'm sorry."

"...for what."

"Nothing."

"Go to sleep."

"I told you, I can't sleep," Tsukuyomi reminded. "H-h-hana, do you think, think that we'll l-l-live here forever?"

"Go. To. Sleep."

"Talk to me. I wanna talk."

"Shut up."

Tsukuyomi finally gave up. He found himself staring at the ceiling for most of the night. When he did finally sleep, Hanako would kick him awake. Tsukuyomi crawled out from the bed eventually, the glow of the alarm clock the only thing lighting his way to the living room. He opened the door and went to the couch. His father always slept on the couch. Maybe he could sleep better there, too.

Sometime in the early morning, Hikari woke to prepare for a long day of teaching, worrying about bills, and dealing with her husband's stubbornness.

She didn't even notice the boy on the couch until she turned on the kitchen light, which overflowed somewhat into the living room. She frowned and put the coffee on. While it boiled, she walked into the living room. She sat next to Tsukuyomi and gently shook him awake.

"Tsuku, honey?"

"Mmm? Mom?"

"It's Auntie Hikari, sweetie."

"Oh. I'm s-s-sorry if I w-w-wasn't, w-w-wasn't, s-s-"

"Calm down, Tsuku," Hikari urged, gently patting his back. "I'm just wondering why you're sleeping out here?"

"...Dad always, always s-s-slept on the couch. I... I..."

Hikari waited. He was thinking more than stuttering. When he trailed off, she gave the boy a smile. "What do you want for breakfast today?"

"N-n-nothing. I wanna see Dad."

I have no idea where he is, Hikari thought and almost said the words out loud. She didn't want the boy to think his father was missing. Certainly he was safe somewhere. The hospital wouldn't jettison him into the street, she hoped. "I'll see what I can do. You must want to eat something. Is there anything you really like? Pancakes, maybe?"

Tsukuyomi thought about it. Their mother used to make them cinnamon pancakes, but he wondered further about Kazuki and Lucian. He couldn't ask for something they didn't like. He just tossed his head and curled back into the couch.

Hikari decided that was fine and found a spare, small blanket and covered up Tsukuyomi. Poor thing had slept all night without anything to keep him warm. As she heard the coffee pot finish, she wished she had more time to tend to her nephew.

She hadn't but started the batter for pancakes when a scream startled her. Hikari dropped the spatula onto the tile floor and rushed around the edge of the island towards the children's room. She heard her bedroom door open and glanced back just long enough to see a weary Takeru rubbing his eyes.

"What the Hell is going on?" he demanded. Hikari smiled inwardly; she almost found Takeru human when he was half-awake. She then turned to the kids' room. Her boys were staring over at Hanako's bed, where sobbing was coming from.

"Hanako? Hanako, are you alright sweetie?" Hikari urged, rushing over behind the curtain. The girl was curled into her pillow trying to catch her breath. Hyperventilating, even. Hikari urged her to breathe. Hikari couldn't help but be reminded of a similar look that had crossed Yamato's face when she first met him.

They had been waiting so long for Taichi to return that the awkward young boy had nearly drifted to sleep leaning against the support post of the building, only to give a small gasp as if his mind had scared him back awake.

"Hanako, you're here with your family. It's safe."

Takeru scoffed and said he was going back to bed.

Hikari pursed her lips at him, thinking, How many times have you seen that same expression on your brother's face and done nothing?!

"There's no guns here, right...?" Hanako managed.

"N-No, no sweetie. It's safe." Hikari sighed and pulled the child close to her. The mother struggled with her own sympathy for the girl's father and rage that he could do such a thing. Briefly, a thought crossed her mind, You can't say that you wouldn't ever do something like that. How much longer until Takeru becomes insufferable? How much longer until you can't take living here anymore? Yamato, you were so tired, weren't you? Giving up so much to hold your family together. You snapped. I can't. I can't. I hate you because I can't just take the easy way out. I never can.

Another sigh passed her lips. "Breakfast is almost ready. Why don't you go wash up with your cousins and meet me at the table?"

Hanako nodded, her mind still in a daze.

She had just been scolded by Yamato that morning. She didn't mean to hit Tsukuyomi. She wasn't even sure why she did it. She just felt like she was allowed to. Her Mom had done such things and he didn't scold her. But Dad had scolded her. Then when he came home, their parents had their usual bout of arguing before bed. Tsukuyomi usually had his headphones in, but even he was curious as to where their father had been all day.

Then, Hanako could hear her mother banging on the bedroom door. That had never happened before. Tsukuyomi urged her against it, but Hanako tiptoed over to the door and cracked it. She couldn't forget how loud the gunshot was. Like a firecracker. Her mother's scream was difficult to identify. One of anger and worry, perhaps. Still, it was as loud as the gunshot. Hanako remembered the smell, too. She tried to go to her mother, but Sora shoved her away.

Hanako retreated back to the room, the smell of gunpowder slowly filling the house. And a hint of something else, like copper.

She hadn't meant to see it. When they rushed her father out the door. She didn't see his face, but there was so much blood, she knew it was bad. She had only seen that much blood on television, and even then, Mrs. Satoshi changed the channel and said that television like that was evil and would rot her brain.

She could barely hear Hikari trying to urge her breathing down and before long she had gone off to the kitchen again.

Hanako peered over to her cousins. They both looked at her like they knew. They knew this was her fault.