Remember:

The Dursley's consisting of Vernon the mountain, Petunia the giraffe and their spross Dudley the whale.

*parseltongue*

Chapter Three

The zoo was full of happy families, school classes, friends and lovers. A happy bunch of people. He and his relatives simply didn't fit into the picture, Harry decided.

But what could he do. Nothing. Yeah, he knew that. No reason to be pessimistic. It was not as if that was something new.

Dudley hadn't been too thrilled about the hippo. Harry had escaped, cheering that he had managed to dumb his horrid relatives and passed the time by observing their counterparts. But giraffes weren't very interesting, whale's he wasn't able to make out in dirty water - if it even was a whale that he'd spotted in there - and the mountains in the zoo were more likely hills.

Altogether, he was terribly disappointed.

That led him to examining the reptile house where he found the reason for his dreadful existence again. What a pity! But what where the odds of running into the whale in the reptile house? It wasn't their natural habitat as far as he knew.

Currently, the only thing separating his cousin from the snake in the compound was thick glass. They both stared at the boa constrictor.

It was huge.

Then Vernon joined them and knocked with his knuckles against the glass which produced a high - like really high - knocking sound that was rather embarrassing for a mountain.

"Do something!" he ordered.

Why he expected a snake to follow his command was beyond Harry. The snake was clearly above him.

Dudley on the other hand took his father as a role model and quickly imitated the action by ramming his fists against the glass. At least the sound wasn't so high. And Vernon cringed slightly in fear of the glass actually breaking. Harry found it quite hilarious.

"Do something!" Dudley shouted. Very imaginative. The whale was even more outranked by the snake than the mountain. They both lacked in the intelligence department.

"Shut up," countered Harry in defence of the snake. And because the whale was annoying. As always.

"I don't need help. I don't need help," muttered chubby face to himself and left to torment other animals with his presence. The mountain and the giraffe left, too.

"Ey, I'm sorry," Harry was used to apologise on behalf on his relatives. They lacked something called common sense, too.

"You know, because that fat boy pressed his nose against the glass staring at you so boldly."

The snake lifted its head and stared at him. It stared at him boldly. Hey, he had just stated that that wasn't good behaviour. Did nobody ever listen to him?

Then it winked at him. Ahhh wait, his fault. It bloody WINKED at him! What the hell?!

*It's alright.* someone hissed.

The snake hissed.

Because who could possibly hiss at him if not the snake?

He gaped at it. *Oh my god, you're able to talk!*

The snake nodded. *Yes, what of it?*

*But… snakes shouldn't be able to do that, should they?* Harry was lightly confused by now. Sure, the snake was the first of its species he came face to face with but the fact that they could talk would have reached him before all this, right? Surely, his teacher would have checked that they all know about it when they had dealt with snakes in class.

So it wasn't normal…

Perfect!

He loved everything that wasn't normal! Not normal meant not Dursleyrish. You could blame the rebellious teenager hidden deep inside of him.

*Of course they should!* The snake seemed to be offended by his lack of knowledge.

*Ah okay,* he agreed quickly. He knew enough to know that one was supposed to avoid an agitated snake. For his own well-being. *And how are you?* he tried to distract it. *I've never spoken with a snake before.*

She – Harry didn't know how he knew it but there was simply something female about her - turned her head and pointed at a sign on the wall. 'Bred in captivity', it stated.

*Dude, I don't know English,* he joked to lighten the mood just as the whale ran over to him, shouting all the while.

"What is that? Out of the way!"

The whale pushed Harry away - who fell to the ground - his eyes locked on the beautiful snake. Harry blinked the pain away and turned on his back. The scene in front of him showed an annoyed looking snake returning unafraid the stare of chubby face who hadn't just his nose but also his hands pressed against the glass this round. Still pissed, because the whale had dared to lay a hand on him again, Harry traded Dudley with his death glare.

It would be too good to be true if it would work. Only for himself, naturally.

What occurred subsequently wasn't the anticipated result of his death glare but something near in reaching the same outcome and satisfying his bloodlust *cough* errgh revenge.

The glass disappeared and his cousin fell forward into the compound with the snake.

Harry silently rejoiced over the whale's misfortune.

That served him right. Chubby face really got on his nerves. Now, the only thing left was for the snake to finish him off. His first, fruitful, personal death glare! He should keep the snake. Cousin gone. Two relatives left to go.

Harry cackled darkly.

But unfortunately, he had cheered too soon. The snake didn't deign to look at his cousin and glided out of the compound instead.

Damn snake, thwarting all of his plans.

The snake stopped to look at him and he froze. She couldn't read his thoughts too, right? He hadn't known of the talking part so it was only logical that he wouldn't know of such an important thing like mind reading either.

Okay, if he had been the snake, he also wouldn't have touched the whale, regardless what he may have received as payment it wouldn't compensate for the amount of bacteria one would catch.

He shuddered.

*Thank you very much.* With that the boa constrictor glided away, leaving one crying and one gaping boy behind while humming a soft tune to herself.

Harry made some mental notes:

Firstly, snakes can speak.

Secondly, snakes can read your mind.

And thirdly, snakes like humming.

Who knew when that knowledge would come in handy.

AN: Any opinions? Have I made some grave mistakes? If yes then let me know! See ya.