Alex had tracked down a series of old contacts, but times were lean and for even casual labour they required paperwork, a National Insurance Number and an address. Without a base of operations, even being an independent handy man was near impossible. Renting anywhere was out, Alex had the money but even a private landlord wanted a bank account as well as references. Backed into a corner by his paranoia would mean going back to menial tasks of cleaning or kitchen work and if he was really lucky working behind a bar.

After two weeks of disturbed and far too little sleep, Alex missed his room in the semi on Blackthorn Road. It was a nasty jolt to be back suffering the hard realities of this hard life. The characters he had met over the years had made his choice to leave normal behind at eighteen a bearable one. He thanked his lucky stars that each good deed, conversation and small kindness now meant he was not completely alone. He had to steel himself for a dismal squat, only he wanted a shared house. A nice room, to pretend he wasn't lost, alone and going to sped the rest of his life standing on the outside looking in. With a heavy heart, he sauntered up Clapham High Street to meet up with Liv and treat her to Beef Chow Mien and a bottle of sweet white wine. Alex himself would stick to water, he could not abide any type of inebriation or loss of control. The best day of his life had been weaning himself off antidepressants, sleeping tablets and tranquillisers.

Liv sat on the bench overlooking small patch of green between the blocks of flats beside the railway line. She had been silent eating. Alex had spotted one of the flats that had been recently vacated and with a quick bit of lock picking, they would both have a dry and vermin free night. As the old woman picked out the slabs of fried beef, she stopped eating. She was trying to decide wether to tell Alex her news.

"There was a lovely young girl asking questions this afternoon. Said her name was Sabina and that the Reverend at St. Mary's told her that her foster brother was in the area."

Her blond haired companion, who had been enjoying his hot meal, suddenly stopped eating and spat the remains of his mouthful back into the carton. "Shit!"

"You are older, leaner than that photo she showed me, but even I could see that girl misses her missing boy. If you're running from her, she's almost caught you." Alex looked at the carton and put it in the plastic bag and started to collect up his stuff.

The old woman smiled and spoke from her heart. "No one came looking for me. If they had I would have run and run and never looked back."

"I ran to protect Sabina. I…. I need to tell her to back off. This is me, this is how I live my life. I just need to get a place again and I'll be OK. Not brilliant, not happy but not jumping at shadows, looking over my shoulder or thinking every guy parked in a car is after me." Alex stood and picked up his rucksack. "I'm off west again."

There were no goodbyes or any promises of meetings in the future. Life was lived in the present, in the now. Tomorrow was as bleak as yesterday.

….

Sabina had finishing a piece for her website. Five hundred words on trawling through London's underbelly rather than dancing the night away at the fashionable hotspots she steered clear of. It was nearly 11AM and she was both hungry and in need of caffeine. She slipped out onto the Ongar Road and walked toward her local coffee shop, for her regular treat. Since moving back to London two years ago, the smart and self assured journalist had found all the traditional proper small Italian cafe's and made sure she never frequented any of the large franchised abominations that dominated most High Streets.

The coffee shop was crowded and it looked as if she would have to settle for take out as all the booths were occupied, when the waitress stated there was a seat to the rear, if she did not mind sharing a table.

The man sat at the table was dirty and smelly with his head and face hidden by a large worn hoodie. Sabina was about to go to the counter for take-out, when a familiar voice croaked "Good to see you, Sab. Sit down I'll treat you to a deluxe hot chocolate with flake, marshmallows and a mountain of whipped cream. You are still addicted to those million calorie drinks?"

Sabina sat down and watched as the hood hiding of the figure opposite was lowered to reveal shortish, dirty blond hair, rough beard and a tired, gaunt but familiar face of the long lost Alex Rider. She nodded stiffly to answer his question. She fought to control her emotions, as she really wanted to smack her friend across his face, but this was not a smug and arrogant teenage boy, but the hard fact of a man broken by life and barely hanging on. A million questions flitted through her head, but she had no voice. She sat and stared as her companion signalled the waitress and placed his order.

Her work experience may have restricted her to interviewing nice business people, bankers and the young and successful, but she was very familiar with the flip side to her existence in her search for Alex. She decided to be flippant, knowing that was how Alex broke the ice when stressed or unhappy. "You know I need a regular fix of sugar and chocolate, every lady does". As soon as she said it, Anita served the hot chocolate deluxe in front the newly arrived customer on Table 12 and an Americano for the gentleman who had already eaten a full breakfast and purchased three coffees.

Alex smiled at the middle aged woman, whom he knew would be listening in on this strange and tense conversation. "I'm not here to make excuses or to ruin you life by asking for money or a bed. You've been talking to Liv. I guess I've been a bit sloppy, but its been a shit month. I returned to old haunts, cause I need to touch base, before moving on again." He saw that Sabina was still a bit in shock. "You caught up with me. Good for you and maybe good for me. I'm afraid its not a happy ever after moment. Its great to see you but I'm not here to catch up or to mend any broken bridges. I'm fine, this is my life. Leave me to lick my wounds on my own."

A hard look marred Sabina's beautiful face. She found her voice "You sent flowers to mum. You scarred her. She thought you were really saying you'd had enough."

"In a way, I am at the end of my tether, but it'll get better. I'll find my feet and my version of OK. Earn enough money for decent food and a roof over my head. Simple enough really." Alex smiled and drank in the sight of a young woman with lovely long light brown hair. "I dream about you. Happy dreams of us larking about. Not often, but enough for me to miss you terribly. So, I left, but so had you. I hated California. I hated St. Brendan's. I never hated you, Liz or Edward. In fact, I had a breakdown because I so wanted to be like you, to be a proper son, but I couldn't relax, couldn't fit in, could not give an inch, not after Cairo. I still live by the decisions I made then. I was not going to be a puppet and if it took being a complete nobody to do it, it was an OK price to pay in my opinion. Your mum and dad did not deserve to be saddled with me and you had proved you had your own life and priorities. I grew a backbone and here we are now. So , back off Sab. Stop chasing me. I'm not coming back. I'm not going to play happy families ever. I do have friends, but people like me, broken."

"You are not going to walk out of my life again. You can't make my decisions for me!" Sabina hissed in righteous anger.

"You post your blogs, talk to Edward and gossip to your group of friends and now the Bank knows about Liv and can track me down. Those bastards listen into everyones phone calls, read everyones emails and I'm an asset who walked away and they will still want to bring me in. If I stay, those bastards will come calling, or is that guy from Special Branch parked down your street watching out for your terrorist neighbours. Not noticed that fat bastard, have you, Sab. I checked him out this morning. That is why I'm walking away from you again. Live your life for you, Sabina. Date, party and forget about that sad fucker Alex Rider. Goodbye, good luck and give my love to everyone, but its better this way. I'm going to have a tinkle now."

Sabina had seen the van and not paid it any notice. She wanted Alex to be part of her life but the reality was he was leaving, as she watched as the hood got pulled back up and Alex dropped a twenty pound note on the table and walked out. not through the front door but around the back and through the kitchen.