!WARNING! MALE/MALE SEXUAL SITUATIONS DISCUSSED - DON'T LIKE DON'T READ
Alex was early, arriving at the Dog and Duck at twenty to seven. It felt strange being a customer rather than barman, as he parked himself at the bar and smiled at Neil, "Evening boss, can I have a coke?"
"Good to see you, Alex. Could not wait a full five days between visits?" The landlord was digging for gossip, the rumour was the confirmed bachelor Simon Carrington had asked their new employee out on a date. Neil knew Alex had turned everyone else down.
"Si's meeting me here at seven."
"First date?"
"No we went out for a meal on Tuesday, it was really good, I like the fact Si's giving me space, no pressure, just getting to know each other." Alex sipped his drink and watched his boss deal with the early crowd.
Neil had seen Si, pick a series of one night stands at the pub on a Friday and Saturday night and it had been many years since the very public break up between the Celebrated Portrait Photographer and his ex, the infamous virtuoso violinist Serge Monterey.
Watching a clock slowly approach, hit and then pass the hour mark was not a favourite pastime of Alex Rider's. He was fastidiously early, always checking out his destinations ahead and making sure there were no hidden surprises. Now, he had to get used to Si's always late modus operandi. He had drunk the last of the coke by 19:09. The door of the bar opened, all arrivals watching by the anxious blond sat observing the reflections in the antique mirror behind the bar, advertising Johnnie Walker Whiskey.
Si noted the empty glass and smiled sheepishly, "Sorry I'm late. Come on Taxi's waiting."
….
The art gallery was in a large industrial space. Black and white prints portraying thirty years of war in Afghanistan. "I love John Darren's work. He's been a war photographer for nearly forty years. This just seemed to resonate with your Pashtun cafe run by refugees from Soviet occupation."
Alex stood and stared at the photo of a teenager, suddenly thinking of his own transformation into a frightened refugee in a hotel in Bangkok with his Godfather. The dirty smiling Afghan boy had missing, stained and crooked teeth. The images were a mix of domesticity and family life in tents and slums, soldiers, blood, pain, death and destruction. "Its frightening, how an image capturing a single millisecond of time can be so powerful. These are not doctored, they're just as he took them?"
"Yes, all these works of art were shot on proper film, developed and printed by Darren. The man writes essays on the loss of the art form from using digital cameras. I still use traditional film occasionally, but computers are wonderful tools."
"I did not think I was easy to read, but I like refugees, they are great to work for and with. I empathise with the loss of everything and having to adapt to a strange new world. I might have been born and brought up in London, but I am an outsider."
"In what way?"
"I chose to live outside of normal society. I've lived on the streets, in squats and subletting rooms since I was eighteen. No official address, no paper trail, I walked away from everyone and everything. I prefer to be my own man, even if its a hard and lonely life." Alex was trying to understand misery as art. "This is all a bit voyeuristic, not something I would come and see." Not adding the reality of his life where it had been bad enough to have lived the real thing. "I need a coffee, my or yours. I have stuff to discuss."
Si knew his beau lived with two nurses and they would have no privacy, nor the chance of a glass of wine as Alex was teetotal. "Mine, I think. I have an excellent choice of coffees, teas, wine and sprits."
"Your place it is."
…
Alex took in the three storey Edwardian villa on the tree lined avenue. He was shown into a modern kitchen with large glass doors onto the low maintenance garden. It was almost like Cheyne Walk. As coffee was served, Alex knew he had to start with the hard truths about himself.
"I like you. I like dating you. I want to know if you like me." Alex knew he would have to do a show and tell and was begging himself on to the big reveal and the statement that he was a scarred freak.
"I really like you too, Alex. I will take this as slowly as you need. I take it I'm your first boyfriend."
Si had hit the nail on the head. "I think the word is consensual. You know I had a few years getting my head shrunk. My life for eighteen months after my fourteenth birthday was shit. I was sexually assaulted twice… different creeps… powerless, afraid and humiliated. Not helped by the fact a guy I knew before that happened died, taking the fall for me, he said he loved me with his last breath. I was clueless at fourteen. Grief, PTSD, depression meant I was still a virgin at 18, in denial with every fibre of my being about Yassen. Right, so I'm afraid of intimacy. All my sexual encounters have been with women, mostly a lot older than me. Safe, not Nile, not Julius, and not Yassen." Alex exhaled. "Now for show and tell."
The photographer had expected a trauma in Alex's past. Getting over a bad sexual experience, while still technically a child would account for Alex's need for trust first. The sight of the blond stripping off his clothes was not one the older man expected.
The reason for the younger man's deep uncertainty an fear of rejection were deep and disfiguring scars. A long thin welt on the sternum, a large scar above the heart, thin mess of fine lines on stomach and lower inner arms and the mess of buckled flesh and skin grafts on his back. How was he going to respond to this broken man in front of him? That was simple. Simon stood up ad moved slowly forward, reaching forward to tilt Alex;s head up to see the storm of self hatred in those deep brown eyes. A soft kiss of the forehead, his arms reaching around to envelope this beautiful, hurt young man in a hug. No words spoken, just affirmation of trust and reassurance.
The warmth and strangeness of hugging a man and Alex Rider's world changed. He could dare to love, hope and live. He had taken that small step into the unknown and the man he had chosen to unburden himself on was willing to be patient and let this relationship develop. Alex then took the next step and kissed this would be lover. Soft tentative and nervous, Alex was also aware he was hard and his erection was pressing into the corresponding hardness of his companion.
"Your blushing, beautiful. I won't do anything if you want. I have to confess I would love to suck you off."
Alex smiled and did not back away. "I love blow jobs. I… I'm not a complete newly to this. Callum gave a blow job masterclass, using a banana. It was obscenely hilarious. How do we go about mutual orgasms? You or me first or at the same time?"