The Long And Winding Road
Notes: I thought it was time for another of those periodic reminders of what was stated in the note preceding Chapter 1 – All episodes that came after "This Charming Man" aren't canon in this story.
Thanks to Maibe Josie, citysoundtrack, Neviegirl, Suzzy20, unleashmysoul and YellyBelly for the feedback.
Chapter 46 - Crazy World
Sunday morning found JT and Emma in his car, on the road to Stouffville.
"You're uncharacteristically quiet this morning," Emma said to her boyfriend. "Last time we tried this, I think I was the one who could barely speak. I was so nervous. Of course, I'm still nervous, but…I don't know. I feel a lot better about this trip. Ms. Pierson told me over the phone that Shane was fairly stable this morning, so we're already ahead of the game.
"Not that Shane knows we're coming to visit. There's not much point letting him know ahead of time since he'd just forget what he was told before we got there. He remembers bits and pieces of things, but not enough to where his memory is reliable. I know. You must be thinking about your own little experience from last time. Don't worry. No patients are going to try to experiment on you or anything.
"JT, I know I've said it several times already, but again, I'm so happy that you're here with me on this trip. That you're finally going to get the chance to meet him. I've wanted this to happen for a long time. Longer than you've wanted it to happen, as you'll recall. But that's all in the past. Just know that you're making me very happy. And that I love you."
JT continued driving without saying a word.
"JT?" Emma asked. "What's with the silent treatment? Oh, okay, I get it. Ellie must have finally come complaining to you. No surprise there. So now you know about our little…altercation…at the mall. I actually started to tell you the other night, but after I mentioned seeing Ashley, you asked about what happened between her and Manny. Then we never got back to a logical point in the conversation where it was worth mentioning Ellie.
"I can only imagine what she must have told you, but it was really no big deal. I may have said one or two things to her that weren't entirely nice, but you know how I can get if I'm provoked. In this case, I was a model of restraint. She started to make all sorts of outrageous remarks but after awhile of putting up with it, I rightfully stood up for myself. Then I felt it best that Manny and I just walk away so that we wouldn't make a bigger scene than the one Ellie had already created.
"I don't like to speak poorly of your friends, JT, but that girl has a very bad attitude. Still, I shouldn't have let her get to me. I hope you can understand."
A moment later, JT finally broke the silence.
"Huh?" he questioned, looking somewhat confused. "Did you say something, Emma?"
"JT, do you mean to say I've been talking all this time and you haven't heard anything I said?"
"I caught bits and pieces. Sorry, I wasn't paying much attention. Have you noticed how many different doughnut shops there are along this road since we left Toronto? I've been trying to keep track as I drive past them all."
"Why does that not surprise me?" Emma asked, rolling her eyes.
"I mean, you've got Pete's Donuts, Doughnut Delight, Donuts to Go…"
"Fascinating," she said sarcastically.
"And there was The Donut Hole. Clever, don't you think?"
"Clever's not the word I would choose."
"And there must have been at least three others. Add to that the five Waffle Shacks we've passed and we could have broken down anywhere along this road and still not have had to worry if we wanted to stop for breakfast."
"Now you know the real reason I've been pestering you to come on these trips with me for years, JT. I've needed someone who could keep track of those all-important details."
"That's me, Emma. At your service. Anyway, I'm hungry. It's not like you gave me a chance to eat breakfast this morning, and that's supposed to be the most important meal of the day."
"Considering what you'd choose to eat, it's not THAT important a meal. Seriously though, I didn't want to waste any time this morning."
"No problem. So what were you saying before? Something about the mall?"
"I was saying that I meant to tell you the other night that Manny and I saw Ellie as well as Ashley. Ellie never mentioned it?"
"She stopped into the office Friday night after seeing a film. We talked for awhile, but she didn't say anything about seeing you at the mall. In fact, I don't think your name came up in the conversation at all. You two get into another one of those little debates over current events and how to solve the world's problems?"
"Not quite."
"Good to know. With everything going on right now, it's nice to know I'm not going to get caught in the middle of some crazy disagreement between you two."
"You know I'd never put you in the middle of anything."
"Thanks."
"After all, you'd automatically take my side in any debate."
"Funny, Emma."
"I thought so."
"Think he'll like me?" JT asked, sounding more serious.
"What's that?"
"Your…uh…Shane. Do you think he'll like me?"
"What's not to like?"
"Yeah, well, I've always been a legend in my own mind, but…"
"JT, if Shane is anything like his daughter, he'll like you right away. Or at least find you interesting in a fascinatingly peculiar sort of way."
"What about peculiarly fascinating?"
"Funny, JT."
"I thought so."
Back in Toronto, Sean opened his door soon after hearing a knock.
"Good morning," Manny greeted, standing outside with a small box in hand.
"Morning Manny," Sean responded, clearly pleased to see her.
"I took a chance that you were already awake by now. You mentioned last night that you weren't working today, so I knew you wouldn't be at the shop, but I guess you could have slept in. And even though it's not early, I wasn't sure and, well, here I am. With doughnuts."
"Relax."
"I could go."
"Will you get in here already?"
"Thanks."
Manny entered the house.
"You didn't wake me up," Sean said. "But I haven't eaten anything either. Thanks."
They walked into the kitchen area.
"Have a seat," he told her, motioning toward a chair at the kitchen table. "Drink? We got water. Well, from the tap. And coffee. The tap water usually looks darker than the coffee. I think we still have a couple of Cokes left."
"Coffee would be great."
"You only say that because you've never tasted my coffee."
At the counter Sean poured some coffee into two cups while Manny sat and opened the box, removing some napkins.
"I had wondered what this place looked like on the inside. In fact I've only ever been here once before, and that was only outside."
"Way back when you came over to uninvite me to the Simpson wedding."
"You remembered."
"And you tripped and fell on your face."
Manny smiled.
"You didn't have to remember THAT part, Sean."
Sean brought the cups over and sat down, grabbing a doughnut from the box.
"It's good that you're here, Manny."
"I wanted to see you, but I didn't want to seem intrusive or…and hey, we both have to eat. So here I am."
"Relax. I don't think it's intrusive. Or the other thing you almost said before you stopped yourself."
"Sean, you're the first person I've gone out with – more than once – in a really long time. In fact, you're the first I've gone out with AT ALL in a really long time."
"It's the same with me."
"You might say I'm the poster girl for that phrase 'Be careful what you wish for.'"
"How do you mean?"
"There was a time when I went out of my way to be…not popular…but recognized. Recognized and thought about. Sexy and possibly a little dangerous. The one that could turn two guys who are best friends into enemies because they're both determined to be my one and only. And I'm sure this is something you'd rather not hear."
"No, it's okay, Manny. Keep going, if you want."
"Well, for awhile it was fun being that girl. A lot of fun. Then I ended up losing friends. Feeling like I was losing more and more control over my own life just so I could be this person, this object of attention. I know. Not exactly worthy of saying 'Poor me.' Only it turned out that as that object, I was thought of as not much more than trash, to be either ignored or used. After awhile, the nice guys wouldn't bother with me and the guys that would make offers…well, I'm sure you can guess."
"I have a pretty good idea," Sean said.
"Yeah. And worst of all, I made the two guys I liked most suffer because I could never bring myself to stick with either one for very long, Me and Craig…a case of first love that got out of control on so many levels. Off and on for years until…until the miscarriage. And JT…anytime things got to be too much with Craig, or I just needed a break from this lifestyle I'd set up for myself, I turned to JT, knowing it wouldn't last and knowing he was in love with me or that at least he thought he was. I loved him too. Still do, as my friend. That's never going to change. But I was never IN love with him.
"He was my lifelong friend. He was safe. He could make me laugh and make me feel important. And even if he ever thought about it, he never asked why he and I didn't have sex when it was never much of a secret that sex was part of all my other relationships. I know I hurt him though, using him the way I did. I hurt a lot of people, most of all myself.
"So I've been trying to take things slow this last year. Try to figure out what I want my life to be, especially with us graduating soon and getting a chance at a new beginning. And when it comes to relationships, I decided that once I found someone I wanted to date – who also wanted to date me – I would do things right this time. Slower pace. No using one another. Actually thinking about the other person and what's right for both of us, and not just about what I want."
"Which is why you were so nervous at the door…"
"Yeah. Just showing up. Seemed like a nice idea, but once I got here…I didn't want it to look like I was still that person from before."
"No worries, Manny. You had a good idea. You're always welcome here."
"Thanks Sean."
"Even when you don't bring food."
Manny laughed.
"I do remember when you first started with that whole image change," Sean said.
"Oh? I thought you were about the only one who didn't notice."
"I noticed. Just didn't make much sense. You looked like a little girl playing dress-up. Not saying you looked bad or anything. Far from it. It's just the whole situation…it didn't seem like the real you. Not that I was any great judge of images. I mean, it wasn't long after you did your big change that I…"
"Became a thug-in-training?"
"Ouch."
Manny grinned.
"But yeah, something like that."
"I could have wrung your neck for how you started treating Emma back then, Sean. That is, if I hadn't already been busy getting into huge shouting matches with her in the school hallways and pushing her away."
"At least the two of you are friends again now. You and JT, too."
"Yeah, two friendships I really wanted again, and hadn't really expected to get back. You've done pretty good with them yourself, Sean. You and Emma became friends again. And you and JT weren't even friends before, but now you're like best buddies."
"You're right, Manny. Things have been going really good for me this year. Kind of scary, since I'm not used to things staying good for so long."
"Since we're being so open, Sean…do you mind if I ask you something that might be way too personal and none of my business?"
"What is it?"
"For me, I started trying to turn things around after losing the baby. Then after I realized I wasn't going to be able to run back to JT again, I knew that it was finally time to turn the page. So I'm wondering…was there something in particular that helped you 'wake up' and quit all that stuff you were caught up in?"
While Manny and Sean ate and talked, in Stouffville, JT and Emma finally reached the sanitarium. With the car parked, JT started to open his door to get out when Emma reached over and put her hand on his arm to stop him from leaving.
"Let's go over the ground rules first, JT."
"Ground rules?"
"Shane's not dumb, but obviously he's not so quick to pick up on things, so it's probably best if you kept the quick-witted sarcastic comments to a minimum. And you never know what he might suddenly notice and focus all his attention and energy on, so if you get the urge to do something silly, suppress it."
"So you're saying I shouldn't pick my nose and stick it on my forehead."
"JT…!" she exclaimed in exasperation.
"I'm kidding."
"I know, and that's just the sort of thing I don't…I mean HE doesn't need right now."
"Anything else?" JT asked.
"That's it. Unless I think of something while we're walking up to the building."
"You really think I'm going to do anything dumb or that would embarrass you?"
"Of course not. At least…not on purpose."
"Emma…"
"Sorry. I know I'm being overly cautious. I just don't want anything to mess up this visit."
"And nothing will. Try relaxing, Emma."
"Easy for you to say. We're not visiting YOUR father in a mental institution."
For a moment, silence filled the car. Then JT smiled, a thought having obviously come to mind.
"No, we're not visiting my father in a mental institution. But if we keep our fingers crossed, maybe someday we'll get to."
Emma's expression softened. She leaned over and kissed JT.
"Thanks for putting up with me," she said after the kiss ended.
"No problem. I'm used to it."
"Hey!"
"We're not inside the building yet," JT explained. "So I haven't pressed the Off button on my sarcasm setting."
"I think I'm ready," Emma then said confidently. "Let's go in."
As the couple got out of the car and started walking toward the building's entrance, back in Toronto Manny sat eating and listening as Sean tried to answer her question.
"Emma had me pegged last year when she called me a loner who didn't like being alone. She had a lot of stuff going on back in Grade 9 and I felt…left behind. Craig was spending most of his free time with Ashley. Even Toby was busy dating Spinner's sister. And it's probably safe to say that back then JT would rather have hung out with Raditch than with me. So when I had the chance to get in good with this other group, I took it. Seemed better than nothing. If it meant stealing a few things, no problem. If it meant insulting the people that had been my friends, I didn't care. Seemed like a small price to pay to feel like part of something.
"But sneaking around and taking things…that wasn't enough for Jay. He wanted people to look at him and be afraid. So we tried to look tough. Talk tough. No fear. Again, it made sense to me at the time. You know, for an idiot, Jay can be really convincing when he wants to be. He sure had me convinced that we were fearsome. But JT was right not to take us serious. The more we tried to act tough, the stupider we must have looked. A part of me knew it even then, but I went along with it anyway. Still, when you can't intimidate the kids in the debate club, you might as well stop calling yourself a gang.
"Anyway, Jay got more and more into the challenge. Didn't matter what he had to do to get what he wanted. Eventually, it wasn't even about stealing something, but knowing he COULD take it. The tougher the conquest, the more he had to try it. Even if it meant getting violent. Real violence, not stuffing some kid in a locker. I wasn't with him this one night when he broke into someone's home. He was spotted, so he knocked the guy unconscious. When Jay bragged about it the next day, I knew that was not the sort of thing I wanted any part of. I'd already hurt someone once years ago."
"The ear?"
"Yeah. And no matter what I'd started doing here – the stealing and being an overall jerk – I wasn't going back down that road again. I wouldn't be responsible for putting someone in the hospital. That meant Jay was no longer someone I wanted any part of. So I cut him and that whole situation out of my life."
"Wouldn't you cutting off ties like that make him mad? Make him want to go after you?"
"It helped that I wasn't the only one fed up with him. Most everyone else was, too. Even Alex…"
"Jay's girlfriend?" Manny asked, wanting clarification.
"Yeah. Even she told him to take a hike. Last I heard, Alex is now selling cosmetics door to door."
"You're kidding."
"No. You'd be amazed how many people are willing to buy something from her when she comes to their doorstep giving that threatening look of hers. I hear that she's the youngest at her company to ever make so much sales commission in just one year."
"But what about you, Sean? Jay ever try to bother you since then?"
"No. I see him around every now and then. How he's managed to keep out of jail all this time is incredible. He says he pities me that I couldn't keep up with him. Telling me I should just accept my loser heritage instead of staying in school and trying to make up for the stuff I did when I was part of his group. Says he feels too sorry for me to want to bother getting back at me for 'abandoning' him."
"That's a relief."
Neither said anything for a moment until Sean finally spoke again.
"Manny, for a couple of years there, I did a lot of things I'm not exactly proud of."
"I know the feeling."
"But I've tried to make up for it, as much as I can."
"I know you have," Manny assured him.
"And that's all in the past."
"Don't worry, Sean. All your friends know that."
"I just wanted to make sure YOU know it," Sean explained. "Because I like you. So I don't want you to think you can't trust me."
"I know I can trust you," Manny told him. "I like you, too. A lot. This is new. And right. And a little scary. I don't want to mess this up like I've done in the past."
"You're not messing up, Manny. You won't."
Sean slowly leaned toward her. Noticing this, she leaned closer to him as well. They each looked at one another as though they were silently seeking approval. Finding in one another's expressions what they were looking for, they moved even closer until their lips touched. Then, despite having already gone out on two official dates so far, the two former outcasts now engaged in their first real kiss. After it was over, they looked at one another. Both were smiling.
"Still scared?" Sean asked.
"Yeah," Manny replied. "But it's a good scared. The kind that comes with any new beginning."
Meanwhile at the institution, administrator Janet Pierson led Emma and JT down a hallway until they reached Shane's room. Pierson opened the door and found Shane sitting on his bed watching television.
"Shane? You've got some visitors here who'd like to see you."
Shane looked away from the television set and toward the woman.
"Visitors?"
"Your daughter Emma and her friend."
"Emma?" Shane asked, growing enthusiastic. "Emma's here?"
Pierson stepped into the room, then Emma and JT followed.
"Hi…Dad," Emma greeted. Though it was difficult for her to consider Shane a true father, she knew it made him feel good to hear her call him Dad.
"Emma?"
Shane stared at her. Then he looked down at a framed photograph of her taken a couple of years earlier, which sat on a table beside his bed. Then he again looked at Emma and knew for sure that it was truly his daughter.
"Emma, you're really here!"
Shane stood up, walked toward her, but stopped and turned back. He went over to the television set, turned it off and then walked back over to her.
"Yes, I'm really here," Emma confirmed. "It's good to see you."
Shane then hugged her. Afterward, Pierson approached Emma.
"I'm going back to my office. If you need anything, or if the three of you want to go down to the cafeteria, just press that button on the wall next to the light switch and either I or the floor nurse will come back for you."
"Thanks," Emma replied, after which Pierson left the room.
"How are you, Emma? It's so good to see you. It must be 2 or 3 weeks since you were here the last time."
"Actually, it's been the better part of a year. Maybe more."
"Really? Okay. It's hard to keep track of the time here sometimes."
"Sorry it's taken so long to come back," Emma said, feeling guilty.
"Don't feel bad, Emma. You're a busy girl. Have you come to take me home?"
"No. I can't do that. Anyway, you ARE home."
"Right. Of course I'm home."
"How are you, Dad?" she asked.
"Who is that?" Shane questioned, pointing to JT. "Is he a new doctor?"
"No. I've brought him here so you two could finally meet. Dad, this is my best friend and boyfriend, JT…"
"Emma," Shane interrupted before she could say JT's last name, "I'm not a little kid. You don't have to spell out words for me. Just say them. And you don't have to spell out the curse words either. I know all of them. Want to hear me recite them?"
"Uh…no, maybe some other time. I wasn't spelling out a word. JT is his name. JT Yorke."
"It's nice to meet you, Mr. McKay," JT said, extending his hand.
"You can call me Shane," the man said while shaking JT's hand. "Because that's my name. Even doctors can't change a name."
"All right. Shane it is."
"Do the letters J and T mean something?"
"James Tiberius," JT replied.
"James what?" Shane asked, looking confused.
"Tiberius," JT repeated.
Suddenly nervous, Shane stepped back from JT and turned to Emma.
"Emma?"
"Yes Dad?"
"Your friend seems to think he's a dinosaur. One of those Tiberius Rex things like in the movies on TV. Did you meet him here while you were visiting me two weeks ago? Is he another patient?"
"No, he's not a patient."
"Because I'm fine, Emma, but some of the people that live here aren't right in the head. You have to be careful."
"Tiberius is an old family name of some sort," Emma explained. "Nothing wrong, but you can see why he'd want to use only the initial."
"So he's safe?"
"The safest."
"Good." Shane, feeling more relaxed, then turned back to JT. "I'm glad to meet you, JT Rex."
"Dad, it's…"
"No, it's okay, Emma," JT told her, not feeling it necessary to correct the man.
"Why are we all standing up?" Shane asked. "The chairs work."
The three then found places to sit.
"Shane," JT began, "Emma's told me a lot of great things about you."
"Did Emma tell you that some people think I'm crazy?"
"She's told me what a nice guy you are and how glad she was when she finally found you a few years ago."
"Emma's a good girl. Been through so much. I'm stuck in here. And nobody's seen her mother Spike in years. I think she ran off with the exterminator."
"Dad," Emma interjected, "Mom is where she's always been. With me back in Toronto. She's married to Archie Simpson now, remember?"
"She is? Oh! That's right. Spike and Snake. I got it mixed up."
"So…" JT said, looking to steer the conversation in a new direction, "What do you do around here for fun?"
"I knit real good."
"That's what Emma says."
"But they only let me do it sometimes. They won't let me keep my knitting needles all the time now. They think I could hurt myself or other people."
"At least you get to use them sometimes," Emma commented.
"Yes."
"I brought you some new material. Ms. Pierson has the bag in her office. I'll give it to you before we leave."
"Thank you, Emma. You were always my favorite daughter."
"I'm your only daughter."
"See? It worked out good."
Emma couldn't help but smile.
"Also," Shane started again talking to JT, "they try to get us to do arts and crafts."
"I'm sure that must be fun," JT responded.
"No. The scissors they give you are like for little kids. You can't even get the things to cut through one sheet of paper very good. And no glue anymore since some of the others who live here used to try to sniff it."
"I'm sure you make the best of it," JT responded.
"I also got a TV. See?"
"Very nice."
"Are you two here to take me home?" Shane asked JT, not remembering that he'd already asked Emma a similar question.
"Um…it looks like you've got a nice set-up right here, Shane."
"Do you know Emma very long? I mean…Do you know her good?"
"I've known Emma since we were 4 years old."
"Wow!"
"Wow is right, Shane. And since then, it's been one adventure after another."
"You know her a lot more than me."
"You were here," Emma responded. "Don't feel bad. I understand."
"No, it's good he knows you so good," Shane told her. He then turned back to JT. "It's good you know her so good. Do you take care of her?"
"We take care of each other," JT replied.
"How old are you, JT Rex?"
"I'm 18."
"I used to be 18, too. And I think I was living here. It all goes by so fast. Sometimes slow. And then it's all over. Like nothing's happened and everything's happened. Missed out on so much. Can't be there for Emma. Wish it was different. Now she's all grown. Still love her. Always."
JT looks over at Emma, who's wiping a tear from her eye.
"You can be real proud of her, Shane."
"I am. Say, are you a new doctor here? I don't remember you."
"I'm JT. We just met today."
"Oh, yes. Of course. Emma?"
Emma stood and walked over to Shane, putting a hand on his shoulder.
"I'm right here."
"Are we going home today, Emma?"
"You're home, Dad. You're…doing fine. And you're happy. Don't forget that."