Eyes Wide Open

Disclaimer: If you recognize it, it's not mine. This story is on an AU track.

Chapter 4: Complications

The first thing Bobby realized when he woke was that he was alone in bed. The spot next to him on the bed was still warm to the touch. "Alex?"

"In here," she called out from the bathroom.

He pulled himself out of bed and walked over to join her. She was curled up on the floor, her head resting against the toilet basin. He knelt down to join her and began to rub her back. "Oh, Alex."

She closed her eyes, relaxing under his touch. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. You're sick, it's not your fault." He kissed the top of her head, moving his hand from her back to her stomach in an attempt to ease her nausea.

"Oh, that feels good," she groaned. "Thank you."

"Feeling a little better?"

She nodded. "I guess you still won't listen if I suggest you give yourself some distance before you end up catching this - whatever it is?"

"No," he said simply. "You need me."

She didn't feel well enough to continue the argument, especially since they'd had it before. She'd woken up sick a week earlier and whatever this illness was, it was extremely tenacious. Sometimes she felt fine, and then at other times she could only huddle over a toilet and wait for the nausea to subside. She'd been forcing herself to go to work, but for the first time in a long time, she was glad that she spent a lot more time behind a desk than she had at Major Case.

He stood, extending a large hand to help her up. "I've still got that box of peppermint tea," he offered.

"That sounds amazing."

"Look, I know it's pointless to tell you to stay home. Even if I think you should."

"Would you?"

"Probably not," he admitted, smiling. "But at least go see a doctor when you're done today, okay?"

"You want to know what you're in for?" she teased.

"I want to know what's making you so miserable," he corrected gently. "I know you feel bad, and I hate seeing you like that."

"Okay," she conceded, still teasing. "But if anyone asks, I'm doing it for you."

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"Long day?" Alex asked as Bobby walked through the door a few minutes after eight at night.

"Oh, you have no idea," he groaned tiredly. "One dead end after another - but only after they looked like promising enough leads for us to spend hours chasing them down." He flopped down into the armchair, then looked over at her, taking in how uneasy she looked. "What is it?"

"We need to talk," she said a little nervously.

"Okay."

"Well, I took your advice and went to the doctor," she began hesitantly.

His brow creased in concern. "And? It's serious?"

"Well, the good news for you is, it's not contagious." She took a long breath as though she was about to dive deep underwater. "Remember that night we were discussing? When we had dinner, after barely seeing each other for years?"

"Of course."

"Remember what happened next?"

"Of course I do, we -" He blamed his long day for the fact that it took him a moment to catch on to what she was saying. "We'd been drinking, we were acting on impulse, and we didn't stop to think about - you're -"

"Yep," she said softly. "I'm pregnant. I should've put it together before, but I wasn't sick like this when I had Nate." She let out a long sigh. "God, I'm still trying to get my head around it."

"What are you going to do?" he asked her softly.

"Me? I kind of thought this was a decision we ought to be making together."

He shrugged. "I'm not the one who's spent the last week on and off the bathroom floor. I can be by your side, but in the end you're the one who has to go through this. Besides, with my genetics -"

"That is not a factor," she interrupted. "When are you going to let that go? Look at you, look at how amazing you turned out. Genetics don't make a person, Bobby, and if they did, well, chances are I'd end up with a child like you, which is nothing to complain about. And even the stuff that is genetic - it's not like it was when your mom got sick. There are lots of new and more effective treatments that weren't available to her."

He reached across the couch slowly, talking her little hand and encasing it in his much larger one. "Whatever you decide, Alex, I'm here for you. The whole way."

"And if I have this baby?"

"Then I'll be there for both of you," he said simply.

For a long moment, she said nothing, staring into space. "I thought this door had closed years ago," she said finally. "I'd kind of accepted the idea that Nate had been the only baby I'd ever carry. And now to realize that it doesn't have to be..." She turned her hand slowly, lacing her fingers in with his. "And there's no one I'd rather have a child with than you. You'd be an amazing father, you know that?" She met his dark eyes. "I want this baby, Bobby. I do."

"Then I guess we'll get a chance to test your theory," he said softly.

"My theory?"

"That I'd be a good father."

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"Something on your mind?"

"Hmm?" Goren glanced over at the unit Sergeant, forcing his focus back into the squad room. "Sorry, I just got lost in thought for a minute."

"I could tell," Olivia replied lightly. "Either that or you were just really intently studying my kids." She nodded towards the picture of Eli and Noah that he'd been looking at right as he zoned out.

"You just have the two?"

"Ah, man," Fin groaned. "Don't get her started."

"Shut up, Fin," Olivia bantered back, smiling. "Your desk is over there, no one's forcing you to stay." She turned back to Goren. "The answer to your question is, it's kind of complicated."

"How so?"

"My husband was married before me; his first wife died about two years ago. They had five kids, including Eli - that's my seven-year-old, I'm in the process of formally adopting him. The other four are all adults - Eli was kind of a late-in-life surprise for Elliot and Kathy. I like them all, a lot, but I can't really think of them as my kids. For God's sake, I'm barely old enough to be their mother. I'm only fourteen years older than his oldest kid." She smiled. "You know, I was the second person who held Eli, after his mom. I was in the car with his mother, doing a favor for Elliot back when we were partners, and we got hit by a drunk driver. I got out with just cuts and bruises, but Kathy was pinned in the car and she went into labor. She gave birth in the ambulance and flatlined right after, so the EMT had me hold the baby while he worked on Kathy."

"What about the baby?"

"Noah. We found him with an unlicensed foster family while we were tracking down a kidnap victim - it turned out Noah was too, but we didn't know that until a few months later. He bounced around the foster system for awhile, and then we found his mother, only for her to end up dead a few days later. I'd been at all his family court hearings, and so the judge asked me from the bench to foster him."

"And you did."

"I thought he deserved better. I thought he was special the first time I saw him." Her cell phone beeped. "Excuse me?"

"Sure."

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Alex smiled as her boyfriend's long fingers ran gently over her stomach. "I don't think you'll be able to feel anything yet."

"I know," he replied, but he didn't remove his hand. "It's just so amazing to think about. Our child is growing in there."

"You've seen me pregnant before," she teased gently.

"Yeah." She could feel his grin against her hair as he spoke. "And I might've tried to do this then too, if I had thought for a second you'd let me." He shook his head. "But this is even more amazing. I'm still trying to get my head around the idea that we actually made a baby. I mean, of course I've known in a textbook way where babies come from since I was a kid, but this is so far beyond just knowing." He slipped his arm around her abdomen and gently pulled her back towards him. "It's incredible."

She rolled over to face him and trailed her fingers down his cheek, gently drawing his head to her and kissing him on the lips. "Yeah. It's incredible."

Twist time! I know this took awhile, but I don't want to rush these chapters, I want to get them right. I know that sometimes extends my update time, as does life getting in the way (as it did for this chapter), but if I'm going to do this I want to do it right, and this chapter actually is kind of important to the plot.

This chapter references the SVU episodes Paternity, Downloaded Child and Spring Awakening (much as I can't stand that last one).

Please review.