A/N: I swear, this was supposed to be done weeks ago, but I wrote three versions of this chapter before I was satisfied with it. Three very different versions. It's currently a little after 2am and I should really be in bed, but I wanted to finish and post this before I changed my mind again.
Also, less than two weeks (not even 7 hours less, but still) until I get to see Beyond! Sooooo excited.
High overhead, the sun shone down on a new year on the Kirk farm. With the kids all off on playdates, peace reigned. Jim sat on the yard with Bones, Sam, Aurelan, and Mom. His family was talking quite happily about kids – they had even managed to pry a couple Joanna stories out of Bones – but Jim just sat in silence, sipping at his hot chocolate, letting his mind wander to the subject of last night's revelation.
Nightmares. Sam had nightmares… about him. After all those years of apparently not caring, he actually had?
If there was one thing Jim prided himself on (but anyone and everyone knew he prided himself on many things), it was his ability to judge people. That ability had carried him through tense social encounters, diplomatic missions, hostage negotiations… Basically, it was life-saving. Sometimes, he screwed up, but never this badly… Never for thirty years. Never with someone he'd known for years.
But then… did he actually know his brother? Yeah, they'd grown up together, but they had wasted that time until all Jim remembered was an uncaring kid he was forced to live with, and then they'd been separated for nearly two decades. And everything had changed for them in those long years. They had grown up, forged careers, fallen in love, built a family and a life and a home for themselves. No one stayed the same after all of that, even if their younger selves were accurately remembered.
So honestly, he could've screwed up that badly. He did screw up that badly.
Jim set his mug down. "Can we talk, Sam?"
Sam looked up, confusion and maybe a hint of eagerness flashing in his gaze. "Yeah," he replied, letting Aurelan sit up before he got up. Mom took her arm from around Jim as he stood up, but her hand hovered near him until he was securely on his feet and walking away with his brother.
"You're hovering," Jim muttered.
"Sorry," Sam said, edging to the right a bit. "But you were just-"
"I'm not gonna collapse, ok?" Jim insisted, firm but not unkind. "I'm not some fragile butterfly."
"I know that. Hell, you're probably the galaxy's strongest butterfly."
"Thanks. I think."
"You're welcome, butterfly."
Jim rolled his eyes. "Seriously?"
Sam grinned, gesturing at Jim's eyes. "Only butterflies should sport that shade of blue."
Jim batted his eyelashes. "All the better to attract girls with."
"Playboy," Sam teased. Then he paled. "Jane has that same eye color. So do the twins."
"Good luck with the teen years."
"They are not taking after you."
"Why wouldn't they want to be famous starship captains?"
"Does McCoy ever punch you? I feel like he does."
"He settles for stabbing me with hypos. He's gotten very inventive about how he sneaks up on me to do it. Spock has nearly killed me twice, though."
Sam shot him a confused, incredulous look. "Wha- You know what, I'm just not gonna question it."
"That's probably smart," Jim conceded. "The second time is pretty awkward to explain."
Sam shook his head. "Why are we walking aimlessly through the property?"
Jim sobered, suddenly missing the banter that had come surprisingly easily. "Because I wanted to talk."
"Right," Sam said, mirth fading from his tone as well. "About what?"
"About, um… About last night," Jim mumbled.
"Oh. That. The nightmares."
"I just… I didn't think you had any about that."
Sam slowed to a halt, his hands tucked in his jean pockets, his head down. "It starts in the day. We would be in the living room, and you'd be video chatting with a bunch of your friends. You'd have this enormous, ridiculously happy grin on your face. And then Frank walks in, and suddenly it's night, and then he's beating you up for whatever crappy reason and your friends and happiness are gone. And then I hear Dad saying I should've done something, that I should've fought for you."
You should've, was the first thing that popped into Jim's mind, but he stopped the words from escaping his lips. Hindsight was 20-20, after all – other factors had been in consideration all those years ago. "You were just a kid, too."
"I know that, but…"
"Sam, I get it. You don't-"
Sam's head snapped up. "You shouldn't get it. There were so many things I could've done, but I did none of them because I was a coward. I still am."
"You're n-"
"I didn't want you in my house because I knew you were a brilliant person and I was scared it would make Aurelan realize-"
"Sam, no," Jim cut him off. "I see the way she looks at you when you're being bullheaded. It's the same way Uhura looks at Spock. She knows you're flawed, she knows there are other men that are probably easier to love, but she still loves you. She's never gonna give up on you, ok? Besides, I may be many questionable things, but I'm not a woman-stealer. And not wanting to lose the woman you love doesn't make you a coward."
"Maybe not, but being scared of you does."
Jim met his brother's gaze. "You got over it, didn't you? I'm here. We're talking. Cowards don't face their fears."
Sam shrugged. "Doesn't change the fact that I was one when we were kids. Well, when you were a kid. I was fifteen when the beatings started – plenty old enough to know what to do."
"You were scared, too," Jim pointed out. "You were right. You didn't know you were safe. And if you'd told, you might not have been."
"You were more scared, Jim. You were eleven. You lived with knowing that you definitely would have been hurt for things beyond your control. And I did nothing. For years."
Jim opened his mouth, but he couldn't find anything to say.
"Dad… Dad is gone. Protecting you… That's my job. It shouldn't have taken 31 years to realize that. It shouldn't have taken some stranger finally taking care of you to teach me what being a big brother means. What being your big brother means."
Silence fell as they comprehended Sam's words. And then Sam wrapped Jim in a hug.
Jim had been hugged many times over the last few years. He had been hugged by Pike, Bones, Uhura, Chekov, Carol, Mom. He had been hugged in relief, joy, love, grief, excitement. When Chekov hugged him, he felt happy that he could help the kid. When the others hugged him, he felt safe. When any of them hugged him, he felt loved. He enjoyed all of the hugs, even when the other person's enthusiasm exasperated any injuries he may have.
But this hug… Everything melted away. Their history, their pain, their rage. All that existed was a pair of brothers standing in a field that had witnessed horrors, but had also witnessed love. And in his big brother's arms, Jim only felt the love. The love of a family that was once broken, but now healed, and somehow that made their bond so much stronger.
"The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb."
And when people had both blood and water…
"I love you," Sam whispered with the heat of a promise.
"I love you, too," Jim whispered with the acceptance of forgiveness.
-LLAP-
Jim and Sam had returned an hour ago, and the tension between them had all but vanished. Now Jim was actively participating in the storytelling, though Leonard had taken up the current tale. Aurelan was tucked in Sam's arm, listening with a grin on her face. In fact, everyone but Jim had a grin on their face.
"And I run in to tell him how to get the tribbles to stop breeding, and he's literally up to his neck in tribbles. I have never seen a man look so annoyed while standing in a pile of purring fuzzballs," Leonard explained through his laughter.
Jim sighed. "They weren't purring, Bones, they were dead."
Leonard refused to let Jim dampen his mood. "You were standing in a pile of fuzz, Jim. No one in their right mind is annoyed by standing in a pile of fuzz."
"You would be annoyed if dozens of tribbles had just rained down on your head. And there were more still falling on me."
"No, I wouldn't."
"You get annoyed at everything else."
"No, I get annoyed at you all the time because you're an idiot."
"I have a genius-level IQ."
"Doesn't mean you use it."
"Hey-"
"Ok, boys," Winona cut in, albeit smiling. "Jim, why don't you go get us some more hot chocolate?"
Jim practically leapt at the opportunity to get up. Sam moved to follow him.
"Sam, I don't need a babysitter."
"I don't care."
"I'm fine."
"Do you even know where the hot chocolate is?"
"I'll find it."
"Not the way Aurelan organizes everything."
On they went, bickering the whole way. Aurelan couldn't even find the energy to scold her husband – she didn't want to break this newfound peace the two brothers had.
"And that's how you know they're brothers," Winona observed. She too was watching them walk to the house, and she was more content than Aurelan had ever seen her.
"The Kirk family is back together," Leonard murmured.
"Are you jealous, Leonard?" Aurelan teased.
Leonard sipped at his hot chocolate. "Nope. I'm the one who has to live on his ship and patch him up all the time; I'm perfectly happy to let someone else take care of the idiot every now and then."
Aurelan chuckled. "If it's so annoying, you could just transfer."
"It would be a more peaceful life," Leonard mused.
"Don't you dare leave my son in the care of another doctor," Winona scolded.
"Trust me, I know how much both he and Spock need me to patch them up. In regards to working with allergies and half Vulcan, half human biology, I'm the most qualified doctor in Starfleet," Leonard informed them wearily.
"At least you're never bored," Aurelan supplied cheerfully.
Leonard rolled his eyes. "A small blessing I'd rather do without sometimes."
"You know, they're taking a while," Aurelan commented, eyeing the door.
"Jim probably managed to hurt himself," Leonard joked drily. "That man really does need a babysitter."
"I'm going to go make sure they didn't start trying to kill each other again," Aurelan said, getting up. But when she stepped into the living room, she heard a conversation she didn't understand.
"Jim, you don't have to be scared of him anymore," Sam insisted.
"He nearly killed me," Jim retorted, his voice shaky.
"You can fight back now, Jim."
"I can't fight the nightmares," Jim hissed. "He's not even in jail anymore. He got parole for good behavior."
"He's not allowed anywhere near us, and if he breaks that rule, you won't fight him alone this time," Sam promised.
"Fight who?" Aurelan asked, stepping into the kitchen.
Jim practically jumped out of his skin, flinching back against the counter and crossing his arms tighter. Sam almost shifted protectively in front of his little brother before realizing it was only Aurelan.
"You want her to know?" Sam asked Jim quietly. Aurelan bit her lip to hold back a demand to know.
Jim shook his head, not looking at either of them.
"She'll find out eventually," Sam murmured.
"You tell her, then," Jim ground out.
"It's your story to tell," Sam coaxed.
Jim flashed a glance at his brother, then to Aurelan, and finally to the room behind her. "We… We had a stepfather once. For a few years."
"You did?" Aurelan exclaimed. "No one told me that."
"Because he's someone we'd rather forget," Sam explained.
"Why?" Aurelan pressed, even knowing she would hate the answer.
Jim pointed at the living room; his hand was shaking. "Over there is where he nearly killed me."
"What?" Aurelan whispered hoarsely.
"He was a drunk with anger management issues," Jim managed to explain. "When Mom was offworld, anyway. And I was his… his punching bag. If he ran out of alcohol, it was my fault. If I couldn't fix the farm equipment, he'd beat me and banish me to the shed with no food or sleep. If my grades slipped, if I napped or ate without his permission, I'd get beaten. If I dared to crack a damn smile, he would punch it off my face. And one day when I was thirteen, I drove Dad's antique Corvette off a cliff after running from a cop, so after Frank picked me up from jail, he almost killed me under the TV."
Sam gently wrapped one arm around his brother and held him close. Jim leaned against him, his breaths shuddering.
"Oh my God," Aurelan breathed. "That's… That's only one of the terrible things that happened when you were thirteen?"
Jim stiffened. "What do you know about that?"
"Leonard only told me there were two defining events," she explained hastily. "What… what's the other one?" What could possibly be worse?
"Not now," Sam warned his wife. Jim was now visibly shaking against him.
"Ok," Aurelan agreed. She stepped over to kiss Jim's cheek, and he grabbed her hand and held tight. Tucked between his brother and sis, he stood there, his breaths shaky. Eventually, Winona and Leonard came inside, and only after they joined the group hug did Jim manage to calm down. They managed to coax him to the couch to take a nap, despite his protests, where he slept without nightmares, safe with his family.
A/N: I don't know how I feel about that ending. Or the whole Aurelan POV section, really. Anyways, I'm thinking the next chapter will be the last, and if it somehow ends up not being the last, my goal is to finish by the time I see Beyond, because at that point I'll most likely become hopelessly embroiled in writing fanfic about what happens during the movie and I'd rather not leave you guys hanging for long periods of time again.