Eyes Wide Open

Disclaimer: If you recognize it, it's not mine. This story is on an AU track.

Chapter 8: The Storm

Bobby had known when he'd seen the car parked in front of the building that he wouldn't be alone in his apartment, a knowledge that was only confirmed when he saw her bag sitting on the kitchen table. "Alex?" he called out softly, not wanting to wake her if she was sleeping.

When he didn't get a reply, he checked the bedroom. It was empty, but the clothes she'd been wearing that morning were in a pile on the floor. In the next moment, he realized he could hear the sound of water running in the bathroom.

There was no logical reason for her to be showering after work, not when she'd showered that morning and had likely spent most of her day behind a desk. Concern flooded him immediately, becoming even more pronounced when he saw the steam that was coming out from under the bathroom door. He tapped on it gently. "Alex?"

"Bobby?" she called back.

"Can I come in?" Even under normal circumstances, he would have asked. The last thing he'd ever want would be to make her uncomfortable. And now, after everything she'd been through, the idea of invading her privacy was repulsive to him on every level.

"Okay," she said softly.

He pushed the door open and was immediately hit by a cloud of steam. As it cleared, he was able to make out Alex's frame. She was sitting on the floor of the tub as the shower rained down over her, her skin red from the hot water, and he instantly ran to her side. "Alex, what are you doing?"

"I'm sorry," she said quickly. "I thought I could shower and be done before you got home."

"Alex -" That was so far beside the point that he didn't even know where to start. It didn't help that as she sat there, he was getting his first look at the deep bruising across her back that Sebastian had left when he'd pinned her against the wall. Anger and grief welled up in him all over again.

She looked up at him finally, and her red eyes told him that the dampness on her cheeks wasn't just from the shower. "I'm sorry," she said again.

"Shh, don't apologize," he said gently. "This isn't your fault."

"I can't get him off me," she whispered, finally answering his question. "I've scrubbed and scrubbed, but I can still smell him all over me - feel him on my body -" she choked. "I can't get rid of him. Oh, God, I can't get rid of him."

Then her shoulders hitched and she began sobbing in earnest. The breakdown she'd been fighting off since she'd come to at the bottom of the garage stairs refused to be held at bay any longer. Her composure slipped away as quickly and completely as if it had been melted away by the hot spray from the showerhead.

And then Bobby was there. Fully clothed right down to his shoes, Bobby climbed into the tub with her, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her close. "Oh, sweetheart," he whispered. "I've got you now. I've got you now. You're safe." He whispered the words over and over again as he held her tightly against him, just letting her tears fall as the shower rained down on both of them.

"I'm sorry," she whispered when her tears were spent and she felt like she was starting to regain control of herself. "Now you're all wet."

"Don't worry about it." He pressed his lips gently to her forehead. "I don't care, Alex. I just want to help you any way I can." He kissed her forehead again. "Will you let me help you?"

She looked up at him, the fear and vulnerability in her eyes breaking his heart all over again. "How?"

Bobby reached for her washcloth. "Let me try to wash him off you," he suggested. "Maybe it'll help if someone else does it."

She hesitated for a moment, but even through all of this, Bobby's touch had been only comforting. "Okay."

He read her fears as clearly as if she'd spoken them aloud. "I only want to help you," he reiterated. "If anything hurts, if it scares you, you just tell me and I'll stop. I promise."

He brought the washcloth up to her face, gently wiping away what remained of her tear tracks, and then slowly began to work his way down. "Is this okay?"

"Yes," she whispered. As improbable as it was, it seemed to be working. His delicate touches seemed to wash away the lingering feel of her attacker on her skin better than all her scrubbing had done. A small sigh escaped her lips as he worked, and a little of the tension ebbed from her body. "Thank you."

xxxxxxxxx

By the time Bobby had finished changing out of his wet clothes, Alex was already lying on her back on the bed, her eyes almost closed. He sat down slowly, careful to avoid doing anything that might startle her. "Alex?"

She opened her eyes a little. "Yeah?"

"Have you eaten?"

"Not hungry," she mumbled, letting her eyes close again. "Just tired."

"I know, sweetheart," he replied gently. "I know you're tired, but try to stay awake for a little bit, okay?" Her eyes fluttered back open, and he continued. "I know you don't feel hungry right now, but you didn't eat last night, you barely touched your breakfast, and I'm going to guess you didn't have lunch." The look on her face was all the confirmation he needed. "You need to eat, Alex. You can't do this to yourself, especially not now." He ran his fingers gently across her rounded abdomen. "You're already having trouble gaining enough weight because you've been so sick."

Alex looked as though she was about to respond, but then she gasped suddenly, wide awake in an instant.

"What?" Bobby asked, feeling his concern levels spike again. But then he felt it too, an unmistakable flutter under his hand. "The baby's kicking."

"Yeah," she whispered, and then for the briefest of moments a smile crossed her lips. It was tiny, and it was gone almost before he registered it, but it was a smile. But then he saw her face fall. "This isn't going to fix everything, Bobby."

"I know," he assured her, unable to stop himself from thinking of Gage, puttering on as if nothing had changed while his wife suffered under the same roof. How could anyone be so oblivious to a person they claim to love? "I'm not expecting it to. I know there's no magic fix for what happened to you, as much as I wish there was. And I'll be here for you the whole way. I promise you that." He laid a very light kiss on her lips. "I know you mean it when you say you don't feel hungry. But your body still needs food. The baby needs food."

"Okay," she said finally. "I'll try."

xxxxxxxxx

Bobby's cooking was as good as ever, but to Alex, everything tasted like sawdust. She managed to force down about half of the plate of scrambled eggs he'd made for her before her stomach threatened to rebel. "I'm sorry," she mumbled, pushing the plate away. "I really can't eat any more. I'll get sick."

"It's okay," he soothed. "At least you've got something in your system now. I'm not going to ask you to do more than you're able to, I never would."

"Can we go to bed now?" she asked softly. "I know it's early but I'm just so tired."

"I know you are." He quickly placed the dishes in the sink and then walked with her to the bedroom.

She laid back quickly, but after a few moments, she looked over at him. "I'm scared, Bobby. I don't want to go back there."

Tears jumped to his eyes. "Oh, Alex." He reached out for her, and she eagerly allowed him to gather her up in his arms. There was nothing else he could say. He could hold and comfort her while she slept, but he couldn't stop the direction her unconscious mind would take her dreams.

She buried her head in his chest. "It hurts," she admitted. "It hurts so much."

"I know it does." He rubbed her back gently.

"I'm sorry," she whispered into his shoulder. "I'm sorry for all of this."

"I keep telling you, sweetheart. You have nothing to apologize for."

"I should've been paying attention," she whispered. "If I'd just been paying a little more attention - if I'd gone straight back to the office instead of stopping - none of this would've happened. Instead, I'm a complete wreck and I know I'm hurting you too."

"Alex!" The shocked, horrified exclamation slipped from his lips before he could stop it. "Alex, no," he continued more softly. "No, sweetheart. This isn't your fault. None of this is your fault." He pressed a kiss to the top of her head. "And you're not a wreck."

"What do you call my meltdown in the shower?" she retorted bitterly.

"Understandable," he responded evenly. "You said it yourself. You're really hurting right now; that's bound to come out sometime, and that's not a bad thing. It's better for it to come out than for you to hold all that hurt inside. You're safe here, Alex. If you need to cry, even if you need to fall apart for a little while, it's okay. I'll be here for you."

"It's hurting you," she protested weakly.

"It hurts me that this happened," he corrected gently. "I love you, Alex, so much. Of course it hurts me that you're hurting. That doesn't make it your fault, and that doesn't mean I don't want to be here for you." He stroked her cheek gently. "Go to sleep, Alex. I'll be right here."

xxxxxxxxx

"Hey, Eames!"

She looked up sharply, just barely able to control the visible startle reaction. "Yeah?"

"Sorry to bother you, but upstairs says you need to move your car. Something about leaving that spot open for visiting brass." He shrugged. "I still don't know why you didn't just park in the garage to begin with. That's what those permits are for, you know."

"Thank you," she said a little shortly. "I'll take care of it."

The officer withdrew, looking a little bewildered, and Alex knew why. She had never been one to let her rank or command position drive a wedge between her and the people she supervised; she'd made it clear from day one that while she knew there would be times she'd have to make command decisions and give orders, she considered them all equals. But right now, her heart was racing and she was having a hard time maintaining her outward composure.

"Hey," Carolyn said from behind her; Alex had forgotten that the other woman was there. "You look busy," she continued nonchalantly. "Give me your keys, I'll deal with the car."

"Yeah. Okay." Despite her best efforts, she couldn't keep the relief that was crashing over her out of her voice. She pulled out the keys and handed them to Carolyn. "Thanks."

Carolyn was back in five minutes, setting the keys down on her friend's desk. "Thanks," Alex mumbled again. "I'm sorry."

"Hey, it's no big deal," Carolyn said easily.

"Carolyn," Alex said softly. "I know I'm not technically allowed to give you orders, but - don't feel sorry for me."

"I don't." Carolyn sat down on the edge of Alex's desk in what almost might have seemed a casual gesture, giving the officers outside only a view of her back and partially blocking Alex from their view as well. "I'm just being a friend."

"Right," Alex said skeptically. "Because it's completely normal for one friend to have to run interference to prevent the other one from having a panic attack."

"Sometimes," Carolyn replied, undeterred. "Friends look out for each other. You'd do it for me, we both know that." She let that hang in the air for a moment before she let a small smile come across her face. "And by the way, can I offer a little friendly advice?"

"What?"

"Those jackets aren't going to cut it much longer," she said, letting her smile widen a little. "At some point, you actually will have to tell the office that you're pregnant."

Alex blushed a little. "How long have you known?"

"About a month, but I work with you a lot more than everyone else. I'd say you have another few weeks before they start putting it together."

"Thanks for the heads-up." Alex was smiling a little now too, finding comfort in the simple, ordinary conversation.

"How long did it take last time?"

"Last time, I just told them within the first few months."

"So what's changed?" Carolyn pressed. "Or did you just decide after you'd done it that telling them had been a bad idea?"

"Both," Alex admitted. "They did coddle me way too much, and I was ten years younger then, in better shape for pregnancy with fewer risks than I am now. But also, being a surrogate for my sister was something I could be proud of, as Bobby and Deakins kept reminding me. This pregnancy was a complete accident," she admitted, "and it's not like we've been dating all that long. While he and I are dealing with it just fine, that's not something I'm looking forward to explaining to everyone who asks me who the father is - and you know they will."

"They will," Carolyn agreed. She looked about to say more when Alex noticed someone in the doorway. "Yes?"

"Lieutenant? Line three. It sounds urgent."

So, yeah. A lot of fluff without much plot, but I like it.

For those wondering, Barek will be making occasional appearances throughout this story, and as things stand right now, Logan may show up briefly near the end. Both of them will have bigger roles in subsequent stories.

This chapter references the Criminal Intent episode Undaunted Mettle.

Please review!