Eyes Wide Open
Disclaimer: If you recognize it, it's not mine. This story is on an AU track.
Chapter 9: Normal and Otherwise
Alex nearly collapsed in the armchair the moment she walked through the front door, bringing Bobby instantly to her side. "Alex? Are you -" He cut himself off before he could finish what he knew was a pointless question. "Never mind."
"Have I mentioned I hate this?" she said weakly.
He couldn't even bring himself to smile at her weak attempt at a joke. "Oh, sweetheart, I know you do." He kissed her forehead gently. "Did something happen?"
She nodded. "They wouldn't let me keep my car on the street. Carolyn - Carolyn had to move it for me."
Thank you, Carolyn. "I'm sure she didn't mind."
"She played it off like it was no big deal," Alex confirmed, "but then at the end of the day, I had to get the car to drive home. She'd parked near the door and she walked with me, but even so, I almost couldn't do it." She buried her face in her hands. "It's bad enough I developed an irrational fear because of what happened to me, but why did it have to be something that's such a huge part of life?"
He reached out and stroked her arm in what he hoped was a comforting motion. "I know this is hard to believe, Alex, but it's not going to be like this forever."
"You can't know that."
"Actually, I can. When was the last time you jumped at hearing a curtain slide open or closed?"
"In the hospital," she admitted, "just after -"
"That doesn't count," he interrupted gently. "You were already upset, and probably remembering because of the smell. What about before that?"
"I - I don't know," she admitted. "I guess it had been awhile. I've never - I've never liked that sound, not since the basement, but it doesn't make me jump out of my skin the way it used to." She considered that for a moment. "I guess that's your point, isn't it?"
"Yes," he confirmed. "I know this is hard for you, Alex, and I know that where you are right now, it's hard to see yourself in any other place than this one. But you've been in this place before, and you got out of it. I believe - I know - that you can do it again."
She reached for his hand, bringing it to her cheek. "When we started dating, I guess this isn't exactly what you had in mind."
"I don't care," he insisted, squeezing Alex's hand where it held his to her face. "God knows you've been on the other end of this, after my mom died, and Frank, and after Donnie disappeared. I'd be here for you no matter what, even if we weren't a couple. And I'm glad that we are. I love you, Alex. I've loved you for years. You don't know what a relief it is to finally be able to tell you that."
She looked up at him and managed a real, if weak, smile. "Actually, I think I do."
He reached across the chair's armrest, pulling her head into his chest. "Yeah," he amended, "I think you do."
"The real question is," she added into his shirt, "are you ready to tell my family that you love me?"
Her family. In all the chaos, he'd forgotten that her sister's birthday party was that weekend, the party at which they'd planned to tell the Eames family that they were together and that Alex would be adding another child into the mix before the end of the year. "Are you sure you still want to do that?"
"For - for a little while. My family's already going to be upset that I waited this long to tell them about the baby. And it's been awhile since I've seen Nate."
"Then we'll go," he whispered into her hair. "But if you get tired or want to leave, just let me know and I'll make up some excuse. Okay?"
"Okay."
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The party was in full swing, a few people spilling out onto the front lawn, by the time Alex and Bobby pulled up in her car. She parked across the street from the house, and Bobby reached out to squeeze her hand before they got out.
"Remember," he mumbled. "I'm your escape hatch."
"Yeah," she murmured back.
"Aunt Alex!" A voice cried out.
"Hey!" she called back urgently, putting up her hand. "You stay there!" She checked to make sure it was clear, and then crossed the street, Bobby trailing close behind.
Her nephew threw his arms around her waist. "I missed you!"
"I know you did," she replied, softening as she hugged him back. "I missed you too. But you were about to cross the street without looking, weren't you?"
"Yeah," he admitted.
"Don't do that," she admonished. "I don't want you to get hurt."
"Okay. You're not going to tell my mom, are you?"
"I think we can let it slide this time."
The boy, meanwhile, had realized who else was there with his aunt. "Bobby!" He let go of Alex and threw himself at the man.
"Hi, Nate." Bobby reached down and lifted the child into his arms. Because of his friendship and partnership with Alex, he had known Nate since the day the child was born, and despite not actually being related to him, he'd been something of a fixture in the boy's life.
"Alex? Alex!" Her sister appeared in the doorway. "I thought I heard Nate call your name."
"Hey, Liz." She embraced her sister warmly. "Happy birthday."
"Oh, my God!" the woman said loudly, pulling back from Alex to visually confirm what she'd felt. "When exactly were you going to tell me about -?" she indicated her sister's rounded belly.
"Today, actually," Alex replied. "I think you may have just blown my big announcement." She should've expected it, she realized. Liz had seen her nearly every day during her first pregnancy, she knew exactly what Alex looked like when she was pregnant.
"Nah," Liz replied offhandedly. "It's turning into a zoo in there. Nobody heard me. But do you really think Dad isn't going to notice? Or our brothers, who have nine kids between the three of them? Face it, little sister. Your announcement will be ruined the second you walk through the door." Then she hugged Alex again. "Congratulations, honey. I'm happy for you."
"Thanks."
"And who -" Liz's sentence trailed off as she got a look past Alex to where her former partner was still playing with Nate. "Never mind. Stupid question. Well, at least Dad likes him."
"Dad's going to freak, isn't he?" Alex said ruefully.
"Probably a little," Liz admitted. "I mean, you may be over forty but you're still his baby girl. But how many times has he ragged on you about having kids? Just remind him of that if he starts complaining too much."
She ran her fingers gently over her abdomen and the child she knew was growing inside. "Yeah, I have a feeling he's going to forget all his complaints the second he has another grandchild to hold and spoil."
"You didn't answer my question, you know," Liz teased. "You actually expected to keep this a secret until you were ready to make the announcement?"
"My coworkers haven't picked up on it yet," Alex objected, "and I see them almost every day."
"Then either they don't have kids or they don't have any powers of observation," Liz countered. "Or both. Come on."
"Who's there?" called a familiar voice. But the source of the voice was clearly not waiting for anyone to call back. In a few moments, John Eames was standing in the doorway.
Alex was vaguely aware that Bobby had come up behind her, but all of her attention was focused on her father as he looked her up and down, clearly catching exactly what Liz had. "Hi, dad," she finally managed.
"This isn't some kind of joke," he asked slowly, "is it?"
"No, Dad." Alex shook her head slowly. "You, um, you know that grandchild you keep giving me a hard time about?" She chewed her lower lip. "In five months you won't be able to anymore."
"And you waited four months to tell me?" he asked a little sharply.
"There's been a lot going on," she said softly, trying to gauge his reaction. "First I just wanted to be sure nothing would go wrong, and then -"
But she was cut off when he closed the distance between them and wrapped her up in his arms. "My baby girl is having a baby," he whispered.
"Yeah," she whispered back. She didn't need to see him to know that he was smiling. "You're going to be a grandfather again."
He stepped back, letting her see the grin that spit his face in two. "And who, besides the baby, should I be welcoming into the family?"
"Too late for that, Dad," she said softly, looking over her shoulder. "You and Mom did that a long time ago." It was absolutely true, she thought as she watched her father process this new bit of information. As soon as they'd learned that their daughter's new partner didn't have much family, her parents had taken to inviting him over for just about every holiday that existed.
She watched the interaction between them carefully, ready to jump in if it looked like trouble was brewing. But after studying Bobby for a few moments, her father started smiling again. "I think if Katherine was here," he said, his face softening at the mention of his late wife, "she'd say it was damn well time."
"She would?" Alex asked, seeing her own shock mirrored on Bobby's face.
"Your mother," he told Alex, "started saying it was plain as day that you two loved each other something like four years after you first started working together. And then she said it so many times I lost count." He hugged Alex again, and then moved past her to stand directly in front of Bobby. "You're not going anywhere, are you?"
"Dad!" Alex protested.
But Bobby answered the question evenly. "No, sir, I'm not. I love Alex, and I love our baby, and we want to raise him or her together. Your wife - Katherine - she was right. I've loved Alex for a long time. Even if this baby hadn't happened, I wouldn't be going anywhere. Not now that we finally have a chance to be together."
Even from behind him, Alex could see the change in her father's posture that told her Bobby had just said exactly the right thing, an observation that was confirmed when he stepped forward and put both his hands on the younger man's shoulders. "Then congratulations. Both of you," he added, looking at Alex, and now his smile could have lit up the entire county. "Come on, you two. We can't be leaving the family in the dark!"
Alex looked over at Bobby, and he was gratified to see a genuine smile on her lips. "Well, that went better than I expected."
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An hour later, Alex wished she'd kept her mouth shut. While she knew rationally that it was coincidence, the more emotional part of her mind couldn't help thinking that her optimistic words on the porch had somehow jinxed the relatively good way the gathering had started out.
Her father had been completely unable to contain his excitement at what Alex had told him, or stop himself from sharing the news with everyone he met, and Alex and Bobby had quickly become the center of a large amount of attention. She had realized quickly that Bobby seemed concerned, and he'd admitted after a little prying that he was worried she was overwhelmed. But, as she had quickly assured him, she hadn't been. Growing up in the Eames family, she had been used to crowds of this size all her life, and somehow, being around this one was only helping to restore her sense of normalcy, helping her to see for the first time since that fateful day in the garage that the world hadn't stopped turning.
It had been only after things had settled down that disaster had struck. Someone - Alex hadn't even seen who - had begun passing around a scarf that had belonged to one of their elderly relatives. It was a beautiful and expensive-looking item, but right away, something about it had made her uneasy. Unfortunately, it hadn't been until the item was in her hands that she'd figured out what it was.
A memory had overwhelmed her then, a memory of standing beside Bobby at a crime scene, examining the body of a young woman. "You smell that?" he had asked. "It's like a scent - body lotion - rose petals..."
"But not a young woman's scent," she had replied. "It's Pierre LaRitz, my Aunt Grace used it."
Instant panic flooded her. All at once, she felt trapped by the huge number of people around her. She couldn't breathe. She couldn't think. Pure instinct had driven her to jump to her feet and run, desperately looking for somewhere, anywhere, that wasn't full of people.
"Alex?"
The deep, gentle voice reached her through the fog of fear. After a few moments, her panicked mind was able to put a name to the voice. "Bobby?"
"Yes, sweetheart, I'm here," he soothed. "You're safe now. Just focus on the sound of my voice, okay? Come on, Alex."
He kept talking, soft words of reassurance, and she did as he had suggested and focused on those words. It was working, she realized quickly. The panic was subsiding and she was becoming more aware of where she was - which, she realized in that moment, was on the floor of a bathroom. "How did I get here?"
"You just got up and ran when you smelled that scarf," he told her. "As soon as I picked up on the smell, I knew what had happened and I ran after you."
"I don't remember," she whispered, knowing that the fear that fact elicited was plain in her voice. "I just remember the fear - and then I was here."
"It's okay." He reached a hand out slowly, silently asking permission to touch her, and she leaned towards him, letting him know it was okay. He cupped her face in his hand, stroking her cheek with his thumb. "When you're scared, sometimes you don't think. You just act."
"But there's no reason to be scared here," she protested weakly.
"Yes, there is," he replied gently. "You're right that there's nothing to be afraid of, but your fear - you smelled something that reminded you of one of the worst things that's ever happened to you. Those memories are enough of a reason to be afraid." He took her into his arms, and it was only then that she realized she was shaking. "I'm here for you, Alex," he whispered, "and you're going to be okay. And it's okay to be scared."
"It happened in front of my entire family," she whispered back. "I wasn't even sure I was going to tell Dad or Liz, how I could tell them, and now everyone saw, and they know something's going on." She noticed a smile pulling at his lips, even as he was clearly trying to fight it. "What?"
"Think about it. Thanks to your dad, everyone in this house knows you're pregnant. And I doubt any of them actually realized you were upset or scared. So what they saw -"
"Was a pregnant woman running to the bathroom," Alex finished, starting to smile too.
"Exactly." He rubbed her back gently, his heart warmed by seeing her smile.
She leaned her head against his shoulder. "I'm really tired all of a sudden."
"You want to leave?"
"Yeah," she admitted. "I don't think I have the energy for this family anymore."
He couldn't help another smile at that. "Okay. You just wait here; I'll let everyone know."
Wow. Okay, that chapter was a lot harder than I thought it was going to be. Although I'm sure part of it is that this whole 40-hour-workweek thing is seriously cutting into my writing time. (Not really complaining though; it's nice to have a job.) As for update schedule, I've already mentioned that I don't have one. I post chapters as I finish them. In response to one of my reviews, yes, I updated A New Reality last week but before that, that story had been waiting longer than this one. The timeline on that and the timeline on this are completely independent of each other.
Katherine Eames' first name is completely made up. Like Rebecca Gage, she was never given a first name on the show, so I picked a fairly generic first name for her. As for Alex's sister, despite her name never being mentioned on the show, all my research seems to indicate that it's canonical that her name is Liz, so that's the name I used.
As for John, I know he came off a little cold in the one episode (The Last Street In Manhattan) that he appeared in, but by then I'd read so many fanfics with him as a nice guy that I just couldn't picture him as completely cold and surly, not to mention I couldn't reconcile that image with the amount of respect and admiration Alex clearly has for him. So my way of explaining it is to work off the premise that Alex's mother died during what would've been Season 9 of the show (which sort of makes sense; Alex implies her mother is still alive in Season 4, but by Season 10 her father is clearly alone, and there's no mention on the show of her mother dying which means it would've had to have happened during a time when Alex wasn't on the show). By this point, which would be three years after his appearance on the show, I'm going to say that he's doing better and therefore would be able to display the emotions he shows in this chapter.
As for the SVU part of this, all I can say is: holy plot twists! As I've mentioned before, in this timeline Murphy is the Lieutenant and CO, while Olivia is Sergeant, so all of the drama around Olivia as CO and her Lieutenant's exam doesn't exist here. As for Rollins' pregnancy, I haven't decided yet what I want to do with that. Since that happened in late 2015 according to the series timeline, and this story is set in 2014 and A New Reality is set in 2013, I have a little time to figure that out. If I do go ahead with that subplot, however, it will definitely be Amaro's child, since their relationship is a lot more serious in this series than on the show.
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