Eyes Wide Open

Disclaimer: If you recognize it, it's not mine. This story is on an AU track.

Chapter 14: It's Over But Not Done

Her eyelids felt heavy and stuck together. Her arm and abdomen were consumed with a dull throbbing. There was an irritating beeping filling the room, and a strange, sanitized smell.

She forced her eyes to open. At first, it was a blur of colors and lights, but things quickly came into focus. The machines, the white ceiling, the florescent lights. She was sure now; it was a hospital.

She tried to sit up, but even apart from the pain, her body felt limp and weak and she was barely able to raise her head from the pillow. Immediately, she heard someone move, and then a familiar face came into view. "Alex? You're awake?"

"Dad?" she replied, realizing as she said it how weak and raspy her voice sounded.

"Yes, I'm here."

"What happened?" she demanded. "Where's Bobby?"

"He'll be here in a little while," her father soothed

Alex could tell right away that there was something going on he wasn't saying. "What aren't you telling me?"

John drew a slow breath. "He's with your daughter," he said finally.

"Oh, my God." Her hand immediately went to her abdomen; she could feel that what had been a firm, rounded mass just that morning was now soft and floppy and smaller than it had been. "What happened to my baby?"

"She's okay," he said gently, running a hand through his daughter's hair. "She's in the NICU but she's stable. Bobby's been keeping me updated. He'll be down to see you soon."

Alex began to cry then, as hard as she could in her weakened state, and John could only continue to stroke her hair as she sobbed herself to sleep.

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"Is that Tucker in there with Murphy?" Rollins asked as they walked back to the squad room, peering around the partially closed blind. "Looks like it's getting pretty heated."

"That's Tucker all right," Fin commented. "Showed up a little after you two went up to the crib. Which, by the way, was about twenty minutes ago. What were you doing up there?"

The blonde blushed crimson at the implication, and Fin only laughed. But the senior detective sobered up quickly when he saw the darkening spot on her face. "You okay, Amanda?"

"Fine," she replied quickly. "My face is gonna hurt for a few days, but I'm fine. No broken bones or loose teeth. What are they all fired up about?"

"The big one is Murphy letting the shooter leave the premises after the incident went down - unfortunately, he's probably right on that one," Fin admitted with a grimace. "That's way out of bounds. The other is the fact that a civilian contractor took the shot."

"That might mitigate the first one a little bit," Amaro mused, "but it also opens up another can of worms." He cringed. "Like how Goren got his hands on my gun. I'm probably going to catch hell for that one."

"I have one officer dead!" Murphy's shout came straight through the glass, immediately silencing all other conversations. "Two more in the hospital! Don't think I don't know how big of a cluster this is! But the two people who are responsible for this disaster are lying in the morgue! What more are you going to accomplish?"

Tucker's response was unheard, and the entire squad exchanged glances. Amanda broke the silence first. "Wow. I didn't realize he could yell like that."

The door banged open, forestalling any further conversation as Tucker stepped out. "IAB will be conducting interviews with all of you, including those who left the premises. Rollins, you're up first."

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"Captain?"

The white-haired man turned at the sound of his name. "Haven't been that for quite some time. Elliot Stabler, how've you been?"

"Doing okay," he replied, shaking the older man's hand. "So, if not 'captain', what should I call you?"

"Jim will do just fine." He smiled, then began walking again, side-by-side with Elliot. "What brings you here? Hope it's nothing serious."

"My wife," he replied, "and she's fine, just needs to stay to help someone out. I'm just bringing her a change of clothes and a shoulder if she needs one."

"Sounds like we're in the same boat, then," the former Captain replied. "That's why I'm here too - not my wife, but an old friend."

By then, they had reached the elevator. They both reached for the same button, and both smiled when they realized they'd gotten in each other's way. Elliot finally pressed the button, and the elevator rose quickly.

The moment they stepped off the elevator, Elliot's attention was fixed on a dark-haired woman standing at the other end of the hall. "Liv!" he called out, almost running towards her.

She lifted her head slowly. "El. You got here fast."

He was still staring, but now his attention was focused on her clothing. "You told me you weren't hurt!"

"I'm not," she said, her words slurred alarmingly. "It's someone else's."

"Are you sure about that?" Jim had come to Elliot's side. "Some of it might be, looks like it's been there awhile, but there's some on your side that looks fresh. How long has it been since you got someone else's blood on you?"

"A - a couple of hours, I guess. Fresh?" she added belatedly. "That doesn't make -" Before she could finish her sentence, her knees buckled and she plunged towards the ground.

"Olivia!" Elliot lunged forward, grabbing hold of her just in time to keep her from hitting the floor. He got his arms around her, but she still sagged limply, her head falling forward. "Olivia, my God! We need help here! Officer down!"

He eased her to the floor and pulled her coat off, an action that confirmed what Jim had suspected. While the front of her shirt had been sprayed with blood, her coat had blocked the spray from coming into contact with any other part of it. And yet, a large patch on the right side was stained dark red with blood that was still wet to the touch. "Damn it, Olivia," he whispered, though the choked sound in his voice made it clear that the words came from a place of concern. "How could you miss this?"

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"Detective Rollins, where were you when you heard the shots?"

"In the hallway. Lieutenant Murphy had asked me to go to the lab and see how the DNA report was coming."

"As far as you know, did the lab have instructions to call you when the process was finished?"

"I don't know about this case specifically, but that is standard procedure."

"So why would your Lieutenant send you to the lab, when they already had instructions to contact you with results?"

"He was concerned it was taking too long."

"So he was impatient."

"We all were," she said a little defensively. "Without it, the case was shaky - one voice ID and a lot of circumstantial evidence. We were concerned that without the DNA to link him to the crimes, he might get bail at arraignment and either disappear or kill again."

"So you heard the shots and then what did you do?"

"I started to run towards the stairwell, thinking I could take cover in there, but he came out of observation and got in my way. Before I had time to react, he pistol-whipped me across the face hard enough to knock me down. He held his gun on me while he took mine out of the holster and threw it into a trash can. Then he pulled me up by my hair, pulled me against him, and put his gun to my head. He made me walk into the squad room with him."

"What happened next?"

"It's all kind of a blur," she admitted. "I heard voices yelling, and then I felt him take the gun away from my head and start to turn. I knew I had to get some distance from him if I wanted a chance of getting free, so I threw all my weight into staying planted. I heard shots, and then his grip loosened and I knew it was then or never. I grabbed his arm and pulled it away from my body, and then I ran away from him. I saw Amaro reaching out towards me and so I ran to him. The next thing I remember is hearing shots fired right over my head. It took me a few seconds to realize that it was the perp who'd been shot."

"Okay, Detective Rollins. Thank you."

She gaped at him. "That's it?"

He cracked a rare smile. "Your Lieutenant's story matches what you just told me, and it's clear to me that you didn't have a lot of agency in this situation. Go put some ice on your face before the swelling gets any worse, and tell Detective Amaro I want to see him immediately."

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All she remembered was that one moment she'd been standing in the hallway outside ICU, watching Elliot walk towards her, and the next she was lying in a hospital bed.

She started to sit up and immediately felt dizzy. As she let herself fall back against the pillows, she saw her husband sitting beside her. "What happened?"

"You passed out," he told her gently. "You weren't as fine as you claimed. You had a bullet in your side, and by the time I got to you, you'd lost a lot of blood."

Olivia frowned, confused. "How's that possible? There weren't that many shots fired, and I know where all of the ones I was in range of went."

"Apparently not entirely," he said with a light chuckle that he knew sounded forced. "Your friend Bobby filled us in after you collapsed. He said you were standing right behind the cop who was shot, and she had a through-and-through to her arm. They think the bullet must've hit you after it went through her."

She glanced down, seeing the bandage on her right side. "I didn't feel a thing. I really thought all the blood was hers." She tried to sit again, and this time Elliot reached out to help her up, sliding a pillow behind her back to support her. "How bad?"

"The injury itself wasn't too bad. But by the time the doctors got to you, you were in hypovolemic shock. They had to give you fluids and blood." He smiled then despite himself, tapping his left arm. "I told them to bypass the blood bank."

"You do look a little pale," she teased weakly.

"You're one to talk," he countered, but his voice was serious. "You barely had any color left by the time you collapsed. Scared the hell out of me."

"I'm sorry," she said sincerely, knowing he was thinking about Kathy, about the way she had died from horrific gunshot wounds. "I really didn't know...there was so much adrenaline, so much stress and fear, I never felt any pain."

"I know," he reassured her. "But next time, I'm not taking your word for it that everything's fine."

"Deal. So, when do I get out of here?"

"Tomorrow. Doctor wants to keep you overnight to make sure everything's stabilized. I've already asked Lizzie and Kathleen to babysit."

"I'm the one stuck in the hospital," she reminded him. "You can go home."

"And leave you here alone? I don't think so." He leaned forward and kissed her forehead. "You're stuck with me, Olivia Benson, and don't you forget it."

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Alex was sitting, propped up by the adjustable hospital bed, when Bobby walked in. The TV was on, but it was clear she wasn't really paying attention.

He sat beside her and gathered her up into his arms. She buried her head in his chest, reaching her good left arm around his back to clutch at his shirt. "The baby?" she whispered after a prolonged silence.

"Sarah's doing fine. "He slid one arm off from around her, reaching into his pocket, and handed her his phone, which was already cued up to a photo. "Look. That's our baby."

Alex's jaw dropped at the rush of feelings the image conjured up. Even when she'd seen Nate for the first time, she hadn't felt this incredible sense of connection. "Oh, she's beautiful."

"She is," he agreed, running his hand through her hair. "Beautiful just like her mommy."

"Not just me," Alex objected gently. "Look at all that dark hair. She doesn't get that from my side of the family." She ran her hand through his graying curls. "But oh, God, all the machines..."

He pulled her close again. "I know it's scary. I'm scared too. But everyone I've talked to is optimistic about her chances. She's in good physical shape, and besides, she's a fighter. She's Alex Eames' daughter, after all."

For some reason, Alex burst into tears at that. Bobby began rubbing her back, concerned. "What's wrong, sweetheart?"

"Her mommy wasn't a fighter when it mattered," she answered bitterly. "And to top it off, she doesn't have the sense God gave a goose."

It was a phrase that Bobby had heard Katherine Eames use a few times, and he'd always found it funny. But Alex's clear distress precluded any hint of humor in the situation. "What are you talking about?"

"This is my fault," she sobbed. "All of it. It's my fault she's in an incubator hooked up to machines instead of safe inside me where she belongs."

"No, no, Alex," he soothed. "It's Johnson's fault. He's the one who fired at a pregnant woman."

But Alex was shaking her head. "I started the whole mess. I was only in the squad room in the first place because I decided to walk through a parking garage alone without paying attention. I let him get the drop on me. I let him -"

"You didn't let him do anything," Bobby said firmly. "He forced you. I heard the statement you gave Olivia. You fought like hell, and even if you hadn't, he had no right to do what he did."

"Well, he didn't care much about that, did he?" she snapped. "And apparently, I didn't fight hard enough."

Bobby winced internally, remembering the bruises and scratches that had marred Alex's body after the assault. He knew she'd given that fight everything she had and then some. "What happened to you is awful, but it wasn't your fault, and neither is what happened this morning."

Another sob. "I'm a mother, I'm supposed to protect my baby, and I couldn't even do that right when she was inside my body. I'm a cop trained in self-defense, and I let some scumbag rape me in a parking garage stairwell. If I hadn't let that happen, I wouldn't have been in the squad room this morning and been shot, and Sarah would be able to develop naturally and be born when she was ready."

The uncomfortable feeling of eyes boring into his back caused Bobby to turn his head, prompting Alex to look up over his shoulder to determine what had caught his attention. When she saw who was standing there, she almost felt her blood freeze. "Dad -"

Without a word, he turned and walked from the room, leaving Alex to collapse in Bobby's arms in a fresh round of sobs.

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"Detective Amaro, after the shooting started, you took cover beside former detective Robert Goren?"

"That's right. We had just been interrogating the suspect and we were standing close together, so when we heard the shots, we both took cover behind the same desk."

"Where was your service weapon at this time?"

I was right. He's not happy that Goren got his hands on my gun. "In my hand. I pulled it out of the holster in case I had a chance to take a shot."

"But you didn't."

"No. When he came into the squad room, he was holding Am - Detective Rollins hostage. I didn't have a clear shot, and even if I had, he had the gun at point-blank range to her head. If he'd been shot, his finger could have contracted on the trigger and that would have almost certainly been fatal to her."

"I understand that." Tucker's voice softened just a fraction, clearly recognizing the truth of Amaro's words. "But during the struggle, there came a time when Detective Rollins freed herself from the suspect. What did you do then?"

"I stood up to help her." No way he was making it easy on the IAB lieutenant. "I thought she might be disoriented from shock or fear, so I reached out to show her a clear way to safety. Johnson's back was turned to me, I didn't think he'd even see me. She ran towards me, and I pulled her under the desk."

"What did you do with your weapon when you stood up to help her?"

"I set it down on the floor. I knew she was likely to run towards me, and I didn't want there to be any chance that she'd get in a potential line of fire."

"So you set your weapon down within reach of a civilian."

"A retired cop."

"Who is currently a civilian."

"Look!" Amaro's temper finally boiled over. "What is it you want me to have done? You weren't there! The whole thing went down in a matter of seconds! I've already explained to you why I didn't want to keep it in my hands, and under the desk was the most guarded place to put it. If I'd put it anywhere else, it would've been easier access for Johnson, and I don't know about you, but to me putting it within reach of a retired cop seemed a lot safer than putting it where a serial killer might get to it!"

"Did you consider your holster?"

"It's a safety holster. I didn't want to take the chance of losing valuable time trying to draw it again."

"Better than letting a civilian get his hands on it."

"A former cop!" Amaro exploded. "And yes, there is a difference. You don't lose your training in four years. He understood exactly how volatile the situation was and what all the moving pieces were. So yeah, I did feel more comfortable leaving my gun within reach of him than I would for an ordinary civilian, but only because I knew he knew better than to do anything stupid with it."

"He fired two shots into a man's back."

"A man who was holding a gun on a pregnant Lieutenant he'd already shot twice. That's a textbook example of threat of imminent harm to a third party. If I'd had the shot, I would've taken it." He shook his head disbelievingly. "Don't expect me to be sorry he's dead. Okay, the way he died was a little unorthodox -"

"Unorthodox," Tucker repeated in disbelief.

Amaro ignored him. "But once he started waving a gun around a room full of cops, there was practically no chance of him getting out of the building alive. If Goren hadn't done it, someone else would have."

"But someone else didn't." Tucker turned off the tape recorder. "Think about that. You're dismissed."

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"Knock knock, look who's here!"

Olivia looked up at the familiar voice to see not only Kathleen standing in the doorway, but also Elizabeth, who was holding hands with Eli while her older sister had Noah cradled in her arms.

The toddler reached out as soon as he saw the familiar face. "Mama!"

The brunette woman was momentarily struck speechless. Noah had started talking a few months earlier, but, perhaps because of the chaotic situation he'd been born into, they hadn't yet been able to coax family identifiers out of him. "Yes, Noah," she whispered in a watery voice. "Mama's here."

She reached her arms out and Kathleen placed the boy in them. As she cradled him to her chest, Eli took off running towards the bed. Elliot intercepted him just in time to keep him from plowing into Olivia's healing right side, swinging him over to the uninjured side before setting him down. "Be careful, Eli. Mommy's hurt."

He threw an arm over her, this time avoiding the visible bandages. Olivia shifted Noah to one arm so she could reach out to her stepdaughters. "Thank you both so much."

Elizabeth smiled. "When Dad called and told us what happened, we thought some family healing time might be in order. Besides, they could tell we were worried and it was upsetting them."

"Certainly better than bringing flowers," Kathleen added with a smile mirroring her sister's. "Just so you know, we would've come even if we hadn't been bringing the boys. We're glad you're okay."

"Really glad," Elizabeth added. "I don't know if we say this enough, but Kathleen and I couldn't stop talking in the car about how worried we were and how much we care about you. You may not be our mom but we like having you in the family."

"Damn," Olivia whispered, choked. "If this is what I get for getting shot -"

"Don't go there," Elliot said in a tone that was only half-joking.

"Tell you what," Kathleen added with a smile. "We'll try to show more of this stuff without needing an inciting event, and you try not to get shot. Deal?"

Olivia grinned. "Deal." She opened her arm to her side. "Now both of you come here, you each deserve a hug for this!"

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Bobby only had to catch a glimpse of the man he'd greatly respected only hours earlier before he unloaded on him full-force. "What the hell was that?"

John didn't even turn. "What was what?"

"You ran out on her," he replied sharply. "You looked her right in the eyes and then you ran out on her. If you're going to be unsympathetic, the least you could do is not show it quite so openly.

The older man finally looked up at him, pain etched into the lines of his face. "God, no. I'm not unsympathetic. I just couldn't - I couldn't look at her without thinking about some piece of scum -" He couldn't even give voice to the images in his head. "Did they ever find out who did it?"

Bobby nodded gravely. "The same man who shot her today." Seeing the obvious agony John was in was causing some of his own anger to ebb. "And he's dead. I shot him to stop him from killing Alex."

"That's good," John said on an exhale. "If he was alive, I'd have to kill him myself. No one gets away with hurting my baby girl like that."

"You hurt her." Bobby's tone was soft, the words no longer intended to wound, but he had to make John understand the impact of his actions. "She knows you couldn't bear to look at her, but she doesn't know why. She's still blaming herself, and after seeing your reaction, I think she thinks you blame her too."

"No!" he replied, horrified. "I could never!"

"Then you need to tell her that," Bobby said firmly. "You're the only one she'll believe it from."

He nodded, turning back to walk towards Alex's room. "How is she?"

"Asleep right now, or I wouldn't have left her alone. Don't wake her, please." In that moment, he allowed his girlfriend's father to see that he, too, was horrified over what had happened to her. "She hasn't been sleeping well as it is."

"My baby," he whispered in a pained voice before turning back to Bobby with fire flashing in his eyes. "You'll never know how grateful I am to you for saving my daughter's life. But I wish there hadn't been imminent danger. I wish he'd had a chance to suffer first."

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"Detective Tutuola, just a few questions. You weren't directly involved in the incident, but you did see it take place, is that correct?"

"You know it is, why ask me?"

"What was your immediate reaction to hearing the shots?"

"Well, it took me a second to realize what it was I heard. But then I yelled for everyone to get down and I ran for cover behind a filing cabinet. I pulled my gun and had it at the ready, but when he came in, he had Rollins and it was too risky to take the shot, so I just kept him in my sights in case I got a chance to take it."

"And when Rollins was no longer being held by Johnson?"

"Right when she got free, they were both moving around unpredictably, and I didn't want to chance missing him and hitting Rollins or anyone else. I was a split-second away from pulling the trigger when Goren took him out."

"You would have taken a lethal shot?"

Fin nodded. "I knew I might only have one. If the first bullet hadn't taken him down, he might still have been able to hurt or kill Eames - or Benson, for that matter, she was in his line of fire too. I'm fully aware that a kill shot is a last resort, but we were out of options by then."

"So your perspective on Goren's actions -"

"I know we'd rather not have civilians shooting people in our squadrooms, and generally I agree with that perspective. But in this case, it didn't change anything. If Goren hadn't taken Johnson out, someone else would have. I wasn't the only one taking aim at him." He shrugged. "That's all I can tell you."

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A hand was running gently through her hair, over and over. At first, she thought it was Bobby, but the hand was much too small to be one of his. She opened her eyes slowly, looking over to see who it was. "Dad?"

"Yeah, honey, I'm here." It was the gentle voice of her childhood, the one he had used when she'd come to him after a nightmare. "And I'm sorry."

"What?"

He leaned forward to press a kiss to her forehead. "I'm sorry for how I reacted yesterday when I heard what had happened to you. Alex -"

She turned her head away from him, wishing she was strong enough to turn her entire body on her side. "It's okay, I get it. I'm not too fond of me right now either."

She felt his hand run gently over the back of her neck. "Alex, no. It wasn't your fault."

"How do you know?" she replied harshly. "You weren't there."

"I didn't have to be. Tell me, Alex, did you think it was Sean's fault when your Aunt hit him?"

The suggestion so stunned her that she whipped her head back around to look at him. "Of course not! She was a mean drunk, he just happened to be in exactly the wrong place when she finally lost it."

He nodded somberly. "Exactly. What happened to Sean was not his fault, and what happened to you is not yours." He began stroking her hair again. "Yesterday, when I heard, I was just so upset at the idea that something so awful had happened to you that I didn't think before I ran out. I realize now how that must have looked to you, but I'm not angry with you, or disgusted, or anything else you might think I am. I'm just so sorry for what you've had to go through. And I'd kill the bastard if he wasn't already dead."

Tears jumped to her eyes in spite of her best efforts. "You really mean that?"

He reached forward and carefully gathered his daughter close, knowing she couldn't sit up under her own power yet, and held her as though she was still a small child. "Every word, honey. Every damn word."

This was actually a really fun chapter to write, it gave me a chance to explore so many different angles. Just a heads-up, don't think this story is winding to a close just yet. There are at least 3-4 chapters to go yet, and I'm still turning over in my head exactly where I want it to end, since the arc in my head is neverending.

Apologies for the time delay, which was caused by two things. One was the amount of time and effort I put into this chapter, and the other is that the sequel to this will also be a sequel to Little Girl Lost, which even if it ends up on the short end has at least twice as many chapters to go as this one. (If you're interested in SVU and/or in general CI and not just Goren and Eames, I recommend checking that one out too). This doesn't mean I'll be finishing both stories at the same time, but I didn't want to leave too much air space between this story and the sequel either.

My characterization of Tucker is based on what he became once he was more than an occasional guest character. In his first few appearances, he was a jerk, but later he became more of another part of the machine, if a part that the SVU cops didn't always like. My personal opinion is that while no one likes to be questioned after the fact for their judgments in the heat of the moment, accountability is a necessary part of any police department and IAB and their real-life counterparts are a part of that. Unlike in L&O, the run-of-the-mill officers aren't always going to hold each other accountable (even in the show, many of the cops who aren't main characters are known to cover for each other) and for this reason I like that SVU tuned down the rhetoric of IAB being annoying obstructionists (Tucker has certainly been a valuable character in this current season!).

As for John Eames - I've written a few SVU fanfics, and one of the recurring themes I've noticed recently is that the close family/friend's reaction to a disclosure is always a supportive one (Goren with Eames earlier in this story, the squad with Rollins in Unreasonable Doubt, Elliot with Olivia in Within Me, Without You and Pulling Back the Cover and with Elizabeth in Close to Home). While I think that's the best reaction one can hope for, and that it's understandable for these characters given their backgrounds, I also wanted to lend some space on the page to the experiences of those who haven't always received positive reactions. Reading survivors' stories (not for fanfiction reasons, research for a few college papers and a community theater play I co-authored), I've read about family members who were so stunned to hear what had happened to their loved one that they reacted in a way that inadvertently hurt the victim. So that's John in this story, well-intentioned but hit with a bombshell he doesn't know how to handle.

Alex's aunt who hit her brother comes from the CI episode Vacancy.

Please review! I really do reply to all signed reviews.