Prompt: Fight Me. A gail-x-holly one, please. I just love reading them. Thank you!
*puts on lawyer suit* Let the record state that Sunglasses here - explicitly wanted a - Fight Me.
You're all going to hate me for this aren't you. I'm truly sorry.
You didn't really expect this. You thought that this was it. From the moment you met her, the moment she sneaked you a kiss in the coatroom, the moment she took you and so sweetly sorted out your hair - you knew she was something special. Someone you knew was going to impact your life a lot. But you hadn't expected this.
Now, you look at her and you feel frustration. Completely restless. The thought of her makes you push it away to some dark recess in your mind. You can't understand this. You thought you loved her, you thought finally you met someone you could call yours. After years of being a loner, a superficial part of half-relationships - you assumed at last - this was it. Your search for 'The one' had finally come to an end with Holly. And it certainly felt like that. It did.
Even when she brushed you off as 'having fun' in the bar to Lisa, you hadn't felt too terrible. Hurt - sure - but after few weeks of being without her - you had begun to crave her again. Which is why you couldn't bring yourself to date anyone in that short gap. Though you were the one who was scorned - and you had all the right to do so - you couldn't. Because a part of you had felt that you and Holly? It was meant to be. It did - 2 years ago.
You don't understand why you feel like you do - but you can't deny how feel. You love her, you do - but you can't apprehend this feeling. This uneasiness that has crept up into your stomach. This note of pain that every thought of her brings to your mind. You can't explain it. You truly can't. You just want to run away, leave it all and be alone. You just can't comprehend this. It's as if even though you have found happiness,yet you can't have it. It feels fucking irritating, a part of you wants to pull your hair and scream. But you don't know what to scream. What are you supposed to scream anyway - I have everything I've ever wanted , but I don't want it all now?' Yeah, that sounds really 's going to make you sound selfish, absurd even, but argh how do you change what you feel.
You've tried, for a few weeks you've really tried. You've tried going back to how you did feel just a few months back - spellbound and utterly in love. But you can't. It feels fake. So pretentious. And now you're back to feeling utterly miserable.
You're sitting at your desk and staring into space, lost deep in thought. You try reasoning with yourself - that you were never meant to be happy anyway, that cold people aren't meant to find their better half - that this was all fate. Some people are just meant to be alone - and no matter what you try - no matter how many wonderful people you come across, it's just not going to be work out - because it's not meant to be for you. You're screaming in agony in your mind, you're almost on your knees praying that the way you feel changes, but it doesn't. It's been months now. And you've given up.
Holly doesn't deserve this. A woman as gorgeous, sweet, caring woman as her clearly deserved someone better – atleast someone who would love her. And it's then you decide what you're doing isn't fair to her, at all.
'Gail!' you hear her yell at you in pain, and it clutches your heart so bad. You're halfway out the door, when she rushes to stop you.
'Just talk to me Gail, it's Ok' she's telling you reassuringly, but that only pushes you away more.
'I'm sorry Hol.' you tell her, and you continue on your way out.
You can feel her wishing you talk to her, explain it all - but you're lost for words. You don't know how describe what you feel - you've never been good at sharing emotions anyway.
You're walking out, shutting the door on your way, and you can feel the urge to fall flat on the ground and just wish something can take away all the frustration, pain and anger you feel. You step into the bar, and before you know it - you're already 6 drinks deep in tequila. It's finally when your emotions come to the fore. This horrible frustration and un-fightable urge to destroy everything you find, this anger - this intense, almost white-hot anger you feel at yourself, because you are quite possibly the biggest fool ever.
You fell out of love with the one person who could love you.
Knocking back another drink, you begin to make peace with the fact that you'll probably die alone. Another drink later, it doesn't pain so much.