Chapter VI – B for Beta
Kiku Honda. Japanese. Beta. Enjoys Electronics, Video Games, Otaku (areas of interest including Yaoi and Yuri), Sushi, and Art – especially manga art.
And that person is Feliciano's friend? Acquaintance? Friend with benefits? Arthur was trying to figure out Feliciano's relationship with this quiet teen. He knew Kiku only by name since they were in the same class and so far, he noticed the Asian to be quite polite and shy, not engaging much in socialising of any form. He would often whisper excitedly with this girl … what's her name? That Alfa Hungarian … Elisaveta Herderavy! That's it! Now what those two discussed, he had no clue but it could get pretty intense for a simple discussion. In any case, Arthur did not expect Feliciano to know Kiku.
"Feliciano-san. Please refrain from any personal contact, thank you." The raven haired boy demanded while he escaped Feliciano's hug. The Italian smiled cheerfully and nodded.
"Scusa! No problem Kiku! Oh! This is my new friend! He's in our class! You know Arturo, right?"
Kiku's pitch black eyes looked up to meet the emeralds as all three teens were seated around a table with warm teas in front of them. Arthur nodded politely and saw Kiku flinch. Oh yeah … he should maybe tone down his Alfaness. Betas are quite sensitive to those things. Kiku seemed like he could breathe better suddenly thanks to Arthur lowering his dominant aura, while Feliciano didn't notice anything, as usual. The Japanese nodded back with a thanking look and Arthur sheepishly looked away. He never realised if he was too dominant or not … he got used to that from living with his siblings … let's just say his family members aren't normal much. Not that he should talk.
"So, Arthur-san are you interested in Art?"
"Eh? Well, I'm not really good a drawing but I can appreciate it." Arthur answered awkwardly under the watchful hawk-eyes of Kiku. Was this an interrogation or something?
The Japanese nodded sharply. He was truly fascinated by Arthur. Because, unlike the rest of their class, he had not forgotten Arthur's words during his presentation on their first day. Omega. It was hard to believe that this blonde Englishman is an Omega. Kiku himself had no particular interest in Omegas but he could feel Arthur's dominant aura as if it were the real deal! A real Alfa aura. And that made him the most interesting Omega! To study of course! Like the Beta he is, Kiku is drawn to anything he doesn't understand, seeking answers and struggling to the end to get them. He would not be satisfied before he fully understood how an Omega can act so Alfa. Or vice versa. The black eyes of the Asian switched to his … friend? Well, Feliciano claimed they were friends but Kiku himself was unsure yet of the concept of friendship. He didn't dislike Feliciano. He was simply fascinated by the freak Alfa, as much as he is in this new Omega. The fact that Feliciano and Arthur became good friends almost instantly is also fascinating … but not surprising in itself. After all, they are in similar situations.
"Ve! Ve! Kiku draws really amazing mangas! You should read some, Arturo!"
"I wouldn't mind if Kiku allows me to."
Kiku blinked as he realised that both his guests were watching him, awaiting his answer. Without a change in his cold demeanour, the emotionless boy nodded.
"I don't mind. Please, feel free to borrow some of my work if you wish."
"Ve! Thank you Kiku! See! See! The mangas are over there, Arturo! Hurry!"
"F-Feliciano! It's not polite to run around loose in another people's house!"
Kiku watched the odd couple, feeling more and more like a third wheel. It was odd indeed. The way Feliciano never seemed bothered or affected by Arthur's overwhelming aura. Or how Arthur never orders Feliciano and treats him like an equal. It was odd. Very odd.
Kiku felt his fist clench as he gripped the bottom of his T-shirt tightly. Why was he feeling so frustrated and anxious. Just watching them … laughing and smiling together … why was it so annoying? Annoying? Such a useless emotion. He didn't need this. He was a Beta. Betas think. They don't do emotions. They don't need emotions.
"Amazing! Did you draw all of these Kiku?" Arthur's amazed green eyes looked up to meet the void black ones of the smaller boy.
Kiku nodded like an automate.
Why did he feel his face warm up? That was odd. It's not the first time he receives praise. So why did he feel embarrassed by Arthur's sudden kind smile. Was it an Omega thing? No. He had seen many Omegas and many times been praised or admired by them. But not once did it melt his ice façade.
"Ve! Ve! Arturo! You'll look at my sketches too, right? Please!"
"Of course I will, silly!" Arthur chuckled while patting Feliciano's soft head.
The brunet's wide grin was also something Kiku had never witnessed on Feliciano. In the 3 years he had known the Italian, not once had Kiku witnessed such bliss on his friend. Uh … did he just think friend?
Again. That frustration.
Why?
Why did it bother him that Arthur could make his friend so happy? Why did it bother him that Feliciano got patted gently by the blonde? Why did those two infuriate him so much? Why?
"Ah …" Kiku felt his mouth open without his brain having given the order to do so.
Why?
Both his guests turned to him, each wearing a large grin on their faces. They both look so … different. Different from him. Different from others. Different from the rest of the world.
Why?
"Kiku? Ve? You look funny with your mouth open like that!"
"Feli, that's not something you say to people! Erm … but you might want to close your mouth, Kiku, before you catch flies!"
Both teens chuckled while Kiku felt his face heat up suddenly and forced his mouth shut. Why had it opened? Why was he blushing? Why was he feeling less annoyed suddenly? Why was it so pleasant to feel their gaze on him?
Why?
He's a Beta. And yet there is a question he cannot find an answer to: Why?
5 weeks later …
Why?
That question still trotted in Kiku's mind. Today, once again, Feliciano and Arthur had stopped by to visit him. They've been doing that a lot recently. Kiku had almost gotten expectant to see them. Each time, he would find himself preparing 3 cups of tea and waiting for the bell to ring. Sometimes it did. Sometimes it didn't . Most times it did, and Kiku would freeze in front of the hall's mirror, as he noticed a large excited smile on his face that he quickly wiped out before answering the door.
Why?
Why was he feeling so strange. So emotional? He's a beta! Betas don't fair well with emotions. Most Betas are quite cold and methodical, socially limited, and not inclined to show what they truly think or feel. Kiku was a typical Beta as they come. Really, nothing abnormal about him.
So why?
"Why?"
Feliciano and Arthur both interrupted their conversation as their heads snapped towards their Asian host. Kiku had been as quiet and emotionless as ever today. Like every day. Arthur had gotten used to accompanying Feliciano when he went out to see his friends (well, really just Kiku). Lovino huffed and puffed about it but did not object to the idea. At least, his brother had a body guard and Arthur was too scary to argue with anyway!
"Ve? Kiku? Did you say something?" Feliciano blinked his eyes, his hair curl shaking like the tail of an excited puppy. Arthur watched it move, fascinated. He always wondered if Feliciano's hair was alive and had a mind of its own.
"Why?" Kiku mumbled once more but still seemed to be talking to himself in a deep and dark thought.
Feliciano tilted his head, frowning in sadness at being ignored. But he was used to it. People tended to either bully him or ignore him. In fact, Kiku is one of the rare people who never did either of those two things to Feliciano and although he was not friendly, he never forbid Feliciano from seeing him and hanging out with him. Except the few times when the Italian had accidently disturbed him in his work or Manga-drawing. And aside from Arthur, Feliciano had no real other friend than the Japanese Beta. So he worried.
"Is something wrong, Kiku?" Arthur voiced out loud Feliciano's thoughts.
If the Italian was ignored, the Englishman's inquiry was immediately addressed by the Japanese. Probably due to Arthur's aura. Kiku's head snapped up, his black eyes wide as if he had just gotten a slap. Arthur mentally cursed himself and forced his dominant vibe to tune down. Feliciano looked with worried eyes at his Beta friend, slightly hurt from having being ignored while Arthur immediately got a response. But then again, Arthur always caught other people's attention just by his mere presence, while he was so clumsy and ridiculous that people either laughed at him or ignored him.
Kiku watched the two concerned faces of his friends … friends? Uh. What an odd thought.
"Why?" He spoke, not really sure what he was asking.
"Why what?" Feliciano tilted his head, thinking hard. He wondered if Kiku was playing a guessing game? That would be odd because Kiku never plays games. He tends to watch others play and have fun, while he stays on the side-lines. It always makes Feliciano sad to see his friend so isolated.
"Why … am I feeling …?"
"… Feeling what?"
"Feeling …"
"Veeee … I don't understand! Arturo! What do we do? Kiku completely froze and is talking strange words! Is he sick?"
"How the hell should I know? He's never been like this before! Oi, Feliciano! Don't cling to me! There's no need to panic about it!"
"Veeeee! Ve! Kiku's mad! Kiku's mad! I'm scared!"
"He is not mad! Bloody calm down, will you!" Arthur forced Feliciano's arms around his neck to come off as he held the whining Italian by his shoulders. "I already have to deal with Kiku acting weird, so don't you start too!"
"Ve! Ve! But Arturoooo!" Feliciano whined even louder, trying to force through Arthur's grip to grab back hold of the blonde's neck. He always felt safer when holding or hugging Arturo. It made him calm and happy.
"Angry." Kiku's voice resonated as the word got spat with such fury.
Arthur and Feliciano turned back to Kiku (whom they had temporarily forgotten) and were surprised to see his face show … well, actually showing some emotions! He looked angry though. Not the best of emotions.
"Ve? Kiku?"
"Are you alright, mate?"
"Angry." Kiku felt his blood boil but he didn't understand why.
His eyes narrowed on the tangled arms of his two friends.
"Frustrated." He continued speaking, not really understanding his own reaction. His body had seemed to have taken over his mind and he couldn't care less!
He didn't like seeing his friends act so friendly and … ignoring him.
"Irritated."
Ignoring him? Why did that bother him? He always gets ignored. Due to his quiet and beta personality, he never really gets along much with people aside from other betas. And interactions with other betas really resumes to a few words and a greeting. Nothing like the overly present presence of these two. They just seem to invade his space and it really bothers him!
"Sad."
Bothers him? Not really no. It doesn't bother him anymore. He likes it. He likes having them around. He likes seeing them so talkative and eager and arguing and whining and growling and laughing. He likes them. But he doesn't like seeing them forget him. He doesn't like being pushed aside.
"Lonely."
The feeling of coldness and sudden distance between him and those two. When he watches them, Kiku can't help but feel that his friends live in a world of their own, separate from him. A world he can never reach. And it angers him. It frustrates him. It irritates him. It saddens him.
He feels …
"Confused." Kiku mouthed the word, breathing heavily and holding his chest. It hurt him. He didn't understand but it hurt. The idea of being left behind, pushed aside, ignored, forgotten … it hurts.
And he didn't understand why.
Why?
"Why … does it hurt?" Kiku shook his head and felt a few droplets land on his hand still gripping his chest.
Drops?
Uh? Water? Rain? Inside the house?
More drops came.
Kiku was struggling to comprehend but he didn't need to. Feliciano suddenly leaped onto him and hugged him tightly. The Italian was crying and whining as ever.
"Kiku! Don't cry! Don't be sad! Don't be hurt! Sorry! We're sorry! Did we do something wrong? Forgive me! Kiku! Don't hate me! Don't hate me! I'm sorry! Don't cry!"
Cry?
He was crying? Oh. So he was. Kiku realised his vision was blurred, drowned in the fountain of tears that didn't stop from pouring.
Hate?
Did he hate them? No. He didn't hate Feliciano or Arthur. He … liked them. Like? What does that mean? Why was he suddenly feeling all these inconvenient emotions! It's painful and confusing! Make it stop! Make it stop! Make it stop!
"Don't stop." Kiku cried as he felt his arms move on their own and hug back the sobbing brunet.
Arthur watched the two crying boys and shook his head in both relief and confusion. He didn't quite get what had troubled Kiku but … but seeing him so emotional somehow made him relieved. He had always worried on how the Asian felt towards him and Feliciano. They have been intruding on him and abusing of his hospitality a bit too much. Feliciano claimed they were friends but a beta like Kiku doesn't normally understand the concept of 'friend'. Colleagues, yes. Friends, not so much.
The blonde smiled.
Seems that even a Beta has as much emotions as anyone else. Really, when will the world understand that no matter what type you are, we are all human beings? All able to laugh and all able to cry.
All able to get hurt.
"It's ok, Kiku! I'm not leaving! Arthur either! Right, Arturo!"
"Of course! Kiku is our friend!"
Feliciano smiled at his blonde friend, earning a smile in return as they both turned to the Asian. Kiku watched them, shocked at how his heart and hurt suddenly felt healed. The warmth spreading through him like a shot of electricity. He didn't understand but … seeing them smiling so blindly made him dizzy.
Why was he so happy?
He smiled back.
For the first time in his life, Kiku understood why a smile used less muscle than a stoic expression. Because a smile is always shared with friends.
His friends.