Chapter 14

Tris

I feel the love,

I feel the lo-o-ove,

I stand in a field, no actually, it's a meadow. The flowers surround me and fill every space for as far as I can see, it's quite gorgeous. The sky, a strange deep blue as if it were the ocean, is cloudless. The sun beats down on my skin but I shiver, anyways feeling strangely cold. I grab at anything that could make me warmer but come back empty handed and wearing only white shorts and a white tank top. I can tell it's hot outside but I can't feel anything, a numbness and cold have settled on my pale skin. As if I were in a bubble, removed from life but somehow still there.

I hear the distant sound of squawking in the distant as the sky fills itself with a black cloud. What the hell? I go to run but find that my feet are planted and not moving. What the-

The cloud swooped towards me and my body refused move, more like resisted to budge. The cloud got closer and closer, covering the strangely beautiful sky. It separated reveling millions of birds. No not birds crows, their feather dark, beaks pointed and sharp. I want to scream but nothing would come out of my mouth, the only thing I could manage was throwing my arms up as a shield for my face.

The pain of the constant pecking against my skin was excruciating. Their beaks picked and grabbed at anything they could get in their beaks. Their claws clawed at my skin, my clothes, grabbing at my ear lobes.

This can't be real, this is just a nightmare, it can't be real. I told myself over and over again like a religious prayer. Maybe it was a prayer or a plea for the pain to end.

I feel my body drop to the ground underneath me with a THUD! My face pressed next to a puddle as something overcame me.

I plunged myself in to the water, swimming to the surface, that wasn't there. I swam and swam the dark blue waves only pushing me farther down. I gain two feet, lost four. It was impossible, why was it so hard to get to the surface?

I was completely out of control. There was nothing I could grab to pull myself out of the deep blue depth. No rocks, no beaches, nothing other than the ocean that I drowned in. My lungs burnt, my head was fogged, my heart beat at an unnaturally fast pace.

I pushed all the air from my lungs, and tried to forget I was about to die.

Tris woke up in a room, to be exact an awfully white room. So much so it stung her heavy eyes. She pushed her body up, only to fall back down weak and sore. She remembered the crash, the other room, her mother and those nightmares.

She let out a frustrated groan when she tried to sit up again. Frustration gripped at her and she huffed as she fell back down. Her head pounded, like it was being smashed repeatedly by a hammer. Her ribs throbbed with every breath she took, her leg was numb but she could feel herself wiggle her toes. She couldn't move her foot, though. Tris ripped the covers off her body and gasped.

Both of her legs were in a cast, the right one only went up to her knee but the left one went all the way you to her hip. She lifted her gown to find her stomach, once a pale skin, covered in the black, blue, green and the purple of new bruising. A scar ran along the side of her body, marking were they had made their incision. Tris threw her head back against the pillow on to groan again as her head pounded harder.

"Good to see you awake, Beatrice." A doctor materialized at the slim door of her hospital room. He wore a pair of blue glasses on his face, his brown hair messy but tamed at the same time. He looked up, not really paying attention and she choked.

"Caleb?" She managed to spit out. Great, just great, out of all the doctors in this hospital she managed to fall under the care of her traitor of a brother. Well fuck, she thought to herself silently.

"Its doctor Prior, thank you-" He started to say but she cut him off.

"Yeah, whatever you say Caleb, but don't worry I'm not surprised you don't remember me because see how I've grown Caleb. I did great after their death, you know. I became an alcoholic, I'm anorexic, I probably have severe anxiety and depression but, yah know, I'm doing great." She laughed bitterly which made her wince, in pain. He looked up and shook his head.

"Beatrice, I have other patients to tend to, I don't have time for you and your accusation." He paused and looked down at the clipboard in his slim hands. "You have a fractured ankle on your right leg and on your left you fractured you shin in two places. You went in to surgery to fix a bleed in one of your major organs, you have broken ribs, three on the left side and two on the right side. Lastly you suffered a severe concussion." He sighed and looked in her eyes. "You'll have to stay in the hospital for three days so we can monitor your heart and blood pressure."

"Why?" she asked, not really in to the whole staying in the hospital.

"Because, Beatrice, you died for 20 minutes." He sad looking at her exasperated.

Her world spun, she had died for 20 minutes, a whole 20 fucking minutes!

What if she hadn't made it back?

Would she have even seen her brother, who after all that he did, she still loved?

Would she have ever seen number boy again? Or his dazzling eyes? Would she ever be able to tell him the truth?

Would she be with her parents, right now, if she had died? Or would she be down below because heaven knows she belongs way down below.

"I can't walk, Caleb so how do you assume I'll make it home?" she asked, uncertain of the answer he would give her.

"Call one of your friends or something, I guess." He said looking back down at the clip board then pulling out a tablet.

"I don't have any friends, Caleb. I have no one I don't even know anybody but you." She growled at him, she couldn't even understand how he could be a doctor yet manage to be so dense.

"You know most older brothers at least pretend to care about their younger siblings. Like checking on how they were doing after their parents die, make sure they get the help they need. But you began to ignore me even before that. Remember grade eight, it's like I didn't exist to you, or your nerdy friends. Maybe you shouldn't have gone away, maybe if you had stayed, I would have never been depressed, anxious and anorexic, an alcoholic or someone who is worthless.

"But you did leave and I resent you for that. I want you to feel all the pain that I felt, that I will feel because I hate you. I want you to wake up one morning and realize the reason why I'm so fucked up is because you could have cared less about my wellbeing over your own life but I could have understood that. What I resent you for is because you didn't check if I was okay, if I needed someone to be there for me.

"But I love you. I love you because you are my brother, because you went after your dreams. So no matter what you do you will always make your way to my heart because I love you, Caleb. For who you are and who you will be. I know I might not make it to your wedding, your first kids birth, any of their birthdays but I want you to know that I love you to death. We don't have to be a family, you don't have to pretend you love me but I want you to know, all of what I just said was true." She finished and looked into her brothers green eye, they held stories he would never get to tell her and tears. Tears because she had just pored her soul to him, the way she felt about him after years of keeping it in.

"Beatrice," He began as tears found their way on to his cheeks. "I never meant for this to happen to you, if I had known you were drowning. I would have been there for you, in the blink of an eye. I would have protected you from the cruel world, we live in. I was just so wrapped up in my studies and my own personal success, I didn't care enough to call. Or tell you anything. So I do understand why you are in the position that you are, it's because I was too selfish to take another look, when you didn't cry at the funeral, or how no one was there for you. And trust me I hate myself for that to.

"But I love you too and I will always love you because of who you are destined to be. Don't worry, I'll insure that you make it, so that you get married, have kids, grow old with someone that both loves you and that you love. I would give everything away to make you happy again. All because I love you, forever and always." Tris smiled, as she feel in to a dreamless sleep.

The last thought that went through her head was that he loved her.

Hey Guys,

wasn't that just lovely 3

thought you guys deserved some nice stuff,

but it won't be like this for long *laughs evilly*

any how, I think this is my longest chapter, yay

that's what happens when I'm deprived of wifi for a day :'(

Question of the day: I don't know what to ask you.

Answer of the day: Whoops...