13. Warm
For the first time since being in Hogwarts I woke up feeling warm. Not the kind of warm when you stand in a hot kitchen, soaking in the heat and radiant smell of cookies baking; nor the kind of warm felt when laying on sand on a lovely summer's day. This was the kind of warm that was long anticipated that started somewhere deep inside and spread to each individual finger and toe, awakening frosty limbs; it felt like a tight embrace after spending the night in icy winds.
And for the first time in years, I felt accepted. Warm.
I skipped through the morning and danced around the house elves, my energy running solely on the delicious warmth. Said warmth was reimbursed with a pleasant surprise from the twins just before breakfast with a grin and 'good morning!' This, of course in my better than wonderful mood, warranted a before breakfast snack of some pre-prepared trifle much to the delight of the two boys. It carried on through the rest of the morning and much of the afternoon.
And then came my lessons.
"Miss Wood! Do pay attention."
The words in A Beginner's Guide to Transfiguration by Emeric Switch burned my eyes as they darted over the alphabet and formula. I had been stuck in McGonagall's office for just shy of an hour and my head was pounding with a headache like there was a bulldozer on a rampage in there. I had endured an hour of Potions with Snape and two hours of Herbology with Sprout already. Transfiguration was my last lesson of the day and I was counting down the seconds until I could leave when Professor McGonagall snapped.
"Sorry Professor," I murmured, returning to the book before me. It was embarrassing, learning and struggling with first year magical theory when I should have been learning fifth year material. History of Magic was by far my best lesson, followed by Herbology. I put this down due to the lack of magic involved, whereas the subjects like Transfiguration and Charms heavily relied on magic and a wand, making it impossible for me to grasp. Although Flitwick would never admit to overpraising my lacking skills – he believed the sun shone out of everyone's arses, bless him.
"Miss Wood, please! I understand the late hour however you shall not slack in my lesson," Professor McGonagall said as I muffled a yawn behind my hand.
"I'm sorry." My stomach rumbled.
I often wondered why I needed to study the core subjects which involved the most magic when it would do me no good, but Dumbledore assured me that it was a necessity for me to at least learn the fundamentals. McGonagall's strict and no nonsense demeanour scared me to open up to her normally. But I was far too tired to care right now.
"Professor? May I ask you something?"
McGonagall put down her quill, clasped her hands together and nodded.
"I was just wondering…"
"Yes, Miss Wood?"
"Why am I doing this?" I asked hurriedly. McGonagall raised her eyebrows. "I mean, I understand having to learn the basics, but…is it possible for me to drop some subjects? Because, they won't really do me any good in the future, will they? And it's not like I can actually do the magic. And-"
"Miss Wood," McGonagall cut me off from my rambling. "This is not the time for a discussion like this. And besides, Headmaster Dumbledore would be a more suitable person to ask, for he is the one enrolling you in the theory exams. However, under the circumstances of your magical ability, I have no doubt that the Headmaster, should you be persuasive enough, will offer you unique alternatives." She flicked her wand and my book slammed shut. "That will be all for today."
"Yes Professor," I said, packing up my book, parchment and quill.
"And Miss Wood." I turned. "You have the potential to be successful, whether or not you are able to conduct magic. Your work as of now is quite astounding. I do believe you will be moving up to the second year syllabus in no time. I must insist, however, you begin working on thinking you can do just as well as the other students. Putting yourself down will not do you any favours."
I smiled. "Thank you Professor."
I left her office, the foreign symbols of Transfiguration swirling in my mind's eye as I crept through the dark hallways back to the kitchen.
The noise overhead from the Great Hall had long since died down, the clutter all cleared away and the warmth slowly chilling. The flames from the great brick fireplace flickered in the high-ceilinged room, as large as the Great Hall above it, and filled the kitchen with soothing crackles and hisses.
Bonnie appeared with a light crack in front of the plush armchair I was residing in, The Standard Book of Spells, Grade 1 by Miranda Goshawk balanced on my leg, and handed me a mug of hot chocolate.
"Thanks Bon," I said, smiling at the tiny house elf and holding the mug close.
"Miss Ella is very welcome," she said.
"Say, think you can help me with some charms?" I asked, carefully sipping the scolding liquid, wondering if the little house elf could offer me any help with my studying.
Bonnie nodded enthusiastically. "Of course Miss Ella! Bonnie is good with charms." She clicked her fingers and in a flash, the textbook was in her hands.
I frowned, thinking carefully. "Bonnie, do you know how charms works for wizards and witches?" I asked slowly.
"What is Miss meaning?" she tilted her head.
"I know house elves use magic differently – I mean, you don't even need wands! So do you really understand the theory and incantations behind spells?"
Bonnie thought hard before sighing, dropping her head low and shook it slightly.
"It's alright, Bon. I'll manage," I assured the snivelling house elf, carefully taking the book out of her trembling hands.
Twenty minutes later, three empty mugs were strewn across the floor, one half empty mug on the arm of my chair, and my head drumming painfully. The paragraph I re-read for the seventeenth time made no more sense than the first couple of times; in fact the words blurred together and I couldn't make out one word from the next. It might as well have been written in Arabic calligraphy.
I growled under my breath, gulping down the last of the now cold chocolate liquid and dropped the mug with the others. The thought of flinging the offending textbook into the fireplace was so tempting…just one throw and this madness would end…my fingers twitched and gripped the edges…
The pear giggled. The portrait door opened.
"Honey, I'm home!" a familiar voice yelled.
Three figures entered the kitchen and made their way over to the other armchairs surrounding the fireplace, two of them identical red heads and the other, I was surprised to see, a dark skinned boy with dreadlocks falling into his face. I froze as he completely disregarded my existence and strolled past me.
"Ella! My dearest, how are you on this fine evening?" George greeted, wrapping his arms around my neck from behind, slightly firmer than comfortable, and rested his chin on my head.
"Whoa, what's with the mess?" the dark skinned boy asked, kicking a stray mug away and sitting himself down in an armchair, Fred taking the other.
"Our Ella here is a bit of a pig, aren't you love?" George said.
"If I'm a pig I dread to think of what you are," I grumbled, twitching away from the stray strands of his hair tickling my cheeks. My palms began to sweat and I had to busy them to hide my discomfort. I had only reacquainted with George and met Fred yesterday, and now they were already bringing in another person…were they mad? Did they not realise how hard it had been for me to open up to them?
"Oh-ho-ho! I like you," the boy leapt out of his seat and pushed a hand toward me. "Name's Lee, and I'm the handsome one out of the troublesome trio." He flashed a charming smile and winked.
Speech failed me for a moment before I was able to reply. "Troublesome trio?" I quipped, shaking Lee's hand. He bent low and placed a gentle kiss, quickly jumping away from George's slap after a lingering second…or two.
"Rather fitting, wouldn't you say?" Lee said, flopping back in his seat. "Hogwarts' most troublesome students!"
"They say trouble, we rather the term incorporating life and laughter in this dreary old place."
"Misters Wheezy's! Mister Jordan!" Fizzy yelled, appearing before us.
"Ello, Fizz," Fred grinned at the beaming house elf.
"Is Misters wanting some butterbeer tonight?" she asked.
"That'd be swell, thanks Fizz," George said, finally moving away from my chair and to the floor by Fred's feet, swatting his foot away when it swung over his shoulder.
With a crack! the house elf was gone. And all eyes were on me.
"So, Ella, was it?" Lee inquired. "Heard all about you. 'Course, only since this morning, but might I say, you are far more enchanting than these blithering idiots' appalling description." He winked.
"All about me, you say?" I couldn't help but ask. They wouldn't…
"Oi, Lee," George started just as Fizzy came back and handed butterbeers out to a call of cheers, "Stop scaring the poor girl."
"Merlin forbid you have another victim to your so called charms," Fred added.
"Don't listen to him Ella," George said, "Lee's always leeching onto girls. Freaked out most of the female population of Hogwarts already, even McGonagall knows to steer clear of the prat." The twins chuckled, seemingly to some inside joke as Lee sneered at them.
"Smoother than you gits," Lee muttered. Then directed his attention onto me again. "So what you doin' down here?"
"Um…" I stammered, not wanting to admit my struggle with first year charms. But then, I also didn't want to explain as to why I was struggling with first year material when I was clearly not a first year. That would bring a whole load more questions I was not willing to answer.
"Charms?" I jumped, banging my head on George's chin. I hadn't noticed he'd gotten up. "What're you doing charms for?"
"No reason, just some light reading," I stuffed the book down the side of the armchair and held tight onto the mug of butterbeer Fizzy gave. "What're you doing here?"
George eyed me, his face frightfully close to mine as he was leaning behind the chair. Before I knew it he was pushing me forward and climbing on behind me.
"Oi! What the hell d'you think you're doing?" I shrieked, scooting back as much as I could to avoid falling off while George spread his legs on either side of me and held my waist firmly.
"Getting comfy, floor's too hard," he reasoned. "And by the smell coming from Fred's feet I reckon he hasn't washed in a good while."
A shoe soared through the air in our direction. I gasped and shut my eyes, George ducking away from the shoe. The smashing of a glass was heard, followed by a, "I is sorting this Miss Ella!"
"Git," Fred chuckled with the boys.
"Fizz!" Lee yelled. She appeared in front of him with a plate of profiteroles. "You're the best!" he exclaimed with a grin and affectionate pat to the head before diving in.
"Give us one!" Fred demanded, only to be met with chocolate smeared on his head. "I swear on Merlin's saggy arse, one day Lee, one day you'll get it."
Lee and George burst out laughing. Even I had to muffle my laughter behind my hand, seeing Fred's red hair coated in melted chocolate. My leg tingled as something hovered over it and I twitched away from the sensation, painfully aware of George's body squished against mine as I moved closer to him.
"Shouldn't you boys be in bed?" I asked, taking a levitating profiterole courtesy of George.
"Should be, yes-"
"But we got bored-"
"And we needed to get George away before he embarrassed himself," Fred finished with a pointed grin to his twin.
"Why would George embarrass himself?" I asked Fred, ignoring George as he mumbled under his breath.
Fred smirked. "Because he was being an idiot making gooey eyes at Alicia," he sang out her name. Both he and Lee then scrunched up their faces and puckered their lips, moaning out loud and thumping their backs on their armchairs to create the sound of banging. I shifted uncomfortably at their raucous display.
"And Merlin forbid if she saw! Probably scarper off to the Slytherin common room," Lee said.
"Oi! You're one to talk, Lee. Remember that poor Hufflepuff? This git scared her so bad she actually forgot where her common room was and ended up in the dungeons," George retorted. Lee groaned into his hands and then drained the remainder of his butterbeer, as if it would permanently clear his mind of the, what I can only imagine as being dreadful, incident.
"Still reckon George's infatuation with Alicia is the worst though," Fred remarked once he had composed himself after his fit of silent laughter.
"It's not a ruddy infatuation," George muttered.
"George's right," Lee said, nodding solemnly.
"Our Georgie's been bitten, stung, whacked over the head by the love bug," Fred replied just as gravely, a grim frown on his face.
"Sod off, I'm not in love," George bit back.
"But what about in fourth year with-"
"That was years ago! It doesn't count," he grumbled, a chuckle breaking out after a moment. George wrapped his arms loosely around me, dragging me back until I was leaning against his chest. He removed his arms then and positioned one on the arm of the chair and the other on my thigh. I forced myself to focus on the butterbeer in my hands, still untouched.
Fred's eyes found mine and his gaze darkened ever so slightly. "We must be boring you, Ella."
"No, 'course not," I replied quickly, uncomfortable under his gaze. "You guys sound very suave with the ladies. I need to see you boys in action one day."
Fred scoffed and pointed his wand at the now empty tray that held the profiteroles, frowning upon seeing there were none left. "What about you?" I asked him.
He quirked an eyebrow at me. "What about me?"
"Don't you have any embarrassing stories about a girl you tried to woo?"
Fred opened his mouth to reply, his face twisted in a slight scowl, but was suddenly interrupted.
"Aha!" George exclaimed, one hand firm around my middle and the other holding high my charms book, no longer wedged between me and the armchair. I gasped. "You call this light reading? It's a ruddy massive textbook!"
"George!" I yelled, stretching out an arm to the book and the other desperately fiddling to loosen his arm. "Give it back. It's none of your business!"
One of the qualities I found most endearing about George was his ability to tease endlessly. It always astonished me how happy he always seemed to be, how he could be a sunshine in a storm. And he always knew when to stop. But this was not one of those moments, for he lobbed the book over instead of handing me the book and ending his joke. Lee jumped out of his seat and caught it expertly.
"Should've been a chaser!" the dark skinned boy cheered.
"Oi! Stop- give it!" my fidgeting increased concomitantly with my panic, my fingers now scratching at George's hands. "Seriously guys, stop."
"Whoa, first year charms?" Lee whistled, observing the book. "What're you doing with the first year book for?"
The Troublesome Trio's eyes were on me, waiting for an answer. I stilled in my movements and stood up and away from George, now no longer attempting to restrain me.
"Because…because…"
"Yes?"
I huffed, my eyes trained on the floor. "Because I'm bloody learning it."
I didn't look up to see if they had heard me. Hell, I hoped they hadn't. But luck was not on my side. The silence was broken by laughter. My shock made me look up to see Lee clutching his stomach.
"You-You're…you're l-learning f-f-f-irs-st year magic! What, d-did you f-f-forget wingardium leviosa? Swish and flick!"
My face heated up and my eyes burned. Of course he would laugh! He was ignorant just like all other wizards. I blinked harshly, determined not to cry. I had done enough of that over the years.
The twins stood up and marched over to Lee. It was George who pulled Lee up and shoved him hard.
"What the ruddy hell was that for?" Lee yelled, backing up when the twins both pulled out their wands. George held his out, pointed towards Lee. Fred's was hung limply by his side.
"Don't," George started, his voice hard, "Mock her."
Lee frowned, his eyes flitting between George's outstretched wand and his face. "Alright, I won't. It was just a joke." George began to back away, and then Lee spoke again. "I don't see what's wrong with that anyway. First year charms was simple."
"George," I called softly. His face was filled with conflicting emotions. I sighed. "Lee, sit down."
I assumed my armchair again as the other boys took their seats, George sitting on the arm of my chair with his arm rubbing my shoulder.
"What's going on? Why are you guys so…serious?" Lee asked.
"You want to know why I'm reading up on first year charm theory. I'm going to tell you."
"Ella-"
"No, George. He's your friend, if you trust him I don't see why he shouldn't know." My gaze softened. "I can't expect you to keep this from him. Not after all those years of secrecy from Fred," I whispered the end, knowing the hurt Fred went through after finding out the truth. He nodded.
"So then, Lee, I'm not exactly a normal student here…"
The lemon sherbet was sweet and tangy on my tongue as I sucked on it. Fawkes sat upon his perch, watching me as I observed Dumbledore's office yet again. There were so many objects; far too many to take in on a few visits! For instance, I had never noticed the whizzing ball on his second shelf against the far wall, the gold ring spinning around it, not dissimilar in structure to the planet Saturn. The etchings on the side of his desk were glimmering lazily, like miniature stars stuck to the wood. His office was the most amazing place in the whole of Hogwarts in my opinion.
Fawkes' feathers were soft beneath my fingers. The phoenix hummed contentedly in his chest.
"Ella, how nice to see you again," Dumbledore greeted in his smooth yet gravelly voice. He sat down in his chair and smiled down at me. "How is everything?"
"Good, good. I, er, bumped into some Gryffindors the other day," I said to him.
"Yes, I am aware. How did that go then?"
A large smile escaped my lips despite my teeth dragging my bottom lip up. "Good. Really good. They know."
"Those Weasley's are rather marvellous at accepting others. And Mr Jordan too. Of course, he'd have to be, what with being the twins' closest friend," he smiled knowingly.
"How did you know?" I shook my head. "No- wait, never mind. You know everything." Dumbledore chuckled under his breath lightly.
"And how does it feel – being accepted by three wizards in the space of two days?"
"I feel…" I didn't know what I felt to be honest. Thrilled, obviously. Overjoyed, in fact. Surprised, shocked, absolutely giddy. But there was something else there that I couldn't quite put my finger on. "I feel brilliant. Warm."
"Warm sounds good. And how did Misters Weasley's and Jordan take the news?" he asked, peering over his spectacles and fingering a lemon sherbet.
"The twins were fantastic, George especially. Well, he would be; we've known each other ages. Lee was shocked for a minute, but he got over it pretty quickly. He's fine with it as well though." I smiled, recalling Lee's words straight after my admission.
Lee eyed me top to bottom, his mouth slightly open and his eyes bugging out from behind his dreadlocks. "You're ruddy hot for a squib. Nothing like Filch, that's for sure."
I rolled my eyes and giggled, delighted by the fact that he wasn't being bigoted.
"So you're cool?" I asked.
His eyes met mine. "Of course I am! Do I look like I want to gut your organs out and sell them on a corner in Knockturn Alley? No, so shut up and give me some love!" he bellowed, grabbing me in a humongous hug.
"Don't forget me, gits!" George yelled, hugging us both from behind. "Come on, Freddie-boy! There's still a bit of Ella left for you."
"You're all a bunch of morons," he grouched, but nonetheless swung his arms around George and Lee and jumped several times, rumbling our group hug. I laughed up at him when he stopped. Fred met my eyes. The mirth in his face cleared away, replaced by a scowl as he looked away and thumped Lee on the head for his joke on Fred's sexual preferences.
I frowned. Perhaps Fred wasn't as alright about is as I thought…
"I'm glad. Professor McGonagall informed me of a visit from yourself soon. I don't believe it was about this."
"Yes sir, um, I asked her about it…and she advised me to come to you," I said, nervous about how he might react to my query. He is the one who said it was compulsory for me to learn the fundamentals after all.
"And what is it you are wondering about?"
"I was hoping…that maybe, erm…you could- if perhaps I could, kind of…" I heaved in a breath before continuing. "If I could change my subjects."
The headmaster nodded slowly. "I see. And what did you have in mind?"
I stared at him, mouth agape for a moment. "Seriously? Just like that? You're not even going to ask why I want to change them?"
"Would you like me to?" Dumbledore smiled. "No, Ella. You have attempted the core subjects already, and if you feel that you are not comfortable continuing with them, I will allow you to choose what you would like to study. I understand how hard it can be for you to grasp the more magically involved subjects. I'm sure there will be no problem at all with an exception in your case."
A grin crept on my face. "Thank you, sir. That means a lot."
"You are most welcome, Miss Wood. After all, Bill was a large enthusiast of extracurricular subjects, it only seems right for you to take after him," he winked.
The tiny sombre pang hit me again, and a sad smile came onto my face.
"So, shall we review your options?"
"Yes please, sir. That would be wonderful."
"How do you feel about Care of Magical Creatures? It seems Fawkes here has likened to you perfectly well. Perhaps a visit to Hagrid's hut will enable you to get a better idea on what you will have to put up with…"
"So what are you doing now?" George asked, taking a large swig of butterbeer.
I looked up at him from my cushion on the floor next to his feet, occasionally rubbing his calf as he swung it near me. "I've dropped transfiguration, charms, herbology and defence against the dark arts. Now, I'm doing astronomy, history of magic, potions, ancient runes, muggle studies and care of magical creatures," I said, counting them off my fingers.
"Can't believe you chose to keep potions. I mean, what sane person would do that?" Lee cried, falling back dramatically into his armchair.
"God knows. I'm not too bad at it, although Snape thinks otherwise, but I kind of like it. It's like chemistry, and I was alright at that back at school." The boys frowned at me. "Chemistry. It's sciencey. Mixing chemicals and ingredients like a potion."
The Gryffindors all made noises of assent, to which I rolled my eyes.
"And why muggle studies?"
"I grew up as a muggle in a muggle town. I think I would know more than the average wizard. Should ace the exam with flying colours," I explained, whacking the cushion on George's stomach as he kicked me lightly.
"No arithmancy? Alicia is forever moaning about that lesson. Thought you'd want to challenge yourself a bit at least," Fred said, breaking us out of our mini fight.
I frowned. "Potions isn't easy, it's quite challenging."
"You just said you were good at it," Fred retorted, lifting an eyebrow.
"Well, yes. Doesn't mean it's all easy. And ancient runes isn't exactly a walk in the park either."
Fred let out a loud 'HA!' throwing his head back as he did so. "That's just like learning another language."
"Well what would you rather I do?" I huffed. It had been a long day, despite it being a Saturday. Students had been entering and leaving the kitchen throughout the morning for some snacks from the elves, leaving me to spend much of the day in my dorm in hiding, most of the time on my own. I spent the morning catching up on studying my new subjects, devoting significant time on ancient runes to acquaint myself to the funny symbols and their meanings. And I couldn't start on my care of magical creatures homework until nightfall when all the students would be in bed and the creatures – Hagrid didn't mention what we would be working with tonight – would be wide awake, so I attempted to have a little nap.
Not that I could sleep. Peeves kept bugging the house elves and causing chaos. I had managed to stop him twice, but then he called my bluff on calling the Bloody Baron and flung ink pellets at me, shouting, "Naughty smelly Ellie! Naughty, naughty big-nose Ellie! Need a goo' spanking I seeeeeeeeeee!" No doubt those ink pellets were charmed, for I had to spend ages in the shower to remove the mysterious stench emanating from them.
And now, for Fred to act haughty to my face straight after lunch was the last straw. I was grumpy. I was frustrated. And to top it all off, I was on my bleeding period!
"You know what, I promised I'd spend the afternoon with Angelina. I'm off," Fred jumped out of his seat and stormed out of the portrait hole.
George and Lee stared after him.
"That was…odd," Lee said.
"Very," George frowned. "Lee, how 'bout you grab us our broomsticks and meet me at the pitch. Tell Fred to go there too, I'll see you in a bit."
"But he just said-"
"Invite Ange as well then, she won't dare say no to some Quidditch. Go on, I need a word with Ella."
"Alrighty then," Lee sang, lifting himself out of his seat and following after Fred but not before ruffling my hair a bit.
The kitchen was silent after he left. The house elves weren't even making any noise as they clicked their fingers, cleared the mess and then disappeared off into the dorms.
George plopped down beside me on the floor, crossing his legs and throwing his arm around my shoulder.
"What's wrong with you then, grumpy?" he asked.
"Just a bad day," I muttered.
"And what's this wrong with you and Fred?"
My blood boiled instantly. "Nothing's wrong with us. It's your brother that's the problem."
"I kind of saw that. Any ideas why?"
"Oh, I don't know. Maybe because I'm a squib and he can't bear being near one," I snapped. Hurt flashed on his face and I instantly sobered. "Sorry. It's true though! He was fine before he found out."
"But that's not like Fred. He wouldn't judge you like that," George said, his voice quiet.
"But he did. Come off it George, not everyone is going to accept me. And Fred, sadly, is one of those people." My chest panged as I thought of all the stories George shared with me over the years of him and his brother, who I had not then known was his twin. I longed to be part of their little duo and play with them. Fred sounded amazingly cool and brilliant back then. I hated to say I was jealous of how George spoke so fondly of him but never arranged for us to meet. I so desperately wanted us to be friends one day. And for him to look so…angry at the mere sight of me…it hurt. A lot.
George shook his head. "No. Fred is not like that, I swear it. Just try and be friends with him."
I was about to protest about how horrid that idea was only for George to cut me off.
"Please? For me? If he doesn't lighten up you can stop and ignore him forever. I'll go and have a word with him now, see what crawled up his ginger arse, died and decayed all over his bowels." He rubbed my shoulder. "Please?" he pleaded again.
I closed my eyes and counted to five in my head. "Ok. For you," I agreed.
George's infectious smile and bear hug made me laugh, and I thought, for a minute, perhaps it could work. George knew his twin better than anyone else. It would work.